Dis mah hooman imitashun
Dis mah hooman imitashun Dee dee dee…beer!
kittehz liek to do impreshuns of der hoominz.
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: thelionwaits
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Cheezburger Network Blog
I CAN HAS UR TENSIONS, PLZ?
On behalf of my phlonquais G.P. and my own self, u guise is all invitified to teh Most Fantabulous Fashun Event of teh Year (As Far As U Know).
Come see YNGs model the noo FCHRG(wdoi), Hunnert Dollar Towels, and teh Cheezmap Blanket, all at teh JCH4K Amphitheatre and Loller Rink!
There will be shampers, stinky cheez, stinky sellebrities, paparazzis, hangers-on, wax-on, wax-off, red carpets and a hole bunch of surprizes!
“When, LCB? When is all this fabulosity taking place?” u axe.
It’s on teh 2nd pic of teh day, Catwalkurday, Octobrr 11. It’s early in teh for us US peeps but we can mabye stays up all nite teh nite befoar. It also gibs us time to do our errants and stuff. I eggspect that teh festivities will goes on for a while.
Thats:
4am Cheeztime
7am Pacific
8am Mountain
9am Central
10am Eastern
3pm in TTI
4pm in teh rest of Yerp
We’ll prolly start wif teh red carpet arrivals, so u can come and tell us what, or who, or when u are waring. Then we’ll move on to teh drinking, eating, catwalks, catfights, drinking, eating, and some et cetera. Join us when u can and don’t forget to look fabulous!
This kitteh be demonstrating good model-walk.
will dis kitteh bees in ur show?
ai will twie 2 bee der!
congrats awn jer tawp spawt LCB
So… How did the paperwork
conflagrationre-filing go?oh eet went jes gweat… awlmos liek a ballroom blitz… ownleh… steedier adn… moar beautimus adn… u noe… da yngs reeleh can… DANCE… adn wib DANCE ai meen… WOWSERS!
oh… b-4 ai furgets eet… here’s jer zippo… eet didid a honorful wurk… erm… ai meen… eet startet da wurk ap’kalyps.
Glad to be of assistance. Next time you should pour some Debriefing Fluid on your paperwork first. It
makes stuff burn twice as fasthelps speed up the re-filing process…reeleh? fan-q fur da hint… myt u – by chanc – noe were ai cud git some?
From Maus’ Debriefing Cart. But I’d be careful. You might get Debriefed…
but… but… but… iffn ai gits debriefded… ai will nawt rememmer whut ai wanted…
Well… Debriefings around here are a little different. You actually get de-briefed.
oh… … … OH! … OMCC!
da poor whirld!
Did ah jst tink waht U meenz bai “debreefed”?
At leest YOO dont hav to werree about it!! Leest, nawt when yoo ar waring yur kilt!!
Au contraire, mi amiga! We has speshul equipments on teh Debriefing Cart for just such circumstances.
STN
Can I volunteer to assist???
plzthxcanicanicanicanicanicani?
Ummm???? Doo yoo hav to Brief tehm furst???
Look, if I give u all teh secrets of teh trade, I’ll only have to …
DEBRIEF U!
TOI!
(btw, ur towels is in teh mail)
If it meens I get to get sum hands on xperiense… do ur wurst!!
U really needs to does a ride-along wif Maus. His techneek is something other than else.
Kin ai c teh debreefin? Ai redee (but aftir dis cawmint, ai haz 2 goe 4 gittin redee 4 mai class 2dai). Haoebbur, iffn ai b debreefd, iz uh sad dai 4 teh hoal uv teh cheezland. Iz nawt purty sait.
oh, Ai shur cood yuse sum uv DAT stuf arouwn heer….
der’s LAWTS uv stuf in a lolyer’s oriface dat needs….
DEBREEFINK!!
(an Ai has mai berry own Zippo, tu…!)
… a lolyer’s … oriface ???!!!!????
Lawyer joke’s incoming in 3… 2… 1…
Ai fink teh lolyers mus bee gud at teh de-breefin. Izn dat were teh expreshun “… she sued the pants off him…” camez frum?
mai, err, oar fashun show!
.
Lettuce show yu it!
.
* WEEEEEK weeeek weeeek *
ai hoep 2 sees ur styleh wyleh FCHRG dere awlso!
Ah, mais oui! Err… sry, donut no ware dat caym frum!
.
Yesh, ai has juss taken delibbery ob elebenty hunnert “Guinness Piggeh (c) FCHRG(wdoi) adn Acksheshoory Pack” awl reddy fur teh show!
.
Yu has yur costume, yesh?
yesh… but aiz afwaid ai will git debriefded… iffn ai gits debriefded da costume will ownleh be… well… half… but ai cin go as beeg manatee den
soooo ai will go hied unner mai blankit adn dreem ob da gweat nu fings we will sees.
nyteh niet cheezwhirld… enjoy ur last hours ob nawt seen me debriefded ^^
nite nite {{{siobhan}}}
Mai kompleet lak ob fashun sens; let mii sho it 2 U.
DINGDINGDINGDING!!!!!11!!!1elebenty
.
Wii has a winnur! – LCB, wii has a nu modell hu needs teh twaining. Ware yu want dem?
Put him in teh twaining room, of coarse. Then go to teh closet, get one of teh training prods and teech him whut he needs to know.
* takes paws4thot inna twaining room adn strappety strappety him inna chair
.
nao, yu juss sit dere adn plz tri tu relax… PLZ!
.
* eyes selekshun ob twaining prods…
.
hmm, yesh – teh elebenty volt won will du juss fyne.
.
Otay paws4thot, stai reeel still whyle ai apply tihs prod tu yur… OH NOES! LCB!!! it happended agen!
.
* scampers off tu getta creem…
Ah nawt egzpekt teh Spanish inkiwzishun!
no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Paws4Thot, it’s Stupid o’clok an yu is STILL at werk?! Yikes!
Yes. Ah wuz heer til 23:15 local awr so last nite, an 22:00 teh nite B4!! TTF dahtz obut wit fur naw!!
Know wunder wii nebber Cs U NEmore! Bin missin U adn ur funninesses.
Ai has speshul skillz, do u needz dem? Teh link 2 meh bodyguard profile iz in meh ICHC profile.
Well, we was gonna has Heck’s Angels do security, but mabye we could use u as well. U can guard teh sushi bar.
U can haz insuffishunt lite?
ooh, i will try to be tehr! dis weekend iz teh lunarhubby’s wurk’s big weekend meeting for all teh lolyers, so we haz to go cawz him iz wun ob teh boss-lolyers, so i haz to go away from my pyooter.
but we will take hubby’s laptop an teh hotel room kan haz interwebz akksess. so i hope i kan be tehr!! i will model teh lovly hunnert-dollar twole i botted frum LCB’s store!
Ah can b onna TV?
kitteh audishunin fer Amerikaz Nex Tawp Model sho!
Brains! Brains!
OMG! I see what you’re doing! Put some pants on!
Oh, it’s OK, it’s two-kittehs. She was debriefed earlier…
She rly seems to be shook up by it, too. We don’t want that sort of reaction to start happening wif other debriefees.
How will we prevent this in fyoochur? We needs informations. I knoes! Let’s debrief two_kittehs!
*Brings in the Special Extra-Gentle Non-Invasive Floofy Miniature Debriefing Basket*
Maybe this will help too…
*Takes out the Debriefing Survey*
So, in your opinion, what did you like about your debriefing? The…
Attention…
Beautiful Lights…
Canola Oil…
D…
DerangedDelightful attitude of ur Personal Debriefing FacilitatorEasy access from teh freeway
Felt tips on teh uvula clips
G…
Gravy…
High-backed Debriefing
RackChaise…Interesting Magazines in the Waiting Area…
J…
Jumper cables pre-warmed by technician
Knickers remained untwisted
Left-handed harness made available upon request
M…
Me (of course)…
New upholstery on the
UnComfy Chair…Octopus…
P…
Punch and cookies in canteen afterwards
Questions answered
discourteouslyRibald comments kept to a minimum (as far as u know)
S…
Silences, Cone of…
The Lard…
Underwear, Removal of…
V…
Veterans’ discount
Waiting area well stocked with drinking trough and fresh slop
Xenophobic technician refrained from disdaining French-cut briefs
Y…
YuckyYummy Pistachio Pudding…Zippos (for display porpoises only)
Hay! Wehn ai wuz debriefted the uvula clipps were NAWT felt cubbered! Wut gibs???
Hao mush iz da vetrinz discownt? I cood yooz a debreefin….
O, u must’ve been debriefed teh week we were trying out teh sandpaper-tipped uvula clips.
Maus, did we rember to charge DK extry for that?
OMG!!11!elebenty!!1
MAUS!
We has a… VOLUNTEER DEBRIEFEE!
*faints*
*comes to*
Huh? Whut? Oh.
Well, onceajinx, it looks like Maus is on his extended brake. Teh discount is elebenty persents. Would u like to make a pointment for tomorrow?
Ai’ll drink 2 dat!
If onlee I had pantz I cud stik one hand in.. den it be purrfeck
Wouldn’t u be needing a hand too, kitteh? Or does u has one stashed away somehweres?
Hoo sed it was going to be my appendaj?
MuaWahahahahaha
Do you need any volunteers…
mm.. shud u be bloo?
oh, speeking uv….mayhem..
I was thinking, Halloweens almost heer! (YAY i iz a big kid at hart)
And maybe we cud has a costoom contest!
But with real pictures on our profiles!
Did she ever splain who de pants were for?
mai hart pants fur yoo.
real pickshures?
*whispers*
ackshully judson, i was going for an Al Bundy ref
Otay! das mush bedder, I hadda vision I picked from watchin last week’s “Sons of Anarchy”
*wispurrrs*
Halloween iz mah birfday.
Kitteh is evolving: next step world dominashunz
But 4 kitteh 2 b-kumz moar hyoomin-liek wood b DEEvolvin, I finksew…
wii r nawt kittehs, wii r Devo!
Did I hear someone say whippit?
whippit gud!
whippit REEL gud!
Hmmm. Looks like it’s done…
*Scoops up some whipped cream*
*Throws it at Leeza*
*SPLAAAAT!!*
Sorry. Couldn’t resist…
*Disappears into The Maus Hole*
I gits it, dessert topping for cats, also knowed as Pussy Whip.
:snerk:
It’s a dessert topping AND a floor wax…
Ai gotz tew sai “fank u awl” 4 makin a PITA afternoon more enjoiabl!!!11!
I only know uv kewl whip, or skwirll whip.
Wate til tomorrows, EM…..
Ai’ll be cheering yoo awn, yr Whipstress!!!
“Lookit dat shyn!!!”
“And it taystez jess liek hoam-mayd!!!”
If de eyes were bigger he’d be a martian
Hay! Wut dis abbertizements doin on mah hooman show?
numanuma danz, aifinkso!
Kitteh haz bin wautchyng tuu menney ree-runns ov “Aminol Howse” awn layte-nite Tee-Vee;
Oanley hims foargottid tuu ware hims toga; (hims hadded tuu menney beers adn misplaised iyt; buut hims wil be up foar teh fuud-fite!!!!)
luks more like UFO spays alien from Close Encounters
WUT? UFO spays aleeyun? wooden yu fink he shood be nootered insted?
Ai see what you did thar!
Ur doing it too kyoot…
SSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT
ai agree SSSSPPPPPPLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRT!!! OWEE!
O NOES! We has two splorts!
HALP!!! HALP!!!11111
Halps?
Ohhhhhh noeeeeeeeees, West River Rat and Plasticat you been heer all nite lawn wib yur braynes all splorted..
Aie duze mai best
*Looks alla rawn at the dried brain cells*
*Getz awt the Brayn sell Rihidrayshun sqwirty boddle, fills to der top wib sparkly bubblol wadder from der Pwincess Mu meadow*
*Sets to gentul mist. Spry spry spry*
*Wonderous smellz of lazy summer daiz filled wid sunshine and lub fills der air. Brayn sill perk up an form in to two neayt piles cleerly labled*
Okais yew tew, openz wide.
*scoopity up braynez, tuck, tuckity tuck ebry last bryne sill*
*Strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrech onna bran new CHRG (wdoi)*
*Riiiiiiiiiiip extra strnf ducky tape roun an roun an roun*
*tuckity up inna an xtra fllofy cheezemap blankiy so u surronded bai all cheezey love*
Noa here be two steemy mugs ob hawt choklite wib mrach mallow n choklite sprinkles for wen u can sts up
n some nommy choklit possums wib caramel to gibs u xtra stenff.
*tip toe awai*
Wow, dats a purty gud immytashun kitteh, naow kwit it cuz ur creepin meh owt! startin 2 luk a lil 2 mush lyke de las gui ai dated
cept fer he’d bee sayin “burp burp burp….beer!”
Purty gud impreshun, akshuly! needs backwards baseball cap, tho.
Ohai!! I can haz Lolbook frum Amazin!!! Iz full uv win an awsum!!! I jus gawt it in da mayl nao!!
Mines came last nite! I think teh snailmailman tried to steel it, because teh bottom of teh carton was open. He was thwarted by teh cardboard shield teh book was strapped to, tho.
Did anybuddy here has their lol used inda book? We can has ur autograph? Rite here on teh bottom of this blank check?
Mai kawpee is stil in teh post, awl teh wai frawn TTI to Scotland!
An yes ah is still a twerk!!
Ah iz doon systums support. Teh lots ob munnee huntin bit iz grate; teh elebenty our dai nawt so grate reeli.
Ai did a furteen howr dai todai – but Ai juss plai owy awn mai byk fur a livin so its nawt lyk a reel job!
Teh walrus saga continues. First they steeled his bukket, now this:
http://www.wtop.com/?nid=600&sid=1493134
(Va. man fined for smuggling walrus’ penile bone)
en France, c’est une délicatesse
owch!
I fink he shud go to teh peniltentury for dat.
Hay, I has a idea.
Do u think the lolrus wud loan us his bukkit? I fink we cud use it for teh bailout!
Yash, he defnitlee beelongs in teh penal systim.
Wuts de offical werd for teh prison system fer wimmens? Are dey also in the penal system?
Fer dat matter where duz wimmens study fer the ministry, do dey go to a seminary?
so much to learn and so liddle time. Who knew dat Walruses had a bone der? I guess it makes sents, dey spends a lotta time in sum rilly cold water, any udder arrangement and the pshrinkage wood be unbarable.
Only a 5000 moneys fine?! mebbe dey shud remove his “penile bone” an c hao hee laikes it?
Ohai Africat, I lefted you a commint on the dibs picture but I has copied here so yo doesn’t hasta go look. It regards the making of Cornish Pasties:
I found the recipe but nawt the video. Have this:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/pocket-pies-recipe/index.html
Fanks judson, berry kind ov yu!!!
Ai think lolrus wud prefer to hand over bukkit, ifinkso.
tanks fur teh link, lcb. moast informativ- i always heard that bone-er was a Uphamism…
Seems lyke teh time to mayke shure ebberwun noes about this fine edumakayshunal institushun in Icyland. (Parents: this is rated PG 13. Okay for GP, howsumever)
http://www.phallus.is/
I have an OO and an EW at teh same time!!
I haz sum frenz who wented thair on a trip to Iceland. Teh menz wuld not tuch teh carbed wooden door handles, but mayded the wimmen open teh doors.
LOlz!
Well I gotta go.. gotta go play wif kittens.
*air kiss*
Schmoos!!!
mai shocked fais – let me show yu it!!!
At leest teh mewsik is von Wolfgang Müller
Tehre be mooseeums tu ebryfing tehse dayz!
They sed tehy ar U Neek in teh hole whillred.
.
.
.
(tehy haz BONEZ?!?!?)
*psst* *wispurs*
Most mammals du. Iz cawled “baculum”, can haz surch fur awn wikpedya.
Yesh! Ai haz teh ICHC book nda haz red teh hole fing! iz gud, berry gud.
It was nicely illustrated. Plot was a little thin, tho. Whut did u think of teh sprize ending? Did u expect teh SPOILER to reveal that teh secret SPOILER was SPOILERSPOILER? They neatly deflected ur suspicion in teh beginning, when SPOILER was sent to SPOILER but they never showed teh actual SPOILERSPOILER.
I wonder who will play HappyCat in teh movie?
MOVIE?
Of coarse teh book will be on teh NYTimes BestSplorter list for monthsandmonths so it is a given that it will be made into a movie.
I see John Goodman as teh lolrus.
*laffs so hard falls out of chaer* Ai, heh, Ai *braeks out in uncontrollabel lafftur as climbs bakk into chair-den laffing stops.* wayte a movee?! Dats it!! Wii will shuts our oan movee on ICHC!! Umm ai will ob corse, taek teh place ob ob teh Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Commiteh’s newist member a young Boicat hoo gits turned to teh Dark Siid ob teh Fort by Darff Basement Cat! Ai kin see it noa……. Wayte wii needs suplies liek-fur eksample Uhh… Suplies!!
Diz kitteh imitashun is uff teenacher….see deh adolesend sholders?
that is scary…
it’s so real…
O.o
Of course it’s real. I’ve seen my youngest cat in pretty much the same position, although generally not for long enough for me to run for the camera.
Ai haz a sumtiems bai-pedal kitteh n a kitteh wif fumbs. Evlushun, let me show yu it.
meez gots sad news, meez will nawt be cummin heer vewy much nemore…
i gotz tu involved wif talkin tu yu guiz an meez got in trubble wif teh Ebil administrator uv teh skool… so they tuk away ma laptop 
i will still mak cummints about once a day tho, but i will deerly miss yu guyz
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Cheezfrendz))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
oh noes… sorry to here that sairys… come by when u can!
but skool is important, too.
{{{{{{{sairys}}}}}}
{{{{{sairys}}}} Ai am sorree to here that too! But – az leeza-b says, skool iz reelee improtant!
But we will miss yoo fur shur.
.
But – if yoo can com wunc a day, that iz gud too – an when yoo ar awn vacayshun, yoo can bee heer moar offen, purrrrrrrhaps!
Oh – it’s I, JCH4K! Just traing a fyoo things.
oh noez, that’s too bad. but yoo must not be in trubble at skool, must do yor bestest tehr. we will still luk for yoo ebree day an hope yoo are doing gud!!
{{{{{sairys}}}}}
Hay, u can go to the liberry, can’t u?
Dis ebil administrator souns lyke he needs to be taught some manners. Yo gib us his name and Miel and Rosco and Grundoon and Budderscotch and Shokolade and Ratone will pay hims a visit and splain to him how to be more polite to our Sairys.
{{{sairys}}}
Sowry 2 hear dat. Ai hopez u be out of trubbel soon and gets ur laptop back. Be careful, hm? We lubz to have u here, but we don’t wants u 2 be in trubbel.
awww{{{{sairys}}}} sorree 2 heer dat! wii wil miss u 2!
Aie wish aie luked dat cyoot wen aie bin on der beer
shooz, shooz, shooz… ghey!
Ai think dat kitteh is drunkeh as a skunkeh!!!1!