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Tiger Woods


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» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.

 
  1. Missy says:

    Lookin fur tyger snakk

  2. Phillipe d'Beaker says:

    n-e-buddy seen Larry lately?

    • lolnascar says:

      Plz to be staying outta outtaboundz!!

    • SolnEsther says:

      Har! Poor larry, he ruint our round ob golf. lotsa extra werk, hit the ball – drag wuts left of Larry, make yer approach shot – drag . . .

      • Shanmao says:

        Oh, dat gawt me. ROFL. Cawfee on teh cawmputr skreen.

        But, won teh tiger still b chawmpin awn Larry? Doan wants 2 drag him if tigerz not dun yet!

        • SolnEsther says:

          How much middleaged overweight white guy in plaid pants do you fink a tiger can nom? Iffen stoopy tigger could have eaten more, den draggin wutz left wooden be so tuff.

        • SolnEsther says:

          Jest How mush middleaged overweight white guy on plaid pants do you tink a tyger can nom? Tyger mighta schoffed or removed meybe 50 lbs but that leaves over 200 pounds of the fat bastid that I gotta lug around. I could have left the carcase inna sand trap where the tigger buried it but we carpooled and Larry drove. I needs the keys

  3. Phillipe d'Beaker says:

    congrashumalashuns, missy, on nawt-secund position. teh cello-brashuns can begin!!

  4. Ebilcat says:

    Nice Nawt Sekund!

    If a Tyger Rawrs in deh Woodz, Dus ne one hear him?

  5. lolnascar says:

    O hai, I fownd ur golf ball, but I eeted it.

  6. illi says:

    oh hi. i fund golf ball. tasted like chikin.

  7. Kumbulu says:

    Yew wont yur gulf bal bak?

    Com an get it.

  8. DavecanhasDrTinycat says:

    I dunt sees enee goff klubs.

  9. Mantini says:

    oh gawd, da punz!

  10. cweenmj says:

    Himz soooo prittee! I wanting a snorgul. Let me putting on mai chayn male suit nawt-sekkund. Duz deh tygrrr haz deh ipod? I needz 2 b putting on deh calming music 4 him so he can b relaxing. Not wanting himz all exsighted.

    • 4½ Kittehs says:

      If u can getting clos enuf to rub hims bellee, taht shud dooit!

    • Ambercat says:

      yu’ll need teh ree-inn-forsed snorgle snorkle too

    • Feelionophiliac says:

      Ai haf red akkowntz ob peepz snorgling teh big big kittehz liek tihs, hearing n feeling demz puuurrrrrring, or ai shud say PUUURRRRRING, n tehy deskrybd it as, well, indescrybabul, it wuz teh so much awesum. Pikshurz abaalabul awn rekwest.

      • Dana T says:

        Tygerz no can purr. Mayke lotz of grumbly-happy noyzez tho. Tygerz “ouff-ff-ff” to sai hello. (They blowz in ur fayces.) Coogarz biggest kittehs can has purrz. (But kantz roawrz.) Coogarz has GREAT purrz.

        • Phillipe d'Beaker says:

          Ohai Dana,
          Naow, that is wut I calls infermashun we is nawt likely to get jest n-e-weres. ICHC is sooooo educamashunul. Thnx!!
          .
          ps — pls ufff-fff-ffff to yer tiger frenz frum us.

        • Feelionophiliac says:

          It myte b a bit absolutist 2 saa taht tigerz do nawt purr. Tehy maa nawt maak a “true purr” wif teh vybrashunz kontinyoouslee wyle breefing in n owt, but teh resent artikul (Peters, G. Purring and similar vocalizations in mammals. Mammal Review, v32, Dec. 2002: 245-271.) sed taht tehy maak a “purr-lyke sownd” wen breefing owt, whitch iz prolly wut teh folkz wuz heering n feeling.
          Ai didunt tink taht teh folkz wryting abowt teh awesum tiger purr were maaking it up.

          • Phillipe d'Beaker says:

            many tnks fer teh reference, wich we will add to teh librry at d’Beaker Laboratories. pending its arrival, do yew know if it mentions purring in the binturong? they is int viverridae, along wif teh meerkats and mongooses (mongeeses too). i wunce herd one purr, or it sounded like it to me.

            • sweepea says:

              ummmmm, Prof. d’Beaker, duz you meen teh arribal ob the librrry oar the arribal ob teh buk is pending?
              ‘cuz, golly, i shure wud like to be dere wen a whole liberrrry arrives…

              • Phillipe d'Beaker says:

                ai wuz referrin (in a sortuv ambiguous sentence, ai must admit) to teh arribal of the article. yew might wanna think 2wice about being dere if it was teh hole liberrrry arrives, bcoz probbbly the arribal wud be supervised by Igor. him has 10-dancy to be a little loose wif things like OSSHA, hardhats, dropping big bildings frum a haight, and sow on.

                • sweepea says:

                  ‘kay, wink wink if yew say sew.
                  i betz yew reely getin a hole liberry ob sine tifical buks wif weerd spearmints adn plotz fer teh whirled dominashun. oar mebee jest bawkses ob skochwiskey in buk boxes. oar bof- a lethal cominashun.

                  • Phillipe d'Beaker says:

                    pssst….
                    yew shudn’t noes about taht stuff. watch aowt if you is followed home by black unmarked SUV wif tinted windows an no license plates …. down’t say we didunt warns yew.

          • Dana T says:

            Well, ok too. All I knowz iz that mai tygerz (17 of them) are wai happy kids and I’ve never herd one do the purrz. (In 5 years.) They for sure mayke many diffrent grumbly-yowly-happy soundz, sum soundz lieks growlz but aren’t, lotz of ff-ff-ffing which can soundz very diffrent from kitteh to kitteh. They r veri, veri vocal. (Specially the grrls) Teh coogarz, on teh other pawz, rlly PURR. Liek litty bitty kitteh but loudz.

            Cleerly, mor reserch is called for on mai partz. Must snorgle big stripey kittehs untils they purrz. But onlee veri, veri, careful liek. Iz sur teh othr folkz nawt maaking it up.

            I will ff-ff-ff all the big kittehs for every1.

            • Phillipe d'Beaker says:

              To: Dana T
              From: Phillipe d’Beaker
              BioAcoustics Dibision, d’Beaker Laboratories
              .
              We looks 4ward to continyood collaborashun on teh Tiger Purring Project (TPP). Wun hypofesis is that teh “purr-like soundz wen breefing out” referred to by Peters (2002) may well be the same as the “grumbly-yowly happy sounds” wif teh “ff-ff-ffing” which yew report.
              .
              Ai shud add that there is a debate between teh Theoretical Dibishun an teh Fiedl Reshurch Dibision. Theoretical gize wantz to do compyooter simulations and phylogenetic analysis and biomechanical calylashuns to decide if tigers purr. The Field Reshurch gize is wif you — they makes impolite commints about teh theoritishuns and says that the tigerz can decides for themselves if they purrs or not, and that if sumwun wants to disagree wif teh tigurz about that, its toooo bad fur them. They recomminds impirical inbestigashun involving (careful) snorgling.
              .
              N-e-way, we hopes taht yew will accept a posishun as d’Beaker Laboratories Chief Adjunct Tigerologist fer this impowrtant research project. Teh whirled will be waiting wif baited brefs for your reports.

            • 4½ Kittehs says:

              Dis cite sur am bery edumacashunal in adit… addti… an teh funneh too! N cheezpeeps so nyce adn frendlolee.

              Fanks Dana T fur ff-ff-ff-ing teh strypee kittehs fur us!

            • cweenmj says:

              Dana, I iz soooo jelus uv u 2 b snorgling teh tygrrz.
              Dew b careful. I loening u mai chayn male armer.
              Adn plz 2 b taking the reein4sed snorgle snorkle.
              Also 2 b taking teh recordifcashun devises 2 recordifyingz uv
              teh tyger purringz (oar not purringz) 4 teh post snorgle
              data evaluashunz.
              :-)

              • Dana T says:

                Mai mawm wood b so proud! Tank for teh nu title of Cheef Ajjunkt Tigerologist! I wil do mai ver ver best for daBeaker labz. I bet da theer…theritish, um, in da lab gaiz don’t get as durty as I du. (Itz not awl snorgling, ya know. Therez lots of shuvveling tu.

                I will ware my nu chayne male armer and my industreeal snorgle snorkle at all tymes. Will get big kittehs on taype! (Or diggital ekwivalint.)

                Dose theeror..thereo…um, lab gaiz, don’t knoz whats thei yakking bout!

                I knot bate mai breffs. I alreddy bate enuff. :^)

            • Feelionophiliac says:

              Ai hab lukt, n kant fynde teh orijinul akowntz, but tehre wur tu:
              Wun wuz a blynde wumun hu wuz allowd 2 snorgle a tygur aftur it wuz anesthetizd 4 surguree, so it wuz kompleeeeetlee relaxt. She karefulee drapt herself akros it as she scratcht itz hed n nek, n kryd, it wuz so mobing.
              Teh odder wuz a trabelur hu bisited a temple in India wer tehy raazd teh tygurz frum cubz, n cudduld n snorgled dem frum cubhood awn up, jus liek we do wif owr kittehz. He sed it wuz teh totullee ossim, 2 heer teh… wut he deskrybed az purring, wif kapitul letturz, but wen he gotz teh klos enuf 2 petz dem, tehy wudunt purr so mutch az wen the tempul preests n akolytez wuz petting dem. He felted teh sad, taht his approtch prebented tehm frum relaxing enuf 2 purr liek taht, so he baked awaa, agin, n tehy started 2 … wut he cawld purring, again. WANT!!

              • Dana T says:

                Ai kan see eggzacly to whut thai r refrring. Iz veri moshinul, beeng wif teh tygers. Thai do mayke menny soundz whut cood be soundin liek teh giiant purrz. Anteh guy what went to da tyger temmple onlee teh tygerz dint no his well enuf. Thai ver purrticularz bout hoo thai lurvs. Ai finks taht whut thoz hoomins herd was tey ff-ff-ff soundz of teh tygerz “ohai!” Thai maykes teh ff-ff-ff wen thai kummferbal an relaxified.

                Heerz gud videoz of teh ff-ff-ff noyze. Memberer, al teh tygerz soundz a bit dfrrent frum eech udder.

                http://tinyurl.com/yu73xm

    • SolnEsther says:

      You might wanna frow him sum fud afore you goes in fer teh snorgle, a couple cheezburgers and a steak, praps sum chicken, the caddy, leftovers fum picnic …

      • sweepea says:

        …an annoying relatif oar two…

        • sweepea says:

          Bad nay burrs
          Candy dates for de bait
          Dandy lionz
          E…

          • Phillipe d'Beaker says:

            e-mail spam artists frum nigeria and elsewere
            free offers; just send us yer credit card
            government byooro-crats; an assorted box
            h…

          • 4½ Kittehs says:

            Hoomins taht toks politiks awn ICHC
            Iny 1 wifowt teh scents ob humor
            Jay wokkerz
            K…

            • Phillipe d'Beaker says:

              kkk and its relytives
              low-burger trolls
              mai big backlog of oberdue stuff

              • sweepea says:

                N -ergizer bunnee
                Oateeoz frum teh hellth fud stoar
                Pralinez wif pekanz (cuz if day stayz in teh houwze, i will eatz awl ob dem)
                “Q” frum star trek nex genrashun
                R…

                • Feelionophiliac says:

                  Rejektz frum humanity
                  Stoopy trollz
                  Too-self-impawtent peepz
                  U…

                  • Cottleston Pie says:

                    Used car salesmen
                    Vlad the Impaler
                    Whiny people

                    • cweenmj says:

                      X-spouzez
                      Yappee liddle dogz
                      Z

                    • 4½ Kittehs says:

                      Zellus prossil… prostl… um, peeps taht wantz to “conbert” u.

                      “Oateeoz frum teh hellth fud stoar” – ai’m wif u dere, sweepea.

                      • SolnEsther says:

                        How much do I luv these cheezpeeps!?!?! They starts an alphabetical list ob almost anyting at the drop of a cheezburger. I particular luv watchin wut happins after T Itz always intersting: Vlad the Impaler – X spouses – zealous protiutes ..
                        I need annuder box ob tissues I’se laffin so hard my noze is dripping and muh eyes watering.

                        • SolnEsther says:

                          Xcept der Jwalkers – I luvs NYC and iffen you visit The City as often as Esther and I do you hasta learn to Jwalk so I’se switching Jwalkers for Junior executives. Theys mostly self important ambitious meatheads.

      • gmawairsgreneshuz says:

        Yu injoyd piknik? ai dint maik it but hab nuf burgurz bai den fur munch heer. putz awn de baykunz, blu cheez, gray poopawn musturd. Kulurful an taistee.

  11. Kimmypage says:

    Ay-Ooooo!
    But sruzly, folkz……

    kp ;)

  12. rodney dill says:

    Your balls… I haz dem

  13. Jack Deth says:

    Grayt Beeg Kitteh libbz
    inz Bambuu Foarest. No wun
    ‘playz frro’ heer atz awll!

    Bambuu Foarest iz
    ‘wun stroak penultee’. Moar ifz
    Hewminz seez Kitteh!

    Gawlfurrz bettah hoap
    Grayt Beeg Kitteh iz tyredz oarz
    summwun willz getz hurt

    Gawlffengz iz a nyss
    walkz roo~endd. Sayfurr playsez
    2 taykz nyss lawngz walkz :-)

    Jack.

  14. Green Is Good says:

    Those woods look dangerous!

  15. CheshireKittehKat says:

    Tigure, tigure, burnyng brite,

    Iyn teh forrist ov teh nite,

    Wysh Ai mai adn wysh Ai mite,

    Wysh Ai getz mai wysh tunite

    (O, wayt, taht jes duzzent saound kwite kerrekt -
    Ai fink Ai can haz jes gawt 2 pomes mixeded up; fink 2nd wun iys Jyminee Krikkett, butt furst wun xcapes me?!!!)

    • Hyla's Brook says:

      Deh furst won iz William Blake – first stanza (der R 6 stanzas, butt de furst an last r de saem)

      Tyger! Tyger! burning bright,
      In the forests of the night,
      What immortal hand or eye
      Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

      Sumwon transl8 into lolspeak?

      • SolnEsther says:

        I lykes Cheshirekittehkat’s version more bettah. Herz rhymeser better, sints win did ‘hand or eye’ rhyme wid ’symmetry’. And it seems to me taht makin a wish on a big fero… fearo… scary qat like dat makes more scents den wonderin who built a frame. I prefers poems from real poets like Walt Kelly or Don Marquis.

        • SolnEsther says:

          Or, ob koarse, Jack Deth who not only makes der grate poetry but doesnt make us trasnlate it into LOLspeak.

        • gmawairsgreneshuz says:

          Yay! Watl Jelly. Mai heero.

          • SolnEsther says:

            Really ders annuder POGO fan inna werld? Ise so Happy. We must breed before become extinct. Um Axually Esther might take a dim view of dat, nemme mind

          • SolnEsther says:

            My grandpa was editor of Syracuse paper and he wuz frens wid Walt Kelly (who was a crank old coot dat dint like kids). I hab a hand drawn and colored framed panel wid a complete Pogo cartoon and in it is the pram wid my grandpa’s name It says ‘SS Voorhees’ onna side and ‘Good Ole Bob’ onna transom. Pogo invented LOLspeak as fer as I’m concernt.

            • altosinger says:

              Mai Daddy had uh Pogo buk wen ai wuz growin up—wun abowt “G. O. Fizzicle Pogo.” (actual spelling) Awlso grew up heerin Dek us Awl Wid Bawstun Charlie. Menny laffs, an moas awsum!

              • SolnEsther says:

                “Dek us awl wid Boston Charlie
                Wallah Wallah Wash. an Kallamazoo.
                Nora’s freezin onna trolly,
                Swaller Dollar, cauliflower, alleygaroo.
                Don’t we know archaic barrel?
                lullabye, Lilly boy, Louisville Lou.
                Trolly Molly don’t love Harold,
                Boola Boola, Pensicoola, Hullaballoo!”

                • SolnEsther says:

                  I have over a dozen Pogo books including the rare and valuable:
                  ‘Pogo’s Jack Acid Society Black Book’. I also have the hard cover edition of the POGO Song book with great lill numbers like ‘Baby don’t you Sugar Me”
                  (oh baby don’t you sugar me, oh sugar don’t you sugar me, or try to spoon, don’t stir me boy – cause us is throon – jest roll them eyes rite out that door)”. And thenere the unforgetabobble “One Small Suite for Two Brown Eyes” (quick my love, fetch the torch, there is no longer dark). I’m speck these had an unquantifiable influents on me durink muh formative years.

                • Shanmao says:

                  Mah daddeh still singz dat 1 awl teh tiem.

                  “We haz met teh enomny an he iz us”.

      • Jack Deth says:

        OHai, Hyla’s Brook:

        Kitteh, Kitteh wiff
        iez so bryte. Hoo~ebburr biltz
        U didz feengz juss ryte

        Kitteh oawnz t3h Nyte.
        Wenz Hewminz sleepz iz t3h tyme
        Kittehz cumz 2 lyfe

        Kitteh iz sawllidd,
        butz luukz likkwidz wenz stretttttchd owt
        oraz currrrrldz up Nappeeng

        Kitteh iz soopurbz
        mawrrvill ubz enjineereeng.
        Grayss purrsawnifyed :-)

        Jack.

    • Ambercat says:

      Tygurrr, tygurrr, bernin brite
      Wotch owt! Yu’ll set teh jungle alite!

      Stoelen form Spike Milligan, Ai tink

    • Dana T says:

      LUBBIT, this verzhun.

  16. Brad Hart says:

    Why pandas of the great bamboo forests are really going extinct…

  17. catalogical humor says:

    Jeezus Karyst, it’s a…
    …oh wait, it’s only a tigur,
    everything’s okAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!

  18. no1.safe says:

    Tiger Woods no lieks golf.

  19. salleh says:

    u guise sed awl teh funnee stuufff (an bery wel too) so ai jest sez…..oh wow, dat iz wun magnifico beest…….himz teh bbeeuuutifulllest……

    • Phillipe d'Beaker says:

      yew is right, salleh. eben wile making teh jokes, if you look closely, yew feels respect and awe (as in ossum). i duz, at least.

    • Shanmao says:

      Gawt 2 hold a babbeh last yeer – 6 weeks owld an alreddy bigger den r Maine Coon. Cud jus image-in hao beeg an gorjus hez gonna get. Naytur, she duz it rite.

  20. Eric says:

    Ai r in yoar bak yard keepin u kumpunee.



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