Door-to-door saleskitteh practices
Door-to-door saleskitteh practices friendly smile
betteh nawt use ur killer smile.
Picture by: dunno source. Caption by: Skittycat via Advanced Lol Builder
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Cheezburger Network Blog
DO NOT WANT!
* Elbows LCB out ob teh wai *
Oi! Ai has a nownsmint… plz tu moobe OBER!
Ahem! Is tihs fing awn? Oh, nose. Is nawt.
* turns awn micrololfone *
AHEM! Ai can has yur tenshuns plzthx? Fankies.
Plz tu be HEER awn teh 6am Cheezthyme LOL neckst Mundane fur a berry, BERRY speshul ebent…
Moar deetayls at Elebenty…
Hay! U doesn’t even HAS elbows, does u? Stoopy piggeh.
No, but but but wai yu finkso ai keeps Mick arownd fur? Hii has teh extry pointy elbows.
Nao, does yu has yur tellebizhun owtfeet reddy fur mundane?
Whut’s this, now? Monday I was gonna go get my taxes undone. U got something planned?
OIC. My phlonquais should have telled me about that.
Let me see whut I can does about reschedulifying teh tax appointment. And building a outfit “appropriate” for teh “occasion”.
Egg Salad… Nao, ai has tu go get fitted fur mai gnu white lethur trowsurs adn faux moose stash… plz tu taek care ob fings wen ai is awai.
Fankies!
ur mean!!!i am z one who found thiz so u betta be nize to animalz!!!!!!!!!!!!
ooooh! cheezland speshul ebents are ful uv win an awsum!
Oh yesh yesh yesh!!! Plz tu ware sumfing sparklee!
NO!!! not tu waring deh sparkeez!!!
LCB will taking u owt!!!
tu luk at in deh lite, dat iz. not “taking u owt,” like a hit man wud.
oar on a date.
Ohai mai leeje! Dere yu is!
* wispurs in eer *
…uh huh… yesh… uh huh… OB CORSE!
Otay… wib extry tasslols? No prollem…
*Hangz eggstry tasslolz frum eerz*
*admirez self in meer rawr*
ooooooo. pritty!!!
* wonders awai humming “donut stawp meh nao!” *
Donuts?
Um, sparklee? Dere nawt will be bampyres, rite? Rite?
Nawt so far as yu nose.
Yu iz finlee gunna propoze tu LCB?
An we get tu watch???
Ooh! Ooh! A wedding!
* narrows eyes *
Hey! Stop touching my eyes! Weirdo…
**draws fake Groucho eyebrows on Maus**
*adds groucho noze adn mustash*
This morning I shot an elelolfant in my pajamas. Hoe he got in my pajamas I’ll never know…
.
Whaddya know. It werked…
Hoe ???
And we thot u wuz jus happy to see us..
Mumbletygrumbletywiseacre…
Who u callin a wiseacre ???
We started our training on our new operating system this week,Maus (which iz why ai havent been here all weekweekweek). Not going live until Aug.1,and vacation time has been limited for July…pleh!
Will it FINALLY allow customers to order spherical canvas boxes? Hmmmmmm?
Sorry,the spherical canvas box formula has not been loaded into the new system.
We are (kinda) sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.
Harumph! A likely story…
Exkweeze mii Eeck, butt (!) dis nu operating system yu lernded, itz nawt … WIN-DOZE 7 SEBENTY, ees eet?!?!
Naw…iz cawled Amtech,and is speshully for the box industry.
Phew! Glads tu heer eet. Ai wus afeered teh … horror … hads awlreddy bin unleeshed awn an unsuspektin whirld. O, teh huje manatee!
Microsloth announced yesterday that the GA release of Windoze 7-11 will be in October.
*Shudder*
*pees inna flannic*
Will they gib u a slurpee wif it ??
eeeeeek!!! Windoze = pleh
*Puts a blond Harpo wig on Eeck*
** puts a pink satin ballgown,ala Marilyn Monroe,on Maus**
*Models the ballgown*
It’s gorgeous! Does it make my butt look fat?
No…it’s,uh,very slimming…
*Takes the blond wig from Eeck and puts it on*
*Bats eyelashes*
Duz I really luk like Marilolyn Monroe?
Um…maybe her brother….
Um, yoo mite wanna taek off teh groucho eyebrows, noze n mustash…
How silly of me!
*Puts the Groucho eyebrows, nose and moustache on Eeck*
HA! Gotcha!
*BOOP!*
** grabs a cigar **
** can’t remember any good Marx Brothers lines **
How about “If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”…
You got a point there, but if u’d ware a hat nobody wud notice!
Oh,your Ebilness,ai thot u wuld never ask !!
**swoons**
*Puts a
bed of nailsswooning couch under Eeck…My most favoritist Groucho line was when the big woman started singin and he crawled ober the back of the sofa and sed to the audients “I’m stuck but if I were you I’d go out to the lobby until this thing blows over:
A chyld of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a chyld of five.
*lends Gremlin hur child uv 5*
Why, thankee! *wonders whut to do with it*
* applies eye cream * ‘kthnxschmoobai
*swoon* yeah!
Ooh!
a spanking!a wedding??!!And then after the spankings…
Debreefings???
LMAO monty python :3
spank mii!
*zoot ref*
Bad Zoot! Bad, naughty Zoot!
do you gurls hab taht Grale-shaypd lite awn agin?
Grail-shaped light nawt supposd tu be awn. Fur that yoo must be spankd
aww a summer wedding, how nice
will it be on a beach?
** scoffs **
Beach weddins be SOOO last yeer…
we shall have it in the Walmart parking lot…
and serve cheez-its…
And punch made with Kool-aid and Everclear…
And everyone has to wear sweat pants and cheap flip-flops….
round here theyer called buffet pants (fer the obvioust reason)
lol. wut gud iz “all yoo kan eets” if yoo are restriketd by teh non-eggspanding pantswear?
I sense anuther ICHC lo-bujit producshun here . . .
Duz teh brydes mayds has to has silly kullurd ugly dresses? And shoos to match?
If so, aym reddy! I has gowns in awl shayds of pink, labender, dusty rose . . . and shoos to match!
Four weddings and a funeral?
My big fat Greek wedding?
Monsoon Wedding?
Brydes Mayds ALWAIS has teh ugly dresses …
iz wedding law…
*snerk* Is a wedding law mayd up by brydes, I suspekts.
Bryde wayrs pritteh dress. Brydesmayds wayr ugly dresses.
So everybudy lukings at bryde, and nawt at teh brydesmayds.
But if teh brydesmayds dresses iz too awflol, pplz will be starin at tehm in horrified fassinayshun. Dey hasta be jus uglee enuf fur pplz to want to avert demz eyez — nawt so uglee dey can’t avert demz eyez.
The men will be barefoot, wearing wife-beaters and cutoff jeans…
but will they be pregnant?
The men? It’s possible, I guess…
*wandersawaytoponder*
Pregnant men?
Whale, Ai wunz herd that there wuz no wun left at Nellingen Barracks but Colonel Roonney an teh pregnant soljers, but that wuz during teh Gulf War, an ai think they mite has bin awl wimmins!
*sigh* OutoftehLoop JCH4K duzzn’t knoe what wife-beeters are.
*whispurrs* is teh white ribbed tank tops u sees on men whut r relaxifyin at hoam wiv a beer.
um, fink of what Marlin Brand-o wore in Streetcar, Janet!
ai haz mai trusstee sellfoen kamra at teh redee! pikshures plz!
Do yoo hav wun in crystalette?
A fabrik rarelee scene tehse days.
Say, Teh Crystalettes wuld be a grayt naym for an ICHC gurl groop!
A wedding? ai can doo teh cayk… since it be in teh walleh wurld- ai mayk outta twinkies!
Pffft. What yu gunna du, plug up teh hole oshun wif fuds tu get heer?
Umm… Err… Umm… mebbeh…
Luks liek u leeds teh brayde, LCB! Wee goe tu tye bootique?
We can goes to teh tailor insted? I needs some of my fingers re-re-attachified. In teh rite places this time. kthxpokedmyselfinteheyepickinmynose
OK, u nedes tu get stichified, we goes to tailor fur teh alterashuns!
ALTERASHUNS!?!
MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT!
Y duz LCB object tu alterashunz??
Let’z chek deh LOLspeek Dikshun airy.
Alterashuns – a trip tu deh Alter. Synonymz: wedding, getting hitched, jumping deh broom, marrying, tying deh not.
Xcuse, butt (snerk) ai thunked Alterashunz waz annover werd furr edumakashun.
A marriage iz sertenly an edumakashun.
It’s also a institution. Being in a institution? DO NOT WANT!
Been “committed” twice….REELY do nawt want!
third time is a charm
ob korse three strikes an yer out
I thot the third time wuz for money…
Whut LCB sed – is whut mah muther always sez.
Marrij is an institooshun. And nawt everybudy is reddy for an institooshun.
Thass whut she sez, ennyway. But reely she is happily marreed.
Mah mummeh and daddeh will be marreed 59 yeers on June 17 of this yeer. I noes that troo luv and forever luv eggsists. I has seen it with mah own 2 eyz.
Congrats to gremlins parents! 59! Wow!
Fankees. Ay wuz just thinkin this morning that neggst yeer will be 60 yrs and we shuld haz a beeg partay for them.
They runnd away and got marreed in Maryland. Mah dad wuz verreh independent and diddn’t want to ask ennywunz permisshun for her hand.
On theyr way bak home teh saym day, they stoppt in Harrisburg and saw teh movie Annie Get Your Gun.
Wuz prolly a verreh stranj wedding day! Altho mebbe nawt kwite so stranj as mah own.
Ai LUV teh storee ov yur wedding day! Teh DRAMA!!!!
Fentzing, fiting, giants, chases, escayps, twoo luv, meerakuls. . .
Oh, wayt. That wuz Princess Bryde! But we ackshuly did has twoo luv and meerakuls.
hee- apro poe (sortof) to dat :reminds me 0 a wunnerfull card a nawsum n full-0-win peep sent me:creatif mindz have alwayz bin none to surbibe any kind 0 bad training….thnx again- dat (adn teh massage insied) always cheers me yup
I think taht mite bee sorta cheering. Waht kind ov massage wuz insied? Tehy say, a gud message iz gud fur teh sole.
a massage is gud foar teh soles uv ur feet, foar shur!
Tho nedes tu b caerfil tu ax fur alterashuns nawt altering!
iffn LCB needs fixing, maybee she shud go too da V-E-T ta getz fixed
Hay! Yu still owes me elebentee munnies fur teh offis bisit!!!
I telled u: see my phlonquais for payment.
*grumblols tu self abowt fird-partee paymints alwayz taking furebber*
Third-piggeh payments take even longer.
Piggeh-back paymints?
Iz becuz he spends awl teh munnies awn roast beest.
And Guiness and pork scratchings (what are dose???)
Which being mai point egg zaktlee (frum belo).
If yu let pinnygigs choose own diet, tehy eets fuds nawt at awl gud fur tehm!! Roast beest be nachural fud fur carni… karne… meet-eeturs, nawt pinnygigs!
How rude! Y don’t treat ur cat like that write 10 good things about ur cat!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!
Paw in dore…
Is nawt so konvinsing, akshully…
Hello. I’m from the Government, and I’m here to help…
we gived at teh orifice!
EEEP!!! No fank u mr. kitteh! *slams an loks door wifakwikness*
Needz mor practis!
FANG – behbeh!
Me bid yoo . . . velkum.
Wow… that’s creepy. Um, no thanks, I, um, don’t have any carpet, don’t need new windows, um, that’s my phone gotta go BYE!
Door-tu-door saleskitteh hazza skerry! Him want tu nom yur rodints!
Nawt tu be nommin teh rodints!
Well, duz him LUUK lyk him heer tu sell yu a vakyum kleener?!?! (Altho enny kitteh taht wud, be pafolojiklee disturbd ennyway.) Oar halp yu find Ceeling Cat (him fureber getting lostid, needs gnu tags ur sumfing)?!?!
Him muss be offring serbisses az exterminaytur!!!
hmm… well, mebbeh.
Nao, plz tu tell me abowt wai yu finkso piggehs has teh unyooshul habeets? huh? HUH?
Fur wun fing, tehy stuffs teh water-bottlol straw full uv noms so teh watter no can get fru, an tehn tehy gets awl firsty, an tehy complayn tu teh hyoomins, “Ooooooh, we dies uv teh first, yu nebber gibs us watters!”
An tehm haz teh weerd fizi… physi… bodees. Nawt can gib pinnygigs penny-sillin, but iz nawt allurjees, no-no, iz coz it kill teh bacterias inna tummees. Nawt uvver aminlols, juss pinnygigs.
Yesh yesh! Wii is teh berry speshul littlol animlols!
Oh adn wii does nawt liek teh watters, fankies. Wii lieks Guinness, aifinkso, yesh. Uh huh. * nod nod * Does yu has anee?
*chekks manooal*
Also, pinnygigs iz terriblol abowt eeting helfy. If yu let tehm, tehy will eets awl junk fuds. pinnygigs shud haz diet uv mostly pellets, an onlee get seeds an fings azza treet. But shud gib cabbage an kale an fresh fings lyk taht, coz pinnygigs (agen, unlike uvver rodints) nawt can maek bitamin C an can debelop scurvee.
Ai see nuffing heer bowt guiness being a helfy fing.
but but but is reech in iron, adn taystes mush bedder tahn teh magnits LCB keeps feeding tu meh… PLUS, kale is teh pleh!
O, adn ai is NAWT teh scurbee! pfft!
* scratch scratch *
Heer, hab sum cabbij an sumflower seeds.
In teh long run, yu will fanking me fur it.
Ohai, P-K. Wuzzint ther sumthing abowt theyr tayls being stufft up insyd them too? Or did I mis-hear that part?
Tehre duz be coccygeal (tail) vertebrae, but tehy awl fused tugevver an tehre be no tayl owtside. Sorta lyk hyoomins.
*looks askance at GP and himz coccygeal fused-together tayl*
Hmm… well… yesh… umm… fankies?
But… but… u sayed u liked teh magnets! U sayed how it lets u ride on teh hood of teh splortscar wifout falling off as much.
Umm… whut ai sed wus taht ai lieked dem moar tahn teh bunjee cords yu normerlee yoose!
Eye dealy, ai wud liek tu sit awn won ob teh seets, plzthx.
“I don’t wanna sit on teh seet, LCB,” u sed.
“Is not dangerous enuff,” u sed.
“All teh cool piggehs ride on teh hood,” u sed.
Later on:
“Can I borrow ur toofbrush, LCB?” u axed
“I has all these bugs in my teef,” u sed.
Guinness iz gud fur u! (Dat’s an awld adbert frumwai bakk in TTI!)
Liek likwid bred, aifinkso. Pumpernicklol?
Butt – applols!!! Can Pinnee Giggees hav teh fresh applols? Ink wiring minds DO WANT to know.
Beer is maed frum grane an yeest, so iz bred. Neckst kwestyun?!
‘needs new tags’!!! LOL!!!
@@@@@
Needz less poyntee enz, afinksew?
Ah! no fanx, do not want crapacheeno diet smoovies, bai!
I vant to drink ur milk…
Kitteh could learn a lot from this salesgator.
ai iz bryng-ging teh gud nooz! CC iz awn teh wai! onnest!
*nok nok*
Candygram!
*slam door*
u cahnt fuul meh, ur teh landshark!!
orly?
I’m only a dolphin, ma’am!
awn mai perch
unless kitteh iz peddlin ebil dor tew dor he reely needz tew wurk awn taht “frendly smilol”
Ai lykezit. Kitteh kan com heer wiv hiz smilol. Wii wil egg sept him!
My wat big teef yu haz!
awl teh beddur to
NOMsmylol wif!The better to nibble on your fingers at 2AM
Awl deh bedder tu nom u wif, mai deer!
GMTA!
Mebbee yushud praktiss in frunt of Mirrorcat a whiel befoar going publik, aifinkso.
Yesh, ifinkso- him haz a skeery…
Heeeeers saleskitteh!
Grandma what big teef you has
*sigh* Ai gots tu go, guis… gotta go haz a grooming class
Ai be back layturs!
(iz gud tu akshullee see yu, GP!! Been missing yu! {{{{{GP}}}}} )
Happycat’s ebil twin is not fooling enybudy.
Frendz, ai haz jus herd taht wun uv mai faborite blues wimmin, Koko Taylor haz crosst teh brige at teh aige uv 80. ai hoap noewun minds iffen ai put a linkee tew wun uv hurr songs heer….
Come To Mama by Koko Taylor
ai hoap Koko cahn meet up wif Ly in teh meddow, tehre will bee much singin an dansin aifinkso.
ai heerd dat yestiddee… ai haz a sad, ai saw her in konsert heer a cupla yeers agoe…
tewnite wii iz seein Etta James, aifink dey prollollee noo eech udder
O! u iz sew lukky! ai wud luv tew see Etta James!!! Haz a wunnerful tyme!
fankyew, hoepfullee CC will kiip teh rayn awai untill she’s awl finnisshed tewnite!
ooh, yesh, taht’s a graet song for shakin yor thangs
*shakes thang(s)*
Oh, she wuz my favrit. Has a sad…
poor kitty! You want to like him but the smile is a lttle too scary.
a not-so-HAPPY-CAT *lol*
“AVON”???? yeth, AVON to DRINK yer BLUD!
*heddesk*
*faicepaw*
*facepaw*
Luks like Jehovah’s witness kitteh, at himz partnur
eated himz partnurr an now wants to eat Uz
mai ai gibs u wun uv r magguhzeens?
lol That cat is so cute. It looks just like the cat I have. I think the cat has some evil intentions in mind. lol
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question.
`What sort of people live about here?’
`In that direction,’ the Cat said, waving its right paw round, `lives a Hatter: and in that direction,’ waving the other paw, `lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they’re both mad.’
`But I don’t want to go among mad people,’ Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can’t help that,’ said the Cat: `we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.’
`How do you know I’m mad?’ said Alice.
`You must be,’ said the Cat, `or you wouldn’t have come here.’
Alice didn’t think that proved it at all; however, she went on `And how do you know that you’re mad?’
`To begin with,’ said the Cat, `a dog’s not mad. You grant that?’
`I suppose so,’ said Alice.
`Well, then,’ the Cat went on, `you see, a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.’
`I call it purring, not growling,’ said Alice.
`Call it what you like,’ said the Cat.
wood yu bui a yusd car frum tihs kitteh?
no. Would u? If u would, think about it. Check the current mileage. See how much gas is in the tank. And if it’s real gas. Find out the REAL safety ratings.
If that salescat was at MY door, I’d run away screaming. JK. Maybe not, but I wouldn’t buy anything from him, especially food. Who knows what he did 2 it?!?!?!?!?!?!?
lol;> is that soposted to be funny ?
more like i here to kill u now smile