oh mai!

oh mai!
kitteh nawt happee wif wut she c.
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: pinkyandshmoo
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oh mai!
kitteh nawt happee wif wut she c.
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: pinkyandshmoo
Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.

Lolions an tyggers an bears!!
FTW!
If I were King of the Forest, Not queen, not duke, not prince.
My regal robes of the forest, would be satin, not cotton, not chintz…
I’d command each thing, be it fish or fowl.
With a woof and a woof and a royal growl!
WOOF
As I’d click my heel, all the trees would kneel.
And the mountains bow and the bulls kowtow.
And the sparrow would take wing – ‘f I – ‘f I – were King!
Your Majesty, If you were King of the Forest, you wouldn’t be afraid of anything?
NOT nobody, NOT nohow!
S’posin’ you met an elephant?
**cannot…. resist…**
ARG!
*sings*
I’d rap him up in cellolphant!!
an injun oar an afreekun l e funt???
I don’t know-
AAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhaaaaa………
It’s good to see that someone else around here can’t leave a punchline just lying around
Shave and a haircut-
*Crashes through the wall*
Twoooooo Bitsssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!1
hee… just liek I imajined it!
GRATE Roger Rabbit impresshun Maus!
**golf clap**
Hay.. is it rabbit seesun?
DUCK SEASON!
cute
Each rabbit would show respect to me. The chipmunks genuflect to me.
Though my tail would lash, I would show compash–
To Every Underliiiiiing!
If I………
If Iyyyyyyyyyyyyy……
… were Ki-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-nnnnnng!
* * ** ** ** ** ** ** **
(distant thunderous sound ov flooffee paws clapping_
Bravi!!!! BRAVI A TUTTI !!
oh eye sai!!!
well dun yew lawt!!
rarver… wot!?
splendyd an awl taht…..
oh luk dawtz……………………………..
what she said!
hey Gibbocat… duz u has flowerpot crowns in the bak room uv teh tybooteek?
shoor!! didjew wont teh wunz wif sheeba and pawbatee oar bishnu an brawma rglur styul?
am dem tew M bellysh yur seelin 4 seelin cat oar az dekkyraytiv lyt fixinz??
oh, I wuz just thinkin it wud be fund to ware the flowerpots liek the lyon did when he sunged teh song..
and maybee a frow rug cape 2?
Yes! Nicely did!
Can I just add that “Teh Genuflecting Chipmonks” would be a excellent name for a rock band?
Butt. . .wadda baut “Colonel Rooney an teh Pregnant Soljers???”
I would think that teh preganent soljers would has trouble genuflecting.
and they keep using their bayonettes to roste marshmellows.
oh, ai needs to dew taht agin swoon… havvent roosted smarchmellows 4 ebber!!! Yummzz…
I haza kong fesshun- inmai haus wii hasda gassystove-
an, an, an (oooh dis is so BAD!) ok, here goes- big breff-
aniusetahroastdamarshymallowsoberdagasburneronnafork!
(hangin mai hed in shame- but peekin up at u guize just a liddle)
whew! okai
(WHISPERS): plz to nawt senin da care trolls
an daz bad haw ezzaklee?
sownz liek da fun tu meh!
I think it was because teh top of her tent kept getting ripped up by teh ventilator fan on toppa teh stove.
Derez nuffin rong wif toastin teh marsheemallowz ober teh gas flaem! At leest ai hoepz derez nuffin rong wif it.
Ai yoosta yooz teh skewerz frum fondoo setz to toast dem tho – nawt forks.
Nope, nawt atoll.
Kandulz wrk 2.
nom.
As a stick or as a fire source?
Az teh styck ov cors, teh wick’d
weech splyd teh fyre sorse!
Dear Sparkysmom, Caretroll roasts marshmallows over the gas stove too, not to worry!
Concatumalashuns, PwndedBy2Kitteh; wut kynde ov drinkee adn dans yuu wunt?
Wutebber yuur liddel ♥ deesires!!!
Hoo Boi; adn Maus, Janet, and Leeza-b az wel;
Wutebber awl yuur liddel ♥♥♥’s deesires!!!! (ennyboddee else nawt sekund??)
I fink wii needz to aks Maus, leeza-b an Janet wuht dey wuld liek, too, sinz wii can has a macramae!
.
So, gud peeps, wuht fer teh affernoon partee wuld wii liek??
.
I fink sum rootbeer flotes wuld be wunnerful, maiself
Oh yes!!! it iz kiwte hawt an hewmid heer! Rootbeer flotes!! yay!!!
An WAHT a prittee macrame we have heer! (ai say wif awl doo modestee)
OK. Here we go:
1/2 oz vodka
1/2 oz Galliano
1/2 oz light cream
4 oz Coca-Cola
1 1/2 oz whipped cream
Pour vodka, Galliano, and light cream into a collins glass filled with ice cubes and stir well. Fill with cola, stir lightly, top with whipped cream, and serve.
ooh, fanks Maus! yoo has a grate rb flote recipe!
.
*takes collins glass from Maus*
*sips genteelly*
.
YUUUUUUMMMM!!!!!
.
*descreetlee wipes wippy creem from nose*
***SLLUUUURRRRPP***
***luks up wif rootbier mustash***
now THAT’s the kind uv root biers I lieks!
*hic*
the kind maed wif cocacola nsted ob root bierz?
the kind made wif fresh whippy creem!
Ackshully the combinashun wif teh Galliano givs a root beery flavr to it. We used to do a flamin root bier shooter wif similar ingreedients when I wuz yung enuf not to care how I felt teh next day…
Go on. It was just last week, wasn’t it? Hmmm?
yr just axing fr teh maus to getz out teh zippo wif teh menshun ob a flamin root bier shooter…
oh hai Maus! Sumbodee fings yoo needs to git owt teh Zippo…..
.
*wanders orf to play fetch wif teh nawt-so-liddel kitteh*
liddul kitteh likz off remainin whippy creem moostash frum PB2K’s face.
wut wuz I thinking???
Sshh…. maybee Maus wont notiss….
Oh and btw LCB, reely, I has mooved on to teh jello shooters thees days..
Zippo… Zippo… Must… Resist… Must… Resist…
*BZZZZZZZZZTT!!!!!!*
*KerSNAP!!!*
*SmokeSmokeSmoke*
*The Maus shell falls away and reveals*
*Data!*
Apologies to all. I am having a bit of trouble with my Emotion Chip. Perhaps I could borrow a dongle from Ms. O’Spockn?
ohai, Cmdr. Data! Ms. O’Spockn is Haydn in teh muse ik styoudio. Praps you’d like me to go fetch her?
Yes, that would be nice. Tell her I also have a few other things on my Liszt…
Oh Dear! We seem to be having some Multiple Personality Continuum Interface problems. Please hurry!
Ra-ther, old chap. Get on with it!
Wait… what? Where’s ma horse?
I’m riding it, you stupid oaf! Move over! It’s getting crowded in here!
Duz that meen there are TWO uv yoo wif Zippos??

**Luks arownd for oh cwud, those auntie flammabul knickers.. wut were tehy called?**
Gentlemen! Gentlemen! We must hang together!
Uh, FIVE??
FRU (Fyre Reetardaunt K-nikkers)
SIX??
**Waytes for Sybil to show up…**
Five?
BWAhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaCoughHack…
Um… So far…
THAT’S IT!
**Kwick liek a bunnie thros on the FRUs!**
Whew!
Actually, Maus, they are Fire Retardant Underwear…
Shut Pinocchio! When I want you to talk, I’ll ask…
*peeks around corner, not sure wetter iz saef to enterz*
**passes MaryO a pare of FRU’s, just in case**
*En Masse*
Oh Hai MaryO! We can has wun ob yer dongles? Kthxbai!
*passes teh dongle round teh corner, keepin saef distanz*
here ya goez, guyz…
*En Masse*
Fanks!
*Exeunt Omnes, into The Maus Hole*
wellz, dat wuz weird. mebbee wee shudz giv ‘m t’other wun, two?
i’m widju.
*tosses t’otter wun doon teh mausie hole*
***ominuss rumble frum epicentre ob maus hole****
What hav yoo dun wif teh sweet Mais Oui???
who? (only kiddin) seh mus be habin a bi-lolar moment!
bilolar- hee.
.
nawt to wurrees- we jest returned teh dongulz bak to teh ritesful ownerz. no harm dun. i duzn’t no nuffin bout donguls.
nope.
.
nada.
.
dey iz in no danjur atoll frum doze dongulz i gived bak.
*happy again* So!! The three ov yoo ar bak togedder again??? Awl iz az it wzs. The tremor in teh force – wuz just a tremor???? *beeg sigh ov releef*
Oh!! Taht soundz gud too! But HAO do yoo measure aut 1 1/2 oz whippee creem??
OCD!
Sry. Taht’s not helpful. How about “a nice plop of whippy creems”? Or just ask teh skwirrlz. Tehy maded it.
Ooooohh…it’az abowt 5 heeping spoonfuls (in mai wurld!)
mebbee datz teh amount before itz whippyed?
Den it wud be 10 heeping spoonfuls!!
zownds bout rite to mee…
Contemplative Kitty is Contemplating…
But nawt heez nabel
onlee orinj kitteh do that
Ok, this is teh spooky. Just this morning I noticed Liam’s little navel for teh first time while was all stretched out on his back waiting to attack my foot. While we play-wrestled a little I kept axing him “Who has a cute little navel? Who?”
And Liam is orinj.
Rod Serling, teh white fone, plz.
deedodeedodeedodeedodeedodeedo…….
U has enterred… the ICHC Zoan.
In this episode… LCB compentlates her navel orinj…..
*Wipes navel orinj juice from chin*
Wait, whut? Oh, sry. I didn’t knoes I wasn’t sposed to eet that.
…den realizes dat -
- her glasses are borked
- it wuz awl a NASA xperimint
- tho she appeered to be beutimus,she wuz teh “ugly” one
- teh doll iz eeeeebbilll !!!
(nawt in anee wai suggesting dat LCB iz ugly)
(Mai obsesshun wif TZ marathons…ai wyl shows u it!)
Adn doo nawt fergret the airy-oh-playne enjin kowling iz awl torn’d apart.
Adn teh littul gaiz frum spayce whut werr atakkin Angnes Moarhedd wuz reely frum urf, adn sheh wuz teh giant…
…Ahn it wuz just a dreem dat teh earth wuz muvin kloser to teh sun,wen it wuz reely muvin awai….
…ahnd teh camera cud tell teh fyutur….
*luks shokked*
Kittehs has navels?
???????????
*falls over on flor, shokked shokked shokked*
Oh, gremlin. U and ur *dramatic musical sting* histrionics.
But yeah, they has little bitty navels. Looks like a teeny tiny little bald spot in teh middle of their belly floof.
Ai wuns red a storee bout a masheen taht went sillee an endid up contemplaytin its camstud
*holds hed up, luks at LCB*
Navel histrionics? Whut, yoo has sunk mah battlesheep?
I had a kitteh fur 17 yeers an I NEVER SAW HIS NAVEL!
Mebbe he diddn has wun? *ponders* Wahl, he wuz orinj. Mebbe he wuz wun uv those seedless, navel-less orinjes.
When my little bother and I usedta play Battlesheeps when we was kiddens and he sinked one of my ships, I’d always say “Oh noes!!1! There was elbenty fourteen kittens on that ship! And they was going to visit their mommeh!”
Ai tellz mai kitteh taht is teh law in SimCity for ebry haws to hab a kitteh. She bleeves me.
Teh onlee mammelz taht dint haz nabel woz adm’n'eev
Did adm’n'eev haz a kitteh? An orinj wun? Hmm?
A kitteh in teh garden uv eden, nao therby hangz a tayl . . .
coz navul am teh orinj an tehy ownlee haz appulz!!1
Kitteh in teh garden uv eden sez:
OK, teh appulz is fien an awl but . . .
I can haz cheezburger?
Is that whare teh Jimmy All-U-Can-Eat-Buffet gots teh idear for “Cheezburger in Paradise”?
Whut abaot teh duck billed platypusses?
Dey had awl kindz uv teh aminulz tehr evva woz, soe tehy musta haz kittehs
iz nawt mammul. iz….sumfin elze. big wurd. monotreme? sumfin liek dat.
Antidisestablishmentarianorganism?
Ai cant beleef waht yoo ar doing!!
dont choo yr poyntee endz kitteh!
An den she sed whut????
I ar intrigued
by these lolkittehs
mawm can I be on ICHC someday?
Yesh….iffin u growz up to be kyoot & punny & taykes a gud piktur!
mawm is happy cat mah fathuh?
eSHPESHulee teh “punny” part…
OMG! Put sum pantses on!
and covver that noodley appendage!!
Wut siez noodul? Manicotti? Ziti? Capellini?
LOL!!! Capellini!??? ROFL!!!! *snerk* o mai!
Orzo.
*snert*
leeza-b!!! Yoo ar . . .yoo ar a Pastafarian????
I haz always had Pastafarian leanings… and big pirate lover too! Wuz hard tryin to figyur owt where CC fit in!
As far as noodle size… Maus, I estimates ur size at 3 1/2.
Meters?
Iz that IRL size or cheezsize?
3 1/2??? wut, orzos????
Nawt 3.14159… ?
Nom, want pi.
4 wai tie. Congrutalamashuns evry wun.
Awl hav wun an’ awl shall hav prizuz. Drinkses, danses and cheezburgers all round! An’ all skware. An’ all triangle.
I can’t believe what kittens are wearing in public theez dayz.
all mai childrun perticuloly gud today!!
Ai fink ai haz dat sayme couch!!
(Nawt sayme kitteh,tho)
Is yer couch ironic too?
yng’s are ironic!!!
no, yng’s ar ironING, Jamamakitty!!
ohai, Ai getz IM frum yng yesdi. Nebbur getz IM frum ennybuddee ai noze. Sez”yngmysogx1″ duz dat maik enny sens tu ennybuddee heer? Ai wantd tu sai “getz yurself obur heer nd du mai ironing nd wen yur dun clene da haose” but fawt it mite nawt be a gud idih. Yu noze” donut tok tu stranjurz”
No…iz catatonic,tho……
Plz tell moar, u’r storree iz jaz phashinatin
itty bitty therpist kitteh
chawjiz bai teh kitteh minnit – elebenty chzbrgrz!!!1
therrapist kitteh saiz – yew doan pay yew doan get beddur!
keeps nodin hed saiz um hmm ah ha yez yez an wut do yooz fink taht meenz?but jes reely onlee finkin bout gittin dem chzbrgrz ta nom
am yew kaztin nasturshumz @ teh kwilitee therrypee purvydid bai teh kyewt kitteh??
y – juss himz purrin alown am E nuff 2 kewur awl yur prollimz!!!1
SOOOO troo. Ai will just sit heer an lissen to Barney!! Oar Fin. Tehy both hav nice bee purrrrrrrrzzzz. an *poof* Problims be gone!!
hai jannit. am dem kittehz steel teechin yew hao 2 wek yur pewtur??
If awnlee ai noo teh sekrit to teh rite combinashusns!
Ai mite be forced to reed teh instrukshuns!!
noes nvr kaztin, noes notetal, purrz top kwallT, prezenz sooo suethin. es jes tath haf knead 2no wut he b finking of mi taylz of heerin chezspk in ma sleep
okai now I R leefin 4 home 2 gets teh therrypee fum mai kittehs cuz i gets noobeez scoldzed fur lokin nasturshum @ kyewtness vry sry *hides face unda arm so 2b invizbul*
Gestalt kitteh gestalts.
b caz es stll jung en not a freud 2
Well, there’s moar than one way to skinner a cat!
*heddesk*
hehehe ohai IQ, nao ic schrödinger’s catinna skinner box
LCB, u rock.
o mai! u r wun kyoot kitteh!
Kitteh bees a veree guud lystener; her iys fascynatid bye mai kitteh tayles;
(tihs bees becuz her iys veree yung adn raiysed bye her mommeh tuu bee pohlyte; wen her geyts awlder, her wil lern haow tuu liftes wun eibrow adn yawn
browdlee iyn kompleet boredumniss, adn tehn tuu sez: “KTHXBAI”……
Oh Mai! Little Kitteh uze is just der kyutiest kitteh in der world
Snorggle snorglez snorg……
Oh noes
Iz furgotted mai CHRG
SSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOORRRRRRRRT!
Qwik!! Ware oh ware is teh CCC??? Kannot yu see dat Maggsuverhooman needs emerjency kare??? Sumwun, pweeze helpz…I doan no nuffin bowt birfin no babies!!!
Babiez???? Oh Mai! I didstnot noe dat der CHRG stoppied demz too. Der fings you learnz on ICHC!!!
hehehe…jus a liddle GWTW ref…an nobuddy gottid it….*sigh*…I bees gittin too old….. (ooh, look….dots!)
I getted it! I was gonna slap u and everything!
awww deer. *putz awn grin welly butez*
slop slop
skupe skupe
pattity patty pat pat.
bitta dukky taep an a frish cleen CGRG 4 yew.
Liddul moar duk taep and a floofy blankee.
Chawklitt nibbul and teh extra rich hawt chawklit 4 sush teh bigsum splort.
Sit kwyet a minnit an yewl feal awl beddur.
Der yew am Maggs….
aw lukkee dawts………………………..
nyz hawmlis dawtz……………………..
sew soofing…………………………….
Fanq kew Gibbocat
Iz is feeling mush betterer
****hmmmm dis xtra rich chawklit is most nommy***
Plz can ai has more????
It was berry biggest splort
And tank kew CrazyLittleOld Lady for hepings me too, you want some hawt chowklit???
yew kan awlwaiz haz moar at teh Tybooteek oar N E wer awn ICHC.
teh suppleye am limitlez…2 inphinittee an B yond!!
Wowzer youze is a souper heroz gibbocat can u fliez like Buzz Liteyear?
***wanderz off sippin limitlez hawt chawklit***
DAT’S not flyin….dat’s fallin…wif style!
Reestawkz CCC
wiff improovd CHRGz
andz lawtza Dukkt Tayp
Froazunn Milkee Wayz
in t3h coolurr. Hawt Ieee Bryte
Tee inz Thurmuss Jug
Noo fluffee Blanketz.
4 ‘Sploart!eez. Needz 2 keep mess
daown 2 minnimumz
Jack.
Oh Fanks Jack!!
Dat ole CCC wuz lukkin a bit sparse awn teh supply sityooayshun!!
I wuz hazzin a wurry fer a minnit,dat splorts wud happen an we wudden hab teh supplys tew deel wiv it. :phew:!!!
AWl Ceheezpeeps be sayfe nao..
Hmmm….. frozen Milkee way. I muss try dat. Sowns nommilisshuss.
yah, iz but mitez hurt teefz. Iz abowt tiem fur yu tu hab liddul trete .;)
Thank yoo Jack!!! Yoo r awlwaiz so thottee wif teh suppliez. Ai think yoo hav halped save menee ov the gud cheezpeeps heer.
I can see reflekshun of mah self in yr eies!!!
You’re chatting with kitteh, and kitteh is listening to you with undivided attention.
Bebbeh Russhenn Bloo
Kitteh attemptz Mynd Meld Hewmin’z
belleh. Reezultz, gud
Hewmin nawtz tawllkeeng
abowtz werk oarz footzbawll. Needz
feenkz abowt Dinnurr
Peetza wooldz beez gud!
It’z nyse Owtsyde. Goez grillz upz
sum plump Cheezburgrz!
Jack.
mynd meld belleh…how well kitteh noes teh best approache to hyoomin!!!
Grins, Jack!!
Knead to get that coff looked at, before you bounce kitteh of teh tummies!
Frasier kitteh sez: “Go ahed, ai’m listning.”
Mai attenshun, u has it.
I WAS JUST TAKING IT OUTSIDE TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE IN TEH LITE!
****ahem****
PLEASE GIB RHSB HER ATTENSHUN BACK !!!!
Yeah! Wat eek saided…
*pouts* Sheesh. Rain on my parade, why dontcha. Fine. Heer, rhsb, here’s ur stoopy ol’ attenshun back. I din’t want it anyways.
*Turns around sulkily to leave, grabs eeckthecat’s ristwatch, runsawayfast.*
Dat wuz mai tether,aktually……
FREE AT LAST !!!
U means I can has it? 4 reals? Thx!
Hay, lookit this! There’s a seekrit compartment. Oh, lookie! Inside there’s all kindsa treasures! Thx again, eeck! U is a vry generus individual.
*Inventories treasures in seekrit ristwatch compartment*
All ur base
Bouillabasse
Cadillac
Diamond-encrusted rubies
Earring formerly belonging to Tidmum
Fancy-schmancy Park Avenue luxury apartmint
Gasoline!
H…
Heet seeking missuls
Ink (sploding kind)
Jewelley ring
Hot hordurves
Ice (teh dimund kind uv ice)
Jools, jools, jools!
K . . .
kitteh-frenlee tois
loads an loads ov noms
marshymallos (fer eeting an fer throwing)
Nibelungen, Teh Ring ov
Opalzs
Pearlz
Q…
Quartz, rose
Rubiez
Safyrez
Topaz
U
u DID realize ai ment ELECTRONIC tether,didnt u??
Try to luk innosint wen teh copz show up……
No I didn’t. Some of us is wiley enuff to not get caught! Then who does this treasure-filled ristwatch belong to? Or rather, who did it belong to before u gived it to me?
***tee,hee***
Ai’ll nebber tell…..
eyem konfewzuld nao!!! hoo wuz it hoo neadid attanshun??
attenshun deffysit we haz it!
Does u has a attenshun hedache? Take elebenty aspirins and call me Ishmael.
noe eye haz teh ba caek.
butt eye wheel tek teh axprinz an kawl yew jorj!
Wait, isn’t u TTIers always telling each other to mind ur backs? Why didn’t u?
sumtink grabbd mai attenshun!!
*nod knowingly*
There’s a lot of that going around.
Um….eek…Ai tink tehre was moar b4 LCB took it. Ai nawt tink hur gibbed it awl bak.
Oh, an hur stolded ur watch.
No….she stolded SUMBUDDES watch…
nawt necessarily myne!
yew wuzunt payn attenshun???
wunnur Y nawT?
hey werz mai woch wif teh seekrit kompartmint???
*hides watch behind back*
Um, I think eeck had it last. BTW, u must to be gibbing me ur recipe for bouillabaisse. It is teh yum.
juss doan dent teh cadillak!!!
*hides dented Cadillac behind back*
Um, ok. Sure.
An membur 2 restawk teh frij
in teh Fancy-schmancy Park Avenue luxury apartmint
wen yur dun… kthxbai
*hides moneys from sale of Fancy-schmancy Park Avenue luxury apartmint behind back*
You bet!
awsum!!!!
But but mom?
de bogieman zombie did not really nom up all the kittehs at the camp, did he?
Is just a moovie rite? RITE?
In Soviet Russia
The attention has u!
(In Honor of my Russian Blue kitteh Heather P. Willow 1987-2002)
was heathers middul name*pussy*?
i imagine that she was a gorgeous kitteh…
No, I think her middle name was…
Phyllis
Princess Mew
Priscilla
Pandemoniumortwo
Pterry
i luv teh name Pandemoniumortwo!
my duplex naybor once had an unruly white german shepard named Major; i called him Major Disaster- loud,huge n jumpy on lil me. pandemoaneous!
Er, well, I kinda sort steeled that from a somewhat dated Tom Paxton
song, “I’m Changing My Name to Chrysler”
.
Since the first amphibians crawled out of the slime
We’ve been struggling in an unrelenting climb
We were hardly up and walking before money started talking
And it’s sad that failure is an awful crime
Well it’s been that way for a millenium or two
But now it seems that there’s a different point of view
If you’re a corporate titanic and your failure is gigantic
Down to congress there’s a safety net for you
Dont bring THAT kitten to my house – I’ll steal her from you in a heartbeat!!
Hrm – I’d haf to say does pants DO maek yur butt luk big.
Very funny!
Cavitee Kitteh
feelz beginnings of massive toofache
Hi everybody
hey!!!! meet me!