GETTIN READY… TO OBJECKT TO MAI HUMIN’S MARRIAGE
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: loocute
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GETTIN READY…
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![\"Quantcast\"/](\"http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-94wNw88f65Rhk.gif?labels=MTVN%20Digital%20Tribes\")
*Maus walks to the center of the stage*
This isn’t really an audition. JCH4K said she needed a good laugh today, so I decided to tell The Funniest Joke in the World…
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what?”
*Maus bows and walks off stage*
Ai’m nawt shore u dezerb congrats fur dat, Maus!
*slides in on scambbling legs, knocking over lights, cmaera and several fellow cheezppes*
HEY!
>pantpantpant<
Iz ai teww late fur tew audacious?
Sowwy I nawt fink iz funnee. I losted famlee in deer huntin aksident.
{{{{rhsb}}}}
ai has a urry fur teh poor tasted joking, rhsb. who cud know?
haow did u git 1st komment wiv a fing dat long?! maus, u r trulee amazng!
*Whispers* Ai egg speckt him did wat Ai did – copy an payst!
Moi? Copy-and-paste? Shirley you jest!
Pleez nawt calls meh shirley!
Ai doan’t mined wat peepl cawl me az lawng az dey cawl me in tiem fur fuds!
onlee awn teh wiikends, rite?
Snert!
LOL!!! {{{{{{Maus}}}}}}
Plantz big SCHMOOO awn Maus’s . . .cheek!!
(Ai noe to bee waree ov Maus’s noze!!)
I has a bedder joak fer you peeps:
Three mans was standin at teh perly gaits.
St Peter comes to teh gait an aks teh furst man:
“wut iz yur I.Q.?
He sez:
“about 160″
St Peter sez:
“come in, yoo wil git along fien, we has all teh grait philosofhers hear.”
St Peter aks teh sekund man:
“wut iz yur I.Q.?
He sez:
“avridge, about 100″
St Peter sez:
“come in, yoo wil git along fien, we has all teh grait sports figers hear.”
St Peter aks teh third man:
“wut is yur I.Q.?
He sez:
“about 60.”
St Peter aks:
“so, did yoo git a deer this yeer?”
LOL!
Dubble LOL!! Tho ai think 60 mite bee a bit hai!!
thnx JCH4K and Romeo. Aneewon whoo thinks is fun to shoot innisent amnimals is stoopee. That wus my ex-hubbee.
*heheheheh*
Get it, EX.
Ohai katsRme!! We – Romeow an I, a much against tek killing ov innocent annimals!
yes!! Ai saw teh EX!! Gud fur yoo!! Prollee nawt reelee yur type at awl!!
An
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!
DEERE HAET3R
taht iz funny. in a dark, horrible, an taystless sort ob way, but funny.
is fien joek i tink, but i has herd et SOOOOOO menny tiems b4!
in lotsa vurshuns.
.
.
ohay lunarmommy!
hey chocolatesamus!! long time no see! how are yoo? bizzy wif skool?
dat is funnies joke ai hav herd in a wyle!!
*SNERK SNERK SNERK*
Ai LURVES ded huntur joaks!!!
Teh flourz dat blume in teh Spring tra la ♪ ♫ ♪
Cum bakk, Ai hazn’t finisht yet….
Dat wuz lubbly annipuss! *Politly waves frum da door*
Wud u liek 2 heer a noncore?
Um, well, oh, yesh! Noncor!!! Noncor!! We awl sounds gud heer, aifinkso, sing, sing wif abandon, annipuss!! *scoots inside audytorium wif caution*
w00t! Noncore!
yES!!!! Pleez!!! NONCORE!!! NONCORE!!!!
A wandrin minstrel Ai ….er um Ai fergettid teh rest.
runs awf teh staij wiv kwikniss
a thing ov shreds an tatters. . .
*claps frum a very far distance*
Koko!!! G&S “Mikado” FTW!!!!!
.
Annipuss – that wuz reelee grate! An yur aksent – awlmoast purrfekt!!
Ai noed dat u wud liek dat, JCH4K! Wuz teh ownlee bit uv G&S mai granmacat cud sing.
Do you know “See How the Fates Their Gifts Alot?”
.
See How the fates their gifts alot!
For “A” is happy – “B” iz not!
Yet “B” iz werthier bai far
a grate deal w. . .can’t remembur the werd rite. . . than “B”
Iz “B’ moar werthee??
A .dumdumde du .werthier than “A”
.
Yet. . .”A iz happee, Oh so Happee
Laffing, Ha ha, chaffing, ha ha, nektar quaffing ha ha ha!!
Yet condemmed to dye iz heee,
Wretched meritorious “B”
An so awn. Wun ov mai favrites!!! Just wish ai cud remebrr awl ov the werds!!
Heer u goez JC4K! http://www.math.boisestate.edu/gas/mikado/webopera/mk208.html
Heer u goez JC4K! math.boisestate.edu/gas/mikado/webopera/mk208.html
Ohai Janet! Ai haz bin trying 2 pozt teh linkee 2 teh werds, but WP izznt letting mi, wif or wifout teh http and/oar teh www, sew Ai trai tihs wae *crosses toesis*
math . boisestate . edu/gas/mikado/webopera/mk208 . html
Whoooooo HOooooo!!!! Thanks catsablanca!!!!! ai googled, but dint find enething!!! Yay fur Yooooo!!1 Ai LUBS this sawng!!
*whisprrs to catsablanca* ai wuz “Katisha” in mai ohai skool purrrdukshun!!
Mikado.
See how the Fates their gifts allot,
For A is happy — B is not.
Yet B is worthy, I dare say,
Of more prosperity than A!
Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah & Pitti-Sing.
Is B more worthy?
Katisha.
I should say
He’s worth a great deal more than A.
All.
Yet A is happy!
Oh, so happy!
Laughing, Ha! ha!
Chaffing, Ha! ha!
Nectar quaffing, Ha! ha! ha!
Ever joyous, ever gay,
Happy, undeserving A!
Ever joyous, ever gay,
Happy, undeserving A!
Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah & Pitti-Sing.
If I were Fortune — which I’m not —
B should enjoy A’s happy lot,
And A should die in miserie —
That is, assuming I am B.
Mikado & Katisha.
But should A perish?
Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah & Pitti-Sing.
That should be
(Of course, assuming I am B).
All.
B should be happy!
Oh, so happy!
Laughing, Ha! ha!
Chaffing, Ha! ha!
Nectar quaffing, Ha! ha! ha!
But condemned to die is he,
Wretched meritorious B!
But condemned to die is he,
Wretched meritorious B!
Oh hai. If anybuddy is a majishean and wants to saw somebuddy in half, I iz ready. Aim jest gonna stan ober here in my sparklee tights. Or if anybuddy wantz to throw knifes, ai cud do dat too.
Get thrwon at, ai mean. Not throw knives. Wud not be safe.
oooh!11!!
That’s my talint MeezerMom!!
But I alreddy axed Maus…
Maus is u able to stay and be in my act?
Yup. I “cleared my desk” just for you.
shud we start now or is we sposed to wait til tehy calls our number?
Duz you has a number? I say gopher it…
okays…. *ahem*
*Leeza walks on stage drest in full tuxeedo wif top hat*
*Curtsees to LCB*
Ladees and Gennelmens! I has a stounding feet of majick to purrform for u!
I need a
victimvolunteer plz!*stage wispers*
Maus, dats ur cue!!
*Maus comes out on stage*
*lites come up to reveal a larg wrecktangler box*
Plz to step in2 the box.
*Leeza shoves Maus in the box and shuts the door, and locks it*
*muffled showts come from the box, which Leeza ignores*
Now, Ladees and Gennelmens, I will, before ur very I’s, make Maus disapeer!!
*pulls majick wand owt*
I call upon the Mysterries of the uniberse, to hear me now!
Tiem and Space, they are meeningless! Fold them together NOW!
*waves wand wif a BIG flurrish*
*surr, serr, sekritely pushes oranj button on bwacelett*
*the showting coming from the box abruptlee stops*
*Leeza opens the box, which is EMPTEE*
*Bows*
Sew… whaddaya think?? I can be in teh show? huh? huh??
*Maus pokes his head out of the curtain behind the box*
Did I do it OK?
*hangs hat ober Maus’s hed*
Pay no attenshun to teh man behind teh curtin!!
Got any other tricks? And mabye any other assistants?
Maus…U is fired.
Sowry. I fink this is not teh career for u.
Um, YAS, I has anotter talint, let me go change!!
*Leeza rushes off*
*Rushes bak in dressed as a gypsee, in many colord scarves wif big danglee gold eerings and do-rag*
*ahem*
Madame Zorba at ur service.
I can tell teh futures!!
Wut duz mien hold, O Gr8 Wun?
*lites dim*
Come here, red hedded one…
*takes rhsb’s paw, luks*
U has had some ruff times, I sees here.
Hmm… and some sads this year.
But, I sees noo beginnings!
U will soon, very soon, leeve teh past behind… and a burdin will be lifted from u.
Also, ur watch. Czech wif LCB for that.
Anyone else?
But wut abowt teh mens? I needs tew kno abowt teh mens!
There will be mens…
*give rhsb studied luk*
Wehn teh time is rite.
Yes. These fings cannot be rusht.
Mee!! Meee!! Ai wud laik to know mai future. O Miss Teeree Us Madame Zorba
Come sit wif me my dear.
*takes Janet’s paw*
Hm… I sees u has had a bizzy year!
Many many friends, and peeples; some has gone… but many noo faces have entered ur lief, and brotted u happys!
I see calm kwiet times for u in teh neer future,
and contentmints. Teh choklit kind.
And alsew much fun and travel!!
Also, pawsiblee a big snowball fite.
Make shur u ware ur heavy gloves for that.,
and take teh left flank posishun.
U will fank me.
{{{{{{Madame Zorba}}}}}} Choklit ContentMintz??? An fun an travel??
Ai doo thank yoo awlredee!! Mai hart wuz hebbee, but it iz litening up – ai feel it!!
Madame Zorba duz not ushually hug after reedings, but…
{{{{Janet}}}}
U will has a grate 2009 Janet!!
Madame Zorba has spoken!
anyone else?
*DK steps up wif a nerbiss*
Can yoo see mai fyochur, Miss Teeree Us Madame Zorba?
Oh butovcorse!
Plz come has a seet. Donut be nerbiss!
*takes DK’s paw*
Hmm…anotter year of ups and downs for u my dear.
Tsk. U has bin workin too hard 2.
But I sees a lite wiffin u, that will not be supprest!
I see u in teh upcoming year wif funs, and frends, and pawsiblee a cheezmeet! But u must B+!
This is essenchal.
*luks again*
Oh my.
*pulls owt fur handkuffs and gives to DK*
I fink u will be needing these before me.
*skwink*
ROFL! – (sorry i know this a bit unecessary- but i laugh this hard so very rarely, i wanted you to know.)
Well done Leeza. (and Maus of course!)
*blushes*
fanks!
Um.. don’t u has a talint??
Iz anxshus to see!!
Will wii ebber see Maus agin?
Pssst.
*wispurrz*
Himz teh wun unner teh hat — rite behin teh curtin. Donut tellin ennywun.
*Clappy clappy clap* An heer ai fot dat yur majiklol powers wuz jest a roomer!!
Hay, ennyone else gettin dis stoopy add on da post fing dat mek yu nawt sees wat yu is typin, den yu clikee tu get it awf der it takes yu tu site?
Leeza-b, ai implore yu tu use majikal powers tu make dis goes away!!!
NEXT!
*Angelina kitteh steps up to small syde stayj*
*ahem*
Skoozmi…
Is dis ware teh po-ee-tree reedings b dun?
*luks arownd for objekshuns*
*koff-koff kleers froat*
Ok ai will nao reed a poemm ai rote miseff.
Ai calls it “Teh Diskubberee ob Cheezland”.
*kleers froat agenn*
*stands up tall to mikeefone*
Ai b a small kitteh, still noo tu dis whirld,
Juss free yeers adn kounting, a yung littul gurl.
Mai brudders an sister hab gon tu noo homes,
But dat dozzen meen dat ai libbed awl aloans.
Deres Mama adn Papa adn tu big blak goggies,
We runnd and we playd and we went out on walkies.
But sitting aloof on her hi kitteh frone
Was a kween ob a kitteh hoo roold r kwaynt home.
Dressd awl in blak, she wud sit daer awl dai,
Adn showd me her pointy-ends wen ai tryd to plai.
But slooly ai lernd dat wen frenly adn kind,
Papa wud pet me adn maek me feel fyne.
Den juss wen ai felt ai kud call her a fren,
Ceiling Cat called, tu teh brij did she went.
Ai had me a sad wen mai fren dissapeerd;
Awl alone was ai now, sept for goggies, ai feerd.
Adn den from teh intertoobs – pikchurs ob kittehs
Wit a wurd at teh bottum – a stranj littul ditteh
Dat led to a playse full ob majik adn wunder
A land full of cheezpeeps sharing lubs wid eech udder
So nao ai has happees insted ob a sad,
Cuz a land full of cheezpeeps canna be bad.
Mai old fren is no longer heer bai mai syde,
But nao ai has noo frens wit hoom to konfyde.
Fankies, deer cheezfrens, fur takin teh tyme
To heer ob my storee wit alla its rymes.
May ebreewun no ob teh lub dat is heer,
An how it kan kyoor a small kitteh ob feer.
*bows hed, festiv holidai hat falls off*
*grabs hoidai hat and puts bak on hed*
*bows agenn, holding onto hat wif wun paw*
*runs off stayj wif a kwikness*
*wipes away tear, presses “Passed”*
*sniff* Taht wuz reellee so sad!! But byootiful!! *wipes aies*
Fankyu awl fur such wunderuss ovashuns. U gize r da beffs *sniff*
jus’ lubbly *snif clap clap snif clap*
clappity clappity
*snif*
clappity clappity
*snif*
Oh, dat wuz lubblee poem. *dabs eyes wif hankee an sniffs* Wuz bery touching. *leeps tu feet an applauds wif abandon*
Hay, haow did yoo no mai niknaem?
*continyoos clapping wildlee*
*joins teh stadin obashun* bravabravo!! *clapping wiff arms razed*
*tearyeyesandsmilingfayce*
clappity clappity clappity clappity!
**SNIFF**
dat is wondermus pome!
clappity clappity clappity clappity!
**blows nose on hankee**
HONK!
Mai littul angel. Ai has a prowd.
*sniffle*
*Polls trowsers up to armpits, lyk Symun Cowelll*
Ai pernownse AngelPlume teh Poet LOLeate ob Cheezland!
Dis beautifully written. Maeded me cry.
ooh, taht wuz lubly!
FTW!
*slinks off with sadtail*
iz too gud- ai cannut competing wit thes talntnesses…
Coems bak Kittyboocat! Ai has a shore you has tailents!
Wez wanna see!
{{kittyboocat}}
no sadtail! m sur yu ar berry talintend
iz hard to cum up with gu stuff sometime.
*sniff*
Dat wuz wunnermus! Yew will hazzin mai vote!
*claps flooffee pawz bery bery lowdlee*
Wunnerful! Wunnerful!
*sniffsniff sniff*
*dabdabdab*
Den whistles an clappeties!
oh wat a wundermous poemz. *moe snifs an wiepz a teer*
Aifinks weh jes tramplol awl obber eechudder an jump awn in, leeza-b!
Ai cud frow knifes, but is not saef eever, aifinkso… So mebbe ai jus pull up chares n be watchins
object on teh gwound of ny poyntee ends!
Kitteh objekts cuz she thinkz itz jest puppy luv.
Esteemd judges, heer is mai tallint
I kin impersonate Bette Davis in da movee
“Watever Happin tu Baby Jane”
Bette has runnd ober hur sister, Joan Crawford
So dat hur cant dans and sing noe more
Now Bette is da star, and she sings
Da sawng dat maded hur sister famus
*Cues spotlite*
Spotlite shines upon kk4 as Bette Davis.
Her evil haggard face is resplendint in
garish makeup, hair in ringlets, with big pink bow
waring a pink pinafore dress, white pantaloons
white tights and white tapshoes wif bows on dem
Bak up musician is played bai mai naybor,
Helen Wheels..she is playing Joan Crawford
She will play the xylophone wif wire hangars
*cleers throat, cues bak up musician*
*Starts tu sing*
I’b writtun a ledder tu daddy
Da adress is hebben above *raises eyes tu hebben*
I’b writtun Dear daddy we mish yu
an wish yu wur wif us to lub! *holds bof hans obber hart*
Insted ub a stamp ai used kissus *blows kissus tu judges*
Da postman sed dat’s best tu du
I’b writtun a ledder to daddy
Sayin AI LUB YU!!!
Nao ai shall dans
Hit it Joan!!! *Joan plays furiosly wif wire hangars*
tappity tap tappity tap tap tap tappity
tappy tap tap tap tappy tap tap
tappity tappity tappity tap tap tap
*sprinklols sand on floor fur softshoo*
tshh tshhhhh tshhh shh
chshhh cshhhhh tshhh tshhhhh
Curtsees prettily fur da judges, puts finger in dimplol
and smiles, curstys agin.
Clappity-clapp-clapp.
*LCB’s finger hovers between 2 Offishul Judging Buttons. One is labelled “Passed” teh other is labelled “Trap Door”*
*LCB presses “Passed”*
Smilols wif red lipstik awl obber teef.
@@@@@@
LOL, very nicely done!
LOLz!!
I has such an imaj in my hed….
OHH! Teh Hugh G. Talints!!!
*clappity clappity clappity*
oww! floofy paws hurtz from so much clappity!
if anyonz needz a tinwhistle or bellringer accommp..
acompini…
backup muzak, i wills be back layter
(end of year meens pleh cleaning of stowage rum)
Clappity Clappity Clap! **wislols*
ooh, taht wuz amazing!! *clappity clap*
Skerry! But yr berry talinted (an brave)!
Clapity clapity fir yu!
I nawt feline berry talentid, sew I jes watch.
2 funneh….az did LOL caem up, mai TB iz showing prepurrashuns fur owr Florida Gobernorz wedding 2dae.
Oh noes
furst, teh marrage
den, der be two hoomans
evenshulee, der be teenee lowd humans
grate
*moves in wif singl cat ladee*
I did choose kitteh ober nawt-sekkund huzbin.
Best desishun I eber maded.
Meh tu, rhsb, kittehs much much bedder! Dey onlee shred da curtins, nawt ar hearts….
U nawt noes teh haff ov it, KK.
I heered frum lolyer 2day. Apparentlee, huzbin is cownterin my cownter offur an haz papers tew support it.
I am so friggin tired of this! I’m OVER it and want it to be over!
**goes luukin foar sumfin tew punch**
Ok, rhsb, dis cawls fur speshil reinforsmints. Ai hab ex dat wuz sew bad dat ai hab tu get restrayn. order awn him, 2 YEERS after ai lef him. *rummages thru stokpile* Ok, heer is majikal cannon dat kin shoot wif deadly accu–akur– dat kin aim troo all acros dis grate land ub ars. *finds rhsb’s stoopy ex’s atty, stuff him intu cannon, cheks co-ordinants, aims, fires* Wif enny luk, stoopy ex will be blindsided by atty shootin cross da country. Dey bof should be obliterated at da point ub impakt. Ai also hab, lemme see, ex husbin dartboard, ex husbin monopoly game wer dey kant ebben go round da board wifout habbin tu deal wif us first, wat else…Oh heer is majical fing, ex has tu remoob hims brane, (as if dey gawts branes, but dat beside da point) den hab tu replace brane wif ar branes…den dey git hurted liek we did, an dey hab tu feel ebbry feelin dat we hab, til dey run off intu da nite, screemin in payne. But da bestest fing bout dis one is, we decide wen tu turn it off. Duz dat halps enny? Ai finks ai hab more stuff in arsenal. {{{{{{{rhsb}}}}}}}
teh nawt sekkind signs of bekkomin teh crayzee cat laydee. XD
1 ov mai kittehs libed 2 b 21….hadz hur longer tahn bof hubbies put togevver, nd she wuz lotz less troublol, aifinkso.
rhsb, ai tuk teh kitteh and left nawt-sekkund husbin…teh pleh idiot.
*taptaptap*
Iz diz tink awn?
*taptaptap*
skyuuz mii, iz mai turn?
*luuks roun, duzznt see enny noes*
*terns awn rekord playyr*
*duzznt now how tew maek musik noets awn mai komputr*
*owt coems deh flayming baton*
*TWRL TWRL TWRL FROW
SPINSPINSPINSPIN
THREW TEH LEGS AN OVVR TEH HED
TWRL TWRL TWRL
FROW FROW FROW
SPINSPINSPINSPINSPIN”
*bouws*
ta-da!
Clappity Clappity Clappity!
*clappy clappy floofy paws* Dat wuz awsom an Win!!!
*blushyblushy*
*tawks liek a yew-tahn*
Fanks yoo giez!
ooh!! an yoo not eben burnd down teh awditorium or catched yor hair on fire!!! *clappity clap*
yet…..
LOL!! Verree wunderful!!! A fiery!!!
*clappity clap clap clap clap*
an luk!!! Iz it a coinkeedink????
BRAINfire is up next!!!!!
Berry nise! Ai lubs fyre!
*moovs 2 senter staj*
*trows sum spriklee sparklee dust n2 teh airz*
*danses rown n rown on 2 leff feetz*
lukee!1! ai haz teh talints!1!
*reelizes dere iz no musiks playein*
*hangz hed donw n slinkz of teh staj*
orkestra mus b on bweak or sumfin, aifinkso…
…sigh…
*”Passed”*
U noe needz musik….u dansdansdanses acapella.
awcapawlluh?
Ifz peepul kan sing acapella, tehn peeps kan dansdansdans awcapawlluh, ryte? Werks fur mi!
two left feets!! wow!!
Aiz empressed! Teh sparklee dust waz jus teh purrfet addition tu yr audishun!
Its nawt so musch that I objekt to teh hyoomin-man-purson, but his Rotwiler has got to go. Is too slobbury.
Ohai ebereewun! I can has awdishun?
**Jumps onto table, holds wun fut, den deh odder, out***
**crickets**
Wut, izn’t dis the talon show? **Seize dah sign**
O, tallinT! Hehe. Jist kiddin. Dat’s wun of my tallinTs, comidee!!!!
Be right back.
[behind the curtain we hear rustling **rustle rustle crash!**]
My assistants are preparing. ***takes larj shot ov tekeela, um, ov likwid currij)
**Parrothead takes the stage. She is wearing a luvly silk strapless dress (straps will nawt stay up on wings) in seazunally correct red and green culurs, which also happen to match her fedders. There is a seazunally correct Rudolph nose attached to her beak, blinking **
Fur my nawt-second tallint, I will be doing aerial triks.
**Flies into the air, does a series of lubly figure elebenty’s, figure 8′s, and odder numbers**
**Flips over and flies upside down***
**Does a series of barrel rolls, which, combined wif likwid currij, causes dizziness, which causes crashing into stage light**
**Parrothead crashes to the floor, fortunately right in front ov the microphone**
**Parrothead stands up unsteadily and smiles**
Fur my next tallint, Ai will be singing jist one virs of a song Ai wrytted spechially, and awlsew dansing, wyle juggloling hawt irons.
**YNG’s come onstage carrying hot irons**
**Odder YNG’s come onstage and set up steel drums**
**Pleez to note durin the singing the YNG’s are tossing the hawt irons to Parrothead which she jugglols wif ease, at least the nawt-second two or three**
Here we go:
Nommin on choklits,
Typing da commints,
Wunderin why dey don’t show up on screen.
Cussin the ‘puter,
My commintz was cuter!
By the time they shows up,
No wun knows wut they meen.
Wastin mi wurds agin in Eeted-commintz-ville,
Searchin fur my
lost braynes from da splort.
**audience participation** SPLORT!! SPLORT!! SPLORT**
** audience shuddup**
Sum cheezpeeps clayme an Eebil Maus iz to blame,
But ai know,
It’s WordPress’s fault.
**Steel drum solo**
**At dis point Parrothead is playing the steel drums and forgitz about the hawt irons. There is a smell of burned fedders in the air. Fyremens rush in***
Ohai fyremens, yew are jist in time fur the dansing!
**YNGs and Fyremens form a line wif Parrothead in da middle.
Ebereebodee CAN CAN!! Dah Dah, dah da dah da da dahm , dah dah dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah DAH OW crash.
***Can Can line, while amazing, becomes over-excited and crashes into steel drums. Can can line collapses into a heap of fyremens an YNGS. Da heap tumbles into da orchestra pit. Parrothead reluctantly getz owt of da heap, steps on hed of first-chayre kazoo player, leeps back on stage, straytens Rudolph nose, and bows.**
Fank you fur da audishun. When you needz to fynd me to tell me I wun da part in da reeeleee big shew, ai will be in da NB, helping dese YNGs and fyremens um, um, put away the irons.
**Stumbles happily away, waving one smoking fedder in the ayre.**
Oh, sry. I was onda phone. Can u start over again from teh top?
OH YES!!!! Encore!! encore!! Do it again!!! YAYAY!!!
W00t!!! w00t!!!
Whistullingz and applolsauce!!!!
Deh audiense goez wild!!! make dat wildER!!!!!
The Applause Meter goes to Elebenty!!!!
Yaay!
*ClappityClappity*
*WhistleWhistleWhistle*
Brava! Encore!
Oooh, yes you can can!
Floofy pawz clapping wildlee!! Fyremens nd YNGs nd teh Ed Sulliban ref….hoo culd aks fur ennefing moar?
*clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clappy clap floofy paws* Dat wuz wundermus performance, parrothead!!! Ai nu yu wuld doo awsum an fun fing at da audishuns!! *grabs fallen fyreman can can dancer, runs away wif him kwiklee*
*wissles* wow, taht wuz reely spektaculor!!
LOL! *clappitee-clappitee*
Well Done! (Ah could see it all! great narration!)
Magniffeescent, Parrothead!
O bee stil, mai hart! Ai lurves teh Parrothead songz! Taht wuz GRATE! Awnkore? Pleez? A Singz-a-lawng? Ai reelee laiks hiz “Difront Kinda Lurve Sawng…” Kin wee dew taht won? Heh! Noe? Ok..hao bout “A Cheezpeep Looks @ 40 (frum teh rong side)”
PS: Kin sumbuddy pleez ress-Q taht pore kitteh frum teh ebil church? It nawt haz inny Ceiling Cat art insied!
Duz nawt luk liek iz a weddin, innywai. Ai nawt sees inny flawrz r innyfing. Maibee iz silly-a## blessin uv teh annimulz…(kittehs nawt kneed blessin! Wee bless teh peeps. Hmmmph!)
kitteh objects on teh groundz tht he realy did c mommi kising sandy klaws
Oh?? iz mai turn?? ok…
.
*Dressed in suit adn tie,
*adn wearing a raynkote and keerying an umber ella,
*steppingz forwerdz adn sez:
.
I wud like tu dewing mai tribute tu deh wundermus Gene Kelly.
.
Stepz bak, waitz fur musiklol Q ~~~~
.
*herd in bakgrownd:
Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo *beginz splashing in rain.
Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo *splash, splash
.
**splashity splash splash**
.
***beginz singing:
I’m singin in teh rane *splash*
Jus singin in teh rane *splippity splash plash*
Whut a golrius feelin’ *splash*
Iz happie agen *splippity splash plash*
Iz laffink at clouds *splash*
So darc up abuv *splippity splash plash*
De sunz in my hart *splippity splash plash*
N Iz reddy 4 lub *splash*
Let teh stormee clouds chase *splippity splash plash*
Ebry1 from teh plase *splash*
Cum on wit teh rane *splash*
I’ve a smyle on my fase *splippity splash plash*
I wakz down teh lane *splash*
Wit a happee refrane *splash*
Jus singin’, *splash*
Singin’ in the rane. *splippity splash plash*
**blush, bow, retreat off stage**
*Towels off, presses “Trap Door”*
*realizes that stoopy stagephlonquais put teh trap door under teh judges’ seats*
A
A
A
A
A
a
a
a
a
h
h
h
h
h
.
.
.
Quick! We need to get the People Catchy Thingy! Hopefully there’s still a big pile of whipped cream mixed with chicken feathers still down in the basement.
isn’t rhsb still down tehre wif blankits and stuffs?
Stagehandan waits gleefully under teh trapped door as LCB’s skirt/shirt billow alla Alice goink down the hole
pittah pattah pittah pattah
*runs in daintly to catch LCB*
oooh shineee
*gets distrackted by shiny bracelet on LCBs wrist*
Will the People Catchy Thingy work on LCB?
Nuffing kan katch teh infamous LCB……
It did befoar!!! But we neez Phillipe, D Marie, Romeow an gibbocat!!! Tehy know hao to do it!! but tehy aren’t heer!.
.
We need sumwun reelee gud at improv!
.
Oh! that’s lcb.
*picks up teh Peeple Catchy Fing*
*races wif strenff and determinashun towards mah falling wurthy opponent*
A liddle halp heer. I needs sum moar peeps to hold teh otter sides ov teh Peeple Catchy Fing!
*grabs a side and tries to keep up*
Taeks odder side!! Ai can’t stay long. . .but ai’ll bee heer until we save – wuzzit “boogerbutt?” LOL!!!
Wayte fur mi! *Runs up and grabs side that is flapping loose* Swy, Romeow, Ai dint meen 2 stepz awn ur tayle tehre.
Leeza-b, juss jump onna mah bak and hold onto mah floof!
We’ll get dere faster dat way.
Leeza-b, jump onna mah bak and hang onto mah floof.
We’ll gets dere faster dat way!
butt butt butt… hoo will hold this sied over here??
I can keeps up!! I can!!
Gud jobs, Cheez Peeps!
Nao, ware’s LCB???
We iz awl in place…u may continue falling.
*time stands still*
*the whirled holds it breth*
Liddul sqwirrlee feets R a blur, just liek inna kartooms!
LOL!! NAO awl wee need iz teh fawling lcb!
.
But – ai think maybee she awlreddee landed in a pile ov fethers left bai parrothed..
Nope – wuz teh pillos!! Still – fethers!
.
maybee we shud just hop down there an see hao she’s doing! A sawft landing iz awlmost guaranteed!! Between lcb an teh fethers!! LOL!!
Oh, mai, cweenmj, dat was wunndermus! Ai lubs dat moovy, an heer yu are, singin da happy sawng wif yur umbrella. Da dansin wuz tu dye fur! *whistlols loudly and applauds til paws is sore*
*echoing faintly from the still open trap door:*
“COOOOOOSH”
*LCB finds herself in a large sea of feathers, which her wieht has floofed out from the many goose down pillows she has choosed upon*
*spitting out feathers*
‘PLEH!’
ooh, very nice!! *clappity clap* *drydrydry iwf hunnert-dollar towl*
Cheshire Kitteh Kat waulks awn staige; spautlite shinez awn her, whyle her kleers throawt nerbusslee;
*Starts to sing in a high tinny voice, with an occasional squeak*
“High onna hill stuud a loawnlee goawtherd;
Oh da layeee, oh da layeee, oh da lay………….”
Tinee tehndrylls ov dume reech aowt wif an amayzyng kwikniss, haouldyng a laurge wite cane;
Inna milleesekund thems snatchis CCK
**YOINK** rite awffa teh staige behynde teh kurtins;
Awl taht kan bees herd frum CKK iys a muffleded “Blargh!!”
(Tihs kunkludes teh talint pohrshun ov CKK’s prehsintashun)
Clappy clap wif floofy paws…dat wuz bery lubbly yodelink, aifinkso!
Fankee, fankee!!!
Whew! Nawt too layte! Gud! *KCT cums in streaming clothes dat r britely colored and filmy* *Gets floot owt and warms up* Today ai sings and plais da floot. Ai shall plai sumfing classical and sumfing fer Kris Maus. Ai will plai “Hungarian Serenade” and “O Holy Night.” *starts playing floot for audition* *lubberly sownds fill the air* As a finale, ai will sing mai Fadder’s only Kris Maus carol he ebber taut meh. *KCT sings to “Deck the Hall*
Deck us all wif Boston Charlie
Walla Walla Wash and Kalamazoo.
Nora’s freezin awn teh trolley,
Waller dollar cauliflower and alley garoo!
*KCT bows and wabes to awl her peeps and cheezfrens*
Whew! That wuz harder dan ai thot!
LCB! Didja lieks it! See! Ai haz talint!
I loves the Boston Charlie carol. Fan-q, KCT
Fankies Q. Enny reelayshun to Q of Star Trek? Mai dad taut meh dat sawng. Only sawng he ebber taut meh.
W00t! Pogo ref FTW!!
Dis very gud playing! Ai pretends tu plai da floot, ai naut very gud, but ai noes O’Holy Nite is hard song tu plai, that third octave note gibs me brane hemorage. Ew dids it beautifully.
Hem, hem, hem. Fan-q, StageHandDan and other stage guies for setting up the JCH4K bershun of the Iron Chef kitchen battleground. Nao all iz readiness for mai humblol talent. Dis is sum kitchen, lemme tell you!
*Adjusts chef costyoom, cocks tall whyte chef’s toque at rakish angle over right eye, wigglols fingers in trade-marque lucky move before starting…
*sprinklols yeast into warm water
*adds and misses in a teeny bit of sugar, salt, and lotsa flour
*kneads, kneads, kneads
And now, I puts dis bowl over here and whips out bowl of already-risen dough, in best Julia Child tradishun.
*gazes out a audience, smilols, and announces:
*I will now demonstrate my tallint for stretching out lump of dough into big pizza-shaped objekt!
*frows dough into air, with cunning stretchy-pully movemink of hands. Dough spins upward, comes back down
*catches dough with cunning stretchy-pully movemink, swiftly tosses skyward once moar
*wiv big self-satisfied grin on fayce, catches and tosses a third time
OH NOSE!
Pizza goes off-course, sailing, spinning, flying in rong diresshun! Cheezpeeps watch in silent, horrified fascin… fasten… horror; some duck heads as dough whizzes by.
GASP! Pizza plops down on LCB, encasing all her holiday lights in a confection of semolina flour and ozzer ingreedienz.
*Thinky, thinky, thinky. What to do?
Here, let me help you, LCB.
*Embarrassedly collects self and stuff, leaves Kitchen Battleground.
*Hurls chef toque to floor, stomps on it.
All dat practiss for naught. Audition? Ai thinx I Fail.
ROFL ROFL ROFL!!
Dat b deh egg salad stand up comic roo teen!!!!
W00t!! w00t!!!
.
o
.
u wuzn’t going fur comedy?? sry.
*grabs slice ob peeza frm LCB’s faec* Yum. Gud peeza, Q. Gawta gibs u poynts fer dat!
ROFL! Anover fine example of laughter making! Bravo-Q!
oh noes! fase-pi!
itz ok parrothead, live audations, tehy can be teh tricksy.
@@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@@ elebentee. . .pizzas fur yoo!!!!
.
GRATE komedee akt!!1 LOL!!
did sumwun say pizza?!?!?
Yay!! Mai floofy paws is sore frum sew much clappyness dat happin alreddy! *gingerly claps floofy paws* dat wuz wundermus, an, noe one heer saw yu fling pizza dough at LCB…we tells hur dat yur incompt—incom–dat yur stoopy assistant duz it!
Is dat wut fwied bai mai hed earl ear? I wundered wut dat beed… O_o
Um… OK. *tap tap* *deep breath*
Free the dream within
The stars are crying
A tear, a sigh
Escapes from heaven
And worlds end
Breathe the dream within
The mystifying
We tremble and spin
Suspended within
Look beyond
Where hearts can see
Dream in peace
Trust love
Believe
We tremble and spin
Suspended within
Free the dream within
The voice is calling
A song, a prayer
From deep inside you
To guide you
Be the dream within
The light is shining
A flame on the wind
Salvation begins
Look beyond
Where hearts can see
Dream in peace
Trust love
Believe
We tremble and spin
Suspended within
Free the dream within
The stars are crying
A tear
A sigh
Escapes from heaven
And worlds end
*bows and quickly runs off*
clappity-clap *sigh* Lubly poem, lubly *ponderz vizhuns ob dreems*
Dat is bootimous, Jenn, jus bootimous! *clappity, clappity wif floofee paws*
Oh Jenn!! Taht wuz so prittee! An yoo luk eben prittier!!1
*clappittee clappittee clapittee clap clap clap*
O cwap!! mai paws ar tytred awl reddiee!1 An we’re just getting started!!!
Oh my, thank you. *blushes*
Bee ewe tea full!
*sits in stunned silinse*
Dis wundermaus, Jenn. Fank yoo.
Otay, Iam game, an brafe, sew heer goes:
Teasel sits at teh grandioso peeano, dressed inna sparkloly Liberace suit. O, shiney! Her hairs are combeded bak in a pompador. Seh tinkles the keys.
tinkloltinkloltinkle (jus warmin up)
Oh, an Liberacecat puts seberal candlolabras awn teh peeano an lites teh 7-elebenity candlols.
Eberwun luks beautimus inna candlol lite!
Owt comes Divakitty inna flowing shiffon dress–purplol.
All teh layers ob the shifon are sparkloly an floating inna slight breeze.
Divakitty hoists herslf up onna peeano.
Liberace Teasel starts tu pali…
O the beautiful singing! It wafts true teh airs!
O the tinkloling ob the peeano! Beautimas musics wafts true teh airs!
O the purplol shifon dress! It wafts true teh airs!
O the beautimus firelight! Teh oranjs an yellow ob teh flames goes nisely wif teh purplol!
Teh airs gets awl dims an smokies! How romantic!
O NOES!!! Its a fyre!!!
Divakitty kitty starts tu hit dose impossiblly high notes!
O NOES!!! Call teh fyremens!!!
Fyremans, Liberace Teasel kneeds yu!
*cawffcawffcawff*
LTeasel cries owt” gibes mii sum mouf-tu-mouf, oh hansum fyremans!
Divakitty? O, seh bees fine.
Noes, dat nawt skreemin. Seh jus bee singin, afinkso.
Pls, *cawfcawfcawf*, moar mouf-tu-mouf!
Heer, yur gittin awl hot an sweaty-like…lets tak dat heaby coat awf. Otay?
*As divakitty skrems sings her swan song, LT an teh fyreman rush awf teh stage tu…… sumwears else…….*
Well, mai fren Teasel, yur dress is lubbly, an da moosic wuz devine…*runs bakstage an grabs one ub da fyremins, runs away wif a qwikness*
Tanks, KK4! Fir awhyle Ai thot noe wun waz eben watchin teh audishuns!
An LBC stopted judjing!
An noe wun eben putted awt the fyre! Gud ting dere waz xtree fyermans tu dew dat!
*
Eberywun has such teh biggie talents, dont sha tink? Mii floofy paws ar awl soore fum teh clabbityclappityclappit clap!
Mai paws is sore tu, Teasel! Aifinks dat LCB want us tu keep doin it wifout hur if hur git busy wif wurk, hur will come awn heer an der tu pass da judgmints, aifinkso!
ooh, teh shinyness!! ahh, teh fyremans!! *clappity clap*
That wuz teh spektaQlair!!!! Whooo HOOo an a WoOT dazu!!!
An nawt to werree about lcb!! ai think she’s tayping ebreething an will see it so bai an bai!!
*blushes*
Tank yu awl.
*Bows in reverence tu awl teh manymultimasses ob tallinted cheezpeeps*
Aaah!!! Deh Liber Ace candlolz adn Pi a no playing!! Eet iz mag nif eek!!!
Hoooooooooold it rite dere, Ms Teasel Liverache! Ack-cof-cof-cof. The Diva will sing. Nawt fyre or de fyremenz will stop her. I will sing O Sole Mio.
O sole mio
Dat fish iz mine.
Nawt yurs, itz my fish.
So leeve it aline? (Rimes, I haz none)
And, by de way, nawt so fast wif all dem fyremenz. Wun ov dem iz mine too! Ai wantz him!
Q, no one failz in Cheezland…
an pizza iz nebber a fail. unless it iz cheez e. chukks or sumfin.
*Judson taps the mike and gets howl of feedback
“Dis ting on? O.K.
eyed lyke to perform fer yew a festib holiday song from the daze ob yore wif the original lyrics as faithfully recorded fer posterority by one ob muh heros: Walt Kelly. Yawl kin jump in anny tyme yew want, this is kinda free form.”
Boston Charley
♪ ♫ ♫
Oh deck us all wiff Boston Charley,
Walla Walla Wash, an Kalamazoo.
Nora’s freezin onna trolly,
Swaller doller, cauliflower, allygaroo.
Don’t we know archaic barrels
Lullabye, Lilly boy, Louisville Lou.
Trolly Molly don’t luv Harold,
Boola Boola, Pensacoola, Hullabaloo!
♪ ♫ ♫
Tank yew, Tank yew berry mush.
Hey, Judson, DAT’S MAI SAWNG U SAWNG THEEF! LCB! JUDSON CHEETS! *Chayses Judson wif two two-week old loaves ov french bred nao hard as rok* JUDSON! AI GONNA GETZ U! LCB, JUDSON CHEETED! HE IS A PLAG…PLEG…HE’S A COPYCAT!
OOOOOHHHHH, Cat fite in 3…2….1…. dis culd be bery enertaining!
fightfightfightfightfightplagairismfightfight
*kk4 softly wispurrs tu da combatants* stop, pleez stop *kk4 collects wagers frum da crowd dat gathers round*
Pneumann!! I wuz BZ typin my Bawston Charley while KCT wuz posting hers. Sawy fer stealing yer thunders.
just anovver GMTA. an we kan nebber haz too many bowston charleez. can we?
Besides – this iznt teh Sheau!! This iz just teh OW!dishuns. It OFFEN happens at teh OW!dishuns tath peeple too teh sayme sawng!
.
An both renn dishuns were verree diffrent – from eech odder – eneway!!
.
So – ai say – Yay fur teh both ov yoo!!
She’s MAH hoomin. NOT YOURS.
Hey! Did LCB eber cum bak up from being dumped bai teh trappy door? *luks for LCB* *finds her laying splat onna wippy creem and fethers dat cling to her ebereeware* Ewww. *gets seltzer bottlol and sprays LCB off* Hmm. Dat’s mush beddur. See Ai haz talint as mai audishun above shows and nao when ai cums to LCB’s reskwue! *KCT stiks tung owt at ebberybuddy*
*stiks tung out at KCT* LCB nawt gonna liek being sprayd wif seltzer bottlol!
*nyaa*
a faint rumblee bumblee sownd iz heerd kuming frum owtside deh stage door uv deh amfeetheeter. den a lowder rumblee bumblee sownd b herd owtside deh stage door. Deh dooor startz tu opun and a voyse is herd firmlee saying, “Awl rite!!!! Evreebuddee just staying wair u r!!! I b rite bakk.” Den deh nite watchman kumz frew deh door.
.
“um…Skewz mii!!! hoo b in charge heer??”
.
Ebbreewun lukkingz at him, adn az wun, dey awl point tu deh person neggzt tu dem.
.
“Oh. Well, I haz a groop dat wantingz tu aw dishun. I’ll just bringing dem in. Kan sumwun halping mii opun deh doorz on deh loading dok??”
.
Deh loading dok doorz b opuned adn deh nite watchman yellz, “K’mon in guize!!!”
.
Ebbreewun standingz bak az deh doorz fill wif huge, ginormus elolefentz adn palm treez. Deh nite watchman managez tu ranglol dhe elolefentz and treez intu deh bakstage area. Deh elolefantz b dresst in dere holiday finereez, wif deh red bowz and green harnessez. Deh palm treez awlso b dressed in red bowz.
.
*plz tu playing dis while kuntinuing reeding*
* last.fm/music/Henry+Mancini/_/Baby+Elephant+Walk
.
Deh nite watchman handingz deh conductor sum sheet muziks witch den gitz past rownd deh orchestra. Wyle deh orchestra gitz deh rite musikz tu deh rite instrumentz, dhe nite watchman sortz owt deh elolefentz and palm treez.
.
Wen ebbreewun b properlee posishuned, he signalz deh conduktor. Deh musik startz. Swaying tu deh music, deh palm treez dansingz tu-bai-tu across deh stage, dere frondz waving az deh treez dansingz. Deh treez haz dansinged adn forminged intu an iyul. Wun at a tyme deh elolefentz dansing ontu deh stage between deh rowz uf deh palm treez witch kuntinuez swaying. Deh elolefentz dans, gracefully gliding and spinning adn raizing up on dere hinder legz and twurling arownd.
.
Az moar and moar elolephentz dansingz ontu deh stage, the amfitheeter beginz shakingz. Furst just deh stage shakez. Den deh floor uv deh orkestra pit iz shakingz. Deh shakingz proceed tu deh theater seets, den the balkonee startz shakingz. At furst awl deh peepz just luking at eech udderz. Den sumwun yellz, “run fur ur livez” adn deh panda moaning umz ensuez. Deh stage kolapsikatez and elolefantz and palm treez start runningz ebbreewair. Deh nite watchman tryingz tu kollektifying dem, but it b hopeless.
.
Deh elolefentz take tu deh streetz rampaging threw Cheezland. Teh palm treez taking up residence rownd deh JCH4K fownting. Adn deh nite watchman? He disapeeringz intu deh crowd.
Halp us awl!!! Oh noes!! Wut will happin tu us awl? So much tallint, gone wif da elyfants…
Oh! Teh eggssitemint!!! Donnat be askeerd! It iz teh beautiful spekticlol! Teh festiblly dressed elolphants an teh palm trees awl runnin round!! Iz teh fun!
*ahem ahem*
Laydles an Gellyspoons, bai poplar inkwest, Ai will be performink mai faymus – nay, note(up)rorius – rendishun ob “Midnyt” form teh Musical ob teh Poems Ob teh Cats ob Tselliot.
Larst tym Ai singd tihs in public tehre were lowd crys ob “Don’t stop!” – ok, mebbe tehy wus yelling “Don’t!!! Stop!!!”. but Ai carrid awn, regardless! Ai is a propper trooper, lyk taht! Teh sho muss go awn! Rite heer in teh barn!
So, wivowt furvver ado,
*nods to teh cunduktor ob teh Disharmoneyus Orkestrak*
Moosik, my stro, plees;
♪♫♪MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYTTTT!!!
Nawt a sownd form teh♪♫♪
*deep breff*
♪♫♪PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYVVVVVVMUNTTTT!!!!
Has teh muun lorst her mammries?♪♫♪
♪♫♪She is smylink
A lawn♪♫♪
♪♫♪In teh lamb plight
teh wiverd leefs co lectatmai feets, ♪♫♪
♪♫♪An teh wind
begins to mone. ♪♫♪
Oh, hao sweet! Teh ordyunce R joynink in – taht’s verree gud moning, ebereewun, yu sownd verree lyk wind. Or lyk yu’ve gawt wind, or sumfink!
♪♫♪begins to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAN!!!♪♫♪
*Joynz lunarmommy in deh moaningz.
♪♫♪oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo♪♫♪
Brilliant! (Ai used to sing dis song tu mah midnight.)
Oh, Ambercat, nobuddy sings it liek U!
*clappity clappity wif floofy paws*
.
*Lunarmommy’s kitteh joyns Ambercat onstage*
*Kumo / HappyCat climbs up teh cat tree and waits fur hims cue*
http://www.mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=2014703
Oh Romeow, yu is tutu kynd!
An is taht for me? But, sillee Romeow, yu is ment to gib teh laydeesingrs a bookay, nawt a bukket</i.!
An yu shud put it in mai arms, nawt awn mai hed!!
Awwww Ambercat!! Taht wuz sooooooooo BEYOOTFOOL!!!!! Nao ai haz moar teerz in mai aiez!! Taht sawng awlwaz duz mee in!!! *sniff*
.
Memory, all alone in the moonlight.
I can smile at the old days, I was beautiful then.
I remember, the time I knew what happiness was.
Let the memory live again.
*wipes aiesz again* Oh, where iz Maus when yoo needs him! The hankee!! ai think ai reelee needz teh hankee!!
.
hello? iz it being my turn?
*lunarmommy comes owt on stage in a lubly gown*
http://msp139.photobucket.com/albums/q315/hellodolly702/ugly.jpg
*her iz carrying a unicycle*
ladeez, an gennulmens, yoo’ve herd ob air-gitar, air-drumming, an eben air-singing! but now i bringz yoo sumfin completely noo – i will play teh AIR HARMONIKA, while riding on my unicycle!!
*cue teh myoozik*
*lunarmommy gets on teh unicycle an peddlez in circuls arownd the stage wile pretending to play oh susanna on a inbizible harmonika*
*finishes an jumps off teh unicycle wifowt eben catching teh hem ob herz gown in teh wheel*
TADAA!!
oh, an for owr lubly judjis, i kno it’s boring sitting tehr watchin akt aftur akt aftur akt, so heer iz a little token ob appreshyashun for yor selfless serbiss to us:
http://www.vvs1.co.uk/contents/media/ring%20005.jpg
fank yoo, fank yoo!!
Wowza! Whut a spendiferous purrformance! Whut a bald-faised attempt to suborn judgemink uv deh judges!
Applols!
Lunarmommy – u iz teh byootiful in ur gown and ur can has talent.
Butts, I hab to object to teh object dat u r gibbing to teh judges!
No, dey no can has bribes!
U can’t sell sots in teh talent show lieks dey r a Senate seet frum Chicago.
iz not a bribe. iz a gift. an evreefing i do, wevver yoo seez it in publik or private, iz lawful. cawz i sez it iz.
Oh boy-eh-vitch, dat iz sum kinda logic.
*LOLs throo teh teerz left ober frum Ambercat’s sawng*
Taht’s a bery patereeawtic luking gown, Lunarmmmy. Will u b waring it 2 teh Prezidenshul Inawegurashun nex monf?
NOE!! WAIT!! AI GOTZ ME ACT!!
*skitters onto stage, knocking over speaker stack, which crashes in a pile of splinters*
*tiny voice*
oops
*helps up kittyboocat, dusts off teh splinters*
iz okay, just try it agin!
tanx moomy moon cat!!
ai tireed but teh wp futz it all way up…
*has a sadtail all droopy*
snivel!
iz not yor fawlt, iz WP!! we all knowz enuff to kno taht WP futzing iz no reflekshun on teh persun hooz commints, talint akt, etc, gets futzed!!
{{{kittyboocat}}}
yeah, right, EVERYBODY always blames EVERYTHING on me. hmmpf.
and just for being so mean to me, I’m going to eat up your talent act right now!!!
*grabs WP by teh throte, starts shaking* hey, i wurked hard on taht! yoo gib taht bak right now!!!
*urk* *hukhukhuk* *HOARK* *coff*
kk4 works qwiklee tu gloo splinters intu a cage tu trappy WP in til dey nawt eet up ar tallints. *hides frum WP in feer after trappy in da cages*
U habs already nommed free ov mah messages today.
Aren’t u full yet?
Iz u teh bulleemik?
we can onlee hope.
iz teh bullee part, anyway
WP eeted two ov mine, too!! Taht ai KNOW ov.
.
Harummph!!
>pantpantpantWHUMP<
* gouts of flame shhot up, quickly quenched by masses of whippy cream… a tiny cloud of soot puffs above the hole in the stage*
‘PLEH’
KBC: oktanxbai
*door does not hit her tail on the way out…. door skweeks open a hair, slanty eyes peek through, looking worried..*
WP nommed half mai touch danse danse!!
lets twai dis agin…
>pantpantpantWHUMP<
* gouts of flame shhot up, quickly quenched by masses of whippy cream… a tiny cloud of soot puffs above the hole in the stage*
‘PLEH’
KBC: oktanxbai
*door does not hit her tail on the way out…. door skweeks open a hair, slanty eyes peek through, looking worried..*
pantpantpant<
okai, ai is readdy- iz yew ready?
*sounds of crickets chirpping are ignored*
KBC pulls out two sticks, some greeasy rags and a lighter*
nao, fur yr enter tainmints, ai will purrrrform teh hawhyian torch dansedanse!!
*more crickets*
*KBC fumbles with the lighter, the sound to native drum beats come up over the remaining speakers*
*BOOMbittyBOOMbittybittybittyBOOM*
*KBC bigins twirling slighted sticks, making pretty switly patterns in the dark stadium air UNTIL the rags fly off the ends and down the trap door, where they land on LCB and all thise goose doen feather and the nest sound is:*
Bass akwardz… ai hates teh WP wit teh heat ubba collapsing supernova!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*4.5K trots onto teh staj waring jeens, plad shurt, cowboi boots n cowboi hat. Er, akshullee iz teh hoarse taht trots; 4.5K is on teh hoarse, her Clydesdale cross Saxon. Hims cote is gleeming, and hims wild blak tayle skims teh staj.*
*4.5K razes her hat in saloot to LCB*
Saxon adn ai shall naow do a denimstrashun ob a barrol raes.
*Saxon and 4.5K trot to staj rite adn awate teh signlol. At teh wurd “Go!” Saxon taeks off at a canter, hedding fur staj left. Teh stja hands and otter contestants scatter as he approaches tehm at a gallup. At teh last minnit 4.5K uses her legs adn bawdee wate to turn Saxon inna tite circlol. Fur a larj hoarse, he is amazinglee ajile. Tehy hed bak to staj rite, gallupping liek teh proberbial wind. Tehy execute anodder circlol, tehn slow to a trot and kum to a stop at center staj.*
*4.5K notisses sumfing on teh staj taht wazzn’t there a minnit ago.*
Oops, sowree. *moshuns to Dan taht a kleen up is kneeded, tehn trots off staj*
ooh, wut a byootiful horse!! making such byootiful circles!! *clappity clap*
Whyuld applols! Wunnerful horse, incre… incarc.. great subtle use of legs and bawdy wait, such fine conttoll! Can Ai pats Saxon, please? Give him a carat?
*blushes* Fanks guise! Saxon lubs teh barrul raes.
Adn he lubs carats eben moar!
Carotts for Saxon,
Karatts for DK!!!
*claps wif big admirashuns*
You wins teh ginormus dimund-studdit shinee belt bukklol fur teh rodeyo!
O fanks Jenniffuurr! Iz teh lublee!!!
Yay! Yay fir Saxon an 4.5K! Such tallints Ai nebber b4 seen! Heer iz sum sugar cubes fir Saxon an sumfing bubblolie tu drink fir 4.5K!
Impressiv *clap clap*
*jumps asyde tu avoyd trompulling hoofs*
Yesh, veree impressiv *clap clap*
poor cuzin boo cat! her act wuz nommed! tried to put firs part in but nommed a gin- so ai putz here ana we see ifin it wurks.. if iz ok wit lbc?
*walks on staje, veree neroviousslee.
Dis my tribute tu da “Plz tu NAWT be nomming teh Rodints” Beneefit Consert”
(You can has footienotes at da bottom uv your program!)
.
Twas teh nite after da event in da ICHC haus
Naut a creshur waz stirrin, ‘cept da [Ebil] Maus
.
Da stawkins waz hangded by da chimley jus nows
En hopes dat Santy Claws leaves hunnret dollar towels
.
Da kittehs waz nestled awe snug en der beds
Wile bishuns uv cheezland danse in der heds…
(inserts wavy fwashback vishuals)
.
Wez all habing funs, wif witty repartee
An all da cheezfrens are encouraged tu play
.
Den en da commints da no-noms did chatters
Dey protest da kittehs want put dem on platters
.
Away tu da JCH theater dey hopp(1)
Dey hasa beeg event, da nomins muss stop!1!!!
.
Gremlin gets da show started, she nervous but den
Beautifully sings and gittars ‘Fanks fur being a fren’
.
Mick Jaggeh him sings in a GP kinna vois
Awe da cheezfrens aplaus hims lyrical chois!
.
Da lighters dey raised against a sky so blu
While posters is hanged by our own Princessmu
.
Da’Beaker him breves funny while eberyone rocks
Hims breaf seems tu smell liek ol gym socks
.
Den Tessm on TTI monitor shows
Amazin parodee of da ol Band-Ayd prose
.
Az if dis wasnut enoff, who taeks da stage(2)
Den da LCB whoo does da Lennon like a sage!
.
Wee awe sings along tu da poetic purrfecshun
Playing Utube lincs tu provid propurr enflexshun
.
Den Alvin sings in da chipmonkie tones
Tu tessm’s lyrics uf rodents got nommed.
.
Da protess coems fass from da skwirrl, “donut eat!”
But tessm ashored “No harm did dey meet!”
.
Lolton John coem up next, a sweet tribute him songed
Him sing like LCB, uv a rodent who’d bin wronged
.
Eberyone is da sad, da poor mouse waz so dear
But dat dinnt last long, as dey kept drinkin der beer
.
But den what coem next taek us all by surprise
LCB waz naut done maekin us cries.(3)
.
She sings like Michlol Jackson, in a falsetto snore,
She was into da part, ‘til her nose fell on da floor.
.
Den our Cween, her rock-star garb so resplent
She sing a Freddie Mercury, with a piggeh sort of bent
.
Our skwrrlgrrl did da poetree, her sore-tail she naut menshions
Til da YNEMTS convince her she needs some atenshuns
.
Gremlin halps our hero- Dr. TinyCat
Dey bannage da skwrrll tail, an gives her a mat.
.
MJ fanks da Skwirrlgrrl and da Guinness Piggeh
Der ideas and der mentor maek dis event very giggeh.
.
Wee awe are astonushed, dumb-struck by da skillz
Wee canut stop smilin swept up by da thrillz
.
Ummm… now dash away, dash away, dash away all?
(1) or scamper, or flew, or slither or.. whatever Sweetpea would do.
(2) some would later report that this theft was quite literal.
(3) tessm also given credit for this quite amazing composition.
*Bows runs off stage
An teh crowd goez wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, midnightsdeer! That waz SPEKTAKULAR!!!! Well dun, well dun!
*klaps madly* Woot! Woot! Woot!
w00T!
*claps madlee*
*tries to start a wave by hurself*
*Joyns leeza-b in wave* Woot Woot!!
*Wayves too*
wayve wayve!
*clappity clap* my taht wuz wundermus!
Meny meny burgers!
*clap clap* A vewwy gud summashun ob teh ebent.
Nicely ritten, midnightsdeer *clap clap*
oh, mai! *wypes awai teer* ai wuz nawt abul to attend teh audishuns in reel-tyme, an had a huje sad… but naow! ai haz a happee!
.
u lyke mee, u rilly lyke mee!
heer it be:
heavy breathing sounds:pantpantpant
okai, ai is readdy- iz yew ready?
*sounds of crickets chirpping are ignored*
*KBC pulls out two sticks, some greeasy rags and a lighter*
nao, fur yr enter tainmints, ai will purrrrform teh hawhyian torch dansedanse!!
*more crickets*
*KBC fumbles with the lighter, the sound to native drum beats come up over the remaining speakers*
*BOOMbittyBOOMbittybittybittyBOOM*
*KBC bigins twirling slighted sticks, making pretty switly patterns in the dark stadium air UNTIL the rags fly off the ends and down the trap door, where they land on LCB and all thise goose doen feather and the nest sound is:*
WHUMP
* gouts of flame shhot up, quickly quenched by masses of whippy cream… a tiny cloud of soot puffs above the hole in the stage*
‘PLEH’
KBC: oktanxbai
*door does not hit her tail on the way out…. door skweeks open a hair, slanty eyes peek through, looking worried..*
whippy creem puts out fayer? Dis good thing to know
u can do LOTS of stuff wif whippy creem!
You know da way to da NB, I’m shure!
Kitty boo cat slinks off stage, ignored by all.
Iz mai tern?
Oteh!
*nekkid dansdansdans*
Ai comd owta retyrmint jus fer teh talunt sho!
*Lyanthya shakes her thang*
Ohai Lyanthya! Wii has missed yoo n ur nekkid dansdansdans!
*clappity clappity floofee paws*
…
Well dun, Ly!
*dansdansdans*
*tayks off holidee hat adn pritty red collolar*
*nekkid dansdansdans*
woo-hoo!
Fanks, ebribuddee!
*nekkid dansdansdans*
*Lyanthya shakes her thang*
Hay peeps, da thred is borked wif obber 200 commints, less moov tu da one earlier, “why do you mock me” one. Ai bees waitin der, den we kin tawlk til da noo one come on!
Ohh, mebbe Ai shud of bringed mai kitteh to mai wedding so him’s cud of objekted an saevs me teh deevorce laterz
Ai can has awdishun?
***cleers froat…hhhhhhch….hhhhcch…..hhhccccchhhhh – sorree, hayrball!***
Tihs preecher was sow buzzee, hims sed “Ai knows, Ai will klone maiseff.”
So hims did!
But somefing went teh horribl…hurreb…srsly rong!
Teh kopy ob teh preecher sed werdy-derds lots ob teh taim! An did udder bad fings, 2.
So teh preecher put konked him on teh hed an puts him in teh trunk of hims car an droav to teh way-up-in-teh-air kliff.
Teh preecher got the bad coppee ob himseff out and frowed him ober teh kliff…aaaaaahhhhhh THUNK SPLORT HIM R DED!
Tahts wehn teh pole-ease man came out ob teh undercober car an sed “Preecher, u r under teh are-rest!”
Teh preecher sed, “It wabs not teh mer-der! Ai only killeded teh bad coppee ob maiseff.”
An teh pole-ease man sed, “Ai kno. U r under are-rest for making teh obscene klone fall!”
***somebudee cue teh laffter sine, kwick, kthxbai***
*GROANNNNNNNNNNN*
heddesk!
“Werewolf?”
“There wolf”
“Excuse me?
“There wolf, there Castle”
yew gots a licence tew carry a loaded pun?
ai has a PUN dicitis!!
Yew can has comedy!
See thread at Why mocking me? fur grate joke an mor talentatiousnezz
Ai haz bin tryin to figger owt wut kind uv skill ai kud showin off heer. Ai baeks rillee yummeh cookies, but dat wud nawt be bery intrestin fur an awdeeinse. Ai duz rillee gud flip turns wen ai swims laps — agin, nawt bery intrestin (oar praktikul, sins ai donut fink dere iz a pool at teh audishun site). Abilitee to talk in various accents — ai haz it … nawt so effektiv in print.
…
Den ai remembered ai yoosta do eggsepshunullee well at teh frozen-chocolate-covered-banana eeting contests wen ai wuz in ohai school. Dat kud werk fur a crowd, but nawt sew suitable fur teh … um … yunger or moar innocent memburrs uv teh viewing awdeeinse. Mite fly in teh Nawty Barn — but nawt in general publicness.
…
*sigh*
…
*sits at hur desk, bein boring*
Talk tu teh (big foofly Mayn Cune) paw. Yu ar mushtu gud fur teh guy. Trust kittoon.
*kimkiwi rushis into teh room, breefing hard*
sowwee ai laet, is long way from nooziland
For my ordishun ai is going to sing teh nashnil anfem of nooziland.
Ceiling Cat of all teh countrees of teh Urfs wehre we puts our footsies
We get togeffer with teh mutch lovingness
Pls listen to us as we sing to yew wib hartfelt sinseritee
Ceiling Cat looks after teh nooziland pls
Look after teh bright shinee tihngs in teh sky
From teh tihngs which has mutch badness fore us
Let evveryboddy heare our singink
Ceiling Cat looks after teh nooziland pls
Kthxbai
W00t!!1 w000t!!!!
applolsauce!!!!
.
so glad u maded it tu deh oardishunz, kimkiwi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But yoo ar heer!! an we ar in Cyberspayce, so iz nebber too layte!
.
An taht wuz reelee wunderful kimkiwi!! Brava!! Brava!!
.
Mennee menee clappitiy clap clap claps!!!!!
OBJECTION!
I bet dat’s akshelly a blessing of the da kittehs!
*rushing in tew audishuns in ded uv nite*
whut’d ai miss?
ohai, foar mai akt ai wud lyke to juggle 2 kittehs, 2 goggies anna husban. awl whyle managin to fynd tyme to play on ICHC.
see? iz gud trik izzint it?
.
ebberywun’s akts wur SEW GRATE!!! wuz fabulus fun too reed, even sew layte! schmoos to alla cheezpeepz!
Yay. Off-topic BS comments.
oh, u meen lyke urs?
pfffft.
*martoonie comes in bery, bery late*
Oh noes, did ai miss teh audishuns? Ai can still try owt? Ai gibs it a go. Nao, wut to do, wut to do. Oteh, teh last IRL audishun ai wuz in ai dansed teh can can, ai finkso it was bery entertainin.
*puts awn fishnet tites*
*pulls awn big frilly skirts*
*slaps awn red lippystik*
*floofs up hair*
*pulls Fronsh accordion player owt from behind teh door*
*grabs front ob frilly skirt an exposes knees to teh awdienss*
Uh, so sowry abowt teh knees. Dose ob a sensitib disposishun, plz to luk away now.
Kew teh Mewsic!!!
Daaaaaaa……da daddee dadda da da dadee dadee da da dadee dadee da
de de de de de de de
Daaaaaaa……da daddee dadda da da dadee dadee da da dadee dadee da.
*stands awn wun leg*
*waves fut – nawt teh standing-awn fut, teh udder wun*
*swirls frilly skirts*
*whoops*
puffpantpuffgaspwheez *collapses in a frilly heep*
Ackshully ai still has teh scars from teh last taim ai did dat.
O hai, guise. I was called away suddenly on Double Secret Probation Super Classified Judge Bidness. Thx for carrying on with ur carrying on anyways.
I has reviewed all teh audition videos and I must say that I is teh vry impressed at the hidden tallints many of u unhided. I saloot u.
*takes off hat to auditioners*
*wonders whose hat that was*
Protestant kitteh don’t like St. Francis’s Day.
Copy/Paste if u want mr.kittyworth to rule failblog!
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( =’.'= )<[Im Mr. KITTEHworth! Dumb hoomins! ]
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