Monorail Cat derails after
Monorail Cat derails after taking turn too fast 2nite @ 10p
monorail cat iz awt of service.
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: cakeislie
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Cheezburger Network Blog
Here we go cheezpeeps!!! Don’t be shy, everyone can participate. The spelling and grammar police are at the donut shop so you don’t have to worry about that. There is no right or wrong way to do this. A couple of reminders:
Remember to number your post and refresh (F5) before you post. Otherwise we may end up with 5 responses to one entry and that will get really confusing. But don’t obsess over it. The purpose is to have fun!
*
Each story takes on a life of its own. Some are funny, some scary, some turn out downright weird. And if this one doesn’t work no worries, we can has do-over. Oh, that reminds me, lolspeak is optional. Without further a-doo…
*
1. It was a dark and stormy night. Larry was sitting by the fire with Fluffy, his best friend and epic mouser. The pounding rain and pitch black sky reminded him of…
2. that time in West Springfield. The turnpike stretched out in an endless black shiny strip, and the engine, that stupid engine, just kept on …
3. singing showtunes. “That’s teh last time we go to *that* mechanic,” harumphed Larry. A sign loomed for teh next eggsit and hanging from it was…
4. a large possum…
Adn 4 moar bebbeh possums hanging frum hur bak. Thay were saying…
‘Ai CarUMBA, this is nawt yor egsit buddy.’
Larry wondered if it was time for a comfort break. Time to get Fluffy to take over the driving so he could get a little shut eye.
Surely they’d lost the police several hundred miles ago?
7. But just as he thot that, he saw flashing red lites in himz reer vyew meeror. “Oh noes,” he groaned. Heer we goes agin!
8. Not the aliens again! C’mon guys, you probed me last month! Why don’t you leave me alone an go visit…
9. …Cartman? Larry thought to himself, “For him, all day long, everything involves things either going in or coming out of his arse.” Meanwhile, in Colorado the Special Possum’s Investigative Unit, having just issued an all points bulletin for a man and his cat, got a report on the radio of suspects heading toward West Springfield. Captain Eric, feeling a twinge of dejavu, sprang from the sofa, dusted off the cheezypoofs, and with all the authoritah he could muster, he started to…
10. *nekkid dansdansdans*
*Captain Eric shaekz hiz thang*
q
12. The appearance of q changed everything. Suddenly, it seemed shameful, in the light of this godlike being, to speak with broken grammar. Therefore, Captain Eric commaned his nawt seggund (the shame of saying the “F” word was yet so overwhelming, he fell back to old habits), Commander TinyTribble, to mount the helm and go where no other storyline has gone so far.
13. To the end… and beyond!!!
14. “You know, we are all on our lonesome,” surmized Eric, who some called “teh Read”.
14.
But that was all far, far in the past — almost as far back as prom night.
.
CHAPTER TWO
Larry shook his head slightly as he slowly came back to himself, in the here and now, in the pitch black and the rain, sitting by the fire with Fluffy.
.
His eyes refocused on the firelight: but he was still a bit lost in his thoughts and remin… rimen… meeeeemmmmmories…misty water color memmmmories….
.
Larry sighed deeply, and mechanically petted Fluffy…
.
…but wait! Fluffy WASN’T THERE!!!
“Where could she have GONE???” wailed Larry in despair.
.
CHAPTER THREE…
16. He searched everywhere. Panic gripped him. Fluffy was his LIFE!!! Had fluffy been robbed by the story-hijackers??
17.Or,was Fluffy taken by LCB,who was attracted to the shiny,diamond studded collar?? Larry was determined to find out,so he headed to the Nawty
Barn,where….
18. Wait a minute!! What was he thinking!! Bad Larry!! Fluffy was gone, and anyway, he was in a car, speeding somewhere near West Springfield, with the [aliens] cops on his behind!! No, Fluffy had to be hiding somewhere in the floorboards…
18. … Cap’n Eric, The Well-Read, had gone to start his new
career as a YNG who really knew how to *nekkid dansdansdans* and *shaekz hiz thang*. He had had to brush up on his ironing skills, it was true, but this was the life. No more chasing after that stupid Larry guy in West Springfield in the rain, no sirree Bob. Or Larry…
“But — but –,” spluttered the Cap’n. How could this be??
Here was LARRY, here in the NB!! Soon he would spot Fluffy tending bar, and he would KNOW that they had run off together after that fateful traffic stop.
19. Meanwhile, Captain Eric shouted: “We WILL get him this time!!” Commander TinyTribble (this was not his real name, but all had forgotten it, they had even made him a badge stating “TinyTribble” for his elebentieth birthday) winced. His hernia was acting up again.
Will Captain Eric finally fulfill his promise?
Will Fluffy be found??
Find out tomorrow, on ICHC radio!!
21. … and the tessmaract moved on…
22. down teh 4th dimenshun lyke a good liddel hyper-cube…
5. Oddly enough, it seemed to be made of chocolate. And like chocolate Easter bunnies, the ears were missing. Who would do such a devilish thing? Could it be….
6) Ebil Maus. No… not even HE would do something THAT dastardly. It must have been…
teh ebil twin ob JCH4K!!!!!!!!
hoo iz eben ebiller, in porporshun to how gud teh gud wun iz! only EbilJCH4K would…
6. *musical sting* Ebil Maus???
Who else wud eet the ears off a bunnie?? Unless…
7) it was MaisNon! Or possibly the dreaded LolCatBurglar. Hmmmm… Yes! That must be it. Unless it was…
8. not profitabul. No.. of corse… an investigashun must be launched. We had to get to the bottom of the ear mystery!! But who could we call? There was only ONE choice….
9.fleep da mad scientest
10. … and his cohort, Igor. Igor was known to collect various body parts (such as Abby’s brain), so it was logical that he might have gotten the possum’s ears (not knowing, of course, that they were chocolate). Fleep, on the other hand…
11. knew full well the dangerous properties of chocolate and how to use them to his best advantage! It was only a matter of time before he complete his..
D’Beaker Labs Nuclear Bust Duster (pat. pending). All he was missing ot complete this diabolical device was a live chicken and some…
12. master plan of werld domination…
12. …chocolate death ray. Currently, it was only a chocolate sleeping ray, but Fleep figured he wasn’t too far from his ultimate solution. He needed more bunny and possum ears, but …
13. …himz didn’t haz a golden ticket tu Willie Wonka’s factoree. Sew he started tu sing da candy man song whyle himz wuz tinkin. Den da solushun cayme tu himz, awl hee had tu dew wuz…
14. avoid the rocks that people were throwing at him… and as he ran, he wondered, ‘what do they mean by eerworm>/i>??? No matter… his destination was just ahead….
*edited vershun*
14. avoid the rocks that people were throwing at him… and as he ran, he wondered, ‘what do they mean by eerworm??? No matter… his destination was just ahead….
15. … the Russel Stover Outlet Store! He knew that they had the chocolate bunnies leftover from the previous Easter, and they would all have their ears intact (and be marked down for quick sale, to boot!) So he ran in and found …
14. stage a heist at the Pi Stawl, where there’s all kinds of chacolate makings. As he trotted over, still humming the candy man song, a large….
16. … to himz dismay dat dere wuz onlee shoogar-free choklit bunnehz, and nawt wun choklit possum in teh hole place. Choklit octopi (wif caramel filling) were in seezun and appeered kwite taystee. The Russel Stover Outlet Store manager’s plan wuz coming togedder kwite nicely.
…
While Larry wuz distrakted by teh nomalicious choklit octopi, sumfing sinistur wuz happening to Larry’s car.
LOLZ… choklit octopi…HAHAHAHAHA… *snert* *snert*
*caff* *caff*
blargh. I r ded of teh funniee!!!
17. The agents, who had been posing as Russell Stover Outlet employees at the phony Outlet Store, began installing a hidden tracking device on Larry’s car, so that they would be able to follow Larry and Fleep unnoticed from a distance. Meanwhile, Fleep began thinking that the tentacles from the chocolate octopi would be an even better energy source for his chocolate death ray than even the chocolate possum and bunny ears. He surreptitiously pocketed quite a number of them, before Larry excitedly said, “…
“ich bin ein Berliner!”
19. “Donuts? Where?” Fleep asked, looking arownd, thinking that if they were chocolate they could just be the ultimate fuel for his chocolate death ray. Especially if they were chocolate chocolate iced with chocolate cream filling. But then he noticed the suspicious agents messing around with Larry’s car. …
9…MacGuyver! With just a ball of string, aluminum foil and a parakeet he quickly fashioned a…
10. global thermonuklear devyce. “Wuld yoo lyke to play a gayme?” it said.
the only way to win is not to play!
12. But Larry felt lukky today! “I feel lukky today!” he sed. An so he began to play teh gayme . . .
13. X
14. O (center square)
15. Larry said, “Paul Lynde for the win, please.” The host said, “Paul, according to the Constitution, what is our form of government called?” Paul replied, “At present? Shaky!”
15. Than Larry asked, “How do you make the stars play themselves?”
*16
16. “And that means that Larry, you’re out. Auf Weidersehen.” said the lovely host.
17. So Larry grudgingly accepted the lovely parting gifts from the show: A year’s supply of Rice-A-Roni (the San Francisco treat) and the home version of Hollywood Squares. “Not so lucky this time” thought Larry to himself. What Larry didn’t know, of course, was that hidden in the box of the home game was a …
reely big dimund!! teh hope dimund!! larry wuz now reely reely rich! an cursed, too, as he fownd owt wen he left teh studio and…
19. …tripped over another earless chocolate possum. “Those things are everywhere!” he said to himself, while getting back up and knocking the dirt off of his pants. Larry mused, “I wonder how this got here. The last time I saw it was at the Queen’s party for Lady Mondegrene.” He puzzled for a minute, then closed the box before someone else saw it in the light. He put this box, along with all the Rice-A-Roni, into his car (with the hidden tracking device), and drove off to…
20. …the site of the party, hoping to find some clues to what was going on. There were a few leftover YNNSBs still hanging around, holding trays with drinks on them and looking for someone to serve. “Hey, buddy,” Larry hissed at one, not knowing that his name really was Buddy, have you seen…”
(night, aahz! my brayns gettin tired an i’m off to bed soon!)
Oh, donut ask mii, ax Yon Nate teh Goy obber tere on the Mound ob Green…
i tole u a elebenyseven tyems not 2 plae on teh, oh nebber mine
9. Kall Dr. TinyCat, he sed. Kan we do eer surgery to fix those poor kreechurs?
10. Lukkily, Dr. TinyCat was a real pionEER in eer reattachmint surgeries! Teh verreh best in teh whirld! In fakt, sum peepuls kalled him Dr. “Vincent van Gogh” TinyCat.
11. They sed he was a reel artiste with a bell, book, and candle. And with an ayrbrush!
12. Dr Tinycat’s true specialty was cauliflower ears. When paid enough chawklit caek, he would create and re-attach cauliflower ears all day long! Why, Dr Tinycat was getting to be known as the…
13. King uv Cauliflower! He wuz presented with th award in Norway, at teh annual convenshun uv eer-reattachmint doktors. He beemed with pryde, but sed, “I kuldint hav dun it withowt . . .”
14. “Mah luvlee assistant, Merlene Vanderhoofer, uv teh Chicago Vanderhoofers.” Merlene stepd forward. She lukd so familyar, yet so diffrent. So near and yet so far. So smart and yet so . . .
15. Eeerilee cunning. In awl ob Chicago, she wuz teh olny ass sistant taht cood step forward adn…
16. sew a cawliflower to a choklit possum wifout…
17. … destroyin eever teh nootrishus prawpurrtiez uv teh cawliflower, or teh deelishus prawpurrtiez uv teh choklit. She had tawt hurself dis skill durin hur incarceration in …
lolcatraz prizzun, wher she had bin loked up for elebenty-wun yeerz for steelin a set ob very old, missteryus, an valyooble…
(#18 )
19. 5-dimensional chocolate-molds. In our 3 common dimensions, they resembled dainty cauliflowers. In the 5th dimension, they resembled Noocleer Bust Dusters. In the shared 4th dimension, they travelled all directions in time simultaneously, making them omnipresent in all universes with physical laws allowing of up to 5 dimensions. At all times they appeared to be filled with just-set chocolate. This was, in fact, the case. “Omnipresent chocolate!” thought Dr Tinycat. “Now……
5… it grinned at Larry, it’s prehinsile tail wrapped securely around the sign “West Springfield, Exit Here”, and as Larry turned off, and the engine started in on it’s second performance of “memories, …..”, he saw the gleaming neon lights ahead, that welcome sign that promised ….
6…to tell him what ‘prehinsile’ means. Leave it to West Springfieldians to use a five dollar word when a one dollar word would do. Nonetheless, Larry searched his Neanderthal brain to come up with the words to ‘Memory”. Suddenly…
7. …dere wuz a bill board fur a insureence cumpanee dat towled himm whut ‘neanderthal’ ment. Butt rite under it wuz a billboard fur himz faborite restaurant wear himz cood tayke a break…
ROFL!!! @@@@@ Tribble!!
No, ohatagoosiam, u iz da best at dis! Eye iz lauphin sew hard, eye hadda bring a tisshoe box ober tu da puter. Eggcellent idear! U git elebinty bazilyon cheezburgerz!
8. and have a KitKat bar. His favorite… ever since his childhood in the Keys. But darker things also were on his mind…
9. Like a beer. Guiness. And maybe some Kitty Crunchies. He had developed a taste for them when he was stationed in the Antarctic, studying the mating habits of…
10. *censored* But where to get a beer this time of night? Perhaps his old friend YNG would let him crash for the night… if he didn’t have plans, that is. YNG always seemed busy… he
11. always seemed to have an immense never-ending pile of laundry to iron. Who’s laundry was it. Larry began to suspect that there was more to this that meets the eye. He wondered…
11. seemed, in fact, too busy for anything except his putative ironing business. Larry just *knew* that ironing could only take but so much of a guy’s life, unless he…
10…the Sperm Whale. You see he was all alone except for…
11. Teh deep dark silence under teh sea. Except fur teh shark myoosik! Yikes! Larry culd heer shark myoosik! Suddenly, a dark fin appeerd.
Larry crossed himself, sed a prayer, and then . . .
went to get a bigger boat.
But enough of remembering those halcyon days with Cheif Brodie. Now he had a bigger problem to deal with than a measey Great White Shark. Now, he had to deal with
13. … teh luvsik Sperm Whale dat had bin attrakted by whale pheremonez fur teh eggzperiment, an teh fakt dat himz wuz awlmoast owt uv Kitty Crunchies. Hao kud he liv wiffowt himz Kitty Crunchies?
9. Or at leest on himz fayce. He had hyoog, beetling blak eybraos. They wer hyoog. I meen reely relly hyoog. They lukked lyke beetls attaking himz fayc. Or maybe bears. Or sumthing big, and hayree, and blak . . .
i
7 the guard rail loomed up out of the darkness and rain, with a wet spitting cat hanging on to the top of it. Fluffy hissed madly and grabbed the wheel from Larry’s hands, causing the car …
8. tew kareen madly down da embankment…
9…and crash into a tree at the bottom of a ravine. Little did Larry know, Fluffy was a half brother to Toonces. Luckily for Fluffy he still had 8 lives left. Larry was alive but just barely. fluffy knew he had to get help. So just like the goggie Lassie, Fluffy…
10. ran fur halp! Yusing sign langwidge, Fluffy explayned theyr predikkament to teh laydee at teh McDonalds that wuz just 20 feet down teh road.
“Bring halp kwik,” Fluffy signed with all 4 paws. An then ran bak to teh kar to see if Larry wuz still breethingz.
11. (elebinty) …But da laydee at McDonalls didn’t speek sine language, and juss gabe Fluffy a happee meel pryze. Uff awl da insultz, she didn’t gibe himz a cheezburger and a pryze wuz a…
12…caretroll doll with pink hair. Fluffy snerted and walked away. Stoopy hoomans. Ya try to train ‘em but they just don’t listen. With that, Fluffy headed for the horspital. Maybe they can send a helolcopter fur my Larry. Fluffy jumped into the noisy beast and said…
13.MEEOOOWWW!!!
13. , in 4-paws sign language (4PSL, not to be cnfused with a 100P towel), “Take me to my staff!” The helicopter pilot fortunately understood $PSL, but had no idea how to locate this “staff”, and Fluffy was too busy licking the pink fur on the caretroll to……
collection of gold coins rumered to be frum the wreck ob de
Edmond Fitzgerald . these coins were stained wid oil and dered was an air ob mystery surroundin dem . the velvet bab wich contained des
e coins said ….
13. “Mrowr! Merowrrrowr!”, which translated means, “Larry, you should know that I can’t speak English, and none of the cheezburger flippers at these lousy fast-food restaurants know sign language, so I’m afraid that you’re on your own, unless I can successfully perform CPR on you.” Larry, surprised by the translator’s voice, quickly came to, and …
14. performd self-CPR! “Breethe!” Larry sed to himself. “Breethe!”
15. and then realized if he cud talk to himself, he was ALREDDY breething, so he stopped beating himself in the chest and turned to Fluffy and sed, “
16. “Thanks, Fluffy! It’s a good thing your personal translator came with you. Now, what was I thinking about? Oh, yes, the words to ‘Memory’ and the definition of ‘prehensile.’ Can you help me with those, Fluffy? I think they’re going to be important later in this story.” Fluffy, relieved that the person she owned was going to be alright, started purring loudly. Suddenly, outside in the rain, …
9 Ending up in the parking lot of the restaurant. oK. That’s it. We,re taking a break. But there, stepping out of the darkness, was Philippe’s blond with the dictionary, having transported herself through the ether from down-thread to the restaurant parking lot. Larry, she said ..
10. i kno a lot ov 5 dollar werds, even some 10 dollar wuns, but wut kin u dew fur me?
11. Larry checked his pockets, but he found that, alas, all he had was a dollar, three dimes, five pennies, and a button. He knew the lady in white would not accept that for a 5 dollar word, so he …
12. grabbd teh dikshunayree frum her hands. He payged throo it and ayme up with this wurd, which left her speechless . . .
13. “You must be the floccinaucinihilipilificatrix that I’ve read about. I didn’t think you really existed!” To which she replied, …
14. *SLAP*
Watch your mouth, bucko! Nobody calls me that! Nobody! not even my…
15..own mother!!! She always said that a word that starts with “F” and ends with “X” is a naughty word. To the NB with you!!!
*
Later that night…
15. siamese twin. Now put that in your pipe and smoke it! Larry was
astounded. He didn’t know she had a twin who apparently…
16. … Larry and the floccinaucinihilipilificatrix left the NB very quietly so as to not wake the YNGs, firemen, and YNNSBs. However, Larry coughed again, and rattled slightly, which echoed through the rafters of the NB, which amplified the noise so that it sounded more like …
17. a train wrek
18. …which was very convenient for Larry and the floccinaucinihilipilificatrix in white, because that allowed them to leave unnoticed while the firemen left in the other direction to attend to the train wreck. Once out of the NB, Larry said, “…
19. “So whatz a nyce floccinaucinihilipilificatrix lyke yoo doing in a playc lyke this? And she answered . . .
20. The floozi.. flocci… um, wut taht wuz, in wite batted herz long, thik eyelashes. “Looking for dis,” she said. Before Larry culd stop her, she reeched into hiz pokket an pulled owt…
ware can taht buss b??
16 (after little nummies) tho attached to her at teh pankreas had been missing for twenty yeers, eber since she (teh simaese twin) went into teh jungles ob Darkest Peru in serch ob…
10. Fancy meeting you here, Phillipe! Just the man I wanted to see…and just in the nick of time. Have you got the formula??
11. Philippe sed, “Yes, of korse.” An pulled a behbeh bottel full uv speshul formula owt uv himz pokkit. “Heer, tayk this,” he said. When suddenly, owt uv nowher, in teh sky, he saw . . .
12. an eerless chockit possum flying towards the car!! He realized this could only mean one thing…
13. …”Chocolate possums got wings!”
14. Kwiklee Larry held up teh bottel wit teh speshul poshun. Teh flying possums flew down an tuk turns drinking frum teh bottel.
“Well,” Larry sed. “I never wuld hav beleeved . . .”
15 … yew can lead a possum to the bottle, but you cannot …
16. … put their ears back on, no matter how hard you try. But once the possums had their fill of Larry’s special potion, they …
16. take the possum out of the bottlol. Now what am I going to do?” Larry sat down, but unfortunately his choice of seat included a small splash of the special poshun. The second he sat in it, the….
17. (to ZF, and ohai! btw!) seat of his pants got wet.
Darnit! he sed. Guess I’ll have to swing by teh NB to get them to warch and press these pants. I can’t continyoo my misshun wiffout pants! But how to keep the possums from following me?
18 (Ohai Leeza!) ” These possums seem quite attracted to the speshul poshun. Clearly, if I leave my pants here, the possums will leave me alone. But there I’ll be, pantsless!” Suddenly, a large noise appeared in the distance. It seemed to be an echo of the copcars’ extinguished sireens!
19. Larry wondered how the copcars’ sirens got extinguished in the first place. He figured that someone in the NB had been playing with the built-in fire extinguishing system again. But that wasn’t important now. What was important was that he and Philippe quickly find …
20…. … a restroom. They had dysentery, as promised. A neon sign loomed in the corridor, promising…
21. No wayt! It wuz disinhibition Larry and Philippe wer suffering! Suddenly, they both started to disrobe, whyl singing show toons slitely off-key!
22. The formula was starting to have its intended effect.
Ebil Maus, who was counting on the Sound of Music to cover his ebil activities, began to search their pockets for…..
23. some Immodium AD. The dysentary was quickly spreading.
24. teh blonde in wite, seeing that hur comrade had successfully navigated teh interdimenshunal shift and emerged wif her alias intackt, gave blonde in bloo teh hi sign. B in B held up the last remaning doses uv Immodium. There were only 3.
“I have destroyed all other medication, and hold heer in my hand your last hope of a non-smellie immediat fyooture. One dose for me.. one for my comrade (nod from blonde in wite).. and one for teh person hoo can tell us how teh heck to get rid uv these flamin’ flyin’ eerless possums!! They’re driving us bats!
25. At that moment, one of the flamin’ flyin’ earless possums flew by the flocc… blond in white, grabbed the remaining doses of Immodium AD, and landed in a large pack of other earless possums which were all running toward Lemming Bluff. The blond in white and the blond in blue stared helplessly at the scene for only a moment, when suddenly one of them said, “…
26. “Only mai hare dresser noze fer shur.”
27. Larry and Fleep emerged from the restroom, looking very much relieved, but were somewhat confused by the blond’s statement. Larry said, “What does your hairdresser’s nose have to do with this?” Fleep discreetly nudged Larry with his elbow and whispered, “…
28. “it’s just a little thing that Igor came up with, that allows one to…”
6. as menneh cheezburgers as yoo can eet! Larry turned on himz turn signal; this wuz an offer he culdnt rezist! And then out of nowhere, suddenly . . .
7. a giant stay-puff marshmellow man came lumbering down the road…
6. … “EAT HERE AND GET DYSENTERY”. This reminded Larry that he had not recently checked his…
7. prostate. “We’re in luk,” Larry sed. A sign up ahed sed – “prostate exams dun heer.” Larry blinked twyce and then . . .
8. … saw that the sign *actually* read “Probate Court – Turn Here”. Larry thought, “Just my luck that I would misread the sign.” Then it occurred to him — how many other signs had he misread? Such as the one …
9.promising disentary…
10. teh gift that keeps on givving.
But wayt. Teh sine didn’t say disentary! It sed – disinhibit!
Larry skritched hiz hed in puzzelmint. Why wuld a gud sine lyke that be hangin owt in a playc lyke this . . .
7…prostate
7. Email for spam. He always seemed to get ads from Acme that he could enlarge his…
the Titanic. Those flotation devices always poop out when you go deeper than a mile.
10. So insted uv a flotation devyce, he used federal funds to purchase a speshul submersible mosheen, in which he and Fluffy culd . . .
11. *ahem* in which he and NATASHA could exsplore the submerged vessel before the troll unter der sea realized they were there..
and activated the TrollheimUnterTehSea alarm system, which included, among other things, ….
13. banana peels.
“Here,” said Natasha, “Have a banana.” She tossed one to Larry, and began to peel her banana very slowly. As Larry watched her begin to eat, it reminded him of…
13. seven Billie Goats Gruff and a sack with a club in it, as well as a little table and a carpet. Fluffy (NATASHA wuz enchanted with the carpet, and immediately urled up on it and began to purr. Phillipe looked at the table, which upon which all kinds of delicious foods and drink appeared, not the least among them chocolate biscotte and chockolate martoonies, and some nice hot tea (Earl Gray, of course)
.
But when he went to investigate the sack, he was overcome with a sense of trepidation, as the sack. . .
14.looked like something one of the unfortunate losers on Project Runway had made out of garbage bags and twine. He went to open it,and to his astonishment,out popped…..
15. … a byootimus kitteh. Wif a mask. An pawz full uv shinee fingz. Teh shinee fingz wuz amazing — awl kindzuv joolz. Amethysts. Sapphirez. Roobeez. Emurulds. It appeered to be Teh Lawst Trezhur Of …
16. Mt. McKinley! It had been buried by earlee Aztecks, hoo had travelled all teh way to Alaska, reelized it was reely cold there, and had to stash their, uh, stash becaws it was waying them down.
Centurees later.. during the infamus ICHC rayce to wish lolnascar a happy burfdai… Mt McKinley was, erm, disturbed.. uncovering teh treshur, as well as…
17. … LCB’s stash of hundred-dollar towels. Larry thought, “No wonder she likes Mount McKinley so much!” But Natasha was already on the move. She pulled out eleventy cheezburgers and offered them to the masked kitty in exchange for the Mount McKinley jewels. “Help me carry these!” she said to Larry, who quickly pulled out a …
18. wheelbarrow. “Where did that come from?” Natasha asked. Larry smiled. “You’d be surprised at what I’ve got hidden…”
19. “I stole teh wheelbarrow frum teh albino,” Larry said. And this hollokawst kloak. It fit so gud, he sed I culd keep it . . . “
7. … rear view mirror. He looked. No sign of the cops. No sign of the mob. No sign of the mysterious person with the mask. He was easing onto the exit when he saw her. Standing on the edge of the road. Blonde. Her white dress, soaked with rain did things that Larry had only read about. She held a large dictionary under one arm (Oxford Unabridged 5-Dollar Words). Her mouth was, delicately and sensuosly, smeared with chawklit.
.
She stuck out her thumb, in the unviersal symbol for …
8…Hey Dummy, Stop or I’ll…
9. Make some other idiot’s night. I didn’t drag this dictionary all the way from …
10…the Oxford Bridge. Now we need to get out of the rain and find that mysterious person with the mask. They have done the unthinkable and…
9 … be stuck out here in the rain all night!! Larry pulled over, the motor now singing the complete soundtrack from Oklahoma, and as he opened the door and she climbed in, her eyes glistening in the light from the dashboard, she turned to him and said, in a tone that he would always remember, in those dark hours between sleep and waking, just beefore the alarm clock goes off and you have to get up, on those morning when you have lots of work to do but you wish you could just sleep until noon and then stagger to your computer and log onto ichc, “Hi, my name’s Fluffy”
10. “… What’s a nice prostate like that doing on a guy like you? I’m heading for East North Springfield, how far can I go with you?” Larry replied suavely, …
10. but I NEVER go by that. You can call me…. Natasha.
Do you have access to a computer? It’s urgent. The fate of the world is in the balance.
11. Larry replied, “You cannot fool me, Natasha. I can clearly see through your ruse. You’ve been caught at work accessing ICHC, and they have blocked your access. You just want to use my computer for your own personal pleasure! Well, I’m not one to have my computer used by a selfish lady in white!” So then …
11. Without even thinking (Larry wondered if he should do something about that tendency of his), Larry opened his laptop case and passed the sleek gleaming machine over. As he admired how Fluffy’s … errr … Natasha’s shapely fingers caressd the keys, and the strange patterns flashed across the screen, he was too distractified to notice the other cars pulling up. The large black SUVs with tinted windows, driven by muscular neckless gentlemen with impassive expressions, that now flanked his car on either side. The powerful state troopermobiles, the lights discretely silent and their sirens extinguished, that blocked his path from the front and the rear. And the mysterious lady in the mask, who watched from the sidelines. The doors opening … the large caliber weapons trained on them … the dramah …
12. … was almost too much. And then Natasha turned to Larry, and with a pleading look in her eyes, said, please help me… but at that moment, she was jerked out of the car by a large muscular man. The mysterious masked lady said, ‘put her in the back’. And as the man dragged her off, Natasha gave the masked lady a swift kick….
13 … but the masked lady just took the kick (supposedly to see what it looked like in the light). “Oh Fluff … I mean Natasha … I’ll save you” said Larry as he …
12…the cognitive dissonance of the phrase ‘lights discretely silent’. Larry had to think fast. Poor Larry. The last time he did anything fast was prom night. THAT disaster followed him everywhere. He had survived that humiliating experience; he could survive this.
*
It was then he noticed a red dot on his shirt…
which seemed to wiggle even tho he was standing stock still. “oooh, pretty light!”, thought Larry. “I must show this to Natasha! Natasha! Get your beautiful blonde a$$ over here!” But as Natasha undulated her way over….
13. …It wuz a lazer. But nott an ordinaree lazer dot, it had a shape. Hee new dat dis wuz da mark uff…
14. … the red dot moved to her and hovered terribly close to the low-cut neckline of her white dress. Larry cried in alarm, “…
13. It was one of those pointy laser thingys. Before Larry could react, he was best by elebenty cats chasing the laser dot. When the cloud of fur and shredded shirt subsided, Larry was left with only the tattered remains of his…
15. GET DOWN!! But it was too late. Natasha was hit skware in the decollatage with a banana creem pi. It seems the consortium had found a replacement for the recently deceased Moe. As she wiped whippy creem from her….
15 to Aahz. “Where’s a good bust Duster when you need it? Isn’t that what started this whole misadventure? Natasha! Drop and roll!” Natasha dropped her dress, and rolled…
16 to Tall Blonde. .. bulbous appendages, Larry noticed that they strangesly resembled…
16. into teh arms of Igor. With one quick motion he grabbed her and threw hur up into his cart, and covered her with a horse blanket. Not so sawfty but efficient. Then while everyone’s attention was turned toward the elebenty cats chasing the red dot, he motioned to Petunia and the cart started to move off. If they made good time, they could reach…
the underground tunnels below the d’Beaker lab. There were many rooms donw there, all of them full of equipment which could be fashioned into anything they might need.
.
Urged on by Igor, Petunia galloped as fast as she could. Suddenly, there was a huge pothole in the road. Petunia leaped over it with her accustomed grace, but the right wheel of the cart slammed into and went flying off into the field.
.
Natasha was thrown from the careening cart, but, protected by the sawft blankie, she landed safely in a . . .
…huge pile of buckets. Hundreds of them. No, thousands of them. Scads of blue buckets everywhere. Where had all these buckets come from and why were they in the d’Beaker tunnels? She couldn’t think about it now. She had to hurry. She new that they would be following closely behind. So, she…
one of the buckets, thinking it might prove useful, and hurried toward the tunnel entrance. She could just see the light ahead – safety beckoned. With the bucket firlly clasped in her left hand, her right hand found the door latch – and quickly opened it. The door squeaked loudly as she pushed it open.
.
Knowing she was now safe, she slammed the door behind her and through the latch! She turned to run down the hall, when she espied something gleamong in the corner – something she knew she had seen before.
20. It was a pile of shiny wristwatches, that had mysteriously “disappeared” from the wrists of many cheezfrens.”Hey,my watch! Just in time,too…I need to pawn this and use the money for….”
21….a one pee towel. According to the book, her guide through this universal maze, had assured her she would fare well as long as she held n to her towel. Bsides, if she kept meeting men iwth prostate problems, she would surely need it…
22.to clean up the “accidents”.Or to wrap around her hed to avoid being seen by the problematic men.So,with her watch in hand (and a few others 8). ),she headed to the pawn shop,which was in….
23. …West Springfield, of course. Where that Larry guy had almost picked her up in the pouring rain last year… and that kyoot little kitteh… whut wuz itz nayme? Fluffy, taht wuz it.
24. ah, Fluffy. The fact taht they shared the same first name was only one of the things that drew them together. Natasha sighed, remembering the time that…
6. Hawt Choklit wif a liddle happiness inclewded. But Larry had to get that song, “memories,” owt of his hed which played on like a bad cd wif a scratch on it which was stuck in da cd player. But then when he walked under dat neon sign gleaming in the night……….
7. Suddenly teh wind kawt teh sine an teh winds pikked up. With a KRASH, teh sine fell on Larry’s hed! Fynally, he had furgotten “memories” uv awl kinds. And even wurse, he had a noo symptom . . .
8. an uncontrollabul urge to whack himself in teh hed if he ever hears Memories, or Teh Candy Man, ever agin!
4. …a rope, butt hee cooden’t qwite identife whut wuz swaying bak an forf at de end uff dat rope, it appeered tu be tu gruesum tu bee reel…
beccuz it wuz teh Scarecrow frum Oz – an standing below were . . .
6. four cats and a classic dame, who looked a bit embarrased. She was embarrased because, shortly before, she had…
7. sworn that she would NEVER go see WICKED” again, because it gave her. . .
8. heartburn. She tuk a pill an chaysed it down with an icy-kold drink. She swigged it with gusto, and then she turned and screamed LOOK OUT!!
8. a rash, and the irrational fear (well, probably rational, but I digress) of screaming mezzo soprano belters. Every time she heard that, she would…
remember the night when all he*l broke loose at the theatre, because the spotlight operator went berserk and. . .
#9 *sobs uncontrollablee* Ai just cant remebur to do it! ROFL!!
{{Janet}} ROFL ennyway!
Numbers or no!
{{{gremllin}}}]
Ai’m laffing so hard ai can hardlee rite!
10. also known as a “Boys-With-Toys” techie, used robotic lights which refocus by computer command. Since he was lacking circuits he ran cable into the hallway, behind the stage house and plugged the robotic light control box into an ordinary wall plug. Suddenly the robotic lights started pivoting in different directions, lighting the walls, the ceiling, anything but the actors, and often focusing hot beams of white light on various…
7. fallen an ripped her skirt. It hung open slitely abuv her knee, showing a little bit uv kneekap . . .It wuz rownd. It was flesh-kullerd. It wuz a knee. But then . . .
8. a mighty wind blew up. It whipped her skirt around revealing her green floofee nickers. She fell to the ground and gathered up all four kittehs in the remnants ov her torn skirt. In the meanwhile, the Scarecrow was swinging wildly on the sign – and then – suddenly. . .
9. A payr uv shiny, ruby-red slippers fell frum teh sky and landed rite by her feet! So she . . .
gasped with delight! She quickly put them on and found that they fir PERFECTLY. Ao she. . .
11. went directly to the retailer and ordered 4 more pairs in a varietee of colurs. Which is teh onlee thing TO do, in a case like this!
12. The retailer, named Glenda, hailed from up North. She told the dame that all the slippers were great to wear with any traveling outfits. The red ones were for going home, as anyone would guess, but the others were even more special. “The blue ones,” she said, “can be worn when you want to go to…”
13. “…secret meetings with tall, dark, and handsome super spies. But be careful, because they will try to steal your…”
14. “…ideas for any more of this storyline here”
3. da nite an da storm seemed to last fureber…
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50. … butt evenshullie, evin badd stoarmy nite cumz too an int, an teh snriz wuz gloriuuus!!!
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Tu muuch koppie n paystee
oh thank CC we finished one!!
LOL! Ai didnt think it cud bee dun! Ai dont bleeve ai ebber saw so menee started storeez in mai laif!
Teh challunsh iz noaw to finnush ALLZ of dem in teh comin dais!!!
I haz a chaet…
no yoo just haz a yooniqe method ob gettin fings done
3. clicking and sputtering when regretfully it totally shut off and he was stranded and was so angry with his….
cousin, who recommended that mechanic because he came very highly recommended by the tall blonde real-estate agent in blue who helped him (the cousin) buy the empty warehouse out on the docks which he (the cousin) now used to store…
(oops, taht wuz #4)
3. making that knocking, hissing sound. That sound he couldn’t quite identify. Was it just his imagination after too many miles on the road or was it …
4. Sumwun knocking, akshuly knocking, frum insyde teh engin. Larry stopped teh kar and opind teh hood. Theyr to hiz amayzment, he fownd . ..
5… Four nucular skwirels maddly wipping up sum whippy kreem. They needed elebenty kwartz for …
6…..dark rituals promising eternal youth to she who disports herself in the cream. With the cream. Even throwing a cream pie knocks five years off of her age.
But cream whipped by nuclear squirrels presented a special danger…
7. …that no one could foresee. Contact meant instant effects. Any kitteh exposed would immediately become a cyoot bebbeh kitteh, and the world was in short supply of CHRGs. Faced with an impending splortedemic, Larry and Fluffy took the squirrels and a sample of the cream to the d’Beaker labs fur analysis and to develop a nuclear Baving Cap and Gogglols that could…
8. fit over teh whole world at once, to contain the giant simultaneous splort that was shortly to come. could he make it to the lab in time? He was nearly there, only a block away, when out of nowhere…
9. appeared a large pack of flying earless chocolate possums! Larry and Fluffy realized that this could mean an instant solution to their dilemma, and could save the whole world from splortedemics forever, if only…..
10. they could capture them and harness their anti-splort properties!
“Quick, Fluffy!” Larry cried. “Grab the…”
3. cutting out. But that was a lifetime ago. So much has happened since. Larry sighed and looked at the tattoo that would always remind him of….
4. that one fateful night in Jamaica with the belly dancer where . . .
5. he dislocated his…
6. … prostate, which is why he can not participate in any contact sports without wearing a special…
7. prostatethesis. Yes, it wuz wun uv a kind. Dr. TinyCat had dun meerakuls wit teh surgery, but when Larry coffed, he gayv himself away by . . .
8. … rattling loudly from his lower abdomen. It was the one drawback to the prostatethesis — he could never be stealthy. For this reason, he was kicked out of the CIA. Fortunately, someone else was interested in his abilities: …
The French Foreign Legion! Yes! THEY could use someone who rattled loudely from his lower abdomen because it would be . . .
9. The international society uv speshul organ-bearers. They hyred him to be theyr spokesperson. Becawz he had a speshul way uv . . .
pulling out all the stops. And he actually knew all of the Bach cantatas by heart!! That made him. . .
*sigh* #10 LOL!!
11. … unique in that he could not only play the organ, but accompany himself with percussion. Now, with the brass band that is forming elsewhere in Washington, Larry might have a chance to…
12. draw Condy Rice’s attention away from the flying chocolate possums long enough to…
13. … keep her from …
“Aaah!” *flump*
… tripping. Oh, too late. Larry ran to Condi’s side and began to …
14. dance teh marangay on her hed! “Larry, stawp!” she showted! An then, to mayk it wurz, Condi began to sing a sawng. “Mammaries!” Larry thot he herd her singing “Memories,” and so he . . .
10. …bearing hizz organz…
11. … ackshully there had been a hammock involved…
12. But omlee in teh UK, ware all teh best peepz wares hammockz.Bidtum snapped her fingers and said, “…
heddesk…..
clunking and spewing out black exhaust. He thought to himself I have to get to Sunnydale by 10 or…
Sorry!! I has to LOL!!!!!!
Penaltee on Goosey.. u didn’t number yer entree!!
i must copy all entries and sort by number……
i gettin berry confuzzled……. but funneeeee
OK, penaltee on Goosey! *blows whissle*
Fifteen yard penalty fur nawt numbering . . .
But where am I going to get 15 yards?
you don’t have to GET 15 yards… u have to DRINK 15 yards!
*hands goosey the tradishunal blown glass yard filled wif bier*
Here’s teh furst one!
Um, kin I have scotch instead?
*sez in a skotch akksent*
Wha heer ya go, me luv. *hands goosie 15 yards uv skotch*
Drink up! *pulls owt a bagpype an begins to play a dantzing toon*
*Goosey commences drinking* *bagpipes skirl* (yay! I gets to use “skirl”!!!!) Oh Goosey! Ware iz u? U can haz hangober?
2. …his dais as a fishing boat captain off da cost of nova scotia
3. wondering why he was tehre because he actually didn’t like fish at all. His cat did, though, which made it all worthwhile, especially when he caught the giant…
Teh tiem he gotted lost in teh woods
3. It started owt azza normul camping trip wit lots uff rayne…
And then a full-bore hurricayne bloo up. “itz gonna be a lawng nite,” he sed.
5. Withowt warning, teh rayne and wind bloo down teh tent, leeving Larry and Fluffy withowt shelter in teh middel uv teh kold, dark woods.
6. and not too far away… Natasha watched them and fyoomed. WHO is this Fluffy person?? she wondered? And why does she keep showing up with Larry??
7. And why do I always seem to get wet??? Just once I’d like to be nice and dry and warm and in …
8. Acapulco, dantzing teh tango! With a warm, dry bed wayting fur me, an satin sheetz, an a choklit on mah pillo. A choklit shayped suspishuslee lyke . . . oh noes! a POSSUM!!! *kyoo dramatikal myoosik*
9. The word possum,in some parts of the universe,is actually the most horrible insult ever known. When spoken here,it slipped thru a tear in the space-tyme continuim and ended up being heard on the world of…..
10. small green rubbery spheroidal beings of higher intelligence than we can possibly imagine, who regarded any reference to anything furry as an insult because…
um, taht wuz lame to leev it liek taht.
10 (cont.) because it reminded them of their not-too-distant un-evolved past wen tehy had squat little bodies and long green hair. as tehy evolved, the color of tehri hair leeked down into their bodies which became round to accomodate their growing brayns. Thus highly evolved, their reaction to the dreaded insult POSSUMS coming through a hole inthe time-space continuum was to…
11. all go to the Restaurant at the End of The Universe and have a drink and “the dish of the day”. Before they could eat their dinner,though, an angry mob of….
12. possums burst through the door, waving placards an shouting slogans for “possum rights!” and “give us back our ears!” Az the restaurant patrons jumped to tehir feet, screaming and panicking, a tall dark stranger stepped forward and said…
13. “Make it Work” It was Tim Gunn,and he immediately confiscated everyones clothing for being tacky and boring. So the nekkid,green-haired spheroidal beings went down to the carport and blasted off to….
14. …Joe’z Billiard Parlor. Teh lokulz becayme bery confuzzled — teh billiard tabul nao had duzzinz uv #6 ballz. Teh ballz started runnin awl ober teh table, which cauzed teh intawksikayted men playin in teh tournament to …
immediately swear off the booze and decide to devote their days to singing hymns at the local salvation army shelter. Unfortunately, on their first day there, the music leader was suddenly revealed to be a…
( #15 )
16. Tall Blonde in White. This lovely vision had been suppressing her assets for too many years! As she tore off her dinner jacket and twirled it over her head on one finger, the band struck up…
17. “The Candy Man!”
9. Memerees~ awl aloan inda moonlite…
The tangoing pair stopped their dance and lukked ovur.
“Vy du yu seeng liek that?” she asked.
“I vant tu bee aloan! awl aloan!” Teh seenger anserred.
Just then, they hear a mighty
roar ob rage frum teh possum. “WHO EETED MY EERS?” the enranged
furry beast bellowed, staring at teh singer as though…
(#10 )
that rock concert they went to way back in the 70’s; the sounds, the smells, the sights! Oh, that what was seen cannot be unseen! Larry would never forget the look on Fluffy’s face when…
3. suddenly teh femayl neggst to them gayv birth to a hole litter uv . . .
Possumms!
5. “Possums to teh left uv me, possums to teh rite uv me,” Larry exklaymed! Then he lukked kloser an realyzed that wun uv them wuz nawt lyke teh uthers . . .
6.it was made ov mince meat rather dan choklit, and it had it’s ears!
2. …the hangover he had last week after drinking too many Chocolate Martinis. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was Dr. Tiny Cat. “I have some bad news, Larry…”
LUK OWT!!!
Kitteh rails at injustice of inadekwate barriurs.
2. …the hangover he had last week after drinking too many Chocolate Martinis. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was Dr. Tiny Cat. “I have some bad news, Larry…”
3. Moe kicked the bucket. So who can you get to take his place? Is there anyone who knows how to…
4. Dance the tango?
5. “Dance the tango?” Larry sed. “Why I praktikally inVENTED teh tango!” Larry began to leap and prantz arownd teh room, when he suddenly tripped over . . .
6. … his prostate. Sheepishly, Larry said, …
7. … “Sorry, that’s pretty baa-aad of me.” Everyone around cringed at the terrible pun, and started pelting Larry with …
8. Woolen pelts. This was not as bad as some might think…Woolen pelts are actually quite soft and warm. Why they even…
9. feel sawft as silk if they ar mayd rite. Woolen pelts, sawft as teh sawftest silk. Did we menshun they wer mayd frum free-raynge sheeps? (*No sheeps or enny uther annymuls wuz harmed in teh maykin uv these blankets. Kthx.)
Suddenly, Larry had an idea! A wunderful, awful, awful idea! .. .
10. … but since his heart had already grown three sizes recently, he decided to abandon that larcenous idea and concentrate on the task at hand. Or the task at foot, rather, since he was supposed to be dancing the tango. However, at that very moment, Larry saw…
11. ..one of the pelts go awry of teh target and land on the floor rite at Larry’s feet. It was too late for him to stop, and he stepped forward onto teh pelt, wich, being sawfty as silk and having no frikshunal resistanse on a hardwood floor, resulted in Larry execyooting a move that wud result in him singing soprano for days 2 come.
12. Dr. Tinycat came up to Larry’s side and said, “That’s gonna leave a mark. But it’s your own fault, Larry. You were dancing the tango alone, but don’t you know it takes two to tango?” Larry rolled his eyes at Dr. Tinycat, but refrained from commenting as the pain forced him to keep his teeth tightly clenched. Meanwhile, in walked a man who looked like the spitting image of …
13. Al Capone. “Let me mayk yoo an offer yoo kant refyooze,” he sed. And handed Larry a cannoli.
4. fluff dry a cat in 3 seconds flat?
or alternatively, shampoo a lion?
LOL Sawa!
4) contact the YNGs in the Nawty Barn? The phone lines are down and we have to tell them that the Vice Squad is on the way to…
5. Bust their tiddly-winks tournament. Because to a YNG, a wink is as good as a ….
6. … nod. But moar dan da lawndree wuz pilin upp in dat nawtee barn…
7. … and if those YNG’s didn’t act fast, the whole world was going to find out their secret. Their dirt, little secret. Their …
8.reason fur always being naked and never….
9. actually finishing the ironing. How much ironing can there be? THAT was their little secret. The Nawty Barn is actually a front for an international ring of
10. money laundering. . . .
FIREMEN! They used their ill-gotten gains to finance…
12. … their own, private, international Nawty Barn, located on a small island in the Caribbean, accessible only by firefighting helicopters. The INB was the world where you could find …
13. LCB on any given night, regaling the firemen with tales of her burglery feats and her rapier-sharp repartee. On any night except last night, that is, when LCB…
13. …pool boys…
14 (to 4point5kittehs comment) …fownd klingon’s were singin battul songz an drinkin blood whyne. Da YNG’s were wonderin how dey wuz gonna git da wyne stains outta da lawndree wen…
14. … was believed to be at the Tower of London, trying to find a way to look at the Star of India in the light. She wanted a companion piece to her newly-acquired Hope Diamond (which looked quite good in the light). However, having the Hope Diamond, along with its curse, caused her to …
14. … all her *cough* talents on display, had been spotted canoodling the night away with suave, sophisticated members of the International Diamond Smuggling fraternity.
She’d woken with a splitting headache and more …
15. to the point, missing the diamond. What did those YNGs put in my choklit martoonie?? she moaned. Now,
16. I’ve got to hav that dimund! Kwiklee, she put on a disguise:
17. LCB dressed herself in a human-sized skwirl soot, opend teh window, and krawled owt onto teh tree branch owtside teh winder . . .
18. It was a VERY tall tree – an least 50 feet tall. A large honey locust, covered with 8″ pointy ended barbs. She was at least 30 feet off the ground. To her skurprise, the wind blew the window behind her shut – it slammed down, and the fall made the lock click into place!
She looked at the wondow, then looed at the ground, and began to. . .
call owt for teh peeplez wif the big rownd peeple-catchy fing. unforchunately, teh peeple-catchy fing wuz ovverwise okkupied at teh momnet, wif…
taht wuz 19
20. …SEVERAL FYREMENZ! LCB had no tyme 2 waste or even 2 think ov teh consequences of her akshuns.
“Damn the torpedoes,” she said 2 herself, and she jumped!
The wind was whistling in her ears as she fell down, down towards all teh fyremenz — whistling hard enough to blow the skwirrel suit right off her, revealing beneath it…
21. … nothing more than God had graced her with upon her birth. This, naturally, got the firemen’s undivided attention, so they very quickly pulled out their big round people-catchy thingy and positioned it under the rapidly falling (and rapidly blushing) LCB. Making a perfect 3-bounce landing with double twist and full pike, LCB then…
bouwnced so high she landed back up in the tree, even higher tahn before! “Help!” she cried out plaintively, when a noise overhead made her look up. To her relief, and considerable surprise, she saw a…
23. … pink rescue helicopter full of YNG’s. ‘Um, guys? Got an opening in the nawty barn for a YNGal?’
Meanwhile, and not to be outdone, the firemen were mounting their own pre-emptive effort to retrieve the blushing Ms LCB. They had sent for the cheezfire-wagon and were manoeuvering their enormous ladder into position.
Whilst LCB fashioned a rather fetching bikini from an old kite and some twigs, the YNG’s lowered a ….
6….Nom tew a deff geraff…
7. which LCB has spent her days reading stories too, charitable lady that she is, not knowing that the deaf giraffes were actually planning to…
5. defuse the bomb that some disgruntled person left there. It was going to be close. And with Petunia and Bodice Ripper still trapped in barn… we have to get them out or…
6. McDonalds will have enough meat to sell 4 billion more “ham”burgers. Oh, the Huge Manatee. Wait! That’s it. Call the Lolrus! He know how to…
7…Play “Hello Dolly” on the trumpet. But wait with other horns we can…
8.hav a hole brass section.
8. Set up a sonic vibration that will resonate at the exact frequency of the bomb, and reverse the reaction!!! Quick!! Call the ICHC marching band! They’re….
9. going to play The Minute Waltz in 35 seconds. But wait! Their director, Professor Harold Hill, is in prison. Someone is going to have to…
10. Blow their own Trumpet,and someone else’s as well.
They’ll certainy need a….
11. … person who can not only talk out of both sides of their mouth but play separate brass instruments out of both sides of their mouth as well. But to find enough of these kinds of people, they would have to go to …
Chicago, the city with big shoulders, the city that. . .
*eeep* #12
lol :lols: Tidmun & Aahz. rotflmaopimpbbq!!!
12. “This is a job fur teh guvermint!” he exklaymed!
12. Washington. Where amazing things happen. Like last night at the State dinner, when Condy Rice tripped over a ….
13. … prostate. A prostate of State, no less. She was in such a state afterwards that she had run to Larry for comfort. “Larry, my love,” Condi cooed, “will you promise to…”
13. earless possum, which was flying through the air at knee level. Condy recovered from the pratfall nicely, but the State was not impressed….
13…earless mince meat possum…
14. (to LCB’s comment) “… pick up your prostate of State when you’re through with it? I can’t act like your mother here — didn’t she teach you not to leave your prostate of State lying around?” Larry, rather humbled by the comment from Condi, said, “I know, Condi, but…”
the body of a tall hansum sinetist lying on the floor. Clutched in his right hand was a bit of white cloth . . . As Condy skittered across the room, the sintist on the floor moaned and began to stir. . .
15. … “when I am with you, everything else seems to flee my mind like a trampled prostate.” As he leaned in to plant a smooch on Condi’s stately mouth of State, he saw out of the corner of his eye that someone was approaching him, wielding a large, unwieldy…
16. elebenty layer choklit caek wif whippy creem icing. Boy wud THAT ever make a mess… and then he realized that Condi was gripping his wrist tightly.. and the cake was getting closer… and teh Vice President was unaware of what was about to happen!
17. “Mr. Vice President! Over here! A brace of grouse!” Larry yelled. The VP spun around and fired, splattering elebenty layer cake all over evertying. “Hey!” sputtered Condi, “You got cake all over my…”
18….hundred dollar towel !!!! You have left me no choice but to declare war on your person,and said war will be fought in the beautiful state of….
19. …denial. “It’s not just a river in Egypt”, cried Condi, “It’s a party platform.” After shaking off her towel, Condi approached the VP, but Larry intervened and…
20.presented a piece of legislation that was boring and unreadable,but in the end brought an uneasy truce to the proceedings. Just then,President Dubbya burst in and said…..
21. “I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right. And that is that I believe I will have another drink. YNNSBs — champagne for everyone!” Larry took two champagne flutes, handed one to Condi, and said, …
22. oh Mr President..you have such a way with words!
Now… we need to talk. It’s a matter of national security. Or of eerless possums civil rites. Not sure which at this point.. but
23. At that point, former Defense Secretary Casper Weinberger (not to be confused with Cheezburger) interrupted and said, “Earless possums ARE a matter of national security!” Everyone nearby heard Casper’s comment, which caused their eyes to grow very wide, and they all yelled, “Casper!! A g-g-g-g-ghost!!” Mayhem ensued, but Larry, Condi, and the Pres and VP collected themselves and left with a Secret Service detachment. Outside, in the President’s limo, Larry said, “…
4. …fix a kikked bukkit? Dere iz a bery angree-lukkin lolrus owtsied. Himz wantz to speek to teh manager immeedyutlee ifnawt sooner. Himz sed if teh manager duzzint produce himz bukkit in elebenty minnitz, himz wuz gonna…
…come INsiyde and…
3. “Teh x-rays shows yoo haz yet anuther brayn tumor!”
Larry faynted ded away.
4. But of corse for poor Larry it was only a matter of time anyway, so many bonks on the head had taken their toll….
5. Hiz hed had tayken so menneh hitz that it wuz FLAT. Flat, I say. Flat lyke teh playns. Flat lyke teh landing pad fur Air Force 1. Flat lyke Twiggy. Flat lyke . . . well. Flat!
6. Did we menshun that his hed wuz FLAT!? Really flat. I mean, flat flat flat. OK, enuff on flat. And hiz nose. Dont git me started on his nose, which wuz . . .
7. Not flat. Insted, it wuz large and bulbous. Big, round, and pink. In fakt, yoo culd luk at him and wunt to yoos himz nose to . . .
8. speed shadow box. Which brings to mind his cauliflower ears…they were so…
harry an drippin wiff dandriff, that they rlly luucked lyke collie-flour…
8. take as an exampul to yer plastick surgun and say ANYTHING but this nose rite heer!! It’s ugly! Not just ugly, but fugly. Pork chop around the neck fugly. But enuf about teh fugly nose… it was his awful outfit that really took the cake!
9. The chawklit caek, that is. His Rudolph nose, his cauliflower ears, his pancake flat head, were all delicately set off by a designer outfit, Armani it appeared, of chawklit cake! In order better to appreciate this, Condy stepped….
Lol, Leeza! “Pork chop around the neck ugly”!!!!
dat’s one of our colorful southern expressions.
As in “so ugly, you have to tie a porkchop around his neck to get even the dog to come around” ? Oar wut we mite sai awn de leff coste “Tripple bagger, wun fer yoo, wun fer him/her adn wun fur the goggie”
.
Nao dat’s Fugly!
OK, so we haz istablished that himz nose wuz ugly!
Hiz nose wuz so big and ugly . . . it stuk owt lyke a sore nose!
But Larry had sekret powers. His nose wuz ackshuly a weppun uv mass destrukshun! So Larry hooked himself up to teh satellite fone, an he turned on hims speshul nose . . . And then . . .
4. … as the ceiling came into view again, slowly and painfully, Larry realized he had faintend and was laying on the floor. “Hoo knew I even had yet anoter brayne?” he wundered.
of a really old murky fairy tale he had heard from his grandmother, which scared him to death when he was a little boy; and then;
Someone said, “My friends? I thought they were your friends!”
5. … which reminded him that he had forgotten to buy some assorted chocolates for his girlfriend, Dinah. The were about to celebrate…
6. thier furst nawt sekond on ICHC…
7. in da nawty barn
8. with teh candle stik . . .
9. whyle riding teh horse, Kidney Stones.
10. Tehy waz joinut by teh firemens…
11. and Eeckthecat,who is the rightful owner of Kidney Stones(both the horse and the little pellets that cause pain beyond belief). Eeck said to the firemens “hey,wanna see my….”
12. … candlestick?”
13. It comes in a speshul box….*wink wink* but teh fyremens sed, sorry ma’am, I’m afrayd we’re on dooty tonite. Somewon called in a bomb threat frum this location. We have to…
Ai is sooo confoosed now! Don no ware to start noo stori!
Me 2!!! ROFLMAOBBQELEBENTY!!1!
I have never laffed so hard I donfinkso at ICHC!
Can u say… cluster?
Hhehehe!! But more stories means … more chances for people to participate is the way I look at it!!
Ai haz been laffin at dis since teh nawt sekkund tiem ai refreshed. Ai dunno wer to continu wut storee, so Iz gonna laff an point.
[caretroll] Ai wishes teh hoomin who tookt dis pitchur hada halped teh kitteh n’sted ov takin teh pitchur.
[/caretroll]
iz okay, alicat *patpat on sholder* i fink kitteh can help hisself, hoomin hoo tryez gets arm full ob poynty ends, ifinkso, himz gotted himself pulld most teh way arownd anyway
I can klaimb treez!!!
climin skillz, dis kitteh haz tehm
Ai lieks cluster! Ees too funy!
Ah haz nawt laffed sew muchly in way 2 lawng!! HATS AWF 2 GOOSIE FUR TEH BRILLYANT IDEEA! Adn hats awf 2 teh cheezpeeps who particypayted: Yu r teh awsum and teh talinted!!
ai am sooo lawst… mai nawt follawing teh storees – let me show yu it!
Guinness Piggeh, menny ob us were lawst, nawt to worry. It gotz awl cut up. But that wuz part of teh funneh!
FTW!!!!
Ai toadali agriiz wiv AliCat.
*VERY CARETROLL*
8,1000: Kawl Dr. Tinycat, STAT! Ai am toadali confuzzled tu!
Didzda stori eber end? Sooo meny stori an linez an stuffz. Ai getz cornfoosed eesly.
I think we’re about done. Confusion is part of the fun. Ya never know what’s gonna be next.
nope, wen i luked just now teh hiest nummber on any ob teh stories was 21, i fink.
Hey, wurd prezz ated sum uff mye commentz!
iz ok, happens to ebreewun, wp will just choo tehm up an hork tehm bak up latr.
Dat’s whut dey dun, yup, yup, yup.
WAAAAAAHHHHH !!!!!
Ai MISSED teh storree !!!!
@%&*!@# werk iz gettin to be too much…..werk !!
And interfearin wif mai cheezlife!!!
***Eeck goes awf to sulk***
(Storee be the WIN,by the way….congrats to awl contributors!!)
eeck! it’s not too late! u can jump in anytime! as a matter uv fact, i has to quit soon… and we’re onlee up to 16! I fink this will be teh biggest thred EVAR.
hay, btw, wut was the name of yer horse…? I wuz gonna put him in teh storee and had a brane blank!
Ai can’t ebben think strate enuf to add to teh storree…
Horse is “Kidney Stones”
Yes,teh cheezpeeps know how to tayke a pleh thing and maykes it funnee…
REAL kidney stones are nawt much uv a laff,tho….
Butts wuns yoo git teh giglols, it nawt EZ tew stopping!!
dat’s it! U no, I think KS has been pullin Igor’s cart.
Anyway, I iz gettin reddy to leave werk, mite as well b/c I have not got ONE thing done sinse 3 pm… cept play here, and I’ll be payin for it tomorrows!
I have a feeling u cud go home, take a nap, get up, sign on and this will STILL be going on! LOL
yoo din’t miss anyfing! tehre is abowt elebenty diffrunt vurzhuns goin, an non ob tehm iz finished! pik wun yoo like an jump rite in!!
O noes! Traincatz be l8 dis ivningh
NOTE TO ALL TEH LAYTCOMERS HOO FINKS TEHY HAZ MISSED TEH STORY AN HAZ A SAD AN DISAPOYNTMINT: az ob dis posting, tehre are bowt elebenty diffrent stories going, an teh hi-est nummber on any ob tehm iz 20!! tehre are many unfinished storees going an tehy needs yoo to finish tehm!! so jump in and still can joyn in the fun!!!
ai no cans finnish storees…as ai is not Finnish (ai r duch airish)
howeber ai has a theoree bout all teh storees and we needs a cawtyun sine…
WARNING: ALTERNATE UNIVERSES AHEAD
mai string theoree…let me shew u it…it is made ob teh many THREADS!
Alternate universes iz relavent tu mye interests.
Kittehs luv string theoree!
ANNOWNCEMENT/KWESTION
I has a note too… a serious one… could we be habbing a moment of silence tomorrows at 8:46 am? I know we is all abowt fun here, but that’s only one minnit and it seems only appropriate… ufinkso?
taht wuld be gud idea, i finkso i rebembers taht last yeer wun ob teh lols wuz closd to commints, sor ob way to haz moment ob silence. 8:46 am Eastern Time?
I wundered bowt that! I wasn’t here at this time last year. Yup, EST.
I guess if they do sumthing den dat werks too.
yes I am with you. A momemt of silence to remember our fallen comrades.
British lolcatz wil joinz u 2.
ah, a note uv seereeus amung teh joviality… seereus kittehs iz seereus…wif gud reezon.
we haz owr own momunt uv silunce and shared sad heer… it beez 8:45 AM CDT wen ebberyfing startud….(sigh)
BUT:
Hail tu teh Cheezpeeps fur wun uf teh funneest freds Ai has EBBER seen… did dis wun has moar posties den teh Balentine’s Day proposul wun? Dat wuz kewl, tu.
fanks fur teh laffs tuday! Awl Ai cood du wuz reed, yu iz awl mush funnieer den Ai cood be! Gud werk, y’all!
wut a muckin fess
*SNURT*
dat makes it fun
Repeet ob messij above:
NOTE TO ALL TEH LAYTCOMERS HOO FINKS TEHY HAZ MISSED TEH STORY AN HAZ A SAD AN DISAPOYNTMINT: az ob dis posting, tehre are bowt elebenty diffrent stories going, an teh hi-est nummber on any ob tehm iz … umm… hoo knows! teh storees seem to be breedin an multiplyin!! tehre are many unfinished storees going an tehy needs yoo to finish tehm!! so jump in and still can joyn in the fun!!!
purrhaps as a mark uv respect fur tomorrow,
onna 9 am EST pikshur, we all agreez 2 NAWT has enny comment inna nawt-sekkund minute?
.
iz prolly too late to get teh wurd owt tho.
Teh Grate Cheezburgerz in teh Skye will probablee take care of it fur us. They did last yeer. But then we dint know waht they were doing. Now we wud know.
.
It tuk a wile, but we finallee figured it out!
Wut did they do?
tehy closed wun ob teh LOLs to commints
Ha ha. Now put down that @#$@ camera and HELP ME!
Wow…. this is soo weird. I think I used to live in that house, the only difference is there used to be carpeting where the hardwood is and the rails used to be black.
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