Door-to-door salescat
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.
Dey nebber do
dey iz neerly az bad az de riligeus wuns, dey doan leev u aloan eethr
Teh wers wun Ai ebber had wuz teh ex-dubbul glayzin man hoo wux tryin to conbert me 2 hims bileefs!
Der wur two hoomins (and derefoar stoopid) wu tryd tu combert me. In winter. In eh cowld. Wib me standing in a warm doarwai wib a hot cuppa tea. Aftur an our ob dis, dey ran off adn wur neber seen again in teh arya.
After dey knocked on mai door wunce, Ai wented tu der serbices. Dey gotted a no contack order teh nex dai…den teh next weekend dey knocks awn mai door.
Be fayre. Dey wur waring sergicul glubs soe der cud be noe contact. (Yu thot dey’d be smart enuff tu figgur wat soart ob contact yu ment?)
Dey always nokkin awn mai door!!! Ai tries tu beh nise, an jes take der pamflets..den dat nawt meks dem goes away. Den ai tries tu be nise, take da pamflets, an tawk tu dem…dis meks it worser. Den ai tells dem dat ai Baptist, fank yu, ai iz good wif God..dis nawt wurks eeder. Den ai haz tu be da rood, an dat meks me feels bad, but, wat tu doo?
ai gibz dem mai hyooogest frennly o-hai-smail an say: No Thank You! as if dey jus offered me a sekkun cuppa cawfee do nawt want. foar sum raisin dat catches dem off of ballince lawng enuff tu cloze mai doarz.
I nebbur ansur teh door unless 1. someone in teh howse insists, or 2. I know
hoo it is an I wunts too see dem.
Udderwise , its lalala, I cannot heer u.
same wiffa teh fone. Wee has teh caller id.
I suj… sage… mai idea iz u ask dem kwestjons back!
“Do u hab de small tjildren in da serbises?
kan ai wear my ledder bikini wehn i am at ur cherch? wippin, iz da
wippn part ob da serbises or do u do dat after? Hoaw hard kan
I wip? Wehn do ai get da pay”
*sniggers*
A berry loooooooong tyme ahgo, tew proselty….witne…..religus peepz cam tew mai dore. Ai ansered. Just az ai opned teh dore mai fren sed en a berry loouuuuud voyce: “Iz that teh guyz wit teh heroin?” Cud ai show dem mai wred fayce? Aifinkso!!!!!
Ma’am - ai noez yer in dere. Ai kin heer yew breevin!
Yu finkso ai nedingz clening produkz? nawt unles yu duz da wurkz. Wil taik yu lebentee howrz .
**nok nok…** hab yu herd bout da noo amizin product? Noe, wait!!! **puts foot in door** but dis is speshul product!!!
,…but wate–der’s moar!!!1!
Liek dis set uv six stake knivez. Act nao & we’ll dubbul yer ordur. Jus pay seprit shippin & handlin!
an wii’l frow in deh gin-sue nives 2!
Ginzu ninja saleskitteh, nawt takes noe fur answer…
DIS PAAWERFUL KLEENER…….
Billee Mayz.
Halp. Hee needz eet.
Eeeep! No burgl me!!
Jsut hang in dere Salescat! dey wull bye zomzing …
i feel sorry for teh wuns taht are teenajers sellin mazagine subskripshusn to rayze munnies for tohse teens-at-risk programs, an tehy winz a trip if tehy sells elebenty-billyun mazagines. tehy not eben knowz tehys bein eggpluy - explyo - taken avvantij ob.
.
not sorry enuff to buy mazageenz i duznt need, tho.
Yes siree, I sellz u dis genooine imetayshun fingee here foar 29.95!
Mr Haney cat needz to werk awn himz skillz.
I GIVEZ AT TEH AWFFICE!!!
ai haz waif an elebenteefree hungary bebehs tu bai gushyfuds foar…. pleez pleeeeez bai sumfing! naow!!!!!1111111!!11one
an deh yungist bebe needz oprashun!
adn numr-sebbin-bebeh needz awfuldontistz!
Go peddler Ur pay purr views sumwares else
Pleez, put yur peddle tu da meddle an let it roar!!! Git off mai door!!!
haha…Yu iz berry witty kerrykatz.
Ohai, ebreewun, ai wuz just goingz tu wich awl a happy fankzgibbon but luk awn prebyus fred nd se abowt awl da nastines goingz awn in Mumbai. Owr Moe iz da stuk in hur ofis bilding til wenebbur it mite be saif tu goze howm. Peepluz being kild nd hurted, nd beeyutiful bildingz bommed. Du nawt unnerstan wy sum peepulz du deze fingz…..
{{{LadyM}}} Ai had da news on all afternoon wen ai heerd dat. Big prayers for Moe, an awl da peepls in dat area. Ai lef mssg on last thred. We can all call our local Red Cross location an donate blood to these poor innocent victems of this horrific tragedy. Pleese, ebbryone, there is not a lot we can do, from where we are, but to pray for God to turn his face towards that area, and to donate blood. Please, call your local Red Cross. {{{cheezfrends}}}
dis gud advised- we all pitching in fur teh helping. Tanx and will sending prayerz to teh highir powerz fur pax (peace) n gratitood
Yis, nd ai hoapz ebreewun heer iz saif, warm nd fed. Gib da blud, blankeez oar wutebbur yu can. Nd hoap eburfingz goze ware dey ar neded. nity fur tudai.
Ohai ladymondegrene!
Happy fangs gibbing to you! an DOO go a see waht happened at teh consert. It wuz reelee fabulolso!
hoping taht moe an teh peeples wif her will be safe {{{{{moe}}}}}
Thanks all, for the good thoughts and prayers!
.
I am now home safe (it’s after 6:30am on Thursday). At about 5 am, the 80 or so of us who were in my office building figured it was safe to drive home. Five of the attack sites were no more than a five-minute walk from my workplace. The two luxury hotels are about 1 to 1.5 kilometers away. I was incredibly lucky to be not only alive and safe, but even comfortable (we had access to news, food, water, bathrooms, and phones). Many people here have not been so lucky.
.
If I may suggest one more way to help — please support organizations that work to remove poverty, and to create sustainable and equitable livelihoods, in places where terrorism is a problem. That includes India, Pakistan, and Afghanistan. I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to suggest any non-sectarian charities here. If people are interested, I could suggest a few.
so glad u r home and safe, moe!!
dat’s a gud suggestion, and wif teh Krissmuss season, many peoples give to charities, so hopefully some peoples will halp.
I myself do not know wot charities do that sort of thing.. CCF maybe? Sew if u has some suggestions, ifinkso they wud be most welcome.
I haz a happitayle too no yoo beez home now, Moe. I awso tinks dat dis is a gweat idea … so much of teh dissatisfactshun in teh whirled dat weads too teh tewwowism is cawsed bi teh poberty. Iffen yoo cuds bee lettinz mii nows, i sartainly bee suppawtin’ dem!
Ize happy too see u moe!
{{{{{moe}}}}}}
So glad you are safely home now, Moe, and that even during the crisis you had good conditions. Yes, please do suggest some genuinely helpful charities. From a distance, it’s hard to sort out the effective ones from the less effective ones.
Bless you, and everyone else, too.
hmmmm i finkso ICHC awr Werdpretzel nawt liek mah charity sujeshunz. ai maded two posts an links but teh innertubes eeted them
(akshully, teh posts apeered, an den dizzapeered, sew ai fink mebbeh dey wuz deleeted bai teh Cheezes?)
.
well ai tryz agin, dis tiemz widout linkeez. In Pakistan dere be Edhi Foundation, in Afghanistan dere be RAWA, an in India dere be Asha for Education. Deze awl non-vylint orgs, halpin pore peeps tu get a ejumakayshun an get medikkl kaer an stufs.
my liitle kitty want big kitty salesman cum visit!!!!!!!!!
NUN shall pass!!
<3 Teh Holy Grail!
But, if haz shrubbery, we can pass? **offers shrubbery, runs over bridge**
noe, u muz bryng mii a…
….
herring!
and cut down a tree wif it!
*Does Madeline Kahn impression* A hewwing?
dats a vewy gud impwesshun!
Was Bismawk a hewwing?
ownly if youz makez won level higher dan teh udder and make a path!
and THEN u must bring me… a coconut!!!!
Crackked, so I can get to teh wite stuffs!
Seriouslee.
I is sposed to make a coconut caek tonite and I can’t get into teh bleedin thing!!
Yoo R using a reel coconut? Waow! My dad used to buy them sumtymes. He wud hammer a nail into wun of teh “eyes” until it crakked, then use a screwdriver (which my nephew used to call a slybobba for sum reeson!) to split it open. Gud luk!
Ai’m sposed to maek plum pudding this week, oar by Noverbrrrr 30 at teh LATEST. There will be mutinee at Christmas if ai shows up wifowt it adn mai whirrld-famus nanaimo bars.
Has a gud Fanksgibbing, all yoo yanks!
U makes plum pudding! I fink thatz much harder than a coconut!!
*struggles wif coconut some mores*
*throws it down*
*no effect watsoever*
*cept it caused teh kittesh to vanish*
Wot’s ‘nanaimo’?
Iz a town in British Columbia. Ai fink nanaimo bars R alos called Fudge Meltaways? Bottom layer is butter, cocoa, graham crumbs, coconut, walnuts, egg and sugar, middle layer is icing sugar and egg (or custard), and top layer is melted semi-sweet chocolate, which hardens. Iz mai downfall. Dat’s wai ai onlee maeks dem at Krissmas.
Didja trai my dad’s meffod yet?
ah.. sowry, I was laffin too hard at teh Lady’s advices to trust myselfs wif sharp tools. brb
*goes to try slybobba wif a hammer*
*”Jeopardy” feme wile ai wates*
Oh! Adn ai wanted to thank everyone involved with organizing, writing and performing in the concert today! What a thread! What a concert! Such talent we have here!!!!!11! Personally, I was gripped with performance anxiety, but next time (maybe Boxing Day?) I will prepare in advance!
Um, this may be a stupid question, but I thought you didn’t have Boxing Day in the U.S. of A.?
SUCCESS!!!!
Um, but sowry ODK, it wuz teh Lady’s methud that werked.
Teh slybobba onlee made a bunch of slybobba-sized holes in teh dratted thing. So I tuk it out back, and ONE whack on teh concreet steps, and it borked rite in two, nice and neet as u pleese! I LOL’d so loud I̵