Unless u is a breeder for monehs. Den I specks u hab enuf sense to noe ai am NOT talking bout UR kittehs!

k. dis is whut i fink. insted of gettin loyers fur divorces, we need to get loyers fur marriages. iffen we hadta proove dat we shud get married, den dere wud be fewer divorces.

Eh, it’s one room, I’ll rip up the carpet and put in tiles… at some point.

–Em

So they DID have a phone… and this was after I’d told *HIM* he needed a damn phone….

so eldest called him and told him that mama was not around and he was able to check on all of them. At that time I was acting as his assistant, so he left me at the school with a pile of stuff to copy while he ran home between classes to check on the kids, and was grateful that I had volunteered to do the copying while he checked on the kids.

They are not ever left alone if he can help it – there’s a day-care type place where they can go if he needs to take them somewhere. DemonLizard probably was trying to use her absence to control him, but it didn’t work out quite right. He was really pissed, though, because he knows a 9-year-old can’t be left alone, nevermind alone in charge of two siblings.

OK his first wife died after 28 long wonderful years of marriage and they loved each other and were partners and were happy and loving and all that stuff that ppls are asposd to be. She couldn’t have kids and it was her saddest thing but he didn’t go out on her, not once, even when she said he could go make a baby w/ another woman and she’d raise the baby….. he didn’t. He loved her. She died of some kind of woman-cancer (endometrial, I think?) about 14-15 years ago. He misses her terribly. He lived in the house that they’d bought together, and taught his classes, and tried to move on.

Four years later, he met the Evil Lizard Demon from Hell, only she was cleverly disguised as a cute Chinese waitress, 18 yrs his junior. (at the time she was 33? him 51?) She was very efficient and very smart, he could tell, and he married her when she got pregnant, such was his joy with the world (despite the fact that she’d done that whole accidentally-on-purpose bullshit because what SHE really wanted was citizenship but I digress) …. she was super-fertile, had 3 pregnancies start-to-finish in 31 months. It was after Baby #1 was born, about 3 months into the second pregnancy, (Baby #1 = about 5 months old??) that she started to show her true colors… snapped into a violent manic-depressive mixed-state rage, tried to kill the baby, sent him to the hospital w/ a broken shoulder (he grabbed the baby and turned his back in time) … He thought it was very acutely bad post-partum depression, so he didn’t leave her, of course there was a baby on the way, he just COULDN’T….

The kids are beautiful and brilliant and sweet. I’ve met them. And yeah they’re KIDS… the youngest (the boy) is the kind of holy terror people should REALLY worry about… he’s not randomly destructive, no, he’s *SMART* destructive… (what would happen if I poured all the girls’ and mama’s lotion into papa’s laboratory blender? hmm…) that kind of stuff. And kids are kids and they’ve kind of run rampant in the house, they’ve peeled the really expensive wallpaper that papa and First Wife put up b/c they realized they’d never have kids….. but… From what I’ve heard about his first wife, I think she’d be thrilled that he had children to destroy the wallpaper.

However, PsychoLizard has destroyed more than the kids ever have …. she’s picked up and thrown heavy oak furniture through the walls in bipolar rages. She’s left piles of… *STUFF* all over the floor (wet laundry, garbage, etc) so the baseboards got moldy and warped and destroyed.

It’s fixable, he just wants her to get her own place… and the kids can have keys to both places, and it’d be great….. but in the meantime she’s fixated on *me* as the whore, and is pitching royal fits left and right. Whoever said she wants to divorce him and take the children and get support and then neglect them so she can do her own thing is EXACTLY RIGHT. I don’t think she’d trawl for a man, but I DO think she’d suddenly realize what groceries actually cost (Her money is her money, his money is their money… so his money pays for all the kids’ things…) She’d just not feed them probably. She’s got some kind of brain damage, seriously, there’s a hole in her corpus collosum, I’m led to understand… she just doesn’t use her right hemisphere that much…. the hormones that are supposed to trigger maternal behaviors worked while she was nurisng the babies but .. now that they’re somewhat capable on their own, she thinks they’re adults.

It’ll be a shock when she realizes how he’s set up his assets in trust and doesn’t actually own anything for her to take.

Ya know what, I kinda wish I were his whore some days. Poor guy deserves a little TLC from an adult female who actually cares about him, and doesn’t want anything out of him except a little intelligent conversation.

(erghh… sry)

momcat

(gascat, himz 18 noes mor dan me probly…..)

mai 1/2 meezer when I was a kitten cud get u dubl whami teef an nails pow! pow!

momcat

so i magine she iz all jellus an paranoidy cause she knowses how SHE gotted him. it wuz a swimmysoot. or a rok. or sumfing else dat maded him luk. an she not altr- – al-tru-ist-ic. not lukin aot for da kiddlez. let dem stay alone wifout a fone while she iz aot doin gourd-noze-whut. kinda self-ab-sorbed, huh. grabby, whiny kinda meedeeogre womin. no wunder she doan trust u – - nobuddy can trust HER.

iz a bad fing dat she duz da drive-by. a CREEPY fing. if she doan stop all da driveby and callin ur hubbyman, mebbe u gots to file sumfing urseff. *i can has peece bond* or whatevs u got wheres u lives.

!!! LEAVE ELFIE ALONE !!!

dere. i sayed it.

Hmm, mebbe she WANTS hubbee to hav da stoopee ho so she nawt has to pleez him nummoar, R els she wants reezun to divors him an tak da kids an get da munnee an ignor da kids while she goze hoarin fur anudder man…..

I kan haz anoneemous fon kall to chil pertektiv serbis? Iz much illeagle an danjurus to be leevin lil kids hom. Whut if a fyre? ZOMG, an no fone, much skeeree!!!

Bad lizerd deemin, BAD!!

Yoo jus go on an keep makin da meedeeogre wimminz skeered, cuz yoo is da smrt an happee!

We luffs ya, elfloozie!!!

Dat mus be some kinda cleevage…!!1!

as I tried to tell her dad it wuz her mouf that i wuz kissin…..

hehehe nickelback…. theze kittehz are in fact animals

Ur erojenus zone…. I has it….

Or

In ur erojenus zone….

Fancyng ur tikle.

I chokd on da f presur.

*hug*
things will be better…or at least they’ll be differnt…

Altho, u kno, whutev.

Kuz hims wyf iz lyk OMG U WONTIN HORE!! @ me. Kuz… kuz… I dunno. Maebe kuz she a bizzich an I nawt I dunno, I juz tryz to go to zkool. I nawt affayr wif mai 67 yr old bottinee teechur. Iz nawt mai fing, u kno? Him varee zmart, I talk to him, I lurn much much. But nawt abowt … um… u kno… um…. hims weddingtakkul. I nawt kno nuffyng abowt dat stuf.

I fink she mad dat I iz hims frend an I nawt sum flewziehore. I fink, if she wuz nawt teh evul bipolur lizzurd-deemin frum hell, an akshulie kud figur owt whut she wuz upset abowt, I fink she wud fynd dat she is upzet dat I iz NAWT sum dispozybul zlutpuppie. I fink zhe WUNT me to be ztoopy hore kuz den it wud be moar okeh sumhao. But noez.

But dat wud beez teh purfek werld, wunt it? Yah, I kno. It taykz awl kinz. An othur piffy sayingz abowt why evul lizurd-deemin-frum-hell wimminz be on dis earf. Yep. Awlz I kno iz I werryz abowt hims kidz. Her iz teh eevul, juz’ leevs wifowt tellin’ dem whar she goin’, leev dem alone wif no fone (dey no hav hoamfone, she sed we no needz wun, I havs cellfone)… the oldizt kidlet iz 9, an dat dae the uthur two wuz sik, so da 9-yr-old, she haves to tayk kare of sik 8-yr-old an’ sikker 7-yr-old siblyngz…. dey mae bees varee zmart kidz an’ varee rasponsibul, but dat iz nawt okeh. I wuz teh horrorfyde whin I hurd diz fing, I maked him goez to teh walmart an’ buyz teh prepayd go-fone foar da kidziz, so dey kan kall him if dat happin agin.

An dat ain’t da werzt ov it. I wud haetz hur if I kared to wazte dat mush ennergie on it. Her nawt werth moar then mai pitty. Hur iz teh nawt mammul-brane, hur iz teh lizurd-brane.

–Elfi

banilla rain
some stray cats make others feel the pain
banilla rain
but sighmeez cats will always seek revenge

Hims wyf, hoo iz teh KRAEZEE FREEK WUMMIN FRUM HELLZ fink I havin’ teh afayr wif him… Kuz him tookd me on feeld trip to park/lake to luk foar fossilz. Sins it wuz summur, I weared a swimmysoot (wun-peese pliz, kuz I iz pudgyfat) wif a payr ov jeenz…. Teh swimmysoot, it had teh krizzkross strapz in teh bak, wuz kyut an tazteful, an, I thot it wuz appropryit foar teh waring to teh layk, u kno, in teh summur, whut wif jeenz.

Him tookd piktorz of sum ov da rokz, an’ wun ov dem pixshurz him kinna got me bending down to pik up da big rok, an him got piktor lyk RITE DOWN MAI KLEEVIJ.

Well, I meen, I nont rilly kare, Him’s 67, rite, jeez, let da guy tayk a piktor if him wuntz, is nawt lyk I wuz nakkey or nuffin. Evin mai huzbin, u kno, dat guy I married to for 4 hole yeerz?!?! HIM!?!? DAT WUN?!? Him wuz lyk, “o hay, I nont blaym da guy, u gotz sum guud kleevij, yah!”

Well, himz wyfe dacided diz iz PROUF!!!!!!! dat we iz having WYLD TORRID AFFAYRE!!! *headdesk* zhe sawd deez piktorz, kuz him nawt fink der nuffyng rong an him showd da piktorz to hur dat wuz on hims kamra, der wuz menny piktorz nawt of teh Elfi. Well, den she gottid varee mad, zhe kalld me, damand to kno why I iz marryd but I “dress awl sexy” foar hur huzbin. I lyk, wtf u krayzee biznach iz teh swimmysoot, u no harazz meh nomoar. Her sai FYNE I kawl ur huzbin, I TELL HIM EVRIEFING! I like… um… ok, u kawl my huzbin. U tellz him I wored a swimmysoot to da layk in da summur. Nok urself owt, u krayzee koot.

Den she tuukd da piktorz to da lokil poleez dapartmint, an’ fyld a poleez raport dat I iz bad stoodint, horing to my profezzur, she raportid me foar talking to her huzbin when I at skool (IN HIMS KLASS!!), an’ even … *GAZP!!* avtur zkool wuz on brake frum summar to fall turm. Az evvidens ov mai horeing an’ evulniss, she prodoosd hims diggitul kamra, whish her stoled frum him. Da poleez wuz lyk… O.o Uh whut? but her inzist der be poleez raport bakuz I sush a evul wontin hore. O. An’ I threttind hur. I sed if she kawld mai huzbin I wud knok hur out. Varee threttiny, her afrayd foar hur life, yeth, varee. Gazp gazp. She evin had to draive bye my hows, in the uthar town, um sevril timez, whut to maek shur we wuz still hoam an nawt kom foar teh hurt hur.

Yep.

Dats whut taykingz of teh bottinee will git u.

–Elfi

Big talker Pinky