Your turn?
How about never? Is “never” good for you?
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder. lol caption: Brooksbelle
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.
I’ll byte yur hand off if youse tries!
Then when yur’re thru bleeding, you can feed me.
c0ngr adulashuns! b0rg presishun rools!
(hah, i just receebed a rekwest foar fwiend on fasebook by a Roymund Luc Picard adn wuz distrakted. yoo sent dat, dint choo?)
Wow - I be surprized - I replied to yur vile akuzation almost 30 minutes ago - didn’t show up yet!!! ICHC Cheezes - the warp drive still need repairin!
Ohai, Mary - back to yur vile akusation that I sent a preecisely timed distrakshun yur way…..YES!!!!!! And it wuz YOU that sent the postman yesterday wid a pakage that needed my signachur eksactly at noon, wuzn’t it!!!!! Well, revenge be a dish best served cold (but with a nice baslmic vinegar and a pinch of tarragon)
Anyway, to show my magnani…magmonami….um, nicer natchure again, here be a link for da Trekkies - iz from msn.com, talking about a major Star Trek exhibit that be traveling da country.
http://cityguides.msn.com/citylife/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6274961>1=10885
Now dat I haz posted this agin, I knoes the furst one will show up.
Mary, we be under attacks - I haz sent U two replies here in the past half hour - dis be da third. De not be showing up.
All ships, raise shields!
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ *omen us music*
SHEELDS UP!
con-cats-ulatshuns, CH!
Wut sort of danz u liek?
(nuffin iz comin to my brane to suggest)
Must be teh Teddy Bare’s Picnic!
If u goez down to teh woods today, ur shure of a big surprise
If u goez down to teh woods today, u bedder go in disguys
Coz awl teh bares dat ebber der wuz
Is gavvered dere for certin becoz
Today’s teh day teh teddybares has dere picnic!!!
an ebery teddybare hoos been gud, iz shur of a treet today.
der’s lotz of wunnerful tings to do, and marveelus games to play!
beneaf da treez, wher nobuddy seez,
dey frolic in dere BVD’s
cause dat’s da way da teddybares havs dere picnics!!
If you go down to the woods today you’re sure of a big surprise
If you go down to the wood today you’ll never believe your eyes
For every bear that ever there was is there today for certain because
Today’s they day the teddy bears have their rave up.
There’s angel bears who come on their bikes, all dressed in their leather gear
And gallons of Scrump, all green with lumps and ‘orrible Watneys beer
Yogi downed a pint of it quick, was very promptly ‘orribly sick
And filled up both of Paddington’s new wellies.
Rave up time for teddy bears
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today
Grooving to those heavy sounds, that only Status Quo know how to play
Cresta Bear is freaking out ‘It’s frothy Man’
It’s blown his little brain
Rupert Bear is on a trip, Winnie The Pooh is doing a strip, they reccon he’s on the game.
Now every bear that ever there was is sure of a treat today
‘Cos Mummy and Daddy and Baby Bear have found a new game to play
Beneath the trees where nobody sees there’s Goldilocks, tied up on her knees
You bet your life she’s getting more than porridge
If you go down to the woods today you’d better not go alone
It’s lovely down in the woods today but safer to stay at home
‘Cos it’s a really kinky scene, a big butch bear is playing the Queen
And they don’t call him Sugar Puffs for nothing
Rave up time for teddy bears
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today
Groping in the undergrowth
Oh what would Enid Blyton have to say?
See them as they prance around
Collapsing on the ground
They haven’t got any cares
At 12 o’clock the Coppers are coming to take them all away
For they’ve been naughty little teddy bears.
Written by Fred Wedlock, folk singer and genius
trade fur brgers?
If I see it, it is mine
If I want it, it is mine
If you have it, give it to me it is mine
If you want it, too bad it is mine
MINE
MINE
MINE
if i think i mite wannit any time in teh foochure, its mine.
if u just fownd it borked or in ur wai, it is nawt mine an ai had nuffing to do wiv it.
if teh goggie be habing it, its mine
an goggie be myne 2
ohai, SJ! teh press is owt side waytin fer yer commint on yore sentensing (the elebentee yeers communomity serbice wif LCB as yore parole offiser sinz she finked on you in a flea bargan)
foar doze obe yoo hoo missed teh tryal ob the censure ee:
dey threw teh book at hers( and the kitteh eeted it in teh pic frum lasts nite) wen her dint show up fer teh sentencing in the kase ware teh miskreeyant wuz tried fur drinking martoonies on teh jawb as persnikettypermitchekkerupper and akseptin teh payolas.
is OK SJ….we be vissitin you in jayl….we brings you green colord martoonie in Scope bottle, K?
Ai finks it wuz teh martoonies dat got me in dis mess in teh first place….wutever dis mess is…..
ah, well, no coherent commetn. i thot as mush.
therefoar, in the combinashun ob napolyonic code, rool ob 72, adn hamukolrahbee’s lawz dat keepz lawn order on ICHC, i hearby throw yoo on teh mersee ob the peeps.
i will aksept petishuns on behaf ob dis kangaroo cort as to dee exakt pun ishment she shud hab.
*POOM* brings doon gabble.
ps do you need an advokate to speek on yore behaf?
oh, btw, dis be in regardz to teh payola ob the shineeee fings probided by teh undercubber ajent Ambercat to distrakt the persnikettypermitchekkerupper frum the permit vyolashuns in the JCH$K Day, not the payola inbolbing the cownter feet munnies, or the Medikat skam. dem’s hole nudder mattuhs.
SUMBUDDY BRING ME A LEEGUL PROFESHNUL!!!! (an is nawt offen u’ll heer me say dat - unless ai’s hungry
)
*carefully adn diskreetly steps away from frothing at teh mouf person nown asSJ*
ummmmm. eney volun tears?
ai will represent yu SJ. Ai am a thee-yatrikal Proffeshunnul, and we awl know dat teh courts ob tihs grate nayshun are awl abowt teh drama.
Ai belleb mah cliyunt shud be releesed wif thyme served on account of awl teh good taste mah cliynut has awlways shown.
ober ruled.
*powts*
*shffles paypurrs buying thyme for a snap pea reply*
*looks arownd*
*wispers behind pawz*
i doo like snap peas, adn i kan be brybed…
*ahem*
yer onner
per haps we can hava recessment to discuss teh reprehe…repep…purrson to be SJ’s lolyer in a kwiyet corner of…PwincessMu’s garden. At tihs thyme of yeer, teh very discreet vegetubble garden known as JanetCanHasFudForAwlCreechursGratteAndSmawl is in full flower. Has yu seen mah 4HKlub award winnink Snap Peas, by teh wai? rite ober there - behind teh wed woses…
i fink a short resess wud bee yin orduh!
OOH! OOOH!
ai met Pawl Newman, and he played a lolyer in a moovie!! that musst maek meh kwalifiyed.
aisle giv this awl the considrashun it derserbs.
*paws for thot*
ober rooled.
Ize knows how to spell lolyer, does taht kount?
Ai wunz met Agatha Christie!!! Reelee, ai did. An she cud solve menee mystereez an crimez. Ai think taht shud maek mee VERREE hi-lee kwalified.
JCH$K, rememememember, she has awreddy ben twied adn fownd gilt ee, so dis is justa sentencing heering.
unless you hab mew ebidence foar a nupeel.
i habs da grouns foar nupeel!
well, i habs cawfee grouns. dat count?
ifs it plees da cort. mai lords un ladeez…
neways… i offers point ob proseejure? waz u werin yur beeg floofy wig? in teenytinyingerland yoo cant be jugein peeps wifout ur beeg floofy wig. derfoar, as awl peeps mus aknowleg, dere mus be mifstrial du to improper proseejure.
i watch da beeb awl da time. an i readed da alice in wunnerloland. i can has kwal… cual… i can beez advocato (onlee notz be makin me innto da guacamoli!
an if notz… i has da snap peas frum da gardens.
*pondurs*
dis sownds lik a rekwest for change ob avenue.
*thinks to self but if doodad, i wont get enny snap peas for
bribes…*
eye hab sum persnul kwayntunz wid Juj Dridd
sew that mowz deffiningerlatelee mex mii kwalif eyed!!
oanlee pwoblim eye C am dat him juss shootz ebbereebuddy n e waiz.
sew mebbeh iz nawt susha gud sujjez chun!?
Butt eye cud awlwaiz sai ‘cayz dizmisst’ an goe shute sumbuddee elze taht din’t mata ( spanish joek! - bot iph eye has to spain it…….)
sew: “Kayz dimsist!!1″
hey yu!! *bangz*
awl fixt.
ahem…*wispuz*
tanx SJ teh cukkeez am deeeelishh!!
ooh *luks berry eksited*
i gets it!!! i are tryin to lern spanyol and i akshullee gottid.
i fink!
WUT! HUNH? suddenley jumpz at the sound ob gunshot and comes bak to reealityee.
weeohhwweeeeohwwweeeeohwwweeeeoh
the secyuritee alarm soundz, peeps drawp to du floor,
adn SoWAT teems swrm the kort room adn caree orf gibbocat…
*bright voyce*
adn nao a werd frum ower sponsurs
kittehlishus!
otra dia
otro cuerpo!
es nada para mi, guapacita!!
Ha ha ha hahaha!!! ai getz it too!! But ai started out collej az a Spanish majur bfoar ai switched too mewsik.
janet, is dere anyfing you dont know?? you hab to write a buk!
ai brings manee manee snap peas (nawt foar “bribes” az ai wuld neber do such a haynis fing an i persownallee noes dat de rite onerabble juge mary habs too muches ob da gud caraktur to takes da bribes, but ai noes dat da juges mus be kampin… compre… um, paid fer der wurks!)
iz da oner sistim!
“yes, yer oner! no, yer oner! nice tie, yer oner!!”
soz, heerz a hole big baskets ob da peas jus fer u, juge o’spockn, yer oner!!
du eye juss shutez himz nao??/
oar juwanna comfy skate dem comestibbulz furzt, juj mary O’?
why, fank you minerva. snap peas halps me think better. has sumfin to dew wif the snapsis between by 2 brayne cellz.
*crunch* i feel smarter awreddy.
heer - lemmy cheque tehy ismt poyzin!!
*nomm nomm*
kant b 2 shoor…
*nomm nommm*
beddah nawt ryzk it juj mary O’
* nomm nommm*
hmm..? awl gawn?!!!1
naw, gibbo cat, lets nawt maek a snap decishun heer.
BTW, if yure gonna shutes, taek it owtside. i hate a big mess
in teh cortroom. Here *passes a snap pea to GC* try dis.
Gibbocat, unforchunatelee, duz nawt here dis advice.
He eats, shoots, adn leaves.
addy oze!! *brp*
awmost did teh ‘dragon faes’ wif mai cawfee wen eye red yor ‘panda’ joek!!
tanx mary O’ wunz again ube med mii laff mess elf stoopy!
mye werk here is dun.
ai didda jury dooty onse. dey sent me home erlly, so no servin onna triyal, but i sat in da jury room an redda buk for fife ourz! duz dat maek me quoalifiooble?
hey wutz goin on? dis wuz sposed 2b up dere unner SJ’s call fer leegle perfeshnul!
o, an nao it iz! dis so embearussin!
ok, wayte ober hear while i taek dis under konsiderashun. you look like just wut we need. i see you brot a book. good, yewll needit.
Spring, I wuz hopin youd hep us owt too. Dont be shy…we NEED choo!
Deer mary O’ - az yoo know, ai am nawt a legar profeshnul but awnlee a humbul citizen ov teh ICHC.
Ai wud wud leik to say sum werds in SJ’s defence, if it pleeze teh cort.
Furst - she gibbed mee mai pitchfork, which ai now uz az mai umbrellee an it haz saved mee menee tiems.
Second - as a yung gurl, she wuz forced to ware fuzzee green unnerware an run aroun outside in teh freezing cawld fur no porpoise wahtsumebber. Shurlee yoo can see how this mite hav . . .maed hur. . .sumwat less responsibul fur what she maybee dint doo.
an third - she libs in TeeneeTineeIngerland, an we awl noez thoz ar kinda eggcentrik peepl.
Therefore, ai wud ask taht she bee releesed wif no further consequences.
okay. after keerfull analisisisis, less taek dis poynt bye poynt:
Furst: so ebidintlee she’s an internashunal deeler in wepuns.
Sekund: she wuz a cross dresser az a yung wuman.
Thurd: she is ego centrik.
Aer you shure dese poyntsare in d’Fense ob SJ???
*ahem* wif frens like dat…
i b’leeve teh problum relates to martoonies. therefore, i suggest that the occifers ob teh court eech powr themselves a nice martoony, having their favorite flavor, and sip those while teh rest of us help SJ wif a disgyze … i mean, wif preparin her testimony.
.
hab an otter wun of those martoonies, yer honor.
hmmm. *razes won spoklike eyebrau*
i see wut chure doin dere.
* liks posabul thum*
* flippy flippy thru pajes in likddul noatbook*
Monshure d’Beeker, i see here you aer under inbestigashun by
iNterpol, teh Canajun Mowntees, adn the URL (union of rats, labaratorees)
i dont fink you want to be apeerin to offer a brybe to me.
But, your honor, living in Ingerland is evidence of lack of reason. I present Hamlet, Act V, Scene 1 as evidence.
HAMLET
Ay, marry, why was he sent into England?
First Clown
Why, because he was mad: he shall recover his wits
there; or, if he do not, it’s no great matter there.
HAMLET
Why?
First Clown
‘Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men
are as mad as he.
ummmm. sew, aer you speekin in defenze oar prosekyushun?
Defense, your honor! She is guiltless, since she is crazy.
Demens no sunt presto The guilty are not responsible
(my bad latin, let me show you it)
*waybes paw wildelee* Ur honor, Ur honor!!! Further ebi denss. . .
The great Noel Coward also rote “Only Madmen and Englishmen go out into the midday sun.”
oh, and I move that she be released on her own recognizance under the theorems of olfacatore violorum and pleni pisces
(Smelling of violets and pockets full of fish. My Terry Pratchett memory, let me show you it too.)
Mr. Slant is my hero!
janet!! taht wawz ‘mad goggeez’!!
iz nawt pwoppah ebidenz liek taht! *shhhh!*