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as god as my witness


funny pictures

i no eated da cookie

so u say, but legally, u kitteh is in quite a pickle.

picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder, lol caption: Laurenzo

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» 172 Comments

Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?

» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.

 
  1. No, Kitteh, we catched u red-handed!

    I means, pink-pawed/

    • Romeow says:

      Happeh Mundane Dai fur teh grate composer…
      L C B !!!!!!!!!!

      Hao shall we sellabrate dis grate nawt secund moment in tiem?

      • In onnur of GWTW, I can has Virginia Reel?

        *reel reel reel reel*
        *twirl around to show off floofy hoop skert and dainty pantalets*
        *reel reel reel reel*
        *dance wif Rhett Butler, scandalize all teh proper ladies*
        *reel reel reel reel*
        *marry all teh mens*
        *reel reel reel reel*
        *bow to no one*

        I think that’s how it goez…

      • Romeow says:

        That’z a grate danse!
        Ware iz cSmall wif da costumes?

        swing spin twirl bow
        swing spin twirl bow

        go bak fur moar “refreshmints.”

        • Kathleen says:

          did sumwun say costume?

          Oh. I noes mah costume. I wunts an emurald green taffeta dress wiff teh low boosum (u caint bee showin dat in teh moanin!) an big poofettee sleeves, an big huge hoops….*sigh*

          • Mz. Jackal says:

            U soooo lucky lolcat burgaler…u gotz comik….i can no haz comik.

          • Romeow says:

            U juss wan ur dress to mach ur eyes.
            Iz nawt enuff to hab awl teh Toms in teh county lukin at U, butts U hab to tri to git Sueellen an Careen’z Toms, tew?

            • cSmall says:

              heer i iz

              rite: Amerrycan Civil War dresses: sloping shoulders, gentle curveded bosoms, teenytiny waists(on teh interwebs we can awl has them – no remooving teh ribs!), hoopdedoos wif teh petticoatses and pantyloons to nawt scandalizes owr mommehs. shiny hair, back close to teh hed wif gentle kerls neer teh front. brite colored silks that russel wen yu wok.

              bois in frock coats wif tight pants. tawl collurrs wif brite stocks, sum richly patterneded brocadey waistcowts.

              izit reely formal? yu wud prolly hav come wif hats’n'gloves(bois&gurls), but a VA reel iz maybe less formal?

            • cSmall says:

              hai fwends – i has 2 go hoam nao. if yu needs halp wif yer costyooms, yu can aks Bob Mackie – hims did a nyse GWTW on teh telly a wile ago…

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjhtxfSMIWk&feature=related

              kthxbai!

            • D Marie says:

              Its funny, but teh firs thing that popped into my hed as a costume fur teh Virginia Reel was a tan shirtwaist wit an oranj necktie, brown knee-highs, saddle oxfords, an a brown wool beanie.

              In otter werds, a Brownie Scout uniform. See mai blog for silly picture time.

            • Kathleen says:

              Romeow, wuz u talkin too MEE?

              *faints frum pleshur*

            • Romeow says:

              No need to akt coy, Kathleen.
              Dat dress doan zaktly scweem “coy.”

              *slowly blinks, then stares just a little longer than a polite kitteh should*

            • JanetCanHas4Kittehs says:

              *fanning Kathleen* Thanks, cSmall, as alwaiz fur the byootiful costyooms. ai wud liek teh sea green wun overthere, pleez, to go wif mai eyes. Ai just luv these dresses – so fun to danse in.

              Ai’m awl reddee. Ai will join lcb and the otters fur the refreshing beverajes. Kathleen, yoo cud do wif sum punch, ai think.

            • dogbotherer says:

              cSmall, i lykes de men in de tight pants.
              ~le sigh~
              and the other end of the spectrum – kilts!
              i sits here and finks of menz in either of dem whilst “studying” for a final eggsam tonite.
              iz a nize study atmosfeer.

            • JanetCanHas4Kittehs says:

              Indeed! Teh meer thot, fur eggsampul. ov paws4thot in hiz prinz charlee outfit iz enuf to maek wun qwite giddee.

          • thisncat says:

            I still haz dat trampuleen an I can mixes a bigee batch uv da martoonees for ene wun dat wunts tu com ober to mai howse. Jumpz, drinkz, jumpz, drinkz…..

  2. Romeow says:

    Tara, oh my Tara…

  3. Christoball says:

    Humm… Ur eye is strange, no? U luks liek evul kitteh to meh. U will hold teh wurld rasnom for one mllion dollarz!

    • kitkay says:

      ummm…jus how mush money is dat in cheezbergers?

      • Sorry, mah majic calculater only converts hunnert dollar towels into Euros, Ingerlish pounds and dog pounds.

        But if we knew how many cheezburgers would fit on a hunnert dollar towel, we might be able to come up with something.

        If only we didn’t eet up all teh cheezburgers befoar we fill up teh towel. Science is once again thwarted by tastey hot beef sangwiches with melted dairy products on them.

        • mary O'Spockn says:

          snerk- i thingk i just enhaled a pistashio because yoo med me laff. halp!

          • Donut worriez MaryO! We’ll send a reskew squirlol down ur froat to removerate teh pistashio.

            I hope u rembered to remoov teh shell first this time.

            • mary O'Spockn says:

              fanks. i thimk.
              furtunatelee, duh shel i remooved furst.
              howsomever…
              not shore bout dat squirlol idear. how bout i just prutend it be a harebawl and skork it up?
              kthxbai
              ps but thnx furr the kwik rezponze. duz you no heyemlig minoover?

            • mary O'Spockn says:

              oooooo just thot of sumfin- OT uf corse
              i jest returnd frum trip wif eUro type coinage (franz) and gibbed my stewdnts sum off dem as cheeplike suuvineers. dey axed Duz won off doze ittybitty cents i gots from the Fronsch wurk in udder eUro countries ore onlee duh cons witch sez euRo wurk in odder eU contrees?
              ennybunny no?

            • JanetCanHas4Kittehs says:

              Any Euro works in any Euro country. Doesn’t matter if they are the French or German or whatever.

              It USED to be, but I don’t know if they stil do it, that touristy border countries would take their neighbors currency. Like you could use German marks in Salzburg (Austria), which is right on the German border. I don’t know if now, non-euro countries accept euros or if you have to change them. But you can go for a very long way in Europe without having to change money any now.

              But I’m not quite sure what you mean. You mean the 1, or 2, or 5, or 10 cent Euro coins? Yes, all the little coins can be used everywhere, too. National pride is why everyone has country coins – but they’re still all just euros.

            • kitkay says:

              Mee finks dat teh Frenchies has teh most pride in there kountry—HANDS DOWN!!!

              Germens another matter–a cuple of yeerz ago I red on “Der Spiegal” that teh question “should one be proud to of Germany” cheez, i cannt translate eggsaktly–i thing it wuz teh world “darf” which could also me “may” one…or “iz it proper” to be proud to be a german (“Darf man stolz auf Deutschland sein”) . This kwestion elicited a enormaus debat and discussion among teh Germ. Peepz. Some sed “yes” others “no” und many other ideas und reasons were discussed. It is trooly a pity und shame taht teh ider of Jermany” is tied 2 Hilter still to various degrees. Germany meens menny odder things, ob coarse–pilosophers, composers, poets, high standard of workmanship, grate Autos, etc.

              However, aside frum awl dese menny poynts, teh ideer of patriotism, as wee US-ians envishun it–is furreign to them. They cannt relate two it, rlly, und prefer to tink of demselves as citizens ob Europe ore, eben teh whirld. (one reason for this iz probably that teh ideer of “nationhood” kame berry late in teh history ob teh German volk–dey exisited in little nationstates. To the Deutchers, our idear of national pride iz naugt so grate, aksually, an it wood B bedder 4 us to thing of Rselves moar az citizens ob the whirld, ’stead of concentrating on “we be Amerikans–we be awl dat–we be teh best, etc” und tehy sertenly havva poynt.

              Nevertheless, in addishun to teh common syde portrays brigges or windoes, az a noshun of connektedness, while teh odder side haz specifik countries emblems or fameus peepz (usu. NAUT politicians).

              srry 4 long nerdiness und I wish us all “PEACE ON EARTH” ebbery won.

            • thisncat says:

              kitkay You hit the nail on the head. We have had German exchange students stay with us for the past four years. 4-6 weeks at a time. The national pride thing is probably the most intruiging thing they encounter. That, and hockey-love it! They are kind of perplexed by the high school pride thing too. (t-shirts, banners, pep rallies etc…) They indeed are sensitive that the rest of the world ties them to the Hitler era, or that is how they see it. We do an experiment of sorts by taking them to the local mall and have them ask shoppers “What is the first thing that pops into your head when you think of Germany?” Most people say automobiles or Oktoberfest. I have never heard of anyone mentioning Hitler. The students come away from the experience scratching their heads! When visiting Germany, anything Hitler era related is usually the last place host families suggest as an outing.(If at all)

              Not nerdy at all kitkay, berry interesting. “PEACE ON EARTH” indeed.

            • SJ says:

              JCH4K is right – Euros is Euros. Each country can press their own coins so you have “French” Euros and “German” Euros but they are all legal tender in any member state that has adopted the currency. I travel a lot in Europe so have a “pool” of Euros (but ju cannawt swim innit) from all over that I use all over. But – remember that not all European countries have adopted the Euro, the UK of course still has pounds but Denmark also kept its national currency the Krone – as I forget everytime I go there and then remember when I try to pay for something in Euros and they snort at me. In Ireland, the south uses Euros and the north Pounds. Some big stores even in the UK will accept Euros and other currencies but they are not obliged to.

              And in Scotland they still have Pound Notes which are legal tender in Scotland but not in England (down here we just have coins) – Scottish £5 and £10 notes ARE legal tender in England although some shops are a bit funny about taking them.

              Sorry couldn’t begin to do all that in lolspeak. I will go and find something silly to say somewhere else immediately.

            • jjtucker says:

              thank you for this informative and educational lesson this fine tuesday morning. i do learn so much from my cheez frenz. learning and laughing with all of you is the best!

            • dogbotherer says:

              i gotzta sai, we texans take dat pride fing even further.
              we iz texans furst, us-ians secundt and whirld peeps fird.

              we had a teecher at our skul 3 years ago from florida, nice yung man, gud luking tew, and he had to teach de texas history. he found our pride odd. den, he kinda cught on. he was gettin into de swing of fings whin life threw heem a better job and he left.

            • mary O'Spockn says:

              many Fanks for all in fomation. i feeel vurry smart nao!

            • mary O'Spockn says:

              ps the Fronsch, in spite of the steroeteyp were very helpfull the hole tyme i wuz visitin. and ebben doe i have less then zeroe knowage of Fronsch prouounhshashun, no one wuz ebber rood. srsly. mebbee dey figurred it wuz “be neyce to weird muricun” day. ennyways, now i lub Paris.
              kthnxbonejure

            • Kathleen says:

              mebbee cuz u wur POLITE, Mary. :)

              I has a theeree that private peepul (germuns)not as culture prowd as gregarius (texan) peepuls. I cud beee verreh wrong.

              Wehn I tink ub Germanee ( wuz born der) I tinks ub teh fact that to deny teh holocaust is a CRIME there.

              If dat is not sum lernin frum mistakes, doan noe wut is. I find it oddlee tuching.

              I lubs peepul frum all obbur teh wurld. Sad dat not ebburybodee duz. I tink dat will change soon! :)

              /I saw sum men dat looked Afrikun in Citrus Heights, CA today, walking down Antelope ! Peepuls in teh cars wuz lookin wif teh cyuriosehtees! One looked like hee had on hospital scrubs wiff teh mos fabulus junglee deesine, and teh uddur had on long floor leength robe like a muumuu. I tot, “Reel Afrikuns!” an got eggsited.

  4. Miriam says:

    Am I first?

  5. Tribble says:

    Spock kitteh sayz “Lif long an prospurr”.

  6. two_kittehs says:

    Kitteh president takes the oath of office

  7. KoS says:

    High-five me bro!

  8. Tribble says:

    But whut duz ceilin cat sai?
    Oh, an Santa?

    • yippee!!! says:

      c’mon, joo kno I R to old 2 bleev in Sandy Claws, and ’sides taht, I iz a agnostikat.

      • Tribble says:

        Nebber sai u doan belief een Santa! (Eben eef u doan.)
        U mai bee willin tu take dat chanz wit ur Crizmaz prezantz, but eyem not!

        U heerd dat Santa? Eye still belief een u!
        Eye noez u seez eff wii awl nautee or nize awl da tyme.
        U noze eff da kitteh eated da cookie or not.

        • kitkay says:

          If teh jolly ole Sandy Claws iz sush a awl cee-in yet awl gud-bee-in, denn he gibs praysents 2 ebberybuddy–heez naut partial.

  9. abracatabra says:

    No pikturz plz! Iz not my gud side!!

  10. Romeow says:

    Butts, nao dat I see dat U akkuze meh eben wen I no eeted da cookie, U cans b shure dat I will next tiem.

    I muss lib ups to ur low expektashions ov meh.

  11. D.R. says:

    Do u sware ta tell da troof

    Da hole troof

    An’ nuffin but de troof, so halps u, cheezburger?

    –Ah doez.

  12. two_kittehs says:

    Kitteh witness put her hand on the lolbible, befores her testimony says I will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help meh ceiling cat.

  13. LuvBJones says:

    Maek shur kitteh not crossin teh widdle toez behinds her backs…

  14. Kathleen says:

    Tuxxie Kitteh, u iz soo sweet, so awesum, so full uff udorubul, (speshullee wif dat sweet littul skweezuhbull paw..) I is afraid I cannot hold out much longur….

    SPLORT!!

    dag nab it!

    sorry CCC!! I tries too cleen up, k?

    • Romeow says:

      Nao dere dere Kaffleen. Hao did dis happenz? Didn’t U hab ur CHRG (wdoi)? Dis is a bery dangerus picshur.

      Heer, letz meh halp U.

      *mop, mop, mop*

      Nao I juss scoop awl ur brains bak insyde…purrfect. Heers a sowftie blankie an sum Catbury choklit. Wud U liek to go to the HSRW? The meadow is byootiful todai. There is a lite breeze, an burds r singing sweetly. Teh honey bees r busily flying from flower to flower under the big wite puffy clowds.

      U rest till U feelz strong again.

      *pats hed, gibs kiss ona cheek*
      {{{{{Kaffleen}}}}}

      • Kathleen says:

        mai gawd.

        wut I dun too desurb DIS?

        I almoas crai.

        Tank u, Romeow.

        (I furgets…wut is HSRW?)

        hunnee bees…sigh…

        • JanetCanHas4Kittehs says:

          *whispers* Hed Splort Recovery Ward. Wif teh Princess Mu Flower Mewdow outside teh beeg pikshur window. An teh outdoor cafe with teh PARFAITS!

          • JanetCanHas4Kittehs says:

            *whisper again* Kathleen – did yoo see above? Romeow blinked slowlee at yoo. And yoo shurlee knows what TAHT meens!

            • Kathleen says:

              wut, wut?

              I is confyuus-ed! Wut abowt dat blinky business? Wut DUZ dat meen?

              (oh, dear,….dats wut I gets fur habbin teh drinkees an postin…)

              JANET,…u said parfaits!!!

              (I feels so welcum heer….:) )

            • JanetCanHas4Kittehs says:

              Oh, Kathleen! Donut tell mee yoo hass drinked and posted!!! Liek teh no-no – donut drink and dial! (Ai awnlee just heered taht last week, beleev it or nawt! Ai needs to get awt moar! )

              But the blinkee – way up, between whar yoo faynted and ai wuz fanning yoo. Romeow stared at yoo and blinked slowlee. In troo kittehspeak, taht meens – luv.

      • yippee!!! says:

        Wonse agin, cheezpeeps, wii aR left two comten…contenpl…think about teh absurdity ob dis sishchewation: inkredibly adorable kitteh + kitteh lubber = nasty Xplosion in teh cerebral sektor ob said lubber.

        an bein’ oberwhelmed wiff dis since ob dramaitc irony, wii aR left too shake aRe collektive heds az wii imajin teh Kutie Kitteh on teh won side, an teh bloody-gushy branes on teh odder side. Awl teh chokolite barz, fluffy blankies and cash carts in teh whirld wont congrue dis incongruity.

  15. abracatabra says:

    AHHHH!!! Teh lite! It BURNZZ!! an’ no nom nom nom after midnite, eethur…

  16. rosamundi says:

    oooh, you fibber! There’s crumbs on your whiskers!

  17. Patrick says:

    Pawseekyootr: Kitteh, dijoo eated teh cookie oar nawt?

    Kitteh: Ai pleedz teh Fif awn dat.

    Pawseekyootr: Ladeez n Gentlkittehs ov teh Kort, Ai preesnt 2 u Eggzibit “A”, a pikchur wich shoz teh Defindnt claymn him maded teh cookie, but himz eated it. Kitteh, wut doez u has 2 sai nao?

    Kitteh: I can has cheezburger?

    Kortrum gasps n yoonisun n mutters

    Juj: Ordr! Ordr! bangz himz hammr thingy

    Pawseekyootr: Y u want teh cheezburger? U had aparentlee eated teh cookie.

    Juj: Teh Evidins b aginst joo. Ai sintins u to 99 yeerz comm…komm…workins n publik. Ur jawb b 2 halp teh Lolrus baylef find hims bukkit.

  18. yippee!!! says:

    poynty vulvan ears…check
    pa raizd wif palm 4word…check
    fingerz spred two make a “Z”….dat iz naugt logikal, Kaption, aI iz a Kat!

  19. Mz. Jackal says:

    How in da wurld of cheez do u get a picture??????????????????

  20. Nick says:

    My paw 2 da invisible man

  21. 'steroid says:

    I swarez on a stak uv. . . pankakez.

  22. kitkay says:

    Invisible-mirror polishing

  23. Jack Deth says:

    I, (Sez Kitteh Name)
    Duz sawllemmlee swayrz 2 maykz
    mie Hewminz happee

    Dat inkloodz clymeeng
    T3h Kurtinnz andz habbeeng T3h
    Free Ay~Emm Nuttzeez

    Iz awllso swayrz 2
    proatekkt mah Windo Sill andz
    wawrm Yello Sun Lyte

    I willz lissunn wenz
    mah Hewmiz speek, butz I willz
    still duz az I pleez

    I habz no controal
    ober misseeng Cheezburgrz,
    Cookeez orz Peetza

    I willz awllwayz beez
    thayr 4 mah Hewminz. I duz
    swayrz bie Seeleeng Cat :-)

    Jack.

  24. leaf says:

    What cookie crumbs? That? oh that’s um dandruff, yeah das it, dandruff…

  25. OwnedBy3 says:

    kyut kitteh says “Shhhhh” – pleeeze donut wistl da santa sungs. it hutz me earz an da odder kat be hittn me

  26. RevWaldo says:

    ai stol da cookie, but iz ded knot stol da cheezburger.

  27. LamontCranston says:

    “I swear I will not kill anyone”

  28. Melissa says:

    I did nawt eet tek cooky.
    Teh cheezburger howevah…….

  29. Kathleen says:

    Hey, a nommy Low Vote Gibbun Troll bee in heer!

    Hey, Gais, LETS EETUM!!!!

    (I tot at furst wuz jus mee fur mah dummee posts, but den hee went and gotted evveruhboddee!)

    Run, troll, run!

  30. Darrkwolff says:

    U eeted mah kukee? :(

  31. rodney dill says:

    No, raise your other right paw.

  32. David shaw says:

    gimme ur headz hooman, im gunna petz u

  33. Neil says:

    “Your honor, I was the recipient of the surprise buttseks…”

  34. “Senneder, Iz not naow nor ever haz been mebber uv Doggunist Parteh.”

  35. Romeow says:

    Hoo stoled teh cookie frum teh cookie jar?

  36. Toonces teh draiving cat says:

    Dat deepends on ur defunation of “cookie”. It was a braunie.

  37. Natty Catty says:

    ooh he has a really big paw.
    i really like it.

  38. greasycat says:

    Maneki Neko kitteh welcomz u to asian restaurant. Never mindz fortune kookie krumbs on whiskerz. kthnx

  39. 1337 says:

    Den who eated muh cookie :[

  40. starling says:

    The goggie did it. He be mai witnus too. As dog be mai witnus.

  41. syahidali says:

    Talk to Me Handz!
    I Objectz!

  42. Bloostokking says:

    No, no, kitteh — yoo sposed tu put yer *left* paw onda Biebul and yer *rite* paw inda ayr tu “tell teh trooth, teh hole trooth, en nuthin but teh trooth!”

    (Or iz cat appliez for kit-izenship, purraps?)

  43. ialin says:

    I has a bookmark :D Guess what site !!!

    Paws in the air like you just don’t carre …;))

  44. WolfWoods says:

    purrhaps you meant, “as dog is my witnes”?

    bad bad kitteh =^..^=

  45. kaitlyn says:

    u gotta capitaliez Godz namez…..iz onwy powite!


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