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dont fart, pleez


128298497698595000dontfartpleez.jpg

…do not want Dutch Oven

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  1. DevilBunnies says:

    Furst!!!

    • DevilBunnies says:

      Oh, pretend I said something funny.

      • ManfredMom says:

        TeeHee! LOL!!

      • ScotchAndMoreScotch says:

        ummmm Deeut ov wurms FTW!!!onehundredandelevensies!!!

        • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

          SAMS – do I read that correctly as Diet of Worms?

          • Kat H. says:

            Heer ai stand– ai meen, lie. Ai ken doo no odder.

            [Day says Martin Loother laikdted teh fart jokes. I dunno. i not Lootrun.]

            • D Marie says:

              I bee tinkin dey not meen dat Diet of Worms. Dey probly didn’t mean teh one abowt eetin teh worms, either (= much pleh!) I tink was a graphic novel? mebbe a British Comedy Skit? a punk band? all 3 at oncet? All teh searches I tried were not going nowheres. Dey knoo it were Mundaneday. But dey teesed me….here clik is link, answer will be dere, den it wasnt! SAMS! I gib up!

            • stend says:

              it sounds like one of those excrutiating christian rock bands, like ‘jars of clay’

              and now, fresh from paramus NJ, let’s give a big praise jesus halleujah for DIET OF WORMS

            • iamhoff says:

              Stend, u reeliz dat u ar sendin us all tu hell. Hope der’es cheezburgers in hell. Sownds lik a Jimmeh Buffit song – cheezburgers in pare-uh-dice.

            • stend says:

              well, at least we’ll have company

              … you should hear some of the riffs that come up in my REAL life – there’s a site I wanted to link to for the ‘dutch oven’ ref, but it’s gone to flash so is now unlinkable (probably a good thing) – suffice it to say rob clarke does lots of illustrations along these lines…

              http://www.paris-gay.com/liens/photos/25.jpg

            • stend says:

              better example, probably not safe for work

              http://www.artmetropole.com/index.cfm?
              fuseaction=shop.FA_dsp_browse_details
              &InventoryUnitsID=13db48d3-9845-41d8-9527
              -6de60bb6dbf5&CategoryID=&sale=&new=1

            • Jude says:

              In fact, Martin Loother wonce sayd dat he alweyz started teh moarnin wiht a prayur an a good fart becauz dat chaysd teh devul faaar awai.
              (Ai shud know, I r Lootherun an ai studdyed thiolojee.)
              He were a most phunneh karikter, M. L. was. Wud moast sertinly hav apeer… apray… laikd lolkittehs, had tehy eggzisted at hiz tym.

          • ScotchAndMoreScotch says:

            ya. I wuz just tryin to go for teh most unlykely uv refs; sumpin wut wood katch me off gard an reelee maek me laff. If I’d thot about it for two sekunds, I wood haf put together a string of extra randumness… like “Diet of Worms + Snoop Dogg + To Have and Have Not FTW!” its just that I dunno how “Yoo no hao to retract ur theesees, doncha? U just put ur lips tugetter and blizzle” wood wurk wif dat pik…

            • D Marie says:

              U weren’t here a minit ago! U mean all those Diet of Worms refs I got on Google were just coincidence? The band, the artists studio, all of them?

              Oh well, was fun lookin.

            • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

              Well, as Kat H. said above, Luther was known to have a very “earthy” sense of humor (much like modern day Germans, come to think of it) – so I thought SAMS wuz goin somewhere DEEP with this. A rare, rather obscure ref, to be sure, but it did seem to relate, in a peculiar sort of way.

            • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

              Aklshully, D Marie, when I read through all of this again, you are teh BIIIIIIGGGG WINNNNERRRRR! Just piktchurin u goin to awl those sites, findin awl dose things – clickin and linkin – all on a Monday. And all becuz Devil Bunnies said “just pretend I said sumthing funny” – so SAMS just randomly throws in “Diet of Worms” as teh funny thing she might have said. It’s almost as funny as a good British farce.

            • DevilBunnies says:

              Agreed. Iz much more funnah than anyfing Eye wood have sayd.

  2. RushnGreen says:

    Pleh? Wat eckzactly is Dutch Oven — or bettr nott to knowe?
    Methane = badd for envir’ment!

    • RushnGreen says:

      Am I teh… (shhhshhh)… has to dew wif numbrz…

      • kiwican says:

        nawt kwite- gud trai tho!

        • mystique says:

          Dah dutchez ovenz eez old childhud torturez devicez of dah ebil (n most often boi kynd)…dey frow blankie ober u so u r TRAPPED den deh let a floofeh rotten egg in dare n holded joo down so joo has to be gaspin n inhalin dis noxous gassez…

          Ah had free brudders n two male cousins – was often on horrid end of dis DO NOT WANT!!!1!

    • LC says:

      From the BBC HG2G site:

      Farts can bring more excitement into wedlock if administered in a Dutch Oven2: this is where one partner lets go a huge fart, pulls the duvet cover or bed sheets over the head of their loved one, trapping them in a confusion of methane, while shouting triumphantly, ‘Dutch oven! Dutch oven!’ The person trapped will wriggle like an eel, the trapper will then nearly die laughing and it will all end up in a really boisterous play fight. Of course, this is all in questionable taste.

    • lufflaff says:

      iz when won person in bed fartz, den pulls coverz over da other person in bedz, so dey must breathe de stink.
      iz awful.

      diz pic, is hilarious. teh win.

    • Summer says:

      A “dutch oven” is slang for farting in bed and putting the covers over the head of your bed partner (and/or your own head) to smell the result.

      Eeeeewwwww….

      • Tiki says:

        lol, dis wun haz teh eleventykajillion WIN!!!!One mah kittehs be fraids of teh farts(sound mostly) yet lurves to beh undacovrs in da bed.

        On a related note, I has a Mormon frend who calls teh Dutch Oven a “covered wagon”

        I ROFLMAO evrytime I be heerin dat!

    • RushnGreen says:

      Fanx to awl hoo gayve info on Dutch Oven. Pleh indeed! Do-not-want.

      Cans add taht expreshun to otehr nawt-so-nyce uses of “Dutch”: Dutch courage, Dutch treat, in Dutch…

      • Hissy says:

        Blame the Brits. They made all of those up when the English and the Dutch were competing in the 18th (?) Century for global markets.

      • ScotchAndMoreScotch says:

        dont furget wen u go on a date wif a cheepie boy an he sez ur gonna ‘go dutch’ (ftr I alwayze pays on teh date)

        • paws4thot says:

          I’ll usually suggest going Dutch on a first date, but that’s to do with removing any sense of obligement that either party might feel if paid for.

      • Blurgle says:

        Not so much the British: a Dutch Oven is a North American term for a large lidded pot with two handles. American Dutch ovens are mainly large and ceramic, while in Canada any pot no matter the size or composition that has two handles is a Dutch oven.

        • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

          This is very true – and I did not know previously of the more “earthy” meaning of Dutch Oven. However, now that I know it – well – google in Dutch Oven for a good giggle – there’s even and International Dutch Oven Society in Utah, which really sets the imaginashun on fyre!

        • Reese Tora says:

          in campin turms, we calls a duch oven da metul put wif metal lid dat yoo kin put fulla all sorts a fuds and bury in coals to cook

          is kinda like da litre box, onlee yoo wanna dig up aferwards, and is very NOT pleh

          most stores sell wif plastic handul on leed, will melt under coals, so onlee use in reglar oven… is not so great, akchooly

          mah seestr, she get her specheel wun maid wif thentic cast i-urn offa speshal deel frum bulk store, thentic, so she get her havin to oil it afta use an’ all… she use her it fur so-sigh-ity fur crate-ive archon-isms, tu be cukin in da war camps

          • BorisEvenWorse says:

            This are onlee Duch Oven I ever heared of. Is many more nicer than fard oven.

            And also 5 bergurs for “so-sigh-ity fur crate-ive archon-isms”; is many funnee. ;-)

  3. Kim says:

    Abomdiminidible sno-cat crawls out of her kave. Iz tyme to hunt. She….

    Wut yoo meen iz not abomdiminidible!?! Dont yooz ever plai pretend?

  4. Pittypat says:

    where’z taht little hans brinkitteh wen u needz him?

  5. Runs With Scissors says:

    camboflawge kitteh is … camboflawged.

  6. leaf says:

    I ready for my massage now (Bbbbbrrraaappppp *poot*)

    OH EXCUSEES PLEEZ

    (hehehehhehehe)

  7. ManfredMom says:

    Needz moar fedders for cummfyter?? Ai b happee to obwige u bai huntins moar burdz!! Dat iz, apter mai nap!! ZZZZZzzzzzz

  8. stefnee says:

    Don be comin over to my howse den kitteh. Da dutch oven be the hyest form of funnee to teh huzbend, and i fink my dawgz no how to do it to!

    • LuvBJones says:

      Huzbends is liek dat! Den day b flappin teh cubbers, blowin it aroun room …

      PLEH!

      • Cottleston Pie says:

        Gah. If that ain’t a warning to all us single gals, I don’t know what is!

        • teenie says:

          u myte get a guud wun lyke I did…he goez inna bafruum tu fart acuz hiz daddy teecht him yu dont fart in front uv a ladee…nebr mynd dat I let em rip alla tyme, he stil goez inna bafruum…is teh phunnee!

          • Jude says:

            Yoo laky grl!
            ackshooly, we tihnk pharting r teh phunnie. we alweyz trai 2 outdo each udder in mock indignayshun wen teh othr wun lets 1 go. but we wudnt go as far as pulling teh covr on teh oder wunz hed. dat r nasty.
            prolly 2 much info, sry.

          • mystique says:

            Pls 2 b notin dat gals NEBER EBER EBER FOREBER NEBER gives dah “shy farter” permischaunz tu juss let dem rip…mah hubbeh was lyke Cottleston Pie’s, wud always run to baffroom tu letz owt dem tooterz…den Ah sed “Iz okeh honee, Ah wuv oo no matterz wot u do.” Nao Ah has realized, dat boi fartzes NAWT lyke gurl floofies (btw Ah has convinced dah hubbeh dat gurls dun toot, dat dey has wot eez known az dah Poop Fairy who caum n tayke eet awai in lil sattin bagz…but dat whole udder storee)…bois muss has some sort uv nukl…nucl…nullkee…atomic combustion in demz bowelz to has such powerful PLEH… So dun eber let dem do dis ladeez! Joo can neber get dem to go bak!!

  9. Becca says:

    Da Kovrz! Dey haz MEEEEEE!

  10. LuvBJones says:

    I tink kitteh b loadin up a duch ubbin uv her own!

    *poot*

  11. Summer says:

    True story: our cats sleep with us, and if it’s chilly, sometimes our girlkitty will crawl under the covers. One night she crawled under them and ended up sleeping right by my fiance’s butt. I was awake and reading, and tried to warn her that this was not such a good idea, but…. well, he is somewhat of a flatulent person, and eventually the inevitable occurred. You should have seen the look on our kitty’s face as she crawled out from under the covers a couple of seconds later. “DO NOT WANT!” was plain as day to read on her face as she screwed it up into a scowl and stalked to the edge of the bed, jumped down, and left the room with as much dignity as she could muster. Her brother, meanwhile, looked up from where he was lying near my feet, safely atop the covers, and meowed as if to say, “Ai told her dat not gud plase to sleep, but she nevr lissens to me ennywayz.”

    I nearly died laughing.

    • ManfredMom says:

      ROFL!!!! Much win and awesum!

    • conscious cat says:

      OMG!ROFLMAO!!11! wut a graet storee

    • stefnee says:

      this funnee to the poynt dat teers run down my fayce

    • Kat H. says:

      Gidding merried 2 teh purrson u knows has da flatleytoolenz– dat iz troo lurve!

      • ManfredMom says:

        Has fren hoo haz flatleytoolenz problim. Merried nys lady hoo has belching problim. Togedder dey cawl demselfes teh “Baronss ob Belch n teh Faroe ob Fart”!

    • Seward says:

      HEE! And it’s always the fussy girl kitties that want to sleep under blankies, too. My Baby does the same thing, and she always snuggles up between Mommy’s and Daddy’s butts. One of these days, we’re going to wake up to a very stinky, pissed off kitten.

      Aldous, her brother (adopted), would probably try to join in. He’s made of stink and love.

      • The Crapture says:

        during the cooler months, my Shadow likes to get under the covers and wedge herself in between my arm and my ribcage…basically in my armpit…good thing i have decent hygiene or she would be one funked out kitteh

        My bratty baby Tonya usually parks herself on my chest in Sphinx position and purrs loudly but doesn’t like being covered unless the room is a little too cold, only time i don’t totally enjoy it is when both of them get so content with the situation that they both start kneading their claws into me. but i let them do it because, hey if mah kittehs are happy, then rly, so am i (even if a litl uncomfortable)

  12. gayla34 says:

    cameflooge kitteh is cam—– what? where he go?

  13. Theresa says:

    Gassy Cat sez 2 kn play at dat game.

  14. myfrisbee says:

    If I not moof, heeumnz not see me…

    • ExZonieKitteh says:

      Mai kitteh Sandi plaes wif toesies an attax an bytes dem if u muv 2 much. U waik up wif her bytin hard on 2 yur big tow. Owwee!

  15. Duffy says:

    I is jus helpin maek teh bed…

  16. Kat H. says:

    I gits ur toewses, yess yess yess ai wills!!!

  17. sillyannz says:

    oh hey lissen u can has a nyss tiem at werks todae, k? i be keepin ur bed awl nyss an tostee-warm fur u. k *stretch* bai!

  18. jellybeansmom says:

    Hoomin: Nebber letz go Jak!!!

    Jak de Katrio: I nebber letz go ….. of de cubberz!!!!

    *Jak de Katrio letz go and pushez de hoomins outz of cubberz

    Jak de Katrio: how U likez it laydee??

  19. philene says:

    fresh …. air … must … find …… halpppp….

  20. Lotje says:

    i’z dutch, no good joking, kthx

  21. Melissa says:

    *phhhhhhffffttttthhhhhpptt*

    DAMN HOOMIN!
    WTF DID U EET?
    U ROTTIN INSIDEZ!!!

  22. philene says:

    dutch oven keep cheezburgers warm?

  23. D.R. says:

    Oh halloo

    i testin tha floofiness ov dis blankey

    it rekwire sleepin all dey

    Call bak after test, pleez

  24. cat butt squirrel butt says:

    Ah reely lyks dis picshure: da colurs, da cat’s xpreshen, da pupills. Kitteh luks so kewt an reddy fur fun! (wich meens hims DID cut a phart!!)

  25. philene says:

    teh smeller’z teh feller

  26. Chairman Meow says:

    must tell story.

    TJ (as in TJ Hooker, cause he likes to put his hooks/claws into you) was on top of covers while I was trying to sleep. I was very relaxed. He heard the noise. It kinda shocked him a little, til he figured out it wasnt a mouse. He laid back down to go to sleep. About 10 seconds later after the smell had crept thru the covers, he jumps up and starts trying to cover up the invisible mess. It was almost like he had thought it was his. He had a look of absolute horror on his face. After a couple of seconds of furious scratching, to try and bury it, he gave up and ran off. Took him about 3 nights before he would sleep on the bed again. I had stopped laughing by that time.

    • cat butt squirrel butt says:

      TJ! 2 kewt!! Dat grate storee!! Funnee it tayk hims free daze afor he wud gets bak on bed.

    • jellybeansmom says:

      Jellybean used to like to sleep on my back with his head on my butt until one night we had chili for dinner.

      I had fallen asleep and my fiance was reading, Jellybean was in his normal position when all of a sudden I was awoken by the cat pouncing on my butt with full claw action.

      My fiance says I had farted (obviously lies since I am a lady and we have no gas) and the cat freaked out and attacked the noise.

      He still tells everyone we meet this story…. maybe I don’t need to get married after all …

      • mystique says:

        Ah tellz u we dun fartzes! Dah Poop Fairy comes n taykes eet awai in lil sattin bagz!

        (joo do has to admit eez funneh storee butt hubbeh wud totallee be aun dah cou…cooo…kouc…sofa for a coupleh daze aftr repeetzin diz storee av slanderz!

  27. Jack Deth says:

    Bayje Kitteh haz a
    fing for beeg, fluffee pilloz.
    Maydz 4 raynee Dayz

    Kanz eever klymz up
    orz krawlz unner. Tho unner iz
    sumtymez bettah

    Bayje Kitteh allso
    Toez Mawnstur. Waytz payshuntlee
    4z unwayree prey :-)

    Jack.

  28. kamie says:

    khi! iz tuf to crawlz out but nize 2 see u.

  29. yer mom says:

    i has a dutch oven in mah kitzhen

  30. SJ says:

    Had kitteh wunce who sneeeekled into teh bedroom when you wuz sleepin an settled down on ur hed. So u wakes up in teh mawnin face fullov cat butt. Waz not so gret, ackshully. In Soviet Russia (well, Hampshire – is close) Kitteh Fart on You!!

  31. Jennifffuurrr says:

    Beenz, beenz, teh musicle froot…

    One of my favorite lines from John Irving’s “Hotel New Hampshire” is when Franny says “You’re as queer as a cat fart!”

  32. ozzy mandius says:

    I maided u cheezburgers in teh Dutch Oven … but I eated them.

  33. mystique says:

    Oh hai…dis nawt tunnelz tu chyna??

  34. mystique says:

    WOT?? Doze waz u tozes??? Ah fowt dey waz snausagez!

  35. BorisEvenWorse says:

    “Hay! U sayd this fevver bed — it not, it bag from rox! I is squishered!! HALP!!1!”

  36. jennywoo says:

    the Diet of Worms isn’t about eating worms. A Diet was/is an ecclesiastical parliament and Worms (pr. Verms) was where they met hence the Diet of Worms, just like Treaty of Versailles.
    I drive the History Truck. Anyone want a ride?
    :)

  37. Et Tut Mien Spiet! says:

    Spriken Ze deuctsh, ya?

  38. .:Joe Man:. says:

    how bout spanish uvun?

  39. FetzlsMom says:

    Mah kitteh yoosed to dutch oven me. Kitteh fartz iz da wurst!!!
    Ah miss hurr :(


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