I want a guarantee
I want a guarantee of immunity before I tell any smashed flower pot story.
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: dunno_source
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.
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Cheezburger Network Blog
and i needs to claw my lolyer
oopsie. kitthe sez, i meant, call my lolyer. yah, datz wot i mint…
uh huh….
Reely? I fink clawing a lolyer r more troo. Hehehehe! A lawng tyme ago I wur marryed to lolyer. Sumtymes I wanted to claw him nawt call him. Grr! I haz a feroshus!
Wuz dere sweet peaz in deh pot?
new vershun 0 Cloo: ‘inocent’ kitty in da prizon greenhoose, with pot 0 sweetpeas
First thing, let’s claw all teh lolyers.
shakes peer ref, ftw
ai kan pleed teh fifth?
uh fyfth uv gin?
dat wuld werk….
Okai U can haz catnuss purrtekshuns. Wii relolcate U …Duz U speek teh prayree goggie?
Plz to be reedin teh Mirandah Rites.
pputs on fruit headdress, and reads da script from Bizet’s oepera. you meant Carmen Mirandaz, rite?
koochee koochee
*shak doz fings*
Charo! I nawt kno u posted heer.
*tayks banananana off fryut heddress*
hayhayhay!!!!! pls to being gimme bak dat banananana. it compleets moi ensahmbl.
sawry!
ai awlreddy eeted it!
well, den you can keep it to yersef. next time ax, okays?
*goez to kitchin to get a nutter banananana*
*singings da chikita banananana song*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFDOI24RRAE
**has teh Chiquita Banana song in hur hed nao**
**goes luukin foar sledj hammur**
to make da smash’d nanner and pea nutt budder sammich?
**litebulb appearz over hed**
**stops luukin foar sledj hammur**
**luuks foar ROWND-UP insted**
…
U be niec to teh plant, rhsb!
*singing da chikita bananananna song*
youtube.com/watch?v=RFDOI24RRAE
*putz da bananana bak in da headdress*
♪I’m Chiquita Banana, and I’ve come to say
Bananas have to ripen in a certain way.
♪And when they are flecked with brown
and have a golden hue,
Bananas taste the best, and are the best for you.
You can put them in a salad. You can put
them in a pie – aye.
Anyway you want to eat them it’s
impossible to beat them.
But bananas like the climate of the very,
very tropical equator.
So you should never put bananas in the refrigerator.
Mah choir in ohai skool singed a rillee fun 4-part arraynjmint uv dat sawng!
no way! how fun!
**runz away skreemin**
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
well, twas in my hed; thought it only poe lite to share.
Heerz ur Poe, lite
.
Wunst upon a midnite dreery, whylezt I pondered week adn weery
Over mennee a kwaynt adn kuryus volume uv forgotten lore,
Whyl I nodded, neerly napping, suddnlee dehre kame a tapping,
Az ov sum wun gently rapping, rapping at mai chaymber door.
“Tiz sum viziter,” I muttered, “tapping at mai chanber door -
Onlee dis, adn nuffin moar.”
Ah, distinklee I rememberz it wuz in deh bleak Deesember,
Adn eech seprit dying ember rought its gost upon deh floor.
Eegerlee I wist deh morrow; – vaynlee I had sougth tu borrow
From mai bookz surseece uv sorrow – sorrow fur deh lost Lenore -
Fur deh rare adn radyent mayden whom deh ayngelz named Lenore -
Nameless here fur evermoar.
Adn deh siken sad unsertin russling uv eech purplol kurtin
Thrilled mii – filled mii wif fantastic terrorz neber felt B4;
So dat now, tu still deh beeting uv mai hart, I stuud repeeting
“Tiz sum bizitur entreeting entrins at mai chamber door -
Sum lat bizitur entreeting entrins at mai chamber door; -
Dis it b, adn nuffin moar,”
**kurls up awn cowch wif blankee to lissen tu teh cween’s storee**
Prezintly mai sole grew stronger; hezitayting den no longer,
“Sir,” sed I, “oar Madam, trooly ur fergibnezz I implore;
But deh fakt iz I wuz napping, adn so gentlee u came rapping,
Adn sew fayntlee u kame tapping, tapping at mai chamber door,
Dat I akeerse wuz shur I herd u” _ heer I opunnd wide deh door’ -
Darkness dere, and nuffin moar.
Deep intu dat darkness peering, long i Stuud dere wundring, feerin,
Douting, dreeming dreemz no moartl eber dared tu dreem bfer.
But deh silense wuz unborken, adn deh darkness gabe no tokin,
Adn deh only werd dere spokin wuz deh wispurred werd, “Lenore!”
Dis I wisspurred, adn an ekko murmerrd bak deh wurd, “Lenore!”
Meerly dis adn nuffin maor.
**hydez unner blankee fur dis skeery part**
**rekalls seen frum “The Crow” in witch Brandon Lee’s karaktur kwotes dis a liddlol**
Bak intu deh chamber turning, awl mai sole wifin mii burning,
Soon agin I herd a tapping sumwut lowder dat bfor.
“Shurley,” sed I. “shurley dat iz sumfing at mai window lattiss;
Let mii see den, wut dereat iz, adn dis misteree explore; -
‘Tiz deh wind adn nuffing moar!”
Opun heer I flung deh shutter, wen, wif mennee a flurt adn flutter,
In dere steppd a staytlee raven uv deh sayntlee daze uv yore.
Not deh leest obeesinse made he; not a minnit stoppt oar stayd he;
But, wif mien uv lord oar lady, perched abuv mai chamber door -
Perched upon a bust uv Pallas just abuv mai chanber door -
Perched, adn sat, adn nuffing moar.
Den dis ebinee burd beeguyling mai sad fansee intu smiling,
Bai deh grave and stern dekorum uv deh kowntinense it wore.
“Tho thy crest b shorn and shaven, thou,” O sed, “art shur no krayven.
Gastlee grim and anchent raven wandrin frum deh nitelee shore -
Tell mii wut thy lordlee name iz on deh Nite’z Plutonian shore!”
Kwothe deh raven, “Nebbermoar.”
Much I marvelld dis ungaynlee fowl tu heer diskorse so plainly,
Tho itz anser littlol meening – littlol relevancy bore;
Fur wii cannot halp agreeing dat no living hyoomin beeing
Eber yet wuz blesst wif seeing bird abuv hiz chamber door -
Burd oar beest auv deh skupchured bust abuv hiz chamber door,
Wif such a name az “Nebbermaor.”
**sits wif mouf open**
Poe in lolspeek.
Cween, u iz teh AWSUM!
**bows an waves arms** Wii nawt wurthee! Wii nawt wurthee!
But deh raben, sitting loanlee on deh plassid bust, spoke only,
Dat wun werd, az if hiz sole in dat wun werd hii did owtpore.
Nuffing furvver den hii uttered – not a fevver den he fluttered -
Till I skarsely moar dat muttered “Ozzer frenz haz flown befor -
On deh morrow he will leeve mii, az mai hopez have flown befor.”
Den deh burd sed, “Nebbermoar.”
Startlolled at deh stillnezz borken bai reply sew aptly spokin,
“Dowtless,” sed I, “wut it utterz iz itz only stokk adn store,
Kawt frum sum unhappee master hoom unmersiful dizaster
Followed fast and followed faster till hiz sonz wun burden bore -
Till deh dirgez uv hiz hope dat melon collie burdin bore
Ov ‘Nebber-nebbermoar.’”
But deh raben still beeguyling awl mai sad sole intu smiling,
Strate I weeld a kushuned seet in frunt uv deh burd and bust adn door;
Den, upon deh belvet sinking, I beetookt maiself tu linking
Fansee untu fansee, thinking wut dis ominus burd uv yore -
Wut dis grim, ungainly, gastlee, gaunt, and ominus burd uv yore
Ment in kroaking “Nebbermoar.”
Dis i sat engayged in gessing, but no sillablol expressing
Tu deh fowl hooz fyree iiZ now burnd intu mai buzzum’z kore;
Dis adn moar I sat deevineing, wif mai hed at eez reklining
On deh kushun’z belvet lining dat deh lamp-lite gloated o’er,
But hooz belver violet lining wif deh lamp-lite gloating o’er,
Shii shall press, ah, nebbermaor!
Den, mii thot, deh air grew denser, perfumed frum an unseen senser
Swung bai Sarafim hooz foot-fawlz tinklolled on deh tufted floor.
“Retch,” I kryed, “Thy God hath lent thee – bai dese angelz hii haz sent thee
Respite – respite and nepenthe, and frum thy memreez uv Lenore!
Kwaff, oh kwaff dis kind mepenthe, and furgit dis lost Lenore!”
Kwoth deh raven, “Nebbermaor.”
“Profet!” sed I, “thing uv ebil! – Profet still, if burd oar debil!-
Wevver tempter sent, oar wevver tepest tosst thee heer ashore,
Desolate yet awl undaunted, on dis dezert land enchantid -
On dis home bai horrer haunted – Tell mii truly, I implore -
Iz dere -iz dere balm in Gilead? – tell mii – tell mii, I implore!”
kwoth deh raben, “Nebbermaor.”
“Profit!” sed I, “thing uv ebil! – profit still, if burd oar debil!
Bai dat Hevin dat bendz abuv us – bai dat God wii bof adore -
Tell dis sole wif sorrow laden if, wifin deh distant Aidenn,
It shall klasp a sayntid maydin hoom deh angels named Lenore -
Klasp a rair adn radient maydin, hoom deh anglez named Lenore?”
Kwoth deh raben, “Nebbermoar.”
That. Was. AWESOME!! ai luvs me som Poe! Dis poem bee my favurit, and in lolspeak, even bettur! thx u maded my dai!!
“B dat werd ower sine uv parting, burd oar feend!” I shreekd upstarting -
“Git thee bak intu deh tempest and the Nite’z Plutonian shore!
Leeve no blak plume az a token uv dat lie ty sole hath spoken!
Leeve mai loanleeness unborken! – kwit deh bust abuv mai door!
Take thy beak frum owt mai hart, and take thy form frum off mai door!”
Kwoth deh raben, “Nebbermaor.”
And deh raben, nebber flitting, still iz sitting, still iz sitting
On deh pallid bust uv Pallas just abuv mai chamber door;
Adn himz iiz have awl deh seeming uv a demon’z dat iz dreeming,
And deh lamp-lite o’er him streeming throwz hiz shadow on deh floor’
And mai sole frum owt dat shadow dat lyez floating on deh floor
Shall b liftid – nebbermoar!
.
.
Wif sereeuz aplologeez tu Edgar Allen Poe – wun uv mai faborit auferz.
Ai awlwaiz lieked reedin himz stuff in skool. Wun uv teh bestest parts of American Lit. Mark Twain buuks wuz cool, too. Speshlee Connecticut Yankee.
Oh, yes, i b lubbing deh Mark Twain, tu. Haz u eber red himz Innersentz abroad??? I thot it so innteresting…. adn funnee.
Ai hazzint – but ai shud.
@@@@@ X elebentee: full 0 Wind adn Possums! er, i mint, WIN adn Aweums!
OOO guds!! I b habbing a breezy marsoopial!!
Um…. wow!!!!!!!
Elebenty gazillion burgers fur teh cween frum Seanya (a big Poe fan) an me (jenral langwije fan).
Ai iz dun wif mah werk — ai kin going hoam!!!
Trewly da Cween is de awesomest of dem awl. Hiphiphooooray!
Nebbermoar!
long lib poe!
I finkso I mite need to go luukin foar Senor Cuervo NAO!
ai iz bery bery sawry!!! *UK bad kitteh goez tew sit in korner*
her request……..has a-peel.
yesh, i was a peeling to uniquekitty’s bettah side.
*looks at watch*
.
*sigh*
.
off to the spotlights *slouches off…..grumbling all the while*
Hi Dan!
Bye Dan!
ah, how soon one becomes jaded of the spotlites…
ai haz a bedder syde?!
well, mabee lesser of two weevils?
a smaller bug?
FACEPAW!!1!
wuz teh goggie uf korse!
ooo – anudder kaliko!!
*yoink!*
OOoooh, u iz teh kwik.
ai had tew b kwik – ai noo yu wuz heer!!
ai yoinked teh pirate kitteh frum last nite(?) tew – ai shaer wif yew!! wich duz yu wants tew snorgle?
I kin has dis wun? Diz kitteh remynz me moar of my Josie.
**snorgles caliko kitteh**
otay! funnie, dis kitteh”s fayce luuks liek Unique’s fayce…wuz Josie and Unique relayted? *haza pawnder*
Hmm….I nawt shure.
Josie’s fayse wuz moar whyte. Hur spots nawt has strypes in dem. U kin be seeing hur in my pikshurs. Hur wuz mostlee whyte, wif caliko tayle an spots awn hur hed an bak.
Teh liddlol caliko awn teh bak of teh cowch an in teh closet floor iz Peggy, teh famlee cat. Hur has crossed teh bridj too.
bof Tira and Unique haz strypes awn dere spots. Unique haz a stripey tayl, liek a racoon. Unique haz lawts uf wite tew
UK! I LUBS ur bunneh eers!
fankies!!
ai nawt addmeeting tew anyfing befur
ai noez nuffink!
Oh Hai Sgt Shultz!
wat shaneel eaz dat awn???
ohai wolfie!
.
Ai do nawt no, ai has nawt seen eat on tv in a looooong tyme. we has a dvd set!
*finks about episode an giggols*
ai lubs taht show!!!
ai haz nebber seen eat
an hai Kat yew wuz on earlyer dan usual toodai butt ai meesed yew
could ai borrow tohse wulf books by Jean craighead George plez, aill taek caer ub them
sur, ai has red awl ub tem 2 oar 3 tymes! tehy r berry gud books!!!
aiz red te furst tew, but nawt teh ohter wun, aid liek tew re catch up on tehm
so hao haz yewr dai bean since ai last saw yew???
nawt 2 grate, aim afraid. has jus ben a stressful nite. an 2morrow wont b aniee bedder. mai mom has 2 wurk, an eberybodiee else iz goin to toledo awl dai. ai iz goin 2 b by myself awl dai!!! wat am ai supposted 2 dew awl dai???
yew kood tawk wif meh!!!1!
cept in teh mourning an maybeh sum later, butt alot ub teh dai
ai shud beh free
well, ai weel probly sleep in l8, lyke ai awlways dew on caturdai, butt ai weel talk 2 yew too! weel definately b nice nawt to has teh familiee around, wonderin who ai iz talkin tew, wat ai iz talkin about, wat iz taht site called aniway, an awl those ubber queshuns. eat gets berry noyin after a wile!
yesh eat wood, ub course ai betsh aftur ai sed dat ai am gonna fynd owt tummorow mourning ai wont be hoem all dai if dat happens aim sorry, ai cood always call if ai has a free minute
with ur luck, taht actully mite happen! yew cans call eef yew has a fwee minute, butt ai has 2 apoligise in advance eff ai iz brayn ded 2morrow. ai weel most lykely stai up purty l8 2nite!
aill sati up as laet as possible tew, so eef aim brayn ded…
wayt wat were weh tawking bout agin?????
nine elebenty, nine elebenty! teh wolfie iz brayn ded agin! dis iz nawt a drill, ai repeet dis iz nawt a drill! hurriee, peeple, hurriee!
srsly though, wen iz yew NAWT brayn ded???
nawt shur
ai just reset mai ansurring masheen call mai ceel yewl luv eat, eat eaz grate aill heat ignore so yew can here eat
ai wld sai mayb 5 oar 6 percent ub teh tyme yew iz fuly awake, mayb eben less!
.
oh, an jus as a side note, iz sumtymes a leetle hard 2 tew fink ub sumfing 2 sai wen yew give 2 wurd ansers. jus fought yew shuld no….
sowwy, ai eaz tyred
shood ai sai sumfing random instead???
ai lyke ur nu ansurring masheen! iz berry…uh…wolfieish! suits yew purrfectly!
.
.
well, sayin sumfing random iz kinda ur fing, sew…sur, y nawt?
ai haz diplomatik eemuniteh
i can b ur lawyer?
Oh Hai wii haz anuudur blizzurd coming fur caturdai. 9 tu 15 inchus uf moar snoes. DONUT WANT.
Plz to be keepin it ware u iz!
kthxbai
Agin??? How will I eber git tu MenneeSnowDaze adn den tu OryGone bai May 1 if it keepz snowing up norf???
U need teh goggie sledz frum teh tybooteek aifinkso.
*hookz dog team tu frunt uv motorhome.
.
Mush!! Mush!!! On u huskeez!!!
Mebbeh yu cud find wun oar three ov dose flyin raindeer frum the odder dai?
Duz Santa rent owt deh rayndeerz??
In dis ekonomee? Aifinkso.
LOLz @ nightshayde
Why not? him onlee uses dem one nite a yeer nyway
Dat wuz SANTA’s raindeer dey putted in teh oburhead awn dat playne? **gitz a wurree**
hmm – ai might hab borruwed it yes… tu luk at it de light!!!
but I wus going tu gib it back – *nod nod nod* – I wus – reeleh!!!
*goes tu look hao purtee dat rayndeer is in de light*
snow: ai herd of dat, iz purties, nice for visitings
boringz here; 70 an sunny, again
Snow? purdee??? Iz u nutz????
Snow iz ebil!!!
**Agweez wif teh cween emfatiklee**
especially when U has to dribe in it
or walk when deh roads gets icee
DO NOT WANT
Oar goes to werk innit.
Oar looze powur cuz ov it.
Onlee grate wen u at hoam, warm an wif lotsa fuds, an noware to go!
….an has sumwun to snugglol wif in front of fyre.
ai just putted sum pics awn cheezfrens uf wut snoe in Camden NY luuked liek in Jan 2004….
ohai, wrr!
iz taht pickshur ob dan him fur reel?
Mew-nitee fr flowr pawt insidint iz oanlee gud if’n u haz n-fur-mayshun leedin ty teh kapshur uv teh Feesh Filay Bandit.
Donalold Trump kitteh sez, “Hyoomin, ur FYRED!”
…allegedlee…
A ledge? Ai kin klimb awn it? Are dere flourpotz awn it?
Dere mite haz bin — but ai nawt sayin ennyfing fur shur.
Butt, yu haz immyewnittee! An a liddlol flourpot durt, right, there!
Nah – doze iz Oreo crumz.
Hmmm. Um. Um. **luks down, kiks durt** Um. Are dere onlee oreo crumz left? Oar du yu hab sum tu share? Ai will bring teh milk!
*sigh* Nao ai wants oreos.
…
*kwietlee nibblols string cheeze instead*
Aiz habbin selluree an karrut stix wif no-fat ransh dressin. Iz gud substatoot fur chipz, dey says. Crunshee an deelishus, dey says. NAWT!
Oanbaitehwai, frowzed ricotta cheez wif artafishul sweetnur an choklit chipz duz nawt fooll yur brayne, oar yur tung, intu finking yur eetin icee kreem.
Ai shud eet mah karruts. Mebbe aftur sum choklit-cuvverd espresso beens. Ai haz a sleepy – but ai haz so much moar werk to do.
Wii stopped at a fudge store deh uzzer day… I gottid Cappachino Fudge…. NOMa lishus!!!!
I awlso haz deh Ammaretto fudge and deh Tokky Rode…..
Ai lieks vanillol fudge & peanut buddur fudge. Mmmmm.
I nawt do it, it wuzzint mii, i nawt no nuffing! Dats mine stori an i iz stickin tu it!
And I’ll need a gnu idennatee. Mebbeh as a goggie. Naaaah. Mebbeh as a guiness piggeh? Naaah. Hmmmmm….. Mebbeh ai’ll bee a kyoot kitteh. Oh, ai alredee am. Yu figgur it owt.
Well, if u needz a gnu identateez, wii will haz tu fitting u wif a Wildabeest soot. Holding still wyle I mezzur u. Lookz like u taking a 18 fuzzy.
.
*goez tu bak ruum tu finding deh rite size.
.
Sry. Wii duzn’t haz deh wildabeest in ur size, wud u liking a gazelle soot insted?? It haz a berry attraktiv stripe.
omcc – in teh Syracuse paper teh otter dai, awn teh frunt paje, dere wuz a big artikul abowt teh Syracuse Hoomane Soseyeitee. bcuz uf teh borkd ekonomee, dey b in bery bad finanshul trubble, donashuns b down 70 % and pets given up tew teh Hoomane Soseyeitee b up more dan 50 % – dey ownlee hab enuff munnies tew last tew te4h end uf April….den dey will hab tew klose and and ne pets dat wuzn’t dopted wuld hab tew b sent ober teh bridj!
well, wifin 24 howrs uf teh artikul bein in teh paper, dere wuz a total uf ober $10,000, 28 bags goggie fud, 25 bags kitteh fud, and lawts uf kitteh litter donayted!!! WOOOO HHOOOO fer awl teh animal lubbers hoo stepped up tew help!!!! *klappity klappity floofee wite paws*
Yay fur deh aminlol lubbing peepz!!
oooh that makes mine hart sooo happi!!! Go Syracuse peepz!!!
Dis gibs me many happees in my hart. Tanks for sharren!
Or just show your cute innocent face.
http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/01/05/funny-pictures-my-cute-innocent-face-let-me-show-you-it/
GUIES!!!!!
I foargotted to tayle u!
I HAS MY ORIJINAL LAST NAYME BAK!!!!
.
I gotted noo driburs lysense 2day. Teh pikshur nawt horriblol, ethur.
Go Red, Go Red! Gud fur yu! Now yu kan forgit awl bout himz!
Woot woot! Yay, Red!
w00t, w00t, w00ty-toot-toot! Yew go, gurl!
U gottid driberz lisense wif a nawt horriblol pixor??? Dat b deh win, fur shur!!
Yah, I wuz kwite teh
wen I saw it.
Teh pikshur awn teh prevyus wun wuz berry pleh. Dis wun, nawt horriblol, espeshulee considerin wut dey had to werk wif.
{{{{{nightshayde}}}}
**I saw on the other picture that you had a bad headache for several days. Some years ago I had what I thought was allergy/sinus infection, but wasn’t. I had a high blood pressure reading (when we had a health check day at work) and the assistant said I should see a Dr. I went to a general practitioner & he gave me blood pressure medicine. That didn’t do the trick, blood pressure just kept getting higher. After several weeks (headache came & went), I decided to see a heart specialist. He did several tests because he thought I had a tumor on my kidney. After two final tests, he found out the main artery to my right kidney was collapsed. I went in for “day surgery”, they went in through the groin, up the artery to my right kidney and opened it up again. Rare most people, but more rare for women (ai are wun). After that – no more headaches like that. They were the worst migrain-type headaches I ever had. Now I just get the occasional stress or sinus headaches with weather changes or allergy headaches. There’s a medical term for the “condition” but I can’t remember what it was. Might want to get a blood pressure check and go thru some tests to make sure something like that isn’t going on.
{{{{{nightshayde}}}}}
wow, i learn so much here. fanks.
…
Yikes — datz kinda skerry! Mah BP haz bin teh ok — onlee a liddul high wen ai haz taken Sudafed, but datz lojikul. Dat iz a gud fing to keeping in mind, tho. Fank u fur teh info! Ai iz glad ebbreefing werked owt fur u wif dat.
Awesome, awesome, awesome!!!
