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We haz ur wife hostge… Bing 10,ooo cheezburgers to LOLcat hedqurterz by midnite… Or u wil nvr c her agn
i wont return ur hamster either if i dont git mah cheezburgers.
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: MrsDuckypin
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Cheezburger Company Blog
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Huzbing iz finkin `bowt it
Huzbing sayz, how mush tew keep her?
`bentchoolee kitthz wilpai him 2 taek hur bakk!
“Ransom of Red Chief” FTW!
Huzban an kitteh missin. REWARD FUR KITTEH!!!
The shed entrance of course. I IS a temporary entrance. Ahh, the life of an agent..so fun!!!!!!
Hehe. “Ur munny or ur wife!”
“Umm…”
just what i was thinking, annipuss!! I’m laughing my butt off at your comment!
huzbing is goin teh fite bck?
wyf sez:s’ok – tayks yur tym!
Bloo eye blak kitteh – WANT! Splort!
Oh, deer, heer cumz teh CCC
*sweep up PH’s branes an rinse dem wiv spring water*
*pakk dem bakk in teh hedd an replaes hed bonez*
*fassen wiv dukky taep *
*snap awn a nyoo CHRG(wdoi)*
*Leed bictim to teh splort recubbery lownj and wrap inna floofy cheezpeepl map blankie an gib sum hawt choklit an a choklitt possum*
Dere, rest a while an doan’t luk at teh pikchoor wivout ur purrtektib gogglez.
iz tat a poim?
Oh noes! Parrothead is down!
**skoops up braynes, rinses em awf in sparklee waddur**
**Plops! bak inna hed**
**Puts bavvin cap awn**
**Wrap wrap wrap wif ducky taype**
**SNAP awn CHRG**
**wraps in blankee**
Wud u lyk sum hawt choklit oar coffee? I gots sum brewin.
Oh, an heers sum choklit to nom awn. Gud foar wut ails ya.
Plz to be restin foar a whiel an u shud be fien.
Dubbul save! Ai feel sew mush dubblee beddur! **Noms chokklit, sipz hawt drinks** Fank yew cheezfrens! Ai yewsta hab a black kitteh wif teh bloo eyes! **tightens CHRG**
O, teh huje manatee!!!
Slander! I’d never kidnap someone and ask for a cheeseburger ransom! I’d ask for shrimp kabobs, so there!
:blush: sowwy Hugh! ai’ll neber does it agin…
manatie? wie a manatie?
Minions ov BC haz hired a orinj an wite phlonquais!
U sez ‘phlonquaiz’, I sez ‘Hedcat’!
**Snert!!** Ohai yur madg justee! Yew habbin a gud mornin?
oh hai, parrothead!! i b ok. how u??
Mornin, cween!
Want sum coffee an cake? Wii is habbin it down thred.
Honey, it’s going to be cold tonight. Put another cat or two on the bed.
it’s getting cold agin heer in TTI. Me an Amber is snuggeld uuner a blankie awn teh sofah
Wii cud awlways tell when Josie gotted cold. Wii wud feel hur root her way unner teh blankets.
Nuffin lyk a kitteh to snorgle wen its cold owt!
This time of year, my two kittehs cuddle up with me at night, and then when I get up, they look rather put out and then go cuddle up with the heating vent. As soon as I lie down or sit down again, they leave the heating vent and cuddle up with me.
I don’t know if the heating vent is a substitute for me or I am a substitute for the heating vent, but all is well regardless.
Ah, true! Good logic, thanks!
**spontaneously recubberz frum splort – medicual myrakul**
Ohai rhsb! Ai know wut today iz! **nose teh partee is tamarra but can’t wayte** Burfday schmoos to yew! **schmoo schmoo** Happee happee day ov yur burf! {{{{rhsb}}}}
**blushes**
Fanks, Parrothead.
Happy birthday rhsb!!!! Shmoos from Hugh!
Fanks Hugh!
I can come libs wif u inna Carry-bean until May or so? Iz cold heer in KY.
Of course you can! Don’t forget your sunglasses!
YAY!!!!
I’m awn my way.
**paks sunglasses, sunskreen, t-shirts, shorts, swimsuit, flip-flops**
sownd lyk yew will be oberdressed, der, rhsb!
.
*schmoos* awn yr birfdai (habin dentix typ stuff dun tewmorrow, sew may not make da par-TEA!)
Oh noes, BDM!
Wii kin partee today, too.
Wanna danse wif me? I’ve got cd playin at teh bottom of thred.
Ai has to miss teh partee too, unforchunitly. Has meeting in midlol of teh day an ai has to do teh presi… prez.. ai has tu leed it.
.
Has a berry berry happitayl birfday, rhsb, an menny happitayl returnses as well.
Hippo Birdie to you, rhsb!
I will probably be at werk for ur partay, so I sendz my wishez nows.
Happytail to you!
Ohai, AC!
Iz Tammy teh caliko-spotted wun? Hur iz teh purty. Reminz me of my Josie.
**slitelee snifs** I miss my kitteh.
Yus, she b teh caliko-gurl. She sends purrs an nose-kisses! {{{{{rhsb}}}}}
meh kitteh alwys sleps whith meh… an puurs alot.
hahaha, tayk mai wyf i dont needz her anywayz xD
Rodney Dangerfield! FTW!!!
xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD….. :p :p :p :p
:-p
Awlright, Cheezy-peeps, teh coffee iz reddy!
Who wants sum?
I gots shugar, haff-an-haff an Moka Jo mix (so u kin make ur own Moka coffees).
**Puts owt tray**
Halp urselves!
**Poorz cup, luks a kyureeus at Moka Jo*** Iz dat made frum reel jo’s?
No sillee, iz lyk hawt choklit mix.
Iz gud stuffs, truszt me.
Okay den! **dumps whole bawkz ov Moka Jo intew her cawfee, stirz fyewreeuslee** **gits cubbered wif Moka Jo dust** **sneezes a few times**
**mutters sumfin unner her bref abowt greedy peeplols an goes to get moar Moka Jo mix**
**follows rhsb, trackin moka jo dusts an fedders eberywhere** **achoo**
**grabs seltzer bottlol from Maus’ stash an sprays teh sillee burd**
WHOOSH!!!!
Hay datz cold! **throws sum moka jo paste at rhsb**
**ducks in tiem an sprays teh burd’s feet**
WHOOSH!!!!
*runz inn,skidz inna moka jo paste awn floor, skramblez madlee lyke a spazmo kitteh*
.
Happee birfdai rhsb!!!
Fanks, BF!
U keepin warms? U in Noo Ingerland, izznt u?
yesh, ai iz an iz nawt nyce dai at awl
teh temp iz goin daown an teh sno iz pylin up.
a cupple uv dais ago wuz -15 wen ai gut owt uv wurk, blarg!
Och lassie! Cud ah hav mah kawfee wiv a wee dram?
O, an by de wee, HAPPY BIRFDAY!!! Och AYE!!!
No problem. Teh alkyhawl iz inna cabnit.
ooohh… teh brogue…
*swoon*
*Sean Connery lookalike fans leeza gently* There there lass, tis awl rite!
too early in t’ marnin here for me to withstand teh brogue, u knows.
*feigns halplessness*
**gibs leeza coffee**
Heer, dis mite halp.
sowry, can’t have cawfee… dr’s orders.
*continues to feign halplessness in teh Sean Connery lookalike’s arms*
NO CAWFEE???
Oh noes.
I nawt kin has cawfee tomorrow moarnin. Gonna see teh vampyres an get blud took. Pleh.
Hmmm… ai dunno y ai talks laik dat sumtymes, ai iznt eben Skawteesh! mebbe ai haz teh secret Gaelic ansestor ai didn kno abowt.
Ai lubs teh kilts an teh bagpipes, but ai draw teh line at Haggis! EW!!!
Africat! ur not sposed to tell me that!
*wanders off disillooshuned*
OOOHHH!! I awlmoast forgotted!
RED VELVET CAKE!
**goes an gets cake**
Heer! BREKKIE OV CHAMPYUNS!!!!
***takes hugh-g piece ov cake*** nom nom nom. Yummy! Hay, yew nawt supposed to be servin, we shud be servun yew! ***Luks arownd kitchin** Yew would lyk cinnamon cawfee, or hawt chokklit, or diet coke, or graypefroot joos, an to go wif dat sum speshul resipee shugar cookees, oar sum hawt biskitts fresh outta teh ovin, an teh baakin iz almost done, an ai am gittin teh eggz reddy….wuz yur plezure?
Well, okay….
Ifn deres enny cake left, I wanna beeg peece! Iz my favrit.
Mahm maded it, too. YUM!
Wun of dese dayz, I tell you hao I awlmoast burnded teh howse down whiel makin my oan birfday cake.
Ai lubs de Red Velvet Caek. Tanks, RHSB!
*noms liddul peace ob caek*
Ai onlee want liddul for de egg-salad tayst. Haz alreedy eeted deh brekkie.
I maeded cimonon roles dis morning. Iz plentee fer cheezpeeps to share.
Ohai, MomCatAnna!
Fanks foar nawt bein piggee abowt teh cake.
Unlyk SUM peeplols! **luuks at crazee Moka-Jo-mud-cubbered burd**
Kittehz juss wantz a
Beeg Wawrm wiff Prittee Wun. Knoez
teemwurkz willz sukkseed!
Kittehz habz Happeh
wiff noo Speshull Playss. Planz
awn stayeengz awyle
Prittee Wun habz t3h
reemoat. Mebbee turnz awn ‘T3h
Amminul Plannet’?!!
Jack.
Awwwww :d
Whut cud be bedder? A Snuggle awn sofa wiv Kittehs, an watchin cyoot fings awn Animlol plaannit
Yayyyyy! Jack does it agen . @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@elebenty
‘ello tidmum! How u is?
Yesh, Jack: yuu alwaiys hazzit rite aown teh munnee!!!
@@@@@@@@@@@!!!!
**Cutz rhsb extree-larj peace ov cake, pourz frech cawfee fur her** Here yew go, injoy! **Pours self fresch cawfee wif no moka jo (tew messee), sitz beside rhsb.** Tel me now, tell me now! I gotz nuttin tew dew but go to growshewree store later. Iz dey cawlin fur snow in KY? We mite git sum here lateur, dey say. Nawt mush.
I was probably turning 14 that year. Mom was very sick with the flu and told me, “If you want a birthday cake, you’re gonna have to make it yourself this year.”
So, I find a recipe and get to cooking.
The recipe called for flour, but didn’t specify what kind (baking or self-rising), so I used what was in the canister – self rising.
I pour the batter into to round pans and put them in the oven to bake.
As the cakes began baking, the batter began to rise – in the pans that obviously weren’t deep enough. The batter rose, and then spilled over the edges.
Onto the heating element in the bottom of the oven.
Then little flames started rising up from the burning batter.
Then smoke began pouring out of the vent.
Smoke began filling the house.
The smoke detectors went off. We had to open windows – in the middle of January! There was snow on the ground and it was COLD outside!
We couldn’t open the oven because the “safety” feature of the self-cleaning oven causes it to lock if the inside temperature gets to a certain point.
All we could do was turn off the oven, open the windows, and wait.
We’re probably supposed to laugh, but I felt so sad for you!
I could totally see the self-rising thing happening too. I could see that
happening to me now, and I’m 43.
But not too bright. *snurt*
Taht heppined tuu me wun tiem wif a meetlofe;
Teh greese frum teh meet spilled oaver frum teh roawster awntuu teh heeting elehmint:
Mai liddol boi wuz bowt 4 yeers auld; hims sez:
“Mommee, teh ovvins awn fyre!!!”
Kynda annoiyeded, Ai tolded hims tuu staupp kydding arownd; tehn Ai luuked thru teh glasss ovvin windoe adn sawed teh flaymes shuuting up;
Ai sed: “AAAAAARRRRGGGH”, turneded aowf teh ovvin, wautched teh flaymes dye daown, adn hadded a mehltdaown maiseylfe!!!!
I nawt heered teh wevver report yet, but dere iz a littlol bit of snow awn the sides of teh rode. Musta snowed last nite.
I’m bein lazee an stayin hoam today! No goin owt inna cold, unless iz so haz a siggy (dat I gotta kwit smokin soon).
Iz gud dai tew stai innsyde heer, sno sno sno blargitty blarg sno!!
Dew Nawt Want!!!!
Truszt me, I knoes teh feline.
Wii had cold temps teh uther day dat wii nawt has foar ober 8 yeers!
Speekin of witch, I’m gonna venchur owtside foar a minnit.
BBL.
poo. just mist u red, but…
*leaves HAPPY BRIFDAI message for when she gets bak*
**comes bak in, nose an cheeks red, shibberin**
Ohai, Leeza! Fanks.
there u is!
still cold? I wuz gonna hike today, but then it started sleeting….
Iz nawt az bad az it has been, but I’m reddy foar teh 70 degree stuffs.
*wisspurrs*
i has a secrut hoaw to get rid ub teh siggy interrrust.
wunna noe?
**sitting wif mouf opin, speeshliss**
**rolls on floor, laffin**
**makes note tew self – do nawt let rhsb bake**
Hay! I’m gud at bakin NOW! Dat wuz…… 42 minus 14 iz….iz too erlee foar mafs.
I’m better at bakin tahn I am at cookin.
*whispurrs* 28, dear!
Oh CC!! Teh dotter is up an wantz teh ‘pewtur. Ai will be back awn latur! Gud mornins tew awl!
See ya layturs, PH.
Go kleen ur fevvers. U luuk a mess.
(and you may say to yourself) This is not my beautiful wife!
Talkin Heds ref, FTW!
I lubs dat sawng.
[switches on the amp & twinkly synth arpeggiator]
Letting the days go bye… na na na na
Time isn’t holding up — time isn’t after us. Same as it ever was.
…same as it ever was…
but plz not to let teh water hold me down
kthxnowaterbording!
no FAIR. I don’t want to laugh at this!
And you may say to yourself, my God, what have I done?!
*ponders*
nope sowry, hafta laugh!!
.
Am I right? …am I wrong?
Ohai, Theo. Didn’t u useta be Teho? I hasn’t seen u inna goggie’s age. Nice to has u bak.
Still am. http://www.teho.vox.com
I went pro, though.
um……… you can keep that one, I’ll find a new one.
**narrows eies**
Iz u my soon-to-be ex?
**puts cd in player, turns it up an begins dansin in room**
I LOVE havin teh howse to myself!
Jus mite need dat fyretruk to come an get meeeee…
And if you say this life aint good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
Cause youre so smooth
And just like the ocean under the moon
Well thats the same emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin that can be so smooth
Gimme your heart make it real
Or else forget about it
Dis be my noo theem song soon, I hoap:
.
.
All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
And you don’t belong to me yea yea
Freedom,
Freedom,
Freedom
Wen ai was gettin diborsed, mai feem sawng was REO Speedwagon’s Time for Me to Fly.
**finkin to hurself**
Gud fing nobodee kin see me dansin. I prolly luuk lyk I’m habbin mussle spazms! LOL
Naw! Yew dans beautimauslee!
*bluses*
Fanks, BDM.
Okay, iz tiem foar REDHED dans!
Awl redheds onna floor!
*dansdansdandsdans*
**cranks up Nikklolbak**
We goin till teh whirld stawps turnin
Whiel we burn it to teh grown tonite
Yeah for howse to ownleeself!
Mai kidlets iz getting big enuff dat dis happens moar offen noaw.
Sumtiems Ai tink deh hardest part of bee-in a pairent iz de lak ub privacee.
Happeetayles birfday to ewe in advans, rhsb! Ai mai not be on-lyne tomorroaw.
Fanks,, MomCatAnna!
Ackshully, today iz my birfday but teh beeg partee is 2moorow.
happytayle burfdae too yoo,
happytayle burfdae too yoo!
happytayle burfdae, deer RHSB,
happytayle burfdae too yooooooooo!!
hi rhsb!!! i kno tomorrow is teh offishul party but today iz yor burfday an are yoo reddy for yor big burfday wish?
Ohai, burfday fairy!
To kwote a fren: YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!!!!
okay tehn!!!!
*burfday fairy flits ober to rhsb*
*she takes rhsb by teh hand an flit flit flit eskorts rhsb ober to teh Nawty Barn*
*teh nawty Barn iz decoramayted wif manee graet big baloloons an a big sine saying HAPPEE BURFDAY RHSB!!!1!!!*
*tehr are being smaller sines saying “reserbed for rhsb an hurz speshul burfday surprize*
**hezza eggsited**
Iz teh faynin cowch reddy?
yes, teh fayntin cowch iz all reddy, ifinkso kimkiwi gotted all teh YNGs re-capshured in time or if not hur haz hired a fyoo firemanz to fill in (but ifinkso yoo are not going to be ebe luking at YNGs an firemanz!!!)
yoo will start in teh Nawty Barn, kan stays tehr if yoo wants, but i haz also reserbed ovver fasiliteez arownd cheezland for yor privit yoose, just luk for teh sines taht be saying RESERBED FOR RHSB AN HURZ BURFDAY WISH.
enjoy!!! happee burfday, deer rhsb, yoo deserbs it!!
*opens teh dore to teh nawty barn*
Fanks, Burfday Fairy!
U iz fulla AWESUM an WIN!
**luuks inside Nawty Barn**
*ringz liddle handz nerbusly, hoping her gotted it rite*
**sees burfday surpryze**
.
.
**is speechless**
.
.
**passes owt cold**
*watches az rhsb iz toted to teh fayntin cowch by a cupple ob YNGs*
*clozes teh dore to teh Nawty Barn*
well, taht may be teh last we be seeing ob rhsb for a wile, unless her desides to come owt an gib us progress reports evree wunse in a wile
Yew did a fabyewmus jawb burfday fairy!
**waitz and hopes rhsb will gib progress reports**
**hopes she will put awn robe furst**
**rhsb staggers in, luukin berry disheveled an haggard**
**hur hares is awl over teh playse, make-up is smudjed**
**hur it outta bref but warin a smilol dat nawt kwit**
.
.
Gatorade…gatorade….needs gatorade…
RHSB, ai admyres ur stamina!
wud prolly kill mee.
Ohai, tessm!
Fanks.
U kno teh sayin…were deres a will….deres a way….
or, where there is a will, there is a famblee argooment…
Jumps up on deh kitchen counter to hedbat rhsb
ohai rhsb
happeh birfdai!
psst is deh fainting couch fur me?
should I also bring mah invisiblol pearls?
is you planning to do sumfing scandulous?
:fans herself wid invisiblol fan?
*bats two_kittehs on teh hed wif teh burfday wand*
now, plz to be letting rhsb hab herz privacy. heer, yoo kan haz a sneek prevyoo ob todays burfday caek.
Ohai, 2_k.
Teh skandal an debawchuree….
U mite need moar pearls, aifinkso!
Oh nose, dat makez me fink uv ZZ Tawp sawng, NB iz reserbed, where will ai go? Wut will ai dew? An Rhett duznt gib a dam!
I kno wut sawng u tawlking abowt!
Ahhh…teh memrees it brings bak….
**heads bak to NB**
Ohai cheezpeeps! Ai iz back nao, awl cleened up! **wipes one linguring Moka Jo smudge awf talon** Dotter haz gone to sawftball practice, an ai tew haz howse to self! Dans Dans Dans! **Putz awn Jimmeee Buffitt CD**
Fruitcakes in the kitchen
Fruitcakes on the street
Struttin’ naked through the cross walk
In the middle of the week
Half baked cookies in the oven
Half baked people on the bus
There’s a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us
……..o dots!
Oh hai!!
.
Deh Cheez Town Cryer haz ben growing bai leepz adn boundz!! I postifying enneyfing wifin reezun related tu deh ICHC cummunity. Such thingz as races, partyz, condition uf sick peepz adn sick petz, cheezmeetz, eventz, etc. Mostly I b capchuring alla nowns mintz I b seeing in deh commintz. But I may missing sum. If u haz a nownsmint u b wanting postifyed, just sending a emayo tu
cweenmj@gmail.com
.
In addishun tu deh nownsmintz, I haz posted a bunch of helperz and majic triks. U will finding dem listed on deh rite side. In addishun tu deh strucshunz fur avatarz adn bloo names, u will finding help fur sneeking in deh bak doorz uv profilez wen Dr.Tinycat b werking on deh serverz, adn how tu sort owt deh ICHC tiyme kunundrum, adn making smileez and posting linkeez adn, adn, adn, ….. well, and lotza uzzer stuffz.
.
Adn I haz ebbreefing u needz tu noez tu gitting on deh Cheezpeepz Mapz. Adn how tu seeing awl deh mapz at wunst. Adn looking at deh street vuz. Adn speeking uv deh map, wii haz 351 peepz on deh map!!! Yay!!! If u b reeding dis adn u not b on deh map, u shud b!! sending mii deh emayo rite now!!!
.
And u will see I haz started a listing uv deh blogz bai deh cheezpeepz. If u b wanting ur blog listed, oar if I listinged u and u b wanting off deh list, sending deh emayo tu mii.
.
Deh Cheez Town Cryer b at
http://www.cheeztowncryer.wordpress.com
.
u will awlso finding sum uv deh eggsitement frum deh past linked in deh ICHC Lore adn Legends paige.
http://www.cheeztowncryer.wordpress.com/ichc-lore-adn-legendz/
.
Tank yew fur ur support!!
Cheez!!
Metablog is meta.
Fankz! I fixed deh link tu deh binglol card!
ohai, mai cween! iz nawt-sekkund tyme ai haz seen ur cheezblog, an it iz so full uv teh win and teh awsum! GRATE JOB!
Wifey there looks like she’s about 13…
… Must be Rural California.
on behalf of teh South, we fang q for not thinkin of us first.
**snert**
Hoopy Birfdae rhsb!
Eye knows eye is abit latte but ewe haves a Hippy Hoppy birfdae!
If yu reles her tat will be teh end of itz, but ifs you dont, i wil look for yu, i vill find yu, and i vill keel yu….ok mebbe not keel…….
Hostij me next!
Mussles cramp, can’t role aroun;
Luv bein held captiv
By fordyfyve pownz!
Hostij me next!
Reelly gotta pee, but don wanna move
Don dare disterb
Teh purrinz ov luv.
Hostij me next!
Can tanser teh fone
Don wanna ruffle
Teh warm kitteh zone.
Hostij me next!
Don send synpers or SWAT teem
Don open tuna
Don lettin a sunbeem!
Hostij me next!
If my feet are warm by tyme fur bed
Huzbin will pay yoo
Teh ransum yoo sed!
yay!! yay!! elebenty cheezburgers for yoo!!!
Outrage! A woman is being held hostage and no one is calling 911!!! What’s wrong with you people!! Have you no common decency!!?? You cruel, heartless
#$%^s!!!
I’m calling 911 and then I’m gonna report this crappy evil site for this outrage! You’ll all get it!!! You’ll all be sorrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee!!!!
*tosses off caretroll mask and runs like hell*
lol, they’ve got her good!
Oh noes, bring the cheesbrgers! So cute pelows!
KITTEH ATTACK LOL
Cute: Is a weapon on it’s own account.