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Too often, kitteh. Then again, not often enuff.
I’m holding u personnallie responsibul for teh cupcaek I just spitted all ober my monitur.
I’ll send my flunky rite over to clean it up 4 u.
Desole, votre Phlonquais izza arranging mai “Sac d’argent” collection pour le défilé de mode
.
il peut jouer de nouveau demain; merci et au revoir formageamis!
GP! Whare u is? Come here and show this faux-mustachioed stranger out, will u?
LOlpigburglar iz GP in de skiez???? Hao verree cyoote iz than!! LOL!!
“fromage amis” WIN!
fromage a trois, aifinkso!!
LCB
anna fyremanz
annanuvver fyremanz?
* scampers in…
.
* eyes handsome, yet French stranger
.
* grabs lolpigburglar by teh floof adn drags him off
He mite need to bring a 100p towel along 2.
I laffed pretty hard.
Iz dere moar cupcaekz? Uv teh un-spitted variehtee?
oh shure!
u want choklit or lemming?
lemming, pweez
*gives leosmom a lemming cupcaek*
anywon else?
I thot da lemming cupkaykz awl runned awf da edge uv da taybull…
wot??
*looks arownd*
hay… u lemmings GET BACK HEER!
*runs after cupcaeks*
*oblivimous to teh edge of teh table coming up fast*
Leezab and Aahz
wit. u haz it!
an i appra…appri..njois it muchly.
Choklit, plz.
*luks hoapful*
U’ll hab 2 wate 4 leeza-b, she be bizzy running after lemming cupkaykz.
Hey Babeh — chek owt mah floof!
Hey baby! Buy you a drink?
Him: Did it hurt?
Her: Hurt?
Him: When you fell from heaven. ‘Cause you must be an angel…
*gag*
yah… wus niec furst tiem ai heerded eet… but dat wus… hmm… plenteh yeers ‘go…
but hey… still beddur dan “hey bebeh… u gots fyr?”
wich maus nebber wud hab 2 aks.
Him: Are you a parking ticket?
Her: What?
Him: You got fine written all over you.
*ponders* is awl dis b-cuz u habs a lyter (y liek in fyr) oar is eet b-cuz u still is xperimentin… oar du u lubs 2 breaks harts… oar… is eet jes so we noe u cud if u wud… hmm… oar wus dat u wud if u cud?
n-e-ways… u gits beddur wib ebbery twy
Him: Do you have a map?
Her: Why?
Him: Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!
maus U seemz to has a neber ending supply of dese!
If beauty were time, you’d be an eternity…
I have to go, my friends. One last strangely appropriate one:
I hope there’s a fireman around, cause you’re smokin’!
Him: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Her: Unfertilized!!!
Him: Your place or mine?
her: Both – you go to your place and I’ll go to mine.
Him: Wanna go back to my place?
Her: I dunno – I’ve never been under a rock before…
Him: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Her: “Do Not Enter”
Him: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Her: Yes, and that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Him: So, what do you do for a living?
Her: I’m a female impersonator.
Yoo an Maus seem to haz compleetlee diffrenent stylez!
I nawt b triein 2 pik up gerlz — I b triein 2 hep alla U nys gerlz 2 can haz kumbax 4 pikup arteests liek Maus…
Her: Do you believe in the hereafter?
Him: Yes, why?
Her: `cos if you’re after what I think you are, you’ll be here after I’ve gone.
Him: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Her: Yes, but would you stay there?
Him: Your body is like a temple.
Her: Sorry, there are no services today.
Him: If I could see you naked, I would die happy.
Her: If I saw you naked, I would die laughing.
ai cantz beeleev no wun haz dun tihs wun yet —
.
“Hey, Maus, izzat a lyter in yur pokkit, oar r u just glad 2 see me?”
*gigglol* uz ryt… a wunner no1 hadid dis b4
Oh, um datz a cell fone but I iz glad to see ya.
if u were President, u’d be Baberaham Lincoln
Didyew cleen yer pantz wif Windex? Cuz ai kin see mahself in dem.
Pardun meh. Iz yew in heet?
An fur teh compyootur geeks (ment in a niec way, uv coarse):
Yew maekz mah sawftware turn to hardware!
Him: Duz yew liek to dans?
Her: Yes!
Him: Well den – kud yew go dans so ai kin talk to yer frend?
didnt bill and/or ted say taht?
(bill an ted, wun ob my favrite moovies!)
“Baberaham Lincoln” is from Wayne’s World
really? herz sayz whyle fluttering herz eyelashes
Aw, whut a kyoot orinj behbeh! Lukkit teh floof on teh arms. Teh sweet liddel fayce. Teh floof on teh eerz. Teh whiskurs! *holds on tite to eggstra-strength CHRG*
mebbe he not find wun dat wurks yet?
*throws drink in Maus’ face*
Oops. Sry. Habit. Hope that paper umbrella didn’t scratch u too mush.
I was blinded by your beauty, so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons…
Wow! Maus, yor reelly gud at this! *sniffs, sniffs agin*
An yoo STILL smellz lyke nip frum teh last pikshor!
Him: Do you have any raisins?
Her: No.
Him: OK. How about a date?
moar, moar! you seem to b yan ex spurt!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together…
*snerk*
Mah huzbin haz an affinnitee fur teh hawrible pickup lienz. Ai jus sended him an emayo tellin him he needz to be lukkin heer. Yew haz a talent, Maus.
*triez to will hur huzbin into postin*
*fink fink fink fink*
Him: Those must be space-pants.
Her: Excuse me?
Him: ‘Cause your a$$ is out of this world
>.> <.<
Him: Pardon me, do you have any Italian in you…?
Her: No, no I don’t.
Him: Would you like some?
o.o -.- O.O
Him: That’s a very pretty dress you’re wearing. It would look great on my floor in the morning.
O.o Too risque’?
Last one:
Him: Nice shoes…
*stops before saying too much – dun wan kittehs 2 run awai screemin’*
Ohai, Scorn! Those were reelee funnee! An ai akshullee hurd sumwun uzing sum ov Maus’s!
.
But – ar yoo nebber going to finish “Nice shoes. . .” ??? Ai havn’t hurd it.
Can it reelee bee taht bad??? LOL!!
Datz mah huzbin — Scorn!!!
…
An yes — dat last wun…. it wuz yooze on a fren uv mien on Spring Break wun yeer….
[/lolspeak]
A guy walked up to her, looked at her shoes, “Nice shoes.” Looked up at her eyes… “wanna ____?” (teh “f” werd — nawt “furst”).
[lolspeak]
Diddint werk, but it got hur laffin rillee hard.
Dere wuz dis wun gy n mai doarm n kawlij (wich wuz tween 2 gerlz doarmz) hoo wood sit inn chayr neer da sydwawk runnin tween da gerlz doarmz. Winebber uh kyoot gerl wood wawk bai, him wood askez, “Do U liek applez?” If da anser wuz “Yeh,” him wood sai, “Grate! Wanna ____?” If da anser wuz “No,” him wood sai, “2 bad. Wanna ____?” Wat wuz spryzin wuz haow offin dat akshullee werkted!!!
der’s dis joek… about a mercy dispense driber adn a manta driber (fur da nawt gurman or austrian or oferwise noeing… manta is lookdid at as a car ob nawt reeleh smart wannabe machos).
1 dai da manta driber needid a ried becuz hims car (da manta) wus borked. a mercy dispense driber tookded ihm wib him adn wyl he seeted der in da passengur seet, da manta driber seedid a wyt circlol in frond ob him. him askded da mercy dispens driber whut eet wus for… adn fownd out, dat awl da laydees da mercy dispens driber tookded wib ihm, asked de saem adn so u starts 2 talk adn laitur habs da seks.
da manta driber fot dis wus a gweat ideer adn wen hims manta fin’leh wus unborkded him painted a wyt circlol in frunt ob da passengur seet. a dai latur he tookded a wunnermous blonde girl wib him. adn da girl aksded “wut is dis wyt circlol fur?”
yah well… guess whut da manta driber repliedid… … … … (dotselebenty) … yesh egg-sackly whut da abuv did.
Dere iz a LAWT uv funnee lienz at dis site:
http://www.pick-up-lines.info sorted by category eben.
Two frenz, Lem and Clem goes to de beech togevver every weekend and and Clem always meets a girl and Lem never duz. So lem finally sez to Clem, “Why you alweys meets a gurl and I nebber do? Were same age, bofe actractib an available but I alweys fail, why?” and Clem sez “Lem, next week try dis, put a potater in yer swim suit afore you get there, dat’ll make an impression.” So the following week Lem does the fing wiff the tater and still gitz no attention so he sez “Clem, wutz wrong I did like you sed and Nuffin” Clem sez, “Lem, next week try puttin it down the front.”
Um, just who eggsactly is ur hubsand attempting to pick up?
Yoozhullee meh, azfaraz ai noez. Teh lienz eeben werks on meh sumtimez.
Himz *mite* post after lunch. *crosses fingurs*
Hao will we rekignize heem?
Will he post as Mr. Nightshayde?
Poynt heem owt if he wawks in, plz!
LOL – ai shud sugjest dat to him… but he haz himz own ICHC account so prollee unner dat naem. Rich018 or sumfin liek dat, aifinkso.
‘Twas Scorn. ↑ Luk abuv ↑
wren I read nightshaydes’s answa to LCB
it looked like “yoozhullee men 8o
Nawt dat derez ennyfing rong wif dat … az lawng as it izzint mah huzbin.
Ummm, LCB, sorry i missded yer party, but I hope yew haded a happitail birfday!!!!11!! I gotted yew a present, but iz over at yahoo cheezfrenz in teh photo ablum “Birfday present for LCB” I hope dat yew likes it!
Oooh! Thx! I goes and looks soon, I promise!
lol! I liek dates! Wii split dem and put Tom and Jerry batter in them for treets.
Iffn Ai sed u haz a lubblee boddee, wud u howld it aganest me?
Her: Got any cliches?
Him: Yes
Her gets chainsaw and removes threat to society
Isnt’ there wun about starz and aeiez??? Ai remember it a little bit, but nawt enuf to akshullee say it.
Tawp 10 Bad Pickup Lines
(from AskMen.com)
10. Niec legz. Wut time duz dey opun?
9. U mus be tierd cuz uz bin runnin froo mah hed awl nite.
8. Gess wut? Itz yer luckee day! Owtuv awl teh gurlz heer, ai pikked yew to talk to.
7. Dat shurt iz bery becoming on yew. Uv coars, if ai wer on yew, ai’d be_____ tew.
6. Can ai bai yew a drink, oar duz yew jus want teh munniez?
5. Can ai haz yer fone numbur? Ai seemz to haz lost mien.
4. Duz yew beleev in luv at nawt-sekkund site, oar shud ai walk by agin?
3. Him: Excuse meh – aifink yew owez meh a drink
…..Her: Wut? Why?
…..Him: ‘Cuz wen ai saw yew frum across teh room, ai dropped mien. It wuz a Rum & Coke, an mah name is (boyz naem heer).
2. Iz yer last naem Gillette? Cuz yer teh best a man kin get.
1. Come heer often?
Mai fayborit: Git yur coat Luv; yu’ll pulled!
ai fink askmen wus reeleh niec 2 da men… becuz – as we awlreddy seedid heer… der ar wurs 1s
but we lubs dem men… doan we? spechule dem fyrmens ob cors… but… dems nawt good 4 ebbery dai use… 2 often calded awai…
Ai liek ur fur
an I wud love to lik it
an hork it up onna floor inna mornin
In yer shoo.
Wut’s yer sine?
Opposyte ober hypotenews, saym az eberywun else.
But dont cosine alone fur teh kitteh.
Mathematicians cheer: Sine, cosine, cosine, sine! 3.14159!
mmmm I smelz pie nom nom nom
That would be a vry bad pickup line.
Ugh. Ai nao haz a “Cherry Pie” eerwurm.
now don be going off on a tangent
Sawwy, ai wuz being obtuse.
I thot it wuz acyoot!
durnit!
Must remember to refresh!
Awld lang…
Ai iz a kyoot. Fanks fur askin!
An I is a tan gent. Yer welcum!
Hay baybee, bring dat floof ober heer!
Caeful kitteh – u will get a drivurz tan.
i just lurves a man wiff poision floof!
Oh ….. an *splort*
…
*thud*
ai reskwed u a lil furder down de thred nightshayde, u’ll bee otay!
Oh Noes NS! Carefullee reviews dyrexions on QweenMJ’s site.
Sweeepy da brains
Rins, rins wif sparklee waters
Putz back in branium cabbity
taypee, taypee wif duk tape (red scotch plahd fer fashionablolness)
Here be da chokklit possums and Cworld blankee
Whew. Hop u feelz bettr!
joey kitteh sez, how U doin??
Hee hee!
O kitteh, pik up lynez r sew ‘sill’-ee
butt u such a sweet floofy cutie-patootie ai furgibes u!
sash hoo?
dey r a pane, ifinkso
Dis kitteh is dubbul hung.
Den he shud fenetre mendous numbur of gurlkittehs that will go owts wif him…
lol! Bravo!
… but is dubble-hung wiv mini-blinz?
omg dis kitteh is full of win and cute
mah poor hed has exploded from hiz cuteniss
:blargh I ar ded
yah, i aer ded frum da kyute!!!
BLARGH…
….klonk.
*brieefly rises frum da ded to say, OT, i aer dewin a happytale Dansdansdans, becuz i just founded out dat the lab results i gotted las weak were
TOTALLEEEEE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i aer not fallink apart from liver malfunktion, high blood shugar nor high bad kolesterol !!!!!!!!!!!1
happytaildansdansdans dans
.
*resumes blargh/ded pozishun*.
Oh noes! Nao dat u is totally ok, we can’t hab u bein ded!
Clicky, clicky fru da manuel…
Sweeepy da brains
Rins, rins wif sparklee waters
Putz back in branium cabbity
taypee, taypee wif duk tape (red scotch plahd fer fashionablolness)
Here be da chokklit possums and Cworld blankee
Please to b employin da HGGs. Dis kitteh be dayngerus!
BTW I has a happitail fer yew! Glad u is good CLG!
fanx! i still has the skerry hi blud presshure, but the kittehs on da site be halpink dat.
glad u is..er.. mostlee helfy??
for that blud presshure, my rx is 2 away from teh trolls.. I saw lolllllololol was offendin u erlier. *sigh* I had hoped he wudn’t find his way back after I losted him in teh race last week. But I’m beginnin to think he’s seriouslee distrurbed, and there’s no poynt in trying to reeson wif dat.
{{{{CLG}}}}}
yah, yr rite. i wunder if hims/hers is dwinkin oar sumfin. i shud haz da compasshuns.
ps i finkso da Big Head Cheezez removified “It’s” comets, cuz i canna findit. schomoo to da Big Cheeze Wizes!
Yesh!!
Dey wroted me in response to my complaint dat they removed the lates malignancy and removed other similarly comments.
I lubz da Cheez Whizes.
ps wot happend on race day?
okays, u be CLG (Compasshun Livah Grrrl)
ur hart is boviouslee bigger dan mine.
I wuz planning to aim for auntie arcticah on teh next race.
Hay! Whut u gots against teh pore penguins?
Ur rite. We need to fink of somewhere, um, safel.
Hmmm
Atomic waste storage
Beyond teh horizon
Cliffs uv Insanitee
D…..
Dungeon of Dog-Doo
Evicted from teh solar system
Frowed waaaaaaaaaaay far away.
G…
Gallop-a-ghost Eye-land
Haus uv da Ryzin Sun
Indeeyun-apple-is Speadwai (lukowt 4 da carz)
J…
Javelin Catcher at next Lolympics
Knuckle Sandwich Taster
Lost in Transit
M…
Minesweeper
Norf Poal wifout uh cote oar hawt chokklit
Oweshun uv Debt
P…
Poison Pen Pond
Q’s control
Riding wiff the 4 hoarsemen
Snake pit
T…
Plehgatory
Quasi-buried in own bitterness
Resting uncomfortably in orbit
S…
Mars, but not Venus
Nootering disposal site
Over teh river and thru teh woods
Styx, across teh river of
Time warp to 1690′s yoorup
Under teh flea on teh tick on teh rat
Very deep in the Marianas Trench
Whining inna windtunnel
Xcavating asteroids
Concatshoelaces, CLG!!!
*duz happitayl dansdansdans on yer behaff*
grabs paws to dansdansdans…
mai join grabs Mary O aka CLG aka sweepea’s paw to danse
CLG b Mary-O??? Wer ai been?? {{CLG}} An ai aslo dansdansdans 4 TK and haz a happee. {{TK}} Tihs due b a gud plas to reduz teh blud presshure – jus stai awai from taht linkee atteh tawp taht saiz LOL News & Politics!! Aifinkso!!
Ai sew cunfuzed!! Butt ai hugz ebereebudy aneewai {{Cheezpeeps}}
I will staiz awai from polytiks on dis lol but I has a worried fur dis
country and deh world
an dat sum tymes spill ovah to ICHC
sowee I not wanna spoil anyone’s funz
kthx
now back to deh regoolarly skayduled laffs and lols
O mary O is good to kno that U is Ok!
pulls two_ kittehs into da dansdansdansdans…
gets dizzy…
klonk!
Good to knoes that u was teh healthy when u went ded, MaryO!
Hooray fur teh mostly helfy MaryO! An yay fur PhatCat hoo sayved her! *klap klap, dantz pranz pranz*
An ai too am Happee fur the mostlee helfee Mary O! An hooray fur Paht Cat too!!
*caper pranz pranz*
*pranz pranz caper*
*dansitee dansitee tippetee tap tappety tip* JAZZ HANS!!
Dansdansdansdans!
PublicSerbissaNounsMint
Check yr blud pressures regularlolly even if you got no symptoms.
I are akshully berry helfy but my blud pressure be crazyhigh adn i got no symptomz atoll.
kthnxbai.
Fank yoo. Fank you berry much!
O noze! nightshayde & two_kittehs need hep!! runz fer de whiskee brum, sweepity braynes, rinisity wif sparkley wadder, driez wif hunnert doller towel, tuckity bak inno branium hoal, wrapity wif duk taype & appli CHRG (wdoi). Snugglez u bof inno floofy cheezfrends map blankie & handz ober choklit possumz. Naow u jus rest a minit, kay?
Fanks, BF473!
Iz LCB gonna starz sellin deez cheezfrendz map blankees on hur site?
Hmmmwell, u guise hasn’t been buying teh hunnert dollar towels like u sed u would, so I dunno. I only has so much rooms in my lair to hold merchandise, u knoes.
But if peoples here can drawr good, I can halp put together and market a Cheezland calendar. Peeps can call me direct at lolcatburglar at gmail dot com.
ohai LCB how was the birfdai sillybrashuns?
Did U haz a gud tyme?
I had many funs, yes. I gotted lots of great prezzies, most of them shiny!
BTW, has u taken ur Firemans Safety Awareness Prevention class yet? They’re bein held in teh NB all week for National Prevention of Awareness of Fire Safety Week. Hands-on training wif real firemans!
where can I sign up
that sounds lyke sumfing I needz to knoz
U can register pretty much anywhares: at teh Tybooteek, at teh JCH4K Amphitheatre Tikkit Orifice, 3nd tree on teh left at the Princess Mu Meadow…
Or u can just show up at teh NB and grab a firemans.
sounds lyke a plan
Grab a fireman’s wut, eggzaktlee?
O, Firemans Biff! We has a special-needs stoodint rite here. Can u gives her a one-on-one hands-on session, plz?
Iz dis an earlee birfday prezzint, LCB?
Whatever it is, itz 4 ur own good. Now go along wif teh nice firemans and study hard.
*swoon*
fanks bluesfan for deh reskoo
snuggles in deh blankie
eatz demz choklits
Luuuuuuuuuuuuuking foar luuuuuuuuuuve iyn awl teh rong plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaises;
Ai’m jes luuuuuuuuuking foar luuuuuuuuuuuuve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( ‘K, Ai staup naow; buut Ai WILL bees heer awl weak!!!!! )
EEEEAAAARRRRWURM!
Der aer wurse…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MhcxK_POWs
eeeeeeeeeeeeeerwurm!
Wutz dat owtsyde teh windoe? Cud it bee … *whispurs* a…fyre truk???
Wun kin hoap. It mite be sum kind uv hevvee moovin ekwipment tho… oar mebbe farming ekwipment. Wun oar teh otter, aifinkso.
mai thott wazzat coolness kitteh be hangin’ owt at teh NB
cud be teh barn -yeshyeshifinksoyeshido
Iz teh hunnee waggon aifinkso. liek mai naybors hooman haz.
Pik-up lain betur werk. I fink I mey hav dislokaytid mah frunt leg tu attayn “kum hithur” poez.
Hey Babeh — duz yew haz medikul skillz?
That cat is moking hot!!!
http://mylifeiscrap.com
Only on Kitteh Night.
aw, dis kitteh has fayk ID, he beez tu yung tu be in dis tavern, tryin tu pic up chix! but teh ladees, dey lubs dat bebbeh fayze….
he is dedlee kyoote, gud fing Ai gotted mai CHRG awn TITE!!!! (gmmmpphh pulls awn CHRG ebben tighter, rapps teh duckytaype ‘roun tu be sayf…) whew, dat wuz KLOSE!!! awlmost splorted…..
Oh Babii Oh Babii OH BABII!!!
*SPLORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT*
O deer! Yew haz bin down a wile, jmuhj!
*Skreechez arown teh coarner on teh CCC*
*hops off — sweepa sweepa sweepa teh braynez into a pile*
*sprayz teh braynes wif sum applol-smellin Lysol* (hasta be cleen to put bak)
*jentlee scoops teh braynez bak intew jmuhj’s hed*
*jentlee pieces togedder teh skull bitz liek a jigsaw puzzlol*
*taypa taypa taypa teh skull in plaec*
*snaps CHRG(wdoi) onto yer hed & sekures wif moar duckee tayp*
*settlols yew into a cushee chair, tuks yew in wif a sawftee grey blankee, gives yew a cuppa hawt tee (nawt too hawt) an a choklit oktopus (wif caramel filling*
Dere. Rest kwietlee & yew shud be fien in a liddul wile.
Az offen az u want mi 2 b heer, u adorabul littlol bebbeh!
Frenz, ai jes posted tihs awn cheezfrenz:
“Ai’m werkin laet.
Dere’s a gui onna seckund shift dat, wehn himz gurlfren cawls hiz
cellfone, him ether goes “grr” oar “Meow”!
Him jes ansered teh fone an sed “Grr”!!! Mi, ai’m DYIN in heer!”
Ai luvs da cyoot kitteh in da windo. Cyoot kitteh. Ai WANTS! So splortashus!
O mai!
***SPLOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTT***
Oh noes, KCT! Luks lyke yoo haz bin down a lawng tiyme! I halps yoo. Plz hang on tite!
Oh my, teh brayns! *scoops em up, reverses teh polarity an sendz them bak into teh kraynium! FLURP!*
*pulls owt a noo CHRG, never bin used befoar, putz it on! SCRRRripp!*
*cuvers it up wit duk taype, sevral layers*
*putz on a floofy blankee wit kitteh dezines*
A hot drink for yoo? Sum chonklits? Plz to halp yorself! Hope yoo feelz beddur!
O mai! *KCT coming to after lawng tiem* *Wabes paw weekly* O Gremlin! Fank u, fank u, fank u! Ai neber thot ai’d be down so lawng! *KCT pulls floofy blankee up higher and cuddles into it* Hawt choklit wud be fien wif mehbe a buncha uv da liddel tinee marshamallows. Mai heero!
Awww! So cute!