All ur warmz dispensur are belong to meh.
kittehs luv teh warmz, but dey r so layzee…
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an yer laps, tu!
Conga rats awn yoor solow nawt-sekkund!
Kud u shaer just a littlol bit, kitteh? Itz awfulee cold in mah office today. Ai will happilee purrrvide sum extree gushyfudz az payment.
she iz holdin owt for snorgles, toona an a nip maus.
Aifink we mite be ablol to werk sumfin owt. Doze demandz sownds purrrrfektlee reezunablol.
How ’bout a footrubs, too?
Sowndz gud.
* howldz aowt teh pinkee toes foar LCB tu rubz *
Ohai lcb adn WRr! We always lub to see commints from you LCB (and WRr, too) dey makes us laffs and smilols all da time. Dis thyme tho Iz thinking WRr turnt the tablols on yuz, LCB! Wheeze still laffin.
Whut got turned on me was WRr’s stanky feets. I has been passedout all this time. *nods*
O my starz, lcb! Heer be a pillow fur your head! *Sprays lotz of Febreeze.* Are you otay LCB? Duz u knead smelling salts?
*koffkoff*
No, teh Febreeze is teh smelly enough, thx.
Hai Ai washed dem tudai iz Nawt stinkee yet!!!!
iz heet-seekeeng kitteh, aifinkso!
ohai wompycat.
ai ceed ur commintz yestordai.
hears mi floofy pawz ob frenchips.
ur wompycat lukz lik mi jessika.
ohai, noodle! pleezed tu meet yu tu!
***aksepts floofy pawz frum noodle adn ekstendsez anudder paw***
ai betchur jessika iz a berry booteefull kitteh!
Ohai, WompyCat and noodle! *Waibs and offers floofy black paw of frenship* Juss wonted to say dat Iz a card-carrying “heet-seeker!” Las week, wen itwas 101F I wuz ok wif hour human turnin off my heatin pad, butt(!) now itz onee 70 sumfin! Wats a boy to do?
oahi tiny tuffy ten bears! *extends frendly paw ob floofship* nice to meet yoo! i iz in suvvern arid zona, so i knows abowt teh heet!
ohai lunarmommy! *returns frendly paw of floofship wif a flourish* I tride to reply befur dis but eberthing went kerflooie. Wheeze in Montanaland soz we duzn’t hab the heat lik u. Hour human haz cranked up the furniss and turnt on my heat pad sos I won’t aks you to send me some.
Iz so glad to meatchu to thanks u for the Dark and Stormie Nite. I gots to play a liddle and lubbed it! I gettid all eggsited and furgot to number and messed up on da nestin butt(!) I rly had the funze! I had an endin fer the story butt dere wuzn’t no reply buttin. Thanx so muches fur a berry fun time “out.”
glad yoo liked teh DanSN! finkso we shuld doing it agin sumtime
ohai tiny tuffy ten bears!
ai habbent scene you hear b4. *extendz 2 floofy pawz wz ob frenchipz* iz dere reely 10 ob u?
ohai noodle! *extens 2 floofy black pawz ob frenships bac* Your rite, iz berry new to dis happy7 plais but i lubs it! Iz thrilled u has replied!
I be berry tiny butt(!) I haz a fearse. I stnads up on my hind legs against goggies or whateber nd iz not afeared to uzes my pointy ends–you’d think deres ten ob me!
My name comes from “Dances with Wolves”–yep, Iz fifteen and a haff.
Sawry it took so long to reply, wez die-lup nd sumfin went kerfloofie las time i tried.
Furgot to sez dat I wuz named nawt sekund fur Tuff Hedemann, da rodeo cowboy. After I stood up to da googie I gotz da rest ob da name.
Yoo merinds me ub my protektifying-bear, Baron von WiteBear. Him iz in my LOLs, aifinkso. *nods* His iz berry wize and berry mytey!
(ifinkso tiny tuffy ten bears haz teh name ob awsum an win!
)
ryte az alwayz moonmuvver! Am wishing him was teh bloo so I cud be friend rekwesting! ai lykes!
mebbe hii weel gitz registur heer?
Toestee kitteh iz toestee!
* kitteh yoost tu bi liek wite-bred, nao luukin toested
*
Jus doant blok up da coald dispinsur, kitteh! Iz in da 90′s heer tudai!
Dat Sigh Ameez kitteh luuk ZACKLY liek mai Frankie dat ai had yeerz agoe. Frankie libbed tu be 26 yerz oald!! He wuz a litlol chubie ab lubbed teh toonaz an turkeez. In fak, de vet sayz he bleevz Frankie owed hiz lawng lief tu “de reestoratib paowurz ob toonafizh”!
an ohai 2 tikkytak. iz gud 2 c lotz ob peepz hear.
*extenz da floofy pause ob da cheezefrenchipz* ai iz pleesed 2 meet u.
Ohai tu u 2, Noodle, and a bakwarz egztinshin ob teh floofy paw (did ai get dat rite?) an nize tu meechu tu yuze, tu! Ize bery glad tu be heer amung teh guud Cheezpeepz!
wowie
26 iz da most oldist kitteh ai ebbr herd ob.
Yez, he wuz mazin kitteh. Awlso mazin wuz deh fak dat he wuz indoar-owtdoar kitteh himz hoal lyfe! (He showd up as a strae in mai yard win he wuz bowt a yeer ole an alweyz had akses tu owtsid butt choaz tu stae insied mosly. Ebry uvver kitteh Ize had haz bin strikly indoar.) Teh vet yuze tu say dat Frankie wuz teh “most antique patient” dat he had!
iz all teh gud origmai… ameeba… ogummy… um, gud fishy stuffs in it
(wut a fine boi yor frankie must hab been!)
He wuz wunnerful. Ai haz had wunnerful kittehz ober de yeerz!
Wow! Himz musta been a wunnermuss, helfy kitteh tew lib sew lawng! Hao much iz dat in teh kitteh yeers, I wunner?
He wuz, Wildbreeze. The lass 3 munfs of hiz lief he wuz nawt bery guud – he had kitteh deeminsha, an ai cud tel he wuz nawt injoyen fingz. So win ai took him tu de vet tu cross de brij, we awl cried coz we had awl knoan him fur so lawng. Butt awl teh ovver partz of hiz lyfe wer filld wif joi!
Aifink wii figgered owt dat he wud be liek de oaldist hoomin on urf oar sumfin!
Buy teh wai, dat uvver comment up dere abawt hao yoo got himz… Dat’s hao mai Meowser-kitteh caem tew adopt meh tew. Ai saw hur in mai yard wen ai wuz abowt 8, and went awtside, and shi caem running. Mai parents finally agreed tew let hur stai (eben tho wii fownd awt taht shi wuz teh nayburs kitteh… dey let us keep hur tew. Wich is gud, becuz dey had goggies, adn shi HAETS goggies!). Adn nao, 6 yeers laeter, shi iz still teh prittiest kaliko kitteh arownd. ^^
26 yeers izz a longity laef fur a kitteh… wot a wunnerfull kitteh yr Frankie musta bin!
O GRATED CHEEZES
if yoo are heer, plz to seeing dis comment:
http://icanhascheezburger.com/2010/09/01/funny-pictures-cat-licks-wall-calories/#comment-993876
short version: teh system for emailing LOLs an also for contacting yoo via teh contact form appears to be borked.
I sendinged dem a copy uv deh comments. deh contact form werkt fur mii. *shrugz*
Ohai Cweenmj. Ai wuz awn baykayshun. didju miss meh? Ai brotted a prezzie, but ai lefted him inna safari park. duz U fink GP will liek teh noo bebbeh Mawnty lyon?
Ai gotted him inna blak hillz when ai seed him adn hiz mamma adn sistur playing inna meddow.
Fankeez ma Cween an lunarmommy four passin mah messidj..an tofuburger four lukkin into et..Ai beez berry fusterwated nawt been ablol tew eben contax dem ober et!!
Thx for letting us know lunarmommy! We’ll take care of it.
*marvels*
Cheezes That Be. Is there anything they *can’t* do?
o fank yoo, o graet tofuburger!
Ohai Lunarmommy !! Ai sumtiemz hab trubblolz wiht the Contaktuss !!
Yoo can emayo tehm direct at: contactus@cheezburger.com
O, yesh !! Yoo can clik awn taht linkee oar copy’n'payst tu yor emayo !!
**beeg floofy whyte kitteh runz frew teh room an hieds unner teh bed**
*peeks unner da bed*
am yu okai?
ohai rhsb, yoo iz not habbing a happy today? {{{rhsb}}}
I has been havin a ruff cuppla dayz.
{{{{{rhsb}}}}}
Iz sorree rhsb. Heerrs a nice cupppa tee freshlee brewed for yursef. Also deh biskats( when I typee dis last wurd deh ifone thought it was nuuudist” dat ifone is takin sum gettin used to) anywayz hopes uz bettah soon, rhsb. Sendin deh gud thoughts yur way.
<<>> Hoap teh rest uv teh weekweekweek goez beddur fur yew.
Sorree to heering dat. Sending sum calmifying beems posthaste ~~~~~~~~>> {{{rhsb}}}
*small floofy brown kitteh crawls unner tew* Ohai! Wazza mattur?
Wawrm Disspenssurrz andz
wyde sawfft lapz amz Kittehz’ awll
tyme Pryme Dirrekktibb!
Wawrm Sun Spawtz wurkz well
2, but Wawrm Disspenssurrz habz
wawrm frm t3h bawtumm!!
Wawrm Disspenssurz
canz awllso beez cubburrdz frum
t3h tawp eezillee!!!
Jack.
need a dispensah here!
Mine! Mine!
Maeks meh fink uv mah Meowser-kitteh. Wen we cumz hoem in teh wintur, if we lukks awtside a few minnuts laytur, wii canz sumtymes see hur lyin awn teh hud uv teh car, ubsorbin teh warmz.
Sumtymes I see widdle futprintz awn teh wyndsheeld. It maeks meh smilol.
Mai kitteh Raoul yusta sleepz infronna teh refi…rifr…big bawx wut holdz teh gushyfuds an kiips it nomable. It dispensed lotza warfms an shii wuzza rlly skini kitteh. A nachurl paring.
ar kitteh GP sleepz onna gas heeter eben inna summerztyme… it hazza pylott lite iz keepin da topzes warm adn GP tinks iz warfmzy bedzplayce just fer herz bennyfitt. Shi lykes sleepin on kompyooter prinner too!
Mah late kitteh (and mah nawt sekund one) used to tink der wuz mice in dah old centrawl heet in mah apartment in cheecagoh . It made deh loud pings and hissehs and she wuz compleetly entertained tryin to figgurs it out.
She wuz beautiful Maine coon totrtir
Oooh diz ifone ! I meant tortie!
Plz to ignore my frustrayshun.
I can haz warmz?
yoo can keyps teh warms! is elebentyhundred deegrees heer!
*sigh*
A wite kitteh-boi wif a stumpee tail named Gabriel sleepingz awl curlinged up under a bush in deh Princess Mu Medow. Hii sleepingz thru deh afternoon and intu deh ebening. Wen hii wakingz up az darkness am fawling, hii lukz arownd. Hii am being bery confuzed. Hii duzn’t recognize enneyfing. There am deh strange bushes and deh strange flowerz and deh strange treez. But mostly derhe am deh strange kitthez.
Kittehz walking; kittehz playing; kittehz washing; kittehz snoozing; kittehz chasing butterflies. Gabriel am skeered bai seeing awl deh kittehz dat hii didn’t noez. So hii skootchinged bak aginst deh bush and madingz himself az liddlol az hii kud.
Then, in deh gazzering darkness, Gabriel herd a skweeking az deh gate tu deh medow wuz opened. Hii skrinched bak intu deh darkness under deh bush eben more. Deh Nite Watchman entered deh medow and greeted deh kittehz.
Hii gave dem eer skritchez adn snorglolz and pettingz. Den hii walkifyinged over tu deh bush dat Gabriel wuz hiding under. Even in deh dark, hii noo deh kitteh wuz there. Deh Nite Watchman slowly nelt down and berry gently pikkinged up deh Gabriel. Gabriel culd tell bai deh majiklol sensez dat kittehz haz, dat dis man wuz speshul. He lissened az deh Nite Watchman talkinged soothingly. Hii sed tu Gabriel, “Ur momma lubbed u so berry muchez and shii noo dat u kud nawt standingz deh painz ennymoar. So shii sendinged u here tu be in peec adn tu wait until shii kud joyning u.”
“But I wantz tu go bak and be wif Mawm. Shii needz mii.”
“I noez u do,” sed deh Nite Watchman. “But dere am no going bak. Dhere am only going on. Ur mawm kud nawt b happy noeing u b in deh painz. U will b free uv deh painz heer. Dhere am deh uzzer kittehz tu playing wif. And ur momma kin kum and viziting u sumtimez and watching u play. U kin halping hur deh mostest bai being happy here.”
Gabriel purred contentedly fur a bit in deh Nite Watchmanz armz. Den hii hoppinged down and ran off tu playing wif a calico kitteh. Deh Watchman pikked a few wite cat hairz off himz uniform az hii walked on thru deh medow.
*sniff*
Ai haz a krying.
*sniff* byootiful az always, cween.
whut lm sed. :*(
{{MJ}}
*snifflol* beyutimus, fank u.
{{{{Gabriel and Gabriel’s mommee}}}}
da tears iz rolling down my face. Iz nawt a good fing fur peeps tu see.
Peace to you Gabriel. Your mawm iz in my fawts.
{{{{{Gabriel}}}}}
Sew sweet, mai Cween…..*sniff*…..{{{Gabriel’s momma}}} sumdaii wii will bii wif dem agin
beautful.
fankz nite watchman
hour kittehz an goggies an bunni an ebberi creatur r safe in ur strong handz an ur lubbin hart. {{{{{nite watchman}}}}}
Goe bii happee adn whole nao, sweet Gabriel!
Wii will halp taek care ob yur mamma until yu can bii
wif hur again.
Sweet and beautiful and leaky eyes here. Thank you cweenmj.
{{{{{{{Gabriel’s Mawm}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{Gabriel-Losted}}}}}}}
am so so so so sawry. My heart will take some of teh hurts, ifn yoo lets me. Aifinkso, ifn we shares it awl amongst us, will not be so hyooj, so unweildy, so so so so sad. Aifinkso, teh cheezpeeps will halp to bear teh sadness.
Fank yu cween! Mai ais jus leek adn leek nowing taht mai beyootifol boi Gabriel am at peece in teh medow wif teh Nite Watchman lukking aftur him adn gibbing him teh affekshins adn reassurints taht him kneading tu bi happi in dis nu plaes.
Plees tu letting teh Nite Watchman noe taht a pakij wif elebenty lynt rollurs am awn its whey tu Cheeztown addressid tu him wif much much lubs adn gratitood frum Gabriel’s mawm.
Iz wut maekz us hoomin. Dey libz in ower hartz furebbber. Ai alweyz sez dat a kitteh’z purr iz teh sownd of hebben.
Yoo am wise, TikkyTac. Gabriel’s Mawm is teh sweetest person yoo could ebber know. I treasures her in my heart. Teh big big hearts always hurts so bad!
dis vent iz mynz – u go away now….
*checks awn teh state of thawingedness ub teh previously frozen mouse*
*checks awn teh state ub hungreez ub grandson’s snake, Radisher*
*sighs*
Pries Oddity-cat offa teh top ub teh screen-cubber awn teh akwarium. As usual, ifn I iz nawt watchful, Oddity haz hiz nose down against teh screen cubber, sniffing, and Radisher is standing awn her tayle, nose up against teh screen-cubber, flicking her tongue, tasting Odd’s smell.
*checks awn teh mousie thawing inna cuppa warm wadder*
*finks ub heating hyoomin bebbeh-formula, in teh old days*
*wunners ifn teh mousies goze tew see teh nyte watchman in teh meddow*
*getz owt teh tongs tew be waving teh mousie around so Radisher can feel lyke she’s hunting in teh wild*
*wishes dotter would come get this snake afore ai hazta thaw enny moar mousies*
*shooz awf teh kettehs, hoo am wunnering wye only teh snake am getting mousies*
ohai, Radisher! y’noze wut day it iz? Heer comes a mousie, looking fur a housie, Where’s he gonna find it? Ryte heer ryte heer ryte heer!
*merembers ticklol game wif dotters and grandsons, singing taht ditty*
*waves teh mousie around, feeling like a niddiot anna murderess*
Wudda pritty pritty gurl!!! Am yoo hawngree tonyte? OH! MY! guess so!!!
ohay! iz NAWT A MOUSIE! IZZA FINGER! LET GO LET GO LET GO! kfnxbai!
duz teh mowsies come frum teh store already frozen? or duz yoo catch yor own an freeze tehm? iz better tahn putting a live skared mowsie in with teh snake, in any case.
an yesh, all teh innocent creetures go to teh meddow. {{{sunny}}} {{{mowsie}}}
but, moonmuvver, what do teh kittehs do when teh mousies arribes?
As far az brabe, I cannawt starve enny libbing creatures. LIBBING.
And yes, a six-pack ub “fuzzies” iz elebenty munnies.
“pinkeez” am teh liddlest, wut she yoosed tew eet, win she wuz smaller. “Fuzziez” izza liddul bigger, and haz a liddul fur. Then comes “mediums” (can they see teh future? snerk, nawt ennymoar!) ooh! badbadbad sunny!
Then, um, nawt too shoor, she haz outgrown fuzzies, but nawt kwite big enuff to swallow mediums. So, instead ub eeting ebbery 7-10 days, she am hawngree ebbery 5 days!
And! I had teh mousie in teh tongs, was waving around. She lunjed once, an I snatched it away! She lunjed twice, and I snatched it away. And then….and then….and then!
*feels teh tenshun bilding*
aaannnndddd tttthhhhhennnnnn…..she lunjed again! Cawt taht ole mousies tail in her jaws, and! kwik as lightening, her lithe body coiled coiled coiled around taht poor mousie’s body and YOINKED it outta teh tongs!!! Thawt my old heart would stop or egsplode, one or tother! Just whut ai needs at bedtime, a jimonguous rush ub adrenalin!! Was fun, a little, and scarey, a little. Nawt kwite like bunjee jumping offa bridge 200 feets ober a tiny creek, twice!, but good enuff fur a simple sunny!
…and! ifn they was nawt frozed, I wud be driving north with a snake in a kwarium! No Chance in teh Basement I could put a live mousie in there! No No No No! Thawing them inna cuppa hawt water is bad enuff! Guess they iz already in teh meddow by teh tyme I gets them.
*sunny hazza hopeful*
Pleez tew be looking out fur our mousies, Nyte Watchman! They was probly reely sweet and smart, befoar they waz food. Fankees.
Yay for obscure videogame references. xD