LOL dey wud taek lawwwnnnnnnnnng trypz… “o hay, Elfi, nont werry ’bout feedin’ teh kat, she fyne, we be bak tonite.”

Kat not has fuud. Kat not has wattur. Kat has ik litturbawx. Ai iz nawt kat’s mumma, an at de tym, I din’t has ennie need foar any kat. (ai feelz dooly bad abowt dis nao, but den, Ai wuz nawt machur.) so kat bees laik…. ZOMGZ elfi.. ai nos yu nawt laik meh, but ai azk yu pliiizzz foar openy da kubbordz foar kitteh??? PLIZ?!?!

An’ I wud feelz VAREEMUSHBAD foar kitteh, so I wud gibs kitteh awl teh ’spensiv kitteh treetz ai kud find … hevvinz-to-betsee, I dunno whut a kitteh eetz! Kitteh wud be awl OOOH FANKOO!! den kiti wud be awl… o hay, my litturbawx, it not so grate akshulie. I wud sae, oh, dat okeh, kiitty, u can goez in Mumma an Daddeh’s ruum. I knowz yu git lokd owt ov der kuz yu peez on stuf awl da tym, but iz okeh, ur aunti elfi iz in charg, has fun.

Kiti wud be laik WHEE!! FUN!! **PEEEEEEEEEE** on der bed.

Wun taim, dey sed “we be bak tonite” an dey nawt komd bak foar THREE DAEZ. Nawt kallz me, nuffin. Dint evin has regular kitifuud in da howz. Left wifowt evin tellin’ me dey wuz goin’ nowhar, just put noet on frij whut sed, “nont werry abowt kitty”.

So I didn’t worry abowt teh kiti. Anjulah, she werkd az teh assiztunt at a vetrunaree hozzipul. I wuz varee konsernd abowt teh kiti. I tookd teh kiti to da hossibul whar she werkd, sed, o hai, I iz anjulah’z ruumaet… she levt dis noet *show noet* but she hasn’t kom bak yet, dat wuz yesserdae, dis kiti, she need a real mumma, I nawt laik kitiz, I ‘llergik to kitiz, o an’ der no kiti fuud in teh hole howz. Maebee kiti kan livz heer at ur plaes, sins Anjulah werk heer, so den she paez yu, maebee git a dizkownt? Kuz, see, she allus sae I nont gotta taek kare of kiti kuz I sed if ai taek kare of kiti I charg dem $10 off mai rent-pay foar eech day, so dey say I nont gotta, but den dey leev an nevur sae when dem kom bak…. so maebee yu kan halps?

Anjulah nawt werkd der anee longer affur dat. Dey nawt laikd heerin’ bowt her juz leevin’ teh amminul wifowt fewd wif noet say “nont werry bowt kity”.

I wuz pliezd dey chargd her moar den $10 a dae foar kiti to livz der, evin wif umployeed dizkownt. An’ dey taekd it dureklee frum hur nex chek. Dat wuz naiss an; konveenyint. Yeth, it wuz.

I saws plummer’s crack at checkowt at TESCO teh other dai. It wuz hairy. It wuz skary.

*goes 2 haid hed unner kubbers*

but duz giv me a plaice to park mai byk…!

Mebbe teh s are UNDER teh Tribble.