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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.
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Who be Talkin'
steroid on u’z not doin well at dis… 3catsownme on Oh noes! miniminsmum on Oh noes! 3catsownme on Oh noes! Sandy on See the Future: Get the Magic… catalogical humor on See the Future: Get the Magic… keshet on u’z not doin well at dis… JanetCanHas4Kittehs on u’z not doin well at dis… JanetCanHas4Kittehs on Waddya mean ‘Get he… pj perry on It’s the JanetCanHas4Kittehs on It’s the pj perry on u’z not doin well at dis… kitkay on u’z not doin well at dis… pj perry on u’z not doin well at dis… pj perry on u’z not doin well at dis… 
Cheezburger Network Blog
Some Assempleh Required
Bebbeh kitteh sai “U screw wif me, u be sry”
Wheee. My Kitties on ICHC
Congratulatories! Dey sertnlee r preddy!!! Duz de 1 relly v juz 3 legs, or iz wai she stending?
He iz OK juz wai stading. Al partz preznt nd curect
Awwww, I hab a tripd kitteh, iz sweet.
Dang! Direkshuns nawt in lolspeek, DO NOT WANT!
pls to turn over instrucshuns where teh other 5 languajez are printed
nao, das moar liek it!
lesssee…French, German, Pig Latin, aha, Lolspeek. Here we goes…Attach leg…
…oh wate, dis is bad lolspeek translashun from teh originul Chineez!…
O noes, nao I see, I puts yer frunt lef leg in yr reer rite sockit! Sry kitteh, I haf to take leg off and swich. Nao, I weel try not to brake it off! So sry kitteh.
Don wurree – udder kitteh hep – she shau u whaz impurrtan – jus luk ad pau!
lesee…put teh lef paw in, put teh lef paw owt, do teh…wate a minnit, hao dis get in heer??
remmebur, Flartus, u has 2 shaek it al abowt furst
Dat comez rite afer teh hamerin of teh thum, alonside ob teh jumpin upandown, puntiated bai teh swarin laik a sailorz.
eye dont fink we haz awl deh peices…
i srsly sry poar kitteh
iz gotz dee posable thumbs buttz not so gud wiff dee tewls
plz be forgiving meh foar nut getting your wittle leg right
i promisses datz i’ll use mah beeg brown eyez an soff
wittle voice ta getz u sum halp right awai
i knows i bee selling owt bai uzing mah feminin charms
butt i’d doo anyting foar u
Needz call manyu- manyuf- hewmin whuts makes dis.
how be yuu a ninga und a hous frau at same tyme? Sownz innerestin
always lub da kittehs.
Eben wen dey reqwire assemblies
Sumtime dey rekuirez re-assembly. Once had kitteh missing furr a day come hoam wit hind leg pulled up usdless. Dr. Burke use steel sutures to permnintly retach severd tendon to new spot on boan sheath, furrst opration uv its kynd he says, kitteh hazd sliyt limp furr rest oav his long life.
(Kitteh also hazd plaztik surgary on eyes, story for nudder time.)
(later wantid lypsuction, had to say no)
At least bein a he, dint ask for teh three boob jawbs!
Berry glad ur kitteh’s leg fixt, tho. CHeers 4 teh vet.
Amenz
dat surgery wai kewl foar u injured kitteh
u were strong foar sayin no to dee llyposukshun
i kin hadlee wait to heer bowt de eye surgery
Upper lid eye defect related to half Siamese parentage. lyttle furs in contkt with eybl = kronic infections. Snip n’ sew, rezultz = kitteh ok but look funneh, had long swet lyfes.
HOLE AWN KITTEH…..!!!!!! ur almostest togetherz naow……
kitteh! plez sitts stilz, ifnz uz keepz tryn two ketch dat burdi up der, yuz gonna endz up wif foot n mouf!
momcat
doh eet urselv kitteh, belibe me
eeee, they are so tiny and pretty.
but i like dogs more anyway
Wuts a DAWG purr-son doin heer?
ask de greeks.
or de trojans?
I can has Trojun hoars?
I can has Trojun hoarse?
Darn ut! Furst it no poast, den it poast 2 tiems.
Wasn’t Cressida a Trojan hoar?
Don’t know about Cressida, but Helen was (depending on whom you ask).
Cressida waz trojan wuman wif da bouci bounci frum bed to bed. after tellz trollius himz her wun an onli.
Helen was trojan wuman dat wai two mani menz wantd to bounci bounci wif.
momcat
R onlee hoar ib U dooz it 2 get moneez frawm oddah peepul. Ib U haz moneez an dooz it 4 fun, R slut maybee, but nawt hoar.
I thawt awl aminal lubrs wuz welkum hear…
yeh, i akshully perfurrs doggees, too, but i’z SMRT enuff not to let u all noes!
oops.
corse dey is but dey not sposed to blab it all over de playz!
BTW i lieks de goggies but i LURVES deh kiitehs!!
shmoo-ing awl teh kyoot, juss lyk teh rest ob us!
sum ub uz iz mulit anin mule I lubs da beeg goofi googi, n da kyoot floofy kitteh, an da purdy red n yelo corn snake.n da fat beta fiddy, Soonz I will hab hole fishy tank of fiddies to lub to.
(awl fiddis in haus belongs to fishykitty…… )
momcat
Ai laik kittehs, AN goggies, an hawsies, and lods udders! Ai heb 2 spezhel kitteh frens.
I lurves kittehs moast, but I lurvs kowz, too. I alsew lurvs BIG kittehs lyke lyons, tygrrs, jagwars, pannthrz, kewgrrs, all uf tehm. I can has kitteh zoo?
Fuggot Gerbies. Dey so Koot!
U purrfurs teh goggies, butt finks teh kittehs is tiny an pretty?
Wew, dat sowns like a complimunt. Twenneh taysteh cheezburgas too u!
oh hai
sum partz ar misseng
but ill make it werk, dont worree
Iz maik it werk tiym?
Eetin pard wurk, snorgle part wurk, purrr work….ef daun faind mizzin leg, wurk gud anyway!
Iz Ikea kitteh partz on bakordr?
tihs pictur r fuxin my percepshuns. r we sure dis not Ceiling Cat bildin a new howse?
Luks lyke, tiny kitteh is looking to the ceiling cat for divine inspirashun to help with assemblies
kitteh praze to ceiling cat to translat durexshuns.
pfft i doan need no manual – ive seen this done before … (although I swears my paws should be pointing forward, but anyway)
Kitteh assessorys sowld sepertlee
aint dat teh truf!
Assessories like potatoe chips; can’t buy jus 1
’sidez, arnt teh 4 legz part ob teh basic kitteh unit???????
leessee: Partz U Shold Hab in Ur Box:
1….Hed (wif 2 pointy eerz, i pinky noze, an liddle pink mouff wiff needley sharpy teef, oh an 2 iiyz)
2….Bawdy
3…..4 legz( wif pointy endz)
4….Tale
5…..Purr Box
6…..Fur to Cobber (ur choyse ob cullurs)
yep dose r teh pawrtz fur teh basicalli kitteh unitz.
“Hunny, hao meny lives wuz dis kitteh aposed to come wif? I tink dare r sum extras…”
uh oh-
I juz chec dis box wez got de hed, de bawdy, purr box, mani colours fur an, an… I sez two tales an free legz!
I neber buyin innernets kiddi agains!
momcat
Insert Tabby A in Slot 3…
Win!!11!
Ah, attach kitteh A to kitteh B usin screw.
Oh noes – wate, that wuz pikshoor frum udder day of kittehs A an B in Streets of Philly.
hm… u sur nawt ttach bunneh to kitteh…? oh. rong piktcher.
I can has Ikea Cat?
KÄT™ frum IKEA – bocks 1 of 2 – bocks 2?! oh noes!
Wares Leg A? Dis IKEA kitteh duz nawt cum wif awl teh nessessaree partz!
IKEA kitteh haz confusing direkshunz
LOLSpeek iz tuf tu convay thru pikshurs.
CURSE MAH LACK OF OPPOSABLE TOOLS!!!
Multi lol!!! (mai kids is surfin wid me)
Battrees not included!
Kit-Kat bilder sez: “HAY! Dis Kitteh Kit iz defektiv! Iz missin 1 legg!
Aye noes whut, aye calles Kustermur Serve-uz”
*brrrinngg, brrring, brrringg*
Custserv: “thank-you for calling “cheeseburger factory”, your call my be monitored for training purposes. Para ablar in Espanol marke dos, 2 speek lolcat, pleez preess tree. ”
*kitteh bilder nerd preszes too*
“tanx 4 calling ChEezburger Factory, dis be BOB de catbilder, hou mai aye helpp U?”
( meened dat he presss tree!” Anyway, donnt noe how to speez espanol LOL!)
No hablo Espanlolspeek?
no, mey habla un pequeno espanol?
Me gusta de gatitio tienes tres pias!
momcat
Si! me gusta el gatito tiene tres pies, tambien.
Te gustan los gatos con muchos dedos del pie?
Hay muchos gatos con muchos dedos, verdad?
Wen ai start du-byself projick, mai kittehs kwitelee n cawmlee dizapeer. Dunno wai!
Wen ai duz stuff liek dis, mai goggie (a LOLhasa) mus soopervize evryting. Wun ob deese dais he iz gonna get hisself incor… incop… builded into sumting. Ai calls him teh “straw boss”.
Mai kittehs yoused to soopervaize, from safe dissance. Sometaims dey cum bak wen all iz qwite nau n wach.
mebbe dey duznt likes da blow-tortch…
…or awl teh partz taht go flyin in teh ayr rownd teh room wen ai getz fruss…fusstr…mad cuz tehy dun fit ryte!
Butt wen ai useded to sew..( az in SEW) mi kitteh Loco (hoos ful mane waz Loco, Alias Beast, Son of Dragon, Cat of My Cats) aniwai………Loco (hoo waz loawng-hared blak kitteh)
aniwai……ai wood lai teh fabrik down teh middlez ob teh libbin ruum, an tehn lai teh pattern peeses dwon an pin tehm awn……Loco wood start at teh wun end ob teh ruum an Rase dwon teh fabrik, gadderin teh tissuez pattern peeses az he whent…..til der he wood be……sittin at teh end ob teh fabrik, wiff awl the tissuez rippeded to shreddz an in a big waddeded up pyle, an luukin SO proudly ob hisself……..
“Momma, ai Helppeded!!!”
ebentualli, ai hadda lok him ina baffruum if ai wanteded to cutz oawt patternz…..
‘corse den he wood nok eberyting off teh conterz ina baffruum, butts dat’s annodder stori.
ohai, salleh.
corse he dun nawk awll da stuff daown. eben dough u lock him up, he still want 2 halp u. wuznt dat halpfull?
Wail, yoo prollee no da ol joke:
Hao duz yoo fine da ezzack senter uv a peece uv fabrick?
Carefullee lay it owt on a flat surfiss, smooth owt anee wrinkullz, den go in udder room. Wen yoo cumz bak in, da kitteh will be layin in da EZZACK senter uv da fabrick!
Iz troo. Ai hadda stawp sewing wen Ai had ma kittehs, speshullee aftur Ai see Willem in da hawlway, sittin up an choowin sumpin, nangnangnagn. Ai sweeps ma han infrunt uv hims mouf, an felt a streeng. Ai pull dat streeng, an owt comes a hole lawng thred, an a NEEDLE still attacht!!!!!! OMG! Disastr narowlee avertid! So Ai dint sew agin fur a lawng tiem!!!! R et leest in a room R howse wif no kittehs!!
Ai lyke to do beedwerk wif teeeeny beeds. Kittehs lyke to eet beeds and to eet thred and needls. Must be bery karful not to let kittehs near beedstuf when alone. Ai alwayz put awai when I wak awai.
Loco waz allus intressded in teh sewin…….a fren ob mime gabe me a BIG tin box ‘o buttowns, ful 2 teh bery towp, an Loco, whi, he helpeded me sortz owt ebbri single wun ob tehm………
onli tuk me 5 tymez az lowng……….. ok prolly clocer to 10 tymes ……..
Ai tink mebbe wai ai kip drobbin stuff. Shottly affer ai furst gotdem, ai spill waite craffpaint on flor, n Bennee cums 2 c whadoin, and hep. N he pud whaid traks all over. Hiz aun Martha Stewer tuch.
Benne somtaims waches from couch wen ai du tins on floar.
Ai hafta tink mai kittehs smarder den ur goggie….o pehps dey juz hav diffnt laif esperences.
Agreed. Mai goggie ain’t perzactly a brane sturgeon…
tri-legged kitteh asks Ceeling Kat: “I kin has Cheezburger?”
Sealing Kat sez: hunny bun, U IZ da Cheezburger! I bilded U in mai CHEEZBURGER FACTORY. LOL!
Picshur give nu meening 2 “lolcat builder”
yay shoppin at ikittea
Kittehs says “i helps yous builds!” But theys always in the way, they just look at da hooman and get mad when the hooman tells em’ to move
Ladee kitteh: “Honee, y don’t yu reed teh direkshuns?”
Manlee kitteh: “Pssht. Onlee sissees needz direkshuns. Nao, ware my allen wrench?”
Ladee kitteh: “Um, honee? Da direkshuns sez yoo needz –”
Manlee kitteh: “Kwyet, wommin! Kant yu seez I’s buzee? Getz me a beer an mai tool bukkit!”
U be usin lolalrus bukkit fur yur tewls? Watch owt whut u sai, he mai be redin dis.
Naybrr haz menee new bebeh kowz in pastyer neerbai. Udder dai they had bukkits wif food! Mebbee fitty bukkits! I drove bai and thot, “r dem LOLRUS’s bukkits?” Now bebeh kowz have no bukkits in feeld. Mebbe Lolrus kame and got tehm?
Wun howr later….
Ladee kitteh: “Honee, ur dinna’s reddy. Ju finished?”
Manlee kitteh : “@#*& ting’s borked. Muss be defektiv. Nobuddy cud bild tihs rite. I’z gonna call an complain!!!! Rite after mai dinner.”
Nomnomnom…..
Meenwile, ladee kitteh reads teh direkshuns. Takes apart. Rebilds. Sucksess!
Manlee kitteh : “Ya well ai wuz gonna do dat neckst. Ju ownlee cud do taht cos ai did awl teh hard stuff first. Hey, is dat futbawl awn teh tee vee?”
And dat, kiddies and kittehs, iz hao Western Sivilizashun haz developed.
Srsly.
SJ and Skye – yew guise maek a reel gud teem. Yew shud cowlaborate moar offen!
Isnt dat hao goggeez git maded?
Kitteh helf care
U doin it rong
*Bilder Kitteh callz Customer Serviz N middle of nite*
CS, says, “my name is Sanjay, how may I help you?” , politely and with slight Indian accent.
“CS-Sanjay, says, ‘my name is Bob, how may I help you?’ politely and with slight Indian accent.”
Fixed your post.
(No offense to Indian customer service employees. I just think it’s silly for companies to require their CS reps to use Western names. As if it’ll fool callers into thinking they’ve really called Cleveland and not Bangalore.)
too true,
meanwhile i figure since i work a tech support position, that if i were ever to find my job outsourced overseas, i would see if i couldn’t get re-hired on as a dialect coach and transferred overseas so that all the “Bob”s and “Susan”s and such would actually fool people into believing that they really could be Bob or Susan
when i was young, some of my less than legal career forays that didn’t involve subjecting others or myself to “teh srs vyelints” gave me all sorts of practice at convincing accents, small, useful snippets of foreign languages and even the occasional use for voice mimicry for the purposes of pulling off some dodgy scam or other
beeying nawty…sumtiems i misses it
Mai job beinz owtsoarced nxt yeer, us all hoaps it no be goings to Prague. Prague = lubbly, but bit far frm UK.
yer rite CP, how sillee of Me; ’speshilly sinse I stay up awl night an order stuff and talk to custserves wen dis hemispere is ’speep’.
So DATS where baybeh kittehs come frum!!!1!!1
And Ai thawt it had sumting to du wit secks!
I, too, lub kittehs, but Iz ‘bi-pet-al’
Pretty much all creatures great or small…
Must hab been capturd in breef moment befor kitteh 2 sits on instrucshuns. Boxez an papurz on floor must be sat on. Iz rule.
Papur mus be played wit. Dis is a rool.
Tools mus be batted arounwn. Dis is a rool.
Screwz mus be pushed arouwn an lost. Dis is a rool.
Plasstik mus be likked wif raspee liddel tung. Dis is a rool.
Hay, wayte – whuts dat blue fingy? Mus fine way to attack dat sumhao. Dis is a rool.
Boddum lion: Kittehs rule!
Kittehs mus get awlways help yew inn sum wai. Dis is teh BIGGIS rool.
Oh, Gremlin, ur kitteh rools ROOL!
Mai kitteh laiks ta plai on da krafs tabuhl… n trais ta git his pahz in da inkpedz… n plaiz wit mah sizzerz.. n laiz on mah payperz… hez sew mutch halp… nawt!
mi behbehz allus LUB wen ai hab ribbunz ina kraft. …….nawt onli wen TEHY unrowlz tehm, butt tehn tehy BIG helpz wen ai hab to RErowlz tehm……
silleh kittehz, oh tehy do hab teh fun………
Mai kitteh is missin wun ov himz bak laigs. Butt him duz fien wifouts it. So I dint eben cawl Kustumah Serviss.
I see dis afore? Or mebe i can has crazee.
*considers pun on half-inch screw*
see pervius (yeh, nawt just previus) pic wif bunneh…
deres da bun wif haff-inch screwe.
Teh Byonik kitteh, we can rebild him, we has teh teknawl, tetan…thetan…we noes whut eer doin’
Whee, My kitties make ICHC…..
Dees bee yer kittehs? Conga-rats! Dey be full of kyoot.
I iz ded of Kyoot evy dai…
srry new to lolspek..
I tink mah kitteh needz niw leg… wen came in from owtsid wuz not using wun bak leg.
I iz wurried, Dad iz taking himz to vet in mornig. I hopses hee is okie. He not reeside wif me, but I fisit him tudai.
Haup iz juz boo-boo. Mebbe needs cairopracker.
gibes him beeg kiss 4 meh. hope he bees okeh.
whut hiz name is?
DKC, I hopez yur kitteh is ok, mebe himz just got bad cut. I hadz kitteh do dat whenz I wus gon fur a day……
maks innerestin stori “da kitteh whu cutz himz leg or haow de kitteh lernd two lik tabsco sauce!
momcat
aaarrrrrr! is lol john silver. i can has parrut?
hee hee, ai LUBS taht !!!!!! getz him a liddle eye patches,….an a piraty hat…..an a sord, an a coat wif big buttenz an a wide beltz…..
uh, maibee ai go too farz…..
Mai Tony kitteh b in fite owet dors n hrted frun paaw. Limpn n lickn ober n ober. Gotz nfecshun butt (!) kitteh dr givz anibtotiks. Him no want… reely no wantz medisin. Him spraaaaz it awl ober me wehn ai givs 2 him. Him betterer naow. Butt (!) ai no want him to go owet no moar. Sow faar him no wantz owet eder. Whee sea ho long taht lasts.