The story of the Lolrus begins with an unusual friendship between a giant elephant seal and his little blue bucket. At first they were not friends at all. They hardly ever spoke. The bucket would just hold the Lolrus’s fish and that was that. But one day the bucket spoke up. He said, “Lolrus, why don’t you ever talk to me?” To which the Lolrus responded, “Holy crap! A talkin’ bukkit!”
And the rest, as they say, is history.
The Lolrus and Bukkit talked about everything under the sun: What the tastiest kinds of fish were; how to calculate the precise volume of a cylindrical container with an expanding diameter (known in the geometry world as a frustum). Yes, the Lolrus thought Bukkit was a bit of a math nerd, but he overlooked it since Bukkit didn’t complain about his love for Justin Bieber.
The two did everything together. They were inseparable. Things were going along swimmingly until that fateful day…
A bad man came and took Bukkit. The Lolrus tried to stop him, but he was not very swift on land. All he could do was watch the man grow smaller and smaller in his visage as he waddled in pursuit. The man disappeared off in the distance… and Bukkit was gone. The Lolrus let out a great cry that could be heard all the way to the sea from whence he came.
The Lolrus acted quickly and called the police. At first they laughed at him, saying a lost bucket was not a priority. To appease the anxious seal they sent a desk jockey to take a report, but even he wouldn’t take it seriously.
The Lolrus knew it was time to call in a favor. When you are a famous elephant seal, you make a few friends in high places. He picked up his giant seal-friendly mobile phone and called the one man on the force he knew would take this kidnapping seriously.
The ginger detective dusted for prints, scanned for fluids, made 14 more puns, but it was no use. There was not a trace of the culprit. Nothing but a blurry image on a surveillance camera that could not be enhanced. Horatio told the Lolrus there was no more he could do… that perhaps it was time to find a new bucket. But this mammoth seal was not content to just have his bucket replaced. He decided then and there that he would find his friend. No matter what it took.
He searched high…
He searched low…
He asked a few friends to help…
But the Bukkit was nowhere to be found.
The Lolrus tried to stay optimistic that he would find his friend, but keeping in good spirits was proving difficult.
To this day, there has been no sign of Bukkit’s whereabouts. But the thing about true friends is that they are never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. They’re never gonna run around and desert you. The Lolrus knows Bukkit is out there somewhere. He is sure that his vigilance and tenacity will lead him back to his frustum companion. He will find his Bukkit.
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awwwww poor thing! XD
Keep searching Mr. Lolrus, you will find it some day…
teh sad sad storee uv teh lolrus…it tuchez mai hart
eggsept fer teh luv uv JB, taht upsetz mai stummik a lil bit, butt itz otay lolrus, ai stil luv u ♥ ♥
Grate coment Bluesfan…XXX
Ikr I hate jb!!!!! O wells…. Poor lolrus we wig us oh…. And I saw it
update: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/04/09/day-76-without-bucket/
Doan’t wanna be a troll, but wye duz teh lolrus tranzmogreefie in2 sebrul diffrunt kynedz uf seel?
fru teh majik uv cheezland? eivver taht er itz awl dun wif mirrorz. er bekawse ai sed so (a faborite uv mai mahms)
I votez fur deh majikz uv Cheezland. *nods*
Teh modz has super speshul cheez-powrz.
Him goze undacuvvahs to find himz bukkit, annipuss!
Ah! Ai din’t fink uv disgize!
Shmoo to Moo! Ai fink himz inncog…inncogneet…undacuvvahs lyk U sed!
The Lolrus is like Santa. He is many.
dems disguises to fools da bukkit thief.
aih finks dat eets becuz teh los uv ah bukket cud chaynge ah lolrus
Lolrus iz magic
dat is teh onwy ecksplanations
Awww poor Lolrus. Maybe he can find the bukkit on FB. That’s where I’ve found my long lost friends!
Perhaps someone should create a page called “The LOLrus’ Bukkit”
Afinks I will!
I am so glad the Big Cheezez wrote down teh story for alla teh fokes who doan no it….it made me laff, it made me cry, it was an epic tale, FTW!
We need to do more of these. Lol-driven narratives have been severely lax as of late. Thankfully, The Continuing Adventures of Dog Fort may be picking up, but, only time, as they say, will tell.
Wy iz dis tail not in LOLspeak???
We haz not herd from LOLrus in a looooooog time (loooooooooooong time is loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong).
We needz findz da bukkit!!!!!
He’s going in a toothbrush add to make money for…. (gasp) NEW BUCKETS. DUN DUN DUN DUN! http://icanhascheezburgerafterdark.com/2011/06/23/funny-pictures-lolrus-bucket/
NONE OF THOSE WALRUS’S ARE LOLRUS! I COULDN’T SEE HIM ANYWHERE!
goo-goo-ga-joob
Good lucks Mr.Lolrus!!!
and don’t let bieber touch you cuz he mites be the one who stealed your bukkit.
PS I hate Bieber so if he touches you i will slap his stupid guts out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no get chuck norris to round house the beiber
lets all hit him!
Someone should grab a blue blue bucket along when visiting a marine zoo and take a picture of a walrus with the bucket to end the story beautifuly. I just hope it won’t be “and they live happily ever after and had many chilfrend”… It might hurt the lolrus when bucketrus babies will come out.
Teh lolrus lols sudinlee maykz weeeeeey mur centz nao!
sooooo kute!!!!!! hilARius 2!!!!
I can’t stop laughing, I guess that’s why he’s LOLrus!
sumfing tellz me dat we gonna heer lotz mor abowt dis lolrus in teh neer fewtur!!!!
Wii needz 2 get a seerch parti gavfered adn startz looking for da bukkitz
I just showed my mom this page. She started crying (no, seriously. She’s on depression meds.) And went up to Dollar Tree and bought a blue bucket. Where do I send it? This is no joke!! Merry Christmas, Lolrus.
Poor Lolrus!
http://speaklolspeak.com/video/7017175/lolrus
FABlolrus video!
Ai beeleeb in yoo Lolrus! Yoo will find teh bukkit and eberyting will be otay!
It wud be betterz eef Jusin Beaver dint rooen eet.
Well, maybe JB is getting singing lessons, cause he sounds worse than a walrus who lost his bukkit!
he’s just not the same giant seal without him.. in fact he’s a walrus now. poor guy..
You’ll find it, Lolrus. I’ll help you:)
team up and find bucket
I haz ur bukkit
Put it on your bucket list.
Why haven’t they traced the location of this picture? Poor Bukkit misses his LOLrus, too!
http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/04/26/in-soviet-russia/
lolrus likes justin beiber? FAIL
dont worry, lolrus, you’ll get your bucket back. i promise =)
Oh my lolrus….!!!
haz annywun ackshully ben organnizing teh seerch partee yetz? Teh bukkit needzez to be fownd! (sorryz but I’z not volunteereeng… haz to much bizzy)
I NOZ WHO STOLE HIZ BUKKIT!!! IT WUZ SOMEONE WHO IZ WORKIN 4 MAI ARCH-NEMISUZ, TACGNOL!!! But da questiun. iz what iz he plannin 2 use ur bukkit 4? Iz he goin 2 use it to build a giant supr lazo…………(rest iz illegibul)
Fill your heart with rage, then destroy it, then destroy the world mr.lolrus for you have nothing els to lose, i woulda done the same thing in that moment, ive lost somthing befor, it was my best freind, his name was shuvl, at the time i could do nothing to fight off the feind from takeing shuvle, i was also 4. but to this day i am still looking for shuvl and i will never stop, good luck lolrus add me on facebook my email is batman@theyahhoos
lolrus I WILL JOIN UR CAUSE!!! i wuns had a friend his name wuz hammo my poor little, green plastic hammo. And one day he wus at a resturaunt and an ebil waitresss took him away NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Hammo wus a real plastic hammer i left at resturaunt when i was 5. And he wus my best friend at that time, and i left him at a resturaunt and i CRIED…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
poor Hammo.
That’s so sad
Why not use teh interwebz to track down who is on that picture? He probably still works at the zoo…
awww poor lolrus i will join ur cauz poor lolrus
i no where teh bukkit is! Itz……………….
On teh moon! Tacgnol reached up and he putz it there an helaughed tive an ebil dude.
look lolrus got revenge on the evil bucket stealing man!http://www.websophist.com/Walrus_BucketThiefInTroubleM.jpg
“look lolrus got revenge on the evil bucket stealin man”
LOOK AT THE PICTURE. THE BUCKET IS BY THE DOOR! OMGOMGOMGOMG
OMG! Epic payback!
i join the cause.i herd bukkit was in europe.soviet russia.somebody go 2 russia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
in soviet russia, bucket misses you.
I shal put up “misin” postrs 4 bukket!
you LIE!!! NO ONE likes justin beiber. NO ONE!!!
meh thinks i can halp……………..IT IS IN TEH BASEMENT!
*gasps*
This is even more depressing than the forever alone guy… Lolrus, I grieve with you!
i’s tinkin teh kee 2 da dizapeerin bukkit is the quote “never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.” yessss indede i’s tinkin u shuld kontakt Rick Astley! I’s tinkin heh iz da eevul bukkit theef!
i’m rite here lolrus!
get teh bukkit!!1!
*sniff*
so touching!!!
somebody find that bucket!!!!
dears mr lolrus,
me and mai friens is veri sads to hears about bukkit gone… we hopes mr cane wills helps u. we wills talk to the rest of the kitteh mafias about a bluish bukkit gone…once agains, we is all sorries about ur loss
from de IBKC officials
-Comment was sent without owner’s permission-
Dear Mr. Lolrus,
I has ur bukkit. If you don’t givez meh fishies, you will nevr see it again.
Aw, poor baby. This really made me sad for Lolrus. Why can’t his keepers get him a new bukkit, for cryin out loud!???
It’s gonna be ok, Lolrus, I love you. <3<3
I hate Superman 64 with all my heart. I hope you find ur bukkit.
ai wanna help find Bukkit! lolrus & bukkit shouldna been sepurated!
I HAZ FOUND DA BUKKIT!!!!! http://www.roblox.com/Bucket-item?id=25162389
The bukkit has been found! Lolrus will be so happy!
Thank you so much!
oooh lorus iz will helps u find da bukkit.
y not ask sealing cat he sees everything or basement cat cuz he knos all things evil
OMG!! BASEMENT CATS MIOIN!!!
You can’t just buy the Lolrus a new bucket. A true friend cannot be replaced so easily. They have history together! Find the blue bucket!
Dey need tu print deez storys into books fur modo…mader…TODAY’s faeri-tails, ifinkso *nods*
One of meh daft minions took ur bukkit.
I used to Lolrus until I found out he liked Bieber.
*like Lolrus
And he rick rolled us!
He’s Befreinding Beiber ONLY because he might help find teh bukkits.
A little lol bird told me that basement kitteh has took da bukkit to use as a litter box!
I would have felt sorry for him if he hadn’t liked Justin Bieber.
POR LOLRUS!
I agree with fred why justin bieber
but i still feel sorry for lolrus
You know, I think I saw a blue bucket the other day…
They even have a walrus who lost his ‘bukkit’ in the game I play occasionally, Horse Isle. Your mission is to return it to him and then he is happy and rewards you.
Cool story, bro
I is sowwy lolrus… heeer iz ur bukkit bak. *handz lolrus teel bukkit*
lolrus, i believeez in u tat u will get ur bukkit bak. if it helpz i pt up “missing” posterz around my city. DONT GIVEZ UPP!!!!!!!!!!!!
lolrus, i believeez in u tat u will get ur bukkit bak. if it helpz i pt up “missing” posterz around my city. DONT GIVEZ UPP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dont woory lolrus joostun baeber Will got oll his fans nd helpz u findz ur bukkit!
dat bukkit story tuch mah hart…… I no howz yoo feel… sum bad man stoleded mah serrup, and now iz cant find it! da serrup’s name wuz “mapple”. i betz he feel jus bad as bukkit.
dat bukkit story tuch mah hart…… I no howz yoo feel… sum bad man stoleded mah serrup, and now iz cant find it! da serrup’s name wuz “mapple”. i betz he feel jus bad as bukkit.
Teh Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Commiteh hash foundeds the weraboutz of chur bukkit. Basment Cat hash its! Chu must go git et Lolrus! Wit chur mass, chu can tak down all da big ol’ demon kittehs!
I will assist in retrieving Bukkit!
onoaw…….dis bukkit hab bean missing fur agess……maybeh we shud tell da presydent adn see if he kan fynd it fur yu? XXPIXIEXX
FOUUUNDD ITT!!!!
Oh, Lolrus. I want you to have your bucket. I’d buy you a new one, but that wouldn’t be the same. Hey! Looks like PasserBy has found it! Yay!
Poor lolrus. Mai you get a nu bukket and may it alwaze be full of fishies! :>
aiz sawz a bloo bukkit, my naybor haz eet and shez filling eet with PLANTZ!!! (NOOO NAWT TEH PLANTZZZ! )
Yoo see world??????? Lolrus is not ashamed of da Bieber fever!!!!!
i had a bukkit once, it was red, not only did it hold my stuff, it held me, but one day my brother broke it-; that day i swore to never love another bukkit.
do you love pie
I hoep he find hiz bukkit b4 Catnarok…
I support u, Lolrus. wen i waz a yung boi, i hadz a shovowl dat i alwayz pwayed wit at teh beachez. but one day, teh wavez swept shovowl away. i waz verwy sad. dis is a twue storie about a rweal shovel. i feelz fo u, lolrus.
Me sorry for how you feel lolrus. Maybe someday, you’ll just get it back. Heh, one time i had a straw, but until onez day, it gone. So meh nev find it agan. Soo chu mus find bukkit plz lolrus w3 kno u con do it
i know who has lolruses bukkit… *dramatic music* Basement cat!!! Will lolrus get him or let bukkit go? find out next on the quest for bukkit….
R.I.P Minazo, we hope you find your bukkit up in heaven!
Oh, I know dat u will faind ur bukkit. Nevah giv up mah fwend.
A friend and I did this poem for an English assignment in which we were supposed to imitate the writing style of Lewis Carroll.
Needless to say, we got an A.
The Lolrus and the Bukkit
I was surfing upon the Web,
surfing with all my might:
Then I did meet a walrus there
who told me of his plight.
“I am the Lawlrus,” he declared,
holding back a tear.
“And now, my greatest companion
has left, and thus, I fear.”
“I haz a bukkit, once,” he said
“but the sea, she is most cruel;
and if you don’t assist me now,
I’ll think you most uncool.”
Then took-ed he from in his jeans
a set of snazzy shades.
And this was odd, for he was nude.
Jeans his size scarce were made.
And then I looked him up and down;
a giant wreck I saw.
I saw his ugly walrus face:
the frown upon his maw.
And then, said I, “I’ll help you, but
only for the right price.”
The walrus shouted “Yeeea-yuh!” and
he acted cool as ice.
So out we set upon the ‘net
to find the bukkit lost.
The sudden hatred in his eyes said
“The Lawlrus mustn’t be crossed.”
We came upon a quarry site
and crumbled rocks there lay.
“I’ll show you what I’ll do to you
if me you do betray.
We Lawlruses have appetites
which is why we’re quite fatter.”
So bite-ed he into a stone
and then his tusks did shatter.
He slammed his head against the ground
in pain and much frustration,
“The loss of my friend bukkit,” he said,
“has caused me much vexation.”
So over he went to the quarry-side
and jumped over the cliff.
Expecting to land and surf the web
but the ground was mighty stiff.
A crack rang out across the land
pronouncing his demise
and now I never again will fear
those snazzily-shaded eyes.
A bukkit of fish then came from the grass.
“From the Lawlrus I am free!
I was his slave, but as my thanks,
I’ll grant a wish to thee.”
So long and hard I pondered there,
deciding of my wish.
I stared at the lonely bukkit, and said,
“I wish for a bukkit of fish!”
With joyous, tear-stained eyes he cried,
“Wish granted,” and offered his hand.
So now my fish-filled bukkit and I
traverse this wondrous land.
Bwavow!
Nice job it brought a tear to my eye
ur poem is awesum!
Ey seez moar bukkits at Walmarts.
Katie Price has two orange bukkits she could lend you one for the right publicity
Biebs stole yer bukkit
I haz ur bukkit, lolrus, an ur not gettin it back, no, not never ever.
I saw a walrus waddling down the street after a man with a blue bukkit.
COINCIDENCE?
I think not!
Where was the ZOOPERSON. Srsly.
:3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
poor lolrus, keepz teh lokins and you iz b findin him soonz
Wut if….LOLRUNS NEVAH FOUND ET. OMGOMGOMGOGMOGONMGOMOGOGOGOOMG ZOMG. :c
Ai shal serch 4 yur bukkit,an reepliy if ai find it!!!!!!!!!!
I think basement cat got Tacgnol to steal Bukkit.
I know who took ur bukit….. IT WAS CHARLIE SHEEN!!!
ITS OKAY WE WILL FIND IT TOGETHER ALL US LOLRUS FANS WILL FIND THAT DANG BUCKET
If U blame Basement Cat, say so. I will tell Lolrus myself to pray to Ceiling Cat.
PRAY, LOLRUS, PRAY TO CEILING CAT!
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I FELT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SAD WHEN HE SAID- I TRY TO PUT ON A HAPPY FACE- I FAIL! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW POOR THING!!!!
:’( AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW x’(
Wut kinda of sickoo would take a lolrus’s bukkit I will track down the thief and return the bukkit to da lolrus and bring justice 2 earth
Uhhhh… Does anyone else feel rickrolled in the true friends paragraph?
a little rickrolled yeah… LOL
hai. itz me bukkit. i izz in Hawaii. i miss u LOLrus! i haz job nao. itz to be a… u will neva guess… a BUKKIT! Kewl, Huh?
Luv,
BUKKIT B. BUKKITY
Oh my Ceiling Cat….
IT’S BUKKIT.
ZOMG.
MADNESS.
…I feel a Barbarian move coming on…*kicks random person off a cliff* SPAHTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Oh, right. Onto the celebration of the finding of Bukkit.
HURRAYYYY! LOLRUS AND BUKKIT ARE REUNITED! =D
Hello, LOLrus. I haz ur bukkit. But I iz anonymous! U no can find me and u no can has ur bukkit.I demand 1000000000 tons of pankaek mix as ransom.
U no can haz bukkit.
Your freind,
Scumbag Steve
(The meme across the road. Yeah, the guy who crashed Happy Cat’s ROFLcoptor)
kicked the bucket? oh god! I SWEAR, that’s worse than the ones Can actually makes!
i heard from a little bird that ceiling cat has your blue bucket in his ceiling hideout… check it out!
NOOOOOOOO! Not bukkit!
:0:0:0:0:0:0:0:0:0:0:0
I TOOK BUKKIT ULL NEVER FIND HIM EVA!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! WITH THE HELP OF MY PENGUIN ( SENOR PENGY
WRONG!!! I HAB DA BUKKIT RIGHT HERE IN FRUNT OB ME FILLED WIT 7 LAYER SUPPERBALL DIP.
I iz makin a search n rescuez teamz tonightz fur woo Mr. Lolrus!!!!!!!!
Anythinz fo le bukkit!
I has’d a blue bukkit but I broke it. Howeber, Ceiling Cat’s spies has found that Igor (see Tacgnol) has stolen Bukkit as a gif 4 Basement Cat! All wif me 4 rescue team, say AYE!
Odds of failure… s**t all.
They shuld make a bukkit server meme featuring the lolrus
Wut do u mean “Bukkit Server”
hey lolrus
is okey
iz guna giz joo a bukkit
is okey
fowevr awone
Poor LOLrus.
D-did I just get Rickroll’d?
Nao doz it from teh bukkitz point uv vew!
“Ah haz a fluffeh blankit.
NUUUUU DEY B STEELIN MAH BLANKIT!”
I share your pain, Lolrus.
I, too, have lost my most cherished possession.
Hang in there…hang in there, bud.
I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS, GRAMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yay!1!1!1! I HAZ A CACTUS!!! NO DEH BE STEELIN MAI CACTUS CURSE U MARIO!!!!! o_o
>: I has your “bukkit” lolrus! If you want it back say “please”.
lol just kidding!
I haf ben reeding thees dommenyz, y dos every1 talk liek this? XXX
Or maybe I did steal the bukkit… You’ll never know.
I wil findz te bukkit!
FOUND: ONE BLUE BUCKET.
LOCATION: BASEMENT CATS LAIR.
PERSON WHO RETRIVED IT: CHUCK NORRIS.
poor lolrus HAS ANYONE SEEN HIS BUCKET!?!?
Stupid Shadey…hehe! INSIDE JOKE!
I BLAME THE JANITOR!!!
Love and fishes? Aren’t they really just two different words for the same thing?
beiber did it because beiber loves the L0Lrus!!! he sucks even more than geoge w. bush!!!
ceiling cat must be prayed to, LOLrus. pray to him.
MR.LOLRUS Justin beever is going to steal your bukkit and he is be building a dam so you no longer has bukkitz
Hey stop hating on JustinB. He is there for Lolrus! JustinB has administered hug therapy as prescribed by Dr Tiny Cat to counter Lolrus’s depression! This is a kindness. What have YOU done to comfort poor Lolrus?