I’z feelz so…
I’z feelz so… insignificant
da wurld iz sew big nd i sew small.
picture: Nicolette. lol caption: NicBird
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
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Cheezburger Network Blog
Ah heck!
*SPPLLOORRTTT!
All ober dat nice jlean flor!
wee-ooo-weee-ooo-weee-ooo!
CCC tew the reskew!
*CCC rollz up, skweek skweek, where’s Igor tew oil this thing?*
Kwik, Maus, put awn thsi 50’s baving cap, nooooooo, here’s a CRH w/doi, decoramated wiv autumn themez an mausie manly stuff.
Taype taypey taype
An a cuppa hawt choclit tew. I go lok 4 blankiez, k? Relacks, u is ok nao!
I dunno wut a CRH is, but wut u need is CHRG. Maybe teh alternate you-nee-berse theory is got me.
A CRH iz a Chikkin-Remobing Hamstur. Dis iz wy it nawt sew good on cute stuff.
Whu…? Wha…? Where am I?
Ohai ZF. Thanks fer helpin…
*Looks up at the picture*
Uh ohs!
*MuffledSPLORTRumbleRumbleBOOM*
*The CRH Explodes*
Blarrrrgh!
*Klunk*
Okay, ai taeks awt teh big guns with Jack Def’s pome…
Heer’z t3h CCC
Vakkyumez up awlll t3h braynz andz
poarz dem bakk insyde
Buderfyl Band~Aydz
strrretch and maykz Ayteen’z hedd luukz
awll nyss andz prittee
Heer’z CHRG!
pullz daown and rapps wiff Dukkt Tayp.
Can haz Vellkro 2!
Can haz Bunjee Coardz
ifz U lyke. Hanbz Iee~Bryte Tee
oarz zestee Red Zingrrrr
Awllso habz froazin
Millkee Wayz orz Hurshee Bawrz
wiff nommee awllmundz
Nyss floofee blankitt
4 U 2 keeps warm. Dis wun
habz lawtza bunneez
Jack.
I fink teh bungee cords r a nise touch!
But u forgotted one thing.
Maus shud always be blindfolded…. otterwise he just keeps re-splortin hisself.
*ties blindfold on maus, gel-pak, nise and cool*
Oh, and teh applicashun of skotch seems to halp too.
*hands maus a skotch*
U gonna ok now?
Or shud I stay and keep an I on u?
Fanks. I think I’ll be OK. I shud no beddur tahn to luk up after a splort…
Yes!! Yoo shud! Heer – ai browt yoo thiz reelee warm Forres Green Chashmere lap robe fur yoo to keep warm in wile yoo rest a bit!
.
Sum day maybee yoo’ll lern – but ai’m nawt holding mai bref!!
Ohai JCH4K!!!
*twine an liddle jumps*
Hao are you todai?
{{{{{azuberflolte}}}} HAO glad ai am taht yoo ar bak!
An ai’m fayrlee fein, awl things considured!
.
Teh sun iz shining – an itz nawt raying! LOL! A gud start!!
Yes, awl things considerded. I hope u liked teh fwowerz an awl? I finkso I fergawt tew wryte u a personal note……
mea culpa
OMIGOSH YESS!!! Yoo dint see teh link where ai showed the flours?
.
They were – alas – were -(they ar still heer – but verree much
“were!”
.
Ai’ll see if ai can find it!!
Janet, can u emayo it tew me? I haz tew go nao……
Heer they ar – an may yard, too!
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=u9gav71.819teptt&x=0&h=1&y=-kmdemu&localeid=en_US
.
And yes ai can an yes ai will!
I’z has happee u awl taking guud caer of Maus.
Dems very perty flauers. Dis gud fing ew taeks da picshurs ov ewr yards, ai was finking da flauers ard da prety but dey in da way ov da very beatumous yards dat ai wans tu see. Ewr gronds very peasfull an lobely. Fanks fur sharin dat ew has gud energies ov da muddr nashur fur ewr sad tiems.
Ai wul keeped taht in midn 4 necks tiem. Blindfold and Skotch. Got it!
Praps Maus needz sum happigoggiegogglez – dey aer spozed to purrvent splortin.
Okay, Aisle byte. What r happigoggiegogglez?
Dey aer teh sort uv gogglez dat googiez sumtiemz ware wen dey stikk dere hedds owt uv teh car windo wen terh car iz goin fast.
I forgot my Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses today. They always help with splort prevention…
But hao can u see compyooter skreen wiv them awn? Dont they myke awl teh stuff behyne teh screen bizziblol insted ov teh akshewall piktchoor?
“Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses have been specially designed to help people develop a relaxed attitude to danger. At the first hint of trouble, they turn totally black and thus prevent you from seeing anything that might alarm you.”
Sowndz like sumfin Leeza wud hav cookd up in teh d’Beaker lab?
Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy ref, actually. Douglas Adams.
ah but…. isn’t it teh nature of the kitteh-indooced splort that u is overcome by teh kyootness, b/c itz preventing u from realizing teh danger in teh furst plase?
Here is the sequense as I sees it:
*sees kitteh*
*immediatley thinks, ‘how cyoot’!*
*flite or fite sindrome is deeactivated*
*cyootness of teh kitteh is therefore free to do itz wurst*
*splorting ensoos*
but perhaps more research is nessessary.
*takes blindfold off maus and points him at teh lol*
NO! I don’t have my sunglasses on!
*SPLOOOORT!!!*
Blargh!
*picks sunglasses off teh top of maus’s hed*
U meen these?
*Pats maus gentlee on teh cheek*
*No not THAT one*
Maus..u ok??
Uh-ohs.
‘Allo! I found all of these lovely cerveaux here, so I thought I would prepare a cocotte en terre. Try some?
OMCC, Maus still being splorted! Fur teh fird tiem, n no resku fur a whyle! Taht can nawt be a gud fing fur teh braynes!
*rummages in teh sordid pokkts uv teh Cyoot Hazmat Soot (wdoi) fur anwt-sekkund aid fings*
*unfolds teh mini-sweepee-fing n sweepee sweepee teh braynes tugevver in a pyle*
*uzes teh mini-boddle uv distilled watters tu rinsing teh braynes cleen* Hm, nawt enuff watter fur awl cleen, but ai got teh wurst awf anyway, aifink.
*uzes teh braynehorn (sorda lyke shuhorn) to put braynes back in braynium*
*replayces teh hedbones*
*adds 50s bavving cap*
*taypee taypee wif neon pink dukkee taype*
*adds new CHRG (wdoi) (teh drawerings be uv sordid daytime talk-sho hostses fur protekshun frum cyootnesses)*
*taypee taypee taypee until taype awl gawn*
Otay, sit still, ai seeing if ai can finding hawt drink n fings foar yu. Heer, having a dark chokklit moose while ai looking. Du NAWT luk at pikshur again!
Well, branes are like unnerwares.
U has to take them out to air once in a while.
*pats maus onna cheek and putz his sunglasses secyoorly in place*
I fink u better keep these on aftur all.
But an xtra purrteckshun wudn’t hurt.
*puts blondfold on over maus’s Joo Janta yaddayaddayadda sunglasses*
Better than blindfold, ifinkso!
ONOEZ!!!! Awl mai fawlt! I sew owt of practiss I fergawt tew bacyoom up teh braynes!
OK.
*Schlwerrrp Schlwerrrp Schlwerrrp Schlwerrrp skoopy skoopy*
*Molekyoolaire siv aktivayted*
*tuk tuk tuk*
Gonna try a 50’s bayving cap this tyme, sry Maus!
Ann alla JackD’s para…pharfur…phenyl…extra stuffz tew.
Nother tot o’ Scotch.
Feelz bedderer nao?
UhOh – Maus had nawt onlee nawt secund plas, but alzo SPLORT!!! Halp!!!
call Dr Tinycat stat
Yesh, he wud halp! Maibee he haz teh blankees? Ai foun JackDef’s CCC pome, but zauberflolute kam toteh reskew! Whew!!
But ENE Jack Deth pome iz awlwaiz welcom!
an that iz a troolee grate wun!
.
ai dunno, Dr Tinycat iz bery bery kyoot an splortashus — mite gib Maus a nudder relaps!
Dat’s a biggie kitchen 4 a widdle kitteh!
But deh kitteh b deh most important part uv deh kitchin.
Hao troo! an sumhao, an impawtent life’s liddl lesson fur us awl today!
.
cweenmj, yoo ar nawt awnlee a grate storeeteller, yoo awlso ar a filosofur ov note!! ♪
Huzzbin sez most uv mai notez b off-kee.
ANOM! An kitteh noez it tew
He’s grow into it.
no maddur hao small da kitteh… eet will ulwais bee biggur dan ebben da hoel unibers… jes taek a look into eets i’s… der bees da hoel unibers adn iffn da kitteh alowses u 2 snorglol eet… u fergits ebery howebber wors problim…
kitteh cannawt bees insignificant… sumbunneh shud tellz dis da kitteh {{{{{{ kyoot littlol kitteh inna beeg kitchun }}}}}}
almost… invisibul.
Ai bet taht feels all too familyar!
onlee 2 much!!
how r u todays DK?
Doing anyfing fun this weekend?
maybe ride ‘ur’ horse?
alice cat lost in deh wunderland
she shudunt have eated the cake
But…it siad “Eat Me!!” Wut elz cud seh do???!!??11??
now she hazzta start cryin’ tew flood teh playse wiff tears
but alice kat shood no da cake is a lie!!
Jus u leab a liddle niffi onna floor. kthxbai.
Can u spare a square?
i sharez yer pain bebbeh kitteh, isharezitido
{{{2w2b2s}}}
heer, haz a nice hot cuppa cocoa wif deh wippee creem adn chokklit sprinklolz.
*reternz frum teeDish stavf mtg*
thank you Your MJaesty *with kurtsea*
Ai will taek u hoem wiv me, liddle kitteh an lub u an hug u an cawl u jorj
But… but… yu nawt insignificant, kitteh! Just small… so berry berry small… n cyoot… so berry teeny n cyoot…
Nooooooooooooo!
SPLORT
WEEEEOOOH WEEEEOOOH WEEEEOOOH – hier cumz teh CCC
Scoopee up PKs braynes
Pattee pattee bak inna haed
apply CHRG(wdoi) adn sekur wif dukee taep
*riiiipppppppp, tapee tapee — riiiiipppppp, tapee tapee*
Hier’s a hawt choklit and a Cheezmap floofy blankee. U b OK suun.
Fank yu, Karen. Ai got cot toadallee bai suprize. Waek up, open Fyrefox, n first fing ai saw befoar eben awaek wuz teh teeny… cyoot… berry small… Ack!
*steals Maus’ Peril Sensitive Sunglasses*
Ai kno wut u meen. Glad tehy wur in reech.
Owayt, tehse nawt being Maus’ Peril Sensitive Sunglasses! Tehy be zoom lenzes fur seeing fings moar cleererlee!
*rips awf teh glasses*
*scrambles madly fur teh Cyoot HazMat Soot (wdoi) wif teh auto-tint vizer*
Aw, teh littlol bebbeh! WANT!!!
.
.
Guies, Ai can has hugz? Ai has been in contack wif teh pleh Hubbeh thro emayle an jes roted teh hardist wun ai ebber had 2 him. Ai has a beeg hard sad nao.
{{{{{{rhsb}}}}}}
Sometimes it’s not easy being ebil, my minion…
Fanks, EM.
It wasn’t even ebil. I just told him that I think that we should keep our communication through attorneys only, since things have deteriorated to an adversarial tone and it’s very emotionally taxing on me, and possibly him.
I also said that I still think fondly of him, his family and our friends. I am keeping a distance from our common friends, because I don’t want to drag them into our mess. I asked him to tell them that I miss them and think of them often.
He just emailed me back and was still nasty. I want to just write back and say “Shut up and leave me alone!”
Sorry for the lack of lolspeek.
Don’t write back, no point. He’ll just throw sumfing else at u dat will hurt. Tell ur fwends urself, if u can. They’ll beleeve u moar if u do it urself. K?
{{{{rhsb}}}}
Don;t wurry bowt deh lak uv lolspeek, u noez it b opsunul. Deh pleh hubbeh contact just taking awl deh lol owtta u. It will kum bak.
*handz rhsb a nice hot cuppa tea wif huney tu shoothing hur.
an rhsb – ai gibs yoo sum choklit biscotti to go wif teh nice tee!
.
That ar so sad! There iz nuthing yoo can doo escept wayte fur taim to heer ebreething.
.
An ai think yoo shud trai maybee to see the frenz yurself Yoo dont hav to tawk about yur sitchooayshun. But wai shud he get to keep the frenz???
.
An maybee it iz taim yoo started thinking ov him a liddl less fondlee. Teh past – yes – but nawt him nao. An that – that iz teh hardest part ov awl.
.
letz awl just get unner teh bed wif csmall an the dustbunnies an cuddle fur a wile.
*shows up wif hyooj armload uv shoulder-shayped pillols (fur crying awn n leening awn) n Cheezfrenz map blankkits fur teh hugs*
Will tehse fit unner teh bed fur comfees?
Sometimes peeps like that need a good “STFU!” But you’re right about wanting to communicate through attorneys and trying to keep it formally civil.
{{{{rhsb}}}}
yu cn still haz contak wif frenz wifout dragging them into teh pleh divorce. When I divorced, I wz a liddle afrayed ov losing “our” friendz, but they were all gud peeps hu did not tayk sidez. Wz okay.
ANd congrats fr hazzing the kurrage to cut off communikayshuns. Mebbe eben blokk him frum yr email.
{{{{{{rhsb}}}}}}}
Sowry for u hassing to go thru this.
U is taking teh high rode, and ifink when u luk back on this you’ll be glad u did.
Hubby being unessassarilee mean, ifinkso.
Wow, you’re being very mature, rhsb. Good for you.
BIIIIIIGGGGGG hugs and headbonks from the 4 kittehs and me.
{{{{{{{{{{{{rhsb}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{rhsb}}}}} Yur bein sew smartie an brave…..protekin yurslef frum teh panes ob teh communicashun.
Totally different circumstances, but wen mai dadcat waz bery, bery sick mai sistercat kept emailing mii frum 2000 miles away tellin mii what I should do, gibben mii all sorts ob advice an instructions and making a stressful situation worse. I was the onliest kitteh takin care ob boaf parents! Mii doctor told mii to jus stop readin her emails. It waz hard to jus ignore her, but taht is wot I did an it was sew mush bedder!
Here, yu can haz Teasel, teh floofy calico, to snorgle.
*Teasel files threw teh airs an lans by rhsb*
*Purrpurrpurr, goes Teasel*
{{{{{rhsb}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{rhsb}}}}}}}}}}
hang in dere!
Harumph. Easy to tell who the adult is in this exchange. *HUGS*
Sorry you’re going through a tough time. I’ve been through it, too, and it’s no fun at all.
Right in the middle of the worst phase (bursting into tears at work, etc.), I read a quote from Ella Fitzgerald (I’m paraphrasing here) to the effect that having your marriage break up was like having a bad wisdom tooth, and getting a divorce was like having a wisdom tooth extracted — but once it’s out, you’re done, and you can start healing. That helped me a lot. Hope it helps you a little.
PS. Five years later, the former Mr. Tessie and I are semi friends who have occasional contact (he and his spouse du jour live far away), phone each other for birthdays, etc. It’s possible.
see the comment below
o cors yu can has hugs {{{{{{{{rhsb}}}}}}}
but yu see mai brainz be like teh buttrskotch pudding caus of teh bebbeh. but ai stil hugs yu.
ornj floofie paw hug for yu
{{{{rhsb}}}}
let’s plai with the dust rhinos unnertehbed!
we can bring the insignificat kittn too!
{{{{{{rhsb}}}}}}
Wish I had something wise and helpful to say. But hugz empathies, ai having! Let me show tehm tu yu!
{{{rhsb}}}
Sawry 2 hear u r being trubbled again. Dear rhsb, u r a lubberly purrson and we lubz 2 have u here in cheezland. Ur ex hubbeh dunt noez ur wurth at awl, sad as it is. Let him go awn his way, and u go yours. Iz bedder dat way.
{{{{{{rhsb}}}}}}} Pleh Hubbehz can be so…well, pleh. But wii ur frenz here!
hims da dumb 2 treets u liek dat! {{{{{{ rhsb }}}}}} jes rememmer da cheezpeeps bees here fer u adn alwis bees hawpee 2 sees u adn reeds u. iffn he twies 2 hurt u, jes comes here adn furgit about him fur as lawng as u cin *notter hug*
done werry rhsb. evryfing will werk out ok. i will lend you my Mikey, she will lik yur fayce liek a mommy an maek it bettur.
{{{{{{{{rhsb}}}}}}}}
{{{{rhsb}}}}
here snorgle inji kitteh herz very floofy and friendly
this messij fur rhsb
Fanks, 2_k.
Injeh iz berry purty. Him haz gorjis eies. Berry colur ko-wor-dinayted.
yesh an hurz has purty eyez
herz is berry calm like Buddha kitteh
being wid herz ar like instant TheraP
hope U feelz bedder
{{{{{rhsb}}}}
Nawts tew wurree liddul kitteh. One day, all dis belong tew u!
future kitteh oberlord just beginnin himz trayning.
No nooo litel kitteh, u has verry signifacus! Hugs!!!1!!1!
(Splode)
ai seccund dat!
oh but u noe shud splort! oh mai… *gets da ccc*
hmmmkaaaaiii… hao u does dis? erm… ah… ai noes…
*gits da bwains 2geddur adn bak inna da hed*
*tape tape tape*
*puts a niec FCHRG awn da hed ob D.R. jes fer s’curiteh*
naaaaoooo… here… u snorgles inno dat niec fluffeh blanki wib da cheezmap awn eet adn dwinks dis niec cup ob hawt chocclit wib possum shapedid marshmelloes
u shud soon bee beddur iffn u jes relaksis nao
Danks u, I are repared!
phui… das good… ai had an afwaid.
insignificat kitteh
kyootness is not dependent on size kitteh
an U iz major league cutie
and hence berry significant and important
{{{{{rhsb}}}}}. email contakt best. dun mi twntyfiv years wif same hubbeh. we don talk now, jes email. dunt hert sew bad. got my kittehs sew stil got de luv.
BOO HISSSSS. I has a kinda sad. Ahem, teh City where I workz, done blocked ICHC from thier tubes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I noes can see kittehs, puppers, or any udder cheeze-filled LOL. You would tink takin awayz my bonus in November be nuff. sigh. Joo tink we spossed to work on work at work. sigh. Oh. I see commentz, herez. No see kittehs, tho. Dee udder pages say “BLOCKED”. I tink a soundz effect would complwete the packagz. Sometin liek, oh, maybe theme to Monty Python- cause “I fartz in the genral direction of new CITY MANAGER”.
OH NOEZ!!!
Invizabul haf teh kichen.
Awwwwww… dat loox liek my bebeh Domino whens I found her in teh parking deck where I worx… smooch smooch smooch!!!
NO! You are precious!
Ohai Valesa, hao R yoo adn ur sweet Remy?
uz absomalutleh riet valesa!
adn aid liek 2 heers about remy 2es, doing beddur?
Remy is Rem’bunctious! Lol! We’re both doing well! I have been very busy at work lately and also at home taking care of Rem’ister.
As for a Remy Update: He fell off the couch and got out of his crate! He’s a sweet monster!
Yay!! Fur sweet monstur Remy!!
deer kitteh yu iz teh center ob de unibers
unibears unibears unibears
unibears wii kitteh unibears
unibears unibears unibears
dis is teh not secund entierle korrekt map ob teh unibers
“B-7”
“You sunk my CATtleship”
Tek-Kitteh is on the Grid.
dat looks lik mai kitteh! OMG sumbody stoll mai kitteh!
OMG dat also looks lik mai house! SUMBUDY GOT IN MAI HOUSE!!!!!!
Teh kyutness ob teh kitteh iz liek grabity – miet abzorb all teh kichen!!!
teh not-so-very-Large Collider Kitteh
Awww….
*SPLORT*
Awww kittah – you has a singif… sigfin.. signicf… you has a important!
Awwz… No fair! Me WANTS to hug kitteh!
Yü ar not insigniffikkant, littel kittë!!!!!
Space Kitteh
haz entured teh
Totul Perspective Vortex
aww, sweet bebe kitteh, u r de moas importint inna de hoal howse!
*come running over, scoop up liddle kitteh. Then give hugs & treat kitteh to snak & playtime…YAY!*
Haow kan enniwan bii sew TYNII??? AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
hiir it comz
*SPLORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT*
OH!!! jmuhj — u ben laying heer fur owerz!! lukk — Awl ur braynezez haz dried owt!! *peelz sum dried braynez off moniter. * Hhhmmm. waddle wii du?? *peelz moar dried braynez off keyboard.*
I hopez dere beez a skrayper in dhe CCC.
*rummij, rummij*
Nope, no skrayperz.
*findz pokkit nife inna pokkit (ware else)*
*skraeypee skraepee.
*pilez up awl deh dried braynez adn puttingz dem inna bowl.
*pourz sparklee wadder on deh braynez tu rekonstitooting dem
*Pourz braynez bak in deh hed.
*pullz on 50z bavving cap adn sea kurez wiff dukkee taype.
Now I’ll just b getting u deh blankee and cocoa. Sry. No possumz fur u….Dr. Tinycat sez no solid fudz fur 2 daze.
*Tuk tuk deh blankee.
Ok . u resting now.
iz just tew kewt!!!
Ao shif—-
SPLORT
daw, the tomato broke.
Oh noez!! deh late nite splort!!!
*runz arownd waveing deh armz like krazy*
.
Oh, datz no gud. Gotta finding deh CCC….. Dere it iz.
*skweekee, skweeekee
*rummij, rummij.
Ok. Heer wii go. swep up awl deh braynez in2 a nise liddlol pile. Now I skooping dem up and pouring dem bak intu dhe brainial cabity. Pull on dhe CHRG — dis wun haz pitcherz uv a elolafent! Adn tuk u up in a matching elolafent blankee. Now I gitting u a cuppa hot cocoa wif deh wippee kreme adn a cuplol uv chokklit possumz. U resting and b gud as gnu bai morning!!
Insignificant is such a big wurd 4 such a tiny ickle kitteh. U will go far (to the udder side ob da kitchen)
U aer veree signifuhcant! u warmd mah heart!
That cat is so small! And so cute! When you look at the picture he or she, (sorry, I don’t know, lol), looks like it’s confused like it’s in an optical ollusion! So cute, so “adorable”.
Don’t worry lil’ dude! Itz u n me agianst thiz big ol’ world! And wez getz our buttz kiked anywayez, but whoz carez?
OOOOOW Dis is shoorly one of daz nanowmashinz hoomans talk about!