A Day in the Life of Business Cat
5:29 a.m. – A Peaceful Prologue
Business Cat’s story is the story of the working man cat. It is universal. It is timeless. It begins in the wee hours of the morning, in a warm bed, on a summer Friday…
In his sleep, Business Cat is happy. He dreams of sunspots, yarn, and long, lazy catnaps. But every weekday (and on more than a few Caturdays), his alarm clock jolts him out of his peaceful slumber.
5:30 a.m. – The Morning Routine
Business Cat’s morning routine begins with a cleaning. He licks himself from tail to toe, leaving no patch of fur unmoistened. He skitters to the closet, selects his Friday tie, and dresses. As he finishes, his house begins to fill with the sounds of his family: his children waking up, his wife starting breakfast, the skritch-skritch-skritch of someone using the litter box downstairs.
Breakfast is a hectic time, but Business Cat cherishes these moments with his family. His wife serves breakfast — hot coffee, crispy bacon, and premium canned gushy food — as Business Cat mentally prepares himself for the day ahead. Not wanting to be late for work, he eats quickly, kisses his family goodbye, and then rushes out the door.
7:00 a.m. – The Commute, Part One
By now, Business Cat is used to gridlock. He used to get angry about his long commute, but he has since accepted that there is nothing he can do to change it.
Business Cat pulls up to Yarn Barn HQ, where he serves as Executive Vice Purrsident in Charge of Sales and Quality Control for New Yarn-Based Products (E.V.P.C.S.Q.C.N.Y.B.P.).
He’s very good at his job and has been ever since he started nearly a decade ago. The other office cats respect him and often come to him with questions. He does his best to help, even if it means staying late… which it often does.
9:00 a.m. – So It Begins… Again…
Upon arriving in his office, Business Cat finds a huge stack of papers waiting for him. It had not been there when he left the night before.
He gently bats at the stack of papers until some fall out onto the floor. This is how he orders the importance of each paper. He calls this process “purroritization.” Doing what any cat would do, Business Cat lies on the fallen papers for a few moments before really getting started. One of the documents — a Q3 earnings projection — reminds him that he has a meeting to run soon. He scrambles to collect his materials and darts away to the conference room.
10:00 a.m. – Blah Blah Meeting Blah Blah
It feels early for a meeting, and everyone is still in catnap mode. Business Cat begins his presentation by highlighting the company’s Q2 earnings and goals for Q3. To save money, he suggests that when ordering office supplies, the company should keep the shipping boxes for use as replacement cubicles. At around the 20 minute mark, Business Cat notices that no one is paying attention to him, so he does what any good business cat would do and breaks out the laser pointer.
His coworkers spring to life, all of them in pursuit of the red dot. “Ahem,” Business Cat says, switching off the laser pointer. “Now that I have your full attention, please allow me to continue…”
12:00 p.m. – Sciency Stuffz
After an early lunch, Business Cat meanders down to the lab, where the company scientists test yet-to-be-released yarn products. Business Cat hates visiting the lab because he doesn’t understand the complex science of yarn. The scientists always say things like “It’s impossible to make edible yarn!” and “Yarn cannot roll itself back up into a ball!”
Some days, when his patience is running low, it takes all of his strength not to yell “JUST GET IT DONE!” at the scientists. In the end, though, Business Cat always keeps his professional cool.
2:00 p.m. – How to Deal With Your Boss Like a Boss
As Business Cat finishes reading a lab report on a new “scented yarn” product (“… blah blah the subtle smell of catnip blah blah mass market appeal blah blah toxic fumes…”), his computer beeps and a Skype window pops up. “Oh, Tender Vittles!” thinks Business Cat. “I forgot about my call with the boss.” He answers the call.
“Good afternoon, sir,” he purrs.
“I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR SMALL TALK! LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS! THERE ARE TOO MANY CATNAPS HAPPENING AROUND HERE! WHAT’S THIS I HEAR ABOUT ORDERING NEW MICE?! I NEED YOU TO FIRE JOHNSON! WE’RE SPENDING TOO MUCH ON RESEARCH!”
Boss Cat berates Business Cat for three straight hours. Business Cat watches the clock as it ticks ever closer to 5 p.m. He feels a swell of euphoria knowing that his day is almost over until he hears…
“YEAH… SO I’M GOING TO NEED YOU TO COME IN ON CATURDAY!”
Business Cat’s stomach sinks. He wonders, for a moment, what would happen if he said “NO!” But he didn’t become E.V.P.C.S.Q.C.N.Y.B.P. by saying “NO!”
“Yes, sir,” Business Cat says.
Boss Cat ends the call. Business cat collects his things and heads out, muttering “See ya Monday!” to a few fortunate coworkers who haven’t been asked to give up their Caturdays.
5:00 p.m. – The Commute, Part Two
On the long drive home, Business Cat thinks only of his weekend that will no longer be. Well, he thinks about that, and he also thinks about how much he hates that stupid “Workin’ for the Weekend” song.
7:00 p.m. – The Evening Routine
Business Cat’s wife has dinner waiting for him when he gets home. He eats quietly as his family discusses their day.
After dinner, Business Cat helps his wife clear the table and wash the dishes. He tucks the kids into their bunk cardboard box beds. Later, he switches on the television and turns to Animal Planet. He watches an episode of “Must Love Cats” that he’s already seen a dozen times before deciding to head up to bed.
10:30 p.m. – Peace, At Last
Business Cat tosses and turns in bed, still upset that he’s lost his weekend. “It isn’t so bad,” he tries to convince himself. “It could be worse… it’s just one lousy Caturday…”
Finally, he falls asleep. His dreams are of the most perfect Caturday ever. He sees himself in a warm, sunny field with enormous balls of edible, self-rolling yarn. He is truly happy.
We leave Business Cat in his dreamworld so that he may enjoy his vision of a more fulfilling life in peace. For where he is now, every day is Caturday…
THE END
Hipster Kitty
Moral Gray Area Kitteh
Tacgnol
Serious Cat
Longcat
Basement Cat
Ceiling Cat
Dr. Tinycat
Happycat
Hovercat
InvisiCo
Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Committeh
Monorail Cat
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Poor Business Cat! I have to work on Caturdays too, and Sundog!
You mean Bunday.
Dis is full of win.
this is reall funneh
This is awesome!!
trah-mendus!!! well written, excellent story!! I wurk Caturdays and Sundogs also. . . . keep up teh grate wurk Business Cat. . . we need u!!!
Who knew Business Cat was so complex?
Ai liekz teh sowntrack…
..an teh poopykit!
I wants to know why BC and his wife are black and white but they have two orange tabby kits? Maybe BC needs to spend more time at home!
Wut happens when u cawl 212.555.6342?
It is a New York number that much I do know.
This should be on M thru F
A day in the life, lol, poor buziness Keow, has to work Caturday.
TL;RA
lol
typically not a fan, but I dug the Chemistry Cat cameo
How cul! But why does B Cat have a different car for going to work and another for coming homes???
The bigger question is why he goes to work in South America and come back in what appears to be Europe.
It did say there was a LONG commute!
It’s true, there don’t seem to be enough SUV’s in either one to be US, but I was wondering how you came to those conclusions?
It’s not easy being a business cat…but it sure is funny!
AWESUM! FANTASTIC! I LOVE IT!
Business Cat is my favorite meme, thx very much for this “cheez confidential”! You’ve done it again, the writing is great & the pictures are hilarious.
–
Yours truly – Jeffrey J. Jefferson, J.V.P.B.C.F.A. (Junior Vice Purrsident of the Business Cat Fan Association)
Ditto, Jeff!
Ai finks teh Boss Kat nedz ter b fyrd. He gotz teh baad attertood. An he werks teh poh Kompny Kat wai 2 hayrd. Den poh Kompny Kat wil dervelup teh olcerz an maibbe git teh widdermaeker hart otack an den teh poh Kompny Kat wyl dye 2 yung an leaf behin teh poh yung widder wif teh freee lil kitz ter raze al bai shesef. Dey go on teh fud stumpz an luz teh nise howze dey wivs in an teh kitz staht ter runn wile an finely dey getz rested by teh poalease an en up dey dyez en prizzen an den dey gitz cogt by teh baaaad Bazement Kat an haz ter spen furrevah en teh bazement. Al cuz teh Boss sew meen an drifs poh Kompny Kat ter teh urly grabe. Ai gotz ter stoppe naow cuz ai fealin ovahwhalmed wif teh moshuns. Ai bleeeve ai baout ter kri. Dis stoary haz maed mee soo sadd hit haz ruint mai hole dai an naow mebbe ai getz fyred 2 an mai famblee ruint 2 an end up wif baaaaad Bazement Kat. Oah noah ai iz kryin naow an ai fealz panez in mah cheast. Bazement ere wee komez. Diz sich a saad an tragikal stoarie ai fink hit shld b bannnnd n ai saledom saez dat but ai fink hit hez kilt mee. K bai.
TL;DR
Getz a life Cattack. If Kompny Kat dye den poh lil kitz pul d Boss Kats tail n torchur d Boss Kat wit watr tretmint n skary big dogz den keel d Boss Kat.
Naow y ai nowt fink uf datz?! U b berry wize, Geez. Dis maek mee felz bettah. N ai fanks u. Ai wil uttemp naow ter pul maisef tergethuh ai sory 4 teh resent brakedaown. U haz saevd mee furm udder despare n ai fanks u gin.
I like the idea that he works with humans and has authority over them better. I want a cat boss.
Great stuff! Keep them coming!
I like the constant expression of bored annoyance on BC’s face
Ai’m priddee shurr dat’s teh fayce Ai seez in teh mirrah gettin ready furr wurk, or wen Ai ezkapes tew teh lidderbawks furr a sanitee brake. Iz purr-pet-chu-all.
“Heard the clock, gota outta bedz, dragz teh comb across his head”… “He wakez up, he makez up, He doesn’t feel he need to pleaze him now, he no longer lovez him”.. HeeHeeHee! Classikcat muzik! By teh bugz he lurves teh chase! Or tryyz da “kinkz”in hiz tailz.. “he getz up earlee, it’s sebenty o’clock, teh alarum goez off and den hiz house startz to rock..In an out of teh catbox by sebenty ov three, by sebenty ten hez downstairz drinkin his tee, so putz a lickz on his paw, put on his pin striped tail.. gotta lose dose early mornin’can’t stop gruumin pushin’ shuvin rush haors bluuz!.” ( MY fave in case anykittie wantz to knaow!) Anchient, but still is a classick!
Did anyone note business cat drove a different car home on Friday? It must have been a long day….
es trulie funnie. I’m sorry for bussiness cat, but I’m 12 so I cant really relate(except for getting up for school).
We’re all cats afterall !
poor business cat, funny story
This is awesum!!
Why does business cat’s son go to school on a caturday? lol
Iz BossKeow
pour bisnis cat wurkin on caturday! wait til Ceiling Cat hears of dis!