Monorail kitteh
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R u maching me, kitteh?
* weeeeeeeeeeeeek weeeeek weeeeeek *
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Rats? Check.
Conga Lyne? Check.
Monorail Kitteh tu Ty Booteek? Check.
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LCB, ai can has boblol hedded Guinness Piggeh??? Can ai? Can ai? Can ai?
Did u say “has” or “be”? Either way, ok. I is feeling teh generuss.
Hay! Taht is nawt mai generuss yu is feeling!
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O wayt…
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* ponders hao tu maek most ob lcb’s rare generussitee *
um, iz u not gonna take that bobblol hedded GP?
*yoink*
Hay! gib taht bakk!
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iffnaididnawthasalolcatburglartiedtumeh…
waiaiorta…
Ohai GP!
Guess wut, I iz done wif my crissmuss shoppin now!
*raps up bobblol hedded GP for speshul frend*
want anothur sugar cookie?
Coooooooooookiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!
*hands GP some xcepshunally slolpilly decorated sugar cookies*
my nephews did teh desecratin, can u tell?
Is better tahn normal!
*hedbonk*
Ohai Leeza! Hao did teh cookie making wif ur nephews go? Got enne xtra? Huh? Huh? Do yah? Ai’ll trade yoo a razzbery skone fur a cookie!
*hedbonks DK*
ohai!!
well teh nephs were a littul wild, it was all we cud manaj to get teh sugar cookies done, and I hadda take tehm out of teh house before teh kittehs had a nervuss borkdown.
*trades cookies for skone*
Iz u having fun wif ur dotter?
Ai has xsperience wif da wild nephews – fankfullee dey libs in teh Yukon (neer Alaska, doncha no
).
It wuz GRATE to see mai dotter yesterdai ebening. Her n her dad n hims partner n mii hadded teh Chineez fuds togezzer, tehn bisited fur awhile. Teh dotter adn ai were finking abowt going up to teh barn todai, butt is too stormee. Hopefullee tomorrow.
Ai is smarting todai. Ai founded owt taht teh ex-bf borked up wif mi so hims cud getting bak togezzer wif hims former gf. WHI DIDN’T HE JUST TELL MI TATH!!!!! So much coyness and drama that didn’t need to be. Adn awl teh while, teh separashun frum hims wyfe nawt final. Pleh pleh pleh!!! Oh where oh where R teh gud mens???
Yu rang?
Lolz!!! Yoo know teh cheezmens R teh bestest!
yesh yesh, wii is teh majikal.
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O, has yu lawst wate?
Ai lubbs yur hare!
Is taht a gnu dress?
*sigh* Wai . . .yoo AR prrrrfekt!!
ai wud hab sed dat, butt hims sed it nawt-second…
ebreebodee fawls in lub with a pinny gig from TTI! (Its partlee da axent. Aifinxo!)
Yes!! Teh ack scent!! SOOOOOOO kyoot!!
.
Maeks mee teh sad that we no can haz a kyoot ack scent.
*sniff*
Sumhao, itzs just nawt FAIR!!! Waht did we ebber doo??
okaiz…ai’z heer…wut wurr ur otthur tew wishes?
Hmm, two ovver wishes, eh? Let mi think. Ai wish mai mum wuz still alibe, so ai cud go habbing a cup ob tee wif her, adn tok abowt it. Adn mai sekkund wish iz dat mai dotter habs teh bestest luk in lub.
hmmm….teh nawt-second wish….ai mite nawt bee ablol tew delibber dat…
awn teh second wun…..hmmm….
DK! Donchu steel beh jaylbait??
oh noes!!!
on teh other hand.. .at leest u knows now there was prolly nuthing u cud do…… ifinkso u is lukky that one gotted away!
We cud make himz sorry tho.
We cud:
Add elebenty cases uf livah to his shopping cart
Bork his favrit CD
Creep in2 his house and vaseleen his doornobs…
D….
Debrief him. Wif extreme predjoodice
Eat up all his fuds
Fire rumbert bands at his hed.
G…
Garnish himz fudz wif hareblz
Halp ower sefz tu himz cognac klekkshun
I….
Itchin powder in hims shorts an sheets
Kill him a millyun tiems
Lash him tu da hood ub car
Make dye so all hims clothes is pink
Noogies wif brass nuckles
O…..
Invite teh guys in soots on teh bicyclols to come witness to hims
Jump on hiz bed til teh springs bork
Kick him in teh *
L…..
Ow…dat sawndz paynfull
*noet tew self: nawt tew bee maekin dese laydeez mad att meh…*
Lick ur palm and keep tutching him withit
Mail his blongings to Abu Dhabi
Nullify his existence.
O…
Order pizzas to hims haus awl day an nite
Pan fry him
Qwills, porkypine ones, in hims feets
Run him obber wif car
Send him on sloe boat tu china
Tappy dans on hims hed wif combat boots
U….
Ululate in his ears
Violate his personal space
Wake him up at 3 am wif a bugle.
X…
Xtra proctology appts fur him
Yellow snocones
Zippers superglood open so hims cant leeb haus
Dat otta teech hims!!
Xfoleeat hims beerd
Yank hims chayn
Zero owt hims chekking akownt
FTW AngelPlume!! Xfoliate wif epilady!! Ai wuld bai tikkits tu sees dat!
Hello laydeez. Littul slo dis morning. Oh, iznt morning enny moar. Guess i’m eben slower den ai thot.
*whispurrs* Ai still in jammies! Husbin at wurk todai, so ai bin bak an forth wachin da Charger game an on compooter. Iz cold, ai warm an nawt wanna take off awl da warm layers ai habs on!
*whispurrs* me too, got up at teh krak ob noon agin. Iz cold adn rainy, adn ai hab a matinee tu get reddy fur soon, but ai fink ai mite be kummin down wif wateber sikness haff teh cast is fitin wif. Bin gargolling wif rum and nomming teh bitamin C, hope it helps.
Oh noes, ai hopes yu nawt gits da pleh…rum nebber kin hurt, aifinkso! Win ai hab da pleh an sorethroat, ai likes tu hab brandy! Goes down warm an meks tu feel sew much bedders!
Fankies {{KK4}}. Teh rums adn teh brandeez are teh tu fings aib got wif hi pruf tu kill teh nastee buggers. Ib herd salt wudder iz better fur dat but is teh majur pleh. Habbin mai brekfist nao (Luky Charms nomnomnom) den need tu hit teh showr adn get movin agin.
Zicam iz guud stuff…if yu takes it wen yu jes starts tu feels sik, it kin shorten da pleh an mebbe keep it aways. Ai uses dat a lot.
Yeh – got sum ob dat fur teh wyf a wyl bak, seemd tu wurk pritty gud but iz gon nao. Mai frote duz feel a littul better todai so mebbe ai fawt it off *sez silent prayr to CC*.
Bye nao, mebbe ail chek bak in affer teh sho.
Feels bedder, an ai hopes dat yur day flys by wif kwikness!!
yoo hedbonked meh?
um, no… I wud be skared to hedbonk a dragun!
4.5 kittehs alsew goes by DK (diamond kitteh).
i know, itz confoosing! and now there is DaKat too!!
o yah…ai furgotted dat….espeshulee sinse hur naem nawt has DK in eet…
mai bad….
btw, wai wud yoo be fraied to hedbonk meh?
well.. u is a dragon.. gettin near ur nose.. well wut if u sneezed or got teh hikkups?
sneezin adn habbin teh hiccupz arre wai differeunt den breefin fyer….tew breef fyer, ai has tew tri tew…
oh okays… I will bemembers that.
*hedbonks DK teh sekkund*
sew…dat’z meh?
*nawt shoor….dere beez tew manee DK’s*
I hereby krissens u DK teh sekkund!
*tuches sword litely on each shoulder of teh dragun*
Mebbe ai shuld change mai name tu DaKerrykatz4!!
nooooooooooooooooooes!
NOOOOOOOO! iz…tew….manee…..DK’s….foar …meh…tew …kiip….trak….ob….
*asploedz, shinee bloo scaelz goen ebberewar*
Ai always fot DK stood for:
4 Dot 5 Kitteh
Mai autism, let me sho it tew yew.
O, dat’s teh sinsible, NC66.
Ai lieks it!
How appropree it — deh LCB and LPB iz tyed tugezzer!!!!!
*grabbz LCB & LPB bai deh rope teying dem tugezzer
*adn hawlz dem off tu deh ty boo teek!!!
O, this is SO not gonna end well.
Iz too! *titenz knotz in roep*
Hay! stawp pulling eet! ai wanna go tihs wai!
* pulls awn rope *
*yanks rope teh other way*
Kwitit! We is goin THIS way.
Uff! ebbery thyme wii goes aneeware!
* yanks rope agen *
Ai wanna bobblol hedded GP! Wai yu awlways wanna lookit at teh OLU’s?
*yanks rope*
I hasta go to teh little catburglars’ room!
AGEN??? Yu wented before wii lefted!
.
omcchaoaigetropedintudiswon
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* stands outside littlolcatburglars room adn yanks awn rope *
HAY! Watchit! U made me splash soap and watters everywhares.
* yanks rope agen *
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Otay, yu is teh cleen nao… PLZ can wii go tu teh Py Stand nao? huh? can wii? huh? PLZ!!!elebenty!!!
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Dey has teh gnu TTI raynge ob Pork Pys taht ai ordered!
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Hurry up! O – M – C – C
*weary sigh*
Ok, ok. But plz to not be nomming up all ur Pork Pyes until we is teh separated.
Pork Py breff. Ewwww.
* lukks arownd fur seperating apparatus *
O! Lookit up there on teh top shelf! Shiny!
*climbs up to top shelf, dragging GP, who bounces of each shelf as we pass*
O, GP! I finded whut I wanted. This shiny device. I is teh so happy.
*looks down, waaaaay down*
*gulp* HALP!!!1
u knoes, GP has bin eeting a LOT of fudgy choklit burfday caek….
*ponders how much he must way by now*
Hay! Ai resemble taht remark!
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* scamperwaddlesawaiveryslowly *
Hay! Where u gonna scamper to, Piggeh? Teh top of this shelf is only about one lolcatburglar and one GP wide, plus about 2 inches.
*shock*
*points to rope*
Whut? Whut about teh rope?
oh my misteak, I thot GP was still dangloling below u, I din’t realize he made it on to teh shelf wif u…
I don’t think he realized it either. He not only has teh pork py breff butg he has teh Guinness breff, too. Pleh.
So anyways, HALP!
annewun want meh tew burn teh roep?
ware is teh cween?
we cud send hur up with a bubblol for u!
orrrrrr…. do we need someone wif a long x-tendabul ladder?
No fire! I is not waring my FRUs!
Although… that mite bring teh firemans…
*dithers*
Not shur?
I finkso teh loltitude is getting to u!
I is not sure I wants to be on fires again so soon after havengin my hed on fire teh other day from teh paper party hat and my non-LCD lites.
ai wuz awnlee gonna burn teh roep…den yoo wuld nawt bee tied tugetthurr….
I guess that mite be a bit muches.
Spacially with the hololidays rite here, and candlols everywhares…
How bout this: we borries Hugh’s watter slide and hooks it up to teh top shelf, and u slides down?
Won’t there be a danger of electrocution?
nawt a chanse ob electrokyooshun eef watur iz nawt attached tew slied…
hmmm. ur rite.
*ponders*
we cud use jello….
Make if sugar-free and u has a deal.
k!
any partikle flavr u wud liek?
AND
I can puts in some alkohol, if u wants to go fast, that way u is going down a jello shooter!
::Hurrily maiks sugar free Jello::
::Mistakenly puts pineapple in fur flavor::
Oh noes!
Wut iz this sloppy mess?
Oh well, gud fur slidin’ aifinkso.
Is it gel yet? Is it, huh? Is it, huh?
Moar liek enzyme soup. Wadda fink? Iz gud?
Ai wuld suggest wii yoos teh leftobers fur pina-coladas, but ai doan wanna bii teh wun hoo hasta add teh coconuts.
NO COCONUTTS.
Ai kin sees it now…we all haz LCB jello shots, an we wakes up in da mornin wif awl ar shinee fings gone!
*can’t wait anymoar*
*takes deep breff, dives offa hi shelf, wif GP trailing along behind*
*SPLOOSH*
*sploosh*
u better hurry, we is almost owt du tu teh crissmuss rush!
lines formulate to teh left, plz.
Is otay, ai has a ’speshul’ stash nobuddy nose abowt, aifinkso!
*grabz roep, pullz in otthur dirrectshun*
Oh deer… dis is gunna end in phlunquie headbats, innit?
heer..ai holdz dem, yoo hedbatz dem…dat gud?
Noooesss, ai no wants tew headbat anneebodee… ai juss sayin dis nawt luk like a gud fing…
Slow Down! ai wanna gerroff!
Conga ratz shoo lasiz tew LCB an da pinny gig!
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Ohai pinny gig! *shmoo* Habenerro sea yew in a lotta whiles! Hao yew beh?
Ohai! {{{BDM}}}
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Akshully ai has nawt been heer tu mush, but but but Scrooge McPig has bin filling in fur meh. Wii Guinness Piggehs no liek teh lolmas so mush, akshully. Pleh.
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Hao yu is?
Ai beh da otay.
Skewl is dun foar noa… ai has bork until 5 January. Buddy kitteh seems tew beh gud, sun is shinin eben if it cowld enuf tew freeze yr tushie bai walkin awt da door…. Ai can rests befoar ai goes tew student teash, sew lyf is gud.
Egg salad! Wii has a semi-warm dai heer inna TTI so ai go cycling; ownlee tu sink inna mud adn hab tu gib up adn go home agen!
Ai glad yew has semi-warms inna TTI… cannot imajin goin cyclin in Decememember! Dat wud beh da stranj. Wii haz nearlee six inshes ub snoes nao.
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Duz dey nawt serb lawts ub Guinness at LOLmas dere in TTI?
O yesh yesh yesh! Lawts adn Lawts adn LAWTS! but but but ai has tu be teh strawng… tu mush ob a gud fing is nawt so gud fur me, aifinkso!
Dis beh da troo… tew mush ub a gud fing is nawt sew gud, unless yew beh Mae West, and den tew mush ub a gud fing is wondermaus.
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Butt at nawt moast, dere beh da Giunness! (Ai no sillibrates da lolmas edder…but da dais be gettin lawnger agin!)
ooo yesh yesh, ai had forgotted! Is awl uphill frum heer!
Mah buddy kitteh wants snorgles… bak latur! Guds tew sea yew, pinny gig!
{{{BDM}}} has teh phun!
Neerlee warp speed
Noo imporved monorail kitteh gets u 2 ur destination befoar u even leaves home!
Ur gonna leave meh home?
Yes, but u’ll get there vry vry fast!
NOOOOO nawt ludicrous speed!!!!
Spaceballs ref, FTW.
adn a lol ai has fabrited…
dey’ve gone to plad!
Don’t ever show that again.
He shot mai hair!!
Ai kannawt chanj da laws ub fizzix, catpin!
kitteh iz wurking foar Gringott’s, drivin teh kartz
Oh hai, tessm!!! Ai leeb recipe fur yu on da last thred! Ai hope it mek sense, cuz ai nawt usally uses a wrote out recipe! Ai cooks by da seet ub mai pants, tastin, addin, jes liek ai wuz taut!!
yew cuks in teh seat ob yer pants…….. *nawt shur ai want*
dat thot crossededed mai miend, butt ai decieded nawt tew sai dat…
yer lernin, DK, yer lernin!! LOL
Da tenderizin iz murder!!
…and definitely stay away frum KK4’s fudge.
Awr dey maid rum real brownies?
Ai hurd uh rumor about the Girl Scout thin mints too.
can we jus haz sum hot chonklit?? plz
Shawp’d.
It maeks meh dizzeh! Me want teh ole Monorail Kitty back!
LOL!!!
I like the “naturally” phtographed monorail kitties, too — but this is a COOL Photoshop and it’s not trying to fool folks.
This picture was shot with using the application “Photobooth” on a mac.
Kitteh is luukin spechlee radiant dis morning.
This is what some parts of America needs: high-speed kitteh rail.
Wii could U’s Monorail Kitteh out hear in teh Pawsific Nordweest. Might run bedder den teh MAX Line hear in Porkland. Dat storps iffn there is 2 Mulch Snew..
Snew? what’s Snew? Nod mulch, warts snew wit ewe…
MAX… Metropolitan Area Eggspress a light rail line
*hedesk*
*snert*
Brilliant!
Enginz canna taek any moar!
Kitteh need more ub dem dylithium crystals!!
dangit….hyperdrybe conberturr iz borked again….
is not dizzigned to go Warp Eleventy!!!
u eeted dem mushrooms, din’t u, hooman?
Oh crap, the cat is talking to me!
u meen they don’t always?
Happy hololidayz, deer Cheezpeeps! I wonty haz compyter time fur a few dayz, sew I wishes happy Catmaus to teh Cheezpeeps, along wif enny ovver hololidaze yu lykes
Awl ov yu haz made my lyfe happier nd bedderer, nd I wishes awl ov yu muches in teh way ov comfort nd joy.
Extry special schmoos to teh mens of Cheezland, hu r such bery gud sports.
Buh-bye, booklion! Have fun stormin’ teh chrismess tree!
Fankie, lcb!
Bytehway, did yu see a certain comic strip haz imitayted yu today…but yu hadz it furst.
No, I dint sees. Which one?
*gets reddy to speed-dial lolyer*
Zits.
Sheesh. Axe a serious question and get a impertinent answer.
Oh, wait. I knoes teh one u means. BRB.
Ok. I sees it. Thx!
*gets lolyer on lolphone, sics him on Zits peeps*
Here’s a link for it, will only show correct cartoon today:
arcamax.com/zits
Thanks!! Yurs ar bedder bai far – a YOO did it furst!!!
LCB luks mutch moar festib Aifink
*chekz noospaepurr*
sew dey did!!
haoebberr, ai nawt tink dat dey ment tew dew dat…adn besaidz, iz nawt as gud a jawtb as LCB’s…
srsly? a comik strip imitayted LCB?
Right bak atcha booklion. I sekkund dat emoshun. Cheezpeeps awr teh best, and yer wun ob teh bestest. Happy Holidayz.
ohappy hololidaze blonde in bloo!!!!
hope u can be back for teh Bocksing Day partee!
I fink I’ll be too bizzy wif fambly, but Mary O’Spocken haz prezzeez I is contributing…if teh sweetpea tendrils ov doom don’t keep them all…
But haz teh fun!!!!! It sounds hysiterical.
I’ll make sure to save one for u!
Happy hollendays, booklion! Enjoy yur tiem wif yur famlee!
Schmoo! NC66!
{{{{{DaKerryKatz4}}}}
Yup!! Taht iz waht ai wish fur yoo too!! Awl teh berrie berrie best furebber and ebber!!
{{{{{{booklion}}}}}
Ifz u liek teh pikshur, tehn chek awt mai pikture!!!! MONORAIL KITTEH! NAW WIV DUBL DEKR!! AND TEH NOM NOM SERVIS!
Moar liek TGV Kitteh.
Ugly photoshop philtr phail.
ludacrus speed, go! Whut waz dat? It’s Spaceball one, they’ve gone to plaid.
Ebil will always triumph, cuz good iz dum
I’m meeelllltttiiiiiiiiiing!!!
Itz perfectzz
nice jobz
This headshot totally needs to be shopped into one of the classic Doctor Who intro sequences. Like, Davison’s maybe.
That’s what I thought too, good call.
Reminds me of the old Doctor Who openings. “Man, Hyperspace always looks so freaky.”
Radial blur would have looked better
Pikardkitty says, “Engage.”
Doctor Who kitteh…is explorin da yoonivurss!
LIGHT SPEEED!!!!!
Bloody Photobooth
A “Dr Who” cat!