new online hacker protection
new online hacker protection program now available through lolcatz
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: saracfaull
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
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Kiteh is handee
acks-sez den-eyed
hit enny kee tew con tin yew
Which wun’s teh enny kee?
So dat’s wut da paws key duz
dBest one yet!
ding ding ding
1 paws key!!!1!!
Wooot!!! luk at u missy!! At deh berry tippy-top!!!
I duz a liddlol danz uv joi fur u!
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Dans and pawz~ danz adn pawz~ dansy-danz ~pawz~ dansy-danz agin!!
heer b deh Bawk Sing Day annownsmint frum Leeza…..
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Here’s a remindur for those that knows, and a nounsement for those that duznt, yet!
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Friday, teh 26th, we is having a Bocksing Day partee!
Itz a tradishunal TTI hololiday on the day aftur Krissmuss, where peeples gets together to eet leftovers, and gives gifts to serviss people.
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If u has a phlonquais, today is the day to reward him for his impertinint important services to u!
And, if u wishes to take part, we will has an optional XXXXX XXXXX gifty exchange.
This is called by many noms, some of u knows it as Yanquis Exchange, some as Wite Lolophant, and some as…. Well, something else. I has a feeling the propurr name here shud be the ICHC Grabbity Gifty Exchange, but whatever u call it, here’s how it werks:
Everyone brings a present, and puts it under teh tree. Sinse this is Bocksing Day, u can bring ur present in a bocks if u wants! And u can describe the bocks or the packaj if u wants to. Then we takes turns.
•The number one person picks a gifty from under the tree. Open it and say wot it iz!
•Then the no. 2 person can steel teh present the no. 1 person gotted, OR pick one from under teh tree.
•And then teh no. 3 person can steel from either the 1 or the 2… or pick from under the tree.
•And so-on, and sew fourth, etc.
Anyone can steal a gift from someone who has opened one previously. If someone steels ur gift, u gets to go back to teh tree an pick another one.
Those of u with larcenuss tendensies, plz to note u only gets to keep ONE gifty.
*eyez LCB*
U can bring a noo gifty, or u can regifty something u gotted and dint want. Anything goez!!
Sew to recap, we will has drinkses, and feest, and gifties to phlonquais and service peoples everywhere (dat incloods YNGs and fyremens, Ifinkso!) and the Grabbity Gifty exchange! Okays?
The partee will start at the 6 am cheeztime lol, on Dec 26th, which means:
12 pm EST
5 pm TTI time
9 am Spacific time
11 am Central
And the mountain time, in btw the central and Spacific, somewhere in there, ubetcha.
* scamper scamper scamper *
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* puts beeg box unner teh tree *
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* has an egg sighted *
**pownses awn GP**
Ohai, fren!
* weeeeeeeeeeeeek weeeek weeeek *
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Ohai! {{{rhsb}}} ai popped mai hed in yesserdai tu lukk fur yu but but but yu wus nawt heer so ai went back tu nomming fings! Hao yu is?
U wuz luukin foar me? Wow, I feel sew speshul. *snif*
Rite nao, I is tryin to get rid of famlee. Mahm, sil an neffew leevin to go shoppin, so dat leeves dad an brudder.
Hao to maek dem leev too? **hazza ebil ponder**
Iz sew square i can bee teh box!
…an pointii tu
first!!!???
EWWWWW!!!1!!1!!!!! U sed deh “F” werd!!! go wash ur mouf owt wif soap!!!
passes over hoamade lavender soap reseev’d azza christmass prezzie. o wait, i want dat back win yr dun…iz nice akshully.
aws congratulations’ss Missy!! Happy Day After Chrissmisss :^)
Tanks, Kelly…same tew yew and yers!
DOGS ROOL, KATZ DROOL
Gud mawning mai qween! Haow wuz ur Krismiss?
It wuz deh gud day!! wii had fog adn a bit uv sun…. Adn a pot luck dinner wif deep-fried turkey, ham, taterz, dressingz, gravy, beenz, Japaneze cole slaw, dibbilled eggz, stufft mushruumz, cake, kookeez, pie, cobbler, ….. omg, it’m still stufft!!!!!!
Waow, wut a feest! Wii haded teh tradishunal turkee dinner followed by plum pudding. Lots of prezzees n sweets n fun too!
Happee Boxing Day ebreewun!
U gots dat bass-ackwerd.
Kats rool, dogs drool.
*dogs clustered around the keyboard*
*day after christmas, so computer is left unattended*
*if you listen from the doorway, you can hear them …*
heh snerk yew sed drool
hey stop pushing!!
yeah, dood, like we sed cats drule.
wut? do ai get to push retooorn?
no, me!!
snerk giggle
how duz yew spell catz drool?
huh? where’s teh fud?
fud?
did somewun say fud?
were teh hakkr alert goe? heer goggie, fud ovr heer…
dogs rool, katz drool?!?????
hahahahahaha datz da funneeyest fing i EVAH heard…
*KLONK*
bargh, i aer ded frum da ridikulus…
x.x
.>
…..
Now y dint I think uv dat??? kudda saved baing deh prinign sheerz ….adn deh weedwakker ….. adn deh chainsaw ….. adn deh bakhoe….
{{{{{{cweenmj}}}}}} LOL!! An moar LOL!! Oh, ai wish ai dint hav to go!!
!! Teh bakhoe – teh traktors – teh lawnmowers piled up awn top. . . itz too funneee!!!
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Ai can see . . .yoo /snerk -ai cnat type ai’m laffing so hard. . draiving down the rode – / wi’v awl those things being pulled behind. . .ROFL!!
Wif Herb E. Side riding on deh tippee- tawp!!! LOL!!
6th
elebentee-sebenteenf (prossimittlee)
Stoopid Vista Guardian program.
In Soviet Russia, Hackers protect you from Lolcatz.
****Xtreem Fais paw***
Poynty endz – Acktivated!
buttwiglol of doom
and boom the kitteh launches on rhsb
and wressles her to deh ground
Hay! Iz tew erlee to gets ambushed!
**beeg floofy kitteh an orinj kitteh rassle arown, creating lotsa flying hares**
**playful hisisn an bitin can be herd alsew**
did U has a gud time wid deh fambly
did demz behave and not bug U mush?
HA!
Teh brudder, sil an neffew iz goin hoam awn Caturday, aifinkso. Franklee, I iz reddy foar dat to be happenin.
Neffew iz fun, but himz 18 monfs owld. Too musch enerjees foar wun liddlol munchkin!
Brudder an SIL is teh slobs, so teh howse iz destroyed! Teh stairway rezemblols a mine feeld.
I nawt feline grate, sew dey gettin awn my nerbs moar tahn yoo-shual.
Hao’s lyfe awn ur end, 2_k?
We hadz a sunny day yesturdai, hubcat and I explored the gnu
town a litlol bit, went for a walk, wuz not too long becoz it was cold
:BRRRR
den we hadz a nice dinnah, hubcat maded chocolit cake
and I maded meatballz
den we unpacked elbenty boxes, only 2 more boxes and clothes remain
to beez unpacked.
Also maded callz to frenz and fambly
all in all a good day.
Sownz lyk a grate day!
I prolly gonna hazta deside wether I wanna go shoppin wif mahm an SIL oar stay hoem wif dad an neffew. Will be lyk desidin lesser of tew ebils, aifinkso.
**sigh** Why tehy nawt go hoem today?
I knoz deh feeling, I lub my brudder but I canz only take himz in
small doses, we has nuffing in common eggsept deh parrunts.
bout Ur choyce,
if it wuz me I wud purrfurr to stay at home an may beez plai on ICHC
I no likes shawping wid fambly, I is mush fastah when I ar alone
or wid a gurlfren
mawm is too criticlol and I feelz lyke I am ten againz
do not want
I jes fownded owt dat mahm, SIL an neffew be goin shoppin TO TEH BEEG MAWL!
Nope, nawt gonna do it. Teh beeg mawl teh day aftur Krissmiss? I wud end up awn teh noos.
I’m stayin hoem!
gud choyse, gibs deh big floofy kitteh headbat and runs awai
:catch me if you can
Going tu deh store deh day after kressmiss??
.
no.
.
nope.
.
Nuh-uh.
.
no wayz.
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negatory.
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not on yur life.
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not if u paid mii.
Cween – Did you heer my anser to mahm wen hur axked me if I wanted to go wif dem?
Dat’s purty musch wuz my reply.
Ai wint cuz tehy did pae mii! Hadz tew werk frum 2:30 til 10:30….nd taht aftur gettin up at 6AM, tehn a 5 hour draiv bak frum mai sistur’s howse. Can u sae “PLEH!”??
2_k, my brudder an I nawt has musch in common, ether.
Him iz beeg corprit-laddur-climbur an iz awl abowt teh munnies, an I nawt. I meen, habbin munnies is nise, but is nawt eberyfing. Huzbin made gud munnies but wuz nawt happee. Wen wii got outta debt, I tolded him he cud luuk for nuthur jawb, but him nawt do it. He’d rather has munnies an stress tahn less munnies an happee. Same wif my brudder, but worser.
I has gotten to point I nawt lyk shoppin mutch ennymoar. I shops lyk man nao: get in, buy item, get owt.
We eatz da Spam so you dunt haff to.
Gud.
Spam=Pleh!
ooh mebbe fryd up liek in hahwhyee?
Ai wuz suprizd in Maui dat dey ebben hab spam at da dribe thru’s!
yez, iz strayng tew mii but wii haf weerd stuffs heer in yewtah
Ohai – *waves floofee whyte paw to ebreewun*
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Ai’ll taek teh spam – teh kind yoo eet. Itz mai sekrek plehshur! Ai reelee laik it! LOL!!
ohai Janet, teh partee is down thred, come and joyn us!!
Oh thankz leeza-b!! Ai can stay awnlee fur a few minnits!1 Gotta go to mai sisters Haus!!
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Ai WANT to go to mai sisterz haus! It will bee fun!! but *sniff* ai want to bee heer, too!!! An – altho ai am a Gemini – ai still can’t bee in too plaices at wunce! *niff*
Ohai kk – duz yew wanna heer sumtihng weerd ai readed bout Spam (teh fud) nd wai iz poplyar in teh pasifik ailinds?
Ohai kk4 – duz yew wants to heer sumtihng ai readed bout Spam (teh fud) larst niet? Bout wai iz so poplyar in teh pasifik.
owwwww!!! avg has pointy endz nao?
Wateber keeps teh viruses an spyware away iz fien wif me!
Testin abitar…
I changing mine last nite…..just waiting rownd fur it tu show up…. i dun erasingd mai histreez and nomminged mai kookeez….. it’ll pop in evenchulleee…. i hopez….
ai seas eet! adn urs kk4!
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mebbeh ai is teh awl seeing, awl knowing GP?
LOL!!! I finkso!! U b majikklol!!!
Oh yesh yesh yesh!
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plz tu be telling meh – whut tyhme did tihs lol show up? an hour ago? has leeza’s ebil plan been recked?
.
* has a wurried *
It came on at 4 ICHC time….. sew wen will deh neggst wun b??
hours adn hours adn hours!
ooo lookit! a skwerl!
o mai! an wot a kolur!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/hampshire/7795367.stm
nawt ebil!
but ifinkso teh cheezes is still on loliday skedule, wot shud we do?
Ifinkso we shud just start at 12 enyway??
coz if they is on lolidays, next lol is not for 2 more hours!!
* lukks at watch *
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but but but eet ees neerly 5pm heer! ai has tu wayt unteel 12??? DO NAWT WANT!
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mebbeh wii shud juss startify nao…?
noes!
*rolls eyez at GP*
12 pm EST is in 4 minnits!!!
* hed hurts *
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Otay, otay… whutebber thyme eet ees! Wii can start nao? can wii huh?
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* scampers down tu bottom of Fred adn wayts payshuntlee fur strukshuns frum uhmayzing tawking skwerl *
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[O adn] * has an egg sighted *
itz started!!
luk at the bottom.
NOES not my bottom! teh bottom of teh thred!
silleh GP.
U seeing deh eester eggz??? dat b deh rong holly daze!!
tick
tick
tick
tick
…
nope, abatar not changed yet
Ai wunner how long we gonna be warin dese hats, PdB?? forebber an ebber aifinkso.
nope. yer abatar has reverted to a black kitteh wif glowing ornj eyes. no x-mas hat in site.
Mebbe sumdai ai will sees it….*sigh* ai still sees da chrismiss kitteh.
i seize a Christmaus hat on yu, kerrrykatz4, adn lazer eyz fully chrcgd
I seez wot I guess is a blak kitteh.. all I see it blak, wif 2 big gold eyez innit!
U coming to teh partee sweetpea?
Ai’m still waring mai hat!! An ai will bee until lcb chanjes it fur mee!!
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but Fleep – waht ar yoo nao??? It’s reelee . . .bloo. . .but what izzit??
U just has to tell me when u wants to change back, Janet.
When I decorates, I usually keeps them up until Elebentieth Nite, but perhaps this year I’ll undecorate early. Mabye tomorrow.
heez blooo?!!? aw, cheerwup, prof. d’Beeker.
(to me he can haz da woof wif da red cap)
p.s. i wundrez azzi wandres hao Igor liked hims role in da Christmas Carol Storree i made?
LCB: oh, duz you haf to? letz can haz sillybrashuns on Elebentieyetth night adn mebbe sumfink on King’s Day/Epiphnomy
ohai … mai new abatar is, well, a beaker. Ai has nawt seen it yet to see if it werks, vijooally speaking.
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oh, and JCH4K — thanq and GMTA!!!
PdB: I opened a diffrent browser and I sees ur noo avatar. Pretty!
I put a screemshot of it in my pics on my profile.
and sweetpea, ai misseded the Christams Carol Storee, ai am sorree to say. maybe ai can search and find it.
sweetpea: Hmm. I’ll has to think about it. These lites is getting kinda tiresome and peeps keep steeling my blubs.
ah, LCB. ai quitted fairfox, restarted it, and vwalaa, mai new abatar.
Well – ai akshullee THOT it wuz a beeker. . An it’s full? Full ov joy an happiness an odder sinetifik sthings???
An OH – LCB – ai’m wif sweetpea. Ai awlwaiz leev mai tree up until teh 7th ov Jan – ai LAIK doing teh compleet KrissMaus celerybrayshuns.
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So ai’d laik to keep mai hat until tehn.
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An ai still luv yur lites! Verree fitting, az yoo briten ar lives so wif yur talen an hyoom an general awl around. . .*goes awl scentee mental* {{{{{{LCB}}}}}
Well – Talent an hyoomor. Teh dredded rap around gitz mee ebree taim!! LOL!
An Fleep – if yoo dont find it – ai can show yoo. It iz a GRATE noo litter airy werk to add to ar librarie. TROOLEE stoop end us!!
mais ouiz christmas story….
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icanhascheezburger.com/2008/12/23/funny-pictures-krismaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass/#comment-539756
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icanhascheezburger.com/2008/12/24/funny-pictures-yew-can-heer-dee-interwebz-laffing-at-chew/#comment-540508
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I think dat b awl uv it…. it b berry funnee…
teh storee start’d here wif da Hannomkah Day Mass a cur
http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/2008/12/23/funny-pictures-krismaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass/#comment-539659
adn it contimuesa adn conklooodz here
http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/2008/12/24/funny-pictures-yew-can-heer-dee-interwebz-laffing-at-chew/#comment-540524
KK!!!!
**beeg floofy white kitteh tacklols KK**
Oh noes, ai bin takklold!! *kk4 bunneh kiks rhsb* Yur nephew soun liek mai granson, full ub da energees!
Happee Bawk Sing Day!
Kitteh getz 2 loafz aeowndz
andz… Wayt a minnit!!!
Kitteh canz surfz T3h
Innurrtoobz. Dreenkz cawfee. Duz
nawt wantz to seez hurz
Prittee Wun likkingz
hurzself cleen. Oanlee Kittehz
duz dat andz lukkz gud!
Jack.
Guud won, Jack! Sum fings is best left tu da kittehs, aifinkso!
Happee Bawk Sing Day to yoo, Jack!!! Ai hoep yoo had a moast wunnerful KrissMaus Day!
OHAI!!
and welkum to teh Bocksing Day partee!!
plz to put ur fuds on teh table in teh NB annex over there.
*points to left*
Teh tree is up there too! Teh biggest tree we cud find, itz dekoramated for teh lolidays, plz bring ur bockes in and desribe wot they luk liek, and we can start!!
* drags in a HYOOGE box wrapped in brown parcel payper tyed up wib string *
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* puts sordid TTI fuds onna tayblol *
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* pours Guinness… wayts… *
.
* has an impayshunt egg sighted *
For a Boxing Day prezzie, LCB sits down at teh harpsychord and plays a song for her phlonquais and teh many facets of his personality. Piggehnality? *shrug*
Piggehs
(aplologies to LubhimandskweezhimandcallhimGeorge Harrison)
Sing along: youtube.com/watch?v=JEQeRLT1HNQ (copy and paste or click on LCB’s blue name)
Has u seen teh guinness piggeh
Playing in teh hay
If u axe teh guinness piggeh
LCB’s teh pleh
But there’s no excape; he is her phlonquais.
Has u seen teh burglar piggeh
And his faux moose stash
U will find teh burglar piggeh
Steeling all ur cash
Always charms teh cween wif his fronsch ack scent
In his guise as Mick he’s pouting
Scrooge McPig spreads discord around
Cracking wise and sometimes shouting
Is he sane? We’re often doubting.
Every day there’s lots of piggehs
Posting piggeh jibes
U can see them in teh commints
Launching diatribes
But we lubs GP (and alter egos)
One moar time?
Weeeek weeek weeeek weeeek
* is… speechless *
*is speechless at GP bein speechless*
* considers removing teh hyooge box he bought adn signing lcb a sawng insted *
O hai, GP! Ai wuz tellin mah Momkat abowt yew on Krissmiss Eve nite. She had a taep uv a show called “Hammy Hamster” runnin — dere iz a pinny gig on dat show & dey cawls him “GP!” Iz bery kyoot show full uv win & awsum & it maeded meh fink uv yew.
Egg Salad! ai is teh faymuss!
I thot “notoryus” wuz moar lyk it.
umm, well, yesh. taht tu…
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* lukks arownd nerbussly *
or maybe, ‘INfaymuss’…..
Wussit “Tayols ob teh Ribberbank”? Ai yuse to wotch taht wehn Ai wus lidl
But wait, there’s moar!
Click my name for ur other prezzie. It was, um, gived to u while u was sleeping.
O ai wunnered whut taht wus!
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Umm… whut can ai sai…? umm, fankies?
Flim awn upcoming epeesode ov London Ink.
Next epeesode ov London Ink: Louis MoLOLoy tattoos sleeping Guinness Piggeh.
LCB – ur sawng is fulla win an awsum!
**bows in awe of presenze of LCB**
{{{{{lcb}}}] Yoo ar teh best!!!!!!!!! @@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@
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Waht an nise thing fur teh kyootest Guinness Piggeh we ebber had heer. LOL!!! Corse – he’s teh ONLY GP . . .ROLF!!!
*snikr* ROLF?????? Ai can haz a verree happee haus? With laffing floors an wallz an windoze an ceelings??? an doorz.
.
A’m bringing mango lassi -s!! Lots ov tehm. Cold. Iz an Indian drink, fur thoze hoo maybee dont know, maed wif yoghurt an . . mangos! An reelee delishus!!
.
An sum REEL chai – fresh maed bai mee!! Wif fresh crusht Cardamum an grated fren ginger! To DYE fur!! Sez ai wif grayte modestee!!
**brings nawn-deskript bocks an puts unner tree**
It iz niselee wrapped wif Krissmiss kitteh paypur.
Oops! I forgots my fud…
I bringed Red Velvet Cake. Iz my favrit.
Oooh – wif teh creem cheez icing?
*drool*
Ob coarse!
I alsew broughted Carrot Cake, cuz I kno sumun heer lykes it.
Duzzit haz teh creem cheez icing too?
…
NS lurves teh creem cheez icing.
red, where is u, itz ur turn to open a prezzent!!
Swuups down to grab piece ov red velvet cake! Iz my favrit tew! Nom Nom Nom YUM! Fanks rhsb!
*carriez in a small shinee cyrstal bock*
*it seemz to glow from teh insied*
ooh, forgot to say wot fuds I has brot!
I has a giant bowl uv egg nogs here, made wif reel whippy creem that teh skwirrlz made, and it mite has just a *teensee* bit of burbon innit.
Egg nogs! Ai nawt mayde egg nogs dis yere! Ai can haz larj cup?
Ai has to leev mai bockes under teh tree *has a lip dat goes shiver* u shoor?
*Cimbacat holds on tait tew a beeg pinky bockes wif nawt sew guud taid ribbons on it*
*teh bockes smells funnee*
*Cimbacat smells funnee*
*teh bockes is drippy*
oh, ai furgot tew screw da lid back on teh tequila?
*shakes teh bockes – teh bockes iz drippy eben moor*
**crawls unner tree an starts likkin teh leeky bocks**
*Big blak kitteh joins floofy wite kitteh* Mmm, bocksing day much fun, yesh?
Ai has tu goes tu bank so probly will miss da partee…ai gonna bee gone bout 1/2 hour. *continues likking leeky box wif frend*
oh noes, it will still be goin on, ifinkso!1!
Ok den, Ai brotted big tray ub peenut budder fudge an budder cookees and big nebber endin pitchur ub eggnog wif cap’n morngan in der for da refreshmint tablol. *Puts medyum size box unner tree, box wrappd in gold shinee paper wif red velvit ribbon wrapt roun it ending wif large red bow*
oh i almost furgoted, bringed sum fud az well. Letz seez… lef overz frum teh Smorgasbord… thar’s herrin adn salmon, adn sum swedish meatbalz, adn sum ham… adn som schnapz uv cors! oh noes thar’s nivvah n e schnapz lef ovah… nao wher didz i put dat tequila?
I bringz a lubblee chokklit pecan pi …….
*haz nawt-furst thotz bowt sharing such a wundermuz pi.*
And diz b mai prezzee fur dhe party.
*setz down a smawl box bowt deh size uv a crakker bawkz.
*It b rapt in a deh sparklee bloo paper wif a wite ribbin.*
*nom nom nom nom nom nom nom*
Ai LUBZ pecan pi…uz nawt get pecan pi in CKP (cold kitteh plaiz)
oh iz sooz, ai had moor dan mai shair?
*nom nom nom nom nom*
*jk2 carryz in awd shayp bocks covrd in wet red paypr an snoe*
*shayks hed an bocks, bocks rattls suspissushlee*
*snoe fawls off bock an hed*
ohai ebbeywun! sry bout teh snoe, wii haz much snoe heer todai! ai hoep mai bocks izznt tew snoe-ee tew put bai teh tree!
*jk2 skurrees bak owt, forgottes teh fud!*
*bryngs in playt uv rumcaek*
*puts rumcaek awn taybl next tew piis*
mmmm rumcaek!
goes reelly gud wif burbon eggnog, tu!!
*sloshes a littul eggnog wile cutting a big peace of caek*
wii bettur nawt get theez tew cloas tew teh fyr!
…
*places a larj platter uv homemade cookies on teh table*
Teh cookies be Maple Sugar Cutouts; Sugar Cutouts; Sawft Ginger Cookies; Oatmeel Cinnamonomonom Chip Cookies; Choclolate Chip Cookies. Awl maeded frum skratch.
creeeeeky wheel noizes as Igor
pushes the big gurney rolls through teh doors
wif loooooong wooden box on top,
a little dirt clinging to the edges and top
leaving muddy trails frum teh wheels
and has a red bow stuck to teh tawp of teh box
….
ohai Igor!
um… dats a pretty big bocks…
*luks askanse*
*gets a littul rinkle between hur eyez*
um, itz not RESEARCH is it?
is an almost-successful research project frum Igor.
*rinkel deepens*
duz it need to be… refrigermated?
only until sumwun picks it frum teh pile of bawkses (*Igor waits eagerly*) and hooks teh wires up to the big litening rod awn teh roof.
*leeza approches teh long plane bocks*
*takes a BIG swig of egg nogs*
*pokes at teh lid of teh bocks*
*something insied makes a noyse*
*leeza runsawayveryfast to a safe distanse*
.
R u shure this is safe, Phillipe?
safe? safe? … we’z talking Igor here. Teh concept, it duz nawt apply, akshually.
.
ummm. ai askeded him. he said wurds like “interesting” and “sinefifical brake-throo” and “they saidz it cud neber be dun but ai showeded them yes ai did …”. I didn’t hear him say “safe”, though.
Living danjerously can be teh fun!
.
Oar – iz teh operativ werd heer “living???”
that’z wut the big cables and the litening rod are for. ai finkso.
Um…. Igor is a bit layt… Halloween was tew munfs ago.
okays Janet! Den.. wud u open teh bocks for me, plzthxIis2skared?
oh wells… guess I has to do it myself!
*takes a big swig of teh shampers Phillip givved her*
*and OPENS TEH BOCKS*
.
*luks insied*
OH!! Dat is.. um… dat is….
*turns to Igor*
Wut is dat??
And iz it waterprooft?
*luks in teh box*
Igor mutters about “sum assembly re-kwired…” and takes teh big snaky cables over to the window,
climbs out and hooks them to the litening rod,
*dark cloud conveniently passes over cheezland*
*rumble rumble rumble*
kkkkkkkkzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaappppppppppppp!!!!!!
hay luk Janet!
*pulls owt remote control*
Ifinkso I iz sposed to yoose this!!
*pressez teh ON button*
*bockz starts to vibrate*
*the top of the box crashes open*
*a tall figure sitz up and looks around*
*broad showlders*
*strong muscles*
*big bolt through teh neck, but that’s standard ekwipment*
he getz up and walks stifflegged over to the drinks
*floor shakes*
wait, wutz he wearing?
tall rubber boots, wif the tops folded over?
teh protective waterproof coat wif reflective tape awn it?
teh helmety hat wif a number awn the frunt?
can it be?
a franken-fyreman?
….
oooOOOoohhhHHH!
and I can yoose teh remote to, um, control hims?
yup.
*luks arouwnd wif a worry*
someone is bownd to steel him if I don’t do soemthing…
*opens remote, programz it to onlee respond to LEEZA’s voyse command or fingurprintz if using manyooally*
Ifinkso I need a name for him tho!
How abowt… Rocky??
NS shows up erlee to werk (dis nawt happening bery offin) so to taek part in teh Boksing day festibiteez.
…
*places an oktagunul shaepd bawks unner teh tree*
Teh bawks iz rappd in shimmery paper dat seemz to changin kulurs as yew tilt teh bawks or tilt yer hed. Iz purplol! No – iz bloo! No – iz green! etc… Dere be tiny liddul faeries flitting arownd teh bawks & sending burst of (hypoallergenic, non-toxic) faerie dust into teh air.
Aiz culurblind, culur no matter – baut iz prettee yes
*nods*
**Flies in an drawps minee minnee smawl boksiz, abowt teh syze ov ring boksiz, unndur teh tree. Dese are gifteez fur teh YNGS! Mai secrit santa/yankee exchanj giftee is owtside, bee ryte back! **grabs a Guiness fur teh trip**
**Fliez back in, liddlol wobbly frum Guiness.**
**Drawps meedyum syze bawks wif gowld and wyte sparklee snowmens rappin papur, wif gowld and wyte bows an ribbuns**
**Alsew drawps new resa pee shugur cookees awn table, dey are best eber shurgur cookees wif secrit ingredee, ingriduent, um secret fing in dem. An frawstin!**
**grabs guiness, luks arownd to see if aneefing tew make blackantan wif**
* hands bottlol ob brown ale *
Fankee GP! *Pourz carefully** Dis iz nyce pardee, aifinkso! Yew habs gud hollyday?
meh, eet wus teh otay ai pose. stoopy fambilee stuff awlwais a prollum… pfft.
.
aneewai! lolpigburglar has sent sum shampers ober frum Paris so wii can has Black Velvet tu! Aneewon?
I’ll has one. I has to go in a few whiles to do some errants.
* pours lcb a black velvet *
.
pick mai prezunt lcb!
.
pfftnawttahtshedeserbeseetawlaigawtwusasawng
Nawt to soudn too stoopee. . .Black velvet??? Cleerlee a drink, since yoo poured it.
.
May ai hav a tayste???
Yesh, yesh, ob corse!
.
* grabs a gnu glass *
* half fills wib Shampers *
* pours half pint ob Guinness inna otter glass *
* carefully carefully carefully decants Guinness on tawp ob Shampers *
.
Et Viola! Black Velvet! Yu can awlso maek a ‘poor mans’ berzhun wib cider.
Iz teh guinness an teh shampain awl mixed togevver. Ackshully ai has nebber tried it, altho ai has had plenty ob each awn tehr own.
But… but… I didn’t bring a prezzie for teh grabbity thingy. I was up all nite riting GP’s song then holding him down while teh tattoo artiste applied his other prezzie.
.
yu meen… taht WUS mai prezunt?
.
* removes HYOOGE bocks frum unner tree *
Well, there is this… envelope.
*hands GP a envelope wif his lolmas bonus moneys in it*
*some not from teh Nomopoly game, even*
* opens envelope *
.
* hands lcb gnu pair ob OLU’s *
.
Happee lolmas
*wobbly lip, leeky eyes*
Whut? U not like ur prezzies and bonus?
Ahem, plz tu nawt cawl meh naymes…
.
synce teh ack sea dent ai canut stawp mai lip wobbling oar mai eyes leeking…
.
Ai tells yu whut… affer awl tihs madness is ober, ai gibes yu mai reel prezunt.
.
{{{lcb}}}
*sniffles*
*gives back stolened mug*
*leeves party wif a sadness*
* has a beeg confoozed *
* scampers affer lcb *
wot? y r u taking ur present back????
u can’t do that, u alreddy openend one!
GP is cheeting!!
ai is nawt teh cheeting! at leest aidonutfinkso! ai donut nose whut is going awn aneemoar!
LOL!! YESH!! Iz ar usual chaos – just testing teh theeoreee!!
OH!! An GP!!! Yooo hav never bin to wun ov ar rayces yet!!! Yoo will luv it! They ar so fun. We can haz wun soon. Leeza-b an ai will planet!!
yesh yesh, taht sownds liek teh phun!
.
plz tu nawt forget tho, ai has taht… umm… surprise planned fur sumthyme inna Janyooairy… Iffn teh builolders get eet reddy in thyme!
wot surprise???
wot wot wot I wanna know!!!
but if u can not tell, can u tell wot day?
I herd rhsb say hur burfdai was teh Jan 18th, so maybe we mite has a race for telling hur happy burfdais!!
Y dontchu open a prezzie then?
Ai tew habs stoopy famblee stuff. *syz simpafecticully* But myne are here (in mai town, nawt my howse (DO NAWT WANT) yeer rownd.
BBlack velvet! YAY! Ai can has black velvet??
yesh yesh, ob corse!
* carefully pours Black Velvet fur parrothead *
okays, is we reddy to start opening prezents or shud we wate a few minnits for latecomers?
aifinkso wii shud wayt unteel half past whutebber hour eet ees!
.
* still getting ober teh shock of ‘prezunt’ frum lcb *
okays, go picks owt a prezzie den, open it, and tells us wot it is!!
I meen, at 1/2 past.
Dats 7 minnits, ifinkso!
I was finking we shud go in teh order we posted in?
Sew u wud be furst.
okays piggeh, itz time!
U go first!
Tehn rhsb, then me, and sew forth.
Corse if tehre’s anyone that’s ackshully WERKING, and can’t stay, tehey can go ahed and picks too!
or till rhsb and kerry r past out frum lickin da leeky bocks… moar prezunts fur me
*giggles*
heer gp, mebbe diz glaz uv brandee will help!
No need to be shocked. Just use a mild soap for a few weeks and avoid all fried foods.
But himz sew kyoot wif fur awl stikkin owt frum deh shocks!
Himz shud stay away frum PdB’s prezzie, aifinkso. Itz hooked up to a litening rod.
* rummage rummage rummage unner teh twee *
.
* eyes awl teh prezunts *
.
* gentlee, gentlee opens teh glowing bocks frum leeza *
.
OOO lookit! eet’s a ______
*tremblolz wif…..
antici…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
payshun*
wot iz it wot iz it????
(pretendins not to know for drama ticks effect)
Leeza — ai nao haz a worried. Teh prezzie duzzint …. um … eet pinny gigs, duzzit?
umm… ai is nawt teh shore… wai for eet is glowing?
becaws itz MAJICK, of corse!
O nao ai seas whut eet ees!
.
* watches as majikal beer mug fills wib Guinness *
.
mmmMMMmmm fankies {{{leeza}}}
.
Otay, hu is teh next? * hydes majikal mug behynd bakk *
rhsb, but I can’t find hur!!
ifinkso this iz becoming teh ushual kayoss…
OK everyboddy…. ifinkso we can just starte gettin grabbity!! go ahed and take a prezent, if u can’t tell wot it is, ask hoo brot it, they shud know!!!
Iz Madame Zorba comng to teh partee???
oh, I tolled hur not to come!
I figured everyone wud want hur to tell tehm wot was in teh bockes!! That wud be cheeting, u knows.
But but but but, den hao will we steel odder peeps prezunts? **keeps wun eye on GP wif dat mug**
um.. well u just steels them!!!
LCB maybe u shud demonstrayte…?
*sneeks up behine GP*
*YOINK*
HAY! AI wuz gonna steel dat!! Iz nawt ur turn, **finks hard** I meen, ok, yew tuk ur turn, rite, yew stole GP’s prezzie, sew nao iz mi turn, I steel frum yew!
.
Hay! gib taht bakk! hu ebber tukk eet!
I’M BAK! I hadda taek shower.
It wuz gonna be kwik, tehn teh YNG’s started showin up…
.
.
You kno how it iz…
Itz yer turn to opening a giftee, rhsb!!!!
But, I jes gotted a giftee, NS.
.
.
.
Oh, wun dats unner teh tree!
.
.
Hmmm….witch wun do I want? Enny suggeshtuns?
Da suzpenz iz killin me! **Pushes suspenz awai**
*wakz suzpenz on teh hed*
YOU LEEV PARROTHEAD ALONE, YOU NASTEE SUZPENZ!!!
Fanks nighshayde! Yew sabe-ed mai lyfe! Ai gonna git moar eggnog, yew want sum whyle we wait? An wait? An wait?
*passes out frum da anti..sumfin. or iz it teh tequila?*
*propz Cimbacat in a corner so him duzn’t git tramploled on in deh stampede fur deh prezzeez.
Hai cweenmj!! ai’m layte an cant stay long – going to mai sister’z haus! But – where doo we put teh prezzies??
ifinkso put urs under teh tree, and go ahed and grab a prezent and open it!
I don’t know why no one’s opening teh prezents?
*frets*
Pssst — ai nominaytes yew to going next, Leeza.
I alreddy is trying to open Phillipe’s!
But something is moving in teh bocks. I want to know if itz safe before I opens it!
Go ahed and open a prezent nightshayde!!1! I don’t fink we can go in order, we has alreddy lost rshb somewheres and she was sposed to be sekkund. Itz just teh ushual ICHC kayoss.
**gibs prezzie to parrothead**
I want u to open dis wun!
YAY!! **ripz open prezzie*** *eyez wydin*
Why, rhsb, dis iz teh bestist ______________
Instruckshunal bideo (by me) awn hao to pole danse!
It comes complete wif 2 of my patented rooteens – “So Hot” by Kid Rock an “You Can Leave Your Hat On” by Tom Jones.
MY BIDEO!
Hay piggeh gib dat back! Ai nawt shore rhsb haz unnerweres awn in dat bideo! **chases piggeh** Buoys can’t pole danse eneewai… oh wayte…. hmmmmm……otay, GP, yew go practice and come back and show uz wut yew lerned. **settlols back wif rhsb to wait fur dah show **klikkees glassus wif rhsb**
Yesh, dis cud be innerestin.
**whispurrs to PH**
Gud fing I’m drunk, aifinkso!
*pulls up a chare*
*pours a round uv sour applol martoonies for the grrls*
wehn duz teh show start??
Purhappz ai shud git drunk two! Ohai leeza-b, fanks ffur dat martoonie! Yum! Iz dat GP a kwik studee? (he heh, i sayed stud an GP in sayme sentince)
rhsb — yer tern!!!
Wut wun do I want?
.
.
Iz distrackted by awl teh shinee prezzents…
**hands non-metallic hook to Leeza-b*** here, yewz dis an stan far back!
**pulls NS’s prezzie out**
Wut a purty packidj!
**rips open paypur**
Wow! I nebber seed ennyfink lyk it!
Wut izzit?
PH – I want u to open dis wun…
*luks at hook*
use this for wot?
Alright! Who gibbed Leeza teh sharp objeckt?
Do u nawt kno abowt teh court order?!?!
*hooks rhsb by teh unnerwares*
Tew opun dah prezzie yew were scared tew touch! From Igor/PDB. *confuzed*
Dats nawt MY unnerwares!
I nawt warin enny.
Purhapz ai mayded a misstake. Yesh, I shoar did. I will jist take dat huk back, bery jintly dere Leeza-b. **appro chuz kawshusshlee**
um…
*wonders if seh made a mistaek this morning and rapped up a wurmhole insed of teh bottomless beer mug taht self fills wif guiness?*
Ohai eberybuddy! Merry Krissmaus! Ai hope u awl had a wundermuss day yesterday. Ai was mostlee cookin an tehn mostlee nommin wiv a liddle bit ob snooozin awn teh sofa. Wuz a gud day.
An – ai did NAWT watch teh Sownd ob Moosic! Again!
Ok, mai prezzint.
*SJ/Martoonie places a smawl but strangelee hevvy pakkage under teh tree. It feels liek wut is awn teh inside is sumhow bigger dan wut is awn teh owtside. And teh pakkage is humming strangelee*
Ai is onlee heer breefly becaws ai has to go back to pakkin teh bags becaws ai has to catch a plane at 6 ay emm in teh mornin. Dat meens ai must be at teh hareport at 4 ay emm. An DAT meens ai must get up before ai goes to bed! Pleh. Ai sees u awl neckst yeer! Happy Noo Yr!
Oh mai gudness! Ai forgot teh fuds!!! Ai so sowwy. Ai brings – turkey sammidges, turkey curry, turkey soop, turkey friccassay, turkey pot pi, turkey a la king, turkey a la cween, turkeyburgers, turkey trifle an turkey surprise.
Uh, ai had a liddle turkey left ober.
Haz a saef trip, martoonie — and sleep well wen yew iz on teh plane … aftur yew geddup befoar yew goes to sleep.
*wandurrs away, skritchin hur hed*
Fanku nightshayde, ai finkso ai needs wun ob dose space-time continyuuuyuyuuum fingies.
Mebbe yew shud chekkin teh prezzies? Dere mite be wun unner teh tree. *shrug*
Ohai SJMartoonie!! Merry Kirsssmaus!!!
.
Wahre ar yoo going this taim???? an getting up befoar yoo goes to bed sounds reelee trikee. But if enewun can doo it, ai’m shur itz yoo!!
OHai Janet! Merry Krissmuss to u and ur elebenty kittehs! Ai’m awf to Horse tree yah, ai’m flyin to Innsbruck for teh skiing (ai nawt skiing in Innsbruck, dey’s gawt no mowntins, but dat’s wehr the hareport is). Altho ai has a bad back, so ai may nawt ski, ai may just stay in bed late, get up for teh lawng lunsh, take a liddle walk in teh sno, has a hawt choklit (wiv rum in it), maybe a liddle snoball fite, has sum gluhwein (which duz nawt has gloo in it, ai checked), tehn a hawt baff an dinner. Mai lazy nawtrlydoinsport sportin holiday, let me show u it!
oooh SJ, even if u don’t do teh ski fing, check out tobogganning at teh ski slopes!! It’s cheeeep and easy, and teh fun!! Ifinkso I went at Aximer Leesum…. but I fink they has the toboggan runs at all teh ski resorts. They calls it ‘roedling’ or something near to that, tho!
Ai has nebber been awn a toboggan. Ai finkso ai needs a beeg hunky Awstriun ski instrucktor to help me.
Ai SED, ai needs a beeg hunky Awstriun ski instructor! Ennybuddy? *taps foot*
I’m shure u can find one, just luk halpless and make shure to put on some glittur i-lashes, use as needed!
Ohhhh! Taht shud bee so nice!! Heer – kwik – ai’m sernding yoo mai green dirndl. Itz a bit awld fashuned nao. . . But ai’ll be you’d luk reelee teh kyoot innit!
.
An skiing – ai havn’t bin in yeerz!! Oh – an if yoo havn’t dun it yet – go to teh trawp ov the awld O’Lympic skee jump!! It’s teh funniest thing!! Wehn yoo luk dawn frum teh tawp – waht yoo see below iz a beeeg cemetery!!!
Ai finkso ai wud be in teh cemetery if ai tried teh Lolympic skee jump. Fank u for teh dirndl – mai gudness, ai feels liek yodellin awlreddy!
*ahem*
OHai awn a hill stud a lonelee goteherd…
Yo duh laydee yo duh laydee yo duh laydee dee OH!! !
.
Got to run nao!! {{{{SJ}}}} hav a grayte trip!! Will bee teh byottiful. Ai luvs Teh Asutria wif awl mai hart!!
Huh? woot? iz teh partee ober?? did i miss teh prezzies??
No, Cimbacat — weez awl just standin arownd lukkin confuzzled & nommin teh noms, aifinkso.
*woobles out ub teh corner*
who put me here?
any moor nom left? i cud use sum coffee…
Or maybe sum
Aspreen
Bottlol of coffee
Cinnamon toasties
…
Da cween hurself propped yew dere wen yew passed owt frum, sumfing.
I is trying to get peopel to open some prezzies, but ifinkso they already had too much rum, burbon, tekwilla, guiness, shampers…..
*pop!*
glorp glorp glorp glorp
*hands glass to leeza-b*
n-joy!
*chugs teh last of teh eggnog*
*takes teh glass of…*
wot did u say this was Phillipe?
.
*starts drinking before he cans anser*
ooohhh mimosah!! mmmm fanks!!
*wobbuls a littul*
Oh fien. Ai will goez next — but den sumwun else hasta play too!
…
*opens teh smawl straynglee shayped bery hevvy prezzie dat Martoonie brot*
…
*ducks az sumfin flies owt uv teh bawks*
…
OOOooooh. Itz magimikal shelves dat holds awl mah bakin supplies & floats arownd ober the cownter (yet owt uv teh way) to halping meh baek cookies & stuff. It noez wut ingreedient to hand meh next — an it keeps ebbreefing off teh cownter so ai haz plenty uv rum to rolling teh cookies.
…
Ai lurves it, Martoonie!
NS – I opened ur prezzie but I nawt kno wut it iz.
Kin I has hint?
Well — teh faeries duzzint stay wiffit. Dey iz jus heer to maek fingz super purty.
…
Um… teh prezzie kinda dependz on who openz it — so since yer teh wun…
…
Itz strong, yet sensitive. It cooks if yew want it to. It cleens if yew want it to. It eben cleens teh liddurbawks if yew want it to. It jus holds yew if yew want it to. It keep yew warm wen itz cold owtside (or inside)…
…
Duz dat halp?
Oooh! No wunner I nawt rekognyze it.
Himz berry hansum, too!
**runs awf wif prezzie so nowun try to steel him**
OOoh – and rhsb …. himz will AWLWAIZ smell bery bery gud.
YAY!
**sniffs prezzie**
Yum!
**nibblols awn prezzie**
Oh, NS, I cud jes sop him up wif a biskit. **luuks arown foar biskits**
Egg salad! Ai’m so pleezed u liek it. Gotta run nao an finish teh pakkin, enjoy teh rest ob teh partee eberywun!!!!
*grabz nebber ending glass uv Guinnez wen GP not lukking.
.
ha-Ha!! Pik a nuzzer prezzee GP!!!!!
EEP!
.
* grabs leekee prezunt frum unner tree *
.
Yay! A bottlol ob Gold Tequila! Mai fayborit! waytaminnit! yu eet ees emptee foar?
.
* eyes drunken kittehs *
*hic*
* takingz a swig uv deh Guinness……
MMMMMMMMMMMMM.
.
I gotta run, adn I duzn’t noez hoo (if ennee wun) haz opuned mai bloo bawkz. But I will telling u wut b in it….
.
Itz ……… SHUGGIR PLUMZZ!!!
.
In case u haz neber had dem, dey b deh most nommilishuz nom-nom-nom ebber!!
.
Heer b deh ressippee i gotted frum mai deer departed Awntie Evie.
.
Ant Evie’z Shugger Plumz
.
Makez 4 1/2 duzzin.
.
Melting ober hawt (nawt boiling) wadder: wun 6 oz. pkg semi-sweet chokklit chipz. Adding 3 tablolspoonz lite korm syrup adn 1/2 cup orinj joos.
.
In med bowl, kombine 2 1/2 cupz krushed banilla waferz, 1/2 cup powderd shuggerz, 1 cup nutz, finely choppt.
.
Adding deh semi-sweet mixt shur tu deh dry mixt shure, adn mixing well. Let stand 30 minnitz.
.
Form intu 1 inch bawlz. Roll in granulated shuggirz. Let ripen in kuverd kuntainer sebbril daze.
.
.
Den…..nom nom nom nom nom…..
*asks wun uv teh faeries to fix teh bottlol so it duzzin leek ennymoar*
…
*asks anudder faerie to maek teh bottlol majimikal*
…
Luk GP — if yew waevs teh bottlol jentlee arownd in a circlol free tiemz, it refills itself wif teh tequila!
* waevs bottlol arownd inna circlol free tiemz *
* bottlol refills wib Tequila *
.
Yay! Fankies NS!
Faeriez kin be bery halpful, aifinkso.
*hides behind ns*
I has only had teh burbon, and teh rum, and teh shampers!!
*points to rhsb*
**tryes to luuk askanse at leeza but fawls outta chayre**
THUNK!
.
.
Ooowwww…
Deer leeza-b – ai haz to go – an teh partee is such fun!! What a grayte idea it wuz. An ai so wish ai cud stay – az it iz, ai hav styed too long! Ai’m spozed to bee at mai sisters haus ten minnits Ago!!!
ByE *sniff*
*wave buhbye to Janet*
bai jch4k!
ai wantz a kitten wotz knows 2 giv me de clawzzz wen i goes where ai shuld Knot
Wii needs to find anudder lol, aifinkso.
there shud be a noo one in about 2 minnits, ifinkso.
Befour GP comez back tew pole dans? **luks upset**
dun bother
i haz lolbuntu
*rushiz inn carrying fronsh bred, sammin roe caveear, bree, adn a nyce red wine, az well as a lumpy pakkidge taht luuks lyke it wuz rapped bye a spaztik 2-yr-old*
.
OHAI ebreebuddy! Ai iz sawree Ai’z layte, butt ai obersleeped… a… liddul…
.
*Luuks araownd, seez nuffing butt shreds uv rapping payper, emptee bobbles, emptee pahrtee hatz, emptee glasses, shredded ribbins, playtes wif nuffing butt crums awn tehm, adn a cupple drunked faeries left frum teh prezzie nightshayde bringed*
.
Anybuddy heer?!
.
*[sfx]krikkits*
.
oh, poo. missed it.
.
*Sits, openz wine, haz wine & nomz teh nomz foar brekkfust.*
*sighz*
*Openz prezzie he brawt – iz a katnipp dingleball*
*Inhalez deeplee ov teh dingleball, playz wif dingleball a liddul*
*[sfx]dingledingle… dingledingle…dingle… ding*
*sighz*
.
*wololbbles back 2 teh depps ov teh vast “Woozled Ded Treez Refferns Liberary of Ackshul Boox adn Nawt teh Intertubez” foar a napp*
**Wanderz threw….. lukz at awl deh detriuz uv dhe partee….
**batz at dinglol ball…
Ding… dinglol…. ding…
.
*pikz up wine bottlol and lukkingz in wif wun i-bawl.
Not enuf tu eben haz a sip.
*sigh*
OK, nao sighnz it fur me – “Anomonis”
An wotch de spellinz, Inestine!!!!1!!
Noooes! Noes! You typin rong letters ..
Hear I showz yoo – see, wiffout lookin!!
Nao wears dat maus gawn ..
Ah, I tinkz I haz it .. !!1!
i so needz tht