Az long az does not requier Chikin Danse! Earwurm 4 U!!!11!!

How yoo tune two piccolos?

Shoot one!

Tank yoo, tank yoo, I’ll be here all week.

What’s the difference between a cello and a viola?
The cello burns longer.

Pegataur: here’s the version of the piccolo joke that I know:

How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.

One more, and then I’ll quit…

What’s the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?

You can tune a lawn mower, and the owner’s neighbors will be upset if you borrow the lawn mower and don’t return it.

wutz teh daffynishun ob purfek pitch?

teh acormdyon htz teh saxophone weh yew throw them in the garbij.

(ps. substituet teh instumentz of choize to amyuse yrself adn annoy myusishuns ob choyce)

the viola and chello jokes aren’t so funny to ME: my boiz played tehm in teh skool—beleef me, playin fore tehm iz far more paynful tahn listening 2 teh n00b skweeqs tehy makes. Difference between a chello an a viola—about two thosand bukks.

I a piccolo, flute, and piano player. I knows ALL da band/orchestra jokes.

What’s the range of a clarinet? About thirty yards, if you’ve got a good arm.

How do you get the trombonist off your doorstep? Pay him for the pizza.

Who are the people who hang around musicians? Percussionists

What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull? Bulls have the horns in front and the @$$ in the back.

When a musician can’t handle an instrument, they give him two sticks. When he can’t handle that, they take away one.

Stop!!! I laffin so hard, mah syde hurts!

Romeow,

Juz wanted to sai - joo been on a roll todai an joo givs me much needed cheering ups.

Fankoo.

Awwww…Annyluvsprintie,
I juss caem hoam an saw ur postie an u maed mah nite.

I fink it habs been an extra funneh dai fur eberybuddeh.

Hopes u gots ur sads owt and let the happehs bak in.

{{{{{{{{{{annyluvsprintie}}}}}}}}}}
*smoo*

hay pegataur! ai got wun too!

whuts teh definishion uv a minor second?
two floutists playing in unison!

oooh! ai jus remembered a reel gud wun!

Band Gods

Conductor:
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to god

Trombone player:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if sea is calm
Talks with god

Oboist:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks to god if special request is approved

Floutist:
Rarely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by god

Bassoonist:
Makes marks on the wall when trying to clear short buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog-paddles
Talks to animals

Saxophone player:
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives 2 times out of 3
Is not issued any ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls, argues with himself

Clarinet player:
Too afraid too jump building because of their reed
Works in locomotives
Too busy with reed for gun
Throws reed into water
Thinks reed is god

Trumpet player:
Argues with building when it won’t get out of the way
Sleeps in locomotive
Claims it’s too easy to catch bullets in teeth when explaining why he really can’t
Saves water to drink after every triple C
Thinks he’s god.

Tuba player:
Don’t really exist
Plays silently
Are really mimes in disguise
Believe there is no god

Percussionist:
Falls over the doorstep when trying to enter buildings
Says “look at the choo-choo”
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Loses arguments with himself

Horn player:
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
Is god

ai gawt tihs frum a frend whu played frenh horn.

bai teh way,

ai ees alto saxamaphone,

yah- n sumdai uz willz growed up n beez a tremor saxamaphone!
den u getz awld n becums a bass clarinetz ur mabe…. a buffoon!

momcat