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Noir cat


noir-cat-doesnt-mind-a-reasonable-amount-of-trouble.jpg

…doesn’t mind a reasonable amount of trouble.

capped and submitted by: Daniel T.

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» 180 Comments

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  1. i phi says:

    reasonable human accepts that, but predicts darker times…

  2. paws4thot says:

    It wuz raynin in dah sitee ov angels, a hard rayne.

  3. Sidewinder says:

    I needs u to lokate sum pepole. They has stolen cheezburgers. I wants them bak.

  4. Bizkitmama says:

    I haz reezen to beleeve teh malteez falcon is wurth sumthingz.

  5. kitteh-doorman says:

    I can has Malteez Falcon?

  6. Carrie Bryan says:

    Ai m teh kitteh hoo walx bai hisself n all plaicez has aliek 2 mee. kthxbai

  7. Karen says:

    Or……

    reesistens iz footile…..
    Preepar to bee assimulated

  8. ozzy mandius says:

    A dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets, but on the 12th floor of the Acme Building, one kitteh is still trying to find the answers to life’s persistent questions…..Guy Noir, Private Eye.

    Ozzy lissens tu too muches Publik Radioz …

  9. Tina says:

    LOL!

    Film Noir cat…

    reflects on lifes futility with some measure of regret

  10. LuvBJones says:

    Iz jus Burger Town, Jake.

  11. brainfire says:

    noir cat understandz teh knead 4 cekricy. “don wurree kitteh. ur cekrit iz saef wid me. Shhsss…” *steps back into the shadows*

  12. chewly says:

    it wuz a lonlee nite, n i wuz werkin on my compooter wen i herd a nok at teh door. it wuz a calico dame bringin moar trubble den a litter of kittehs in a toilet paper truk. she lookd at me wif her big yellow eyebls n sed, “meow.”

    • orangekittehservant says:

      mmfto!!! WIN!!!!!

    • Thornius says:

      WIN!!!! DING,ding,ding,ding,dinnnnng!

    • Wilf_brim says:

      “i kan’t help u” i sed. 2 much 2 do. has blogs to be bloggin n compooter stuffs n waht not.

      “plz!” sed teh cailco dame. “i haz much trublez, mai bebbe haz been taken 4 ransome. needs helps. teh wants 5 tubs of teh katnip but no has! can pay u! in cheezburgers! in advance!”

      there. she sed it. teh cheezburgers. some kitteh must hav tol her. my weakness. kood walks away from teh money, teh skoch, teh power. even teh deep, pleedin blue eyz of teh caildo thats seems to promiz the plezures of heeven if i makes her happie. but i kan’t walks away from teh cheezburgers.

      “3 cheezburgers a day. plus ’spenses. in advance”

      • Duffy says:

        Wifowt anuthur wurd, she put the McBurgur kewpons on mah desk.

        “Okeh – les get startid. Yu got any idee hu mite hav sumthin aginst yu? Sumwun whu mite be innerested in getin yur taill in a twist?”

        She hezitated, wiskers twitchin. Her eers flikd nervusly at teh sownd of the AC in teh next room. “Well…I wuz thinkin…there wuz a nite last week when Mungo Jerry and I were owt behind O’Malley’s…”

        “Mungo Jerry?” I sez, “Whut wer yu doin wif him?”

        • Carrie Bryan says:

          As teh lubly calico essplaiend bout Mungo Jerry, ai reflekteded awn teh randsome o katsnipp.

          “Mus bee peeps,” ai interrrupteded. “Lotsa peepz bleev n katsnip. Day not grok cheezburgrz modrn currencie wid kittehs. Watt peeps u no?”

          “Peepz?” craid teh startailed dame. “His onnlie Doktr Strangelrv doan at teh labb. Ded e steel mai bebeh?! O noes!!1!”

          “Cann it, dame,” ai sayed. Deez daims alwaiz get skeered in advanz. “Aim tinkin.”

          • snafutti says:

            Tinkin–it com difficult wehn teh femm in teh rums. but I r serus cat, can b serus.

            I nowed Mungo Jerry frum wai back. Himz a big tom wif a chip on hiss sholdr lik a dbl order ob country fraiz… but not doo so much big stuff. Him breks teh hin legs for a muny, lean on gooshy fud shopes, run da numberz… small potetoes in tehs kitteh’s citteh.

            Teh peepul wuz anover story… an not wun wif an every after endin, eiver. Ai noe teht Peta uz brekin hedz ober illigul labz latey. it wuz in all teh papurz. sordid photoz of rezkud bunnehs in heaby ey liner, gogiez pulled frum undrgrown knnelz still hai on cawf suripz. Peepulz r nuthin butt trubl.

            Den the daim paips up,” Hey, whut?! U falled asleep nao?!!?”

            “No,” I sez, ” I tinkin bested wif mai eyez clozed.”

    • BonzoGal says:

      “moar trubble den a litter of kittehs in TP truk” iz perfikt.

    • brainfire says:

      owtstanding! i muches wantz 2 b reeding moar ov teh storee. u rite it nao. kthxbai

    • durtykitteh says:

      WIN!!!1!! I <3s Noir cat + commentz!

    • conscious cat says:

      Dis hole tred haz t3h much awsum!11!1!

    • U had me at “meow.”

  13. Beccamutt says:

    In Soviet Russia, Noir Cat is forced into shadows…

  14. Pittypat says:

    If that cheezburger be leefing teh plate an ur not sharing, ull regret it.
    Maybee not todai. Maybee not tamarrow, but soon an for teh rest of ur lyfe.

  15. Theresa says:

    Fred McMurray Cat is crazy about you, baby.

    • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

      I thinkz I haz smelled a troll. Too meny gud commentz with reely low burgerz!

      • Melissa says:

        Yeth. It’s funny we don’t get alot of trolls so we notices.
        Get back unner teh bwide troll!!!!

        • Pittypat says:

          heh heh, it be a nooleewed troll?

          • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

            oh, mai – snert, kittehlolz galore! Bring on the trolls if tehy can gerneate commentz as funnie as this!

        • Melissa says:

          oops bwidge bwidge…
          Man i can’t WAIT for this kidey stone to pass.
          The drugs are making me can not has typing.

          The sequel to the princees bride…TEH TROLL BWIDE!!!!
          billygoats were teh bwidal partee.

          • Pittypat says:

            yowz, u still be waitin? Poor bebbeh!

          • Lucy says:

            Youz gotz kidney stone? oh man! ouchy ouchy ouchy. Had 10 of dem when I was young (and palyed wif dinosours) Sooooooo much full of da ouch! Always pass at 4 Am on Sunday night just to make shur dat it be a BIG hassel. Very sorry you hav dat. Maybve dis be first and last? Iz thinkin my bestest thouts for youz.

          • B! says:

            U drynk cranberree joos nao, k? Leest U gots drugs fur da payns…. Hugs fur yoo, too. Dat help!

            • Lucy says:

              Dat vrrry tru. My grandma tell me dat n I thinz “wat do she know”? Den my doktor sae da sam ting. Works good! Drink plentee!

          • Melissa says:

            fankoo guize!!! yes it r takin FOREVAH!!!

          • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

            Dere Melissa, so sorry to heer u r still sufferin. I nebber had dat, but wun heerz awful tings abawt it. I do hope it weill soon be over. Still – “bwidge” was funnie, butt “bwide” was totally hilarious. Purrhapz ur subconscious wuz at werk!

          • teenie says:

            kidney stonez…dey is teh pleh, but teh drugz hav much win.
            I havd kidney stonez but onlee saw dokter fr drugz wun tyme. rest uv de tymez I havd dem, I drinkz cranberree joos wif vodka…joos iz fr kidneez, vodka iz fr brayn tu kwit finkin abowt how much OW en DO NOT WANT kidneez ar havin.
            me en kittehz sendin prayrz en stuf.

      • Teeter says:

        I read slow.Typz even slower Forgutz ta vote, hadda go back and vote. Naow EVERYBODY here got a vote good, bad or indifferntz! OK?
        ;-)
        Kthnxbai

        • Teeter says:

          Dis was supposed ta go in teh troll thread…surry. On the brite side I finally figured out how that ;-) got there.

          • Jeanie says:

            How DID that (i don’t know what it is so I can’t make one) get there? I see ‘em everywhere on ICHC, but can’t figure out what they are! Sumbuddy splain to dis noob plz. k thx bai.

  16. nana says:

    commentz guys is awsumz!!! so braineez!!! lurlz!

  17. sol says:

    Mystic keethie sayz: in tha reealeetee all iz woid

  18. Turkeyburger (no relation) says:

    Dere are 8 meelyun stories in teh city…sum of dem involve harblz…dis is wun of dem…

    • BonzoGal says:

      Teh lolcomment u has just red is troo. Turkeyburger’z naym has bin chanjed 2 protekt teh… um… “innosint” mite nawt fit heer…. ;)

      • snafutti says:

        lols and win!!! remeber it is turki brgrz (no relaishun) huz naym changed to protec inocent. I assum we protect them from TB(NR)?

    • Lucy says:

      AAHHH! Skunked again. Dis not my day! LOL. I consoul mysf wid de idea dat I r hangin wit odder great minds! (Iz tru actaully. not 2 sure bout da “odder part, but yuz is a hole herd of gate mindzez. luv you guys eb en when yuz getz to my onliest ideas quiker dan I can) I not da troll btw. If a funny are worth votin for, it r worth five burgfers me thinks.

      • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

        Odder tahn whut?, wun mite ask. I do think mindz must be sumwhut odd to enjoy this site as much we seem to do!

  19. Duffy says:

    Midnite Louie? Feh. Amachoor.

    • Patty says:

      U jus jelus u don’t liv in vintug hi-riz and eet fresh carp. Midnite Looie roks. An he’s from Texas. Well, his writer iz.

      • Duffy says:

        (Akshully I agreez. I haz all teh Midnite Looie buks. In hardcovur. Hez teh catz meow, an so is his hyoomin chik.)

        • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

          This be grate! I previously had nawt herd of Midnight Louie! Dunt kno how I missed him. I’se off to teh liberry!

    • Lucy says:

      Da bestest PRO b eazy rallins. Scary cold dude but lubs da kids and da kiddehs, Taks in boff off of da streets an maks hom for all. Tank youz Walter Mosley 4 good ol eazy

  20. Lucy says:

    Der are 8 million stories in the naked city. Noir kiiteh are telling one of dem.

  21. Ruins says:

    kannot smoke cigarett foar dramatik effekt – no opposibal thumms. :(

  22. Jack Deth says:

    Prybitt Iee Kitteh
    waytz bie t3h fone 4 a callz
    frum fyooturr klyunt

    “Itz wuz a kold nyte
    in t3h sittee bie t3h Bay.
    Kold, wetz an foggee”

    “A silloett poared
    akrawss t3h door. A daym in
    surch uv Cheezburgrz” :-)

    Jack.

  23. leaf says:

    Bu is not reasonable to keep fergetting to pay the electric bill!

  24. AngelKitty says:

    Cant pay eletrik bil, blowd all monies on chezbgrs, need rehab

    no, no, no

  25. stend says:

    of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine

  26. Duffy says:

    Then a guy came through the door with a gun.

    • Melissa says:

      I said “put that thing away before you kill us both!”

      “you stole my cheezburger and I want revenge!”
      “OK Louis ok. How ’bout I take you pot to Ted’s montana grill and we has a big bison burger. will that make it up to you?”
      “Well… I dunno…can I has onion rings too?”
      “Sure. Just put the gun away. Please.”

      *sigh*”OK. But if you ever EVER steals my burger again, there will be hell to pay.”

  27. Melissa says:

    Teh Maltese kitteh!!

  28. Lynxany says:

    I luf dis kittehs ‘

  29. Lynxany says:

    Poo :( It posted 4 I wuz dun :( But luf kittehs ’spression … him is activly _lookn_ for reeznable ‘mount of trubble!

  30. leaf says:

    imdb(dot)com

    search “The Maltese Falcon”,

    got script straight from the movie, and the first line is “I don’t mind a reasonable amount of trouble”

    Never did see…must go rent.

    • Turkeyburger (no relation) says:

      Bit ‘o trivia: The voice of Ren Hoek (of “Ren and Stimpy” fame) was inspired by Peter Lorre’s character in TMF. Ai bleev he ackshully utters teh classic lien: “You fat, bloated eeediot!”

    • RushnGreen says:

      Five-star movie. Classic, classic, classic. Unbelievable cast, script, cinematography. When u see it u will realize how much later movies stole from it (er… “paid homage”). Ummm… didz Ai menshuns Ai lyked itt?

      • BonzoGal says:

        I had a kitteh I yoozed to call “Gutman” after teh Sidnee Greenstreet karaktur- he was a chubbee kitteh wid a frowny fayce. I awaz thot hiz voyce wud sownd liek Sidnee’s…

  31. fluvial says:

    A dark night, in a city that knows how to keep it’s secrets. One cat is still trying to find his cheezburger.

    Noir cat.

  32. sillyannz says:

    Bewayr teh Fat Man, kitteh!

    But… but… himz has so mennee cheezburgers!

  33. Todd says:

    emokitteh is masked in shadow…and likes it like that.

    ( Queue Bauhaus’ Bella Lugosi Dead )

  34. LamontCranston says:

    my littermate! my kitten! my littermate! my kitten! SHE’S MY LITTERMATE AND MY KITTEN!

  35. Turkeyburger (no relation) says:

    Ai wuz in mai office on a Furday afternoon, when teh fone rang. I tried to picks up teh reseever, cursed mai lack of opposable thumbz, and hit teh speeker button. It wuz teh Lolrus.
    He began to tells me a tale…a tale of woe, misery, and lost bukkits. Oh, I’d heard teh saem storee a thousand tiems befoar–sum lolrus wuz happee with his bukkit, den he gots taken in by sum dame with a whistle and a flashy wetsuit, and offerings of feeshes…mmmm, feeeshes nom nom nom…wait, whut? Where wuz Ai? Oh, rites. Den, jus’ liek dat, teh Dame is gone and with her goes teh feeshes and his bukkit.
    Dis lolrus tells meh he jus’ wants his bukkit back, but Ai suspeckt it is moar den dat. Mai catgut feelings tellz me he wants revenj, and he even hinted dat he has ninjas, and wuz not afrayed to uses dem.
    He tolded meh dat he thot he saw dis Dame teachin dat whale Shamooz sum new mooves, no dowt to gets her hands on HIS bukkit–which wuz probably bigger dan teh lolrus’s’s.
    At leest dat wud give meh a playse to start. Ai started to walk over to teh Lolrus’ place. I wud have liekd to drives, but at teh advise of mai Legal Profeshunal, Ai shud nawt works teh peddals…

  36. Nika says:

    Hallo. I beleev yu haf sumting of mai client’s–HIS BUKKIT.

  37. Kell says:

    Um, I new Ceezburgerite. Cans someone explainz joke to me?

    • D Marie says:

      I will explain how to gain understanding…..In the sidebar you will see a list of TAGS, there is a more complete list of Tags at the bottom of the page. When you know you have missed something, find the tag that most closely matches your quest. In this case, you need to click 2 different tags. Start with Lolrus, and then do bucket. After viewing the images that come to you, come back and read this thread again, and it will make more sense.

      Hopefully, because this is ICHC, after all, and sometimes we just don’t make sense.

      The Refrense Lolbrarian *points way to refrense section*

      • JanetCanHas4Kittehz says:

        May I add? I speak English (tho u apparentleh undertandes teh LOLcat). There are now HUNDREDs of references being used that refer back not only to the previous pictures, but also to previous threads and comments. It will ALWAYS be funny to read what is here now, but if you really want to understand everything, you will simply have to go back and look at the previous pictures and comments. Best, I think, simply to start with the pictures – that would go fairly quickly. But eventually you will need to read the comments. That will take a LOT of time, but I think you would find it highly rewarding. Lots of REALLY funny stuff has gone on before. Also – the earlier pictures did not have nearly as many comments as they do now, so you will at least get off to a faster start. They, of course, also did not have so many references – because there was nothing to refer to.

        For example, if someone refers to “Bunway Airline,” you simply have to have seen the picture. After which you will fall on the floor and roll around laughing! It’s sort of like reading a novleist who writes with continuing characters. Of course, you can read each individual book as a stand alone and enjoy it. But in order to understand ALL the references, you have to start with the first book and read them all.

        But also feel free to ask – this is a VERY friendly and nice group of people and almost certainly someone will explain it to you. I still don’t get everything by a long shot – so don’t feel like the lone stranger!

        And welcome. All people of good will and good humor are welcome here.

  38. profkrakatoa says:

    I needz a poster of this one! My son’s bedrum is done in Noir….all black white grey and old movie posters. Kitteh would be purrfect aksesory

    (U shood have seen hiz momz face when he says at age 11 “Mom, let’s do my room in 1930’s film noir)

    • Gladys says:

      Extreemly kool child–u haz one.

      (I, on the other hand, refuse to have children because I carry within my heart an incontrovertible certainty that they would grow up to worship Britney-Spears-like popster clones, neoconservative politicians, and whatever scrofuluous, disease-ridden, vacant-brained celebutante comes of the next generation of Hiltons.)

  39. Torgen says:

    Dey sez its bad lucks when Noir Cat crosses u… but I waz gonna make shure it was bad lucks fur him.

  40. homescribe says:

    continental op-cat sez deh bigz man was a yegg

  41. D.R. says:

    Wotchin’ the detektivs,

    Dont get kyoot–

    Uh o, i alredy iz kyoot. Srybai.

  42. Mount says:

    Some day, Vinny, some day when you think you got away clean, you’ll look over your shoulder and I’ll be there.

  43. me says:

    lol love it

  44. becksiie says:

    erm…
    what can i say!
    lmfao
    xx

  45. jezee says:

    wai 2 bee teh perfektist interwebz site fer da lolz

  46. Sabrina says:

    dat is my kitty!

  47. Jeanienienie says:

    I like de black and afektz zey r sooo cool. My dad can do zat on his fone too.

  48. prittykitty says:

    LOLZ!Iz so amuzed. Wantz pictur sooo much. mes likez idea of noir kitteh


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