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Ackshuly, teh Maus wuz wun sekkund behynd. Rats! I wanted to say:
Congrats for bein at teh TAWP OF TEH BRAYD!!!
*snerkle, snikker, snort*
You really crack yourself up…
kitteh is liter den teh prince…
kyooter tew…
*luks ashaymed, but only a liddel*
I duz tayks mah party with meh, wherever I goes!
Out here on yor Internetz, kwakkin mahself up . . .
You is an upside-down duck?
Quacking up…
*NyuckNyuckNyuck*
Better a kwak-up than a kwak-down! *wonders whut a kwak-down is; thinks mebbe it is summat lyke a smak-down*
OMG lukz jus lyke mai hare eggsept myne iz blak! Defunitlii mai prints iz tihs kitteh!
Rapunzel
hahahaha *freeway* gmta!!!
But we bofe beet Maus!!!!
yersh. dubblol kwikfinnr, triplol gmta. iz a cheezland whirled rekurd?
Ai onlee c 2-wai tye. Kongrats tu annipuss adn calicocoa on deir awt sekund plais! …….. *sigh* Ai wuz so cloas…….
…….. Aw wel, deir’s awais nekst tym! 
um, 2-wai tye, troo dis. (ai callz it “dubblol kwikfinnr.”)
.
*butt* (teehee), iz teh *3*-wai gmta — “grayt mindz fink alaik” — coz 3 cheezpeeps sed “rapunzl”…
.
gd luk awn teh nawt-sekind nxt taim, fluffyb!
Rapunzel, Rapunzel…
Let down your hair to me!
**luuks cornfyoozed**
Okay, ifn u say so!
**frows wig to Maus**
Nawt shure hao dat gunna halp, tho.
:snerk:
Gud wun rhsb!
Up Up & Awaiy!!!!
Tis noo toy!!!
Kitteh gonna be reel disappoynted wen him finz owt iz a GUI!
Not to menshun that teh braid is his armpits hair.
ew ew ew!! brane bleech! brane bleech!
me next! ew ew ew!
I finkso I remember seein a comik lyk dat in “Mad” wunse.
*nods*
Many cultures that had no contact wif each others often camed up wif simular fairy stories and stuffs.
*piiks owt fru finners*
De gui wif de brayded armpit hare am ownlee a fairy tayl?
R u shur?
Cuz I hadda skeered.
Most fairy tales has some basis in reality, but donot worry.
But just to be safes, when u meets new mens for dating and stuff, check teh bottoms of their sleeves for telltale braid ends.
Ifinks dat wii shud bee res cue in dose poo babbehs hares dat haf to lib in sum wins army pitz! Dat nawt seem lik a berry gud wae to lib …
um…uhhhh……
Sanctuary! Teh kitteh is really a Quasimodo, ringing bells at deh Notre Dame
Luk – itz a pikshor frum anuther ICHC fayree tayle! (Sorta lyke Fractured Fairy Tales.)
Teh Princess and teh Tabby!
So, ifn iz ICHC Frakshured Fairee Tayle, wud it be cawled, teh ICHC Slitelee Borked Fairee Tayle?
Yesh, yesh – gud kawl! Just anuther goodie brot too yoo by ICHC Low-Budget Theatre Produkshuns, LLC.
Apologies in advance to LCB and any other peeps who don’t like shaggy dog stories…
The city-state of San Giovanni was blessed with one of the finest cathedrals of its time. Pilgrims traveled from every corner of the known world in order to witness its splendor, and all San Giovanni’s citizenry took pride in the miracle that they were so fortunate to coexist with.
Was it the alabastar masonry, taking well over a hundred years to complete that drew such attention? Or the unparalleled splendor of its wooden carvings that invoked such divine wonder? No.
Nor was it the dark and mighty gargoyles that struck fear in the hearts of the bravest men, nor was it the stained glass windows from on high that inspired spirits to soar into the heavenly skies. Any of these features would be worthy of such pilgrimages, but they all frankly paled in comparison to the one true blessing brought unto this holy place.
It was the bells that drew such magnificent crowds. For the bells of San Giovanni carried a melody that no other earthly machine could evoke. When the bells of San Giovanni sang unto the people of the land, all work ceased. All arguments were put to the side. All lovemaking paused. That music crafted by those bells may well have been carried by the angels themselves. And no one person in the known lands who called him or herself spiritual would ever deny themselves to go through their mortal days without at least once witnessing the glory of the bells.
And for fifty-three years, since the very day the bells were first rung, only one man was given the task of bell ringer. And when he finally passed away, the nation mourned. But it was not long before whispers began of who would ring the bells? And these whispers soon became shouts! And the Archbishop of San Giovanni knew something would have to be done, or the despair would be great. And so he began to pray.
Just then, a man who was without arms approached the cathedral guards begging for audience with the Archbishop. The Archbishop waved the man inside to his chamber to give such audience.
The armless man went down to one knee and pleaded, “Your eminence, I am at your mercy and beg you. I have 5 children and no means of trade. I ask of you please, may I be your bell-ringer.”
“But my son, you have no arms! How can you possibly ring the bell?”
“Think not of the details, your eminence. Just please lead me to your belfry and I shall prove my worth to you.”
The Archbishop sighed, for he seemed to have no other recourse. So, he led the man without arms up to the belfry and granted him his chance.
The armless man took one step back…two steps back…three steps back…and ran head-first into the bell!
And reader, in 53 years of the cathedral’s existance, there was no finer sound to echo from the belfry chamber. The bells rung with such force and such glory that birds forgot their song, knowing well they could never outdo such a performance.
This time the Archbishop was on his knees before the now dazed, armless man and said, “My son, do you think you could do this every Sunday?”
The armless man answered, “Yes, may I please have this job?”
The Archbishop, of course, agreed.
That Sunday, the crowds came in record numbers to witness the miracle that took place earlier that week. And the man without any arms was not one to disappoint. Up in the belfry, he took one step back…two steps back…three steps back…and ran head first into the bell. BONG!!! The sounds took on light, rushing through the astounded audience.
Once again, the armless man took one step back…two steps back…three steps back…and ran head first into the bell. BONNGG!!!! And now the music took on form and drove the worshippers into epiphanal joy.
But not to be outdone, the bell ringer took one step back…two steps back…three steps back…four steps back, which was unfortunate, as the belfry was only three paces wide. And so he fell unto the cobblestone floor to his immediate death.
The next day, the local police inspector came to witness the scene of the tragedy. He approached the office of the Archbishop and asked his eminence, “What was his name?”
The Archbishop answered, “I don’t know…
But his face sure rings a bell.”
*groan*
*heddesk*xelebenty
U hazza funnee Maus!
*snerk X elebenty*
maus, yoo can putting me on teh list ob peeples hoo LUV yor storeez!! i fink i eben herd wun liek dis before but it wuz still funny!! always wurf teh payoff.
After the armless died his twin brudder, also no arms showed up to take over as bell ringer. The Archbishop sed “not a chants, we had pretty bad luck wid yer brudder” But the younger brother insisted that he be allowed to be bell ringer as a tribute to his fallen sibling and the Archbishop relented. The young man climbed up to belfry and rang the bell with his face seberal times but on the next tolling of the big bell he slipped in a pile of pidgeon poop an hurtled to his death. The crowd gathered and began asking who is this? The Archbishop could only say “I never got his name but he’s a dead ringer for his brudder”
ay yi yi…. *heddesk*
Ooh! LBT Fairy Tales! Like:
Jack and teh Celery Stalk
Teh Average-Looking Rubber Ducky
Slush Gray and teh
SevenFour Short GuysDrowsy Average-looking Girl
Medium-sized Pink Hoodie…
teh dark blond haired person and teh beer…
Central-air-ella, or Teh Size 5 Running Shue.
Kitteh in slippers…
Teh nawt eggzaklee fuglee girl an teh nawt berry nies persun
teh under-dukes cuzzin (three times removed) and teh gumball…
Aladdin an teh teelite
I’ll play teh 40 plagiarists in that one!
Goal Delux an the tree beers…
Izzat teh one whare she gets drowsy and is somewhat revived by Elebentieth-in-Line-to-the-Throne Slightly Charismatic Guy when he gives her a high-five?
Yuppers! She got drowsy after getting a paper cut…
But first the guy had to mow her front lawn…
Our insurances won’t cover cuts or any breaking of teh skin. Can she get drowsy after stubbing her toe insted?
How about breaking a fingernail?
Well, I’ll run that by our underwriters, but they might need to add a broken nail clause to our policy.
Or mite that be a broken nail claws?
Run it by teh emery board. . . .
An tehn puts it in teh nail file…
but but but no insurance?
dusn’t he have to, um, pacify an irritated lizard?
No, but we duz has to please a weasel! Or wuz that, tease a weasel?
skweeze a teezle?
teh Medium-Size Gurl wif Flippers an a Snorkle
teh Seven trips rownd the block uv Sinbad
Jak an Teh Bean Sprouts
Deh 3 Average Guinness Piggehz adn deh Littlol Syko Chiwawa
Snow White Wine & Rose’ Red
(aka the Drunk Sisters)
rocky adn bullwinkle ref ftw!
I has a beenie baby Fractured Fairy Tales Fairy on my windowsill in my offis. I also has Natasha holding a bom, but that is at home.
whassa bom? (ai haz a cormfoozld)
(bomb) (one ob those rownd black wuns wif teh fyooz hanging owt ob liek in teh kartoonz, i assoom)
They was available at teh CVS about elebenty years ago when teh live action Rocky and Bullwinkles movie camed out. They was teh cheap, so they was pretty much all picked over, but I like my fairy tale fairy and teh bom(b), which yes, is round and wif a big fuse onnit.
“I send shpy wiff packidge which is liddleabomb,
Door gits locked, she kaint git out, who gits blown up? … ME!”
I cumz up, noms your braynes…
Dat cowch is teh awesumm.
Guies, I has nownse-mint.
Az y’all mite oar mite nawt kno, I has his-tree of Melanoma, witch iz teh Skin Cansur. I has had it fwee tymes, so I has to go see Dr SkinCat ebery 6 munfs an him duz full-bodee skin czech. (I dunno witch wun of us enjoyz dat moar – me oar him.
)
Ennyway, I saw Dr SkinCat dis past Caturday an him tuuk tisshoo samplol of a spot awn my belleh, neer my belleh-button.
Got teh biopsee rezults erlyur 2day – I has dysplastik sells agin, witch meens funkee sells dat mebbe become canser if nawt remoobed.
Dis meens moar cuttin. Carp.
I go see Dr SkinCat agin awn teh 24th of April, so him kin tayk moar tisshoo an hoapfullee get rid of awl teh pleh sells.
Oh noes, we hopes to git rid of pleh sells!
*puts lazors on hi, poynts them at funky sells; sets settings on hi*
Oh red, dats tuff. Ai’ll keep ebbrifing crost fur a gud owtcum.
{{{{{{{{{{rhsb & lcb}}}}}}}}}}
.
Ai has histree uv cansers too. Nawt fur long tiem, tho. Hope awl goings well fur yu bofe an teh pleh cells will nawt coming back!
.
BOOOOO to teh pleh cells!
{{{{Red}}}}
Perhaps I can whip up an Ebil Anti-Melanoma Potion or something…
Yes, plz.
I’m tyred of habbin to get cutted awn.
Listen, u pleh cells! U leave teh Cheezpeeps alone! *shakes fist* I mean it!
If I can piggyback on this, I has some abby normal cells also, in teh place where I hads teh smoky-surgery in October. They is teh low-grade whereas they was teh hi-grade before my surgery, so Dr. TinyCat wants to wait until July to test again. If he’s not worried I guess I shouldn’t worry, but meanwhiles I is gonna be teh extry nervous.
o noze! {{{{rhsb an lcb}}}} finkin gud fowts fer u boff *beemsbeemsbeems*
Oh my! *shayks paw at nasty cells* Hoo do yoo think yoo ar, buggin owr LCB too!?
*sends out a hit man to “tayk kayr of” those abby normal cells*
{{{{{LCB}}}}} oh tohse nasty abby normal cells!
yesh, ifinkso if teh doctor iznt wurried yoo prolly dont need to, but if teh wayting iz hard mebbee yoo shuld talk to him agin, tell him yoo duznt liek wayting, diskus wif him why wayting iz okay/teh right fing to do. yoo not wants to drive yorself krazy wurrying! {{{{{LCB}}}}}
ai sending u boaf happee thotz adn lotsa heeling {{{rhsb }}} {{{ lcb }}}.
I sending gud thotz tu bof uv uz guize.
{{{rhsb}}} {{{{{LCB}}}}}
I wishes dere were no cancerz. Ennee wairz. It b a meen and uglee fing.
*crossiz fingurs an toes an legs an arms an eyes an genrallee ties self intu a pretzel*
Stoopy displastik sells an abby normul sells… go ‘way an be leebing owr frenz aloan!!! Go bug sumwun stoopy an abby normal an nawt-nyse an hurtful tu pik awn an leeb owr lubabul peeps aloan!!
{{{lcb}}} ekstra beems of goodniss comin ur way
{{{{red}}}}
Ai’l b finkin ob u adn b holding fums & toes adn ebrifing holdabol!!! Pleez tu let us noes hao et goes?!
Oh, adn fink teh hapi adn positiv fots!!
Dat’s beta…..!
{{{red}}} {{{lcb}}}
*shews pointee ends to pleh cells*
{{{{{rhsb}}}}} prayrz an gud wishes to get rids ob teh bad cells. yoo iz doing teh right fing to stay on top ob teh sitchewayshun an not let teh bad cells do tehr ebilness. iz not gud or eezy to go throo, but iz worf it. {{{{{rhsb}}}}} sownds liek teehs cellz are pre-cansurus? tehn yoo haz cotted tehm – taht iz gud!
{{{awl mai cheezy darlings}}}
{{{{red}}}} and {{{{lcb}}}} and pbbbbbt to teh bad cells
{{{rhsb}}} Sendin happi thots
Kitteh: Is this teh deener bell? I rings it, just in cayse . . .
Can’t you read the sign?
Whut sine?
‘bell owt uv orderz, pleez pik teh lok wif ur pointee endz’?
:snerk: Something like that…
*piks lock, puts teh bell back in order, unpicks lock*
bravissimo LCB!!!
That’s an impressive braid… might be longer than mine!
iz maibe longer dan myne tew – but mai Tira kitteh LUBS mai hayr!! alwais want tew plai wif it, eben wayks mii up at nite, plaiing wif mai hayrs…
kitteh sez ‘naow, iffen ai canh find teh skizzers wi wil haz a luvley donashun fer teh Locks uv Love peeplez’!
They would take one look at my hares and gibs ME a donation!
I think there’s to many cats on the web… What did we do to deserve this!!!!!
Melvin Durable
melvindurable@gmail.com
heerz burfday fairy to wish teh big HAPPEE BURFDAY to all teh cheezfrenz, lolfrenz, noofrenz, an lurkurfrenz hoo haz tehr burfdays today!! inklooding Natalie, Erndea, Blondy13, an Kittyboocat!! an teh kittehs, goggies, an ovver furry frenz too!! i haz bringed hommaed fudjy burfday caeks, an also yello butter caek wif crunchy topping an fresh strwrberreez an wippy kreem!! wif fizzyfrooty party punch, poynty shiny party hats wif pompoms on tehm, an a life-size game ob wakk-a-troll!! (sum ob teh trolz at teh facktree haz had gud behavyor an erned a day owtdoors!!
) an treets for teh furry burfday aminlols. an goodie bags filld wif colur-it-yorself storybooks starring kittehs!! an boxes ob crayn in elebenty-six brillyent colurs!! also liddle puzzles wher yoo roll teh liddle ballz arownd to get them in the holez, kandeez, an skweeky bebbeh zombie dollz!! an a big swish ob teh burfday wand for making all yor burfday wishes com troo!!
———-***¤¤¤¤жжжж٭٭*******¤¤¤¤жжжж٭٭*******¤¤¤¤жжжж٭٭****
*skweezes bebbeh zombie doll*
*Braaaaaaaiiiiiiinskweek!*
:snerk:
akshewally,
*Braaaaaaaiiiiiiinskweek!*
Yay! Fank u birfdai fairy! cullering buuks!! crayonz! wif bilt in sharpnerz (ai luved tohse!) skweeky zombee dollz!!
*skweekskweekskweekskweekskweekskweek*
.
Happee birfdai tew awl u birfdai peeps!
Fanks burfday fairy!
*noms yellow caek*
Happy burfday everywun!
yello butter caek wif crunchy topping an fresh strwrberreez an wippy kreem!! YUM! Fank yu burfdai fairy!
**wispurs** Um, wut wud wun yewz fur wakkin teh trolls, if wun wantid tu partisapa, partusoupapa, um, play dat game?
A troll-wacker, ob corse!
Ai’m a gurl, Maus!!
Gurlz nawt hab dose!
*falls orf chayr*
**Halpz gremlin bak up awnna chayr**
**offurs duck fud tu gammacat**
Ohai guise!
Thanks, Parrothead!
And as I sed upthred, better to be kwakked up than to be kwakked-down!
No, no, no! A Black & Decker Troll Wacker. Wif electric or gas motor. Proly find wun at teh Hoem Deepoo er Lowes er somewhere…
Wow, lectric oar gas motor? I onlee gnu they came wif battrees.
Srsly, duz it hurt teh trollz? Dis seemz a liddlol inhyewmain tu me.
** eeck breaks owt frum under a pile uv bockses **
Free at last!!
Free at last !!
Thank CC almighty,I’m free from the project from-u-know-where at last !!!!
eeck! Fank gudness yur otay! Ai sew happee tu see yu!
**Dans Dans Dans**
**jazz talons**
Hao did yu eeescaype?
eeck!!!
*scampers to eeck wifakwikness*
*hedbonks & schmoo*
** gibs gamma hedbonks rite back **
Ai HAYTES bein awai frum heer…u awl mayke me so happee!
By disguising herself as a Spherical Canvas Box, I presume…
** snerk **
Anyfing to get owta werk….
Diddint eeescaype,reely…..
jus FINALLY finished a very lawwwnnnggg box quote for one uv our biggest customers ( ai werks at a box company )
Took me a whole week-week-week.
Harumph!
“Hey…I didn’t get a Harumph outta that guy…”
Blazing Saddles ref ftw!!! (ai lubs dat moovie)
Me,too….
A couple uv us heer at werk liek to go arownd reciting lines from Blazing S.
“wilkommen,bienvenue,welcome…come on in!”
“Oh. How… Ordinawy.”
“Iz Bismark a hewwing?”
“What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin’ on here?!”
“are you in showbusiness, cowboy? Well get your godd*** feet off the stage”
“But where would I find such a man……… Why am I asking you?”
“My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention. “
“Scuse me while I whip this out…”
Gotta go guys! I’m takin Mrs. Maus up to Philly. She’s getting her sound processor unit today. Inna coupla hours she will has her BIONIC EAR! Yaaaaay!
Hazza sayfe trip Maus an Mrs. Maus!
‘have fun storming the castle’
Yaaay??
Won’t she be able to heer everfing u say under yer breath nao??
8)
Wow, jazz talons – I has nawt seen that wun befoar!
Jazz talons, FTW!
oh, iz okay. tehy’z trolz, so if yoo only wakks tehm on teh hed, tehy wont notiss.
just be kareful not to step on tehm’s toez.
OFankeez Burfday Fairy! Ai wuz habbin a wurree! **goes tu hoem deepoo tu git whacker**
PUBLIK SURBIS ANNOWNCMINT!
Hoem DeePoo (at leest in Birginia) iz habbin a majur jinnural sayle on mulch till tomorrow onlee – 1/2 price – $1.28/bag. Limit 20 bags.
Sawree, ai jist seed dis inna papur an had a eggcited!
Itz teh liddlol fings dat mayke me happee.
Nebbur mind.
Dat’s okai !!!
Teh flowers & plants make me happee,too !!
Weez had sew mush rayne in Birginia, awl teh tymez ai cud be mulshin oar wurkin in mai yard, ai hadda bee insyde and den ai hab no eggskewz nawt to bee cleening! Pleh cleening teh haus! Dis weekin sposed tu be nyce (if dis rayne ebur stawps tuday) sew ai kin be in teh yard! Yay!
Hooray fur being in deh yard and making deh flowerz bloom and habbing deh happee budderflyz and burdeez and bunneez!!!
Ocweenmj, yu shud sea wut lublee kreeshur bisitz mai yard! Izza albino skunk! We stay berry far awai frum him, butt he iz sew prittee!
ooo – wii kan haz pikshure?? ai lieks teh stunks, dey b bery prittee…
Ai not habs a yard..libs in an apartment.
Ai has a balcony,tho….mebbe could put sum planters owt dere.
Ai luks owt onto a nice courtyard…can’t wait for teh crabapple trees to bloom…such a pretty pink!
**nodz** Planterz, yesh! Dat wud be berry prittee! An berry eezy!
Ai keeps wanting tu – we also haz partmint, wif balconee – but sumhao, neber get rown tu it, an ai wud problee kill ennyfing ai plant ennyway. Ai bedderer wif fauna tehn flora, aifinkso!
mmm…..mulch…..
*Homer Simpson stylee*
lol and lol and lol and lol…
but nawt too charming…..
Gud wun Kazzie!
Luk owt! Yu pulls musch harder and teh hoomin on teh other end wil fall ovur teh cowch and mash you!
Prince? Yu singz teh “Purr-pull Rane”?
Mai Prince? Yu singz teh “Purr-pull Rane”?
Ah has long hare uf dat same culer! Inna braid! AND a kitteh hoo clambs it! But nawt DAT kitteh.