THE ANNOYING DRUNK Everybody knows one
just hoep her frendz dont cum over.
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THE ANNOYING DRUNK
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Yur mai bess frend! Wot’s yur naem agin?
Congrats, Ambercat! Drink?!!!!
Yesplis!
Ai’ll joyn u!
wud u laydees liek a nyce pynt? oar wut?
*stands at teh redee wif sorded glassus an noms*
Pint? Pynt?! *gets owt teh Flaggons adn teh Tankards.*
“It comes in pints?”
Beer duz! An a TTI pint is 20 flooid ownsis – `Merican wun is ownlee 16 ownsis.
Ai aer habbin a glars uv red whine!
Skol! Cheers! Prosit! Za Vas! Kampai! Gesondheid!
*puts sordid crakkurs awn trai.. o wayt, r tehy bisskits inna TTI?? … hazza confuzzlolmint an brayn freeeez*
Crackers aer crackers oar saburee biskitts in TTI 2. We cawl wat u cawl cookeez biskitts – eggsept wen we cawl dem cookeez. Aifink!
*puts owt trai uv sordid crakkurs, biskitts, moar biskitts, cookeez, cheeps an crissps*
*fawls bak wifa hoep-ai-gotted-em-awl*
Dat sowndz prittee compree hensib!
*adds cracknels, half-decent crackers (as opposed to teh sordid variety), swiss choklit rolls, a variety of sponge cakes, tee, moar tee, coffee for hare tics dat downt drink tee, oak casks ob awl 6000 TTI microbrews, adn sum moar tee*
Fool uv a Took!
LOTR ref FTW!
Ding ding ding! Tessm an Duffy eech win a pint ov Mr. Butterburr’s finest! Blessed by Gandalf, yu know?
Him alwais sits bai me awn teh bus…
Ai’m shure Jasper Carrot did dat sketch, but can’t find it.
Ah, yesh, teh nutter on teh bus – “Annybodie seen my camel?”
They always hit on me at bars… and I’m not allowed to hit THEM back WITH bars…
*gibs yu a hooge inbizibul steel bar*
.
Yu cans hit tehm wib dis.
Ai *hic* resemblols dat remark!
hay! ai wuz sayvin taht wuz gonna. ai meen ai wuz gonna **stumble, whoa** say taht
U can leen on mii.
*walks into wall*
hay fwendsh. ai halpsh ew up. give me a paw. no, no, teh othersh wun. no, no, nawt taht wun eiver. *****gets pulled down by kvnsgrrl, gigglols anna grinzez laek an idiot*****
ofanks palinsc! say, duz ur name meen wii haz a buddy in Souf Carolina?
*feelz so smart. grinz bak at palinsc an all teh cheezfrenz*
hai kvnsgrrl! ew are abso-root-ly kerrect! ai iz a Souf Kalacky girl ****well, akshually a middle aged woman**** but Ssshhhh. donut tell anywun!
oopshee. dat wuz apposed to be Souf Kacalacky!
And if u doesn’t know one, than u IS one.
ohai lcb, how is Uz, I just sent U an emeow and not eated it!
*hic* cheers!
O hai! I gotted ur mail and replied and stuff. I am so steeling teh pic of us. Mines is good too, but urs is closer up so u can see our gorgeous faces betterer.
shure, U can has the photo, U luks cute, and mah hare luks lyke Newton
I has not seen the photo U tooked, can Uz send me a linkie?
I lLUVS you, man…I meen it… (hangs on an won’t let you go)
(suggests horibul karaoke toon)
ai sujest ‘Leanz On Me’ oar maibe ‘Standz By Me’
Der muss’ be sumfing by Des O’Conner dat’s wurse.
“ai fawl tew peessiss”
*toons up geetar*
No wait, wait wait. Wait, 1 more thing.
Lissen… lissen… lissen… *thud*
Who r u callin a *thugd*?
wut wut wut ar yu doin up dere? … wait … why ar yu lukkin daown at mii…
iz okiez ai leanz on yu fur jus a *hic* sec….
Just tie a beer to a string……hours of fun….
Whut is it wif u and string?
String is fun
Ebbribodee needs string!
They offer u string but there’s always a string attached.
ht tp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rlOSjpIbFs&feature=related
Yay! Stringy string! Goodies-style FTW!
Grantski is teh won hoo reelee inbented string feoree!
Kittehs luv string!!!
Teh whoal yoonivurse is made of string! Dats fizziks!
Are we….made……….of string as well? O_O
Yes AND in ten dimenshuns!!
My brain just caught fire again O_O
Ohai cheezfrens!!! I haz a MAYGER HAPPIEEE! I jes saw Dr. Tinyteefs an he kleened my teefs an lookied at dem an x-raid dem an an an he gafe me a kleen bill of helfth!!!! Da x-raids no had any jaw cysts at awl! He said is possybl dat I had wun an it jes drayned itself an is nawt a problem nemoar oar meybe i jes earitated a part ub my gums an dats wut made me fink I had a jaw cyst cuz it hert a liddlol an did nawt feel ryte. N-E-ways…..I CAN HAZ DA HEALTHY!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
*happytayle dans dans dans*
Dat’s gud nyooz! Ai gess u aer rileebed!
Yaaayyy fur yu Mitts! Dans dans dans!!!
clappitee, clappitee, clappitee. ai iz sew hoppy fur ew! ****twirl, dans, floofy paws inna air, dans, dans, twirl**** ai haz a beeg happee fur u Mitts
**klappity klappity**
Yaayyy for Mitts! C? Wii tol U to fink positib! Butt (snerk) fangs for sharin teh gud nooze – wii neded it toodai, aifinkso.
yay foar teh GUUUD NOOOOZ!
yay!! mitts not habbing to haz teh pleh sir jury!!
Two wurds: Hoo – Rai!!!
Yaay Mitts! Sir jury in teh mouf is teh pleh. Sew glad yu don’t has to has enny moar!
Dere’z a hostel fur alkyholiks neer ware Ai lib. Dey aer alloud owt an wun uv dem offerd me a pull frum himz can uv beer! Dey iz moastlee harmliss sept wen dey get reelee drunk.
At leest hii wus bein frienlee, pour fing!
Dough teh al key hole ism, nawt reely funnee… 
Nawt bein trollee, jus sayin…
No, is teh not funny. I hadda aunt wif it. But u has to laff sometimes or else u screams.
Tru dat!
Dey aer moastlee sad peepl but Ai has maed frenz wiv wun hoo sez Hi 2 me naow. Ai noe dat it is nawt funnee an cawzis awl sorts uv prollems.
Gud fur yu Anni. Ebery buddy needs a frend, even if its ownlee tu bii noticed. Dere ar too many sad peeps in dis wurld. Yu ar makin somewuns day jus a liddle briter. {{{Anni}}}
Then whut does they does? I’ll bet it’s something like:
Annoy u wif incoherent stories.
Breathe on u wif their stanky breff.
Call u “Marjorie” for no apparent reason.
Distrub ur sleep by singing loudly outside ur bedroom winder.
E…
elebate der dirtee paws inna air
failin to balance
gesterin wildly while slurring
h
Eet ur favrite fuds and then
Frow them up!
Get in ur hot tub wif no clothes on
H….
Onlee if dun symill, simyeltayn, um, at the same time eggsactlee.
ewwwwwww … ewwwwwwww!!!
Hurl all over your new shoes
Ingest a lot more alcohol
Jump around like a lunatic
K…
Herls on yur shooes! (ewww)
Irritaets ebbry buddy
Jokes. Bad jokes.
Kisses wif a sloppyness
L….
sloppy kisses…
EW EW EW
Loses consciousness while driving u home.
Mistakes ur pricless Mung vahse for a potty.
Never remembers to zip up their trousers.
O…
Owtstays teheir wekcom
Plays yr pianna badlee
Qwits tawkin onlee to hav anuthur drink
R…
reeely annoys you wif dumb chatter
starts to make u wish u had a big dum
to sic on him to get him outta der
v
Opens teh cat fud but forgets to giev it to u
Plays teh stereo too loud, and worse, plays stuff liek George Jonez
Quits lissening except when u says something u don’t want him to hear
R….
Rips felt on tabl win playnpool
Sloshes drink on yer cloths and wants to lick it orf
Tryies to get behind the wheel.
U…
undresses in publik
vows nawt tew dwink again
wobbles as he walks
X…
Xpounds embarrasin stories
Yells to stranjurs across teh rume
Zzzzzzs wehn it’s time to go hoam.
Eets ur potayto cheeps
Folows u home aksing fur annuder drink
Gibs u himz fone numba jus in kase
Hayles u a taxi eben iffn u nawt want won
I….
Initiates conga line in teh 7-Elebenty.
Jostles ur arm when u is trying to drink ur drink.
Keeps singing teh national anthem but passes out in teh middlol.
L…
loozez himz lunch
makes thoze noyzes wif himz armpit over by teh beer cooler
needs a ride home but kant remembering wher taht iz
o…
Jist let me tell yu dis sekkrit (hic). **leens in close** SEE DAT GUY OBUR DERE?
huh? yu meensh teh GUY OBER DERE?!
Noes! Teh guy OBER DERE! shhhh heel heer yu!
NO, DAT WUN!!! **spills drinkee wyle trying to point** Oops. **closes wun eye** **points again** DAT WUN!
OW!
u poked me in mah I!!
No, that was MY eye! U is teh so drunk u is not feeling no pain but u is feeling teh pain of others.
*gets dizzy from writing that sentence*
Osawree skwirrl. Hay, pleez tu luk downfred, dere iz mebbeh sumfing dat needz orgamnyzing?
DAT gii?
Wot yu poyntin at me fur? Did yu spill mai pynt?!
Wut wuz we tawkin abowt agin?
Show me teh wai tew go home
Iz tired an sai wanna goe tew bed
AI had widdle dwink ’bout n’hour ago
an itz gone right tew mai hed…
Ooooo dizzy !
Bed spinz**holdz on fer deer life**
Oooh! Dat is teh weeerd feelin, isn eet?
best tew sleepz onna floor in dosw circumstanz, yew caint fall off the floor
Just put wun fut onna floor. Teh floor is dat way.
a widdle drink?
lookn at all teh drunk kitteh photoz I notice basement cat alwayz end up az designated driver.
Hmmm. Butt (!) wear is hii drivin yu to?!?!
iz drivin yu krazy?
Snot dat far of a trip.
Choklit kat is finkin, “…designated drivur nuthin – I designate taht he gets droppd off at teh Pownd tonite. Hmmph.”
Ohhh, Choklit is a sneaky one!
“…so then I sez, nemmind teh goggie, i sez, letz jus take teh leesh home an preten hes an invisi-bull terrier!! Get it? invisiBULL terrier? getit? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
duffy, you is daffy
I fank yew.
*bows deeply, falling over an gigglin helplissly*
wun tekeelya
tew tekeelya
fwee tekeelya
floar!
floar o da hozpitol maibeez
LOL! ai needed a laff!
ohai, heer iz teh burfday fairy, wif a sad today finking ob matt, but iz my job to cellybrate life so we will do taht wif a happy and graetful in owr harts for teh wundermuss gift taht lief iz. so i will say HAPPEE BURFDAY to WiljamiDzay, Booklion, an willyboy!! ifinkso willlyboy iz on vakayshun but wen her gets bakk (her iz akshully teh momma ob willyboy teh kitteh) maek shur to say happee burfday to her! i haz bringed tasty fudjy burfday caeks, lushuss red velvit caeks, iskreem, sparkly party punch, poynty shiny party hats wif pompoms on top, an goodie bags filled wif bownsy balls taht liet up wen tehy bownse, itty bitty “baysmint cat vs. ceeling cat vs. teh trollz” comik buks, kandee, an fuzzy kitteh stikkers wif googly eyes. an babloloons to float away to matt in teh meddow:
@ ß ♥ ¤ ξ β ♥ φ Ω @ ß ♥ ¤ ξ β ♥ φ Ω @ ß ♥ ¤ ξ β ♥ φ Ω @ ß ♥ ¤ ξ β ♥ φ Ω
@ ß ♥ ¤ ξ β ♥ φ Ω @ ß ♥ ¤ ξ β ♥ φ Ω @ ß ♥ ¤ ξ β ♥ φ Ω @ ß ♥ ¤ ξ β ♥ φ Ω
an ob course, a big swish ob teh burfday wand to make all your burfday wishes come troo!
———-***¤¤¤¤жжжж٭٭*******¤¤¤¤жжжж٭٭*******¤¤¤¤жжжж٭٭****
Happy burfdai WiljamiDzay, Booklion, an willyboy! Ai haz nawt seed Booklion in a lawt ov wiles! **searches sky furr hur wingdid fren**
**attaches fuzzy kitteh stikkers wif googly eyes tu the babloloon furr Matt, and write on teh babloloon wif a markur “Wadsh ovur yur Mama Matt! Enjoy hebben!”**
**waytes wile eberywun gits dere babloloon.
**taps talons** STILL WAITING DOWN HEER!
O! O! O! Wundur if we cud hab a sara-moaney fur dis babloloon ledding go ov? **goes tu luk fur direktur skwirrl**
OH NOES
**hangs hed, fevverz droop, wun teer fawlz as I luuk at skwirrl wif beeg sad eyez**
oh NOES!
doan be sad burdie… we has had enuf of that, ifinkso? Iz sorry I has to leave rite now too!! But tomorrows, I was finking maybe we cud try to make a happy list of what Matt will gets to do in teh meadow? Liek halping teh watchman, and petting kittehs and catchin moonbeams and stuffs.
{{{{{PH}}}}}
Gud ideer! **letz ballon float away**
{{{{{PH}}}}}
{{{{{{KK}}}}}}}}}} Dis izza hard fing, aifinkso.
{{{{{PH and KK}}}}}
Ai haz bin craink orl teh dae (ai iz at twerk). Ai haz sendid a balloon up nd it sae “rest now Matt.”
Nd yes aifinkso skwirrlgrrl’s idear be full on win nd ossim.
sry, I has had a bizzy atwerks today, and missed ur messaged my burdie frend!
OMCC and it’s booklion’s birfday TOO?
HAPPY BIRFDAY BOOKLION, whereever you is! Ware is you anyway?? Well if u is bizzy, we can has a caek and a party whenever you has time! And mabbeh some secret spy stuffs.
is it herz birfdai? I shud has send herz emeow, fanks fur reminding
meh
O, an fankz burfdai fairy!
*Taiks baloloon and rites*
“Matt, we hassa sad cuz u is nawt wif us ennymoar but (!) a happi cuz u is inteh meddow/hebben.”
*Letz babloloon flote awae*
Happee Burfdais awl! (but speshually {{{Booklion}}} )
Ohai cheezpeeps!!! {{{;)}}} Speaking uv parties and such… Yu noe how when sumwun duz a “nawt second” post and we all say “conga rats” and do the dans-dans-dans? Well the udder day ai saw on ewetoob a video of peeps from TTI doin a dans-dans-dans called the Conga while a band plaid calyso-like musik. Ai wuz wunderin’ if that was what peeps wuz reeferin’ (tee-hee) to? Teh dans iz nawt noen where ai liff.
Heer is teh viddeeo:
We is a lot moar rhythmically challenged than these peeps. Be afraid Be vry vry afraid.
Mai rithum is awl migraeted tu teh uppur end, mai feets entirlee lakking it.
Is u guilty? I has heared that guilty feets have got no rhythms.
**heddesk**
ow ow ow…. oooh, dots…
Yu shudda nosed beddur dan tu cheet a fren!
Noes!!! Mai feets bee teh entirlee innosent of ennee graese!
Tehy bee teh guiltee ov stumbuls tho. Feets drunk, hed sobur–knot hao it ushullee goes in teh wirld!
Cood maibee sues tehm fur lakks ov sup port?
OOPS! Mangled teh huggie-smiley. Heer iz bedder aihoapso. {{{:)}}}
The wurdz is misspelled ’cause cats have truble tiping wit thre big furree pawz…