I lurve you. Berry Berry funees. is teh mammeh now incarstercated?

Iz her momma incarstercated?

I dunno dat toon. But iffn yooze hum a few bars, aiyll fayke it!

Sadly, yes, kittehlurve’s mommeh is bein held pending trial. Her fambly has brought Jonny Cockran back from teh ded to defend her in what is being called “Teh Trial of teh Senturry”

In a press confurrence, the un-late Mr. Cockran expressed confidence in light of teh state’s flimsy evidence in teh case, saying “if teh shower cap don’t fit, u must aqwit!”

lol!!

mai mommeh would do taht! wen I wuz a kidd, we wuz campin n she washded her hairz in teh sink ob teh mCdonalds!!! she nawt cayre.

Teh prossekewting atturney in teh infamous Kittehlurve’s Mommeh Bathing Suit, learning of prior offenses, has vowed to trhow teh loofah at her.

Eben iffs kittehlurve’s Mommeh waz warin a shower cap or swim cap, it duzzen’s mean dat she waz gonna taek a baff. Dis is a rush to juggmint.

Who heer can sai taht tehy, or sumbunneh tehy noe, doan ware a swim cap fur sumpin obber tahn swimmin? Izn’t it possible dat Kittehlurve’s Mommeh waz warin it liek a profa…profullac…as protekshun frum a possible hed sposhun frum teh kyootness?

Kittehlurve’s Mommeh neber had enny intenshun ov taekin a baff in da orkestra pit. Iz insulted dat U wud eben suggest such a fing.

iz it a Jonny Cockroach…I mean Cochran Golem? Iz cleerly purely sircumstanshul ebidince ownly.. Yer Onher, the prosecushun is immitating the witness. This is a tragesty uv jerstice! Did inny wun ob use akshelly see Kittelurve’s Mommeh takin dah baff? an kin inny wun produce dis so cawld Hunnert Dollah Touwil?

There is no Hunnert Dollar Towel, Ur Onner! Teh defense is glossing over teh fackt taht kittehlurve’s mommeh was takin a baff — sorry, Ur Onner — *alledgiddly* taking a baff in teh orkestra pit becuz kittehlurve spended teh monnies originally intended 4 teh Hunnert Dollar Towel on …

*musical sting*

*pauses dramatically, like a gopher*

… THEEYATER TIKKETS!

Furthermoar, when she was arresticated teh deffendint had in her posseshun…

*musical sting*

*pauses dramatically, like a gopher*

… A RUBBER DUCKIE!!1!

Oh noes! Furst de orkisster wuz fild wit sax an violins! Now itz filld wit rubber bath implimmenz.

Whut *wil* be nexxt?

*falz ober in faint wit orinj paw obber aiys*

hunnert dollar towel iz at Pottry Barn…or wuz it Williams Sonoma?

Ur Onyer, teh prossekushun has juss admitted dat there is no Hunnert Dollar Towell.

Nao, iffs Mrs. Kittehlurve waz gonna take a baff in such a public plase as teh orkestra pit, doan U fink dat she wud need a Hunnert Dollar Towel? Do U fink dat she wud goes owt fur a baff in public wif a SprawMart Cheepo Towel? Ov corse nawt.

Ur Onyer, habs U eber seen a Rubber Duckie? Then U noe dat teh Rubber Duckie is full ov the kyoot.

Dat is zactly y Mrs. Kittehlurve waz warin a swim cap (prolly wif flowers onit) - to hold hers brains in wen hers hed aspodes frum da kyoot. Ebberywon noes how embarrassingz it can be to b caught asploding in public wifowt a swim cap or a CHRG. Iz juss nawt dun in polite sosiety.

Ur Onner, can we clears cortroom of faynting spectators? They is obvyussly planted there by teh defenses to get the simpathies of teh joory.

They is making a Colin Mochrie of these proceedings! I objects to their …

*musical sting*

*pauses dramatically like a gopher*

… HISTRIONICS!!ONE!

Ur Onner, once again I object to teh deffense atturney’s poopyheddedness! I submit as evidense a picshur of teh ducky:

http://www.accoutrements.com/products/10676.html

Cute? I think not.

Notice aslo teh model in teh picshur. See teh baffroom tile in teh background, teh fawcetts and the suds! Would teh deffense has us bleev that this wommin has teh rabies? Or would we, as reesonubble peepls, conclude that this ducky is a baff implement?

Furthermore, Ur Onner, teh deffendint had wif her a bukket filled with watters. If that weren’t damming enuf, we is prepared to call as a witness a certain mustachioed and tusky marine animule who will testify that that vry same bukket was STEELED from him by a stinky woman holding theeyater tikkits!

*stanz up from ded faynt*

Whut wuz dat abowt taters? Wuz dey mashed? Wif de grayvees? NOM NOM NOM!

Hey, waidaminnit, dat duckee *gulp* luks liek *mai* rubber duckee.

Onlee *gulp* it wuz - er - um - STOLLIN - yep, it were - STOLLIN lass week.

*cue dramatik musik*

Ur Onner, I doan noe how much moar of teh prosekewshun’s boogerbuttedness I can taek. Nao, teh prosekewshun iz an art critic? I didn’t cum bak frum teh dead to hab LCB tell me wat is kyoot, n wat is nawt kyoot. Teh red fings coming outta da teh Rubber Duckie ’s hed are “horns” to LCB. Well, one purrson’s horns, r anudder purrson’s bursts ov red floof. Ur Onner, who duzzn’t liek red floof?

Ur Onner, I fink it’z a liddle late to b entering a bukkit of water into evidanse, but let me ’splain. Mrs. Kittehlurve waz merely taking her beloved Rubber Duckie (wif red floof) to the orkestra pit to swim round in her bukkit ov water. Teh bukkit iz too small fur Mrs. Kittehlurve. It’s barely big enuff fur the RD (wrf) to swim round.

Fur teh redikulouse assertashuns dat Mrs. Kittehlurve stole the bukkit and the RD (wrf), I sai HMPH! Yes, I said it, HMPH!

Teh pesky tusky marine animule has cried “bukkit” too meny tiems. Nawt eben the Polol Bears belieffs him ennymoar. N, U noe how gud natured teh Polol Bears r.

To gremlin, I sai that dis is Mrs. Kitteylurve’s RD (wrf). There are meny moar liek it, but dis won is hers. Ur Onner, mah I approach teh bench?

*leans in close to teh judge so onwee he can heer*

*whispers* It’s well known that if U give gremlin enuff cheezburgers, he’ll tell U wateber U wanna heer.

This stoopy case shud be frown outta cort!

A-HA! I heered that!

Ur Onner, I move for a mistrial, on the grounds that poopyhed Romeowturney bribded a witness wif burgers, besmirched teh good name of a poor, unfortunate bukket-theft victim unable to obtain justice in a land-based legal system, and that too many pics have been posted now for teh joory to continue to pay attenshuns to these proceedings.

Ur Onner, I hab no objekshuns to
prosektootr boogerbutt’s motion.

*entire joory iz ebber asleep or lukin fur shinney fings*

Poopyhed.

Az an esteamed memmer ov teh jooree, I iz ‘zhaustid frum awl teh argyooin!
Juj, is yoo gonna let tehm cawl eech over Poopyhed an Boogerbutt?
I ob-jeck beree strenyoousslee.
Tehr is NO ORDR in dis cortruum!
Lemmee owta heer!

I wud liek to pologize to Woodchuck n awl ov teh steamed - oops, esteamed memmers ov teh joory. Iz ashaimed ov mah akshuns.

In mah defense, awl I wanna sai iz

LCB TARTED IT!

OMG…Aye m gone fur a dai or two….an fings jus start to go krazee round hear….
Misser Juge, Aye fink dey awl needz a timeout until dey kan be nice agin….

Jessie can maek cartune, lyk Teh Thrillin Reskoo?

Jessie wud gits lots ov snorgles an schmoo iffs she did!
*Purr*