Noir cat
…doesn’t mind a reasonable amount of trouble.
capped and submitted by: Daniel T.
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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.
reasonable human accepts that, but predicts darker times…
(um… how many comments down the thread am i?)
Furst, d@mmit!!;-)
It wuz raynin in dah sitee ov angels, a hard rayne.
Paws - GRATE comment, even tho awnlee second!
* sings * suuuumday ur Furst will come . . . (taht be intended to be bi-lingual pun)
. . . an teh streetz were dark with sumthing moar than nite.
Teh kind of rain dat turns everything gray and maeks u feels liek God is relieving himself on you…
Ewwww. Do not want!
“Come in out of that rain! Oh, look at you, you’re soaked! Here, let me take your coat– phew! What is that SMELL?”
“Deity pee.”
“‘Deity pee’?”
“Yeah. You know, Godtinkle.”
Ummm… wut duz taht maek *snow*? or *hail? Major Pleh!
Snow is teh dandrif, hail b kidnee stoans.
An’ heer ai alwayz thawt teh rain wuz me makin’ god crai …
and god cries because he saw whut you did there…
god is teh cieling cat?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh cmon, can’t god be cieling cat 4 one day (he would like the luxuryz)
It wuz dark an stormee nite…
Iz raynin teh begg kittehs n goggies. Liek da maen koonz an duh gretses Daynez!
I needs u to lokate sum pepole. They has stolen cheezburgers. I wants them bak.
I haz reezen to beleeve teh malteez falcon is wurth sumthingz.
i wll kill teh falcon and brin him to teh bak door as prezent for hooman… hooman will den b so pleezed she giv cheezburger to me. Iz brilliant plan!
Thief! Wantz my Maltwese referece back! LOL FTW!!
Sinse taht trip to teh vet, they call me Sam Spayed.
I wuz finkin abowt dat joek tu. Winz fr u.
I can has Malteez Falcon?
Ai m teh kitteh hoo walx bai hisself n all plaicez has aliek 2 mee. kthxbai
The goggie was wylde, and teh lolpony was wylde, and teh lolbovine was wylde, and teh lolsheep was wylde, and teh lolpig was wylde—as wylde as wylde cud bee — and dey walked in teh wet wylde woods by their wylde lones.
Lurves teh Kiplings.
Litterary kitteh sez WIN!!11!!
Kipling FTW! Bravo!
“Do you like Kipling?”
“I don’t know — I’ve never kippled.”
shhh, saw that on a dirty comik one time!
Or……
reesistens iz footile…..
Preepar to bee assimulated
A dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets, but on the 12th floor of the Acme Building, one kitteh is still trying to find the answers to life’s persistent questions…..Guy Noir, Private Eye.
Ozzy lissens tu too muches Publik Radioz …
no such thing as too muches Publik Radioz!
amen to dat!!! guy noir iz mah fayv!!!
Garrison Kiellor ref…….sigh…..he can be has mai HERO!!!!!!!
I LUBZ dat guy (oh bery sub-tl plai n werdz der)……n ….ai LUBS PHC….bean lissened to dat 4 thurteen eleben yerz nao!!!!!!!
Garrison Kiellor for PREZIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
YAAAAAAAY!
Yes. ‘least we know he can read
u shud visit hims bukstor. is teh hevin. is liek comin hoem cept u never seed it bfoar. an der is awsum cofee upstayrs too.
Weez lukky - wez born aftur Mark Twain, but weez got Garrison Keillor!!!
eftur Mark Twaiein n eftur Wil Rojrzz but weez stil lukky wid Garzn Keillorr. Garzn Keillorr hez flavor nom nom nom …
An Ambrose Bierce! Sarcatstick writrr iz…missing bleevd ded….
LOL!
Film Noir cat…
reflects on lifes futility with some measure of regret
Iz jus Burger Town, Jake.
Do your friend a favor and get him the hell out of here.
noir cat understandz teh knead 4 cekricy. “don wurree kitteh. ur cekrit iz saef wid me. Shhsss…” *steps back into the shadows*
it wuz a lonlee nite, n i wuz werkin on my compooter wen i herd a nok at teh door. it wuz a calico dame bringin moar trubble den a litter of kittehs in a toilet paper truk. she lookd at me wif her big yellow eyebls n sed, “meow.”
mmfto!!! WIN!!!!!
Agrees wiht teh WIN. mmfto = ? Can has translayshun plz? Kthxbai
“midnite meows,” for teh oskar!
mmfto = meowing mai furry tail off
WIN!!!! DING,ding,ding,ding,dinnnnng!
“i kan’t help u” i sed. 2 much 2 do. has blogs to be bloggin n compooter stuffs n waht not.
“plz!” sed teh cailco dame. “i haz much trublez, mai bebbe haz been taken 4 ransome. needs helps. teh wants 5 tubs of teh katnip but no has! can pay u! in cheezburgers! in advance!”
there. she sed it. teh cheezburgers. some kitteh must hav tol her. my weakness. kood walks away from teh money, teh skoch, teh power. even teh deep, pleedin blue eyz of teh caildo thats seems to promiz the plezures of heeven if i makes her happie. but i kan’t walks away from teh cheezburgers.
“3 cheezburgers a day. plus ’spenses. in advance”
Winz!!!
Wifowt anuthur wurd, she put the McBurgur kewpons on mah desk.
“Okeh - les get startid. Yu got any idee hu mite hav sumthin aginst yu? Sumwun whu mite be innerested in getin yur taill in a twist?”
She hezitated, wiskers twitchin. Her eers flikd nervusly at teh sownd of the AC in teh next room. “Well…I wuz thinkin…there wuz a nite last week when Mungo Jerry and I were owt behind O’Malley’s…”
“Mungo Jerry?” I sez, “Whut wer yu doin wif him?”
As teh lubly calico essplaiend bout Mungo Jerry, ai reflekteded awn teh randsome o katsnipp.
“Mus bee peeps,” ai interrrupteded. “Lotsa peepz bleev n katsnip. Day not grok cheezburgrz modrn currencie wid kittehs. Watt peeps u no?”
“Peepz?” craid teh startailed dame. “His onnlie Doktr Strangelrv doan at teh labb. Ded e steel mai bebeh?! O noes!!1!”
“Cann it, dame,” ai sayed. Deez daims alwaiz get skeered in advanz. “Aim tinkin.”
Tinkin–it com difficult wehn teh femm in teh rums. but I r serus cat, can b serus.
I nowed Mungo Jerry frum wai back. Himz a big tom wif a chip on hiss sholdr lik a dbl order ob country fraiz… but not doo so much big stuff. Him breks teh hin legs for a muny, lean on gooshy fud shopes, run da numberz… small potetoes in tehs kitteh’s citteh.
Teh peepul wuz anover story… an not wun wif an every after endin, eiver. Ai noe teht Peta uz brekin hedz ober illigul labz latey. it wuz in all teh papurz. sordid photoz of rezkud bunnehs in heaby ey liner, gogiez pulled frum undrgrown knnelz still hai on cawf suripz. Peepulz r nuthin butt trubl.
Den the daim paips up,” Hey, whut?! U falled asleep nao?!!?”
“No,” I sez, ” I tinkin bested wif mai eyez clozed.”
“moar trubble den a litter of kittehs in TP truk” iz perfikt.
owtstanding! i muches wantz 2 b reeding moar ov teh storee. u rite it nao. kthxbai
WIN!!!1!! I <3s Noir cat + commentz!
Dis hole tred haz t3h much awsum!11!1!
U had me at “meow.”
In Soviet Russia, Noir Cat is forced into shadows…
In Soviet Russia, shadows are forced into Noir Cat. . .