kwalificashunz?
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kwalificashunz? Last guy didn’t haz any.
picture: US Government. lol caption: evangelinedc
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
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Cheezburger Network Blog
soe Ai doan’t 2.
Conga rats annipus an leosmom! Wud u liek drinksies an danses? Or a pollitikal appoyntment?
Ai’d prefur teh drinkses an danses thx. Ai doan’t mess wiv politix. Mai husbing yoost 2 sai “doan’t boat, it inkurijis dem” an enneewai, hooebber u boats 4, teh pollytishuns get in.
werds ub wizdum fur shur!
Lolkitteh haz more experiunz and kwalificashunz den lolbama.
lessee…it muz be intu teh ebbenun in TTI..a niez apfter dinnerz kordial?
Dat’s rite! Iz 8.15 an Ai yoshoolee haz a glass uv sumfing abowt dis tiem.
Mai siserinlau enjois a niez glas ov amontyla…amonteena…medeum dri sherry.
Ai yoost 2 drink dat, but naow Ai prefur red whine oar beer.
Hau abaut a littel glas ov dis niez Chilean Shiraz?
*pores sum rubee-red whine inna glas and holdz it aut to annipus*
An awl be happee to sit hier an lissen tu u whine.
Thx fur teh glass uv whine, Ai doan’t fink Ai need to wine at teh momint tho!
Tuff. I heerby appoynt Annipuss to teh pozishun ob Speaker ob teh Cheezburger Order, adn Eeter ob teh Noms.
Oh, but annipuss, we has many eggsiting politimicle positions available!
Like…
Ambassador to Translolvania
Bureau Chief, Bureau of Bureaus
Chief of Protolols
Deputy Assistant Undersecretary to teh Assistant Deputy Window Warsher
E…
executive assistent in chaerg uv assistents
Financial Fraud Fasillitator
General Messer-Upper
H….
Human Resource Outsourcing Secretary
Interim Intelligence Icon
Janitor Of Judicial Jurisdictions
Klingon Empire Liaison
Liaison tew teh Liaisons Of teh Lolrus
M…
Minister wifout Portfolio. Or pants.
Night Manager, 7-Elebenty of Congress
Official De-Briefer
P…
duz teh Official De-Briefer werk for teh Minister wifout Portfolio. Or pants?
No, they is in completely different branches of teh gummint, with completely different terms and mostly overlapping duties. So they aren’t allowed to even be in teh same city at teh same time.
Gummint dysfunction, let them show u it.
maeks perfekt sense.
Yu need tu consult James Hacker, administrator ob teh department ob administratib affairs, adn hiz cheef brayn surgeon Sir Humphrey Applebey.
ai can has brayn?
oooooohhhh Yes Minister ref !!!!!!!! ( an Yes Prime Minister tew )
ai lobbz doze showz…….berry berry clebber, dose riturz….
hey salleh! Wutts the dill, pickle?
Maus Marauder ob Mesopotamia
Nom Nibbler ob teh Department ob Nommables (McDonalds iz delt wib in teh Department ob Cardboard Recycling)
Offishal Oggler ob Oceana
P…
Petty officer uv official pettiness
Quarter Masta of Qwarrentines
Registrawwrrr of Resignation Registration
Supra Intendent of Surplus Soups & Sauces
T…
Translator of trivial transmissions
Underwriter of Underware
Vice president of verifications
W…
Witnis for Jujing Jujes
Xekutib Bukkit Serplus Serplies
Yoda Imatashuns Suprvisr
Zig-zaggler Intrpritr
Thx fur awl teh posishuns u aer offrin me, but mai favrit posishun iz flat on mai bed, sleapin!
No, sry. Vice President posishun if teh filled.
*snert*
bai whu?
whenebber ai tinks of politicalities, ai needs a drinkie. How bout a white Russian? or a lon giland ice tea? or a Manhattan? or a Cuba Libre? or a Cape Cod?
Annyfing az long az it’s eenuff 2 maek me fergit abowt pollytix!
Hab yu eber tried teh scottish/Orkney beer cawled “Skull Crusher”?
Dat sowndz a bit strawng – Ai yooshuly stikk 2 sumfing abowt 4.5 -5% abv mai favrit iz a Kentish brewed bitter cawled Spitfire, but Ai liek moast bitter beers.
bitter beer!!1! I vote for taht!
2 b tryin Stoudt’s Double IPA!
Hi BamaHern! How beez u lately?
A Singapor Sling? Sum Canadien Klub?
Corona? Scotch?
We yoost 2 hab a drink comapany cawled Corona in TTI – dey maed fizzy soft drinks, moastly brite cullered artifishul flavr ober sweet stuff.
Corona beer iz frum Mekzico. iz nawt bad. ai’m nawt a rele beer drikner.
Thx Gma, Ai didn’t fink it cud be teh saem. Ai fink Ai haz seen dat beer in a supermarkit heer
aid dont need no stinkin qualifications
GMTA, leosmom!
We downt need no edumacashun
We downt need no cheez control
Noe dark gog-gie toys in da basement
Hooman! Leeb dem ‘nips alown!
Hey! Hooman! Leeb dem ‘nips alown!
Awl in awl, iz just a-nubber fish in da hall.
Awl in awl, iz just a-nubber fish in da hall.
yay!!!!!! JD! *floofy paws clappin foooriusly*
encore, encore!!!
Prize fore furst purrson to guess teh orijinal song on dis wun:
Nommer kitteh, noms in wib teh cheez,
Basement cat beside him,
Basement cat’s hiz frend, nawt guud at awl
Can yu, can yu hear it, can yu hear teh purring
Nomming every nomable around
Ca yu, can yu see it, can yu
See teh gushifuud quiver yonder
Blak paw rising, time iz running owt
.
Sakrifis yore noms ore die by teh paw ob teh
Kitteh!
Kitteh!
Kitteh!
Kitteh!
Judas Priest FTW!
Adn yu win theze elebenty super delux extra-extra-large-n-cheezy cheezburgers wib catnip sawce.
mmmmm…..catnip sawce! heres a qwestshun ai wunnerd abawt fur a lawng tiem….hau coms der iznt a maus-falvrd gushifud?
Oar lizard…oar crickett? Ai wunderd too.
*wunderz tu self “crickett flavr? an ai thot AI had strangz ideas!*
Kittehz luvz deh bugz.
I had wun dat wud katch adn eeting deh Junebugz.
KRUNCH KRUNCH KRUNCH
If yew seez deez in July, iz dey “Julybugz?”
*SNORTLE*
Dunno, but iffen yu see them on April 1st, dey’re Foolish Bugs.
*snurts @ Foolish Bugs*
Crickett iz nawt the straynjest flavr mai kittehs crave. In adishun tu normal flavrs like bird, mai kittehs wuld lub gushifud dat wuz falvrd by toe jam, ear wax oar nose nuggetz.
.
But ai doan want N-E-wun to noe dat.
.
Not to worries. We’ll edit that out before teh lolcast.
doant kum to yootah in teh summr tehn- we has choklit cuvvered crikkets onner ise kreems (ai persunallee think iz just a torist gimmikk- letz feed teh torists stuff we wud onlee eet iffn we wuz starvin).
Hoo noes whut a maus tasteses liek?
Oar a lizzerd, crickitt, etc.?? Ai wood nawt want to be teh food taster fur dose flavers!
Ai noez teh antz is bery bery spy-see. Eeted dem by axident wunse wen ai was yung. Dey had gotten insied teh Jolly Rancher wrapper, which was opayk. Ai wuz nawt in teh habit uv inspektin kandee ai had jus opened befoar stikkin it in my mowf. PLEH PLEH PLEH PLEH PLEH.
Heer lizurz iz just toiz, nawt fud . ai fink maibe we etez crkitz.
Dat iz straynge. In England, they uzed tew sell hedgehog-flavur potato chips (iffen yu check my pics, yu’ll see teh imaj dat inspired dat). Iffen they can mayk dat flavour for hoomins, dey shud bbe abul to mayk maus-flavour gushifuud. Beetuls — well, doze aer alreddy uzed in many hoomin red fuud colourings. Iffen yu eet red-dyed fuud, yu’re probably eeting Mexican bugs. Dey shud be abul tu add dat tu gushifuud too.
.
I downt noe iffen yu can mayk kerotin, teh stuff bug shells aer made ob, but iffen yu can, den gushi kitteh treets in kerotin cases wud be just lyke bugs az treets.
Mai Peaches luvs enny fud dat Ai eat. Popcorn, crackers, she eben tried caruts liek she wuz bunneh. She thot caruts pleh, doh. Corse, favrit is chickee or toona. An she dosnt meow…haz odd litle grunt noyse…sort of goat-liek wen shes hungrreee, wich iz alwaz.
ai fink if sumbuddee finkz ub a wai tu melt finnernalez we can du. Fink ub resykling awl doze klipingz.
Fileeep, ar yu lisning?
recycled finnernale klippingz???
arent those yoosed in luv poshuns?
Teh hedgehog flavr wuz a joek – teh crisps waz reelee beaf flavr.
mmmmm…dat’s teh bestest fing ai’v heerd awl dai!!
A winnar iz u!
ok… now THIS was funny.
Nice Pink Floyd ref FTW!!
and look where that got us
ooo krelm!! kewl abatar!!!
I hazn’t noticed u heer b4. U b noo?? Welkum 2 deh Cheezland.
Wii b hazzing lotza funz heer. U kum play sum mor??
*Handz krelm chokklit martoonee*
*klinkee glasses*
Cheez!!
ohai cween, iz not bery nu, ben lurkin behind taht tree right over dere. finaly got up nerb to come out. COME OUT AND PLAY that is
Wii b glad u b owt frum bhind deh tree.
* Gibz krelm gentle hed bonk adn sitz bai krelm in sunbeam. *
has sum sunskreen, yu duznt want to get burnded.
wii dun need no stinkin kwalificashuns!
YAY!! u gotted deh linkee adn deh abatar!!
.
Axully, i b thinking datz deh prollum…. tuu menne poly tishunz haz deh
STINKIN kwalifikashunz!!! I wud like 2 b seeing wun wif GUD kwalifikashunz!
LCB dyag…diacknoz…her figgerd awt whut mai problum wuz an it meedeeatly fixeded it. ai new ai had teh abatar an teh bloo naym, but it wuldn’t let meh post. yay fur LCB!
Yew myte bee rite bout teh stinkin kwalifikashunz. wii needz tew fynd poly-tishuns wif fresher wuns!
ore sum odor eeters….
Ai trai LCB’z fingie nd just getz error mesij.
noar du mos of deh folks in teh pool!
Dat’s coz dey’re fish. I thynk we shud send in deh kittehs tu clean teh pool out, eerr, up.
but teh kittehs has tu be kareful nawt to nom dem pollitikal fishez cuz mos of dem be poysonous tipes!
How else are teh fishez goin tu git nom-n-ated tu uh politikal position?
gud one!
“Nom-n-ated” iz a cojoined wurd wich explaynz vgersmom’s qweschun. Nom iz obvious. -n- is and. “ated” iz short fore “marinated”, which iz were yu add teh antidowt tu teh poyson.
wii needz dat kitteh frum teh last piccie tew feesh teh pool an git rid ov teh carp!
carp is nawt fish, is breething trash maskerading as feesh to survive lawnger. – iz sum form uv camaflagging.
Socks? Iz dat U ????
*kitteh on podium coughs.* Naw. Socks is my American cuzzin. I’m sekritly from TTI adn wanted to seez cowntrol.
lawng liev teh kween?
Ai fur wun welcum awr new TTI ohberlords.
yay! itz abowt time those peeps got bak to rooling us… sey, pass teh curree wile yer at it.
“We must protect our phoney-baloney jobs, gentlemen!”
HARUMPH!
“You, over there, i didn’t get a HARRUMPH outta you…”
oar: “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room.”
rite, that meens we needs to bild a noo an improoved gim that nobuddee will yooze ecksept fore teh topsekrit mudwrestling sekretarees.
Ingerlish joak:- Q. Which sied iz teh War Offis on? A. Owerz, Ai hoap.
Blazing Saddles ref.
“Harumph.”
Politiks iz nawt black oar white…oops…guess I doan qualify eeber.
hmmmm…, i wunner ifn teh speshul shampooo frm teh DrTinyvet will help git rid ov teh poli-ticks. dey makes meh itchee
Poly-ticks, huh? Dat mean manee blud suckerz, right? Dat akshully maiks sense.
Yep, i finkso. sukkin all teh bluds an trinkin teh gravy (frm teh gravy-train – u c?)
It cud meen lawts ob things inbolbing bludsuckers (many-faced, many-relashunshipped), awl ob wich apply purrfectly.
Poly = Many
Tick = Instant as in a clock (Politicians waste uh lot ob time)
Tick = Mark as in a list (Politicians often write yoo awf)
Tick + Off (Yeah, politicians make meh real mad)
Tick = Credit (This wun doez nawt wurk. Politicians kin nawt be trusted)
Tick = Nervous (Politician gib dem tu meh)
Poly can awlsew meen Parrot, wich itself can meen tu repeat endlessly wibowt sense or purpose.
Dats an insult tu parrots. I hab uh bloo and gold Macaw poly (Tiki), and her repetishun iz nawt az randum az yoo wuld fink, and sirtanlee nawt az randum az uh politishun’s.
mai hubbikat’s grate grate granfadder wuz a sea kaptin an had a parrot dat kursed liek teh proberv…provber…liek teh sayler dey tawk abaut…but on Sundae it onlee sayd teh Lawd’s Prayr.
Me: Tiki? Tiki: Wut?
Me: Are yoo hungree? Tiki: Hot?
Me: Wut do yu do when itz hawt? Tiki: Blow.
Me: Iz it gud? Tiki: Mmmmm.
Me: Ai made it jes fur yoo. Tiki: Ai noticed. (never said before)
(Cover over cage)
Tiki: Peekaboo. Me: What do you want?
Tiki: Owt. Me: Later.
(Pause)
Tiki: Screech! Me: Quiet!
Tiki: Shhhh!
(Mumbling)
Tiki: Stop it!
(Pause)
Tiki: Ai lub yoo Me: OK, yoo can come owt.
Tiki: Kiss sound
Hab yu seen teh story ob Alex teh African Grey Parrot? (He new hundreds ob wurds, understood grammar, cud do arithmetic, diffrenshiate objects, inbented zero, adn is sed tu hab been teh smartest parrot eber.)
Inbented zero?!? Ai fot Al wuz short fur Albert, nawt Alex. And, I didn’t know Mr. Gore wuz a parrot, tho ai new he wuz bird bwained. Sew…in adishun tu the Intertubes heez trying to claim credit fur teh big awt, huh?
Nao doan B rood–Alex teh Pair rot wuz smartiier tahn Al Gore. Nawt shure himz wuz teh smartiist pair rot ebber, tho, jes teh own lee pare rot taht wii ebber bovverd 2 tawk 2berry mush.
aaaaawwwwwww…..datz a smaurt burd yew gotz der……ai hav alluz lobbed doze big parrorty kine ov burds…..but ai alsew allus lobbed teh kittehz…….
kittehz & burdz= NO GETZ AWAI FRUM DAT CAGE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yew hav ov corse deen diz guy hhuh????
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rfGEtALHYs&feature=related
.
He’s preddy impressive….
Oh yes. Afrikan Greys are berry smart. Wut dis video duz nawt really illustrate iz wut JD pointed owt. They unnerstand grammar and can differenshiate. Iz nawt just a lerned response.
.
Teh funnest part ob habin uh tawkin bird iz wen day lern uh wurd awl awn their own and den use it in a proper context awl ob uh sudden.
Moar! Moar dialog frum u n Tiki!
Ya, wut she sed.
Much bedder dan campayne speechez.
Me: *Comez in teh doar* Tiki: HAI!!!!!!!!
Me: Hi Tiki. Tiki: Owt!
Me: Later. Tiki: Awwwww.
Kitteh: *Walks by cage* Tiki: RUFF!
Kitteh: *Jumps* Tiki: *Snickers*
Me: That wuz funny. Tiki: Ha ha ha.
Me: Tiki. Tiki: Wazzup?
Me: Want tu watch Bloo Man Group? Tiki: *Dances back and forth*
Me: OK, I’ll put it awn. Tiki: Kiss Kiss.
(Now on her perch)
Tiki: *poops* Me: What’s that?
Tiki: Yuck! Me: Wut am I supposed to do wit dat?
Tiki: Here kitteh kitteh. Me: Very funny.
Tiki: Bob Me: Wut Tiki?
Tiki: Shhhh Me: OK I’ll turn it up.
Tiki: *Dances back and forth*
I ♥ Tiki!!
Mii 2!! Fanks nca66!
Pics ob Tiki noa awn mai profile.
Don fergit, “tick” is also blud-suckin arachnid!
Clever…
But what about TICK?
hao iz it dat wii neber befoar seed dat poly-ticks iz teh PURRfect naym fur whut teh poly-ticians dew?? Afri-cat, yew haz much teh WIN!!!!!wun!!11!ELEBENTY!!1
U has tu tranzlaet in2 cheezspeek tu get teh troo meening.
Dat iz bekawz Kittehz aer Enlightened, Awl Wize beingz wu noe Da Truuf. When Mulder sed dat Teh Truuf iz Owt Dere, he woz tawking abowt teh stray kittehs adn ferral kittehs wu noe teh Answers tu awl qweschuns, particularly those inbolbing noms, cheez adn guud eateries.
an teh riters left it owt uv teh sho bekuz they were afrade uv bad ratings byai awl those goggee peeples.
Bring Socks back to the White House!
Oh wait . . . too late.
Teh las wun had noe kwalificayshuns, AND noe brayne. Datz NAWT a gud combinayshun.
but he hab te grate smirk!
Teh trubble iz, ennywun clebber eenuff 2 do teh job iz 2 wyze 2 run fur it
ai sayz wii immeedeeatli diskwalufai newun dat runs awn teh bases ov dey iz dum enuff tew WANT teh job!
Ur jus a font uv wisdum 2dae! U nayled teh troof!
It’z juss dat Ai iz owld an sinicul – Ai haz libbed throo awl sorts uv pollytishuns an dey awl promis teh erth, den wen dey get elektid dey duz jus teh saem as teh wunz b4.
*nodz hed*
yup, yup, yup.
Datz it in a nutshell.
.
.
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kud wii putz deh politishunz in deh nutshell?
Oar mebbe deh nut howse??
Oanlee iffin dey gibs teh fundin…. wich nawt gonna happen.
but wif badder harekuts and moar atroshus acksents.
Nd den derez da kwene. Yu cant getz rid ub hur eben if ebreebuddee wantz tu.
I haz a sad.
Noooooo! We kint beez gettin rid uv cweenmj!!! She is full of teh win an teh awsumness!
ai haz come to conclusion that teh system we haz forses us to hab “politicians”, NAWT “leaders”.
Can we haz a catperson prez again?
maibe dat shud be a rekwired kwalificayshun!
write-in for Eartha Kitt…?
OH! I would so vote for her. First totally sexy president EVAH
Mrrroow!
i bote furr yew, kitteh eben dough you on da Lolbertarian Tikket & onlee fink you needz gubment furr kollectin texas to buyz teh toonas is to kontrol teh badgoggees?
wundur hoo teh running maet will be tew inkrwees voater base?
mebee…
Alsashun Gore fur teh goggiee enbiron mentalists
Ben & Jerry fur da derry in dust tree
Clark Kent/Souper Man
(the) Donald, for the combover vote
Elmer Fudd for te wabbit hunters
Foo Fighters cause it’s fun to say
Great Dane fur the Danish vote (PUN partie:pastries unite:nomoarhalfbakedideeyahs)
Henry Kiss N. Germ
Incredibles, cuz you can’t haz too mini souper heeroze
J…
Jonn Jonnz – we need more souper heroze
Kip Winger – has my vote
Lynda Carter – we need Wonder Woman
M…
OH, SNAP!! Take dat Bush. Wait, Kitteh is teh black AN white, is Kitteh playin’ teh race card?
probly onli in teh race tu get tu teh gushifud bowl.
Witch wun??
Deh blak kard oar deh wite kard?
Teh one that goes VROOOOOMMMM!
do yu think if we goze to teh vet we kan get in teh magazeens fore anuther week?
Weer Teegra & Bunneh an wee liek teh BOOM!
Wait! Aren ther a wholebuncha othr cards in da dehck?
Oh. Rupurrt Murdoc jes played anothr won.
The “is TOO THINK” card…..
Dats one uf dem, rite?
obama has less. snerk.
Is taht teh Secatary of Teh Fence?
No qualifications? MBA at Harvard, served in National Guard, governor of Texas…
ACCUSATION FAIL.
phooey. is funny.
Nun uv wich himz did well.
STN
liten up, dis hoomer site! you know, funy.
Not funny when not true. Caption failed.
*yawn* you make kitteh sleepi. G’nite!
“Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again” LOL
Obama has even less experience than this kitty!
Ai prawmiss a fishee in ebery bole, at leest wun litterbocks purr howse, an a JAGUAR in ebbery dryvewai!
an a bukkit for ebery walrus
ohai rhsb! ai wud bote fur u!
cool! ai vote fore yu! kan ai be teh sekretaree uv agriculture? dey iz ackshullee teh tawp sekrit forses (teh FBI iz just a kuvver storee)
Hay guise, I finded this in teh Top5 Pets archives:
http://www.littlefivers.com/pets/signs-your-pet-is-running-for-president/
(REMINDER: If’n u would like to write 4 Top5 Pets, call me up at lolcatburglar at gmail dot com for moar informashuns.)
Oooh! and I forgetted this one, our vry first list! *sniff* I has a nostalgic.
http://www.littlefivers.com/pets/reasons-cats-dont-go-into-politics/
Ai wuld totallee vohts fur u, kitteh…u iz bawnd 2 b bettur dan dos 2 guys runnin nao…
An alot smartur, 2!
just what this site needs. politician bashing. we here for good natured creativity and humour. Not see why innocent fun has to be trashed-up with this crap. leave it to the kittehs ppl
ORLY?
I want to vote for your cute little furry face.
“I once had katnip, but I didn’t inhale.”
Saem lojik shud cinvins yew nawt tew elect blak an wite kitteh eethur.
Id like to see some McCain supporting lolcats… or Bob Barr… all the Bush-bashing and pro-obama support in the lolcats and lolpolitics gets old really quick.
Feel free 2 making awl deh mccain supporting lolcatz u want adn submitting dem. oar just skip over dis lolpik if u daont b liking it. Dere b plentee uzzer lolcatz 2 lukking at.
http://www.mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=1275601
Hoo wudda thunk yu cud bii sew wyked, Jamama
heh, heh, heh!!! yew jus nebber noes, do yew???
SAWKX FUR PREZ AN HAPPY CAT FUR PREZ, TEW — TEHY CAN HAZ CATULITION GUMMIT.
AMEN to dat!
amen to CAT
Kitteh, ebbereeboddee shud bees az kwalifyed az yuu ar:
Yuu bees: smaurt, lolyal, luuveing, faithfull, sweete, funneh, kyuoote, honest, adn troo; ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Kitteh awlreddy haz tehse kwalifycashuns; peeps kan oanley try!!!!!!
Bush is Dumb! Yawn….
Go back to Pundit Kitchen where you belong and let the kitties play!
Keep the politics in Pundit Kitchen !
Iz Sox?
Kwalifikashuns last gai had nawt, but eether of next gaiz duzent has neether.
If at first you don’t succeed….
… you’re pretty much screwed.
Ai blew up dah pweseedent. tee hee
Ai’m abowt t blew up werd press.
New onez not mutch bettr. We r scewd!
Typical.
Dis politikal kitteh wuld be more bedder prezident dan da Bushie dood. Vote for Kitteh 08!!!!!
Yuz rite. Teh Clinston haz no kwalificashunz. He da last guy.
Da Dems 0wns demselvs wiv dis pic! lulz!
The current guy has way more qualifications than the “man” I’m afraid will be next.
kwalificashunz?
New guy haz none. I iz much gudder.
Sad news
The kitteh in this picture is named Socks, he died today at age 18. He was the Clinton’s cat.
RIP, Former First Kitty Socks.
We know you have crossed the rainbow bridge to kitty heaven. Enjoy the catnip, milk, and all the tuna you can eat!