I killed a man,
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
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Cheezburger Network Blog
He loled at me.
cumgratshumashumz, leeza-b!
wut yu wanna dwink?
wut yu wanna danse?
wut ovver kinds ov sillybrayshums doo yu wunt?
four de dans i sujest da Folsum Kitsum bluez by Johnny Catsh
Yep, dat kitteh just wanted to watch him dye.
maybee hims namez is Su
A boi naemed Su?
Hao doo u doo?
Naow yu gonna dye!
nawt reeeely…jus repeeetin leerics
wut kud ai do?
wut kud ai do?
so ai throo down mah pistlol and he throo down hims gun
ai cawld hims meh fadder an he cawld meh hims sun…
…in teh mud, and teh blood, and teh beer.
D’Oh!
‘In Reno, just to watch hims die.’
‘…Ise here fer litterin, and all the mutharapers and fatherforkers moved to the other end of the bench…’
B)
…an creaytin nuusince.
an dey all moevd bak!
en we havd lotsa phun fillin owt teh formz en playin wif teh pensilz on teh groop W bench dere…
An the ate bye ten glossy pichurs wiff dem circules and arrers an a paragrraph onna back splainin each one.
Kitteh sez, I wanna KILL, I wanna Kiiiiillll, l wannnnnaaa kiiiiiiilll
Iz moar @ teh bottum… (whale, ’bout hefwaidoen)
Wiiz waetn fur teh corus tew cummaroun gain.
kant…. breev… laffin… tew…. hard!!!!
ARLO GUTHRIE REF FTW!!! I LOVVVVVVVVEEEE ARLOOOOOOOOOO!! yoo gyze
mehk meh sew happai!!!!!!!
yoo ken git ennytihng yoo want et Alluses Rest too rawnt…. eksceptin Allussss… en Allussesss Rest too rawnt!!!! :::::siying bliss filly:::::
Kid, has joo rehabilimitated j00rselfs?
we fownded yur nayme on an envlop at teh bawtum of a pyle uv gargage……..
um, dat wood be GARBAGE, mush funnier dat way… teh
rap-aron werds got me agin!
Ai canna tella lye ossyfur.
Ai PUT dat NVlope unnerdere.
Du yawl knowz de Teksis tew-step? it goez lik dis:
shuffle-shuffle step
shuffle-shuffle step
twerl iffn u knowz how
shuffle-shuffle step…and keepz going
and twerl when ya want tu, an sew awn
Ai lubs tihs dans.
yoo shud see mee twirl.
Twirl or slyde?
Ur still lukin bery shiiinee, woodchuck.
Eye tawt teh Teksis Tew-Stepp goe lik dis:
shufful shufful shufful stepp
shufful stepp shufful stepp
shufful shufful shufful stepp
trapdoah ohpins oopsie.
Lees dats wut jorjdubyabush sez…
Tony! Mai brudder form a nodder mudder! Wher has yu bin?!
thanx No1inP!
this is my nawt sekkund nawt sekkund! I can dye happie now!
if I cud hav a quick drink that wud be grate, but then ai has to ride off inta teh sunset… u guize hav fun! martoonies on me, awl arownd!
gud choys! awlsoh, ai haz tew say tihs
WARNIG: POSSIBLE SPLORT ZONE PLZ MAYK SHUR YUR WARING YUR CHRG (wdoi)(or wutever awlturnativ, such az a shwr kap)
oh an feel free to rade the pi stawl, whatevver is left u can has!! ai think there is sum kyootie pie left!
Congratulashuns Lezza-b!
U maeded a gud nawt second commint!
*gibs offishul pat on teh bak*
I wud lub to hab a martoonee in ur onner!
Fank yew!
Am tehr a file innit?
Congrats on your not-sekkond – not-sekkond! Hopes you haz a few thouzand more!
Kitteh zon da furr mile.
Meh mudder loled at me, once.
Once.
Dis be a hardened crimi-kitteh. He way too tuff to be hugged and kissed and snorgled. Would embarrass him in front of the hood. (But maybe if you sneaks back later, you can rehabi…re-abili…., um, helps him change hiz ways)
Ai wud lub tew bee himz re-habilitayshunist.
Ai cud snorgle an schmoo an tikkle teh bad wayz owt ob him.
Den hug him an pet him an cawl him George fur ebber an ebber.
Iz handsome kitteh-face you now haz by yur name, Tidmum! How you does that? (I kan’t figgures out the technical stuff. I haz to CALL INDIA for that!!!(Story on preevious pikshur.)
goto wierdpress, in edityeraccownt. yu can upload an atavar frum pix yu has, and tehy let yu crop it…
Fanks C.H.
Well,akshully teh angsty wun did dat bit.I wuz berree skared ob doin it-Ai r nawt gud wib tknologee.
Ai opened teh w.p akkownt an den uploaded a picshure-Dis mah Hazel
kitteh fayce.
hooeber did it, it werked owt well!
.
Hazel iz teh beeyootiful!
Awwww!Fankyew PB2K.
Ai jess whish it cud hab been big enuff spayce tew put Fern awn too.
Iffin yew got teh cheezfrenz groop, ai maded a pishure album ob mah girlies.
Awl teh albums awn der gots teh moast beeyootiful kittehz an goggies an furry frenz in dem.
I’se sawy I missed yer albums TDM. I jest quit the Cheezfrez group, Way to mush political kerweckedness der fer a fellow such as me. Dis Bull dint beloawng in dat China shawp.
X-U-L-E, I M nawt so sure about dis wun eever.
Nebber mind SolnEsther,
Ai gets teh angsty wun tew put a linkee heer wun day fer piks ob mah girlies,den ebreewun kin see dem iffin dey want.
Dat wud be sweet, nawt unlike yerseff.
OH!! SolnEsther. Did yoo reelee quit??? Now – ai think – ai haz yet another beeg sad.
Yoo see – mai motivs ar nawt pyoor. Purrhaps selfisch, eben.
ai ar sending peepl to teh cheezfrenz so that they will be saif. If sumthing shud happen heer – Yoo wud nawt be forebber lawst. Ai cud find yoo if ai wanted to.
But now – yoo ar again just – out there. sum where. An ai don’t know where that iz.
Hah, JCH4K! Yer the best! And Lawd noes I luvs me a woman wif unpure motives.
And der are dose who say Ise alreddy forebber lawst, a cause the fact is Ise has always been out there! I fink I caused somebody offense wiffeven trine (which I annoying when you kornsider how often and how hard I werk at been offentsive. I axed somebody to pleeze speak more clearly and sebberal ob del porceilan princess, political kerwreck types gots all in muh face about haow wrong dat was to do. I even sed pleeze but dey still whupped up. Dey’re silly.
Solly—hay, (out of lolspeak for a bit)–you know we all have our problems. We want you to stay around. I’m sorry folks yelled at you! I learned a long time ago that the most fragile folks blustered the most to protect their tender hearts, but a lot of people haven’t learned that yet—particularly the youngsters. (She said at the ripe old age of 51!) Can you give the rest of us a chance? I’m not in cheezfrends myself (techno-challenged, to say the least!—but you are a brilliant guy witha lot to share. Please stay in the game! Don’t let the kids intimidate you. You ARE loved, just as you are.
Deerist SolnEsther,
Yew mus stay heer, srsly! Yew haz made us lol lotz!
Yew R one ob teh seesonings 4 owr site!!! A liddel pepper nebber hurtz innybuddy!!
tz owr diffreces taht makz it fun… Yung an older.. teckkies an notzo teckkie, scientist an stoodint, whirld travilerz an stai at homes, singars an dansrs, etc, etc!!
.
.
Whatza burger wifowt teh cheez???
I nebber sed I was gonna leeb ICHC< I jest dint belong wif the China Dolls at Cheezfrens. I’ll still cut the cheez here until yawl ax me nawt to.
Ai put in pishure album ob mah kittehs dere lassnite! Iz unner shna23… an ai yoozhully am unner “Shna” here – but may stick wif nightshayde sew ai can has avatar.
Fanks! Ai wuz fergettin who nightshayde wuz (ai’m SOOO bad wif naymes)—ai membered taht wuz SUMWUN’s oo name, just nawt HOOZ. Lub teh avatar!
Gud morning altosinger. ai can’t bee heer today- too much to doo *sbuff* but ai thot Id just peek in – an saw taht yoo went to “BC vs CC.” Ai don’t seem to be able to go there enymoar – ebree thing brakes up fur mee.
What ar yoo using??? Purrhhaps ai cud trai sumthing else??
Owr fambly compyooter hear iz awn fierfawks. Eben sew, tehrez sew menny commintz taht itt taeks a whyle to lode awl ob tehm. Boyyy TAHT wun openneded upp a reel kan ob wurms! Hoo-wee!
I saw yore pix tidmum… veri kyoot!!
I cant post tehre– mush 2 confuzzling 4 meh 2 get the hang ov…
Ai find it confuzzlin too.Sum peeps poast awn der wib differnt naymes an I doant noe who dem am.I try an reed an add a reply if I can.Lots of funneh stories and caerin an lub awl a tyme.
Teh files ob ressipees etc am fab.I gunna try sum owt.
Hmmm.. sownds NOMmie…
Dave, y ken yu haz dr tinycat? I wubz him n wants to hab him tu. Plz tu be sharin de tiny doktur?
JanetCanHas4Kittehs sayed I could has him cause I doan has any kitteh. Him mostly stays here, though. Him’s noor . . . nooro . . . brayne surgin and spend most him’s time puttin’ peoples braynes back in dems hed.
Him’s hardly ever home anymore.
Dave, didn’t u wurk in a seefud restaurant for yeers to put Dr.TinyCat froo skool? I’m sure u fot dat affer graduashun, eberyfing wud b purrfect. Nao, DrTinyCat iz hardly eber hoam, and wen he iz, hims iz usually late. There hab been meny nites wif teh table set, candles lit…waiting. Hours later, ur heating up hims fud, cuz ov anudder emergency. Iz not easy to hab Dr.TinyCat. But, u still lubs him, doan u?
[sigh] Meh clothes still smellz likes da mahi mahi. I can’t eben looks at lobstahs anymore.
*Janet luks at Romeow an DavecanhasDrTinycat awl dewy eyed an smyles.*
*sigh* Now ai ar troolee happee.
@@@@@
@Dave
Ai lolwayz liekda seenz whair dey keyp taekn stykee paypurrr ovv de gitweigh kar.
“Littering… and creating a nuisance.”
U can gets anything u wants @ Alice’s resturant…
‘Ceptin Alice….
@@@@@
5 fur u!
Tanks fur da furport hominy, Kayjoy!
I can has 8 bai 10 colr glossy fotos wif circls an arros?
Yep, but iz wornin uz, issa nudder caze of Blynd Jus tus!
An a parrotgraf onna bak of eech, descr—disrc—tellin wut itz abowt.
Kitteh sitting on teh Groop W Bench.
Kitteh… haz u rehu… rehabul… haz u maekd ursef morral agin?
SMOM, u got a lot a darn gall to
ask meh iffs I’ve rehabilitated myseff.
I meen, I meen…
Anna surgant sed: Kitteh, wii donut liek ur kine, wii gonna sent ur kyoot lil paw preints ov to Wash-a-ton.
An dats wot hii did. But wen de open da envel… da pakaze… SPLORT!
Am jes waitin fur it to come round on da gitar.
Agin.
I’z nawt proud, or tired.
I haz a hapee! Iz uh wurm fuzzee.
Ai haz an owwee nao — frum laffin. Mussul spasmed in mah belleh.
Srsly. Owwww!
Iz bedder nao, Nightshayde?
Ai heer Dey sae iz bezt medisinz… prollee gud fur tietnin ov de avdo… abmod… doz ab muskullz.
It wur a bum rap.
liek frum kevn fed.. fedder.. u no, x-britnee speeeerzes??
ai skracheded teh furnachur. wai awr yu heer?
pewped in teh hooman’s shoo.
Maeded teh birdie goes to sleep…
foreber.
Gotted cot selling teh catnip.
Kitteh refused to rat owt Midge.
http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/2007/09/16/itz-ok-but-midge-haz-homegrown-at-her-place/#comments
plehed on teh air vent ov teh VCR…
you?
I doan kno zactly y I’z heer.
I gab mah hoomins meny pwesents, and dey sent meh heer.
I’m a gibber. Gib, gib, gib…neber taek.
ai gibbeded teh goldfish a noo plase tew swim
I re-weeved teh drapes.
Littering
in teh litter boks, ai hoep! lol
ai kilt mah hewman foar tryin to giv me a baf
Dat’s nawt a crime – ebery kitteh trys to do dat.
We can’t penalize u fur being successful.
I pierced teh goggie’s ear.
Well, nawt so much pierced, as fringed, or maybee shredded.
His ear matched his nose wen I waz dun.
kage-wresslin insied teh box springs at 1 am
ai gotteded awn teh taybul adn likkeded teh ais kreem
kitteh luks a littel too manic, purrhaps he shuld switch to teh decaf
Dis one is full ov teh catfeend.
(|0|)(|0|)(|0|)(|0|)(|0|)
LOL!!!
Kitteh shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Is wearing all black too!
oh mai! i think ur rite! Hims will b en Folsum prizun fo shur.
Himz got teh Fulsom Kitteh blues.
5 x @!!
johnny cash kitteh yay
so sry…i dittoed u up dere
not payn attenshun
an he toldz me Eye tipes funneh…
Didz he meen funneh ha ha, or funneh strange?
am 2 layt 2 akz him!!!11
kilt furst, axe l8tr?
doant u mean, kilt 1st, dirk latr?
Adn doan’t fergit teh sporran.
wudden b kompleet wioot teh sporran.
sew happi yew dint tiep dat enlolcat…
google iz a gud phechchin goggie, buht doan phech mizpels sew gud.
well a splolran wud luk like a misbgottn splort and taht wud
confuzilate peeplz eben moar.
not taht I’m above confuzilating peeplz.
Ai kin ruspekdat.
LOLty haz idz preev… prifi… bonoosez.
U tink i’m funneh? Funneh hao?
Liek a clown, liek i’m here to amooze u?
WT* is so funneh about meh?
OK, I juss mark dat down as “funneh strange.”
I finks I’ll meak it “funneh skary”.
Ahhhh…a noo category! Ur rite!
.
Funneh Ha Ha
Funneh Strange
Funneh Skary
.
Yes, it is “C” – Funneh Skary.
justifiable
Justifiable nomicide.
Romeow, if ai had brgrs ai wud giv u menny brgrs for dat. But apparentlee, sumbuddy stoleded dem while ai wuz away!!! Ai promiss neber to go away again if dis is teh sort of ting dat happens.
I fot u tooked teh burgers wif u
and wud bringed dem bak wif u?
.
Welcum bak SJ. I missed u!
Don yous know? Wes all innosint in here.
Iffs teh paws doan fit, u can’t convict.
I killed hims wif mah kyoot.
Ur next.
I shot teh sherriff. But I didna shoot no depyootie.
I swaer it wuz in thelf-de-fence.
Dat’s teh nite teh lites went owt in Cheezland…
Doan trus yer sole ta noe bazemint shynineyz lolkat…
Psst…I gots a goggie on teh outside dat’s gonna dig a tunnel to gets meh owt.
The Pawshank Redempshun
elebenty cheezburgers 4 yew!
FTW!!!
elebentyelebentyelebenty Burgers ad finitum…………………………….!!!!
Nowz, if u could sneak me in a little rock hammer….
Ai gotz lotza doze, yew wanna hrd rck pik fur dis job, onny uze da masnree hmmr fur palle… pulleont… bugs en sedrx.
Oar mebbe a rock lobstur?
kin yew deeg wif DEM tew? Mebbe haz to youse clauz (an shair buttry lobsturmeet wif sellmaets.)
*Shakes head to dislodge Love Shack earworm*
10r00f rstd!
Oh thay wil gif yew a rock hammer…
Wat yew NEED iz a file!!!
Dew yew hazza munny?
Onwee teh gud die yung.
Dis be haow iyt heppined:
Hims wuz sittyng onna chayr. Wen Ai cums in adn hims seed mai xtreme kyootness, hims jes falls offa chayr, hits hed onna floorses, adn dyes ov massyve splort attak.
Adn den dey blaymed Ai……
I beleeb u, kitteh!It happens awl teh tiem. Iz nawt ur fault fur being so kyoot.
Iz owtrageous to be locked up fur teh kyoot!
Releese dis kitteh immed…immediate…NAO!!!
Dat’s whut Iz thout! Kittehz kyuteness iz a deadlee weapon! Nawt kittehz fault hooman fell ober & dyed…
ai’z a blak kitteh….ai crosseded himz paff, an he runned into a wal,, an ppsfffttt himz ded…..
Dat’s mah storee…
stik to it, kitteh.
i’ll cawl Rev Sharpclawton. He’ll git yu owt.
Rev. Sharpclawton:
Iffs dis kitteh came frum a gud nayborhood, u wud call dem lub bites.
But, since dis is a shelter kittey, u calls it inboluntary nomicide.
Dis kitteh can’t gets a fare trial heer. I rekwest a change ov venue!
“**** teh poleec comin straet frum teh kibbl sack…”
—kittehz wif attytood
Gilty! Nomicide inna nawt sekkund degree! Sawwy, lost ukase. Uganda jayl. conserve tenures. Yacht appeal.
“Ur probly wondering why ur here. Ur here cuz you done [BLEEP!]ed up too many times! You tink ur hot sh** in a champagne flute when ur reely cold diarrhea in a dixie cup!”
(gah, wish I could remember the whole monologue ><)
wut’s it frum?
Wat iz dat frum?
comes from Venture Bros., last episode of seeson 1. deez 2 teenage kids get pulled ober by a cop, den get taken to da jail for some scared strait ting were dey get a lecture from dis super-villan type hoo is lokked up der. its kinda funnee and goofee, if ur into dat sort of ting
The Monarch, FTW!!!
(Venture bros = brilliant parody of Johnny Quest and other adventure cartoons from 60’s & 70’s)
iz dis it?
.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=54209026
.
(iz full ov nawty werds, so I didnt post it awl heer)
KING GORILLA: “**** you, gimme a dollar”
that episode always kills me
Im de kibbel bandit
Bai teh tiem u gets owt,
dey will calls u teh gushi fud geezer.
Iz shot de sherriff, but Iz did nawt kill de deputee!!!!!
♫ Shayrif jon braon alweyz haetid me, foar whut – i dunno
ebbery tiem i plant teh nip, he’d say kill it befoar it groz ♫
I just killded a man, put da gun up 2 hiz hed, pulled da trigger nao he ded.
Mama……ooo-ooo-ooo-oooo________________
Any way da wind blows……..
Scaramouch, scaramouch will u do teh fandango
thunderbolts an litenin
berree berree fritenin
Meooww
O hai Tidmum, yu stil arownd? Jus wan aks yu haow did de silkiez an fnacy purfyume werx owt Toesday nite? Did Mr. TM goze craizee just rite amownt?
Galileo, Figaro!
Magnifico-o-o-o!
duz kawsing sploart kount as merdur?
“splorted his hed, and i’ll splort urz too and i’ll splort teh hed off of any motehr-bukketing son-of-a-lolrus taht messiz wif meh and ah’ll keep on splortin teh hedz until u kin pyel mah viktimz up to teh skai”
u kilt ai frum teh funneh
LOL!!! “motehr- bukketing son-of-a-lolrus??”
May ai borrow taht??? sumtimes, ai think maybee ai cud use this wun.
Ai kin see teh fayces now. Whut??? whut did yoo say????? LOL sum moar!!!
Dat ar brilyent!
Ai kilt a man…. him hed asplowt from teh Qte
Ai swarez.
Kill meh once…shame on…shame on U?
Kill meh, can’t get killed again.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Fanks, Gibbocat!
I wazn’t sure iffs enny bunneh wud get it.
Awww Romeow. Thank gudness gibbocat wuz heeer. Ai gotted it at wunz, but ai am vereee layte. An yur grate – TROOOLEE grate commint mite hav languished heer aloan fur way too long.
Thankz, deer gibbocat!!! Yoo know verree well how much ai hearts teh wun an awnlee Romeow!
Yaaay, Romeow…
I gotit 2.. Veree funnee… an sew troo…
A gud case 4 theh retern ov teh burgerz!!!!!!
Elebenti bizillion an firty free ov tehm 4 yew!!!
Gibbocat haz indeed savded teh dai!
http://www.toostupidtobepresident.com/shockwave/fool_me.htm
10Q fur teh linque.
Romeow mead meh sniggel buh wuz eevan phunyer en konteccks.
O ai hooooeps wii doen git fewld agayne.
I’ll tip mah hat to teh noo constitution
Taek a bow fur teh noo revolution
Chezburger x5
Kin kittehs git awn der neez?
You won’t get fooled agin? So how does we esplain the 2nd 4 yeerz?
but it wernt mii!
Ai ebben startd riten uh alt timylyne tail whare W wun… den hii wun. Waz horrer johnra, obbyously. Teech mii tew rite bout tingz ai Do Not Want.
rendition kitteh uses kyoot ekwal too or nearing taht of a hed splozhun to interrogaet ppl
I keeld a man 2,
an et hiz libber wif fava beenz n a nihz cheeowntee…
ssssslllluuurrrrppppp…..
Qwid pro kwo, Klareeese.
Stoopy Wurdpress. >(
iz otae, Dave. no since in getting awl annoied adn upsetting Dr. Tinycat
Meh. Him’s not eben here. Him’s in dat tikkle fread puttin’ braynes back.
Gonna b a looooonnnnngggg nite fur Dr.TinyCat.
Oh, teh hoomanity.
Qwids pro kwo, Klareeese. Qwids pro kwo.
@@@@@@
OK.. take owf the mask an letz see yer fase…
Eeeek!
Ratz… tihs needz ta B by peeps fava beens an chiyanti!!!
so Bootcz,
waz et liek to keel a mahn wif yr bar pawz?
Johnweslyhardinkitteh. Shots a man for snorin’ too loud.
Kiled a man, eh? Nice to meet u, cellmate.
I wuz conviktd of suprise buttsecks.
WIN!
OK…I nawt needz da soap…u git da soap…
not. getink. soap.
soap sty nz flur.
*snurt*
that kitteh luks scarily like mine O_o
Yous kitteh must bees berreh cyoots, den!
Dat’s teh sound uv teh kittehs workin on teh chain gang
All day long deh singin (meorw, meh! meorw, meh!)
Yesh…is pretty tuxie lyke mah behbe…
He is adorable…hope dis sweetheart has home now…
anyone know?
i lolled at ceiling cat
why you here?
O dam!1! Uz laffz @ Ceiling Cat?! owtloudz? O u buztd!
den u iz her 4 lif…u bcum enstooshunalleezd….
U mite hav 2 b OK wiff buttsecks.
sorri.
Wantz da soap?
Oh peep, I triied nawt to lol… BUTT— I did.
.
.
It wuz teh soap…
Ai has tew joyn yew wiv teh lols awn dis wun
Ai kilt him wid mai pointee enz an den ai suffocate him wid my furz.
Nebber moar 2 go astraez
Dis will be teh end 2day
Of a wanted kitteh…
Da jig iz up!
Aw, kitteh, ai bet u killed him wif cuteness!
Wuz aksident…dint mean to…tried to steal mah cheezburger.
Ai left mah baibee an ai feelz sew sad
ai guess mai rais iz run
oh, shez teh best gurl ai evrr had
ai faut teh law and teh
law wun
ai faut teh law and teh
law wun
Was he a 1st-level Commoner?
I can haz bail?
lolz. Tats funie