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The Lady of Broccolishireham
kitteh is biding his time. he’l get dat ball wen he’s gud n reddy.
concrats, idcih, fur ur nawt secund!
Im shure teh dansers will be heer vairy sune to halp wiv yor sellabrayshun.
Well – wun danser is heer! Ai suspekt teh otters ar franticallee shoppeeing or decorating or writing KrissMussKards or cleaning or. . . . Ai just sit down so now an then –
But heers an idea. Since round an round is the tehme, suppose we purrtend to bee teh Whirling Dervishes. Prittee skurts wud halp – but nawt required.
You just spreds awt your arms an begins to twil – nawt to fast. Iz supposed to put yoo in a tranceliek state, ai think. Ai also think we mite end up in a beeg peeplheep awn the floor.
So ai’m whirling an twriling fur idancescauzizhappy. Enewun care to joyn mee?
ai jyon u Janet…..mi “hawt date ” went psstttfffttttssfftt….
nawt so hawt akshually……an ai alreddy wareing a trurwly skirt…..
*twurllllll,….twurrlllll….twurrlllll*
hart nawt in it todai…..iz ruff tyme….
but teh kitn iz teh cyute, wiff hiz liddle perky eerz.,…
Sorri youre dayte went pppffffftttt, salleh.
He donno what he’s missin!
Dis is naice eazi dans – I can do it!
*twurrrlll – twurrllll – twurrrlllll*
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
salleh – ur howt date that went psstttffftttssfftt… prolloy saw ur trurwly skirt en sed to hemself: Oh, Oh. This is some crazy lady who likes cats, cheeseburgers, and dancing. I do not like cats, cheeseburgers, and dancing. Bye!
So u c, salleh, u bery luckee! nowt gud match. u shud be happee for such gud luck!
so danse, salleh, danse!!!!
*twurlll … twurlll … twurlll*
n showt “happee nowt sekend, idancecauzizhappy!!!
*lllruwt … lllruwt … lllruwt*
(ai duz opusit drecshin – undu dizzees – ai ho-ho-hope!)
Oh, Gurl, dat hawt date not deesurb u.
Dear Hawt Date:
Plllllllbbbbbbbbb!
U has missed owt sorelee!
If u is luckee, u MITE get annuddur chants.
Butt doan cownt on it.
Sincerely,
Kat
/dismissal paw flip
Glad too hab u wiff us, Salleh!
Now I dantz wiff a taffetta emuruld green twirlee skirt fur teh furstee idansecauzishappy!
!
/
/too fatt furr teh twirlee skirt, butt dis is teh magikul place,
*twirly twirly twirly*
good ting I not dwink too much at the fambly x-mas party.
SEEE ????? wat ai sed yesterdaze iz sooooo trooooo…!!!!!
ai came home…feelin awl stoopy (well ai did put mi feetz in mi mouff a cupple ob tymes….)and sed sumfin ’bout it heer……an go watchez utube an “Qi” fur a wile…..comez bak heer,
an u guise r rallied roun goin …..iz OK Salleh …..we lovz u an he a big stoopy……
madeded me laff an ai feelz muches bedder naow…..
fank u mi cheezfrenz !!!!
iz troo…..ifn nawt a gud match……bedder to fine out noaw….nawt mounfff , oar yeerz dwon teh line !!!!
so ai joinz teh danse wif a liter lart…….
*twurly twurly twurly*
*sllllide to teh leff*
*slllide to teh rite*
* twurly twurly twurly*
FANKZ AGIN MI FRENZ !!!!!!!
YAYYY!!!
uhm….. akshually ai hab a lighter hart……nawt a liter lart…..
stoopy keyboard….
*tahtz’z mi stori an ai’m stikin to it…..
Oh, Salleh…I haz nawt knowen yu tu longs but….. everiboddy elsss right: you da lucki wun to get awai frum de reelli nawtsohawt gai…. cuz, you’s a gud purson, Salleh – youz dezerbs da bestest!
*qwik hugs an runz awai*
*runz affer 3heathens ….an gib her (?) (canat tell wiff sum naems, an teh guyz roun heer ar a nise as teh ladies) a qwilk hug bak…*
*we boff runz awai* (in saem diractshun…..silleh uz !!)
*teeehehehe*
Iz gurl… mai udder namez ‘momof3heathens’ – wuz tu lawng to typz alla tymes!!
tanks fer da hugz!
*runz awai to hidez behin Kathleen togevver*
pee ess… teh 3 heathens are mai bois…. not mai kittehs….. uv which I habs 3, tu!! 3 is mai lukee nomnomnomber, I finks!
Kathleen !!!!! noaw u gots 3 ob us hiding behine u……tteeeheee….
(gotz dis mentaul imaje of Kathleen……followed by 40 elebenty ob us……hidin….)
an 3heathens…..fur sum reeesun ai hadda sneekin suspshun taht u weer referin to boiz (ob teh hoomin kine)…..
cood be ai jest natchuarlli fink *bois=heathens*
whi do ai getz teh feelin taht ai cood getz in trubble fur taht !!!!
” cood be ai jest natchuarlli fink *bois=heathens* ”
I luff dat! Yep, I tink dat wai, tu! Iz surr… serow… gotz dem all ‘rownd me! Tree bois…. each a biggr heathen dan teh nexks wun!
Iz cant tell u how menni tymes ai gotz in trubble 4 callin dem ‘heathens’ lyk dat!! Sum peepl and der nao cents ub hyumor!! (I fink raphael fits dis catagorie!)
3heathens, yu mite reed teh buk bai Shirley Jackson cald “Lyfe amung teh savages”
Its nawt noo, but Ai LOLd vairy harrd when ai red it.
Tanks, Elvis, fur the rekkymendashun! I wull luk fur eet da necks tyme I’z at da libralolary! ‘Cuz, de kin be verry mush lyke teh savages!! ( dey iz 20, 11 an sebben-almos-ate!) I kin use a brake frum the edgymakashunal buks I bin reedin!
OH Elvis……..u hab menshuneded wun ob mi berry berry favorite bukz !!!! I fink she wrot 2 about her fambly……
der’s wun chapter when she iz talking about how dey awl swiched bedz in teh middle ob the nite…….do u know teh wun ???
noaw ai hab to go awn a mission to fine taht buk agin…….
gotz songz fur dis-
howz bout beach boys “I get around”?
momcat
o hai, idcih! congratchewlamayshins awn teh nawt sekond!
ai joinz teh dervish danse wif elvis an janet, in mai preddyest ty-an-dy skert.
*spredz armz*
*twerl*
*twerl*
*twerl*
*fwump!*
oop! ai nawt berry gud dervish. ai fink ai needz a liddl brandi wif a shot ub egnawg tu approach tranceliek stayt.
Ai mai as well juss start owt in the peeplheep… I hab been kinna dizzee wiff dis cold todai, so twirleeng will moss deffinootly hab me awn mai bum! Ai’ll juss sit heer wiff my rumandeggynoggy and watch yoo awl danz!
Ooooh, juss finking abowt it is maykin me dizzee! Woo!
kitteh gud n reddy to get ball at 2AM wen nobodee awake!
I have you this time !!! prepare to meet your doom !!!
Wut goze arownd cums arownd
an arown an arown an arown!
interestin.
I muss pondur teh ironee ub dis furthur.
Each times it comes around its as exciting as the first.
Whear IZ awl teh regular peeps???? No can have Furstie Dance without Janet an Melissa!
.
Hmmm they mus be shoppin for owr crissmass prezentz.
‘sokay. I danse by mehsself.
rockin round da chrisssmass tree! (wich I shuld achsually probbly go put up nau. teh rellytives iz comin erly caus dey has lawng wkend.)
Oh hai – yur dansing down heer! Ai’m dansing up there fur yoo. Rockin roudn da chrissmss tree mite bee easier. Ai wuz getting a liddle dizzy!
Haha, i spoze i culd spin liek a wirrling durviss round my chrissmass tree, but I mite nock it ovar. iz a liddle wobblie rite nau. mebbee ay’ll spin were teh chrissmass tree wuz befor. iz moar spase dere.
Be keerful wif dah tree, u mite need it layter. One yeer I had to tie my tree to dah curtain rod to make it stay up. It wuz a mighty crooked tree! Naow I haz to be satisfied wif a small not-real tree becuz of allergees and asthmaz, bof mine and Mr. SK’s.
But I had to laff dat it iz nawt up yet. hehehehehe. I am nawt as kwik wif dat as I used to be.
But wun yeer wen I wuz sikly, it stayed up until almost Easter.
I guess dat eevens theengs owt, huh?
wull, sumz uv uss bee iwweglar peeps but wez speshul 2, wite?
weeeelllllll….ob CORSE !!!! awl teh peepulz hoo com an plai wif uz awl r teh speshul peepulz !!!!
an ‘sidez kiwican…….u round heer a loawt…..u wun ob teh regulurz…..
derz a laowt moar regulaurz dan u mite fink,…….we waz countin dem up teh odder daze an teh list kept growin an growin an growin…
an ai fink dat we so genial (genuis???) dat loawtz ob peepulz hoo been watchin uz hab decideded to joyn wiff teh fun…..so we gotz loawtz ob NEW cheezfrenz hoo hab jumpeded in wiff boff feetsies……
an taht’z gud too, tehy iz teh funnee !!!!
Mebbeh dey goan to fambly wivout interwebz? I is goingz tomorro.
Ups, taht ment to be replai to Cookie.
Liddle kitteh already finding ways to break laws ov physsiks
Dat iz wut is so speshuls abowt littel kittehs an bunneh an puppehs.
Evrytin in noo!
Liddill Kitteh swottz
t3h bawll 2 goes away, butz
it cumz bakk 2 play
Bawll travillz rowndz wunse
purr swat. Kitteh needz mussilz
dat himz hazzn’t gawtz
Ubz Kitteh, t3h Bawll
iz nawt afrayd. Maykz Kitteh
plawtz anuddurr rayd
Jack.
classik jack…
I don’t know what this got on the main page. It’s not really that funny.
Like a certain comment.
*whistles and looks around innocently*
/anybody ever wonder if people write this stuff and don’t really mean it…that they just enjoy all the responses they sometimes get?
Kathleen …..ai sees u gotz ur seriuz “protectur” cloak awn todai !!!! u leepeded to mi protecshun frum teh “nawt-hawt” date…an u awl obber teh trolls..
u a veritablley mama bear …….
*goes an hidz behin Kathleen*
sic ‘em gurl !!!!!
Awwww….
Heer, hab a big juicy cheezburgur…
OT – this picture reminds me of what we used to do with the empty cardboard wrapping paper tubes. Poke a pencil across the opening of one end. Put a ping pong ball in the tube. Poke another pencil across the opening of the other end. The ball is now trapped inside the tube. Set it on the floor with one end propped slightly higher than the other so the ball is on the lower end. Introduce it to your kitteh who will try to reach in to get the ball (which the pencil is blocking) but the ball will bounce off the paw, roll up the incline, then roll back down. Guaranteed to keep your kitteh busy, busy, busy! Be sure to either put it away during your sleeping hours or put it in an area where the noises will not bother you. Have Fun!
Fanks fur da noo toi!
Helps me! I hav no idea what teh contrapshun teh kitteh is sittin on is!
Explanashun wud be good thnx!
Hai Chantal.
It is a kitteh toy. It is circular. Then inner circle is filled with cardboard for kittehs to stretch their claws. It can be sprinkle it with catnip to attract the kitteh. The outer circle is a ring in which the ping pong ball will circle round-n-round everytime the kitteh bats the ball. Many hours of entertainment.
an fun 4 ur kitteh too!
ai bebbeh sitted a ol kitteh wif fien figger (jus liek bowlin-bawl kitteh) and teh majistick floof. an he jus adoar dis toi — but oanly iff it kontayn katnyp. den he wud kurl up awn kardboard an snooz, instint-liek. ai nebber see himz waest eeben a moemint battin teh ping pong bawl!
Hai Chantal. Dis fing are a “Turbo Scratcher” an’ philene are alreddy has deskribed eet purrfeckly.
Peaches, teh Angel Catburger, him had 2 ob dese, wun een da libbing roum an wun een da bedroum. Da firs’ tiem him whakked teh bawl awn teh wun een teh bedroum, eet were een teh wee hourz ob da mawnin’, an’ Tiny Cheezburger were asneep. Butt den! Teh bawl whent WHOARRRRRRRRRRRR R R RRRRR r r r rrr r rrr an’ woak meh ups. An’ Ai sed: OMGLOLWTFBBQ, kitteh, whut were DAT?
Afturr dat, him nawt plai wif da bawl muchs.
Butt teh pad een teh middl, OMG, teh Angel Catburger were een lubs. Wif or wifout teh catnips. Eet were him “Alls-Purrpose Soother fur Alls Moodses” … if him were happi, him wud beat awn him Turbo Scratcher. If him were angri, him wud beat awn him Turbo Scratcher. If him were hungri, him wud beat awn him Turbo Scratcher. If him had just has had naps, him would beat on him Turbo Scratcher. If him had just has had teh pottytiem, him would beat on him Turbo Scratcher. Buts him alwais ownly used teh wun closest tu wherevars him Momma (Tiny Cheezburger) were at.
MOMMA MOMMA MOMMA GUESS WHUT!! *scratchscratchscratch*
ai hab nebber seed teh kine wiff teh scritchin stuffina middl….GENEEUZ !!!
mien waz emtpi in teh middle…..but teh kittehz lubed tehm anwai, taht’z awl teyh new…
but boi did dey lob them …..waz fun to plai wiff teh bebeh kitnz wen dey furst saw dem….ai’d bat teh ball to dem, an dey weer lik ” ????” an den a’d bat it bak teh odder wai…..an dey wood put der liddl paw n an OMG ,…..teh ball wood stop….an bonce offn der paw, an dey lood luk up at me n der eyz wood open widee !!!
oooohh ai getz it now….an dn whoosh whooosh whoooosh dey be at dat fing fur hourz…..
Ai lubs eet when kittahs gets dat luuk … wif dere hed tilted an’ eyez wyde an’ mouf opens … OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG WTF LOL BBQ SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! them sez!
Deer TC&AC – thankz fur teh lufflee storee about Peaches. Ai dont recall yoo tellin so mutch about him befoar. Ai alwaiz wanted to know – but dint want to ask, becuz ai knowed hao sad yoo wuz an dint want to maek yoo crai.
*sniff* – so nao ai crai insted!! Whut a wunnerful kitteh. *sniff, sniff*
Yoo will awlwaiz hav Paris.
Fankoo, Janet. Ai crais wif u nao. Happi crais, tho.
Him were teh wundermous, fur sure.
Ai lubs u, Janet! {{{{{Janet}}}}}
R u also mad 4 Brad? Srry, RHPS sumtimez appeers in mai hed wif no warnink (…it came frum owta spayce…)
My kitties have one, I replaced the original ping pong like ball with one that lights up when it moves. They love it. Especially at 4am (That’s why it isn’t in the bedroom anymore.)
It makes a pretty awesome whirrrrrr as the ball goes around too.
ai sed whooosh an u sed whirrr…….but upon reflekshun……ai do beleeve iz moar ob a
“rakkity rakkity rakkity rakkity rakkity rakkity”
how do u replase teh bawl ?????? lited wun sonds teh kool !!!
I gut rid of u jez a sekond ago!
One day teh ball will leave teh kitteh, an teh kitty will want teh ball bak.
itz liek dejah voo all ovur agen!
Eye tink thay is laffin at mee.
Kitty sez: “The Force is strong with this one…”
Kittn roolette.
Ai bets awl mai cheezburgers awn mai lukkee nummer: two
(is alsow mostest ai kin kownt too)
Mai nem-uh-sis iz back!
Spoinng… spoinng… spoingg..
The U.S. Open went very, very slowly this year. Officials had to stop play periodically, to allow the courts to be cleared of cat hair.
The best cat toy in history……I have 4 cats, none of them tire of this contraption…..all are of superior intelligence, yet not one of them has figured out that “it” will not go away one day….its the most cat addicting thing outside of catnip!
Merry Catsmas Everyone!
Mumbledore
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:
M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.
along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it “the terminator”. First I crouch down in the shower in the classic “naked terminator traveling through time” pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.
Please don’t impose your crude abbreviations on viewers who are here for the humor, not the gutter language.
im srss dis pic is frum mai neibrz garage! haz saim toy saim LOLcat!