witness protekshun kitteh
witness protekshun kitteh noes who let da dogs out
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
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Cheezburger Network Blog
es shadoe of former self
Win nawt sekkun cawmint turbofloof. Conga rats roar yew.
conga rats an mini gerblols awn yur solow nawt sekkund turbo
iz yu gnu cheezpeep?
ai’z gnu, ‘n sink ai haz sum stajfrite!
Juss pixture us all in are’s unnerwares.
[hands turbofloof teh bleach foar teh image ob NC in hiz flannlol skivvies]
Ai apologize in advance.
U iz warin flannlol too?
I gots awn my flannlol pee-jayz!
*swoon*
**innosint luuk**
Wut?
Well doan jes stand der liek uh deer inna hedlites.
Get me tew teh cowch!
**grabz NC by teh arm an halps him to teh swoonin cowch**
**SIGHS hevilee**
Ifn onlee I had dis effeck awn eberywun….
Fanky. Ai gunna taik uh liddlol nap here, K?
Mehbee wen ai waik up, ai’ll bii awn my hoam peecee.
Whut unnerwares?
Ohai DK.
It bee himzhurz nawt sekkund nawt sekkund. U fink wii shuld get aowt teh shampurs adn teh gud noms?
Ohai WWR! Seems liek a gud occazhun to mii!
Ai brings a chonklitt brownee cheezcaek wif Oreeoh crum boddum adn caramel drizzloled onnit.
Wow!! Whu nu such a fing existes? O happee day!
*drool*
Ai can mebbe haz sum uv dat, pritteeplzwifcaramelontop?
*holds owt playte & luuks hopeful*
Aifinkso DK tuuk it tu teh fud fite down teh thred
*runs fru fred on teh way to bed, leeving a BIG chonklitt brownee cheezcaek wif Oreeoh crum boddum adn caramel drizzloled onnit for teh cheezpeepz.
Nite awl!
nite owl? Yoo rang? yesh, dat B mii!
dat’s hoo!
*laffs nerbously*
your fannehs r awl verri fuzzi…
Skewz mii??? I duz not haz a fuzzi fanny!! I’ll haz u noe dat it b smooth adn silkee and .. … um….
nebbermind…
Well give it bak tew hooeber yew gawt it frum.
Yewr getting it awl wrinklold. *snerk*
[runsawayagainlaffinghistairicloly]
*THWUNK* *Sownd ob DK fawling off chare laffing*
I mostly haz a fuzzi concept mostly.
Snerk!!! You sed concept.
*chaiziz after NC66*
*Flying leep off deh bak uv deh sofa*
*Takklolz NC and tikklolz him wifin an inch uv himz life*
Take dat! u silly bean!!!
EEP!
*bwaahahahahaha*
*heeheeheehee* quitit
*mwahahahaha*
*chortle* stawp imma gunna pimp
*hohohohohoho*
*harharharharhar*
*giggle…snicker…whew*
[wipes tear frum eye]
I’ve lurned my lessin.
Gotta goe nao. C-ya laydur cheezpeeps.
Ohai turbofloof! Lubs ur nayme! **extends culurful wing ov frendship*** Otay, nao dat ober…HAY! Mai faneey nawt fuzzi! Iz fevvery! Hmph!
**fanz fevvery but**
*gratefully accepts PH frendship wing, extends own floofi frendship paw*
Berri culurful fanneh fevvers!
**preenz** Wel fankyoo turbofloof! Gud tayste, yu haz it. Welcome to dis happee plais! Iz yu a gurl turbofloof oar a boi turbofloof? Nawt dat it maddurs. Iz dat yur byooteemus goggie awn yur abatar? Ai hazza nozee! **dukkytaypes beek shut**
iza gurl turbofloof. Fanks fer da complimints on mah abatar. Es mah goggie. Ai haz a goggie an a kitteh!
*untaypes beek* (ai hazza nozee tew, an nuffing to hyde!)
*applys lipstik to PH’s “lips”*
Ohai, turbofloof! Welkum to Cheezland! Dis beez a bery frendlee place.
*extends floofee paw uv frendship*
*pours turbofloof a choklit martoonie*
Fanks, Night! *Eggseps floofy paw uf frendship & returns own floofi paw*
I’z youshally a lurker n haz an impressed wif awl yor frendleeness! Iz a berri nise plase to bisit!
Yu hazza cyoot puppeh!
Fanks, Keshet! His naem es Foley, butt heez a seenyor siticen, sew, wii cawl him: “Mr. Foley”. Himz a pretti purrfek goggeh – sweet, mello, luvving. I lubs himz sew! Ewe haz a goggeh or a kitteh?
Oh Hai, Turbofloof! I wantz tu warning u ….. mebbee iz tu late…. now dat u haz gone frum lurker tu comminter ur life will neber be deh same….. soon u will start finking in LOLspeek ….. adn ty ping in LOL speek …. adn eben tawking in LOLspeek….. But dat not b deh wurst uv it… u will haz tu chekking deh lolz furst thing in deh moarning adn last fing at nite…. And u will b going bak tu yesterdayz lolz tu see if sumwun sed sumfing tu u dat u b wanting tu anser….
Ai has tu senyur sitizen goggehs (bof 15 y/o). Itz bin a fu yeerz sinz ai had a kitteh. Ai du myss mai kittehs.
*Le sigh*
Tew layte, Cween. Iz haz deh addikshun awlreddy…
yewll bee fien………deed yu sea da cween’s halpful messuge tu newbeez an phew lols bak ?
Halp? sumbuddy haz an linkee pleez?
cween’s Cheez Town Cryer, h t t p ://cheeztowncryer.wordpress.com/
*whack*
Cheez Town Cryer
Hay!!! kwit wakkin deh Cryer!!
[(very gently) whacks cween]
['fetti flies eberywhere]
Ooooo purrrrrteeee!
[suddenly remembers dat her highness hazza wand]
[dat iz mush bigger wand dan my linkee rod]
[runsawaywifuhkwikness]
Oar cwakkin teh wire, eben!
woae! Berri halpfell webzite! Aiz gunna spend sum timez on it, sense et looks liek ai cud get lostifyed folloeing awl da lynx!
*backs away graciously to further inspect cheeztowncryer, trips, (since not too graceful in reverse,) and continues to back away while curtseying*
Is ackshully just cheeztowncryer.com. Easier and peasier to rember not to forget.
Ohai LCB, der iz sum shwimps daown belo
O hai! kthxnom
Cheasier and sleasier…
Iz troo then. The shadoe DUZ noe.
W00t!! w000t!! a noobee wif a nawt-sekkund!!! Dat b awsum!!!
*bangz on rat howse*
Putting on ur bestest owtfitz ratz!!!
*deh ratz kum owt wairing deh tuxspeedoz
*and congaing like kway zee!!
Dans liddlol ratz dans!!!!
Kong-ga! kong-ga! KONG--GA!!
up JCH4K Boo lee Vard
Kong-ga! kong-ga! KONG--GA!!
Past deh Rowndeebowt wif deh JCH5Kfowntin
Kong-ga! kong-ga! KONG--GA!!
Down JCH4K Street
Kong-ga! kong-ga! KONG--GA!!
In frunt uf deh D’Beaker Labz
Kong-ga! kong-ga! KONG--GA!!
Under deh monorail
Kong-ga! kong-ga! KONG--GA!!
Awl deh way tu deh Tybooteek
Welkum tu cheezland, turbofloof!!
*handz TF a chokklit martoonee
*klinkee glassez
Cheez!!!
* brings aowt teh big trai uf gushifuds *
Wii haz teh prime rib sammiches, Teh shwimp kabawbs, teh strombloli, sordid cheezs, piklol trais, Chawklitt maus fur dessurtz.
Wif Kawfee, hawt chawklit, martoonies adn teh shampurs.
Iz enuf foar awl teh cheezpeeps…Halps urselfs.
woot woot!!! dem lil ratz kin shure dans!
tiem fur meh tu goe hoam………
sea yu awl tumorroe!
Deh ratz wearin’ da speedoez?! Dis mus bii berri speshul uccashun!
*blushing at the wee speedoez in danz formashun”
*klinkees glassez wif Cweenmj n sips martoonee* mmmmm…. chok-a-lit!
Fankees!
Nao, awn teh udder hand…
loose gogs awr in the witless protekshun program.
Mai goggeh resemblolz taht rimark.
wil tel awl fur toona
Shaidy biznes heer.
[NC turns a blind eye tew this shaidy biznes, holds owt pawlm]
Hooz pawlm is dis adn why izzit sew greasy?
Woof. Woof woof woof?
hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!?!
W.P. Kitteh mite evun noe wear dey went.
Missterree Kitteh
libz in t3h shaddoz 2 fyndz
awll ubz lyfe’z ansurrz
Summtymez Kitteh cumz
owtz and chekkz awn Wurlld ebentz. Wutz
can blaym awn Doggeh?
Missterree Kitteh
canz haz ‘Phunn!’ re~arraynjeeng
hurz Prittee Wun’z shooz
Jack.
Butt
catgoggie gots hims tung.Butt, butt, butt, AI HAYTE PEES!
Pees haz dems uses.
* grabs teh fork frum teh rode, puts teh pea awn teh end. aymes @ teh DK *
THWAKK
See U can haz fun wif peas.
Wow! Ai finkedso onlee dat wurked wif smashed taturs! **putz a pea on hur fork an aymes at teh DK**
TWAKK
Hay, dis IZ fun!
*duks* Oh, wies guis, eh?
*grabs chonklitt brownee cheezcaek wif Oreeoh crum boddum adn caramel drizzloled onnit frum upfred, strats to lob it at WWR adn PH, reconsiders. Reeches into pokkit adn pulls owt cocomonut creem pi, lobs tath insted*
*Yoinks Oreeoh crum boddum adn caramed drizzloled cheescake*
*runsawaywiffasneekeeness*
*Putz peez on fork and flingifyingez dem.
*chantz:
Go peez go!! Go, peez, go!!
*Deh peez sail further adn faster!!
see, fingz iz bedder weh u gib peez a chantz!!!
“dat’s awl eyem say’N”
Ebreboddy’s talkin bowt peas ism, tater ism, cheezcake ism…
*lukz up*
Cheezcake??
Yass, DK maed teh lubbley oreo crumblol bottum chawklitt brownee cheezcaek wif teh caramlol drizzlol. Wuz fur to sillybrate teh nawt sekkund nawt sekkund uf turbofloof.
It wez delicus.
mmnndd iz brrrrry tstef… *swallow* got milk??
Nawt haz milk sorree
will hawt chawklit oar shampurs wurk?
ummm…. i dunno, duz dey haz W-2z???
*brings out a pitcher ob cold milk* Milk an choklit an natural affffinitiee.
if hims 4.5 kittehz, whut DK fur?
Hur nikk naem iz diamund kitteh. Luk in teh town crier foar teh lejund uf hur naem.
Iz in teh Cryer?
*skampers orf to see*
not gonna say who.
not gonna say when.
yet.
Ai hatez tu sai gudbai, butt (!) ai haz tu go nao. Gudnite cheezpeeps!
bye now!
(and hai 2 ebberywon else her…NE niteowls? hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo?)
goodnite to you too
G’nite, PH!!
I finded owt dat teh nastee wevvers wii has did NAWT follow me hoam. It camed frum teh Norf-West, prolly frum WRr.
**luuks at WRr wif a suspishus**
Nawt luk at meh!! Wii still haz the pleh wevvers. If ai wuz gunna sendit awai ai wuld has sended it awl.
I awlwayz blame Verrry Kooooollllllddddd Kananannada.
I finso dey b plotting aginst us… ….
oh, hai, kween! how’s teh wevver tehre? Yoo too still up in teh nw korner ob teh “Land ob Enchantmint”?
Oh Hai, kitkay!! Yup, wii still beeing inchanted…. Deh wevverz am berry gud heer… how iz fingz in OK?
U haz ben on seberal timez latelee, u must b feline bedder deze dayz. At leest I hopez so.
O, fangs 4 yore concern; I just gotted chewed out in an emayo by my mom’s frenns hoo kame hear from Nebrasky to visit hurr Bcuz she finks I am naught tayking gud enugh care ob her! I has an angry! Man, I dew ebberyfing, an dont git no credit, as usual!
{{{{kitkay}}}} Ai nose dat feline. If U needz tu crai awn a showldur U can uze mine. It been wet befor.
O, dat’s sew nyse ob yoo, WWr! Ai rlly ‘preeciates it!
*crais on WWr’s showlder* (virtually)
I shuld be payshent wiff her, cuz she dozent unnderstand, an fang yee 4 teh undderstanding! {{{{{{Wwwr}}}}}}}}
{{{{{Kitkay}}}}}}} Peepz hoo izn’t dere ebbree day haz no rite tu say if u b dueing fingz rite oar rong. Put deh emayo in deh trash bin and reeding moar LOLz.
fangs sew mush, cmj!s yoo is rite, and ai always B tayking fings too seriously (purrsonally), and it’s hard for mii. I wint away 4 a few minutes 2 finish an emayo to hurr trying to ’splayne whut’s whut, butt (!) ai shulded have frowed teh emayo away, lyke yoo sed!
{{{{{{cween}}}}}}
Iz okai tu rite dat emayo. Ai haz wroted letturs liek dat offun…but Ai nawt send dem until ai haz had teh chans tu reed dem inna lite uf a noo morning.
It halps tu rite it awl down, ai moastlee endud up burning teh lettur inna moarning.
Mebee mom’s frenn shud halp more.
RAYNEE! such a soggy fawl wii bees habbing! R yoo werking atta campground there or whut?
No, no moar werkz fur us. Wii b just meandering rownd.
ai hoaps yoo hass alots ob phun! ai lyke NM (ai cawl it “teh Land ob Manyana”. Lungdoc libbs dare, too, but N a differnet part.
NE way, ai gots 2 go now…my froat is sore, an ai fink ai’ll go C dr.Tinycat and prolly I kneed to git teh aunty-bioticks. Ai gots 2 B well, 4 ai hass a serge-ery on my jaw necks weekweekweek.
Fangs 4 listening! *taykes sum cheez(cake) 2 go wifff my whine*
Nitey, nite, frens!
‘Nite, Kitkay! Get well wifakwikness! Adn non illegitimi carborundum!
Nitee nite, kitkay!
wear be dat bukkit 2????
shurly it’s witness PURR-TECTION kitteh
OT for West River rat.
Just wanted to let you know that you’re safe. In Oregon & Washington we’ve had a bad guy robbing banks, credit unions, & check cashing stores since early summer. He’s gone across the Columbia River back and forth robbing places as far north as Tacoma and as far south as Eugene (I think). The police in both states gave him the name of “River Rat” and he was arrested earlier this week in Tacoma. So you’re safe – nobody’s looking for our good guy WRr in a whole different part of the country.
*snerk*
Don’t you just love cats! My cat had diabetes so I made a website located at catkinsdiet.net to help those cats in need. I love this site.
jist me an mai sha-dooooo’h……….
cood dis be peeping tomkitteh?
ana congarats and welcomes tu turb-oh-floof! heer…(clinkx) hasa martoonie. Its awn me. (cuz ai am a sloppee tarbender)
:snerk: Hallo Turtlol!! u sownd like u haz ben samploling ur warez!
*hands bar mawp 2 turlol*
Hee Hee! Ai has teh memoree flash-backing tu Jackie Gleason doing teh “Joe teh Bartender” sketches awn TV, when TV was little adn fuzzy adn blak-an-white (liek a jellicle kitteh?)–adn pouring teh beer in teh glass, adn stikking his finger innit to stop teh foam from doing whatever it was doing— Alas, showing mai aigez, aifinkso…
ahchoo….. … … .. .. .
OMG IM BORED… AS USUAL