my eevilll plan… iz 7% compleet!!
my eevilll plan… iz 7% compleet!!
wut will yoo do wif ur evelness?
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: rosalind780
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.
I iz comcastick!
I liek tihs:
Nawt2: a car
Nawt3: a maus
Nawt4: a aleeyan lief form
Congrats lolnascar!
Iff it won’t make u homicidal fur me tu ask…whut iz a zauberflote?
I just reelized, tribbles has no arms nor leggz, so u don hav to worree
“Zauberflote” is Chermann fur “Majic Flute”. Iz a flute player an mai favrit opera is “Teh Majic Flute” bai Mote’s Art, so,,, der u hab it 
Kewl! Eye playeded da flute in elementuree skewl. But onli fur wun year. Lotz uff muzak iz nice…an calming! Wear do u plai?
well, u mai yet plai agen! Ai wuz 26 yrs in teh Rich Mond Simpthenee heer in TTVa, but ai iz taeken erlee retyrement in 02. So nao Iz slef-emploiied.
I ment to ax before: how are flute players called these days? I wus rysed calling dem Flawtists but naow I hear mostly peeple say footists - which do you prefers?
Ohai Sol, u haz teh glory ob bein teh elebentee=eth purrson tew askz me dat,
Ai allus anserz dat kwestshn “I’m a Murricun, I callz me a floot player so peepz duzznt hab to worry wich iz wich! An chekk owt ur typo–iz hilaryus!
But akshullee, flootist iz moar common in Murrika nao, I bleev.
typos, I gotta a million ub dem, one ob the reason I luvs lolspeek so mush. OTAY yer definite not a footist. Ise goona stick wiff flaowtist cause it wut Ise used to and because I kin act snooty an superior whens people try to kerwreckt me. I soitinly wooden wanna be common now, woodeye?
Mai fave purrt ov Lolsprekken, tew!!
Moar seeerius sights senz mii runnin tew Gooogly ur Wicci fur korrected spellinz tew nawt seam undedumacated.
ohai ZF, u are in VA? I am rite next door in NC!
I plaied the floot 2 in elementerry, but onlee fur 3 months.
I has a sad abowt that… wished ai had stuck wif a moosikul instrumint. Ackshully I took piano fur severul yeers but teh teecher did not teech me how to finger teh keys correcktly, so my career as a consert peeanist was cut trajicallee short. Ai can plai stuff liek ‘Moonlite Sonata’ but cant doo ennything moar difficult reely.
Now, where doo I find a footist? That sownds liek a kick!
leeza-b … footist … um, dey kan be fownd in zpeshul maggazeenz whut iz sold in um…. “adolt novultee ztoar.” Yeth.
inna neks eyel dawn frum the bedpost ties
HAO YU KNO!?!?!
I lurks der partime
<<<<<OMG. prty stipez!!
*wavin across teh border at leeza-b*
da udder kind footist in yelo payges unner
pod-yey-a-tree
o yeth.
Dem too.
onoez wierdprezz, it ar rearrangmint of teh kommentaeshinz. Owelz.
podyatrizt = footist … “o yeth, dem too” K? k.
I naps nao.
zauberflote - Ai played da floot and da pickelo in skool, frum 6th graed all da way to mai seenyor yeer in hi skool. Mai hubbeh wuz a tooba playur. We meeted in band.
Ai hazn’t playd 4 yeers. Da floot iz long goen but hubbeh still haz hiz tooba.
Ai wood theenk teh floot wud bee EZer tew stoar!
Yabbut mai hubbeh gets rid uv NOFFING!
*pats rhsb’s hand*
Ai unnerstan.
congratulayshuns, lolnascar!
Wood u liek sum fresh-brewed coffee az a bevrage or wood u liek sumting moar hi-octane?
ya kno, I needs sum coffee todai. Got stuff to ackom….accum…to do todai. So fanks fer sum cafeen.
u r welcome
im providin coffee, T and all teh creams, shugars or Splendas az desired fur everybodees
Fankz berree mutch Kj! *porz coffee, stirz sugarz, porz creem* mmmmmm dis is berry gud Kayjoy! Wud enneewun liek sum chawklit filledkrwahsangtz?I haz az menny az wii needz on a traay wif teh budder an nyfez (budder nyfez Tribble!) rite nekst to da cofffeee. Hep urselfz!
Mye heart jumpeded dere fur a minute!
*tryez foar drownz in koffee*
*gronez*
Ohai Elfinugget
Hao r u todai? Don drownz in da koffee, ok?
heer, we throw you a koffee life preservur. its cawled a ‘donut’.
LOL!!!
hey 4.5, things are lookin muchly beddar dis mornin…….. fanks 4 teh immoral supt
Ur welcum! Butt - immoral?
Whadai dew?
it jus sounded beddar dan moral support………….. I wud put it in Italics but wait………. nawt a gud idear
Oh go awn - wear’s ur scents ob adbentshur?
Ai trai:
immoral
C? Iz OK!
ai weel taik yer werd for it………nawt feline 2 adventurous tis mornin! ai wud give anyting to unnerstan wai it borked up teh whole page and nawt jus mai commint……. sunspots, dats it
Wuz fun! Reeeely, Jamamakitty! Awl iz gud!
It mading mee laffz so hard I cryz.
I musting not going back dere oar I will
start laffingz agen!!!
oooh, I lieks dat life preservur.
Im drownin too!!! Halp!!!
I can has chocolit preservur plz?
of corse! u haz tawp spot, so u can haz ennything u wantz!
heer, u can haz whippy creem filled too if u wants. Teh skwirrills is full of enurgee this morning.
oohh FANKOO. *klingz to donut*
I nawt so grate akshuly.
whut wuz on-an-off iz nao juz on an’ it ar hurt. I iz pritty shur dis ar da end of fings, whish ar sad, but nao iz kinna reeleeving kuz maebee I kan stop finking nite-an-dae abowt it an finnish mai turm in zkool… haz bin teh hektyk 3 wks, frum “ZOMGZ WTF DAT NOT SPOSD TO HAPPIN” to “ok um, it werks, I akshulee axcytid” to “o, ok is nawt gud?” to “ovur”. Is bin amoshunil rollarkoztur. Ai laik rollurkoztur, juzz not amoshunil dramazor. 
(((Elfi))) Heer iz large soft floofy blankee, warmed majicullee so iz alwayz warm for hurtz. Hope iz awl ober berry suun, k? An mehbee fine sumbuddee IRL for IRL “donut”?
{{{{{{{{{elfi}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{chzfrens}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Hoap u feel bettur soon.
U wanna borrow sum babbeh duks to snorgle?
{{{{{Elfnugget}}}}}
o fankoo foar teh offur, but noez, I be OK. Babbeh duks is teh kyurtizt fings, tho. I has snorglee blankee an’ komfee bed an kittehz. Kismet is being very lovey, she knows I nont feels good, she’s very attentive when I’m not feelin’ good.
Whut I *WOULD* love is a bigger, better water heater, because living in the shower would feel great.
I remember a comedian saying one time that there are people out there making a profit off other people by selling them things you don’t need…. “First they sell you a Hot Water Heater,” he said, “when you DON’T NEED TO HEAT HOT WATER.”
*chuckle*
ELFI!!!!!!1! Ai just gotted a new wadder heeter teh odder dai! Koinsidens? Ai fink nawt! Heer, ai lending it tew u until u feline bedder.
*push, push, pull, tug, shov* Phew, dat’s hebby! Maibee ai shudda dwained it nawt sekkund?
LOLZ
I ramembur livvin’ in mai howz in Ohyo… da wattur der varee hard, much kalssyum. I fink dat partlee wy I has bonez whut ar solid awl-thru inzted of, u kno, litewate .
Enniewae, teh kalssyum, it wud bild up in da wattur-heetur in dis kinna gravully stuff… den it wud reech da watturheetur ellimint, an den ZORCH, da ellimint wud burnz-owt. So we had to go dooowwwnnnn in teh dark dank durt baesmint, tryz to ramembur whish wun iz sirkitbrakur foar watturheetur, flip switchiz, taek owt ellimint an’ hoap we flipt rite switchiz, drane teh hole watturheetur owt on teh durt flore (sokay, it sinks in laetur)…. den we git spoonz an tongs an stuff, stik it in da hole whar da watur draenz, skoop owt da gravvly stuff. After ‘whyl, der nies chok gravul awl ovur durt flore. VAREE hard watur. Yep. I had to do dis fing laik 3 tiemz.
O Hai Elfinugget -
I’ve been thinking about U and praying for U. Mekanikal rollercoasters are fun, but emoshunal rollercoastres are terrible. I hope your difficult ride staytens out soon, and that you again kan fayce eech new day wid peace and haappeeness.
I’d offer u mah shower, but we has a watter main brake this morning. Bad enuff that I hads to shower wif wet-wipes, but I has a conehead kitteh at teh moment who cannot warsh herself a-tall. Thank Ceiling Cat she didn’t need teh hosing off of her hindquarters this morning, but teh watters better beez back on when I gets home this evening or else I’ll has to take her to teh firemans department for cleaning.
mmmmm… firemans…
kitteh problee nawt wunt teh kinna watturprezhur dey gotz at teh fyr-staeshin. I homblee sugjezt buyz sum gallinz ov watur an’ sum dizpoz’bl woshkloffs or puffz-plus. Sumtymz wen I laik “ZOMGZ KITTEH WTF WY U NOT WOSH UR BUTT?” I uzes teh puffspluz, is soft an’ nawt skratchee on dellikit kittehbutt. u can maek damp wif lilbit ov watur, is awl teh gud.
Whut, I can’t just go and say “O hai” to teh firmans? *pouts*
I tried wif teh softish tissues which I uses on mah delicate nose (mah allerjies, let me show u them) but Esme say DO NOT WANT. I tried teh kindest, gentlest baby wipes around and she sed bad things about mah mother. Warm watters from teh kitchen sink spraytzer thingy? Not so bad, akshually.
O hai LCB -
I iz glad to find you today. I’ve been wondering about your kitteh that be rekovering, and I hope she be doing well. Pls give her a hug, and knoe that she will not hold any of this against U later (maybe in a year she will hide when she sees U get out the wet-wipes, but she will still luv you).
PS - Koncerning firemen: I likes the hero-types too.
LCB - uv korse yoo kan still say “ohai” to teh niec firemens. Is alwayz gud to meet new peepuls.
But nawt to be yusin theyr hozes on teh kittehs. Nawt niec. Kitteh no liek.
Kittehz no liek teh gentil behbeh wyps eedur, but it nawt hurt them. Mah eggsperyenz is no kitteh lieks havin itz butt wyped - butt sumtiems halp is needed.
Hoep yor watur bak on soon.
An Elfi, owr deer cheez-frend - I hoep things improov fur yew soon!
Thx, CH! Esme is teh vry vry sweet and I think she alreddy forgibs me. Last night she sat near me on teh couch and purred and put one paw on mah leg and early this morning she lay down on teh bed wif me for a little while and gived me a kiss on mah nose.
She’s staying in teh bedroom today, wif teh door closed, kthx. Kid Liam can has teh rest of teh place to hisself and not be using Esme for a tackling dummy.
Firemans: Men of Burl.
ohai LCB!
R u sure Esme did not haz evil plot uf her own to cause watters to get cut off?
iz ther enny firmenz left? ai’ll haz wun too, plzthx!
I wouldn’t put it past her. She is vry clever and, well, a cat.
Bartender! Firemanz for all mah wimmens!
{{{{{{{{elfi}}}}}}}}
Hopez yu not too dizzy wens you gets off
rollermacoaster, nd kan gets
back to skool. Skool wurk helpz take
mind somplays else.