Fexlibility
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Cheezburger Network Blog
Bot kitteh at IKEA. Nawt shur ai assembled prawpurrlee. Kyoot & apparentlee funkshunl tho…
Congarata layshuns, NS. Tawp Spot!
Kittehs r always purrfect no matter how assemblied!
W00t, w00t, NS wif deh Nawt sekkund!! wut kinda dans adn drinksiez ya wanting??
Well – it wuz vanillol martoonies & candee corn fur teh last fred — no reezin to stawp nao, aifinkso.
I is not sposed to has adult beverages for a few days. U wants mines, NS?
LCB!!!! i think ur drugz haz eeray sing ur memmreez. u noez deh drinkeez heer awl b alkeehawl free!!! Uzzerwize, I kun’t ha b ennee eezer.
But diz iz deh majiklol Cheezland, u kin due ennyfing u wanting. (eggsept beeing meen) 
.
Heer, haz a martoonee adn sum kandee kormz.
Cheez!1
Wait, whut? U means all this time I has been waring a lampshade on my hed wifout acksually being under teh infloluence?
Oh hai! I redded ur post on deh eelyer fred. I b so glad deh surgreez wented ok!! I nebber heard uv deh smoking mediklol procedjur b4.
I awlwayz thot deh Docz sed ‘no smoking’. 
Ooh, wuz lcb’z ladee partz gozing up in smoakz? du nawt want.
Is like a clinical re-enactment of teh old joke about “Does u smoke after teh s-3-x?” “I dunno, I never looked.”
If you do…….SLOW DOWN!!!
Da nottee barn bell ringeth!
ifinkso ebreebody needs to go to teh nawty barn today
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Ai’ll hav to reed bak reel qwik!! (ly)
I sure wish we hadz our comment votin burgurz ! I’d be handin them out like crazee rite now.
Well, u knoes that teh doctors sez one thing then does another. It’s all part of teh Hypocritical Oath they takes.
But yoo ar OK nao, rite?? :worried fayce:
O LCB, ai haz a vizhun uf yu warin da lampshaid ron wai up, laik da pawrly kittehs, jus so yu carnt lik… o wel, yu noes whut ai meenz!!
me tew, me tew!!!! schlurp, schlurp
*wipes mouf* fanks!!!
oh noes, ish me tew fur teh martoonies (nawt teh shamplade)
Ai liekz pruty shamplades! U weareded purty ons?
i think dey b deh fashunablol ack! sesoreez.
yup, i do.
Ohai {{{{{lcb}}}}} haop yur minyunz kep owt da rifrafz ok fur yu tu recubbur tudai nd yu iz feline ok aftur yur oar deal. Ai wuz going tu sedn da florewz but yu sed yur lurgik. wunt wantz yu tu sneze yur slef hurtee.
Oh, lady m! How thotful of u to not send flours!
It was not too bad. I has no memories of teh bad part and I doesn’t hurt hardly at all even now. But I has to take it easy for a few days. Can u send some firemans over to do some chores for me?
If ai cud getz dem tu du yurz maibe ai cud getz dem tu du main. ai dunt se it hapuning. Shur wisht sumbuddee caim nd did wile ai wuz at mai clas nd at da stoar. Mai tieming wuz orf nd wuz no frymenz dere tudai. sigh. nd ai neded nap bai den tu wifowt enny surjuries. Gettingz owld iz pleh.
Tho, az ai tellz mah boifren kitteh, gettin owld iz butter than nawt!
yup, its wen yoo stop getting old taht yoo haz a problum!
Unlses u b teh Droian Grai – oh ai gess himz had teh porblm 2, din’t him?
Yesh!
*having a vision of the future*…I can see………fyremens……..tasked with stretching for things placed high upon shelves, and………having to bend down…….no squat down……no wait….both for heavy things placed upon the floor.
.
.
.
and all through this there is are strange flashes of light.
Sowndz gud tu mii!! Ware du I siyning up??
Ai haz a fyreman storee. Abowt 2 years ago, mai grandparentz were out ob town when der burglar alarm short circuited. Teh alarm kept indicatin fyre in teh house. So teh burglar alarm people kept sendin teh fyremans to check on teh howse, make shur it didn’t burn down. Well, ai haz tu meet teh fyremenz at teh howse each tiem it happenz, and it happened 3 tiems dat week! Ai sware, Ai hab nebber in mai lyfe seen such well developed arm, shoulder, adn back muscles.Those guys were gorgeous! Ai doan’t think ai stopped starin teh whole tiem they wuz inspectin teh howse. Ai really cud hab used teh Nawty Barn fur awl mai not so pure thowts. Ai wuz glad mai Granny’s howse not actshully awn fyre, but ai wuz definitely disappointed when teh alarm company fixed teh short circuit and teh fyremenz nebber came bak!
*reads story wif interest, goes to hit own alarum system wif a blunt instrument*
Let me know how dat wurks, LCB.
At mai howse, we haz an alarm for a short circuit in a window wunce, and a kupple ob alarms when birds fly into windows (sad) – but NEBBER any alarms tat bring teh fyremenz tu mai howse. Ai must fix that.
*Ponders how tu get fyremenz tu howse*
*waits tu see if LCB’s trick wurked*
Well, so far teh only visitor is next-store naybor saying “kwit all that pounding!”
I will has to spearmint further. Mabye play wif teh lectricals a little. But not today. I has had enough smoke coming out of body parts for one day.
lcb lcb LCB, darlin’ ya gotta go for subtle. If it’s an obvious fault, then it’s fixed and they don’t have to return.
and ya need tehm ta coem back. they is hawt fyreman!!!1
ai see wether lcbs plan wurks. nawt shure if parents liek mai ruineen alarm systm, but tis mean hawt fyreman.. ai donts care..
just get yer momkitteh in on the plan, she doan gotta order, but she ken luk atta menu. and assist ya in yer order.
Ai can serb us awl bananana Splits!
Wud u liek wun NS?
Um … sure! Ai kin haz caramel sauce onnit? Prittee plz?
Ai wud liik a nana spwit… xra choklit plz!
I can has caramel sauce, too? And coffee-flavur ice creems? And watermelon-flavur bananers?
Banananna Splits fur eberywun!
*Scoop, scoop, scoop the icescreem*
*Drizzle caramel sauce for Nyghtshade*
*Xtra chawklet for BDM*
We haz plentuh ob whippee cream if u lieks it!
And awl sorts ob majikul toppings!
*Heading out into Cheezland with the ice screem cart*
Get yur ice screem! Get yur ice screem here!
NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
*wipes paws and whissers* Berry gud! Thnx 3floofiekittehs! I can haz moor whippee creams?
NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
Moar whippe creem- and it’s awl calury free!
And be shur tu pick up yur non-alkoholic alcoholic beberidj tu!
Dey r bein serbed abuv!
*nomnomnomnom*
Mmm…. dis iz teh yummeh.
*nomnomnomnom*
*wiepz caramel frum wiskurs*
ai wants a bananana split! can goes with mai pyklets and hershys saucey thingee!!!1
Yoga- sew eezy a cat kan du it!
haha nais taykawff on da Geico slolgan!
Dis mai new yoga pose!!
I kawlz it deh butterfly.
Itz a byootimus buterfly!
I likez deh pinkee toe padz wif giant spotz on em.
Wun ob mai 3floofies has black spots on her toe pads – jus liek dis kitteh.
Xceptin, mai kitteh be a liittle too floofie to strike dis pose, if u know whut ai mean. She iz in needz of teh kitteh wieght watchers!
Stoopy hyoomins. I can lick mah own bum, what can u do?
If we kud duz dat, weed neber leev hoam & wud get fired & nawt has munniez fur gushyfuds (or eben kruncheefuds) ennymoar.
Stoopy? Ai ken open gushifood cans wid mai opposible thumbs!
Why doan’t u try that?
Oh hai, Dis b a Cheezpeepz Map update. Wuzzat? u duz’t noeing bowt dhe map? Well, u just lukking at diz:
It b mai dreem tu habbing deh Cheezpeepz awl ober deh whirrld. Dis map b fur awl deh cheezpeepz — comminterz, lurkerz, adn eben deh trollz. U awl b a part uv deh Cheezland. If u b reeding dis, u shud b on deh map! Oh, u dun’t noe howz tu b onna map?? it b eezee. sending deh emayo tu cweenmj@gmail.com telling mii ur ICHC name adn ur lokashun. Deh lokashun can b az exact or az vague az u b liking 2 protekting ur privacy. i followz ur wishes. Dere awlso b ruum for a comment if u wanting to say ‘Oh Hai’ oar sumfing. And if u wanting it, I kin putting in deh bloo linkee tu ur ICHC profile.
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http://www.maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&hl=en&msa=0&ll=44.412202,-92.823486&spn=0.847561,1.763306&z=9&msid=103775879896697322828.0004573f951750ea89599
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I startinged dis map just wun munf ago, and awlreddee wii haz 259 Cheezpeepz on deh map!! Dere b sew mennee I haz started dividingz dem up in2 Kololoneez. Deh Cateefurnya Kololonee b deh biggest wif over 20 peepz. On deh map, deh Kololoneez b habbing deh green push-pin marker. Deh commint fur teh kololonee marker haz deh namez uf deh peepz and a link tu deh map fur dat Kololonee. I hav madinged a masterlist uv Cheezpeepz, sew u kin nowing witch kololonee deh peepz b in.
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But, dere still b mennee plaisis wifowt ennee cheezpeepz.
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wii now return u tu ur reglar commints.
Haz fine ally lerned hao to muv map so cann see de places and de namez. Thnx for all de werk U doo 4 us!
No matteh wat dis post seys, is 11:45 a.m. here in Mtn Tyme Zone.
Kno one haz said dat kitteh mai be flexxibbl, but still can’t spell. ???
It’s probably a good thing I didn’t caption that picture. I would’ve gone for a more low-brow joke about how he doesn’t need female cat friends.
Mah boifren tok yoga for dis purrpose… he still be berry fwexibible.
:80:
Hmmmph! nawt ownlee du dey stele mai shuz but ai cant maik da lol fais ai ment tu. If dey gibz me $150000 ai wil goze tu bai sum new shuz.
if yoo mented to make shocky face
its : shock : all skwished togevver. if yoo mented to make sunglasses face 
its 8 ) all skwished… yoo gets teh idea
Greetings, mai Ladee. When did ur shews go missing? Ai wuz wunderin whut happened tu yur prettee green shews. Can ai send u a new pare on teh Cheezpeep Overnight Xpress?
U mite check teh back of Mt. McKinley. I
steeledborryed shoos from cheezpeeps to decorate my mount for teh Happy Wedding Gremlin race teh ohter day.U shur do borrow alot!
Look me up in teh lolcyclopedia:
Lolcatburglar (felix yoinkurstuffawae): a borrowing mammal. Prefers ground-level surfaces; sometimes found in high places. Frequently seen in the company of firemans (hunkus smokinghottis).
*tips a jar ob catnip oil on lolcatburglar adn cawls teh fyremins*
actually… This kitty is a girl.
I know because she is my kitty. lolz.
Ohai eberreebodee!
Oh hai, BDM!! How goez thingz in deh norfland?
Tings be otay… no haz snoe yet, but mebbee dai affer Caterday. Ai haz homewerks doe. Nawt much end in mah weekend dis tiem
“Masters” = pleh! Wen ai gets jawb again, doe, that make mah paycheck = purrz
Hao u be, cweenmj? Hao ebereebodee todai?
Wii awl b fine heer. Wii haz deh cold norf wind — strate frum minnee soda, ifinkso!! but lotza sunshinez. Playinged wif deh grandsun wuz deh funz.
Grandsuns givez a happi! Mai boifren has seben gransbebies (owldest be grownd up naw!) so I sorta has granbebies, but not myn, ef u noes wot ai means.
Sorree to hab let da draffs in, cweenmj, doe todai was awmoss warm hear. Try not to leab door openz again! Ai haz a happi it nawt minneSNOWta yet!
Diz boi not b mai flesh and blud, but him b deh gransun in mai hart. Dat b awl dat matterz.
Hart infinitlee moar importint tahn bluds. Yep yep! {{{cween}}}
Ai glad yu had teh funs.
ANOM!
Itz bin hawt heer in SoCal — still hawt. Liek in teh 90s hawt. We can haz autumn nao, plz?
Yes. *folds hands and looks imploring* Pwwweeeeeeze?
*packages up cowld wedder, and sends it to SoCal* Heer u go!
*Buildz giant wind deflekter tu routing deh
*cold wind tu deh soufwest.
Ahhhhh, Dat feelz betterer!
Thankee!
Nao ai iz cold.
Ai jus kint win.
*turns off pyooter & goes hoam … finally*
G’nite, Nightshayde! {{{{NS}}}}
Ah, u unnerstanz kompweetwee den! Da hart mattrz mostest.
oh yes. Deh peepz uv deh hart must b cherished.
mai life, it b deh soap opera.
.
Short version:
Mai boi marriez deh lubblee Jenni. i luvving her az mine own. She kawllingz mii Mummy. Dey divorse after sevral yrs. Moar yrz later, Jenniz mom diez uv cancer. Den mai boi diez bai himz own hand. I still luving Jenni az mine own. She haz no mom, I haz no child, but wii haz ee chudder. Maor yrs later, Jenni marriez mai boiz bestest fren. moar yrz pass. I retirez and selling dem mai howse. Dey haz byootifull babeh boi. i b deh happyest grummy!!!
Sowndz liek u haz a brite, shiny rainbow after a sad.
Whut a lucky Jenny adn babeh boi! Adn u tu!
Yes, I b berry lukky!!
“Life iz wut u make it.” –G. Keillor
Deer cweenmj. Yur storee iz so sad – an yet wif such an unexpected happee ending! Ai nebber know kwite what to sai – except teh twists an terns ov ar lives ar most wundrous indeed. {{{{{{{cweenmj}}}}}}}
evrybuddee has a storee. yurz is berry sad an still berry byootiful!
luv luv {{{{{{cween}}}}}}
Oh noes! iz sad sun tooked away him life from u! Ai donut fink peeps noes hao much dey impornent to peeps in dere life wen dey dood dat, or dey wudnt due it.
Ai haz a happee dat u gotz to keep Jenni an has brangabbie, er, granbebbeh da be ur hart granbebbeh, doe! Iz gud to hab fambly to lub!
Ai glad yu an Jenni an Jenni’s babeh boi iz having each otter. Taht be a berry hard fing foar bof uv yu, an iz gud yu haz what yu needing in each otter. {{{{{cweenmj}}}}}
just waytin for teh trolz to com along an say how bad it iz to twist yor kitteh into dis pozishun just to taek a funny pikshur…
(WUT iz WIF peeplez lately?)
Apparently, dere b mennee “cat lovers” hoo have never akshullee had catz.
.
I find it berry berry strainj.
i haz had kittehs pretty much my hole life, an it iz my obversayshun taht kittehs kan an will do purty much anyfing. if yoo are lukky an/or payshunt enuff to haz teh kamra handy an get a graet shot, tehn yay for yoo.
An teh ‘anyfing’ haz preddy gud odds uv braking teh laws uv fizziks az we unnerstand them. *nodnod* If yu can fink uv it, or if you can nawt, kittehs can and will du it.
i reeded a fing, wen i wuz feeling gilty cawze we did not keep happycat in himz own room for teh furst week him wuz heer cawz he howled all night long teh furst night, so i wuz lookin for wut a mebbee did rong, an fownd sumfin taht sed dis tekneek iz “convenshunal wizdom,” but kittehs genrally don’t care wut teh “convenshual wizdom” sez. spoze teh same fing goez for teh lawz ob fizix. anyhoo, maded me feel better.
The fing wif convenshunal wizdum iz taht kittehs du nawt going tu the
They tu buzy finking uv ways to bork teh braynes uv meer hyoomins.
convenshuns to get the script.
Yup, just like razin kidz.
U kin reed awl deh bukz u wantz.
But, deh kittehz and deh kidz, dey not reeding deze bukz.
Dey just b dueing wut dey wantz tu.
It’s ok to be raising kidz, but plz to not be throwing them!
Unless dey b liking it!!
exactly, the thrilled shriek of glee in a kid being lobbed into the pool, on to the trampoline, etc.
Now this pool of which u speek: is it filled wif watters or filled wif nothing?
Kud b filled wif ….
Applol sauce
Bloonz
Cantelopez
D…..
“Don’t Do This to Ur Kitteh” trolls
Elebenty gallons of goo
Floof in sordid colors
G…
Gooshyfuds
Happi faces & hed bonks
Intertubes manules
Jewl blu bukkits
Kitteh pikchers
LOLruseses
M…
Game show contestants
Huge manateez
Ink
Jaguarz
K…….
Kibbles and bits of chewed-up troll
Lemon herring pie
Mailbags fulla junk mails
Nits, ready for picking
O…
Orinjez
Platy pusses
Quarellsum trollz
Rambunkshus rodeo klownz
S…
Smoke from an unknown origin
Tetley’s Camel Mile Teabags
Unnerwares from teh D-Cart
V…
Variable Viscosity
Whipped cream
X…
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*shudders* nawt the camel….mile….tea, nawt again *shudders moar*
Xtra heavy cream.(see above)
Yellow dye (to be someones ray of sunshine)
Zee Zurface ZZkimmer, to remove floaty bits of troll
.
whew
Xtreemlee kold wadders
YNGs
Zebra danny-ohs
Blech. Yes, plz tu remove floaty bits of troll.
do what?
I fink dey be skareded. Ekkonomee borked. Ebreybuddy a litlol extry touchee lately ifinkso.
sigh…
Oooo, dots!
Beets me.
Ai just du nawt get sum of the stuff they say or where they getting it frum, ’cause it nawt much rezembul lyf as we know it wif kittehs.
Mebbe we shud shun teh trolls…
*luks at tu kittehs twisted intu pretzels awn the bed that wud send me tu kiropractor*
*shrugs and settles daon tu ponder if trolls wud maek gud kitteh litter*
wouldn’t be worth a tinkers-damn, a troll can’t absorb an idea that conflicts with thier sorry, sad, narrow little world-view. You can’t expect shredded troll to absorb anything else.
:LOL:
Elebendy burgers fur u!
*tips hat and bows*
.
thanky
hey, dan, yoo sed yoo iz wurkin for shows by jason mraz an rem? i haz a jelluss
Mraz was last night, REM is later tonight, the Old ’97’s are on right now.
Hm, a berry egg-salad point. Sad, but berry troo.
Tehre must be sumfing we can resykle trolls intu. They nawt wurth much nao, but there MUST be a use fur them sumhao.
rat poison, if you can find a rat ya want dead that has no sense of taste…….or smell for that matter.
.
we could try catfish food, they’ll eat anything on the bottom of the lake.
Add them tu anti-freeze tu keep critters frum drinking it?
then we cud go fishin fur trolls fur sport! Bait the hook and watch them bite.
then land them in the boat and throw them back, after clubbing them in the head so as not to catch them again.
I reckon I should apologize for that one, I’m in a mean mood. Y’all shouldn’t have to deal with it as well.
Ai feeling a bit vindictive tuwards trolls maiself, atta moment… an yu nawt targetting us wif mean mood.
Yu iz otay? Bad day? Nawt enuff sleep an tu much caffeen?
*Handz Dan a soothing cuppa camel mile tea*
:snerk:
camel……..mile…………..tea
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that’s just wrrRONGGGG on way too many levels on wrongididity.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL!! An Nao yoo haz maed mee laff!!
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Twaz purrrrrhaps a bit kroool fur poor shd, tho! LOL!
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Camel mile tea! BWHHAHAHAHAHAHahahahah!! ROFL!!
AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa*gasp*aaaAAAAAAAaaaaahhhhh*thud*
;oops: sorreee! ( LOL!!!) Reelee! Ai thot yoo had goan to bed!!
Maek that
ov corse! 
WAII iz that so funneh! ?? Ai can’t stop laffing!!
O deer! Ai dint see the *thud*.
.
Ar yoo OK?? Wud yoo laik sum nyce hawt choklit???
dunno If I’ll see bed tonight either. It’s 3:15…ish, and I gotta be back here by 9:00. At best 4:30 before I get home, get up at 7:00. Sigh.
.
Well Alannis oughta be worth it.
*tuks sawt pillow under shd’s hed*
*covers shd wif warm cashmere blankee*
*puts cup ov hawt choklit neerbai*
Ai must go to bed nao! Hoep yoo ar at leest comfee nao!
all y’all er dolls. see yaz later.
Yoo need to hav a bed there! Getting hoam at 4:30 an then getting up at 7:00 hardlee seems wirth it! ON TEH ODDER HAND, sleep yoo must! Iznt there a nice couch neerbai?
not for me, I use the plywood rack in the shop. I gotta couple of load-blankets and a open-cel foam pad that works well enough for me.
.
have ya seen the Camels?
At least den dey wud b useful.
skoopable or non-skoopable?
Prezzel kitteh is bean prezzel?
hey! she did it herself and i captured the moment, I no twist the kittehs!
Pretzyl kittoon. Verii fexlibuhlz.
Rubik’s cyoob kitteh?
Duz that mayk hairballs a Rubik’s Rebenj?
o noes – ai posted too a picshur frum yestiddy – so ai coppees it heer soes cheezpeepz can seeez it heer n nawt seeez it ober der…
hai efurrybodee! ai haz bin gawn a whyle – caws mai meen boss downt fink ai shud bee awn de inntertubes! ai iz havin bad tyme at werk sew ai haz too bee carefuwl n cant bisit heer much! ai haz a sad frum dat.
but ai haz a happee too be bak wiff cheezfrendz!!!
Oh Hai! zippercat. Haz u tried telling ur boss dat a happy werker iz a pro duck tive werker?
teh noive! hoo do tohze bosses fink tehy are, huh? yoo are not teh only wun in dis pozishun, tehr are ovver frends dis haz happend to, an we misses tehm. an sum ob teh yunger cheezfrenz haz to do tehr HOMWURK insted ob viziting cheezland! but yoo must keep yor job, an teh yung cheezfrenz must not flunk owt ob skool.
oh, teh hugh manatee.
{{{zippercat}}}
did someone call me?
Where ebbreeboddee goez? Anibodee stall heer?
Ebbereebodee muss be nappin… happi sleepies!
Ohai B_D_m!! It duz feel reel stranj to bee teh awnlee wun heer. Sumhao reelee skeeree sumtaims. An nao ai think ai’m going to bed, too!
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NIte, nite, ebreewun!!
kitteh az modern art
hrmmm der soemthing rong der….
i has flexibility 2!