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Non-returnable Kitteh


lolcat - Non-returnable Kitteh STAYS.

STAYS.

photo: ICHCF
capped and submitted by: Liz

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» 147 Comments

Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?

» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.

 
  1. Teho says:

    i’z in teh bag, dady-o.

  2. mary O'Spockn says:

    uhohz-u tuk the tag off- iz ur kitteh!

    • mary O'Spockn says:

      enny body gots advize for stoopy hooman iz goin too Benin, West aFriCa in NoVember? Duz kittehs speeks same dere?

      • B! says:

        Looks liek dey mite unnerstand Fronsch… I bet just engayjing dem da same as wild kittehs heer wood werk. Just crouch down, wiggle a finger an say “psspsspsspsspss” or “kittykitty” mite werk. Det mite kome up to yoo, dey mite run away. All kittehs in da wild is differnt. Also, R dey yoozed fur fud der? Dat mite mek dem even moar skittish!

        Why for yoo go Benin? SOwnz liek fun an ezotick trip!

        • stend says:

          if they’re french, they will ignore you ;o) and then you’ll know

        • mary O'Spockn says:

          thx muchly fur advize. Iz goin to teech eNgish az 2nt LAngwage adn obsurve leTericy progums fur a foo wks. wif UEEB ( fronch abrevashun fur Evanjelicul onion,oops unIon. uv BeNin. u may hear mee say HALP all de ways akross de big oshun, cuz Iz BIG fraidee Kat adn nevah bean to aFrika. much exotic DO WANT; strnage dizease DO NOT WANT (i sed i wuz a fraidee kat-no lie)

          • B! says:

            Butt yoor going!!! Yoo kin be as askeered as yoo want, as lawng as yoo do!!!

            I essited fur yoo! Take pitchers, poot on flickr!!! Iz chance uv lyftiem!!! Onlee a fyoo weeks, dey will go by so fast! Jus be opin to da noo espeerienses, an keep yoorself safe by followin da rools, yoo be fine!!

            Mebbee yoo kin teech dem lolspeek!!! I tink dis site an meme R grayt ezampuls uv hao langwij spelling an seemantix develups ina sosiyeti.

            • mary O'Spockn says:

              U R sooooo kynd. WilL try to mak u proud as unofishul repru, uh repri er rePURsentative of LOLspeakland. hee hee i can prtend i am x-spurt.

            • 3rin says:

              LOLspeakland! naow we gotz ar own kuntree!!

            • Mrs. Catlabash says:

              Better yet, teach them lolspeak but tell them you’re teaching them the Queen’s English! BWAHAHAHA!

              Sorry sorry sorry
              That would be really, really wrong.
              But funny.

              I don’t think you can put links in the comments here, but if you guyz haven’t discovered it yet, you’d probably enjoy the lolcat Bible translation project at lolcatbible-dot-com. I’m just saying, if Mary wants appropriate reading materials for her “English language” classes…

              Come to think of it, what am I saying. Of course you discovered the lolcat Bible translation project. You folks probably instigated it ;) .

            • Sekhmet says:

              I woz sad it woz onlee wun page – fort I might actuallee make it thru the hole of Gensesises dis time…

          • ManfredMom says:

            Wats a grayt opprtoonitee!! Plees not to werree bowt straynj diseezes. ‘memberz we ownlee heer abowts teh oddbawl fings on teh newz. Iffn it happinz eberee dai, its wudn’t b calleded news. It b calleded OWLDS!! Hopes u hab a wunnerpull trip!

          • LBeeeze says:

            i am goings to sheecago next monff

            dus dat cownt ??

          • Nika says:

            Dun be wurryd. Az lawng as yu get yur vaccynashuns an lissen to yur guides/hosts, yu be fien. If dere be a US Embassy/Consulate dere, yu shud register wif dem so dey kno yu ar there. Evrywun dere probly gonna think yu teh koolest fing evar, so dun worry. Dey luv yu, I’s shur. Yu probly gonna kum hoam sayin “Dat wuz awsum! I wanna go bak!”

          • AuntieB says:

            Iz ben to aFrika. Butt iz goz to uGanDa. Dey speeks da Kween’s engleesh der. Undurstantinz dem wuz defurrint.

            Nevur sawz no kittehz. Did sawz beegh apez, leetl leezurds, & manys defurrint burdiez der.

            It wuz reeeelee kool!!!!!

        • mumrik says:

          wyld kittehs?
          ZOMG!!1!

          PLZ 2 b maekin shur demz b SMALLISH wyld kittehs n not da BEEEG wyld kittehs, k?

        • CrazyOldLady says:

          Hey, B!….mai momma tol me it wuzznt nice to psss in peeples eerz!! LOL

      • Carol says:

        Walk softly an carry a biiig stick…

    • lifelover99 says:

      Iz ok, hims just October in the Kitteh o’ the Month Club, notic hims iz blak? Can return w/o tag.

    • LifeLover says:

      Is ok, hims just Octobr Kitteh o’ teh month club, see hims black, lik Halw, Hollo, you knows, um that da when ghostes come.

  3. Grimbling says:

    Iz ion ur bag, beein hawt cach… hawt cor… beein fashun.

  4. AllyBally says:

    Is right size, but wrong colour…

    Dids yew kepe receept?

    • B! says:

      Kitteh shreddededed da reeceep…

    • mary O'Spockn says:

      Christmuss iz comin- re-gift kitteh! iz purrrrrfec givt

      • homescribe says:

        be careful of teh re-gifting … look whut happened to Ellen DeGeneris

        • LBeeeze says:

          a crymme foar sure !!!

        • Teeter says:

          I gib U 5 burgerz for dat wun. Mai burger votin button be wonky. I vote by paw/

          Eln Deeejeris wun biiiiiig craibebe. She mush biiiig manipulator to. She broked teh rulz! She no can haz puppee, akin liek teh stoopy hairless crybebe monkee Boooohhhohohohohoooo.Telz her u getz mush mor flys u use honee, not teh prezz to get ur way…spoilded bratz! Srsly.
          kthxbai

          • Carol says:

            Ahhh, thats my Teeter. Tell it like it is girlfriend.

          • B! says:

            Ya. I shoor she unnerstood da no gives away claws, but furgot R sumpin. She shooda gone to dem wif da goggee an da new famblee an sed, luk, I gives goggie a noo home, he too mush fur me, needs home wif kids to play wif. Den da dopting peeps wood say, yes, doze kids R gud wif dat goggie, we’ll allow dis, insted uv jus sayin NO, NO KIDS! Dat sillee, kids an goggies R liek choklit chip cookeez an milks!

            An she didunt even need to bring it up awn her sho, sept its her forum fur her stoopeeniss. It lukt wurse dan Jerree Springerspanyell…..

          • Lala says:

            Ellenz goez on TVz to mahk it allz her way n dat not fare to teh odders wot havez no TV pubil… publy… esspozurez. Craibebe n big-tyme manni-plate fer shur.

    • Shaungrl says:

      I had you a recete, but I ated it.

    • Bizarro says:

      ROFLiron haz no reseet…..

  5. cmerry says:

    Iz good purchse..Dis da kinda “fur peece” I has, fore differen types akshully, like dis peece dey will last for years and make purry noizes veddy PC, veddy niiiccee :)

  6. Nash says:

    I just love kittuns in bags.

  7. 'steroid says:

    Dis is ONLEE wai dat kitteh stays. Staying is fur teh goggies.

    • Romeow says:

      Mah kittehz aways does ebbery fing I tells dem.

      “Cum heer wen u wan to”

      “Stays ober der if u wans to”

      I has dem purrfecly twained!

  8. B! says:

    Dis look liek da kinda bag dat ma bowlin ball kitteh RC got trapt in!

    She gawt da string handulls arown her neck, an it skeered her awful!! So she taked off runnin fru da howse, dis rackitee bag behin her, CHASIN HER!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHJHHHHHHHHHAAAAGAGHAHHRGRHH!!!! She goze runnin unner da bed, but ma bed lo to da grown, so she unner da bed wif evul bag uv nawteeness next to it. I wuz rite der, tryin to get da handulls awf her, an den spen tiem huggin an cumfurtin her, ma poor lil gal!!!

    I lafft awl da way to da trash bins, dat meen bag coodent stay in da hows after dat! LOL poor Bug, LOL!

    • B! says:

      Hmmm, she wuz a blak kitteh too…. SHe lurved da cave type playses.

    • bubbyscranky says:

      That is too funee! Poor kitteh.

    • LBeeeze says:

      OMG !! I can juz see dat !!!! Poar babee

    • doctorcat says:

      Hee hee–dat happen to mah Miranda wunce. She got into teh londree baskit an got her hed thru teh strap of wun of mah bras and went tearing thru teh howse wid it flyin after her. Now DAT was a LOL.

    • lynxany says:

      My big white floofy kitteh, Cotton get stuckeded like that too. But him is waaaaayy too lazy to freek out. Him strolls nuncha …nonchal ….all casyool thru living room warin’ bag toga style … totully freek out udder 7 kittehs an teh goggies. Dey all run, jump on hi playces. Cotton flop on floar an look around liek “Whare everbuddy go?”

      • teenie says:

        mai roomiez kat Mina yusta fynd plastik groshree bagz en get her hed inna handlz on purpos. den she juss walk arown teh apartmint lyke nuffin unushual goin on. she lookt lyke she wuz warin a kayp, so we cald her superdumazz wenevvr she got a bag.

    • Duffy says:

      Teh wun time mah most dignified supereeor Tux rilly embarrised himself, he got his hed and wun leg thru teh handul of a plassic sak (which he got owt of teh trash in teh kitchun, no less), an wor teh sak liek a cape for a whiul. He evenshully had to com ask me to taek it off, an then went an sat under the cowch sulking while the uther cats laffd at him. Um…not me, tho,
      Rilly.

  9. Melissa says:

    I’m sorry, our return policy is the item must be returned within 90 days.
    Looks like you purchased your “kitten” 2 years ago according to this receipt.
    Besides what kind stoopy are you?
    Kitteh is teh adorabul!!!!

    • cmerry says:

      I notis dis fing too.. “kittens” get biggah wen you putz da food in dem.. dey growz- BIIEEGG! So liek now I has supah-sized kittenz, is dey still kittenz brand den? (dey shure act liek it!)

      • pegataur says:

        De Kitten 1.0 program haz ben upgraded too Cat 3.0.
        Cat 3.0 doez not run favrite programsz like Tail Chazing 1.2 oar Shoostring Attax 2.8, butt de bug Climz de Kurtans haz been fixted.
        Cat 3.0 wilz gainz wait, okashionly slipping into Blob 8.7. If yoar kitteh turnz n2 Blob 8.7, runz Diet Nomnoms to return Blob n2 Cat 3.0.
        Cat 3.0 haz many gud feechurs. Snorgles 4.3 iz 1 uv mai favrits.

        • B! says:

          Chittering at Burds 2.0 iz also nice. Sumtiemz programs nevver upgrayd, dat why yoo get Kneading 1.2 an Suckling/Drooling 1.53. An of corse, Butt Wiggle program remayns, just gits updayts!

          I memmer Melly kitten, Butt Wiggle 1.2 wood cause compleet shutdown uv Kitteh Operaytin Systum, maed me lol then, I lol nao too!

  10. LBeeeze says:

    special purrrchase todai an todai onleee

    smoooth an sleek Noir kitteh is in limited supply

    dont wait won minuute longur !!!

    theeze kittehs ar goings fass !!!

    witt ur special Noir kitteh purrrchase u will receeb

    a special Noir kitteh giff bagg an a special Noir kitteh giff box

    folkez theese kittehs ar flying fass !!!

    onlee a few special purrrchase Noir kittehs reeemain

    act fass to reeceebs ur special Noir kitteh in tyme foar Halloweenze !!!

  11. ittehbittehkitteh says:

    onlee da owner may remoobe dis laybel…

    wen i was yung, i gotz scared uv da warning laybel on da pillo. it sedd: DO NAWT REMOOVE. an on axcidint, da laybel comed off in mah hands!! i tolded mah mommeh an daddeh. dey larffed, ub corse, butt i dint fink wuz funneh.

    • Melissa says:

      OMG! I ur ols enuff u ‘member teh teevee show
      WKRP in cinncinatti?
      One tiem Dr. Johnee fevah thot
      teh matriss police wus afturr him cuz he rippded teh DO NAWT REMOVE UNDR PENLTEE OF TEH LAW taig offa himz matriss.

      Was full of teh win an phunnee!

    • B! says:

      Ma fayvrit wuz da tag dat sed dis ting made uv man made unknown material. I goze.. ummmm if mans maed it, why we nawt kno whut it iz?

      • Flartus says:

        I has a pikchur of a bilingwal clothing label, Englolsh to Frolnsh. It wer med by a ‘murkin company, an it sed in teh Frolnsh part “oui apololgize fur owr prezidint. He r a idjit. We nidnint voted fur him.”

        i wud post it, but i’s tekn…tekkan…compooter stoopy.

  12. JH says:

    Tha kitteh stays butt tha rug has to go! EWWWW!

  13. Lucy says:

    Gotz dis kitteh on sale. Bargin kitteh is grate bargin!

  14. leaf says:

    I’z in yer bag…keepin all you naughty sekrits safe.

  15. stend says:

    spent your paycheck on designer kitten. again.

  16. sally says:

    excuse the off topic, (well sorta off topic) but in the previous post I talked about the kitty photos on the site “deviantart” I just jumped over to look at my favs of other peoples kitties and they really are some of the best photos of kittehz you ever did see……

    to get there (as I don’t know how to set up a link) just put “deviant art ” into any search engine (like ICHC, the site is HUGE) and when you get to the site itself, up at the top is a place that says” deviant” you can use my name and pass word and they are “stillshooting” and the password is “katybell” when you get to the next part, click on stillshooting again, and that puts you to my own part of the site……now click on “FAVS” and there you are, a kajillion cute kitty pictures all personally selected by me. using as much selfcontrol as I could…..(yeah right) there are some rather nice landscapes from around the world mixed in with the kitty pictures, but mostly kitties……

    Oh and if you click on any one of the photos, you see it by itseslf and with artist comments and DA mamber comments. (they are not as funny and loving as the ICHC peeps, but they are really very polite and encouraging …..and it is a world wide site, I have friends from Hungary, Austrailia, Russia, Romania, Turkey and Conneticutt)

    and if you wish to look at other photos of kitties not personally selected by me, just click on the “brouse” word and go from “photography” to “Animals” to “cats and dogs” and there you are, uncensored kitty and goggie photos.

    do try it, as we are all major kittehs addicts here, I can say with a fair amount of authority and conviction that you will not be dissappointed…..of course there are not the funny and dear people that there are here, but these folks love their cats and kittens and it shows, there are some absolutely gorgeous photos of cats …….

    and if you like, the “gallery” are my photos of sonoma ,california from 25 years ago…. section

    so give it a shot, but be warned, be sure you bring the KKKart with you cause your hed be sploding awl obber teh place!!!!!!

    • Melissa says:

      I went dere! Vary niceses! Mah hed sploded so I needz teh KKKart plz.
      Soooo manee proshe behbehs!
      And other beeutiful pics as well!

      • ManfredMom says:

        Sowweee so layt, butt KKKart on way!!!

      • sally says:

        OH tank u Melissa….ai waz hwoeping sumone wood go and seez thoes beautimus behbehz……ai jest writed mi frenz in LA, ( tehy r 14 &17, & tehy noez sooooo muches mor tahn ai do abot teh puterz…….& ai askeded tehm 2 putz (heh heh) a link up to dat 4 mi……..

        butt u wented wifout taht….taht waz so nicestest ob u….ai reely wanteded to showz tehm offz…..gladest am ai taht u injoied tehm…..

        dose r tehy behbehz taht saveded mi lifez wen ai waz teh mosteded unhappeez

  17. Alverant says:

    One of my kittehs was returned (baby had alegeries). My other kitteh was abandoned in winter. I love them to death. The pic is right, kittehs should not be returnable!

    • homescribe says:

      abandoned kittehs make me so sad :-(

      • pegataur says:

        Dats why Aye adpots az many az aye kanns!

        Dats why Aye haz deaf Bucky kitteh, adn Tigger kitteh, adn FIV Sable kitteh in itsy bitsy howse!

        • daisycat says:

          i has FIV kitteh too. herz naym is Poobee. we callz her Poobs doh. If only da FIV was cured by lub…..

          • CrazyOldLady says:

            I hadded a sweet boi, named Spike when I took him…he had teh FIV….lived very helthee for 4 yeerz befor he started gettin sicker….I missez mai lil boi!! Why yu can find teh reucues for teh FIV bebbehs, but no wun will dopt teh Felv bebbehs…I noe it is kontageeous, but why not have teh sankchooaree for tehm??? duzzint seem fare.

      • Alverant says:

        Don’t be sad. He’s a happy loving kitteh! The people who abandoned him wanted him to get a home eventually. But foolish people passed him up for adoption for 6 months! They never understood what they missed! My kitteh likes to sit on my pillow at night and rub my head. He greets me when I come home and loves to hang out with me. I’m so lucky!

      • 343GuiltySpark says:

        i noe wut yoo meen!! wai would sum wun abnandon a kitteh?? das cwazy. teh *only* reezun i can contriev iz dat teh ownurs wer gettin tyred of teh hed paploshuns. teh amount dat deys was peyin for teh sran rap was gettin too mannee.

        • 343GuiltySpark says:

          oopsee. i feelin stoopy nao. i was finkin too fast for mah fingurs. i ment to sai dat teh ownurs was peying too mennee for all teh sran rap deys be byin. mai brane was all ober teh plaise, and mah fingurs juss culdn’t keep up. :-P

  18. Daphne Moss says:

    Nothing makes kitteh happier than a shopping bag on the floor. Multiple attacks; hides out in it like a cougar in a cave; goes insta-feral’ retreats and then pounces on bag again, making owner jump from couch.

  19. Jessica Lynn says:

    I’d like to be non-returnable

    -Jessica lynn

  20. cheezburgler says:

    my nu thro pillo iz defectiv, wunt stay whar i putz it

    i can has refurnd?

  21. catalogical humor says:

    Non-returnable kitteh
    is bagged up n reddy fore eBay

  22. Duffy says:

    I iz feers panthur hidin in mah cave, lurkin. I is wild an untamd an dedlee.

    AN KWIT CALLIN ME KYOOT!

  23. homescribe says:

    i kant imajin anyonez wanting to return dis beyootiful kitteh … basik black is vary gud

  24. dapanferkitteh says:

    I can has forever home?

  25. Amethyst42 says:

    That cat reminds me SO much of my Ebby, who died one year ago yesterday. She had an affinity for bags. Once, while I was ordering a pizza, Ebby came barreling through the room in a panic! She’d tried to climb through the handle loops of a paper shopping bag, and ended up getting the handle ’round her neck. She was trying SO HARD to run away from this bag that was following her! I laughed so hard I had to call back and order the pizza later.

    • B! says:

      Poor Ebby! She gud gurl, waytin at da Brij. An she has a bag…. She sez “mew” in a litul voys, lurv da mawmee!! Brite star!

      • Brookeh says:

        Awwww, sweet Ebby. My cat Dhonn r at brij, too, I tell him looks for her; him has scratchin post dere, I knoes. Hims was 10 but stil lubbed by deh ladees. Hims same ting with deh bags.. :)

      • lunarmommy says:

        dis gibs me teers, finking abowt mah kittehs taht haz gon ober teh Brij. eben after mannee yrs (tehy haz gon 1 yr, 2 yrz, 10 yrz, an 15 yrz ago), still missez dem sadlee. but tehy in happee place on uver side, playin wit teh mowsie anjuls an teh fluterby anjuls an sniffn each uverz taylz. “Hai bruddeh! Hai sisteh! we wayt heer and plai till owr peeplez come findz us!”

  26. Brookeh says:

    Teh seel R borked, no monies back..

  27. Laura says:

    Dis mah bag, okeh?

  28. karen says:

    a kat in teh sak is werth 2 in teh bushh? nebber mined…….

  29. Theresa says:

    “Ize in a baaaaaaagh!! Ize in a baaaaaaaaaag!”

    • Liz says:

      I made this burger and this is my cat – and I just want to note that this comment totally made me laugh out loud at my desk! Theresa – well done!

  30. Ornith says:

    Mai kitteh waz returned by stoopid woman. She getz him frum shellter an sum purbread sumplaz, an he gotz the fleez frum purbread, and she takem boff to shellter jus for thatz! Stoopid stoopid woman! Shellter treet him for fleez and I getz to take him homez rite awai beecuz he alredy nutered. He iz kyootist softist sweetist kitteh in hol world. He givs kisses if u asks him! An givs kisses if u dont asks him, too. (He kinda sluttie dat wai.) An cuddel gudnite and sleep nexta pillo an sitz near me al day. Haz pritty bloo eyz and creemsikle fur. An so layd bak – can do anyfing to him, no problum. I think himz half ragdoll.

    He likez bagz like diz too. Can lai down an stil see owt. An choo nummy handelz, nom nom nom.

    So yah, return kitteh bad… but glad stoopid woman didz, beecuz nao iz MAI kitteh.

  31. halfbeast says:

    bag kitteh, you gon’ miss your bus
    u cantz hurry up, cuz you eated too much stuff!

    *sings*

  32. Tabbygail VanKittyworthless says:

    But of COURSE basic black kitteh is non-returnable. Kitteh is a must have STAPLE for EVERY well dressed wardrobe.

    Shouldn’t every closet have the purrrfect little black dress kitteh and matching pumps?

    Why would any one WANT to return thees one?

    Leetle black kitteh? WANT!

  33. alice says:

    how cutez iz thatz so adrablez


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