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Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.
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Cheezburger Network Blog
reasonable human accepts that, but predicts darker times…
(um… how many comments down the thread am i?)
Furst, d@mmit!!;-)
It wuz raynin in dah sitee ov angels, a hard rayne.
Paws – GRATE comment, even tho awnlee second!
* sings * suuuumday ur Furst will come . . . (taht be intended to be bi-lingual pun)
. . . an teh streetz were dark with sumthing moar than nite.
Teh kind of rain dat turns everything gray and maeks u feels liek God is relieving himself on you…
Ewwww. Do not want!
“Come in out of that rain! Oh, look at you, you’re soaked! Here, let me take your coat– phew! What is that SMELL?”
“Deity pee.”
“‘Deity pee’?”
“Yeah. You know, Godtinkle.”
Ummm… wut duz taht maek *snow*? or *hail? Major Pleh!
Snow is teh dandrif, hail b kidnee stoans.
An’ heer ai alwayz thawt teh rain wuz me makin’ god crai …
and god cries because he saw whut you did there…
god is teh cieling cat?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh cmon, can’t god be cieling cat 4 one day (he would like the luxuryz)
It wuz dark an stormee nite…
Iz raynin teh begg kittehs n goggies. Liek da maen koonz an duh gretses Daynez!
I needs u to lokate sum pepole. They has stolen cheezburgers. I wants them bak.
I haz reezen to beleeve teh malteez falcon is wurth sumthingz.
i wll kill teh falcon and brin him to teh bak door as prezent for hooman… hooman will den b so pleezed she giv cheezburger to me. Iz brilliant plan!
Thief! Wantz my Maltwese referece back! LOL FTW!!
Sinse taht trip to teh vet, they call me Sam Spayed.
I wuz finkin abowt dat joek tu. Winz fr u.
I can has Malteez Falcon?
Ai m teh kitteh hoo walx bai hisself n all plaicez has aliek 2 mee. kthxbai
The goggie was wylde, and teh lolpony was wylde, and teh lolbovine was wylde, and teh lolsheep was wylde, and teh lolpig was wylde—as wylde as wylde cud bee — and dey walked in teh wet wylde woods by their wylde lones.
Lurves teh Kiplings.
Litterary kitteh sez WIN!!11!!
Kipling FTW! Bravo!
“Do you like Kipling?”
“I don’t know — I’ve never kippled.”
shhh, saw that on a dirty comik one time!
Or……
reesistens iz footile…..
Preepar to bee assimulated
A dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets, but on the 12th floor of the Acme Building, one kitteh is still trying to find the answers to life’s persistent questions…..Guy Noir, Private Eye.
Ozzy lissens tu too muches Publik Radioz …
no such thing as too muches Publik Radioz!
amen to dat!!! guy noir iz mah fayv!!!
Garrison Kiellor ref…….sigh…..he can be has mai HERO!!!!!!!
I LUBZ dat guy (oh bery sub-tl plai n werdz der)……n ….ai LUBS PHC….bean lissened to dat 4 thurteen eleben yerz nao!!!!!!!
Garrison Kiellor for PREZIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
YAAAAAAAY!
Yes. ‘least we know he can read
u shud visit hims bukstor. is teh hevin. is liek comin hoem cept u never seed it bfoar. an der is awsum cofee upstayrs too.
Weez lukky – wez born aftur Mark Twain, but weez got Garrison Keillor!!!
eftur Mark Twaiein n eftur Wil Rojrzz but weez stil lukky wid Garzn Keillorr. Garzn Keillorr hez flavor nom nom nom …
An Ambrose Bierce! Sarcatstick writrr iz…missing bleevd ded….
LOL!
Film Noir cat…
reflects on lifes futility with some measure of regret
Iz jus Burger Town, Jake.
Do your friend a favor and get him the hell out of here.
noir cat understandz teh knead 4 cekricy. “don wurree kitteh. ur cekrit iz saef wid me. Shhsss…” *steps back into the shadows*
it wuz a lonlee nite, n i wuz werkin on my compooter wen i herd a nok at teh door. it wuz a calico dame bringin moar trubble den a litter of kittehs in a toilet paper truk. she lookd at me wif her big yellow eyebls n sed, “meow.”
mmfto!!! WIN!!!!!
Agrees wiht teh WIN. mmfto = ? Can has translayshun plz? Kthxbai
“midnite meows,” for teh oskar!
mmfto = meowing mai furry tail off
WIN!!!! DING,ding,ding,ding,dinnnnng!
“i kan’t help u” i sed. 2 much 2 do. has blogs to be bloggin n compooter stuffs n waht not.
“plz!” sed teh cailco dame. “i haz much trublez, mai bebbe haz been taken 4 ransome. needs helps. teh wants 5 tubs of teh katnip but no has! can pay u! in cheezburgers! in advance!”
there. she sed it. teh cheezburgers. some kitteh must hav tol her. my weakness. kood walks away from teh money, teh skoch, teh power. even teh deep, pleedin blue eyz of teh caildo thats seems to promiz the plezures of heeven if i makes her happie. but i kan’t walks away from teh cheezburgers.
“3 cheezburgers a day. plus ’spenses. in advance”
Winz!!!
Wifowt anuthur wurd, she put the McBurgur kewpons on mah desk.
“Okeh – les get startid. Yu got any idee hu mite hav sumthin aginst yu? Sumwun whu mite be innerested in getin yur taill in a twist?”
She hezitated, wiskers twitchin. Her eers flikd nervusly at teh sownd of the AC in teh next room. “Well…I wuz thinkin…there wuz a nite last week when Mungo Jerry and I were owt behind O’Malley’s…”
“Mungo Jerry?” I sez, “Whut wer yu doin wif him?”
As teh lubly calico essplaiend bout Mungo Jerry, ai reflekteded awn teh randsome o katsnipp.
“Mus bee peeps,” ai interrrupteded. “Lotsa peepz bleev n katsnip. Day not grok cheezburgrz modrn currencie wid kittehs. Watt peeps u no?”
“Peepz?” craid teh startailed dame. “His onnlie Doktr Strangelrv doan at teh labb. Ded e steel mai bebeh?! O noes!!1!”
“Cann it, dame,” ai sayed. Deez daims alwaiz get skeered in advanz. “Aim tinkin.”
Tinkin–it com difficult wehn teh femm in teh rums. but I r serus cat, can b serus.
I nowed Mungo Jerry frum wai back. Himz a big tom wif a chip on hiss sholdr lik a dbl order ob country fraiz… but not doo so much big stuff. Him breks teh hin legs for a muny, lean on gooshy fud shopes, run da numberz… small potetoes in tehs kitteh’s citteh.
Teh peepul wuz anover story… an not wun wif an every after endin, eiver. Ai noe teht Peta uz brekin hedz ober illigul labz latey. it wuz in all teh papurz. sordid photoz of rezkud bunnehs in heaby ey liner, gogiez pulled frum undrgrown knnelz still hai on cawf suripz. Peepulz r nuthin butt trubl.
Den the daim paips up,” Hey, whut?! U falled asleep nao?!!?”
“No,” I sez, ” I tinkin bested wif mai eyez clozed.”
“moar trubble den a litter of kittehs in TP truk” iz perfikt.
owtstanding! i muches wantz 2 b reeding moar ov teh storee. u rite it nao. kthxbai
WIN!!!1!! I <3s Noir cat + commentz!
Dis hole tred haz t3h much awsum!11!1!
U had me at “meow.”
In Soviet Russia, Noir Cat is forced into shadows…
In Soviet Russia, shadows are forced into Noir Cat. . .
ISR, Cat iz shadowed, then forced into Nowhere . . .
[brainsplort]
I suppose this was the inevitable conclusion to soviet russia meme.
Brainsplorts. Who knew.
In Soviet Russia, brainsplort has you?
Der. Brainsplort?
Sumbudy needz teh write a dicshunary jus for dis site….whas a brainsplort?
U peepes be mush tuu intlekshuals for dis wurld. Jus be sittin round readin dis famus wun an dat famus wun and talkin frenchie…U bunch a boheemianz (i think – gots to look it up). Itz ok, I laffs and laffs anywayz.
U no…. that dikshunary ideea probly be makz sumbudy rich! LOL Kitteh Dicshunary only $39.95 ,TODAY onleez. We guts a LIMTED suplies left! Order Urs NOW! Onliest $39.95!
Dats bout as intelekuals az I gets in wun day. I sleepz now zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Brainsplort is teh sownd of thinkin too hard abowt metafizzicks and such, an yer brain overheatin and meltin down. or owt yer eers. or sumfin. Iz all a sownd effekt, ennyway.
Whut happens if u sneez rite after a brainsplort?
Whut happens?
One word:
EEEWWWWW!!!!
Yu blow yer brains owt, uv corse.
an heer i wuz finkn teh BANZAI thred wuz bestest.
so
much
LOLZ!
Wowzers, lolfrenz. I thot i wuz an intellijement sort of kitteh, but yall are leevin me in da litterboks on dis one.
Never sawed da Maltese Falcon. Nebber readed Sam Spade. Axually, nebber red NONE of dem nwar-thingiez. Sortakindamebbe gotz SUM idea ob whatall iz goin on in dis thred, but for da most part?
BRAINSPLORT indeed!
My great impresseddedness–let me show you it.
If that cheezburger be leefing teh plate an ur not sharing, ull regret it.
Maybee not todai. Maybee not tamarrow, but soon an for teh rest of ur lyfe.
Catsablanca!
Fred McMurray Cat is crazy about you, baby.
I thinkz I haz smelled a troll. Too meny gud commentz with reely low burgerz!
Yeth. It’s funny we don’t get alot of trolls so we notices.
Get back unner teh bwide troll!!!!
heh heh, it be a nooleewed troll?
oh, mai – snert, kittehlolz galore! Bring on the trolls if tehy can gerneate commentz as funnie as this!
oops bwidge bwidge…
Man i can’t WAIT for this kidey stone to pass.
The drugs are making me can not has typing.
The sequel to the princees bride…TEH TROLL BWIDE!!!!
billygoats were teh bwidal partee.
yowz, u still be waitin? Poor bebbeh!
Youz gotz kidney stone? oh man! ouchy ouchy ouchy. Had 10 of dem when I was young (and palyed wif dinosours) Sooooooo much full of da ouch! Always pass at 4 Am on Sunday night just to make shur dat it be a BIG hassel. Very sorry you hav dat. Maybve dis be first and last? Iz thinkin my bestest thouts for youz.
U drynk cranberree joos nao, k? Leest U gots drugs fur da payns…. Hugs fur yoo, too. Dat help!
Dat vrrry tru. My grandma tell me dat n I thinz “wat do she know”? Den my doktor sae da sam ting. Works good! Drink plentee!
fankoo guize!!! yes it r takin FOREVAH!!!
Dere Melissa, so sorry to heer u r still sufferin. I nebber had dat, but wun heerz awful tings abawt it. I do hope it weill soon be over. Still – “bwidge” was funnie, butt “bwide” was totally hilarious. Purrhapz ur subconscious wuz at werk!
kidney stonez…dey is teh pleh, but teh drugz hav much win.
I havd kidney stonez but onlee saw dokter fr drugz wun tyme. rest uv de tymez I havd dem, I drinkz cranberree joos wif vodka…joos iz fr kidneez, vodka iz fr brayn tu kwit finkin abowt how much OW en DO NOT WANT kidneez ar havin.
me en kittehz sendin prayrz en stuf.
I read slow.Typz even slower Forgutz ta vote, hadda go back and vote. Naow EVERYBODY here got a vote good, bad or indifferntz! OK?
Kthnxbai
Dis was supposed ta go in teh troll thread…surry. On the brite side I finally figured out how that
got there.
How DID that (i don’t know what it is so I can’t make one) get there? I see ‘em everywhere on ICHC, but can’t figure out what they are! Sumbuddy splain to dis noob plz. k thx bai.
commentz guys is awsumz!!! so braineez!!! lurlz!
Mystic keethie sayz: in tha reealeetee all iz woid
Dere are 8 meelyun stories in teh city…sum of dem involve harblz…dis is wun of dem…
Teh lolcomment u has just red is troo. Turkeyburger’z naym has bin chanjed 2 protekt teh… um… “innosint” mite nawt fit heer….
lols and win!!! remeber it is turki brgrz (no relaishun) huz naym changed to protec inocent. I assum we protect them from TB(NR)?
AAHHH! Skunked again. Dis not my day! LOL. I consoul mysf wid de idea dat I r hangin wit odder great minds! (Iz tru actaully. not 2 sure bout da “odder part, but yuz is a hole herd of gate mindzez. luv you guys eb en when yuz getz to my onliest ideas quiker dan I can) I not da troll btw. If a funny are worth votin for, it r worth five burgfers me thinks.
Odder tahn whut?, wun mite ask. I do think mindz must be sumwhut odd to enjoy this site as much we seem to do!
Midnite Louie? Feh. Amachoor.
U jus jelus u don’t liv in vintug hi-riz and eet fresh carp. Midnite Looie roks. An he’s from Texas. Well, his writer iz.
(Akshully I agreez. I haz all teh Midnite Looie buks. In hardcovur. Hez teh catz meow, an so is his hyoomin chik.)
This be grate! I previously had nawt herd of Midnight Louie! Dunt kno how I missed him. I’se off to teh liberry!
Da bestest PRO b eazy rallins. Scary cold dude but lubs da kids and da kiddehs, Taks in boff off of da streets an maks hom for all. Tank youz Walter Mosley 4 good ol eazy
Der are 8 million stories in the naked city. Noir kiiteh are telling one of dem.
mah mummee has nawt teh allow mee for teh watchg uv dat sho when ai wuz liddel kint. Did i misdted ennyfing?
If youz saz it as kidd, yu da been imprepre…immpress…wowed. Yu grow up, dey ceem kinda dumb. Only spookiegood when you a dum kid.
kannot smoke cigarett foar dramatik effekt – no opposibal thumms.
Plus, dat hot thingy on teh end of teh cigar-plehtte singes mah whiskers–do not want.
Alsos, whisky hangoverz waiz worz den catnips.
Prybitt Iee Kitteh
waytz bie t3h fone 4 a callz
frum fyooturr klyunt
“Itz wuz a kold nyte
in t3h sittee bie t3h Bay.
Kold, wetz an foggee”
“A silloett poared
akrawss t3h door. A daym in
surch uv Cheezburgrz”
Jack.
u rite moar ov teh pom, k? i kan deteck a hole sereez ov gud mistiree storees frum u. bestests. WIN!1!
She glided into hiz office, tail curled, fur glistening…and he gnu she wuz trubble.
Then she tryd to sit on hiz lap while he waz standing up.
“Ah knews she wuz trubble when she furst padded in…maybe it wuz teh way teh tip of her tailz flikked back and foarth..maybe it wuz teh way her furzes had been rubbed teh wrong wai…or maybe it wuz teh naemtag she wore which read ‘Hai! Mai naem is TRUBBLE‘…”
Wut’s gnu wif u? I can has lolgnu?
I luffs de gnu puns. All de gnus thatz fit to print!
“She hadz t3h kynd uv
klass dat kan’t B bott or tawt.
Ryte daown 2 herz pawz
“She “meowww”ed a sadz
storree abowtz a misseeng
Cheezburgr an fryz
“Dis Cheezburgr wuz
speshull. Wun uv a kynd. ‘T3h
Katnipp Cheezburgr’!”
Jack.
teh kitteh cumz in on liddle fog feetz . . .
Bu is not reasonable to keep fergetting to pay the electric bill!
Cant pay eletrik bil, blowd all monies on chezbgrs, need rehab
no, no, no
of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine
wuz waytin fr dis kwoet.
stend not disapoynts!
“A cheezburgr has been stolen! Round up teh yoosual suspekts!
…and plz to be givings me a tsty bevrg nao. KTHXBAI.”
it wuz kaizr sozay.
But Kevin Spacey wasn’t anywhere NEAR here!
I am shocked — shocked! — to find out that… CATNIP-TAKING has been going on here!
(– Your ‘nip, Sir.
— Thank you.)
* * * * * * * * * *
Allons chatons de la catrie,
Le jour royal est arrive…
* * * * *
We’ll always have Purris.
Noir Cat est blanc et noir. (2 yers hyskool French)
Noir chat…
This is mah bete, noir.
Wat wif da Maltese Falcon and Cassablanca, dis be Humfree Bogart daa?
Yeah, schweet-hawt. An don’t fergit “Teh Big Sleep” (purrfect for our kitteh PI). Bogie FTW! Nobody else comes close (IMNSHO)
“You know how to snorgle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together and smooch teh little kitteh right between her ‘dorable earsies!”
Oh yez that man wuz secksee!!!
Dont leev owt Teh African Queen neether!!!
R mi iz rilly brown?
Then a guy came through the door with a gun.
I said “put that thing away before you kill us both!”
“you stole my cheezburger and I want revenge!”
“OK Louis ok. How ’bout I take you pot to Ted’s montana grill and we has a big bison burger. will that make it up to you?”
“Well… I dunno…can I has onion rings too?”
“Sure. Just put the gun away. Please.”
*sigh*”OK. But if you ever EVER steals my burger again, there will be hell to pay.”
Teh Maltese kitteh!!
I luf dis kittehs ‘
Poo
It posted 4 I wuz dun 
But luf kittehs ’spression … him is activly _lookn_ for reeznable ‘mount of trubble!
imdb(dot)com
search “The Maltese Falcon”,
got script straight from the movie, and the first line is “I don’t mind a reasonable amount of trouble”
Never did see…must go rent.
Bit ‘o trivia: The voice of Ren Hoek (of “Ren and Stimpy” fame) was inspired by Peter Lorre’s character in TMF. Ai bleev he ackshully utters teh classic lien: “You fat, bloated eeediot!”
Five-star movie. Classic, classic, classic. Unbelievable cast, script, cinematography. When u see it u will realize how much later movies stole from it (er… “paid homage”). Ummm… didz Ai menshuns Ai lyked itt?
I had a kitteh I yoozed to call “Gutman” after teh Sidnee Greenstreet karaktur- he was a chubbee kitteh wid a frowny fayce. I awaz thot hiz voyce wud sownd liek Sidnee’s…
A dark night, in a city that knows how to keep it’s secrets. One cat is still trying to find his cheezburger.
Noir cat.
Bewayr teh Fat Man, kitteh!
But… but… himz has so mennee cheezburgers!
But himz nebber share!
emokitteh is masked in shadow…and likes it like that.
( Queue Bauhaus’ Bella Lugosi Dead )
I lubs dat song!
Reminds me of dat David Bowie vampire moovie…
Teh name plz?
The Hunger.
I can has prize?
No you cannot has.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0085701/
Yess dat’s it. I kept thinkin it was “The” sumpin.
my littermate! my kitten! my littermate! my kitten! SHE’S MY LITTERMATE AND MY KITTEN!
Chinatown ref! FTW!1!
Winnah!
Ai wuz in mai office on a Furday afternoon, when teh fone rang. I tried to picks up teh reseever, cursed mai lack of opposable thumbz, and hit teh speeker button. It wuz teh Lolrus.
He began to tells me a tale…a tale of woe, misery, and lost bukkits. Oh, I’d heard teh saem storee a thousand tiems befoar–sum lolrus wuz happee with his bukkit, den he gots taken in by sum dame with a whistle and a flashy wetsuit, and offerings of feeshes…mmmm, feeeshes nom nom nom…wait, whut? Where wuz Ai? Oh, rites. Den, jus’ liek dat, teh Dame is gone and with her goes teh feeshes and his bukkit.
Dis lolrus tells meh he jus’ wants his bukkit back, but Ai suspeckt it is moar den dat. Mai catgut feelings tellz me he wants revenj, and he even hinted dat he has ninjas, and wuz not afrayed to uses dem.
He tolded meh dat he thot he saw dis Dame teachin dat whale Shamooz sum new mooves, no dowt to gets her hands on HIS bukkit–which wuz probably bigger dan teh lolrus’s’s.
At leest dat wud give meh a playse to start. Ai started to walk over to teh Lolrus’ place. I wud have liekd to drives, but at teh advise of mai Legal Profeshunal, Ai shud nawt works teh peddals…
Nomday, 2Cheezburgerday, Wiskday, Furday, FrieCheezburgerDay, Caturday, Snoozday … pleh plenny cheezburgers butt not eeenuf taim fur snoozn thxbai
Lol, alwayz lissen tu yr Legal Profeshunal!
Whew, I just drawped mah popcorm bukkit on teh floor uv teh LOLTheater… I can’t wayt 2 see how dis moobie endz… plenny suspencefull!!!!
Hallo. I beleev yu haf sumting of mai client’s–HIS BUKKIT.
Um, I new Ceezburgerite. Cans someone explainz joke to me?
I will explain how to gain understanding…..In the sidebar you will see a list of TAGS, there is a more complete list of Tags at the bottom of the page. When you know you have missed something, find the tag that most closely matches your quest. In this case, you need to click 2 different tags. Start with Lolrus, and then do bucket. After viewing the images that come to you, come back and read this thread again, and it will make more sense.
Hopefully, because this is ICHC, after all, and sometimes we just don’t make sense.
The Refrense Lolbrarian *points way to refrense section*
May I add? I speak English (tho u apparentleh undertandes teh LOLcat). There are now HUNDREDs of references being used that refer back not only to the previous pictures, but also to previous threads and comments. It will ALWAYS be funny to read what is here now, but if you really want to understand everything, you will simply have to go back and look at the previous pictures and comments. Best, I think, simply to start with the pictures – that would go fairly quickly. But eventually you will need to read the comments. That will take a LOT of time, but I think you would find it highly rewarding. Lots of REALLY funny stuff has gone on before. Also – the earlier pictures did not have nearly as many comments as they do now, so you will at least get off to a faster start. They, of course, also did not have so many references – because there was nothing to refer to.
For example, if someone refers to “Bunway Airline,” you simply have to have seen the picture. After which you will fall on the floor and roll around laughing! It’s sort of like reading a novleist who writes with continuing characters. Of course, you can read each individual book as a stand alone and enjoy it. But in order to understand ALL the references, you have to start with the first book and read them all.
But also feel free to ask – this is a VERY friendly and nice group of people and almost certainly someone will explain it to you. I still don’t get everything by a long shot – so don’t feel like the lone stranger!
And welcome. All people of good will and good humor are welcome here.
I needz a poster of this one! My son’s bedrum is done in Noir….all black white grey and old movie posters. Kitteh would be purrfect aksesory
(U shood have seen hiz momz face when he says at age 11 “Mom, let’s do my room in 1930’s film noir)
Extreemly kool child–u haz one.
(I, on the other hand, refuse to have children because I carry within my heart an incontrovertible certainty that they would grow up to worship Britney-Spears-like popster clones, neoconservative politicians, and whatever scrofuluous, disease-ridden, vacant-brained celebutante comes of the next generation of Hiltons.)
Dey sez its bad lucks when Noir Cat crosses u… but I waz gonna make shure it was bad lucks fur him.
Ooh, dat wuz guuud! WIN 4 Torgen!
continental op-cat sez deh bigz man was a yegg
i likez yeggs on mai cheezburgers
Wotchin’ the detektivs,
Dont get kyoot–
Uh o, i alredy iz kyoot. Srybai.
Some day, Vinny, some day when you think you got away clean, you’ll look over your shoulder and I’ll be there.
lol love it
erm…
what can i say!
lmfao
xx
wai 2 bee teh perfektist interwebz site fer da lolz
i lovr this
dat is my kitty!
I like de black and afektz zey r sooo cool. My dad can do zat on his fone too.
LOLZ!Iz so amuzed. Wantz pictur sooo much. mes likez idea of noir kitteh