If yu kan reed this, it’z too late to run.
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abandon all hope…
…ye who enter hair…
epic danger immininimi, er…right close behind you.
Woot woot! Conga conserts, sweetpea awn teh tawp spot!! U heer foar GP’s big nite? Wear du we cue fer teh tikkits?
oh, here, I gotsum.
*shifty eyes*
You can pay me in shwimps! or Cui Catserole/Sheesh Ka Bobs…
Handz … er … tendrilz sweetpea a shwimp….
*psst, ai’d luk at dose klosslee*
ummm, just keep ‘em out of direct sunlight. and rain. best to keep them out of sight, somebody might get teh envy. yeah, that’s it…don’t wanna make other peeps to be feline teh envy.
Sheesh! Hao menny k u wont bob?
401
Comgrabyurelayshuns awn yur taupe spawt, sweetpea! Ai’m shuur taht ernz yu a fruntrow seet at teh konsurt!!
*follows Qs egg sample and gets bics, crayons and other writing tools ready for the consurt…*
Runawai!!!
whif a quiknesseses
wut if I can’t reed? is I safe???
see, *this* is why Literacy is sooooooo important. *nods*
Iffen yu downt hab reeds, a plastik mat wurks just az well.
Mai poyntee ends, let me show yu dem.
u has no pointy ends piggeh!
u is….. rownd.
um… u has been out, yesh.
but razing a pint to ur mouth duznn’t qualify as a ‘work owt’
16 oz curls!
Tessm! I just postified a song 4 u, but is in teh moderations. *pouts* Plz to stay tuned until it shows up? kthxhappybelatedbirfday
OH!! *sniffle* ai has a tuched!! fankyoo!
*wayts*
*snert* working out how to get more Eatser Peeps *snert*
Yes. He’s watched teh “Buns of Steel” video elebenty times.
you know, i finkso he’s juuuuuuust about plump enough for a, say…catserole. just sayin…
…. oar a pigserole?
EEEEEK!
Ai fot yu be luukin a littlil littloler…
werking owt as agenst werking in?
Moar like “getting out of work.”
The methids ob mos phlonquaiz!!!
Runz, Fawrist, runz!
tu git teh bawks ov chawklits wat lief is liek!
*dyvez heddnawt-sekkund intu bawks uv chonklits … nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom*
… hebbin, ai’m inz hebbin! Chonklitz adn an konsurt – lyf izz teh GUD, aifinkso!
u waunt somefing?
Alright already!!! I surrender to teh kyoot!!
Heee!!1 In teh HausOvTid wich iz so full ov teh cyoot!
butt (!!) u mite just make it if you hopskipdance – wiff jazzpaws!
*narrows eyes at Nennepus*
Ok, but u promise that if I does it won’t show up on teh UToobs, rite? RITE?
*hides camrah behind neerest pot plant – pushes rekord button*
erm – yesh, of corse – ai promise!!
8)
Well, ok…
*skipdancehop*
*jazzspleen*
OW!
o.O
oh nose! we kneads fyremens here – stat!
*calls fyrestashun*
Hellu – yesh, we kneads fyremens here at the ty boot eek now – LCB is hurtified!!
wut du u meen – u donut has tiem, u has a consurt
to check the security at??
*props LCB onto the hyooje pile of stuffed GPs with unplugged geetars*
ai fink u has to stay here until the consurt is over…
*calls a fyoo YNG’s to serve LCBs hand and foot*
*Takez a foot served bai a YNG*
nom nom nom
Tastes like chikken!!
*lukks rownd foar PB* Nope. Himz nawt heer. *takez uvver foot* Nomnomnom. Yep, taysts liek chikkin alrite!
wut about teh rest uf herz?
But… but… I is supposed to be in teh concert! I need to get to teh venue, stat!
*YNGs regloo the hands and feets – backwards and teh rong way and carries LCB off to the staije*
there – rite as rain an reddy for you purrformance!!
Nawt wivowt ur feetz u carnt!
the anti-wrinklol cream to LCB, stat
* nownsur boice *
Plz tu taeking yur seets in teh bakk ruum ob teh Ty Booteek.
“Piggeh… Unplugged” wheel bii startifying in 10 minnits, fankies.
*luks at watch*
*notices emptee wrist*
LCB!!!
Whut? Whut did I do? Nothin’ that’s whut!
Don’t u rember u gotted a new earring watch for ur birfday? U hasta look in teh mirror to see teh time. And don’t forget that it will show up backerwards.
OOOH.. duz that mean I can go back in tiem??
Only if u also has teh matching flux capacitor necklace.
Back to teh Fyoochur ref FTW!
Iz it fest eval seeting fur teh kon sert?
Eet is seet aneeware yu kin finding a spawt seeting!
Heer Spot!! here boy!! gud Spot!!
*sitz on Spot*
Ai haster bring mai own Spawt? Dang- left mine in mine oder pants…oh wait, heers wun on mai shirt!
Oh – can ai sit awn yur spot?? Itz so full ov peepl today.
Noms fur teh konsirt! Gitcher noms heer! Noms fur teh konsirt!
*Galumpheng Goaphurrz roal inz a luntschkart wiffa wyd selekshun uv meetz adn fresch veggablols to roal intu fresch toarteeyahz (bofe holeweet adn flower, adn teh grean wunz are veggie, adn teh purdee bloo wunz r bloo korm) to maik yur oan rappz – noe sylburwair kneaded. Tehre’z gwakkamoley, adn sowerkreem, adn Eiitalleeyan dreseng, adn dryded hawt peeper flaykz foar teh advenchuruss amung usz. Awlso tee and kawfee adn soadaz, and jooses*
U haz cuy-onna-stick??
Hmmmm – ai think ai’ll hav teh tomaytoez an gwalaholeymoley wif teh drseng an dryded hawt pepper flaykes! Ai ar teh advenchuruss! But ai bedder hav a nice cold root beer to go wif it!
Thanks!
*nom nom nom*
But reelee gud!
*SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP SLURP sip sip sip sip*
LOL Taht WUZ the hawt.
Stuck in pleh meetink!!!
At teh approp…..appri…at teh rite tyme, be puttifying yur paw tu yur eer adn ‘anser teh fone’ *ohai, wut? WUT??!!?? ok, ai’ll be rite dere!* adn xkuse yurself adn sai “Ai hab tu go, teh goggeh iz on fyre” adn runawaiwifakwikness.
* teh lites dim, GP appears in teh candlollite sat awn a stuhl strumming awai awn hims littlol akoosteek geetar *
Ohai.
* strum *
Welkumming tu “Piggeh… Unplugged”.
* strum *
Yu nose…? Ai has nawt bean arownd mush resuntlee.
* strum *
Sum sai ai has bin awf awn Sabbatical (adn Mondical adn Tuesdical).
* strum *
Sum sai ai has bin awf awn sum kynd ob seekreet mishun.
* strum *
Teh trooth, mai frends… is mush, MUSH saddur.
* strum *
Seet bakk, adn ai wheel telling yu awl abowt eet…
* strum *
Is yu reddy?
We iz waiting wif baited um, “bated” breaf!
*Nomz a minnow.*
Pewpewpew- spits owt a fly that landed in open mouf.
*holds breth*
*starts turning bloo*
*tikklols skwirrlgrrl so she’ll breeve*
Yu kan’t swoon til teh Piggeh starts singin!!
can too!
*swoons now just to be contraree*
*swayz bak adn foarf … lytez teh Bic adn hoaldz itz abuv hedd … OWTCH! taht’z hawt! Deesydifyes tu waiv gloestik instedd … waiv’n'swae, waiv’n'swae …*
REDDEEEEEEE!!11!!!!
*lytes moar kandlols*
* strum *
Otay, heer is a littlol sawng ai roted fur won berry speshul Cheezfrend. Yu nose hu yu is.
* strum *
O, teh bebbeh otters is handing owt ShamWows, yu mite knead won…
</object
Has yu seed teh GP
A sad faised littlol rodint
Lukking at sum paypur
Taht's worn owt wib yoos…
In hims eyes yu sea no pryde
Adn held loosely at hims syde
Yesserdai's paypur recalling yesserdai's gnus…
So kin yu sea, him's lonely?
Adn sea, fur him, teh sun donut shyne?
“Lemme taek yu bai teh hand adn leed yu thru teh streets ob Brummingham”
“Ai wheel show yu sumfing taht wheel maek yu smyle..”
Has yu seed GP's gurl
Hu walked teh streets wib him?
Blonde flowing hare adn lawts ob bags
Dey spent hours talking
In Whales, dey went walking
But den she went home, wib hur lawts ob bags…
So kin yu sea, him's lonely?
Adn sea, fur him, teh sun donut shyne?
“Lemme taek yu bai teh hand adn leed yu thru teh streets ob Brummingham”
“Ai wheel show yu sumfing taht wheel maek yu smyle..”
In hims fayborit cafe
At a kwarter pass eleben
Littlol GP is sitting dere awn hims own
Lukking at teh whirrled
Ober teh rim ob hims tee cup
Eech tee lasts fur ebber
Den he scampers home alown…
So kin yu sea, him's lonely?
Adn sea, fur him, teh sun donut shyne?
“Lemme taek yu bai teh hand adn leed yu thru teh streets ob Brummingham”
“Ai wheel show yu sumfing taht wheel maek yu smyle..”
Has yu seed the GP
Owtside the canalside bar
Memories nebber fayding
Ob teh thymes taht dey shared
On ower winter holiday
Teh rayn cryed teh tears ai didn't
Fur mai speshul blonde hared gurl…
Ai hopes yu nose hao mush ai care…
So kin yu sea, him's lonely?
Adn sea, fur him, teh sun donut shyne?
“Lemme taek yu bai teh hand adn leed yu thru teh streets ob Brummingham”
“Ai wheel show yu sumfing taht wheel maek yu smyle..”
*waives glo-stic*
*wipes tear frum fais*
*waves ShamWow*
*blows nose on glo-stick*
is you not going to use that shamwow?
I has a…er… sniffle
*sniffs*
Halp urself. I brang a hole case of them.
fangQ.
*sniffle, snort, HONKs into Shamwow*
* hedbats stoopy phlonquais fur getting RONG BIDEO!!! *
Heer, plz tu trai tihs won insted
Owch! Hay!
Yu OK?
Waaaah! Haz to blot tears off keybord. GP- so sad, so hartfelt! Standing ovashun!
♥ Itz so sweet tu noez dat GP still b lubbing deh LCB!! ♥
BOM_MOMME swoonz frum da sec cee ness of GP’s singin.
*splort*
Oh deer deh consert splortz b deh surprize! I heer to helping u noaw.
*runz in wif teh CCC.
*Sweeping up deh braynez, sweep, sweep. Awl in a liddul pile.
*Scoopee, scoop, scoop.
*Adn tukitee, tuk, tuk awla braynez bak in deh hed.
*Pull on deh CHRG snugee, snug, snug.
*Rappitee, rap, rap wif deh dukkee tayp.
OK u lukking bedder awlreddy. Now I just tuk u up in deh floofee blankee.
.
Oopsee!! awlmost fergotted heerz a chokklit possum, & a nice hot cuppa tee.
FankU mii cween, ai just gotz sew emoshunal ai cuddnt halp miiself.
oh, haow lublollee adn sadd …
*dryz leekee eiies onz an shamwow*
*waivz glostyk inz ayr*
*sniffles*
*passes out Shamwows*
:clapps wildly:
:snifffs:
:waves glow stick:
Dis da bestez vurzhun uf wun uf mah faverit songz. Ah lieks deeses leeriks bettur.
PFT! Just liek that piggeh to get us all werked up and disammappear….
GP ware u is?? I has a song… shud I postify it??
K… while u is waiting for teh next offering from teh piggeh… I has a song too!
Plz to feel free to sing along to the musical stylings of the Skwirrlls!
(With aplologies to Pink Floyd)
Oh, Ohai so nice to see
(On) ICHC
Our friend GP!
He can come out to play
On a cool spring day
Put smiles in our harts
And lift up our Monday
But where has he been so long?
On one of his flights?
Wish piggeh could stay
For more than just one day
But he works very hard
*hedbats RLS*
And time just goes by so fast
Next thing you know he’s away
How I wish, how I wish you were here
We could laugh and hike
Maybe ride on a bike
Or drink a beer
Thinking now of the fun we’ve had
We could have more
*blinks back a tear*
Wish you were here
oh may – how sad…
*sniff*
*sniff*
* sniffles *
*hands GP a speshul shamwow*
*has a nempathy*
there, there, little piggeh.
*ponders*
well, i guess I shouldn’t try to make Sheesh Ka Piggehs, or Cui Catserole from teh pore lil guy.
*hugs teh littlol gratelee mist viktim ov RLS*
{{{{{{{{LittlolViktimGP}}}}}}}}}}
*frownz at sweetpea fur eben MENSHUNING the Sheesh Ka Piggehs*
:starts hugging cheezpeeps:
*skritches piggeh behind teh eer*
*gets out lcbPhone*
*uses Flick Ur Bic app*
*uses Mop Up Ur Tears app*
*wrings out lcbPhone*
That gave me goose flesh. Um…
*looks at hungry kittehs*
*backsawaywithawariness*
AA!
*tackelsqueezeschmoo*
Hee!
*schmootoyoutoo*
Strypee Preddaturr
pro~tekkz himz Hewmin’z Hoam andz
himz 4ebburr Hoam!
Strypee Preddaturr
canz syze Hewminz up andz feenkz
feengz nawtz luykeengz gud!!
Sttypee Preddaturr
roolz wif an iyrn fisstz wutz am
insyde Flooffee Pawz!!!
Jack.
* strum *
Otay, afore ai intwodyooces mai nawt sekkund speshul guest; heer am a claseek frum Cheestock:
mmmMMMmmm
Wen yur dai is laaawwwnnnggg…
adn reel lyfe…
reel lyfe won’t leebe yu alowne…
Wen yur shore yu’s had enuff…
ob reel lyfe…
well, log awn…
Type “Cheezburger”, hit goooooo…
lookit teh picshores wib yur eyes…
but ebberybody SPLORTS…
sum thymes…
sum thymes yur duck taype is nawt strawng…
if yur bayving cap just went *SPRONG*
teh cyoot crash cart wheel bii alawng… (hold awn, hold awn)
put yur purrtektibb gogglols on (hold awn)
iffn yu feel lyke yur braynes are teh smushed…
den reel lyfe…
eet is gawn…
cos ebberybody SPLORTS…
awl ob yur cheezy frends…
EBBERYBODY SPLORTS!!!
Hawt Chokk-lit adn…
Marsh-maaallow…
donut look at teh LOL
wib yur cheezmap blankie awn…
NOM NOM NOM, yur chokklit possum!
iffn yur awn yur own…
in reel lyfe…
teh days adn nites are lawng…
wen yu finkso yu’s had tu mush…
ob reel lyfe…
plz tu log awn…
In ower speshul plais…
SUM THYMES…
Won ob teh cheezfrends cries
adn ebberybody’s thorts
is full ob supports
cos ebberybody hurts
Sum thymes…
plz tu hold awn, hold awn,
Hold awn, hold awn, hold awn, hold awn, hold awn, hold awn (nom nom nom nom nom)
(OHM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM)
Ebberybody Splorts…
NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
Yu is teh nawt alowne…
Oooo, Oh, Um… ahh… Uh-oh!!! SPLORT!
*runs in wif de portablol CC-hampur* *skoops braynes up an rincies with passhun fruit sparkleh mineral water* *playcis brayns back in cabbity and put headbone back* *tayp tayp tayp tayp tayp tayp tayp tayp tayp tayp wif ducky taep – hello Kitty akshulleh* *puts on multiplol CHRGs an moar tayp tayp tayp tayp* *Puts cweenmj in a floofeh blankitt, in teh comfy chair in de recubbery room – wif a cup ob hot chocklit and som donuts an a glass ob Rosinas majiklol recubereh eliksir* Here – read these planning permisshun-applicashuns frum 1957 – shud unsploart u in just sekkunds!!!
Fankeez OCM!! *readz gubermenteze* PLEH!!! I feeling ok now!!
Onose! Teh cween am daon! wat to dew, wat to dew… ai habz nawt bin heer enuf, duz ai remememember wat to dew…lesseee…
*sweepsweepsweep*
*scoopscoopscoop*
*rinsrinsrins wif teh sparklolly wadders*
*pakpakpak*
*clikkify teh braynium boans bak in plays*
*snap awn a noo CHRG(wdoi)*
*lead teh cween to teh splorts recubbery laonj adn gib her a hot choklit adn choklit possum*
Phew! ai hoaps ai dids dat rite!
Oo a dublol rekew!! fankeez Mezzomom!!! *nomz chokklit* U did eggsalad!!
*runz in wif teh CCC.
*Sweeping up deh braynez, sweep, sweep. Awl in a liddul pile.
*Scoopee, scoop, scoop.
*Adn tukitee, tuk, tuk awla braynez bak in deh hed.
*Pull on deh CHRG snugee, snug, snug.
*Rappitee, rap, rap wif deh dukkee tayp.
OK u lukking bedder awlreddy. Now I just tuk u up in deh floofee blankee. here’s ur choklit possum, just let da musik flow around u.
Twipplol rezQ!! fankz BOM!!! mmm more chokklit!!
bee-u-ti-mus! aifinkso. mai eyze r leakee!!
luks for ShamWow.
*sets up unofficial printed concert Shamwow stand*
*gibs AA offishul vendur kontrakt tu be syning retroaktibly in triplicat*
Fankoo! All proceeds go to worthy causes!
*gibs AA broshurz for teh Bebbeh Ottur Reskyoo Fund adn obber charitibul venchurz establishd at teh Cheezland Safari Park*
*mayks shoor contakt adn “mayk chekks payabul tu” info is currint*
*gets in line*
how many munnies do you want for those? are they rated 1P, 10P or 100P??
*getz in teh lyon behind skwirrlgrrl*
*admirez hur flowing blonde harez*
Munnies? They cost one floofy paw shake and a hedbonk. You can P on them as many times as you want, just don’t put fabric softener in the ebil tumbler thingy after you wash them out.
how about a floofy tail shake?
*shakes floofy tail*
but… don’t we WANT them to be soft??
The fabric softener dispels the Shammagic!
* strum *
Fankies. Fankies.
* strum *
Nao, plz tu welkumming awn stayge… teh won, teh ownlee (fankfulleh)…
LOLCATBURGLAR!
*nudjez LCB* psst! dats ur kyoo!
She may need sum halp- SUMWUN glued her feets on bakwards!
LCB takes the stage with her acouscoustic lolguitar she got in Morocco. She is dressed simply, wearing a tweed jacket, tweed skirt and tweed mask with eyeholes cut out of teh leather patches. She makes a short speech about how very recently she was saddened when it appeared that there was Cheezpeeps whut felt it was moar important to encourage young trolls than it was to preserve teh happy and stress-free utopia that Cheezland has become for many of us. She knows some Cheezpeeps has grate big harts but in her 3-year tenure here in Cheezland she has learned teh sad yet inevitable lesson that it is better to shun trolls of all ages than to risk alienating even one beloved Cheezfriendship. She sings a song of regret.
TROLLS IN CHEEZLAND
(aplologies to Eric Clappityton and Tears in Heaven)
(see below video for lolyrics)
Would u call me names
If I saw u in Cheezland
Would it be a shame
If I saw u in Cheezland
I must be strong, and shine u on
’cause I know u don’t belong
Here in Cheezland
Would u sow discord
If I saw u in Cheezland
Would u mock our horde
If I saw u in Cheezland
I’ll turn away, it’s teh best way
’cause I know u just can’t play
Nice in Cheezland
Trolls can bring u down
Trolls can harsh ur squee
Trolls can brake ur hart
So don’t feed them plz
Shun them, plz
(hartbraking lolguitar solo)
Feed them no moar
Just plz ignore
And I know there’ll be no moar
Trolls in Cheezland
Would u call me names
If I saw u in Cheezland
Would it be a shame
If I saw u in Cheezland
I must be strong, and shine u on
’cause I know u don’t belong
Here in Cheezland
’cause I know u don’t belong
Here in Cheezland
Clappity, clappity! Very gud, LCB!
W00t!! w00t!!! Egg salad!!!!
*flikz Bic*
Oh egg salad indeed!
*maeks sylint vow to LCB taht she will NEBBER feed teh trolls again.*
*huggifies Janet*
*um, just because*
*huggifies LCB*
BFFs furebber!
yesh, yesh!
*flix her Bic*
* strum *
Byootmuss, LCB.
* strum *
Member, kidlets: Stai in skool, sai NO tu drugs adn PLZ tu NAWT feeding teh Tee-Arr-Ohh-Ell-Ells.
Fankies.
* strum *
*unswoons*
*nod in agreement wif LCB*
*claps enthoosiatistcally but respeckfully*
*waves glo-stik*
*teerz streem daon fays*
Wii lubs yoo, LCB!!!
*throws NPT buttons owt tu teh crowd*
*puts NPT button on back of denim jacket next to “I <3 LCB" button*
*pins “I ♥ AA” button over ♥*
OW!
*reports to teh first aid tent to treat bleeding ♥*
*directs firemen to the first aid tent*
*swabs awn auntie septik*
*hands LCB a copee of Left to Right: A Moving Guide*
*puts awn a strypee bang-aydj*
Oh. Did yoo want wun?
Does u has any Hello Kitty ones?
Lemme see.
*rummages thru hyooj bin*
Alfamabet listee guide
Broozes bai Hed B. Atters
Cushee-sawft pillols fur storee tym
Donald Duk bandigez
“EebreePillEggsplayned” buk
“Fite teh Piggeh Flu” instrukshus
G . . .
*gibs teh bebbeh otter a sayfer plays tu sit*
Hao tu Yoos teh CCC
Icy-creem bangayges
“Gushifud Gydebuk” – teh kormpleat wun
Happeetayle Waggery 101
Iceycweems!
J …
Junglol printz bandijes
Kalaiduskopez tu taek ur maind off teh payne
LOLMart cat-alog tu reed wyle u waitz fur Dr. Tinycat
M……
Jabbee needlols 4 maeking fele bedder butt! donut hurt
Kitteh, hello! Noe, iz uh diffrunts wun, stripey . . .
LCBz fabrite soop (chikn aifinkso) . . .
M . . .
Munnees nawt needed certifikate
Noze-wipey cloths
Paypper foar presc…pris..DrTinyCat rites meds on dem
Qwilty baynd-adez foar neez
Rayzerz tu trim arownd kuts
Soap-sudz enem…..nebber mynd
Tow splynts
Un-do teh Dr orders
Verry close veign stokkings
Whutchamacawlitz
X-rayz (tu chech teh noms)
Yung feelin pilols
Zipwifakwikness, dis is teh nawt-sekkond ade stashun!
*wabes glowsittik*
*lukking fut shamwow*
*snif* ai habs to leeb nao, pleh RLS!
Taht wuz teh lurvlolee adn teh hartfellted, LCB!
*driiez eiies awn shamwow*
*ryngz owt shamwow onz teh floar*
*klymbz intu innurtyoob tu flote awn puddlol uv teer waddur foar rezt uv konsirt*
ur beatific sweet sounds r maken mi aiis leakz da copious tearz 4 awl da cheezpeepz inna da hole werld.
“acouscoustic guitar from Morocco” LOL!
*runz in wif teh CCC.
*Sweeping up deh braynez, sweep, sweep. Awl in a liddul pile.
*Scoopee, scoop, scoop.
*Adn tukitee, tuk, tuk awla braynez bak in deh hed.
*Pull on deh CHRG snugee, snug, snug.
*Rappitee, rap, rap wif deh dukkee tayp.
OK u lukking bedder awlreddy. Now I just tuk u up in deh floofee blankee. Here ur choklit possum, relax an just let the music floo around u.
This is a repeat, nothin to see here, move along.
*stops to gawk eneway*
* strum *
Otay. Thyme fur an otter claseek frum Cheestock.
* strum *
Ai roted tihs won fur ower deer frend, Maus. Wii misses heem.
Dark adn stormeh nite
teh dai before Caturdai
lookit hu’s cum owt tu plai
ower mausey frend, teh won taht yu awl no
skwirrls awn hims heels
skritch hims eers adn fetching hims pills
bring hims cheeze adn slippurs wib frills
in commints heer in cheezeh cheezeh land
nao ai unnerstand
whut yu traid tu sai tu me
hao yu suffered fur yur salaree
hao teh cheezfrends set yu free
yur zippo glistens
wen yu gets eet owt
O, nose… him’s Ebil nao…
Dark adn stormeh nite
flayming reports arr well ablaze
teh stoopy soots arr in a dayze
Respect teh Rodint’s valid poynt ob view!!!
munthleh figgers oberdue
muttered thorts ob “o, nawt again”
“ware ai cud bii wibowt tihs bawl adn chayn”
“snoozing ‘neath teh sun awn teh warm, warm sand…”
nao ai unnerstand
whut yu traid tu sai tu me
hao yu suffered fur yur salaree
hao teh cheezfrends set yu free
“Piggeh, yu muss lissen, teh thyme is nao”
“knowledge, ai muss endow”
“donut let dem pwn yu”
“juss du liek ai du…”
adn wen no howp wus leff in syte, awn taht dark adn stormeh nite
yu set fings alite, as Mauses offen du…
but ai cud has towld yu, Rodint…
Reel Lyfe wus nebber ment fur won as full ob win as yu…
Dark adn stormeh nite
pleh reel lyfe doody calls
flaymeproof TPS weekleh reports
“Hay Maus! Has yu done awl ob yur werk yet?!”
debfreef teh strayngers yu has met
bai dragging awf dere ragged clothes
use octopus adn sum ob dose
well mushed adn frozen pastries wib jello
Nao aifinkso ai no
whut yu traid tu sai tu me
hao yu suffered fur yur salaree
hao teh cheezfrends set yu free
yur zippo glistens, yu gibbs us awl such a thrill
ai hopes yu alwais wheel…
*snerk*
you said doody!
buwhahahhaahaa!!
*recomposes self and applauds*
er, srry… its byootiful, rly it is.
*cries a little for teh missed Maus*
In Maus’ honor, I’d like to also bring back a classic. There is a video for this one on teh Toobs of U, but teh nature of teh pictures is teh way to serious for this site so I won’t embed teh link, out of respects for teh original subjects. U can paste this nummer in teh “Search” box at teh UToobs: c2eO65BqxBE
Everybuddy, feel free to sing along!
Debriefees
(With aplologies to Woody Guthrie’s Deportees and regret for teh real events the song was written about in teh first place.)
The cart has pulled up, the Cheezpeeps are scatt’ring,
The jig is now up for their Fruit-of-the-Looms;
They’re taking ‘em off in a debriefing frenzy
They say all the Cheezpeeps be knowing too much.
My father’s own father, he lost his best boxers,
They took off the panties from his lady wife;
My brothers and sisters come decked out in Jockeys,
And they rode the cart where they took down their drawers.
Goodbye to my thong, goodbye tighty-whities,
Adios cotton step-ins, Y-fronts and bikinis;
You won’t have your Hanes when you ride the big “D” cart
And all they will call you will be “debriefees”
Some of us go commando, our undies abducted,
The guy on the cart said they’d have to come off;
Six hundred shots of cold debriefing fluid,
They made us hold objects, like lard bowls and tongs.
We gave up our shorts and we gave up our g-strings,
We gave up our longjohns, we gave up our trunks.
You reached ‘neath our clothes and extracted our knickers
Our astronaut diapers, even our Depends.
Goodbye to my thong, goodbye, tighty-whities,
Adios cotton step-ins, Y-fronts and bikinis;
You won’t have your Hanes when you ride the big “D” cart
And all they will call you will be “debriefees”
The Zippo set fire to our unmentionables,
Like a fireball of lightning, and destroyed them all,
And who are all these peeps, all freezing their buns off?
The comments page says, “They are just debriefees”
Is this the best hope we can hold for our cute boy shorts?
Is this the best end for our undergarments?
To fall prey to vultures who expose our hineys
And be known by no name except “debriefees”?
Goodbye to my thong, goodbye, tighty-whities,
Adios cotton step-ins, Y-fronts and bikinis;
You won’t have your Hanes when you ride the big “D” cart
And all they will call you will be “debriefees”
Big sigh fur our frend Maus- U are missed!
Scuze mee! Umm – skuwz mee.
Sorree – did that hurt? Pardon mee
No, no, dunt geddup. Ooops!
*skweeezes in neggst to cweenmj*
Thanks fur saving mee this seet. Itz so CROWDED! Aid bee standing in teh bak!
Hoep ai dint miss tooo much.
* strum *
* falls awf stuhl laffing *
* strum *
*Rollz over tu piggeh*
*Steelz gitar*
*runzawaystrumming*
*hoaldz awn tu Granneepanteez wif bofe hanndzes*
Kwik! Sumbunneh handz mih a flannik!!
soemutsch foar linkees tu reeplie …
*sigh*
* strum *
Otay, so bakk tu teh storee.
* strum *
Wail ai has bin awai, LCB has gone adn gotted hurrself a robo-phlonquais.
* strum *
Heer’s a littlol sawng ai roted abowt taht.
* strum *
O, wayt! Ai almoss forgotted tu brang awn mai nawt thurd speshul guest!!! Heer, tu plai teh part ob Kate Busheh Tayl…
SKWIRRLGRRL!!!
Piggeh:
In tihs Cheezland ai rote a sawng
Ebberywon cud sing alawng
Ai wus taut tu rite, eet wus win
Mai Phlonquer showed mii teh wai
No thyme left oar so eet seems
Ai is a pig hus jawb has ebaporated
Ai chaynged mai fais, ai chayned mai nayme
But but but no won wants yu wen yur Scrooge
Skwirrl:
Donut gibb up
Yu has Cheezfrends
Donut gibb up
Yur NAWT beeted yet
Donut gibb up
Ai nose yu kin maek eet gud
Piggeh:
Tho ai seed eet run arownd
Nebber fortso ai wud bii rejekted
Aifortso ai’d bii last tu go
Eet ees so straynge teh wai fings turn
Thruowt teh nite, ai scampered rownd
Teh plaice ware ai has fun, heer in Cheezland
As dailite broek, ai seed him smirk
Teh fiend had terned mai lief arownd
Skwirrl:
Donut gibb up
Yu steel has us
Donut gibb up
Wii donut knead no lecreeceetee
Donut gibb up
Cos sumware dere’s a plaice
Ware yu belong
Rest yur hed
Yu wurries tu mush
Is gonna bii awlrite
Wen thymes get ruff
Yu kin fawl bakk awn us
Donut gibb up
Plz, donut gibb up
Piggeh:
Gotta scamper owt ob heer!
Ai canut taek aneemoar!
Gonna stand awn taht breedj!
Joyn teh Trolls down below!
Whutebber mai come!
Adn whutebber mai go!
Hur Phlonquais’s robo…
Hur Phlonquais’s robo…
Moobed awn tu an otter blog
Traid hard tu bii a Troll
Fur ebbery LOL, so manee Trolls
So mannee Trolls no won kneads
Skwirrl:
Donut gibb up
Yu has Cheezfrends
Donut gibb up
Yur nawt rly a Troll
Donut gibb up
No raisin tu bii afrayd
Donut gibb up
Yu steel has us
Donut gibb up nao
Go bakk tu yur Phlonquer
Donut gibb up
Yu nose hao hur lieks hur joose skweezing
Donut gibb up
Cos ai bleebe dere’s a plaice
Dere’s a plaice ware yu belongs…
Adn dat fing gibs a meen hedbat, tu! *rubs hedd*
*sobs uncontrollably*
But… but… Piggeh, u knoes u always has a place here! U sined a lifetime contract! As far as u know.
Yup!! Ai seed taht kontrakt wif mai ohn aeiz!
No choyse at awl.
*whispurrs to LCB* Hee haz a laiflawg sinning contrakt?
Don’t give him any idears!
Beautimus singing Skwirrl! Piggeh! *waivs glow stikk*
*wypez teh leekee aiez*
*wif a hankee frum Maus*
This iz a hoam, ar happee, happee hoam.
An tho yoo may rome,
laik teh traveling gnome,
THIS iz teh playce yoo ar known!!
PFT!! I is kwite teh fond of Scrooge McPig. He roted me a verra sweet song last year. STN
Mick wanted to bring back this song from last year’s “Piggeh… in Conversation” event. Is teh acoustimacle, even teh Fronsch horn. If u axe me, I think Mick rly has a soft spot for that piggeh. *nods*
U Can’t Always Please LCB
(wif aplologies to teh Lolling Stones, except for Mick. He knows why.)
*Lolpigburglar and Scrooge McPig, freshly styled and audited by Fronk, inhale helium and sing*
I sawr LCB at teh reception
Warm applol juice in her hand
I knew she would have a conniption
When she learned it was “GP” brand
No, u can’t always please LCB,
U can’t always please LCB
U can’t always please LCB
But if u try sometime
U might find u get ur revenge.
*lolpigburglar plays a fronsch horn solo*
*Mick struts up to teh mic, singing from GP’s pint point of view*
I sawr LCB at teh reception
Warm applol juice in her hand
I knew she was gonna have a conniption,
When she learned it was “GP” brand
(Chorus)
U can’t always please LCB
U can’t always please LCB
U can’t always please LCB
But if u try sometime,
U might find u get ur revenge!
And I went down to LCB’s mansion
To get my fair share of abuse,
I sed, “I wanna nom some pork scratchings!
If I don’t I’m gonna spill some warm applol juice!”
sing it to me, piggehs
(Chorus)
Oh, piggeh, yesh, oh
I went down to teh Cheezland Drugstore
To get Mick’s prescription filled
I was standing in line with lolpigburglar
And man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a Guinness
My fav’rite kind of beverage
I told my woes to lolpigburglar
Yeah, and he sed one word to me and that was “rage”
I sed to him
(Chorus)
Whoa yesh! Whoo!
*lolpigburglar and Scrooge McPig sing oohs and aaahs while Mick screams, struts and pouts*
I sawr LCB at teh reception
In her glass was some shampers
She was practised at teh art of hedbatting
Well, I could tell by my blood-stained eers
(Chorus x 2)
*lolpigburglar and Scrooge McPig sing oohs and aaahs while Mick struts and pouts and eventually falls over*
* strum *
Ahem. Well. Yesh. Umm. Fankies Mick.
* strum *
* wheels in extra large amps, electric guitars and drumkit *
OK!!! Let’s get this party star…
* Mick gets dragged off stage by angry looking wolves *
Q. realizes it’s safe to swoon in here. So crowded that she can’t fall down/go boom even if she wanted to. Which, of course, she does want to do since there must be Fyremenz or YNGs or YNFyremenz in here somewheres.
*Sigh. Wishes were tall enough to see ovur the sea of Cheezpeepz*
*Goes wild clappifying and whistling*
*bringz in box fur Q to stand awn*
Heer! This shud halp!
Kayrful! Dat wunz full ob sno-gloabs.
Dis is teh bakk ruum ob teh Tye Booteek, ykno. We yooz it fur stoarij.
*suddenly Q is crowd surfing on a surfeit of YNFs*
TTC, whoo haz bin lerkifying thru teh wunnermussly inurtanning consurt, decydes itz notz a gud idear tu suggst a “Mosh Pit”
ohai TTC! *extends floofy paw uv frenship while jumping up an down*
ohai tessm *extends floofy paw of frenship while rubbing on ur leggies*
* strum *
Otay, thyme fur an otter Piggeh claseek.
* strum *
Tihs is an otter sawng abowt bean a phlonquais.
* strum *
Is cawled “Splorts Car”.
Piggeh:
Yu gawt a SPLORTS car…
Ai wanna taek eet tu Delaware…
Mebbeh wii kin maek a meel?
Mebbeh tugebber wii kin get sum Hare?
O wayt, Plaice is bedder
Fud stocks at Zero, gawt notting tu yoose!
Mebbeh wheel maek sumfing
Mii, maiself, ai gawts nomming tu du!
Yu gawt a SPLORTS car…
Ai gawt a pan adn a coolur full ob beer
Ai gawt cyoopawns fur teh conbeeneeunts stoar
Ownlee has tu spend juss a littlol bit ob munnie
wown has Okra in a jar
Juss Corn Bred adn a bag ob sumfing Gritteh
Yu adn ai kin boff get lawts
Canut yu sea taht mai belleh kneads filling??? * nod nod *
Yu sea taht owld man’s gawt a prollem * poynts at Mick *
Hims lips du teh bobblol wen hims goes like tihs * nod nod *
Hims sed “Tihs Lip Creem am NAWT werking”
“Mai bodee’s tu yung tu looking lieh tihs!!!”
lolcatburglar, lookit… aww, bless him!
Awl ob hims lyfe, hims thort hims hadded a gift!
Yu sed: “Piggeh, yu gawts tu taek care ob him!”
“So quit playin’ teh fool adn get him sum meds!”
Yu gawt a SPLORTS car
Is eet fast enuff so ai kin win teh dai?
Ai gawt Pole pozishun!
Dere’s teh Green Lite! ZOOM! Adn ai’m awai!
Ai member ai wus drybing, drybing in yur car
Speeds SO FAST ai forgot ai was a Phlonque
Flashy lites filled up mai mirrurs
Adn yur car felt nyce, ai shud bii eet’s owner…
adn ai-eey-ai had a feline ai wus bein’ ronged
adn ai-eey-ai had a feline ai cud sea sumwon, a poleese man? A POLEESE MAN!
Yu gawt a SPLORTS car
adn ai went croosin’, ennertain’d mai frends…
Steel… ai gawt a job * shrug *
ai werk in teh londry adn awn teh prison grill
so ai’m riting yu tihs heer lettur
mai plan wheel werk, ai kneads yu deeboted
O, plz tu ending teh torchur!
lyfe in teh beeg howse ain’t phun fur pigburglars!
“Yur honnur, ai wus drybing, drybing in hurr car”
“NAWT so fast, promiss ai was NAWT drunk!”
“Flashy lites filled up mai mirrurs”
“adn ai pulled rite ober tu teh showldur”
“ai-eey-ai new ai had dun notting at awl rong”
“ai-eey-ai had a feline ai had juss bin stung, juss bin stung, juss bin stung”
lolcatburglar:
“Ai gawt a SPLORTS car”
“adn ai has tu werk adn pai awl ob teh beels!”
“Yu stai owt raycing layte in mai car!”
“yur SO mush trubble, yu adn teh otter pigs!”
“Yu wheel has tu bii bedder!”
“Ai’ll bang yur heds tugebber! Yu, adn GP, & Scrooge McPig”
“Cancul yur plans, yu ain’t going tu Delaware!”
“O, adn teh SPLORTS car; yu ain’t NEBBER drybing!”
Judge:
“Nao, member! Wen yur drybing, drybing in yur car”
“Seetbelts fastened, beers in teh trunk”
“Rodint types strapped in dere harness”
“adn yur arm rest down, lolphone in eet’s holdur”
“ai-eey-ai has a feline taht yu is teh strawng”
“ai-eey-ai has a feline yu kin control dem, control dem, control dem…”
“Ma’am, yu gawt a SPLORTS car”
“eet’s fast enuff, yu cud juss drybe awai”
“Yu gotta maek a deesizhun…”
“Leebe him heer, oar taek him awai…”
lolcatburglar:
* sigh *
Hii is mai Phlonquais…
Hii is mai Phlonquais…
Hii is mai Phlonquais…
*suddenly rembers she has to go pay teh splortscar insurance bill*
Ai think if yoo wud send mee teh duk snawt yoo mite hav enuf fur teh splortzcar inch yur ants.
Adn tu fixify teh raydio. Plz doan furgit teh raydio.
(Trying again, cannot finger out whut needs to be moderated, except teh embed? Teh video is at teh Toobs of U, paste in this nummer: 2djcNjNkoJI)
LCB takes the stage again, with a smuggled-in electrimackle lolguitar. (Don’t ask how she did it. She’d rather not say.)
O hai! I wanted to take advantage of today’s concert to does a song for my vry gud fren, Tessm, who hadded a birfday a few days ago. I wanted to does a song for her last year but because she has such vry
peculiarparticular tastes in musics I couldnot find just teh thing. But after having met her on a few occasions and seeing teh awesome jewelrys and other stuffs she makes I just picked a song that is about being self-assured and stylish. Happy Birfday, Tess!TESS’S LOCKET
(aplologies to Chrissie Ohynde and teh Pretendifyers, Brass in Pocket)
Check Tess’s locket
She’s got talent, she’s gonna use it
No question, she’s inventive
Gonna make a, make a, make a necklace
Got baubles, beads à go-go
Gold findings, shiny gleaming
Her design, just seems so pleasing
Gonna make a, make a, make a bracelet
Gonna make some charms
Gonna use some SCRAP
Gonna show her guile
Gonna use her style sense
Gonna make some shrinkdinks
Gonna use her, her, her imagination
‘Cause she’s gonna make you squee
There’s nobody else here
No one like she
She’s special, so special
I gotta have some of ur creations, give them to me
Soft sculpture, she can make it neat
Designs lolgowns, they’re so reet
Got some yarn, she’ll knit it for u
Gonna make u, make u, make u notice
Gonna make some charms
Gonna use some SCRAP
Gonna show her guile
Gonna use her style sense
Gonna make some shrinkdinks
Gonna use her, her, her imagination
‘Cause she’s gonna make you squee
There’s nobody else here
No one like she
She’s special, so special
I gotta have some of ur creations, give them to me
‘Cause she’s gonna make you squee
There’s nobody else here
No one like she
She’s special, so special
I gotta have some of ur creations, give ‘em to me
Oh mai! {{{{LCB}}}} fank yoo muchlee!!
ai iz teh blushing! an pleesed as punch!
aifinkso u bin taykin gud notes! u gotted EVRYFING in dere!!
oh… ai see… kinda lyke ai gotted liddlol bit uv everyfing in mah stoodio… ahem…
(and dare ai say, ai hasta pak it awl up too and is NAWT EESY)
*whispurrs* but but but ai cannawt see ennyfing whut needed modifying. ??? oh, teh mysteereez uv WP.
*shrug*
I didnot have a place in teh song for teh red, holographic vinyl. I tried, but I also hurt myself a little doing it.
LOL! ai hasta admit, ai wondered if it wud show up!
* strum *
Otay, wii has thyme fur won moar sawng.
* strum *
Yu has bin a grate awedeeunts.
* strum *
Lettuce heer eet fur mai tu berry speshul guests, lolcatburglar adn skwirrlgrrl!
* strum *
Fankies awlso tu AngelPlume fur liting awl ob teh candlols adn… well, taht’s awl hur deed, rly.
* strum *
Fankies ob corse tu teh bebbeh otters fur awl dere grate werk handing owt teh mush kneaded ShamWows.
* strum *
Otay. Nao, tu teh chune ob Alolnis Morrisette’s “King ob Pain” heer am “Yur Phlonquais”.
* strum *
Goodnite ebberywon. Yu is teh win.
Dere’s a littlol blak spawt awn mai fun todai
Eet’s the sayme owld fing as yesserdai…
Dere’s a lolcatburglar in a full on strop
Ai has mai cleening rag, bukkit adn a mop
Ai has scrubbed heer afore, cleened cat hares owt teh drayn
Warshed yur owld laydee unners wibowt a masheen
Oh yesh, ai’m alwais hoeping taht yu’ll edn mai payn
Is mai desteenee tu be yur poor phlonquais???
“Yur liek a fossil, Piggeh! Yur no yoose at awl!”
taht is SO unfare!
“Ai ask fur shampers, yu brang me Applol Joos taht’s warm!”
taht is SO unfare!
“Whut’s this??? Yu has bleeched awl ob mai clothes agen!”
taht is SO unfare!
“Adn nao Mick adn Fronk has lokked demselbes in teh den!”
“Yu kin sleeping owtsied!” but but but, eet’s poaring rayn!
“Ai donut caer, Piggeh! Yu shud has yoosed yur brayn!”
“Ai gess ai wheel has tu replayce yu, yu wus juss tu lame!”
“Ai nose, ai wheel get me a shinee robo-phlonquais…”
“A phlonquais ob mai own taht ai kin boss abowt”
“He wheel bii loyal tu me, adn taek teh awl ob teh garbage owt”
“He wheel nebber be sleeping, juss werking fur me insted”
“Adn teh bestest part, ai won’t eben has tu feed him a crust ob bred!”
Mai clothes arr awl torn, mai feets so derty dey is black
Umm…plz, LCB… kin ai has mai jawb bakk?
Dere’s a littlol black spawt awn mai fun todai
Eet’s the sayme owld fing as yesserdai…
Ai has stuud heer so lawng owt in teh poaring rayn
Wib taht robo-impostur taeking awl mai fame!
Ai gess ai’m owt heer hoeping taht yu’ll end mai payn…
‘Cos eet’s mai destinee tu bii yur phlonquais…
Yur Phlonquais!
Ai wheel alwais bii Yur Phlonquais!
Ai wheel alwais bii Yur Phlonquais!
*Wyld an enthuziaztik clapping fur teh Ode to Frenship*
Oh Piggeh!! MUST yoo go??
But if yoo must – tehn com bak sune, pleez!
*cries*
*blows nose on robo-phlonquais*
Robo-phlonquais: Malfunkshun! Malfunkshun! BBZZZZZZTTTTT!!1! *KABLOOEY*
Oh, and I postified Tessm’s birfday song TWICE but is in teh moderations. I dunno why. Must’ve used a word on teh secret “instant moderation” list. *pouts*
Nothing bad, honest! Just that u is a REDACTED person whut likes to REDACTED and has a REDACTED sense of REDACTED. Oh, and that u is good wif using ur REDACTED.
oh! well fankyoo for noticeing how well I use my redacted, anywayz.
it offten goez unappresheeated excpet by teh connoi… kannoli… peeps whut noes stuff.
wait, wut??
Ai think tehy shud SHOW uz this liszt so we noez which ar teh “werdz tath may nawt be spokein!” Dont they noe we speek LOLspeek heer?
Pffft. Ai setted up awl teh candlols tuu, ykno, befor lytin dems.
nebbur mynd.
Adn awl teh boxez dat wus stoard in heer, ai, um…
*luuks arown at teh peeps sittin adn standin awn teh boxez*
{{{{{{{AngelPlume}}}}}}}
Doo nawt phiel teh sad an unappreshee ated!!!!
We noe hao much werks yoo do – an did!
He’z prollee just phieling a littlol krankee cuz hee cant bee heer so much rite nao.
{{{J-pak}}} fankeez.
*bloaz owt teh candlols befoar teh hoal playse burnz daon*
*clappity clappity* for awl teh songs and awl teh cheezpeeps!
ai haz had to verree much limitify mai ICHC playing time dese days (cuz we buy noo houwse
and ai hasta pack and move 
and get old houwse reddy to sell). butt (!) ai misses u guise!
yeah for the new house (and pleh to movifiying! we did it last noremmber and it was uber-pleh)
{{tessm}}
oh yesh! is SEW MUCH WERKS!! {{{gammacat}}}
butt (!) shud be werfs it inna end. noo houwse has nyse view of Mt. Hood… well, sometimes. when it’s nawt rayning.
An WEEE miss yoo too!!!
{{{{{{tessm}}}}}}
Ai havnt mooved in 10 yeerz – but wehn ai did, ai dint eben hav taim fur a “farewell” partee!! An hardlee gotted ene sleep fur too MUNTHS!!!
O noes!
*chanjis plans to moov howse*
Woz finking ov moobin soufward to teh sun adn the warmniss, butt maybe sum uvver tiem
(testing)
imagination
Nope, that wasn’t it.
*SOB* it’s prolly becuz teh WP duzzint rekognize me anymoar cuz ai haz been gone too long!
*redacted*
*runs in a litlol layte adn jumps on an emtee boks*
sawree to being delaytified furr teh konsurt, butt ai haz been litzening to teh songs adn sheding teers ov emulshun wiv teh rest of yu!
Fankees furr a byootimus adn moobing konsurt.
{{{{{{cheezpeepz ebberware}}}}}}}}}
Fankees furr teh lubblee consert, GP, LCB, Skwirrlgrrl an Angelplume. It waz funfunfun! Ai muss goe tu bed nao tho – almos 3am. Mai dedicayshun – let me show u it!
Nite nite OM, swete dreems ov cheezkonsurts!
YaY! Clappity-clappity! Besstesst konsurt EBBER!!
*jumpifyes tu feetz, waveng armz wyldlee*
*reel eyzez standeng awn innertyoob in teer-puddlol iznawt gud eye deer*
*SPLASCH!!*
*tredz waddur, wayveng glostik*
Wenn duz teh Rekoardimifyded Lyve inz Cheezeland cee uv dees drawp? I kan reserb a kawpih inz teh addbantz?
*gibs Italiana a “Lyve in Cheezland” orderfikayshun form*
*mayks shoor teh “mayk chekk payibul tu* info is currint*
Happy Eester holidays everywun.
My hooman depressed bekos he go to wurk toomorrow.
*serves tea ands ympathy*
Wat a wundermus koncert! Ai wish ai kudda bean heer lyve!
*waives glo stik retroaktivlee*
my brother and i just loled soo hard
*wayves zippo liter adn under lites fays wif glo stik*
*reeb ursis fings*
Is teh awsum adn WIN!!11!!
*wislols*~~~fweeeep
*sinjes wii skurs*
YEOOOUUUCCHH
*runsawaiwifakwiksmoking*