You hav bitterly disappointed me . . . as punishment I shall send you to a gloomy abused planet they call “earth” where you shall spend the next 100 years working for a “corporation” in a darkened bleak hole also known as a “cubicle.”
Piwi the Kiwi is hitting the treadmill not to lose weight but to restore his leg strength after breaking his legs in two separate accidents. This four-year-old bird is only half the size of a normal kiwi his age, so he had a slim chance of surviving the accidents.
Luckily, wildlife experts found Piwi and transported him to a wildlife park to mend his broken leg. Shortly after arriving at the park, Piwi broke his other leg. The vets decided to use a treadmill to help with Piwi’s recovery.
At first, Piwi wasn’t too thrilled to be on the treadmill, but the vets have said that his workout has drastically improved his muscle tone, and he has a great chance of surviving out in the wild again.
Alright guys, now as soon as he walks through the door, we’re gonna make our move.
Joseph, you’re going to go at him from the left with a couple of quick feints to distract him, and then me and Stephen will come in from the right to get him into a headlock. And then Terry will grab the grocery bag and we’ll all make a run for it.
And Martin, just stay on the shelf and DON’T DO ANYTHING. You’re the reason Operation Bolognaggedon was a colossal failure.