No, please, go on.
I find your tale absolutely enthralling.
picture: dunno source, via our lolcat builder, lol caption: JanetLee
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
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Unamused kitteh is unamused.
Kittydragon, we’d dans, but due to photo, we’d do a dans of apathee. Congrats on NS anywai!
I saez kiti iz teh lissinin to mai momzilla on teh fone. I kno I haz varee mush saem wif da axpreshin whin I tak to mai momzilla as diz kiti.
Yeth, I fink dat problie whut happnin.
Eethur that oar kiti iz heering abowt teh laetizt Britnee zpeerz drahhhhhmahhhh. Lawlz0rz!!
LOL! I is liek that too. Momzilla calls last nite. Tree times I tell her I’z too tired to talk and listem. But she keeps talkin!
But I lubs my mommee.
I kan do a deded man shuffil, ib daht’s NE help.
That works :3
LOLZ! iz best kitteh face evur!
Pardon Moi, You’ve mistaken me for someone who cares.
Yeah…mai givadammer is borked.
givadammer ftw!
mai thotz axaktlie. ROTFL @ givadammer!!
I fink dat mite be rong wif mai kar, too, naw dat u menshin…. derz dis noyz but I turnz up da raydyoo an’ poof, noyz fixd.
lol, dat’s ma sekrit uv car mayntinants – lowd raydeeyo! Also giv car drinkies uv gas, erl, coolerizin, cleansheeld joos, etc. it doowin ok, fur an ol uglee kia….
GR8 nu wurd COL. Mai ah borro it?
me too!
me free !!!!
wish a had heard dis a lowng tyme ago……isa gud wun
it is! i cooda yoozd dis werd in da miletaree, on ma medicl discharj paypurrs!
ya, wutEVAR…
Tell me, how did The Machine make you feel? And remember, this is for posterity, so please, be honest.
princess bride ref. FTW!1!
Pulite kitteh pretendz intrist on teh outsyde, but on teh insyde, is werking on list for Santa Claws.
*he tz tinking* Yur needz R nawt relevent to my intrests.
Sarcatsm. I has it.
Punny
lol’z of it!
Yes one can tell kitteh is just thrilled to be listening to all of this…
alwyz
yeah…juz lyke teh forty-teen otter timez yu swd it!
he’z “listining” to boring storees of teh crabby, hareless old man-kat.
Jus liek da crabbee ol woman iz. Dat’s hao I, er I mean she, got so crabbee!!
Ma frase fur ma hubbee is “to make a lawng storee lawnger…” He nawt seem to git it….
Udder dan hims lawng drawn owt unnesesaree parts uv storee set ups, he good man an Ai lurve him, and his storees!
Sorree but dat fone book does not maek a gud bed tiem storee.
n u wokded me up fur dis?
…blah blah Kitteh blah blah blah blah Kitteh blah blah blah blah yakkity scmak blah Kitteh yada yada yada Kitteh – would you like a treat Kitteh?…
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz YESH! Nom Noms!
An den, kan weh goah bisit Shnelly?
(Ai lubs Moochy)
Yesterday’s Moochy purrrrekt! Kittehs run on solur powr!
yah ….gotta lov taht kitteh
;o)
Oh, lordy lordy!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My kitteh lukz at me lyk dis whn ai dbayt myslf ovr investmuntz… invsmintz… nvistmntz… er, whr ai gonna put my munneh.
pleeze go on, me alwayz yawn wen I am interestud
*in fakt, t fink i take a leeeddle nap now…*
er, momm, r u rly wareing TAHT 2 werk? *sigh*
Teenage girl kitteh FTW!
Kitteh THinks Ur Storee Gr8…
Cause Kitteh Iz Hai
Mai bordum – let me show yoo it.
*eye rolling*
hyoomans… yoo can’t liv wif dem, and yoo can’t liv wifowt dem.
*sigh*
hyoomans.. yoo can’t liv wif dem… pass me de catnip.
Tellz it to da paw caws da eerz ayntt lissnin!
Will yu hurryup an leef so Ai can stan dup an pore mahsef a glas ob wyn!
H’llo ambercat – iz you at home in de bum of ingerland too?
Ai is moer on teh bunny thiy ob ingerlan, in teh cot swolds. Ai can has lunchbrake and afternoon nap?
Oh, iz pritty there. Eest Anglia heer. Sweet dreems in u’r catnap.
Wai up in the Hilundz on Skawtlund. I kan haz luntchbrake & naptyme 2? Waek me @ hoamtyme!
Heer – haz cheezburgr and blankie – tuks u in saif. Not to letz bedbugs byt.
Gud affternoon to awl yoo sleepy tineieIsland peepl. Ai has meenee frenz frum teeneitineeIngerland and tinieryet Eireland, (stranjlee no Skawtish peepl – yoo ar it, paws) butt no wun ever menshuned lunch AND naptyme? Is troo fur evebrwun? And wai? Cud bee veree nice.
Whoa! This waz sposed to be sent sum tiem ago! Ai had to go halp maek sum peenut budder cookiez fur Christmas. Ano ai feels liek taht kitteh – ai maeded yoo a cookie but otter peeple ated it! Ai am sending yoo awl sum as best ai can. Maed wif extra crunchee peenut budder.
(Iz mai mental telepattee werking? Can yoo feel teh cookiez?)
Cookiez not heer yetz, cud bee stuk in kittehspayse. I waytze wiv playte reddy.
For menny peeps naptyme only daidreem, but I iz sikkly hooman an canot go owt huntin for da monneez, has to liez down alla tiem. Sowndz fun but iz not, iz v. teedjus an no want!
Lukky I haz byootiful kitteh to soopervyze and shnorgle me. Kitteh no hunt monneez or do howsewerk tho, iz yoossless!
nom nom nom oan teh kookeez. Yeah, daht’z wurkin. tkx JCH4K.
Sangrail, hopez U getz less sik soon.
Ai jus got a loooong lunchbrake toodai an didunt sleep mush last nite (is verree verree windy heer jus nao!) so had a lidl ly daon – an wuz neerly late fore mai afternoon seshun! Oops!
Yes, sangrail – ai am sorree to heer yoo be a sicklle hooman. But HEER yoo ar a verree helthee hooman. Ai hoep that halps sum.
Glad yurs arrived awn tiem, paws. Duz yoo hav a favoriet kind ov cookie?
Amber – bike riding is verree hard wehn is verreee windy – unless, ov corse, it bee at yur bak. Tehn is totallee wunderful!
Nao ai’m off to play brij wif sum kwite elderlee peeple. Ai never duz it regularlee, becuz ai duzn;t has teh tiem, but wehn they needs teh fourth, ai halps awt wenh ai can.
As yoo purrhaps know, sangrail, ai is a retyred purrson, so ai dusnt hav to go awt hunting fur teh muneez, either. Tehy just comes to mee nao – liek Barney when ai call him!
Mai kitteh (Teh verree oald Boris – wayting at teh raynboe brij nao) wuz YUSLESS at luking afteh me, wen Ai wuz poorlysik – he jus luk at me an sai “Mummee, Ai has no posabul thum, hao Ai sposed to maek yu cupovtee! Nao stawp shirkin an gibs me mai treets an snorgles!” He gayv me lots of schmoo an snorgles tho, an taht halped me get bedderer. Ai jus had to maek teh cupovtee mahsef.
Dat iz bestest part uv kitteh home nursing plan! When I had da penomonya, ma Willem stayed rite by me! Ai wuz way too sik to eben hav NE tee, ma frens camed ober an made me jello an soop an made shoor I nawt ded, an Willem just stayed der, ma furry purring keating pad! Fur 2 weeks, he stayd wif me, kep me warm an cosy, made shoor I nawt ded. Such a good boi, I miss hims so much.
I bet he wif Boris over da brij nao, dey discussing us an waytin fur us to meet dem der! hUGS!
“I knoe ur talking, but all I heer iz bla bla bla bla bla.”
Skep da lechure. Jus tellz mee how longz eye am groundeed fur alreddy.
Kitteh hearz: (insert charlie brown adult voice sound)
Wa wa wa wa, wa wa wa wa wa wa.
yez mam!
Yez Granmaw u an yur brudder had tu walk free milez tu skewl, wit no shewz, een da snow…
uphills
BOT WAIS
Luckshuree!!
Wii kan had 2 wurk 18 owr shift down t’ pit, bfore going 2 skool, dehn kummin hoam 2 kold poyzon 4 tea.
at leest yu had tee!
an we had 2 maek owr own canduls tu reed owr skoolbuks 2 do owr hoamwerk b4 owr 18hr shift!
Whoah! Yu had skoolbuks? I wudda giff ennyting tu has skoolbuks. Wich ’splanes wy I tawlks liek tihs…
wel. we had 2 rite tehm owrselfs…
izzat wat dey meen bi “self-edumacated????)
shud hab sed
BOF WAIS
butt u unnerstan meh, rite?
korse we duz, TC!
en yuz had to fitez off de bares wif yur luzleef notebuk.
it costed a pinny fur de candiez en de lyte was much betterz an yu preciated ebbertinkz, repsected de adultz moar en wuz helfier.
lyfes wuz much better in de dinosaur dayz werent it?
Doz dinosaur dayz were reelee gud! Hao lukkee we were to be growing up then! And teh lyte WUZ bedder!
OT did you see where they found a dinosaur with fossilized skin? First one ever and now they (paleontologists) realize that they were wrong about how the dinos looked. Fascinating!
Yes, ai did see taht. amaizing! Ai can hardlee wait to see what they will find next. Ai hav realized taht ai must sumhao manaj to live to bee at leest 150! Too much interesting stuff going awn and ai wantz to know hao it comes awt!
Dint it also hab a fossil insyd its belleh too? Liek a crocodile wuz eetin it and dey awl got ded an mummied…
I fur wun look forward to de chaynj in da mewzeum exibits!
He rolt his gorjus iye suv bloo
at “lissen, Kitteh, am tawkin 2 U!”
He wisht 4 a cat-atonic stayt
an ignort mi thretning ov his fait
“Stey off teh cownterz!” i imploer
“Howzpets b-long upon teh floer.”
I kleen tup teh horrid mess he’d kauzed
teh haire zouta teh butteh (teh caek wuz lawst)
I turnt 2 scold teh nawty guy
Aggin his eyez rollt to teh skai.
He sawnters up an rubz mai leggs
Hiz purrring 4 furgivniss beggs.
My hart goze melt, i scoop him up;
Mai brane goze splort, i needa glub.
I snorgle him an giff him schmoo
Oh, Kitteh, ah can’t stai mad atchu!
Elebenteeseven burgers to yoo! Hao troo iz EVERTHING yoo so charminglee say.
elebenteeseventeemillion!
fittee ayt bazillyun millyun trillyun!!! dat such a good pome!!!!!
FTW!!!!11!!!
Yesh–dat iz jus how I punishes mah kittehs: I picks dem up an snorgles dem severely. Dey hates dat–onlee wants to be pikked up if it’s dere ideer. If dey is reely bad, I givs dem teh smoo treetment, or I tikkles dere bellies.
Teh snorgles will continue till morale improoves.
Wun of main haites unsols.. unsloci.. not awsked for snorgles too an she alweis meeps a veree whinee *moooooomeeeee leev me lone*.
Kors ai fink taht teh kyootest fing ever an awl teh moar reeson to keep doing it
mostest ob mi kittehz obber teh yeerz hab been ob teh “will snuggle wiff u at teh drop ob a hat” variety, but PIKING TEHM UP ????????? ah……… noes…….tehy getz awl stiff an “puts me now NOAW !!!!”
do it rufflez tehy’re dignitiez ????? mustest be….onli wun to tuoo ob mi kittehz ebber tolerateded teh lovin hoomin swoop an pik up…..
One ai ken pik up en danz wid… d’udder luks terrified ai m gonna drop him ef ai juz pik him up….unlez ai been awai for awhile. den ai pik up an we hold eechudder for big hello-hug.
Bote mai 2 r nootralized mails, bud de one hits on deh udder frum taim tu taim, an de hit-ee haites et! So ai pik up mai hornee Tom n gib him lodsa snuggles, juz 2 change de subjeck.
YAY!!
*Flicks Bic*
MOAR!
Pome is de win!
tl;dr
Hmmmm, I do nawt noe dis code. Ennybody haf enigma masheen?
too long; diddint reeds.
ore “too lazy”
Cap was like a novel. Probably done by a fat girl from the Midwest who thought she was being clever. “Look out, I’ve got WACKY keychains!”
Huh?
Are you talking about Jennyfffuuurs poem???
N whad did Mattratmone ged oudda bein meen n juggmenal? Ai laik pome berry, berry mush – ai wud laik pumisshun frum Jenny-fur tu put on mai aminal poetry webside (ef ai ebber get aroun tu duin id.)
Ai hade id wen negative peepl get on n trai to contaminate odders wid deir negatibbity!
oooooohhh – JAJEH. when yoo do taht, yoo will wet us know, will yoo nawt. Ai hav always wanted to put together a buk ov great paintings which has cats in tehm. Probablee sumwun has alreddee dun it, but ai hasn’t seen it. Alas, ai has nawt rited down awl ob the great paintings ai hav seen with catz awn them. Ai wud hav to do mai travels awl over again.
(akshuellee, taht duzn’t sound so bad at awl!)
*ahem* “let us know” no wetting, pleez.
Yez….iz mai summdai projeck….dun hold yer breath!
tu wich ai wud respon:
sw?wc?
for “so what? who cares?”
Thanx 4 yur support (all y’all). Am not fat, but did grow up near Janet’s neighburhoot in teh Midwest, an proud uv it. Sorree, don unnerstan teh keychain comment. Clever is in teh mynd f teh behoolder, I gess.
Evidentially Mr. Ramone cannot handle anything of length. Maeks me wunder how he pees.
Owie, Jennifffuurr. Yoo has a . . .well, ai onlee hoeps ai never offends yoo!
But reelee – MattRamone eveidenlee duzn’t know wher he iz. Taht kind ov remark iz nawt appresheated heer.
AND TO YOO, MR. RAMONE, ur verree nastee remarks abawt gurls frm teh midwest wuz unwarrented and unnecessaree – and highlee insulting. Shayme awn yoo. Ai say – imshee to yoo.
Jennifffuurr – yoo are frum neer mai neighburhoot? Duz ai know yoo?
Jenniffuurrr goin strate 4 wehre it hurtz maostest!
Nawt daht Mr Ramone nawt dezerb it!
Ritein poet tree R hard in Inglish, nebur mynd in LOLspeek!
Yes, but waz also reelee funnee. Maieks me laff everee tiem ai reeds it. Ai wuz sumwhat wundering if Jennifffurrr cud pawsiblee mee mai niece Jennifer. Duzn’t reelee sound to mutch liek her – but she has a verree sharp wit. She’s teh wun hoo iz the biologist hoo iz going to Uppsala in january fur two years wo werk wif teh werld famous scientist. We will miss her verree mutch. But also gives us gud reeson to go to Sweden! Ai hav awnlee been to Sweden wunz, in a way taht hardlee counted, as we were just driving thru to get to Noarway.
Ai hav offen told her hao mutch fun it is to bee heer, but she alwaiz sayed she didn’t hav teim. An thot we wwere awl being “too cyootsy.” Ai guess wun must bee heer longer to reelize taht this is nawt cutesee at awl, but a differunt way ov expressing awrselves. A hole noo way ov luking a things, as it were. Playne Englsih just isn’t teh sayme.
I sed teh abov wiff a wink an a smyle. Am not meen, butt cannot let ignorunss attak me wiffowt spittin a bit o venom bak.
Sorree 2 sai, JHC4K, but I em notchur neece. I beleef U wud be teh BESTEST ANT EVAH, so full ov welcum an share an kind wurdz! I hav real ants in IN, IL, CA, an Heaven. I hav “onuraree antz” all oberta wurld (an Heaven), tho. U cud b 1 of mai “onurareez”, but along wif taht comez BIG responsblilitys – like makin me eet moar dessertz cuz U tihnk I lukks 2 skinnee, an givin me good advices, an sharin fambly recipees, an tellin me taht I don spen 2 much munnies on teh kittehs, an makin shur I getz betta offurs 4 holidaze tahn spendin em wif teh in-lawz, an ALWEEZ tuck a chek insyda teh birfdae carts.
I growt up in Souf Ben, IN, butt liv N of Indynaplis now. I spent plentee o times at teh Doons, sunburnin an hikin an pickin sand outa where teh sun don’t shine! Lubs Mishgan memrees!
Ur sotree…it b relevunt 2 mah intrsts…
…sort of.
dats sposda b “storee”…
it cudda bin a storiee about a sortee in de war.
de war ov de goggies en de kittehs.
PS kittehz wun!
No, reely kitteh, yu wuld lol yur liddel paws off!
See, it’s this sait wehre teh hoomins post pikshurs uv their cats w/ liddel joaks written on teh pikshurs. It’s so kyut!
Is troo kitteh. An der be choklit anee tyme u wants it, an tee, an drinkees. AN…close fitz beeutifulee alwayz, an der be parteez, an dancin. It be wunnerful playce!
dun ferget CHEEZBURGERS ANY TIME YOO WANT DEM!
Bai gollee – this IS a wunderful playce! No wunder we awl liekz it so mutch! And the cheezfrenz – doan furget the amaizinglee wunderfull, divurse, smart, eddyumated, funnee, qwik-witted (an awl beeyootiful and hansum, ov corse) peepl!
An teh frendlyship. Das teh moastest bestest thing I has seeded inna lawng tiem. An I has seeded lots in mah dei. Lemme tellz yu awl ’bout it, heere, siddown.
Hei, wy yu rowling yer ais liek taht?
yoo see… ai hab der bestess aiylashes so too baad for yoo.
Ai lub diz kitteh’s preddy aies!
K, dats yer vershun ub de hauz rools. Negst ai tell u mine!
damfino
buster keaton!!
Crabby, ol’ man cat mush bee tellin’ him’s storeez agin……
Diz liddle kitteh bee furgitten herz mannerz!
Awww, kat, I hugz u anyway.
Plz u send meh ur storee in a email sos I kin deleet it.
Teehee, Ai tinks Ai’ll yus tihs wun nextym sumwun droenin awn abowt nuffink!
Mai mamma tawt me to bee polyte, butt if I has to lissen to much mor of dis twaddle, I fink I’ll coff up a big gigantk harbl. On ur shoos.
kthxbai
- *hi* kitteh! dew u wants 2 play wit de koosh bal on de elastek string? (boing) hao bout nao? (boing) oar nao? (boing) oar nao? (boing) oar nao? oar nao oar nao oar nao oar nao oarnaooarnaooarnaooarnaooarnaooarnao (boingboingboingboingboingboingboingboingboingboing)
- sy. (bat)
- EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Dat is wai ai gibbup bringin mai tu kittehs esspensive tois – or ebbeen cheep uns. Dey luk at dem n sai “Yez, dats naise – hope u v fun widdit!”
Mai fren’s goggie refooses to fetch; he jus luk at mai fren as if to sai “Yu frew it; YU go fetch!”
Ai kno deh goggie luk!
Mine chasez the toy and den stans over it like….”Heer it iz, mummah….kum frow it agin”
ai hav also given up awn the spensive tois, but awl ov mai kittehs are crazee about the peacock fedders. Even after tehy are nawt but broken tatters, they plays with and chews awn them.
U no wat, COL? Mi kitteh Mike teeched my goggie to fetch! Goggie wach,wach kitteh fetch ober an ober. Goggie gets in da gaym. BUTz he onlee fetches liddle mowsies. So kewt! (an wet)
looks like kirsten dunst
OSM, LOLZ
Insinseer Kitteh is Insinseer.
I picture this being spoken with the voice of Alan Rickman.
Mmmm….
OMG YES!!! This is Alan RickCat!!!
Miss Granger, do you ENJOY being an insufferable know-it-all?
this one’s clever, so funny
yes plesase go on hahahahahha
:P:P:P:P:P:P
CATTITUDE!!!
Thank you so much… I cried with laughter at this and was giggling all day when I thought about it…xxx
A work of art.
zomg sarcastic kitteh is sarcastic
dewd, whad yoo put in da drinkz?…..
lol
dat iz mah mafematix-look..
on with my tale…..
It was in the bar, drownin ma sorrowz, when this perty bug went 2 meh askin 4 a date. i sez ye. she sez no. i sez why. she sez ur drunk. i sez wtf! she sez wtf!
omg. i want to add this to my faves… but it doesnt have the fave button…-tear-
me 2 raerae =( i luvs sarcasticats.