« Previous TEH CLONING MACHINE | DEM CHEESES MOVED Next »
» 125 Comments
Hey, what's with all the misspelled words?
» Learn Lolspeak — teh furst language born of teh intertubes.
-
Who be Talkin'
annipuss on Video: Kitteh Answers the… PoussinBoi on Video: Kitteh Answers the… BAReFOOt on Video: Kitteh Answers the… PoussinBoi on Video: Kitteh Answers the… PoussinBoi on Video: Kitteh Answers the… Grantski on Video: Kitteh Answers the… Grantski on Video: Kitteh Answers the… miniminsmum on Video: Kitteh Answers the… miniminsmum on Video: Kitteh Answers the… Grantski on Video: Kitteh Answers the… upfi on Video: Kitteh Answers the… Grantski on Video: Kitteh Answers the… miniminsmum on Video: Kitteh Answers the… Bethany on Video: Kitteh Answers the… Grantski on Video: Kitteh Answers the… 
Cheezburger Network Blog
<3
Once upon a taiym
Der was two kitteh called Hansul & Grettlez
and they wuz in the woods,
and they founded a hawse made owt of cheezburger
“I dunno bout this” said Hansul. “Mebbe a traps.”
“Srsly? Ur out ov ur minds,” said Grettlez. “Dis is teh nomertuniteh ov us lifetimes.”
“K” said Hansul.
And they both nommed happili ever afters.
Or maibe there were a krazy old wummin,
and maibe they lefted a trail of cheezburger crumbs.
Or not.
Ah furgets.
It’s late.
Nite nite.
Kthxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……..
nomertuniteh! I had a nomertuniteh, but I eated it.
“nomertuniteh” Wun of teh best lolcat werdz EVER!!!
FTW ! ! ! !
Purhaps it should be “nomertun_a_teh”?
Wai yes, I believe ur rite.
Are it a nomertunatee if you don’t eated it?
“nomertuniteh” FTW!!!1!!!!!
Best bedtimes storee ever.
best. bedtiem. storrah. evvvvvrrrr!
Hansul? Hansul? Han-sul? Hansul?…
Much winz fr u.
Bugs Bunny ref FTW!
WIN!
wen nomertunith nocks, u nocks it flat wen u krash thru teh door
Suooper dubble-plus extry-strength WIN!
Mark joo has mausch WIN n AWESUM – yer storee so gud n funnee! ^^
LOL omfg
Gold starz an twenny cheezburgurs for dis storeh!!!
Ellem A Yo!!!
Howzabout i givs u menny snorgles, and u can purr to me abowt yur bizzy day, and i wil pet yu and snorgle yu until yu fawl aslepe…
and goldilocks said “this cheeseburger is just right” :: NOM NOM NOM
I luvs that storee.
AWL cheezburgrz is just rite! NOMNOMNOM
Dat why goldikitteh eeted dem awl!!! Nawt jus bebe cheezburger!
An when teh Tree Bearz commed home, they lukd around an sed, “Dang. Cheezburgurs gone. Itz porrij for dinner agin.”
Porrij…pleh!
Mebbe dey wented nex doar insted an stealed teh udder kitteh’s cheez?
I can has plushee lolrus?
Awwwww … AJ, dat juss kills meh wiff kewt!!
Wif li’l skatl saiyzd bukkit sew he b hapee?
Awwww!! Dis is how Ai wanna b tukked in!!
U fink mah kittehs will reed 2 meh?
(Dis picshure maykes meh very contentsation!!)
Please to be reading The Cat In The Hat
Wun feesh, 2 feesh
Redd feesh, bloo feesh!
(All dis talks aowt feesh maykes it hard fur kitteh 2 sleep!!)
I likes this kitteh in a bed
I likes this kitten on a sled
I likes this kitteh here or there
I likes this kitteh anywhere!
i likes teh cheezburger in teh house
i likes teh cheezburger wiff a mows
dat cat doos needs a storree. an a midnyte cheezburger snak. is so cute.
One bukket, Two bukkets
Red bukket, Blue bukket…
i used to read the cat in the hat to the kids in my host fumbly in the states.
all i can remember is “fuzzy fur feet”, *g*, somehow, I really liked that line.
An c teh kute lil fuzzy fur feet stikin out in teh picher! Awwww…..
O mai poore hart, dis fulls me wif so much wuvs it hurts. I will rede u enny storee you wants….
plz git me mah warm milks & nite lite kthxbai
**OT** but i wanted to share
I’m in Italy at the moment, and my Italian phrasebook has the following sentence in it:
Avete un secchio in plastica?
which translates:
Do you have a plastic bucket?
written by a lolrus perhaps?!?!?
In Italy, and words are italicized! Jealousy bug nip me, waaah.
Cat looks indignantly…i’m trying to sleep, could you sniffle somewhere else?
Hmph.
SO JEALOUS
where are you? are you in florence?
I’m in Milan at the moment while my husband (aka SugerDaddy) attends a conference. When it is over we’re going to drive to Venice. Not going to Florence or Rome.
Maybe in my next life. I’m pretty lucky to get to do this!
Just remember to leave the car outside Venice.
R arriveded in Venyss. Streatz R fludded. Plz advze, Tkx.
Robert Benchley FTW!!!
I don’t have my dictionary of quotations with me, but I’m pretty sure that one pre-dates Benchley.
I tinkz moast of us wud lieks to be dere with u! We can has Venice? Have a most wunnerful tiem!
Soooo much to see and do. How much tiem duz u hav?
venice is FULL of stray cats, lounging and eating dirty pigeons (or was when I was there, 20 yrs ago) – take lots of film ;o)
(especially since it’s, you know, sinking)
Naples – Cats EVERYWHERE. Even a sanctuary for strays. It was REALLY wonderful.
Rome, too – lots of Italian kittehs
wot iz tihs “film” uv wich u speek?
I know, right? ;o)
So menny wunnerful komments! Thx!!!
One or 2 days in Venice. I hope I see cats! but you know they must hate it there with all the water.
What you really need is an Italian-LOLspeak phrasebook that includes “I can has plastic bukket? Kthksbai!”
Oooooh – Ronniecat – u can has italics, too! How u duz taht? Iz sekrret, wich, if reveeleded, we awl cud do, or iz sumthing in ur pyooter sum of us may not hav?
Is dun bai yoozin 2 e-z HTMLs. B4 wurd or fraze u wantz to italicize, u puts teh lil pointy-2-teh-left symbol dat’s abuv teh comma on ur keebord, den teh letter i (for “italicize”), den teh pointy-2-teh-rite symbol dat’s abuv teh period. Den after teh wurd or fraze, u puts teh exact saym ting EXCEPT before teh i, u put in teh right-leening-slash symbol dat’s abuv teh kweschun mark on ur keebord.
Same fing to bold wurds or frazes, just substitoot a b for teh i.
You gibs good instruckshuns BonzoGal, i will just add kind of illustrashun: it wood look sumfin like dis:
(i) words u wants to be in italiks (/i)
exsept you would use pointy brackets, not round brackets. K? bai!
Zacklee! USe da greater-dan an less-dan guyz et voila!
EUREKA! i gots it!
I think so…lessee
Ok, if I gots the lesson down pat: Mucho gracias!, thanx, lovely lovely peeps
If it don’t work, I grab kitteh’s towel blanky and put it on my head in shame.
Here we go, here we go
Wil b veree yoozful f wi evur haz a pikshur uv lolrus n frunt uv Towur uv Peeza r Koluseeyum r sumfin elz apropreeyet.
Wif the lolrus lookin like he holdin up the tower.
Somday somwun tak a piksher of all Japaneses toorists on teh Campo lookin lik dey holdin up the tower, witout teh tower.
in soviet russia, tower of pisa holds up japanese tourists !!!
LOL! If ah see ennie lolruses ah’ll be shoor to get der picture.
Now, why would a tourist in Italy want a plastic bucket? Unless, of course, he was spying for the lolrus. . .
(I’m jealous too)
Oh, Kitteh, I will reed to u uv dah kitteh dat visteded dah queen, ok? Den u can reed to me of dah scarletkitty who culd nawt slepe an wuz still up at 2 A.M. luking at cute pics of kits.
Den we bof sleeps, k?
mebeh we shud rite storie foar kitteh togefur?
i will startz, othar lolfrenz, plz continue.
once upon a tiem, der wuz a kitteh, dat wuz wary poor and wary hungry.
himz wuz sitting undarneaf a shady tree in a park. teh sun wuz shinin thru teh leavez of teh tree and tickling kittehz nose.
kitteh was finking: “
Iz dis shadee tree in a park in Italee? Cuz then he cud be sittn an wundring, “Dove posso trovare un secchio in plastico?”
Eccellente! (hmmm, Eetalliyan luk kinda lyk kitteh-speak)
“MayB dis b cheezburger tree. Ai wayts til 1 falls.” But humgry n tyred kitteh waz wayting a lawng tym. Den himz saw sum bebeh hyoomins playing neerby n himz finks “
Hmmmmmm, teh hyoomins awl wayz be feedin der behbehs. Purrhaps Ah can get me sum nom nom. Ah’ll kreep ober der awl stelthee-lyk.
And teh kitteh kreept over to where teh hyoomins was and then he workt very very hard puttin on his KYOOTEST FASE and when he felt like maybe hyoomins would nearly die with his kyoot, he popped up from teh grass and said “MEOW”! And the baby hyoomin sed:
O! whut a wonnerful kitteh! Wee mus tak him hom, an luv him, and squez him, an feed him lotz of chezburgers, and call him George. And the kitteh, altho hims name was rilly ‘Bustopher’ sed ‘WTF, they gav me chezburgers, they can call me whut they want’, and then . . .
Teh babee hyoomin tried to pik teh kitteh up by his middul an teh kitteh sed “oof, this bebeh needs sum educashimun” an wigguld down, and went ovur to teh daddeh hyoomin an twined aroun his legs, an teh daddeh hyoomin sed,
“we’ll tayk himz home n lurbs himz n squeez hims n gibs himz lots ob cheezburgers and call him Bustopher!” n teh kitteh sed “Cul, dey gonna call me bai mah rite name N gibs me cheezburgers. Ai tinks ai mites lyks to lib wid dem.” N dey wents home n libed happily eber apter!
This would be the PC, reliable, uncomplicated ending. Additional endings will be accepted.
…Teh daddeh hyoomin sed, “Babee, wut if therz MOAR kittehs hidin inna park? We shud take cheezburger bait an c if moar kittehs need a 4eveh home wif snorglin.” Sozey wen back 2 da park an scooped up all lost kittehs an lurbs tehm an squeezes tehm an gives em cheezburgers an proper kitteh names. Now is MUCH happilier eber afder!
Ah bootiful day, i will be thankful for such lovely weather.
Whereupon he spied a lovely sparrow, twittering in utter gladness, and his
heart sang out in fellowship,
But hey he thot a cat’s gotta eat
So he loped over, reached out a stringy paw, and tipped over the bag with the leftover Mickey D c-burger, and ate it.
Sucker!
your dish towels…. let me show you them
i r hidin mah mornin wewd.
U better hide it, ceiling cat is watching U!
Win!!!1!!one!!
Taht iz too kittehs gunna do teh “Slaice teh kitteh in haf” majik trik.
“The fog crept in on little cat feet”
–Danks u, Momee, dis de bes pome evr!
… mommy, fog is standing on my foot AGAIN !!!
Mommee, tell me bowt Dik Wittingtun’s cat agen. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez?
Teh kittehs wer all nessled all snorgled n der bedz
wit vishunz ov cheezburgerz dancin n der hedz
onct upon a timez, dere waz a blue bukket …
“Look, Dick!” Said Jane. “Look and see!”
“See, See teh lolrus!”
Dick sees teh lolrus.
Teh lolrus has a bukket.
Teh bukket is blue.
Uh oh, dis storee izzn’t gunna end gud, I just noes it…
I like the towel/blankie.
It even has a kitteh on it.
And kitteh’s sweet widdle face?
BA BOOM *splort*
Dat iz mos comfies piksher evar.
Kleen up, eye-yull 5!
momee, i wants a glass of wadder
momeee, tere’s a monster unner mah bed
momee, ar u sure tere’s not a monster unner mah bed?
momee, i tink teh monser went to teh closet
momee, cn I has anotter glas ob wadder?
momee, i drankt too much wadder, i gotz tu go tu baffroom nao!
pleez to chek fur monsters in baffroom four me?
Kin I has a cookie 2 go wid watter? Iz 4 teh monster.
I want kitchen wadder, dis is bafroom wadder!
Kin U tuck mez in agin?
Kin U leev da hall lite on?
Kin I hav sum moar wadder?
Id iz at dis potny dat mawmee startz wundurin wen kitteh wil b owld enuff tu muv owt.
(Kidin, uv kors. Kittehz livz wif u furevur!)
No u cant hvz mor wAader. if u azk again I’z cumin to spanx u.
When u comz 2 spankz me, can u bringz sum wadder?
I can not think of a better caption for this. This is TEH WINZ!
Strypee Kitteh iz
reddee 4 bedz. Wuntz 2 heerz
a bedtyme storree
“Wunse upawn a tyme
dere wuz a Prinsiss Kitteh
hoo lubbd Cheezburgrz
“But a Draggunn stoldz
awlll t3h Cheezburgrz an hidz
dem in himz beeg kayv
“Prinsiss Kitteh can
haz Spesshul Majjik Reeng frum
Fairee Gawdmuther…”
Jack.
salica doola menccy caboola
bippity boppity boo
putem togedder and wad do you got?
Yoo gotz Speshul Majjik Reeng dat mekz Hansum Prinse Kitteh appear, an’ he findz dragonz cayve wid awl da cheezburgers inside. So Prinze Kitteh takez hims soard an’ sez to dragon, “Givs mee da cheezburgers so I ken giv dem bak to mai Prinsiss.”
Dragon luks at Kitteh Prinse an’ sez, “I givs dem bak jus’ az soon az I’z dun flame broylin dem… u don’t wantz to bee eetin’ dem rawz, duz you?”
So Prinse Kitteh put away soard and instead himz take dragon and cheezburgers bak to Kat-sal and dragon be cook for Royal Kitteh fambly. Prinse Kitteh marreez Prinsiss Kitteh an’ dey awls lib happlee eber after – eben da dragon.
Can ai borree dragon to cooks mai din-din?? lubs teh flame broiled fuds!
End of storee wasb werf awl teh efffert use puts in to its, Summer! nyce bedtym storree fur ktteh & meh!
test
Do not worry….you included some word in your post that the filter didn’t like, so it is in limbo right now. In an hour or so it will miraculously show up.
Or not, the comment monster gits hungry, sometimes.
If it doesn’t show up, save it, there will be another chance. Honest.
I gave you 5 burgers for effort, though.
Hmmm. No words in myne dat not in udders, I tink. I mus bee missing sumtin. Weerd. But cheezburgerz much appresheeyated. Nom nom nom. Now I feelz better. Thank you!
Is heer now. I gibd it 5 cheezbrgrz: dzrvz moar, but cn onlee vote 1ce.
So then teh klever kitteh sed to teh ogur, “well can yu becum sumthing teeny liek a mowse?”
(heh-heh-heh)
An teh ogur laffed and chanjed into – what?
(A MOWSE!)
An whud did Pussinbootz do then?
(NOMMED HIM ALL UP!)
That’s right.
(I bet he tastid pleh.)
Probablee…
Wai Puzinbootz naw azk ogur tu bekum cheezburgr or sum udder kaiynd uv nombleez?
Purrhaps him preefurz mowsie.
Or wntd 2 play wit himz fude?
Wish stoary u wunt, kitteh? Peter Rabit, Skwerl Nutkin, oar Jemima Pudl-Duk? Oar mebbe Tom Kitn?
testing… is reply working?
Heer’s a bedtime storee 4 u, kittehkat. U will not git lonly at 4 am an decidez to wakes me bye jumpin on teh table, wackin teh lamp n makin lowd meowz!! If u lern dat, u won’t haz 2 sleepz in de bazement. bye ursef. Hah!
testing… can I post?
‘Nudder test post.
I can has poast wif moar den two linez?
We findz owt.
Waaahhhh!!! Wai iz it ai can post ennything exsept da storee ai made up??? ICHC won’t let meee… it just nebber showz da post aftur ai makez it.
*cries*
Pleh.
Pleh. Ai trai heer. It spozed to go wiv Jack’s storee, tho.
Hi, Summer:
I had a grayt beeg Bedtyme Storree Post (abowt 9 stanza uv Haiku) dat woodn’t tayks for abowt 5 tryz throo owt t3h day.
Finully juss postd t3h furst 4 stanzaz 2 seez if it wood wurk.
Ur last 5 test posts and commentz mayd it.
Jack.
Mine iz 85 wordz, 486 karakturz, so not real long. I’z tried eben just da first two sentensez, and eben day notz go throo. It wuz spozed to bee continuayshun of yor Majjik Ring idea…
I do see mai test posts an stuff, tho.
It finally poasted! Yayz!
(Thanks, everyone, for putting up with me!)
U wanna com back??
Mi uder bbysittr, she let me stay up til 10.
[...] iz it bed tiem storee nao? [...]
kk ai gives u a bedtaime storeh.
Wunce upon a taime thar wuz a litle…no…big kitteh naymed Happycat. Nao, Happycat wuz hungary. Zo, hungary Happy cat sed, ‘I can has Cheezburger?”
an zo it ahl began.
teh end