BECOZ I’M YOUR MAMA
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
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Cheezburger Network Blog
got dat?
conga-rats on yer solo nawt-sekkun!
*dans dans twirl twirl*
W00t!! it b a solo tawp spawt!!! Calicocoa u rok!!
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I duz a dans in ur onner, tu!!
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*Putz on deh oldee…..
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Yur mama don’t dans adn ur daddy don’t rock adn roll.
*dansez deh dans dat embarrases deh kidz.
*wild flaying uv deh limbz
*shaking deh body
*gyrating dis-a way adn dat-a way!!!
w00t !!!!
Go cween go!
Shake wut ur mamma gibbed ya!
Grate song choyse, btw.
ofanks gamma adn kween! sawree ai dissuhpeerd. i doan’t hafta tel annybuddy heer waht it’z laik tuo needign ah nais napp. *yawn* *strtech evry vertebra adn ebvry kingk oaf mai floofy tayll. vwa-lah. nao i’z reddey tuo par-tae!!!
adn sinss tihs iz mai nawt-sekkind nawt sekund, aifinkso. ai’ll* treet awl uv *yew* tu sum nais slurpy redd wiane. lottz lefft frum lasst waine taystink. ai’z sayvd teh besstest foar uss cheezpeeps. kleen glasuz, tou. (kefful, whaite kittehz, tihs stuf *staynz*!!! Cheeritaylz!
*Stepz up tu deh cownter wif wiyne glass in hand.
waht’s yuor prefruns, yor madgestee? kaly4nya kabburnay, oztrylyin shurraz, oar tihs mysstry bottul? wanna snihff furst? meybeh dipp uh whyskrr? ai’z att yuor surrvis…
waht’s yuor prefruns, yor madgestee? kaly4nya kabburnay, oztrylyin shurraz, oar tihs mysstry bottul? wanna snihff furst? meybeh dipp uh whyskrr? ai’z att yuor surrvis…
*runs bai n dips blak wiskers in teh shurraz*
*liks wiskers*
Nommee!!!
yers. reel nommee. duyu knoe whai tehy cawllzit shurraz? cawz et SHURR AZ GUD!!!
An these pointy ends
I nawt wanna hasta tell you agin!
Yew mai not wanna, but I bet yer gonna haf to. Sigh. Pur mommies.
mommies iz angree sometimez :S
ohai noozilander. hao’s it wear yew iz?
U fink I’z tawkin fur mah helf?
No, I thot u wuz tawlkin to heer urself.
hee hee! i noo u wud bee heer checkin out teh wite kittehs, an i wur not disappointed!
*Kumz running up bhind deh dawnkee.
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———————————————— ☼
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*Gotcha!!!!
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*Runz away laffing.
*shakes hoof*
Uuuuuuu gunkeeeeeeee
Ha-ha!!!
how u b dis ebening, Kafleen??
Wii b dueing ok. sitting in deh kool, but not kold, flat, flat, flat, souf Texas koastal plainz.
my mom does this all the time
Now, young man, I have talked to you and talked to you and talked to you til I’m blue in the face and I’m done talking to you.
Good, does that mean you’re done spitting on me, too?
Shut up! I’m not done talking to you.
ya ever heard this one?
I have to tell you again I be using a weegee board (Ouija)!!!
mai granny had a way of gettin’ yer attention.
did she poke u wiff teh Ouija pin?
Mai brudder’s fren sez “Tihs haus runs unner a Bnyn diktaytership. If yu lyk, Ai can tayks awai teh *Bnyn*!”
now hoo’s ur daddeh?
Papa was a rollin stone….
I has Toby Keith eerwurm nao.
sowry!
Iz on teh way owt teh door.. if I’m bak, it’ll be LATE.
Haz a gud evnin, y’all!
Nite, Leeza.
teh felleh frum indianna, uh, hoosier daddeh?
**heddesk**
teenage kitteh onlee pretends to listen to mawm
Momcat is the boss of you.
I do wat I want.
Mahm! Romeow iz rebellin!
Runs owt teh kitteh door wif blak levver jacket slung ober one shoulder.
Doan wait up.
Yous nawt teh boss ob mees!!!
ummm-
hatez ta tell ya… but I IZ da boss ub u! whoo paiz fur feeden da teenage kitteh..rite? Ya wan fuds tanight…. u bedda doez whutz I tellz u…. n noez beeg sighen bout it!
momcat
ps- I fink I gotted mai profile bak… dunno whut happened…
as long az ur livvin unner MAI roof… eetin MAI fuds… etc, etc.
Ohai ohai ohai ohai.
*runs around in sirkleswib happityale to be seeink tessm*
as long as I hafta bathe yew, yer gonna live by mai rules!
Or my awl time fabrit: Az lawng az u libs unner my roof, u will abide by my rools.
pleh. Pleh. PLEH!!!!!
*hands red a martoonie to tayke awai deh plehs*
gotta run! meetin friends for a drink
Has wun (oar elebenty) foar me!
Ohai rhsb ai yust to gettid taht orl teh tiem frum mai mumkitteh. Nao wen hur and dadkitteh cum to bisit mai haws, ai can tell tehm teh saem tihng? Aifinkso not sumhao.
U kin try it, but I wuddnt put musch munnies awn dat werkin.
Gud Luk.
Ai donut noes. When tehy cum to mau haws tehy no has to put teh cloaths on hangurs til tehre be noes rooom on teh flor. Tehy kin put tehir footsies on teh cowch. Tehy kin stai up orl nite iffin tehy wonts.
Butt (ha ha) prolly not.
oh, ai happenz to KNOES taht KimKiwi’s howse iz teh wunnerful, and teh comfee, an haz teh lurveliest view and its very own bootiful cween Buddy! if u ever getz a chance to visit, tayke hur up onnit! but watch owt foar teh wallls whut jumpz owt in frunt uv ur car.
Yew is too too kined. Cween Buddy is on teh bed sleepink. Iz rainee and pleh heer todae. (Iz orlso 4pm nd ai still in pjamas cos iz havink lazee slof dae Caturdae)
I lubz tu haz deh lazy day in deh pjz. so relaxifying!!
ai agreez, sounz nyse! rayne iz gud exkyoos for pajama day!
Duz wii needs a neggskuce?
Ennee dai can be pajama day!!! Speshully wen yoo wurks at hoem, like ai does most ob teh time!!
Iz gud cos we haz teh rayne, teh funder nd teh litenink nd ai iz cosee wayrm nd snuggly in mai leppird-prynt jammies. Buddy iz hidink undur teh bed wib teh dustkittehs nd bunnehs.
ohai rhsb, did nawt seez ur version uv teh klassik parental line teh nawt-sekkund tyme ai red thru kommintz. sew sorree! we shud nawt hasta reed such fings twice.
“Yes Mam”
*snerk*
U wipe dat snerk off ur face,
or I’ll wipe it off for u.
Does this involve spitting into a tissue first?
Yis. Nd plenny of mamaspit.
hoapfullee wiffout teh ciggaret hanggingg frum teh moauf, laik granneekitteh useta du…
Nd hoepflee wehn teh spitink happins, teh teefies not flai owt of mauf (liek wot happind wib my grammakitteh)
hopfuli iz klen tishoe… nawt a useded wun…..
i iz a momcat derfour I alwaiz hab tishoes in mai pockeet, hab ta mak sur I uz klen wun ta wipez da facez.
momcat
eew eew eww!! brane bleech!
O hai, kimkiwi! Lissen, would u drop me a line sometime at lolcatburglar at gmail dot com? I wanna axe u something. kthxnoneofurbiznesstehrestofuguise
Otay. Ai does it nao.
(Duzzint meens ai liek yew, jist meens ai is obedjint)
Iz u wun uv LCBz phlonquaiz, tuu????
oar iz u now deh replaismeint fur GP???
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watch owt fur deh hedbatz!!
Ohai cweenmj – ai donut noes wot lcb wontz. Iz sekrit skwirl tihngs, aifinkso.
Cud nebber be teh replaismint fore GP!
ohai deer kween. kudju plaeze splaen “phlonquais”? kfanxbai!
ph = f
lon = lun
quais =ky
But… but… I thought u liked me! I like u!
And no, I is not replacing GP. Bleev me, it is teh tempting, but I simply does not has time to brake in a new phlonquais rite now.
Ob cors ai lieks yew. Ai woz jist teesing uew in a lubbing wae.
*gibs snorgl to LCB*
Ai iz in NB wib teh YNGs nd a bran noo boi buffink cloath.
Almost all waiz wehn dere iz a mam involbed… dere iz a spitty tishoo SUMware in teh picksure.. just for teh emergencies.
iz all nachural organic gentle enzymatik solushun, aifinkso.
Ai brot u n2 dis whirld…n ai can tayk u owt!
Ai kareed u arownd n meh 4 nyn monfs…n dis b teh fanks ai git?!
My frenz brudder tolded teh nawt-sekkund lyne to hiz 4 yeer old son.
Son luuked up an sed, “But CC did, Daddy.”
Mama kitteh carried bebeh kitteh fur nine munffs?
Wow! Bebeh kitteh shud has teh grateful.
Who heer has channloled dere mahm oar dad befoar?
**raises paw wif an embarrassed**
ME!!!!!
an i doant has kitteh bayabees.
I do it to mah frens kittles.
An I lub it!
I nawt has 2-legged chilluns, onlee had teh 4-legged varietee, an I STILL channloled mahm!
Ohhai! Mai! Mai! Mai! I heers maisef saying/”By the great horn spoon!” eben to mai kittehs, Catherine and William, nawt jes to my kitlets. *shakes head sadly* I keeps heering mai mammie’s voyce in mai mouf.
Doant u gibs me dat look!
U has a growndid!
SCUSE ME???? WHAT DID U SEZ???
WHAT???
OK 2 MOAR WEEKS LIL MISS PRISS!!!!
WANNA GOES FOAR 2 MOAR???
TRI ME SEE WOT HAPPINS!!!!
lol dat’s wot my momma usded to did.
but awl I had to did affer teh firstest wek was bat mah eyses at mah Daddeh..
’snawt fayr daddeh!
I’ll klen teh kichen an ur car….K?? K????
*daddeh rolls eyeses*
Go ax ur momma aee wot she finks….
UR NAWT HALPIN DADDEH!!!!!
” I hope yore kittens will treets U the same to U as U iz treeting meh!”
wow, taht iz teh skaree!
remidez me of Kliban’s Momcat. ennybuddy else?
iz gotted a klieban t-shirt haz pitcher ub a momcat jugglin kittenz…..
I tellz u, it duz feelz like dat sum tymes….
momcat
Doan u wurry bout wat teh otter kittehs r doin.
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I spose dat iffs dey jumped into teh goggie’s yard,
u wud do it too?
ohai awl yuo supurr-naice cheezfrenz. izzit taim foar teh limmurikk?
teh kitteh got skollded bai mammah
wehn shi woodn’t putt awn hur pijamma.
(yor tearn nao…)
I wuddn’t touch dis wif a ten pound dictionary! Onli the naughti rhrymes were commin to mai mind! Why wudn’t mamma put on her pj’s? NAKED Momma? Kittehs do not want!
nao, wuz nekid *kitteh* akshuleh, adn teh *mamma* wuz askollding hur. mamakitteh vurreh proppr kitteh. nawt nekkid. atleest nawt tudai…
But teh kitteh sez no
Nd off seh duz go
To crai nd cumplayne to hur gramma
Gud wun!
Thx. Mai orijiminal thort woz sumtihng bout cloes famlee tys nd cuming frm albama, butt (hee hee) ai does not want goes Nawty Barn todae.
Why nawt? Iz fun dere.
Heck, I LIBS dere!
Otay, mai orijimal endink woz
yew doan wont yore bruvver
to maek yew a muvver
jist cos we libs in albama
*startz warking to teh NB*
Eeewwww….
Iffin yew wontz me, ai be in teh NB for a lawng, lawng tiem aifinkso.
*gitz boi buffink cloath nd setz to werk on teh YNGs*
Butt (snikr) ai will be otay.
ohai kimkiwi! iz tehre enny rilly tall, wall fixer builder type guise inna NB?
ai misses NZ!
ai hadda lotsa fun tehre too! DH sez hi too an he hadda fun tyme at teh cheezmeet beleeve it oar nawt! hee sez wuz fun way to spend teh noo yeerz eve wiv a noo frenz inna noo zeeland.
we iz bak hoam an it iz winter.
we hadda grate tyme an teh cheezmeet wuz defimately wun uv teh hilites foar me. meeting u wuz rite up there wiv going to teh Agrodome inna Rotorua!
ai kan uploadz sum pikshurs uv Hur Highness onna ICHC oar haz u dun taht alreddy? ai wuz gonna try to make hur turn bloo or somefing artistik but haz nawt had much success yet.
Ohai tessm. Ai iz stil waytink fore teh bilders
It oaz egsilint to mete yew and DH – defnitlee wun of teh bestest Noo Years. Nd aim so gladded yew had teh phun in Dunedin.
Ai haz bee traink to uplode teh piktur uf HIH Buddy butt (snikr) teh serbur kepes goes bai bais on me, so no luk.
Gib DH a big snorgl frum me, nd heer is wun fore yew frum me nd Buddy
SNORGLSNORGLSNORGL
pikshurs uv Buddy an cheezmeet — naow on mai profyle!
Tessm – Iz u redhed too?
I lubs Buddy’s liddlol kitler mustash. I wanna snorgle him/her!
Thx thx thx – tehy is teh bootimus fotos. Iffin Hur Majestee cums out frum undur teh bed ai wills show tehm to hur.
o yesh, ai iz inna klub!
buddy iz a she an iz berry sweet. Wuz nawt able to norgle hur but wuz able to reech under cuvers an petz her! shee iz softee an nyse kitteh!
*a littlol blak n whyte faes appeers*
tahnk yew tessm for teh pikturs nd teh petz. nd thx to yew nd rhsb fore saink ai iz pritty gril. ai haz to goes nao in kaes ennywun seez mee, nd aifinkso muma iz goan sing to mee. DOES NOT WANT.
*littlol blak n whyte faes runsawaiwibkwikness*
Tessm – Dere is awl sorts of YNG inna NB. A nyse varietee, ifn u will.
Howebber, teh wun dat luuks lyk young Roger Daltrey, himz name iz Lucky an himz mien. Nightshayde gibbed him to me az Bocksing Day prezzie.
OK rhsb, u kan haz teh Roger Daltry wun! ai will tayke wun taht luuks lyke Ric O Casek! oar even Richard Butler! am ai showing mai age yet?
I kno Ric Ocasek but nawt kno Richard Butler.
psychedelic furz! ai saw tehm wunst in Omaha NE at mai sekkund rok konsert ever an ai wuz in frunt row an wuz able to touch hiz leather-encased calf. *swoon*
saw tehm again yeerz layter an hee wuz wearing a strand uv pearlz. *sigh*
nawt tu wuree, kimkiwi — teh hed poetkitteh haz pardund yuo bee-course off yur gud ryhming behayvyur. Nao moar NB (umless yuo warnta stae)… btw, waht’s YNG? adn wud ai laik teh NB?
YNg = Young Nekkid Guis.
Ai haz mai boi buffink cloath to maeks them orl shinnee nd polishyed nd egstree spesul naice lookink.
Yew welkum to halp me.
*snerk*
Iz otay, teh YNGs lieks teh boi buffink cloath, aifinkso.
Ennywae, tehy no complayns wehn ai buffs tehm.
*muffild skreem of terruh*
Scuse me a minnit
THUNK!
See, tehy lieks it.
um…….kim, it helps if ya use the LOW speed on the buffer.
Ai uzes teh niec floofy hand buffer, as teh lektik wun bloo up soem tiem argo.
Teh YNG woo screemed had assidenltee sewd himslef into a sak and has teh skareds.
Nuffink to does wiv me. Nope, nossir, defintlee not. Ai wud nebber trai nd kepe teh YNGs kaptif.
*lossof noys nd genril maehem nd skreemink*
Scuse me agen
Shaddup bak tehre. Ai iz noes goink to herts yew, yew noes. Nd besieds, nowun kin heer yew skreem.
**Calls owt to kimkiwi**
“Tell Lucky I be dere innaa littlol whiel!
Otay, ai saev a YNG nd egstry BBC jist fore yew.
nais nais, soopernais riyhm, kimkiwi! adn compleetlee kleene, tu!
(ai hadd jus gibvd upp, tehn *vwa-lahh* itt hitt mii… obama
duznt wurk fur ma kittehz….. gramakitteh iz akshumally stricther den da momcat… probabli akus gramakitteh iz MI momcat…..
momcat
Nawt agen.
Gud ebening, Lady Mondegrene!!! how u b duing owt west??
ohai! ai getz taht, thuogh ai hazn’t hurd et inna lawng taim. (fankz, jon carroll uv teh sam framcocoa chronnical. dat’z wehre ai iz herd uv laydy m.)
obtw, ai haz a sorree abuot teh earl uv murry. vury naise erl. awlwaze gayv yummee noms tou awl teeh kittehs. whe’el mis himm.
kthanxbai
But, Mom, wen u waz a kitten, u said dat u…
.
Doan duz wat I didz,
u duz wat I sai.
in mai dae we nebber did taht sort of tihng at yore aig.
taht’s wehn wii wokkd tu skule inna coald, wett sno, upphil boafh wayze…
nd wib onlee wun shew btwin teh elebtny gazilyun ob us.
nawt to menshun dat wuz elebentee billyun milolz tu skool…
nd nuffink to eet butt (hee hee) ratt poysin on stael bred for bekkist.
Yesh dey did. U wuz teenadjer inna 60’s!
mai dad useta say, “ennyfing u fink uv doing, ai fot uv twenny yeerz ago!”
Teh problums wun set of frenz iz habbin now iz dat dere oldest dotter iz becomin teenadjer an dey is finkin of awl teh stuffs DEY did wen dey wuz teenadjers an finkin, NOOOOOO!!!!!
Espeshully teh dad. Him iz lyk, “I wuz teenadj boy wunse, an U gotta stay away frum dem!” LOL
hee hee!
aifinkso we all did sum inneresting stuffs!
and naow we luuks at alla liddul kidz waring bike helmets and sittin inna kar seets and wunderz, HAOW did we ever survive to adulthood???
butz den again… in mai dai dat wuz nawt poseble!…
Yeh- i iz awld nuf ta member whenz da furst home ‘puter cam owt…. weiz haded wun….
momcat
I hoap u has chilluns JES LYK U wunday!
**wun of teh main reezuns I nawt has kids**
Can’t…… Hold eet in…..I’z gonna…….asplode!!!!! Stoopee……Kummurshul!!!!!!!!
Hey, I re zem bull dat reee murk!
I tells mai bois dat awl teh tiem, an teh luk at me liek i iz crazee. cors, teh bee deh tirty and deh tirty tree…..
Wunst a mama, awlwayz a mama.
i can haz ‘TEH LOOK’ at deh grand kits, and deh no they need tu lissen, and der dadz, mai sunz, he sez, u do wat gramma tellz u oar she LOOK at u! lol
Eef mama ain’t happee, ain’t noe won happee!
jush wantd tu saz, kittehs aer bery fien tu day. Deh no liek deh cowd, but deh haz deh boat wif deh tarp ober it to climb in. teh sun, he haz tu vacum and vacum dis summer, itinkso, caus kittehs guts der haar awl ober it, on deh car petz. i tol him, gud ting he haz deh boat in deh shed, fur deh outside kittehs, lol. wuz minus 30 dis mawnin! bery cowld! but kittehs du eng fien, deh comed owt and eated, and den go back under tarp. very smart kittehs!
yoo haz petz fur teh car?
head desk….
Glad tu heer deh owtdoor kittenz haz plaiz tu b owt uv deh wevver.
*dukks hed, slinkz awff to teh cornurr* yes, mom…….
DK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ohai Plasticat!!
ooohhhhoooooo…sooooo cute!
Frenz, I finkso I’m going to bed soon.
Hazza gud nite/day/watebber!
See y’all tomorrow, prolly!
Cheezpeeps, Kitteh Daddy sez “Ohhai, Cheezpeeps! Fanks fur awl the headbuts and gud thawts! I r on puureed diet butt I wants Cheezburger! How cans hab double bacon cheezburger on puureed diet? Halp!”
Yoo puts de cheenezburgr in de blendur, on purr-ay. Den can drink deh gud reely gushifuud noms.
Easy! Make it out of lean turkey bacon, seitan meat substitute, whole wheat buns, and reduced fat cheese.
.
I gib Kitteh Daddy lotz a purrz!!!
Glad he b duing bedder!!! Adn hopez he b home soon.
{{{POC & KD}}}
“Because it’s my birthday, and I wants it!”
“But I already gave you a present…”
Nd ur poynt r? I canhaz mor prezzies. I r deserbe mor! I r ur kitlet. U owe mai!
halloooooo…
n e one up?
dam.
I has hikkups and cant git rid of em.
ok.. hikkups iz gone, and so to bed.
nite, lurkerz
G’nite leeza-b-a-skwirl! Dreemz ov nuts an acornz!
hehehe… dis reminds me of me babe
ALERT! ALERT! PLEASE BE ALERT!
Otay, plz to being yurslefs but keep yur eyz opin plz
Tehre haz bin a axidint in teh NB. Ai woz buffink wun of teh YNGs nd ai aksed him to turn to teh syde cos teh lite woz bettur. Teh YNGs startid to cumplayne abowt beink treetid liek objecks (aifinkso, woz hard to heer thru teh ducky taype on tehir moufs). Wun of tehm distwacktid me wib a shiney fing…
Teh YNGs has ikscaped frum teh NB. I ripeet, teh YNGs has ikscaped frum teh NB. Tehy is runnink a muck all over Cheezland. Tehy iz shai creeturs nd does not has teh surfival skils. Ai wil be traink to rownd tehm orl up nd get tehm bak to teh saftee of teh NB. Plz to be leefink a mirror nd a hunnert dollur towl on yore frunt yard. Iffin yew sees wun, do not aproawtch him. Jist call me nd ai will cum get tehm.
Thx fore yore tenshun and coperashun.
oh noes! and rite before red’s partee!!
Yaz sir, Ma’am yaz sir!
This is totally my mom.
love it!
I love this lol! It’s so funnny and cute!
yez mama ….
no mama …
of course mama …
oke mama …
Thats awesome check my cats.
But but but but
U keepz wit da buttin and I beatz it goez to ur roomz!