dis is u wen u drink beer
dis iz mah hoomin wen he drinks.
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ish nawt!
ai doan haz an tale STN!
Tell u wut kitteh. U nawt sho peepz haow ai luuk drinking beer. Ai nawt sho dem haow u luuk awn the nipz. kaithnx?
Fourth! and dis is jus tuu tru. many lols smile upon u!
Conga Ratz fur leeding teh brayde.
Wii just haz tu ratz awn dutee naow. dem will dans dans dans teh tango fur U.
Whut drinks adn noms fur sillibrashuns?
sumfin nawn alki hollik mehbe?
hawt choklit aifinks………yesh, hawt choklit wil bee grate
noms? peenuts an prezzels?……….noe two saltee……
prehaps an juizy t-boan stake an sum floofy mushed patooties?
Yum! Dat sownz nommylishus.
**starts droolin**
gadda goe guise……….
hazza nise nite
‘Nite willy boy!
I can has ur staek an taters, plz?
Yesh U can. But nawt mushed patooties…iz bebeh patooties wif peez inna dill kreem saws aifinkso.
Teh t-boan iz frum teh grill wif teh mez-keet woodz coalz.
U rooinin pataters wif peez??!! Yick.
I nawt lyk peez.
Ai hopez dat tango be betterer dan whut wuz onna “Dansin wif da Starz” last nite.
EEEWWW
Oyesh, Ai’m sure WRR’s tango iz much betterer tahn on teh TVs.
Background musics for tango coming up–
♫♫ …You caught my nose
In your left castanet, love,
I can feel the pain yet, love,
Evry time I hear drums.
And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, love,
With the thorns underneath, love,
Sticking into your gums… ♫♫
Tom Lehrer FTW!!! @@@@@
If yu like Prof. Lehrer’s stuffs, there’s a performance you may not have heard ’cause it’s not on his albums–
w w w.youtube.com/watch?v=r58HrT0rRHI
–which is from British TV, with Lehrer singing his version of a Noel Coward song, “That is the End of the News”–pretti funneh!
Fank yoo. Dat is berry phunneh indeed, an ai had not seeing it befoar!
.
Wee be big Lehrer fanz at ower howse.
.
♫♫ “We will all go together when we go…” ♫♫
Ai lubs teh Lehrer-ness
♫♫ All subfused with an incandescent glow… no-one will have the endurance to collect on his insurance, Lloyds of London will be loaded when they go…. ♫♫
*wanders off to listen to it again*
But ur nawt az pretteh az ai iz.
lukkat dat FLOOF!
magnifikat!
Is other kitteh hiding in shame?
There there, other kitteh – you kyoot, too!
De other kitteh iz halpin himz stand up.
pur carpet! Hope yu hold her booze dis thyme!
hummm. SUpposed to be YER beer. Can hold herz iffn she sayz so, I guess!
Ai no hab drinkiing prawblem.
Ai drink, ai git drunk, ai fawl down.
No prawblem.
[wobble wobble wobble]
*thud*
yu seam tu bee duein et rite…..eggsellent jawb …….carri awn
East-purr Island kitteh
heh … dis is u when u is stone’d statue
Maybe Kitteh has too much of the ‘nip!
If ai culd tuch mai noze wif mai tung liek dat kitteh,
ai doan fink teh gurlz wuld notiss mai stagger.
[licks eyebrows]
I’m goin hoam wif him!
Fite ya for em’!
Ya see boyz. Dat’s hao yew dew dat.
Nao…hooz eyebrows awr deez?
**grabs Frosty an starts drinkin it**
Wai U drinkin teh snoe manz?
Nawt teh sno-man, sillee!
Teh choklit fing frum Wendy’s.
I drink it wif a straw.
Egg-zer-sizing teh suckee muscles, huh?
Ai will be in teh NB if ennywun needs meh.
No commint.
Hay! U gots Chikkin Man!
Me, I gots nobodee.
Umm…..Oh, yeah. I cutted my veri own finger awn da sharpened knife lastnite.
An hii duzn’t……………un nebber mynd. *heads toward da NB*
*Ears perk up* Sokai, 3KM, plz continue…
Duz U need teh band ade? Ai can send U teh Rollin Stonez.
I nawt need Mick around fankyuberimuch.
Myne howse nawt big enuff tu fit hyme lips in.
U purrfurr Rod Stewart
♪ ♫
Wake up Maggie AI fink AI gotz sumfing tu sai tu yu
Iz laet September an AI reallee shud bee bak at skool
Ai nose Ai keep u amuzed but(snerk) AI feel AI’m being uzed
Oh maggie Ai kuldnt haz tried ennee moer
U lured meh awai frum hoem just to save u frum being aloen
u stoled mai hart an datz whut reellee hurtz…
♪ ♫
Agh! Nasti earwurm. Ai merember teh summer wehn taht silleh song was playin’ on teh top-40 radio abowt every ten minnits (wif songs frum Carole King’s “Tapestry” album inbetweens)– got mii good adn tired of Rod Stewart, yesh yesh, muchly. –rownabout 1971 afinkso?
It oanly gawt werser, abaot 1978 oar sew, hi camed aot wif “Da Ya Fink I’z Saxy?” Ummm, akshully, no, nawt sew mush, adn ai hates disco, tu!
ai had a cowerker hoo had a myootchal crush on a fello imployee, an we alwais yuoosed to sai
“cat fite in teh parking lawt at 11:15″
Central Kentucky earth girlz is easy
FANKYOO Fuzz!
I think….
I’z from teh red earth of teh Applelatchin’ hillz my own self, so yes’m
(teh referenz, tho, is from teh Earth Girls Are Easy movie, where dey has a girl who GMTA wif you about teh speshull linguistic abilitiez)
Umm, Inawt know iffin tu fankyu or bii offended.
Wii iz “Grits” –> Gurlz Raized In Teh Souf
Ai’s a rambler ana gambler ana long way frum home
an if you done lyke you cen leeves me alone
Ai noms wen Ai’s hongree Ai drinks wen Ai’s dry
If da moonshine done kill me, Ai libs till Ai die
Luvly singings, PJP!
♫ Ai’v been a muunshiner foar mani ah yeer;
Ai’v spent all my munnies awn wiskee adn beer…♫
–”Traditional” song aifinkso, but for mii, Tommy Makem’s was teh bestest!
I juss new it frum an ole Irish pub I usta hang out at.
Irish in Ireland? Oar Irish-style somewhere elts?
Naw, Irish inda midwest. (USA) *snerks* I wish!
*Shares wish* Ai’d like to see Ireland someday–but it’s prolly changed a bit since my Irish grampa came over to USA, aifink. All the Troubles adn stuff. Better lately, we hope so?
Botha my gramps be de Irish, butt! second an terd generashuns. We sure do hopes fings be better there!
Heh, kitteh. I nawt drink beer!
**stiks owt tong**
Wii awl noze whut happuns when U drink teh tokillya. Dem eben writed teh sawng abowt id.
we hadz a GMTA
Witch wun?
Well Iz hates to informs U
dat tukkeela does deh same fing
**pulls rhsb’s tale and runs awai**
2_k!!!!!!!!
Get bak heer! I has missded yoo!
**runs towards red and gibs her a big hug**
{{{rhsb}}} I has missed Uz an cheez peeps
I has a big busee. I ar taking free classes and is also doing some
research
Free classes? I need sum of dem! I nawt has alot of munnies to pay foar skool.
well you can has mine!
I finkso teh commyoot wud be a bit lengthee…
Y’all nawt kno dat foar shur, cuz nunna ya has seen me even slitelee tipsee…
Nope, nawt seen, howebber, da fone iz an otter story!
Pffft… dat wuz nawt alkyhawl.
Dat wuz medikayshunz.
we nawt gnoz but weez can imagine
imaginashunz we has it
A berry aktib imaginayshun, I finkso!
**tries to finkso who wuz teh last purrson to see hur inebryatid**
is active and sordid
Dat be why I lubs u guies so mutch!
Guies, Dini is doin sum weerd stuff to my noo jakkit……
I finkso hurs in lubs wif it.
Hur rubrubrub awn it wif hur paws, den curloled up awn it.
Oh, an it’s mostlee blak……now wif whyte furz.
herz will lub it an snorgle it an cawl it Jorj
jorj teh jakkit?
ai likes it!
Hur wantz wun jus liek it?
Butt, hur has beyootimus natcheral coat.
Nawt tu ware!! Sillee gurl, iz tu nap awn!
Oh.
It hazza warm an soft an smellz lyke new mommie?
Nope, iz bran noo an nylon.
An nao it hazza warm an soft an smellz lyke Dini.
Yah, az I pikpikpik teh kitteh hares awf.
duck tape. Roll it up and roll it across da coat.
Givz u sumfin to do atwerk if ur bored.
Stay bak kitteh!
Dat’s teh drink dat maeks daddy yell.
Jes tu let ebberyone know, I hassa pikchur uf mai nef-yoo Jack up awn mai profile, so taek a luk!!!
Conga-ratz, Jeremy!
How u feline? How’s Jewel?
Jewel is gud….she spent moar tiem in her kitteh bed todai.
Me, howebbar, is nawt so gud….ai has moar medikashun foar my cough, but after dis es obar, ebberyfing shuld be awl beddur.
Ai has nawt been sleepin’ well….can sumwun halp meh?
Nawt sleepin becaws of head stuffy adn coughing? Oar nawt sleepin becaws deconjestink medikashun maiks yu jitterih?
Some of teh Cheezpeeps hav recentlee sugjestid teh melatonin to help wif sleeps. Ai can’t vouch for it maislef, but it should be relatively harmless to try, adn prolly wouldn’t give you a dry mouth like most of the over-teh-counter sleep aids with diphenhydramine adn related antihistamines. Your mileage may vary. Close cover before striking.
ai vowchis fur teh melatonin! it werks gud fur me
Yay for Uncle Jeremy adn new nef-yoo Jack! Handsome kidlet! Mama adn bebbeh all healthy, yesh?
Yesh, mama and bebe are both doin’ well. Ai will get tu see Mr. Jack foar teh furst tiem awn day-after-Caturday dis week.
Sweet, sweet baby!! He is beautiful. Inawtfinkso wii haz meeted. *Extends floofy paw uf friendship*
Ai doan’t know if we haz meeted either….*aksepts floofy paw uf friendship*
Frenz, ifn ur stayt partissypatez in Powerball, teh jakkpot iz $170 millyun munnies. Teh drawin is tomorrow nite, so u still has tiem to buy a tikkit.
Also, ifn u win, plz to remember teh redhed in KY.
Both Red heads in KY! kthnzpleez!
**starts wigglolin arown**
AArrrggghhhh…my bak haz teh itcheez.
Ennybodee wanna skritch my bak foar me?
Dew wat I dew. Git a butterknife frum da drawer and it will reach just bout enniware yu need a scratch. Iffin it’s bad us da serrated side.
U need to stay away frum knives, miss thang!
I yooshulee yoose teh harebrush.
Nite friends!! I haztu go tu bed!! Thnx fur da fun!!
‘Nite, 3km.
Hoap u feline beddur an get ovur ur pleh.
Gud nite, Cheezpeeps — ai iz gonna get a burfday prezzie fur wun uv mah bestest frends … an ai hasta be hoam fur So You Think You Can Dance.
Prioriteez — ai haz dem.
Kitteh wuz spieeng awn mi tihs weekweekweekend!
well, sinse no wun else haz sed it:
wun tekillya
two tekillya
three tekillya
flor
♫ I say, One shot – Hey! Mas Tequila
Two shots – Hey! Hey! que veneno
Three shots – Hey! Arriba! Hey! Hey! Hey! Mas Tequila! ♫
{{{lm}}}
Besides teh flor, hao ar fings wif yu?
ohai jeremy, sorry not gotted bakk to you erlier, been doing ovver stuffs. fings are okay, no wun iz sikk at owr howse, just still wayting for owr juvenile delinkwent kitteh hoo runned away to come home. concatulayshuns on yor splortayshus noo nefyoo an yor byootymus kitteh jewel!
*splort alert* Jewel is playin wif meh….Ai doan’t kno effen ai can taek dis! *tightens CHRG extry tite*
Wat’s she doin? Wait! *tightens CHRG* Ok; wat’s she doin?
Kitteh givs konvincin proofs taht weeblols wobblol butt (!) tehy donut fall daown.
Heeza bowt to fall bakwerdz. De gray kitteh is holdin himz up!
*burp*
Dis iz u whn u drink ber and dis iz also u whn ewe don’t drnk ber!
ai grows anudder kitteh hedd owtta mai bellee an anudder kitteh tail owtta middel ob mai bakk? no wunder ai tips over
lolz