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I got my grump on.
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So stai owt uv mai wai, kay?
Yah, stay away from me, butt u can leev me treets so lawng as u duz nawt talk or udderwise annoy me.
An doan’t eggspekt me 2 sho gratty chewd.
Well ob corse nawt. Kittehs nebber duz.
Yu can has enneefing els chewd, juss nawt teh gratty!
Liek fuds an noms an treets..yum….*gits siedtraked* Waet a minnit Ai iz angree! Yesh angree, grr
Hai, Taya!
Hai Jon!
Givmi gushifudz an ai wil haz a happee.
Does it make my butt (!!) lui beeg?
It makes ur butt look grumpy.
Which makes u… GRUMPY BUTT! Grumpy Butt, Grumpy Butt!
*LCB is lacerated by grumpy pointy endz*
Morning, LCB. How’re the cherry blossoms in DC?
O hai.
Teh cherry blossoms? Two words: ubiquitous.
O, sry, is my lacerations bleeding all over u? Does u know whare teh first aid kit is?
*stiks hello kitty bandaydes awl ober LCB*
Thx! I don’t want to be around when it’s time to pull all these bandages off!
Aer u woondid, LCB?
*nods pitifully, shows multiple lacerations*
Teh grumpy kittey lacerated me when i called him Grumpy Butt.
*Grumpy kitteh comes back to lacerate LCB between teh Hello Kitty bandaids*
Wud u liek 2 borro mai thorn pruf glubs?
That is teh vry generuss of u, annipuss. Does they happen to work retroactively?
In cheezland ennufing iz possibul!
Az iz richllii diisurvd, yu mus agrii.
Givz teh nipz an ai wil haz a happee.
keep poakin meh an see mai grump close up hooman!
Luuks lyke jus teh free uv uz, shal wii haz mimosas an skip awf tew teh bootik?
Gud eye deer, BF, Ai want sum Eester guddiez 2 gib 2 frenz.
Good afternoon, Anni! and morning, BF473. Here, haz some of teh fab-o melon from the Whole Fuds market. And some sliced proshootoh to go wiv it. Some prosecco to wash itz down?
*Breaks into a little dans dans dans. Sitz down again, dizzy from prosecco
Thx, Ai lub melon. Nawt shore bowt habbin proshootoh wiv it Ai prefurr a splash uv ginger whine. Ai liek 2 keap froot an meet seprit!
Teh proshootoh wif teh melon is teh good! I normally doesn’t care for cantaloupe but rap some proshootoh around a slice of it and I’ll nom it rite up!
Oooh, the boutique! Wunner if there are bebbeh kittech Eva sno globes?
*Snags mimosa from BF’s tray…
yum! teh proshootoh an melon wil goe nycelee wif teh mimosas aifinkso! mai ai axe, wat is prosecco? ai haz naw heerd uv it, butt (hee) iffen it maiks u dizzeh ai amma shure ai wud lyke it!
Prosecco iz teh sparkling white dry wine from Italy, from aroud Venice. Is delish!!
taht duz sownd gud! ai r nawt a drinker (hadda gib it up bowt 15 yeerz ago) butt synce awl teh bevvies heer in cheezland iz nootrishus an gud fer uz, ai fink ai wil indulge! *clinks glass wif Q.*
Cute picture
Kitteh luks just like ai feel. Ai has teh snottydethlurgy and mai sinussiz iz fulla goo. Ai has teh “ai’m just gonna lie heer awl day feeling mizrabul” fing going awn.
Oh pore Martoonie. Hoep u feal beddur sune.
Fang q annipuss. Ai haz had enuff of teh floo season for wun year (ackshully for seberal years)
Ai fink yu need to brake open teh merjunsee wisky, for teh med is in awl porpoises oenlee, awn teh CCC.
Ai likes ur finking.
*elbows porpoises owt ob teh way*
Ahem… aifinkso yur seekrit identity is showing
Rassen frassen posh bint in teh big hat!
koff………….koff-koff-koff, yesh lesht maek some “medicinal” toddies?
.
.
Oh, um….koff-koff
*hands dan teh kleenecks and a large whiskey*
Heer, ai tuk teh porpoises out for u.
fankies.
gibbon how I dislike jumpin’ in-an-outta da watter…I would’na wanna do dat on porpoiseses….eses, I usually just monkey around when *koff-koff* usin’ da toddies
*fills humidifierator wif martoonies, sets it up next to SJ/martoonie, turns humidifierator on*
*humidifierator says “hummmmmmKA-BONK!KA-BONK!”*
Whoops. Shoulda left out the lolives.
*removerates lolives, re-turns on humidifierator*
*humidifierator says: “hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” whilst spraying healthful martoonie mist all over SJ/martoonie*
Ai likes ur finkin, also.
*breeves deeply, inhaling teh helf-gibbing martoonie mist*
Disclaymer – results may vary. Do nawt attempt to drive or operate mashinery. Do nawt egg seed teh stated dose. Do nawt take if allergic to enny ob teh ingrediments. If symptoms persist, see a licensed vet tech or legal perfesshunul. Teh valyoo ob ur investments may go down as well as up.
Yur sobyuty is at risk if yu donut keep cloes tabs awn it!
Oh noes…mai sobrietee has been missing for sum time!
*makes long, diving catch for the ollies*
.
ha ha-HA, *munch-munch-munch* *CRUNCH*….yeowtch *ptui* fricken pits.
Hay! Hay! Hay! Is MAI Grump! Gibbit bakk! NAO! Getchur own!
.
pfft! * puts grump awn *
That is NOT ur grump, piggeh! Urs has a sketti sauce stain on teh front. This one doesnot. U give teh kitteh back his grump rite now or he’ll lacerate u, too.
*shows multiplol lacerations and multiplol shredded Hello Kitteh bandages*
pfft… * hands grump bakk tu kitteh *
.
Umm… yu want ai shud get yu sum creem fur yu lassie rashers?
“Lassie rashers”? DO NOT WANT!
Unless u rap them around a slice of melon.
O but then that would make me melon collie.
* falls off chair *
.
So much win, so many levels… Yu is teh comedy jeeneus, aifinkso!
*picks piggeh up offa floor, dusts him off*
Hay, doesn’t u has a show planned for today?
Well… yesh, ai deed has… but but but yu nose hao eet is wen yu werks wib Weaslols… notting is teh reddy… ai has no theme toon, no guests, no script, no stoodio… pfft.
.
* finds grump, wipes saus awf adn throws eet ober sholdurs *
Oh. Well, then I’ll cancel teh party catering I had arranged through NOM to celemabrate ur daybyoo.
no no, plz tu NAWT be cancelling teh noms… ai kneads teh kalorees tu halps me get ebberyfing teh reddy!
.
Ai spose wii cud mebbeh du an impromptu esipode nao, but but but ai has lawts ob fings planned adn ai shud rly du sum nownsmints so ppl nose wen adn ware tu turn up, aifinkso… ADN ai has tu lolspeekeefy teh beeg musiclol nomber tu!
Well… ok. If’n u needs me to be a guest, I will try to pretend to be interested.
* applies creem, narrows eyes *
O, pore piggeh. U has to does ur own makeups? Let me halp.
*loads up ginormous powderpuff wif makeups, gets a good running start, aplies it to piggeh in one big WHOOPMPH*
* coff coff splutter splutter hack hack *
.
Umm… fankies?
Ooooh, piggeh! U look fabulous!
*waits for dust to clear, hands piggeh meeror*
* peeks at meeror wib a nerbuss *
.
AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! Keel eet! KEEL EET!
Silly piggeh. U’re looking at teh back of teh meeror, which is decoramated wif a picture of… me.
*turns meeror around*
Whutchu think?
Oh, otay… * looks agen *
.
AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! Ai lukk juss liek yu!!!
um… mebbeh u shud try something in black??
*sighs*
Piggeh, u keep turning teh meeror around when I hand it 2 u. Kweiti.
Leeza, u does something wif him. I can’t work wif a diva piggeh.
pfft! every teim I try Mick comes in wif some awful thing he wants GP to ware!
pfft! PFFT! Ai is NAWT a diba piggeh!
.
Ai wheel be in mai dressy ruum! Plz tu send summedy in wib a sanger. Fankies.
Leeza, does *U* wanna tell teh “not-a-diva” piggeh that he just stormed off into teh broom closet?
HALLOO little squirrel! Where do you want this pink fairy outfit?
oh he’ll figgur it owt when he runs into teh…
.
*distant crash in teh backgrownd*
.
mop bukkit, ifinkso…
* scamperCLONK scamperCLONK *
.
Ahem. eet appeers ai has umm… got a bukkit stukk tu mai feets. Plz tu reemoob eet wib a gentulness, fankies.
Ok, piggeh. We will halps u. Just wait a few minnits so we can get some video of this. Um, for teh insurances purposes, of coarse.
*tries to hold video camera steddy in spite of all teh laffters*
*snatchez fairy outfit from Mick*
*stuff behind back*
um…
can you halp him wif teh bukkit plzthxuwerentsposedtobringthatoutinpublic?
oh here LCB, just switch it to ‘active mode’!
OK! I’ll grab the bucket… LCB, you grab his head. Leeza, smother him with cream and on the count of 3… PULL!
cream???
.
ifinkso oil wud work better for this.
got any? or mabbeh some budder?
Umm… Hello??? HELLO??? Wii is NAWT maeking Salid Dressy heer, yu nose! Get this tihng AWF mai leg! pfft!
Mick? MICK??
pfft. ur no halp at all!!
*goes to get BBQ sause*
*adds some grilled veggies*
BAH! Don’t you know ANYTHING! They taste best with Tartare Sauce!
.
Stupid Squirrel…
Skwirllz wif tartar saws??
do you mean TARTAR sauce??
ew ew ew!!
that’s for fishes!!
* scamperCLONKsawaiwibaslowness *
SUMMEDY HALP MEH!
.
ifinkso u is misunderstanding teh sitchooashun, my cween!!!
*taeks awf teh bukkit an holds teh piggeh, sheeldin him wif her wings*
phew! * wipes sweat from brow *
.
Fankies!!! {{{Taya}}}
.
Nao, GEDDEM! Taht won nawt sekkund, teh squirrel!!!
Y yew wants tew eet teh littlol piggeh?He nawt do anyfing tew yew?* kitten hiss*
*suppresses laffters at teh kitten hiss*
We was simply using teh lolternative, lolistic method of piggeh-in-bukket rescue! Wif teh all-nachural ingreedients. No one gonna eat that piggeh. (Pleh!)
*kitten hiss, tail frizz an feathers floof maekin her luk adoriblol*
uh huh, a lyke lee storee… so, iffn yu wus NAWT gonna nom me, wai does yu has a napkin for? huh? HUH?
Silly piggeh, u sloshed mopbukket watters all over.
Is not a nakkin, is a shamwow.
*shamwows up wet piggeh pawprints from floor, furnitures, walls and, um, ceiling?*
*nuzzles teh littlol piggeh, purrin an snorgloling wiv him*
* nod nod * Ceiling Piggeh is watching yu…
*littlol bebbeh kittun starts tew crai* Pleez nawt hert mai littlol piggerh…He mai fren….*snifful*
is otay, Taya. Plz dun wurry! Ware yu has bin aneewai? Ai has nawt ssed yu in a lawng thyme!
Ai has bin berry bizzee laetlee. Ai has misseded yew mai piggeh…
Ai has had a bizee tu! * hedbats stoopy reel lyfe *
*snorglols wiv mai piggeh fren, purrin happlee*
Iz a sourpuss. Deal wif it.
YAY! I lol’d!!!
Aaaah, itz gud tu bee yung an insane!!!
Who u calling “yung”?
Her, um, nawt kwite got teh hang uv it…
Oh, plsthxcyoot! Yesh, yesh, yesh! Eva-bebbeh fix rekwired STAT! You does such gud job wiv Eva cud not pawsibly be aboos!
UTube iz prossessing it az we speek. An ai haz almost awl teh milks off uv her… got her tukked insyde mai shurt tu keep her warm, and she just had her lunch teh owld-fashuned way..
Aifink mebbe we wayt a few days befoar trai teh bowl idea agen…
Nao UTube finlee dun…
*tossiz teh link an runs off tu hyde*
Eva an tehBowl uv Milk
Her be otay, ai promiss!!!
Umm… Yu Tyoobe sed “The URL contained a malformed video ID.”
Clikkee teh bloo naym, ai just embeddid it in blog.
Ai haz no idea what UTube blathring abowt, seems tu wurk.
awwww!! i lub dat little kitteh, her iz sooo kyoot!
I fownded it!
**goes to luuk up number foar kitteh abyoose hawtlyne**
Ohai, u mite wanna czech owt teh Kanajun abyoose laws…..I finkso I kno ware a kyoot liddlol bebbeh iz tryin to be drownded.
tew kwot meh kommint dat neber shod up: EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aw, bless her! She is maybe a liddlol ober enfyooseastic abowt her noms, ai finkso!
Kitteh nawt sposed to swim in teh milk! LOL Eba be berry Kyoot!!
Nawt Splort dis tyme ’cause I haz a lolcat in mai lap…
Ai heared ob a milk baff, butt (hee hee) dat’s just teh silly.
.
Seh is sew kyoot!
*twitches halplessly onna floor, incapacitamated by teh extreme cyoot*
WHO tuuk dis pikshur of me?
wat kuld possibli bii rowng on dis most beautimus dai that i shuld bii owtsyde wurking in the yard on instead uf doin laundry an kleenin?
I wented car shoppin yesturday. Stoopy deelurs.
I hatez car deelerz. Adn reel estate salezmenz. I noez dere b sum gud wunz owt dere… at leest I hopez dere iz… but in mai speery entz, wif a liddlol moar integrity dey kud b pimpz.
yep! i feel da same way!
Cween! U maded me
Teh KID at teh Ford deelership relee gotted awn my dadcat’s nerbs. I ended up test-drivin a car an it wuz jes me an teh kid. Him started tawlkin abowt “Ur dad shur seems tuff to plz.” I sed, “Yah, u shud tawlk to sum of my ex-boifrenz!” LOL I relee bilt dad up to be a beeg tuff gui, so kid wud nawt try to pull a fast wun awn us.
Teh guy at teh Toyota deelership wuz nawt horriblol, cuz dis wuz 2nd tyem I wented dere. I even maded shur I deeled wif same gui. I test-drove teh car I has naymed “Teh Tomato” an I may end up buyin it, IFN I kin tawlk teh credit yoonyun in2 gibbin me moar munnies.
ifinkso maibii da bestest tyme tu go kar shopping wuld bii during PMS! teh best deal i ebber got awn a kar wuz wen i wuz about 7 months pregnant an fat an grumpy an hawt wif a headach. ifink da finance manager cried after i left.
Mahm offured to tayk me car shoppin rite aftur I gotted cut awn last Caturday. I tolded hur dat az grumpee az I wuz (Dis kitteh had NUFFIN awn me), I wud end up poppin sumbodee’s hed awf!
Of coarse, my BFF sed dey prolly wuddov GIVVEN me teh car, jes to get me awf teh lot befoar I killified ennywun.
Hay, 3km, I finkso I’m gonna go to Wally Whirled in ur town.
Got tyem to meet up reel kwik?
wat tyme?
Prolly abowt an hower.
mai grump…let me show eat 2 yew. iz mai favorite owtfeet!
ifinkso wii shop at da same store.
taht may b, butt ai iz NAWT grumpy tudai! in fact, ai iz on clowd 9, oar tin, oar mayb eben elebenty todai!!!
duz eat haz anyfing tew dew wif yesternyte, dat owr long phone call???
aim on cloud elbenty pluss elbenty frum dat!!!!!!!!1
yesh, eat has a lot 2 du wiff yesternite! deed u no taht we tawked 4 about 4 hours?!?!
no ai deednt, ai no dat teh fone confursashun wuz bout an owr (59min 11sec)
well, we tawked 4 3 hours online b4 yew called me!
wow, iffen ai odan respund fur a wle ai shud be bak on, calektin trah…
unfortumentally taeks tyme from tawkin wif yew
ai weel b on fur a wile, so ai weel check puter eber so oftin. ai iz home by maiself agin, an iz BERRY nic 2 haz teh howse 2 maiself fur a wile!!!
eat wood beh, ai wish dat happined rownd hear mur offun
hao haz ur dai ben sew far???
otay, weh endid up shoppin earlyer an ai wuz debatin bowt cawing yew, butt wuznt shur if yewd beh in church oar nawt… so eat whent excrushiatingleh slo becuz ai couldnt tawk wif yew
main haz nawt ben mush faster. had fun at church though, sew wuz nawt awl bad!
tru, an eat terned owt dat we deednt go tew 8:30 survice, nobody else wuz up, tough ai wuz up at 8:15…
ai sud be on moar stedy nao
were yew plannin on goin tew 8:30 service, oar deed yew jus deside tew get up earliee???
eatz otay eff yew iz nawt on steady. actualiee, ai wuz wurkin on mai math homewurk in btween commints!
we wuz plannin on eat
ai wuz gonna put teh confursashun frum las nyte in mai locker wif teh magnets, butt eat eaz furteen paeges lawng!!!!!
FURTEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! taht iz a LAWT ub pages fur wun convursashun!!!!!
yesh eat eaz, ai wuz surprised, an ai cant fynd mai staplur…
wat r yew gonna du wiff ur staplur? put awl ub teh pages 2gethur an steel putz dem awl in ur locker???
nebber mynd fownd eat, an re-reqad teh confursashun, jus makin shur eat wuznt a dreem…
yep sumfing liek dat … (bowt teh lokker)
dat an aid lus sum ub the paegs iffen tehy werent stpulled tegehter…
wen eber we iz dun tawkin, ai always re-read teh convursashun, jus tew feel teh butterflies agin!
so why eaz yew homae aloen agin???
mai mom haz tew wurk, an eberybodiee else iz at kurt’s baseball practic. he iz on teh trabel teem tihs yeer, he iz berry gud at baseball. ai wuz finkin bout goin todai, butt ai decided tew stai, jus in case ai gawt tew tawk wiff yew!
yesh ii eaz leabing bowtfibe firtiesh so we ken get gud seets at teh eatur plai… butt ai fink ai haz de rest ub the tyme until tehn
ai iz nawt sur wen ai haz tew leab, butt eat shuld nawt b fur a wile yet, sew we haz lawts ub tyme tew tawk!
dat eaz gud
ebber herd teh sawng
♪♫ my hands are sweaty and my knees are weak
i cant eat, i cant sleep♪♫
????
yesh, iz berry
!!!!!
no, ai haz nawt. wat iz eat called an who seengz eat???
nawt shur who seengs eat, teh rest ub the chorus goes
♪♫sounds like loves got a hold on you♪♫
which i think is the name of the song, has been stuck in mai hed awll dai…
ai weel tri tew luk eat up…brb!!!
ooo, iz a purty sawng! alan jackson seengs eat.
cyool
ai jus realized dat ai acshully had eat on mai compooter
ai red teh lyrics, an lyked eat sew mush taht ai put eat on mai music leest rite awai!!!
ai cood jus eamyo eat tew yew
ai iz nawt sur hao mai stoopie puter weel respond, butt yew culd tri.
eat wheel be sent yewr wai as soon as gmail wheel attach eat
nebber mynd, eat wodnt attach
iz otay. ai kan heer eat sumwhere else.
otay…
.
.
tleast weh gets tew tawk ryte???
yesh, taht iz alwais berry gud!!!
ai dont geet eat, wehn we are nawt tawking, ai wish weh were, butt wehn we are ai can nawt fink ub anyfing tew sai, eaz straynge in the utmost…
yesh, ai no!!! eat happens tew me too, an eat iz berry annoyin!!!
estremelie, ultra, nebber ending annoyingness
yesh eat eaz
ai haz offishulleh been designated Uncle Runt by Graham
does dat meen taht ai kan kawl yew uncle runt at skool???
most ub teh tyme, butt aid prefur nawt at skool plez, tough yew can iff yew relly want tew…
otay, ai wont at skool…butt ai iz makin no promises about wen we iz tawkin online!
ai dont need teh promises onln, jus at skool
otay, ai promise!
*shakes wolfie’s paw*
yew got teh maf homewurk dun yet???
:sheaks Kat’s paw:
deal
yesh, ai gawted eat dun!!! ai akshully feeneeshed eat a wile ago!
dats gud
:stretches an yawns:
wheredead dat tyme go!!!!!
:luks fur eat wif a kwikness:
last tyme ai luked at teh clok wuz bout an owr ago!!!!1
wow, we haz ben tawkin fur about an owr an a half alreedy!
10:25
-
7:32
=
3 owrs an 53 minits
no, wayt, haz ben TWO an a half owrs!!!
sumfin rownd bout dat yesh we ez bof dewin owr maf rawng, gud fing mrs casner eaznt hear!!!!1
hao dead mai ais gib meh away??????
fur wun fing, we deed nawt reely start tawkin until 7:59.
another fing, u sutrakted rong!
ryt-o
ai dont no, tehy jus deed. probly wuz teh wai tehy tweenkled wen yew smyled, wich yew du a lawt!
otay, jus wundrin…
aim bowt tew fawl asleep, bettur get awff befur ai dew !!!!
*grins wif a twinlol in ais*
*finks hao nic wolfie’s ais luk wiff twinkol in tehm!*
otay. ai has tew go tew. ai has tew eat soon anieewai.
That kitteh is WURKIN his grump. >:(
Izza moast beyootimus grump, izzit nawt?
Argh Ai switched meh emayo address nda now Ai havin tew wayte fur wordpretzel tew desiyd dat meh emayo b otay. Ai kummed awn unner dis emayo tew say dat Ai haz a gnu blog (sins meh odder kommint sayin sew izn’t up yet) bowt meh short stories. yew kin sea eet by klikkin meh naem.
WP taek fureber fur ebreefing. *stikks tung owt at Weerdpretzel*
*goez tu see storees, but will haz tu reed a lil at a tiem coz uv RLS*
{{{{{plasticat}}}}}
{{{{{pk}}}}} No stories yet, juss info awn them. Ai will puttink wun ob meh tew completed stories (ATADS nda Taken Out) up later tewdai. Cweenmj puttink a linky tew meh stories blog awn Cheez Town Cryer sew yew kin czech eet agen if Ai izn’t awn!
I have saved this picture, so I can take it to work, print it out REALLY BIG on the construction guy’s plotter, and put it up on the wall outside my cube. Think they’ll get the hint?
I do notz care that u brings me noms, I duz not care that u iz giving me head skrittches. I iz in a mood den wen I notz in da mood I will be wanting the head skrittches. Jus leaves mi alone right naow…..
Or I getz da pointy endx out.
I’m melting…. Oh, what a world
This cat looks like the owl from Rockadoodle
Its John C Calhoun kitteh!