Cat Rule #13
Incorrect source or offensive?
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
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lunarmommy on Plz to open door. kitkay on Plz to open door. kitkay on Plz to open door. KayKitteh on Plz to open door. kitkay on Plz to open door. kitkay on Plz to open door. lionelcat on Plz to open door. lunarmommy on Plz to open door. KayKitteh on Plz to open door. OnleeKitteh on Plz to open door. KayKitteh on Plz to open door. KayKitteh on Plz to open door. KayKitteh on U. WILL. POKE. ME. FOR. THE. L… BuddyDitzmores Mom on Plz to open door. skwirrlgrrl on Plz to open door.
Yew is just lucki it’s not sumfing more!
Woohoo!!!11! We haz a 7-way makramay, wif Carosue awn tawp an Maus tyin wiv hizzelf! Dansin in teh streetz!
Nawt inna streets! Is cold owt there! How about dansin inna livvin rum? Wif hawt chokolit drinkies.
Ooo gud ideeyah! I still haz mai Christmas tree up, lets awl dans an sing rownd teh pretty litez! I haz a box ov those “light-stick” joolereez, sew we kan dekoramate owrslefz, too!
Ooooh! Bright and sparkly is gud! I has wai too many uf dose light stickss too. But I luvs dem. Curse yew, eBay!
O gud, Ai’m not olny wun hoo still has krismuss tree AND lites up
Ai hayts tew undekoramate, haus luks sew playn
Dat iz y I put up a string ov litez arownd teh room awl yeer lawng! Diffrent collerz foar diffrent seezunz!
i still has my tree up too finkshunkitteh!
it tooked me til crissmus eve to get teh durn thing up and dekormarated, I just cudn’t bring myself to take it down after only a week week week!
Prolly will take it down this weekend tho.
Ohai Leeza! Dat iz mai gole tudai, tew gittit down…*sigh*
O hai, fikshunkitteh! How u is?
I only taked down my lites because they was starting to burn my hed.
oh noez, here I has a icepak fur Ur hed
dunks lcb wid a bucket of ice
And heerz a liddel sumthing to halp poor LCB’s hed.
Cats given kiss of life by firemen:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4014902/Cats-given-kiss-of-life-by-firemen.html
Ther is only wun pikshor, but it is kyoot. Why duzzint they noes we needs moar pikshors with storehs lyke these?
kthxbrrrrr
Thx, gremlin! Yes, is teh cute.
We not only needs teh moar picshurs, but also teh names and home addresses of teh firemans.
So we can thanks them in person, of coarse.
Sorta lyke wun uv them old-fashund nayborhood “welkum” wagons, only a “your welkum” – er – a “thank yoo” wagon.
We arrangifies a road trip? *luks owt winder, wayting for teh freezing rayn to start* Well, mebbe we wayts till laytur in teh week for owr road trip . . .
can I come, can I come?
:asks with bated breff
T_K musta just ate sum sushi…
Of korse 2K can coem along! Ther may be menneh fyremens in need uv thanking! We needs all teh halp we kin gitting.
*starts packing random stuff in kar*
Maus I no has fishy breff
:cheks herz breff and eatz a fyoo altoids
Of korse her breff is fyne!
*resumes pakking*
Altoids, Bandannas for owr hayrs, Candles . . .
Wen yu klik onna linke foar tu bees ceein teh fyermens kissin teh kittehs bak tu teh liefs, awlso tu bees klikin awn sum ob teh linkees tu teh rite ob teh hartikul. Der bees moar hartikuls bowt teh fyermens reskyooin pinnee gigs frum anuvvur fyer, an reskyooin a goggie wut awlmoas dyid tryin tu sabe sum babeh kittehs – gud goggie! Wun ob teh lubli fyermens sed sumfing liek ‘Wii bees traynd tu bees sabin teh liefs, an petts bees liek sum peepuls childrins’ – gud fyermens! *gibs awl teh fyermens tankyewberiberimush snorguls an imbiets dem awl tu cumin tu teh Nawtee Barn foar …um… foar …um… silleebrayshun in der onners, yesh, dats it!*
Lessee, wut elfs tu bees pakkin foar teh roedtrip …
Dairee produkts, foar teh snakins awn
Elebentee milyuns medlols for teh fyermens
Floofy blankees, caes wii oar teh fyermens gets cowuld
GPS yoonits, tu bees stikkin awn teh fyermens soes wii allus noes ware tu bees fyndin dem
Handeecufs, foar atachin owrsefls tu teh fyermens soes wii nawt gets lawst
Innocint luks, soes wiis nawt suspekdid ob nuffin
Joolree, koz it bees shinee an sparklee
K…..
Oooh, dat kin be nawt so gud akshuly. Ai ok, fiting wif soshul scurity fur disabilla T benifists
Bery hard tew fiting sistem…spesha Lee wen it being guvermint peeps (ai fink dey tayk less Ns in dum). Haop no wun heer issa guvermint M ploy E 
gud luck to Uz {{fikshun kitteh}}
Fanks tk, mush liking yur wish <3
hee,dem gubmint werkers… i finkso da cweenmj be retir’d gubmint werker.
*tineetendrilstweekda noze 0 da cween*
*runz away gigloling….*
Ai clame tew be in-no-scent wif dis akshun!!
*giglols wif sweetpea*
Carosue!! Con gratz tu u!!! U b leeding deh six-way tie!! Maus, skwirrl gurll, annipuss, ZF adn Plasticat!! Just conga ursefz tu deh tiy booteek!! I haz herd dere still b sum unique ornz in a box in deh bak ruum…just b keerful… dere awlso b a pork q pine bak dere…
Gordon Ramsey kitteh teaches you to cook…
Or mebbe it’s Tom Catliccio…
..wif flavr-ful languages….
Or at least salty…
or is it padma kitteh
critiquing Ur latest masterpiece
Padma can do anything she wants to me…
hmm
I fink Maus needs to go NB wid Padma
but will Mrs Maus approve?
story at elebenty,
BTW is deh laytest season of top chef over?
I no has TV yet so I don’t knoz
no.. they’re only about 1/2 way thru!
noo episode tomorrow nite!
Jinx!
oh noes! do iou a coke now?
I only has diet caffeeen free mtn doo.
Pleh. You can owe me one when you get something good to drink
pthbt!
.
well I do has this dark cocoa wif rasp berry…
*reeches lawng green arm intew Leeza’z cabinet*
*sneeks owt teh dark cocowifrazzberreez*
*swims wif a kwikness bakk tew TrollheimUnterTehSea*
Uh huh. Why?
well if u doesn’t want cocoa… maybe some pi wud hit teh spot?
*lobs a creem pi at Maus*
*SPLAT*
yup, Ifinkso that hit teh spot!
*Spot happens to be a big ANGRY Rottweiler*
I think you might want to apologize…
*runs wif a kwikness and perchez on Maus’s hed*
*Leeza is so floofy that Maus can’t be seen… or breathe*
Mrphmumblefrimph!
Just run– any direckshun will do!
*Maus runs*
*tehy heds toward teh doggeh*
Noes not that way!!
Let’s go find Petunia!
*turns Maus toward teh NB*
Frimblerassinfrassinmrphmrph!
sowry maus.
I guess I needs a floofcut.
*pulls floof up and puts in a updo, on teh run*
*We now see a floofy black cat apparently running on two teeny-tiny little gray legs*
I’z not THAT floofy!!
The season is about 1/3 done. New episode tomorrow night.
and purhaps spicee…
add 1 tsp cat floof
That reminds me of this oldie-but-goodie:
Elephant Stew Recipe
Ingredients
* 1 Elephant
* 2 Rabbits
* Salt and pepper to taste
Directions:
Cut elephant into small, bite-size pieces. This should take about 2 months. Add enough brown gravy to cover, cook over kerosene fire for about four weeks at 465 degrees F. This will serve 3800 people. If more are expected, two rabbits may be added but do this only if necessary as most people do not want to find hare in their stew.
purrhapz Anni cud fixing dis fur us wen wii vizit fur deh Lolympicz in 2012?!?!?
Shore, iffn u bring teh lolofant!
otay queenmj can bring deh lolphant
I bringz the harez
boff mine and the kittehz
I’ll bring teh salt!
*runz tu check ebay
*groan*
No. 13 in teh series of elebenty duzzen.
uumm, kitteh – culd yew pleez rite daown awl elebenty duzzen rules? ai ha a stoopy and kan’t member dem awl…
okays… but remember all rools are subjeckt to change at teh whim of teh rool maker.
.
1. Always give teh kitteh whatever she wants, when she wants it.
2. Be shur to leave room on all furniture surface areas for teh kitteh.
3. Change teh litturbox every single day, more if kitteh duz a stinky.
4. D….
4. Don’t furgit tu provide cheezburgerz on regular basis
5. Expect prezintz in ur shoo
6. Feel free tu provide moar cheezburgerz
7. G
8. Gib butt-skritchez wennever asked
9. Hab plentee ov nip rownd teh howse
10. If yoo haz a cat door, leev it open in teh rainee dayz!
11. Juss lov me
12. K…
12. Keep fresh water in deh dish
13. If youz doin it, I’z sittin on it (kittehz not gud at alfamabetz)
14. Leeve mii alone…… unless i want u tu petting mii….
15.
7. Get rid of Goggie
8. Have plentee 0 treets on hand
9. “I am supreme ruler of all that exists in my lil whirrld”; memorize dis
10. Janet can has 400elebentee kittehs if she wants, but i wanna be onlee kat
11. K…
11. Keep kitteh safe and warm
12. Leave gushifud out and available
13. Make comfy bed for kitteh
14. N…
Ohai All
15. Nawt tew mayka tayka baff
16. Onna chin, eerz, onna butts, need skritches
17. Purrrrrrrrr
18. Quik, get me sum gushifud
19. R
20. Rules? ai am a kitteh. ai donut follow no steeenking rules!!
21. Someone pet me. When ai wants it.
22. Tell goggie he has a napointment sumplace far far away.
23. U …
24.ur jawb iz tu letting me awt at enny awer i deeside…
25.very important- i liek yu nau, but i will maek yu pae iffn yu maek me luk stoopie
26. wet gushie food….nuff sed.
X……
27. xtrra speshul kat treets,s teh expensive kind – yoo must hav them always on hand!
28. Y? Y? I’ll TELL YA Y!!! Bekawz I sedso! *nyah!*
29. Zee hauswurks – they ar awl belong to yoo. Mah jawb is to fuzz up teh playc and luk pritteh and/or kyoot and provide an aura uv kumfort and peace. Yor jawb, deer hyuman, is to SERVE me!
And am I teh onlee wun hoo thinks itz neet that we ended up with 29 letters in owr alfabet? *snikkr*
Ai awlwaiz thort we needed sum moar!
Adn u duz ur job so well, kitteh!!!
.
Wud u like tu trade jobz so u kin show mii how tu dueing deh howez werkz az well?? Adn I kin praktiss lukking pritteh adn kyoot??
foar sum reezun, mai kommint iz at teh bottum uv teh paeg…..i dint put it der…hmmm
nd nau ther it r!!!! ai wish teyh wood maeking up der mynds….
LC79, weerdpriss kynna funee dat way…iffin yew refresh (F5) after komminting, yew shood be inna rite plays (haopfilly)
U shud ownlee pai `tenshun 2 me!
dun madder wut it iz!
haow yu get dere, Plasticat? yu’r spozed tew b in skool!
i iz ur study buddy
gud – cuz ai iz studyin haow tew gib hedbonks and snorgles!
boff my kittehs follo dis rule
Injeh update:
Herz has not been unner deh bed at all since Sunday afternoon
and returning bak to herz eben tempered self
:previously on deh chronicles of orange kitteh Injeh
We moved bout 3 weeks ago and one of deh two kittehs
was behaving unlike a normal self
so I had a concerned and asked wise cheesepeeps fur advice
and analysis.
Dat b gud nooz!!! plz tu gibbing Injeh a chin skritch fur mii. Adn snorglolz, but only if she b liking dem.
herz likes belleh rubs
snorglolz not so mush
yyaayyy fur Injeh! hers feeling bedder abowt noo haom! {{{Injeh and 2_k}}}
2_k, I haz a happeh foar Injehkitteh nawt unner teh bed! Wen wii moveded 17 monfz ago, owr 3 cats (gives up on lolspeek) were going from “inherited territory” (we’d lived in the same house for 24 years) to having to carve out their own. After 6 weeks we started letting them outside, and then the fun started! But the move showed us which cat was the “survivor”, which the “chicken”, and which the “terribly needy and high maintenance”
dey is indoor catz fur deh most part
I sometimes take demz out on a veree long leash to explore deh
nayborhoodz
*snerk*
all my kittehs seem to fall under “terribly needy and high maintenance”.
*snerk* Better that it wuz teh kats hoo wuz “survivor,” “chicken,” and “terribly needy and high maintenance.” Moves brings owt teh whurst in sum *PEEPULS* too. *nods hed knowingly, prays for payshunz.
I sens deh voyce uf resent eggspearee~ence speeking!
make dat “recent”eggspearee~ence. altho……if deh shoo fitz…
ohai Gremlin how is gnu bride?
Ohai, 2K! I herd yoo say – shwimps! *nom nom*
Adjusting to being bak at wurks after lots of days off. Adjusting to having hubby on-hand (and all his stuffs) full-time now. House is packed with stuffs, garage is packed with stuffs, shed is packed with stuffs.
*sigh* Patience, I wurks on it!
Glad to heer yor kittehs ar getting accustomed to theyr noo home. Are yoo feeling moar relaxed now that yor move is over? Moving is stressful! Yoo has mah sympathies.
Marriage needz pashunz that ar too troo
I has discovered a gnu wai to cook shrimp
in aluminum foil in my oven
: brush wid olive oil or butter
add spices and seasoning and garlic
add lemon or lime
and scrunch up the foil to make a packig
bake
ready in less than 15 min
serve wid rice/pasta/bread and a salad
nootrishus an delishus
Ooh, sownds nommy!
Iz erlee for lunch heer but I yam abowt to heet up mah frozen meal. I has a hongry! Healthy Choice sweet & sour chikkin with rice and broccoli florets and peach krisp.
You can do that with chicken breast or fish too. Also try using a splash of wine instead of the citrus.
Yum! *thinks a bit*
Mebbe whut we needs is teh nawt-sekkund ICHC cukbuk?
*nownser’s voyce sez* And neggst episode on “Cooking with Maus and two_kittehs,” How to prepare teh perfekt Ebil Omelet, using only items alreddy in yor fridge!
*Opens fridge*
*RummageRummageRummage*
Let’s see… Leftover fried rice from last week…
*RummageRummageRummage*
Something grey in a tupperware container…
*RummageRummageRummage*
Some pineapple yogurt a month past it’s “Use By” date…
OK! Let’s get cooking!
*adds sum ebil smelling sumthing frum bak uv fridge with green stuffs growing on it* Ah luk, veggetabuls is gud for Yu!
Great!
*Whips the eggs for the omelet*
Hmmm… we seem to be out of butter to cook the omelet in.
*RummageRummageRummage*
Here we go! We’ll use this old mayonaisse…
I have thought of doing it with chicken breast but I thought
the breasts might get tough
how long do you bake them, and do butterfly the breasts
or pound them to uniform thickness.
Yes this method is great with fish
so far I have tried salmon, haddock and tilapia
400 F for 20 to 30 minutes, depending on whether you add veggies to the packet.
Sliced fennel (the veg, not the herb) and chicken is great cooked this way.
I has heared that u can rap fish in loluminum foils then put it in teh dishwarsher on teh hot watters setting and steam-cook it.
I think this would not be so grate, ackshually, because no one would take it out when it was done.
I iz in ur ICHC pullin Ur leg
:that ar a gud one lcb
Dat wud nawt werk in owr dishwarsher rite nao.
It borked awn Noo Yeers Eeb.
Note to self:
Do nawt allow LCB to be a guest host on teh noo ICHC cukking channel.
but herz can has hur own show on ICHC Comedy centrlol
Deh LCB report
*pouts*
But… but.. I was gonna do a hole series on poached fuds!
and annudder one on how to start fires in deh kitchen
and get hunkeh firemanz home
Jes pray dey nawt commin frum Texas, oar teh hole playse’ll go up in flamez.
*snerk*
“Today on Cooking with LCB: Poached Poached Salmon…”
Y u mak dis? Iz nawt cheezburger, iz nawt gooshyfudz…
mah kittehs lub fresh seafoodz raw
shrimp, salmon, tilapia U nayme it
also raw beef…
Josie lubbed it wen I had “Sushi Sunday”.
No mattur hao hard I tryed to hide it frum hur, she wud come into teh libbin room, meowin hur hed awf, wantin mahm 2 share!
Gusteau: What do I always say? Ennywun can cook.
Remy: Yeah. Ennywun can, that doesn’t mean that ennywun should. . . .
**comes in from bein owtside**
Brrr…
I can has heet?
Alsew, I can has hug?
I hazza nerbis cuz I’m meetin wif my lolyer dis afturnoon.
Alsew, dere is roomor dat teh gubernor iz wantin state employees to has 24 days awf wifowt pay. Dat’s lyk gettin almoas 10% cut in pay. Owch!
{{{{rhsb}}}}
Its ok to be nervous
but remember that you are stronger than you think you are.
{{{{{rhsb}}}}} wut 2_K sayd!
Fanks, 2_k.
I hoaps I’m strongur tahn I finkso I iz, cuz I nawt feline it rite nao.
*jumps on rhsb*
*rassles wif a fureeous*
*loses on purrpose*
*as loser, grooms rhsb*
.
Victoree.. u can has teh taste of it nows?
*runs before she pulls on teh boots*
Fanks, Leeza.
Sumhao, rasslin wif u nawt az fun as rasslin wif uther peeplols wud be, but I appresheyate teh jestshur.
Wood rasslin wif me halps?
I jes naw saw dis! **grumblols abowt stoopy werk makin her ackshully werk**
C’meer, WRr. I….um….gots sumfin to show u…yeah, dat’s it. Iz in teh NB.
Ai fink Ai can haz a win eben if ai lose dis.
fink uf teh liddle “O yea? want a peas uf dis?” kitteh frum yes tirdai – yew iz strong liek him!
((((((((hotwadderbottlolRHSBhawtwadderbottlol)))))))))))
Yesterdai u ayted ur Ebil Ham an Cheez Omlett, rite? I bleevez they are gud foar at leest wun week!
Mebbe I need anudder wun, jes in caes?
EM!!!! Ware are u?
You rang?
Dere u are.
I can has anudder Ebil Omelet, plz?
A liddlol wun, cuz I nawt shure I kin eet musch rite nao?
I hassa beeg nerbis.
How about an Ebil Poached Egg on Ebil Toast?
Frenz, dis kitteh luuks lyk wun my fren usta has.
Hur name wus “Stinky”. Hur lubbed to openin teh kitshin kabnets.
Wen hur crossed teh bridj, I tolded fren, “U kno wat hurz doin nao – openin CC’s kabnets!”
My not-second cat’s name was Stinky!
ohai rhsb!
**frows floofeh blankee ober rhsb**
**uncobers her hed**
**gibs rhsb hawt cawfee wif liddlol katlewah in dere**
**snuggles rhsb intew dah blankee**
Why yew outside?
I wuz awn brake, smokin.
Startin smokin agin inna Wintur? Nawt wun of teh smartest mooves I ebber maded!
I has to agreez wid Uz on dis one.
It has been a hard time fur Uz
don’t blamez Ur self
but do stop smoking
Uz can do it I knoz.
sowee if I sounded lyke a scold
but I ar consurned
fur U iz a fren
iz mor liek guidelinez den actual laws.
U cuk dis recipee Naow K. It haz teh sammons so it nawt bee bad.
An if I aint sittin on it, it aint wurth doin.
truu. kitteh noez wut b portint.
This is known by eggspurts as teh “kitteh-butt test uv importancy.”
*waving pinkie paw pads*
Bah by ebrybunneh, Ai muss tew be going. Y’all hab a gud dai!!!1!
*runz up adn gibz fikshunkitteh a big bai-bai SCHMOOOO!!!
Fanks cween adn a big SCHMOOOO tew U 2. Sorry iffin Ai off ended yew gubmint werkers up dere ^
Ai has a frustrashun 
I can has nawncmint!!!
Kitteh Daddy was extubated at 8 am!
He r a little horse according to his nurse coz of de tube were in so long. But she says he r doing “excellently”. I guess dat means “excellently” for peep who had tube in froat 2x in 2 months.
I has a BIG grateful! R his mind be damaged? well, we mus be wait and see.
Thnkz all peeps.
I return u’s to ur regoolarly skedooled cowmints.
Gots to run to see Kitteh Daddy. ‘By ‘by!
Hooray! Thatz gud noos! Hooray for yoo and Kitteh Daddy! *dantz dantz dantz*
I duz deh happee dantz tu!!
dansy dansy dansy awl a rownd deh ruum!!
Gib deh Kitteh Daddy hugz and schmuuz frum mii!!!
Yay! I has happee foar u.
I needed to heer sum gud noos 2day.
rhsb is U mad at meez
bcoz I gotted all preachy bout smoking?
are you? are you?
*pulls rhsb’s tayl and hides under deh table fur a surprise attak*
No, I nawt mad atchoo. It wud take moar tahn dat to gets me mad atchoo, 2_k. {{{2_k}}}
I unnerstan an appresheyate ur consern,, an I will kwit wen fings calm down a liddlol bit.
If iz enny consolayshuns, I onlee smoke abowt 2-3/day so a pak lasts me jes ober a week.
Oh, u has teh smokin?
Dis r mah chance to say a sumfin!
bout two years ago doctur putted me on Nortryptyline furr teh cranky bowel.
And I no longer wanted to smoke!
Yah, dat beez a side eefect!!!! Try eet, smokurrs!!! Seereeusslee. I no
wanted to quit, but dat medicine maded me lose teh interrust.
It r teh stuff.
*sigh*
**donkee whines in a rare grouchy moment**
nobuddy ebbur cares when I tell dem about dis story. All teh peepul in
the wurld who are addicted to cigarettes and want to stop. It beez killin
dem. and I tell dem bout dis wunder drug. Duz dere fayce lite up? No. Do
dey look happy and hopeful ? No. Why? Why?
*cries*
why?
/hates teh lung cancer :cries:
*joyns 2K in powncing on RHSB*
*pownce, pownce, pownce, runs for kuvver*
HALP! I’m bein gangded up awn!
**grabs 2_k an gremlin an bunnek-kiks dem bofe**
Ai hoeps U nawt haz awn teh boots U borrowed frum EM!! Teh rusty nayles adn teh wafflol stawmps nawt gud fur bunnee kiks.
WRr – I lefted u a messidj, further up teh thred. Iz abowt teh rasslin.
Ai Ceez it. stoopy RL geddin in teh way todai. Pleh.
Ainnit teh troof?!?!
I been meenin to axk: Hao iz Mr Gremlin doin?
Iz u guies still blissfullee happee?
yyaay POC and Kitteh Daddy!! wi keeps yew and KD in owr thots!
Yu getz knoe wurkz dun awn “Tayk yur cat tu wurk day”
SMILE
bunnees has de saym rool, I finkso
heyza do u think this makes my buut look big?
lawl
too true
Kool Real Funny
This is annoyingly true. I could be sitting at the computer, and suddenly the damn cat walks in front of the monitor and just sits there…
Another proud member of F.A.L.
(Felines Against Literacy)
lolz my kitteh iz just like this!!! everfing i do she haz to sits on!
Ai agreez, my kitteh has tew woks bak n forf in frunt ob mai fays adn mawnyter puttingsed floof ober me! *cheeeeeew*
Adn prezentz hims bakend fur Nspekshun–nawt so gud akshuly!
OMFG, this is soo true :’)
Mostly when you are doing something serious too.. Like studying :p
My cat does that ALL the time. He just can’t resist it when he sees me doing homework.