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Cheezburger Network Blog
Turn that frown upside down.
*turns kitteh other way up*
Ohs U noes it
Dis beebe iz a keepr !!!
Such a sweet faic
Oh kitteh nobody be frowin you out! You far too kyoot!!!1!!
Tell ur daddy to put you down though, u looks skeerd. Dun worry, he nawt drop u.
ur daddy iz wacky on moonshine
ahi be frowing dat kitteh !!!
ahiz frowz dat kyoot bebee in mai bag
and runz lyke a mad russian awt de house and down de drive wai to make mi escape wit mai noo frez
makin manee laffs awl de wai hm
oh kitteh, i no trows u owt, i jest holds u up to figger owt wut color to paynt teh libbin rume fer to match u bedder!
Mebbe bloo to match yer ize…
As u can has c we can has paynted teh libbin rume a nyce lite gray #21 stryped at a 35º angull alltoornaytin wit a eggshel wyte #45 n lite mocha brown #59 usin a #2 ostirch fethr brissl brush. I purrsonly hanpik teh ostirch fethrs frum a farmer n Kenya dat my great-unkle Fred used ter takez me 2 when I wuz a child. Dese colorz reminz me of mah 1st kitteh I gots for mah 5th birfday wile n France wit mah granny hoo noo a gud winemakr.
LOL, WIN!!!!
Doulbe WinZ!!1!
Teeter say diz be’be’ (dat be french fo baby) iz soooooo cutz she jus wants snorglessnorglessnorgles dat be’be”‘ ketteh!
Now Teet she be wantin her hoomin paint ta walls to match teh Teet…. Maramalde (Orunge, redz, tec.,) an white…Idonz kno bout dat. Whatz U think Peeps?
Mabe tis hairless monkey better start readin the burger mail for Teh Teet wakes up in teh morninz.
. I thinks we need Patrick cum an makez decorashun suggestshuns. HALP!
Dun furrgit teh wite paynt s tomach teh fase, mitttinx & butes!
An allwais git karpit culur to mach teh kitteh fude.
Gud ideer, Kim- I has a rug in mai libbin rume dat has big red splotch frum kitteh sayin, “Nyce bran-noo rug u has heer! But it missin sumthing- hmm, wayt, I noes!” (BARF!)
ROFL
I gave my kittehs sum treetz spozd 2 b gud for teef. Dey waz green. Beeg mestake! Green barf hard to kleen!
LOL!! Ai m shur itz iz!!! Less u hab puke green karpit!
Ooooh, I do! An several ironic 70s sofas to go wif! Seereuslee, cat barf will onlee improove ma carpit here. House bilt in 73, all upgraydes installed, den, nuffin dun. Same carpit, same furrnitchoor, same layout. Much pleh, but hubby won let me change it unless hiz dad gives permishun. (I know hiz dad won mind whut I do!) Sigh.
My carpit in ma aparkment ackchoolee DID match Willem’s foot long felt hotdogs. NOT so grayt, dey blendid in too good! Yuck!
Foot long! Ay carramba!
Myz hoomin been inz ta aminalz reskuses for 15 yearz. She sayz: U may not believe this, but peeps aktually dus try to adopt aminalz to matchez their decorz.
Hmmm…Iz a kitteh wit a head for teh buzzness. Maybez we cud sell more carpetz and more of teh payntz if we makez teh colors same as ta cat food colors. My hoomin once had teh white couches. N morez. It be Nutro Max Brown and Mamalde orunges…axtually it be a couchez of many colurs, I jes cant rememberd all of whut it all wuz.
Where dat avatar cumz from. Itz not be mine??????? I no steel teh Avatar Peeps!!!
Guess teh site be bein wonky again…or maybe…theres… a boogyman in my puter or …maybe it be in chzburgers or…urs….
Sorry Shaungrl,
great minds think alike. I go now.
Kthxby
I tink carpet makers otta make teh carpet to match, say- Iamz, Sienz Deit, Newtro and so on. Den teh puke is colorz coridated.
But I did get to choose carpet in my apt and I chose the grey…Aussie blue merle colored. LOL
Heh, I give up tryin ta fine Aussie black tri carpet wif gray kitteh, marmlayd kitteh, buuterscotch kitteh, torti kitteh, gray kitteh an blue creem kitteh axcents.
Hardwud flowrs for teh win!
No mattur whut culur carpit yu get, itz gonna BE gray, marmalaid, torti, blak, baije, et cetura…
purr-slidin kittehs fur teh win shirley?
i secund hardwud flowrs!
YES! Den Swiffer cumz an rescyoos us awl!!! FTW!
I lurves mai swiffer!
O hai, I haz hardwud…karpit is much pleh tu my azma…kittehfur eezy tu sweep off wud!
Carpet is much PLETH for teh kittehs to. It be very germy and smelly!
Teh homestores have a vynal that looks just like wood, in case you can’t afford the real thing. U can bleach the beejees out of it too and it doesn’t hurt it. It’s a good choice for homes with multiple animals. Then you don’t have to take the cat to the Home Depot to be matched! Stend is A WIN WIN With much Laugh (see below)
How does the Swiffer work with multiple animals and much hair? Anyone know?
I dun yuze swiffer…I gotz a bruum en a vakuum.
I can haz Pergo?
I’m getting a good laugh over here, imagining all of you walking into lowe’s or home despot and using their sample scanner technology to match paint colors for all of the above
(hands kitten to paint counter clerk) : “here, could you scan fluffy’s head and butt for me, and mix me a gallon of each so I can test them in the living room? oh, and while you’re at it, give me a gallon in the same color as this kitty barf sample – I’m thinking of using that for the bedroom…”
ROFL!!
“Also, duz u has a colur cawled ‘Amerrycan Cheez’? I woak up dis mornin finkin I’d luv to has mah kichen brite brite oranj.” (Teh kitteh-in-hand gibs an ebil chuckle, finkin his sublim… soblimmy… sleepytiem whispurrins iz werkin.)
LOLZ sublemenemal messages FTW!!1!
LOL!!!11!!! Stend – u gots mind dat werkz in innerestng wayz!!!
my favorite paint story is when an interventional radiologist pal of mine painted his bedroom that hospital green, because he always thought it was pleasant I guess – I was like:
“you know why they make operating rooms and scrubs that particular tint of green don’t you?”
“no, why?”
“it’s the reverse of the color of blood (dark red VS light green), so if you get a drop of blood on it, the fact that red/green are processed by the same cones in your eyes makes the edge of the blood spot fluoresce as your eye tries to process the information, so blood splatter in the OR is easy to find and clean”
“great. did you have to tell me that?”
“well, just don’t murder anyone in your bedroom, that’s all”
“Interventional radiologist”? He…x-rays…alcoholics?
Stend siemz to haz a waide vareyitee ov frenz wif MOAST unushuul okupayshunz!
Several years ago while undergoing minor surgery, the last thing I remember saying before going under was “Man, you guys really need to paint the ceiling in here.” I remember it was a drop ceiling painted dark pleh green. It had all these dings in it that showed up as white gouges. Looked liek crap.
Mai bes’ paynt storee iz wen teh landlaydee desaided tu paynt teh owtsyde ov teh howss grene, but she waz (littur… litrl… aktuly) cullerblynd! So, yu kno how at teh paynt stor, dey keep da cullers dat dey micks but peepl dun want, den sel dem cheeper? Wel, owr landlaydee baught ALL teh rejeck grenes, SORTA micksed dem but not vury wel, and we ended up with teh CAMOFLAWJ HOWSS. Was not so gret, aktuly.
Iz funneee storee, but shirley onlee dah menz iz cullurblynd?
moas culllrblayynd folx is menz but a fiew r wimmin. wonna mai bez womman frenz caint tel green frm bleiw 2 saf hr laief.
I iz one of teh fiew wimmin. My momma’s father is cullrblyind, and my dad iz, too. Dey say one in evry 100 of cullrblyind is wimmin. Eye haz same gender oryeintashun, too, so mebbe it a testosterone thing…
Why do they paint school walls that same color?
Useta werk at a playce dat had a reeely gifted graffic artist. He could make awesum lookin flyers an ads…but sumtymes the colurz waz all weerd. Finully sumbudee filled me in dat as talented as he iz, he iz colurblynd. Furst an onliest colurblynd artist I ever knowed.
y’know – I dunno. school shootings?
I so did not say that
…Waet, heer I’ll get u a fresh sampul “PLEH”
Dis be teh mos off-teh-map diskushn evr! I ackshuly had to go back to top 2 rember whut teh orijnil picshur was. Luv Stend’s vizhun of taekin kitteh to lowe’s paint kowntr . . .
I takes u kitteh. U be happy wif me.
*BOOM*
I froes u out kause youse sitting in mai cereal bowl.
U tenkin bout makez a kitteh mobeel? Do Not Want!
If I froes u agenst teh refrigimator, dis be telling meh if u ar reddy?
Kitteh al dente!
(I keed, I keed…)
U be gibben ta crazees ideas to. Dis be strange wurld now. But waz funny. I giggled. I thawght I was onlee wun tested pasta that way. I not keed!
Pasta iz al dente if u froes it agenst teh refrigmator – and it stix, I suppaw?. I din knoe dat. I haz anodder knowledj. Thankz!
Pasta is done when U frows it an it sticks to teh wall or teh fridge or teh windows or to teh kichen cabinets or teh ceiling…..floor doan count, kitteh doan count.
Dat no necessarilee mean al dente but it dus mean al dunay.’
Oh – also? onlee frows 1 peese. Dont frow teh whol pan ful.
Jus thot Id menshun it. kthxbai.
An also…..pleeze to be kleenin up teh messes yu r makin wif teh pasta yu is frowin aroun !!!
Behold! I has a kitten!
Iz it teh Holee Kitn uv Anteeock?
Only frow it on da count of 3. Not 4, neither shall it be 2. 5 is right out. On second thought donut frow kitteh, it too kyoot. kthx.
Mebbe thro kitteh at killer rabbit??? Nooooo. Let Kitteh curl up in boxx wh3re deh Holee Hand Grennade waz.
kthxbai
Haz U seed rezlt ov kitteh vs rabbit fite? Much WIN!!!1! fur kitteh! Dehn Kittn comz bak an sleepz in baux fur holee hangrenade.
An da peepull did sellabrayt wif brekis cerealz, an froot bats, an cheezburgers!
is its yung Kiara?
Is a +3 chanted kitteh of powah?
is teh holee simbol of kittehology. teh cleric iz casting ‘turn rotted cheezburgers.’ (into reglr cheezburgers, o/c)
Hi levl clerics can turn rotted cheezbrgrz intah cheezbayconbrgrz, cheezmushyroombrgrs, chillycheezbrgrs…
Win. ♥
It’s dangerous to go alone. Here, take this.
I not like playin airplane put bebe kitteh down!
I lieks it heer, can I stays?
I lieks it heer, can I stays?
And does u has a monee
Foar a cheezburger?
–Morrissey-kitteh
plz plz plz let me gitz whut I wawntz…….
“HALF A KITTEH”
“call mee morbid, call mee pale,
ai spent 2 long on ur trail
far 2 long
chayseeng ur tail
oh …”
naow DIS iz a gothkitteh!!!
Much win.
I swoon.
OMG…mai hed *splort* splodes frum teh overwhem uv kwetness!! teh blu eyz, teh spikee furz, teh pink pawz…iz tu muches gudness 4 teh whirld…*boom* kthxbai
Wut? U puttin meh in tyme-owt? Whaffo? I iz bein framed!!! Call CNN, Fox an teh non-ecksistent Attornee Jenerul!!!
non-exksistent Attornee Jenerul…phunee wun…muches lieks! WIN!1!
Do not kall teh formar AG! Kitteh no need waterboreding, warrantless wiretapping or politiclee motivated fyrings. Kitteh can be new AG, will restore teh kompleetely shattered trust in DoJ.
DOJ cud giv snorkles to teh peeps.
phunny taht it wud probly taek a kitteh as AG to UN-shred teh Konstatewshun
Notz so phunny. Kittehz r uniterz – nawt deevyderz! See hau wee awl gatherz heer togteher to warsheep at teh liddl pawz ov tehze gawd-liek creechurz,
kitnz is best foarm of torchur:
“telz us whut we wants to know or we wil giev u a kitn so ridikulusly kyoot, ur hed wil most sertinly splode”…oanlee teh comfy chayr is moar insideeyus
Monty Python refrnze. WIN!!!! I lubs MP……soooo much alot.
‘most muches as kittehs! ahhhh I telll lyes, I lub kittehz more dan eberythin
FTW!
Kitteh ROOLZ az noo AG!
Pluz kitteh much kewt mor den all deh Attornee Jeneruls Iz seenz!
Eben Bobbee? He kyoot in a ded-guy, retro hayrcut kinda way!!
I luks foarwerd 2 confurmashun heerings. . .
Senatur: Now, Mr. –er– Kitten. Would you please tell us about your qualifications for this office?
AG Kitteh Nominee: Does u givs me a monee foar werkings?
Senatur: Er, why, yes. The salary is $183, 000.
Kitteh: Hao menny cheezburgers is dat?
Moar, Divageek, Moar!!! I wantz to hear moar ov dis confurmashun heerings. U has given uz juzt a teezer – kiek on teh TV news!
Senatur: Would politics play a role in hirings and firings of US Attorneys if you become Attorney General?
Kitteh: Whut are politiks? Do it has a flavur?
Kitteh: Dis cat fud taste funneh. Is sawft on owtsiide but bery crunchee in middul.
Senatur (holding ears); That’s your microphone, Mr. Kitten!
Kitteh: PTOOEY! PLEH!
stop it divageek…my jinnan tonix iz now awl ovr de monniter!
divageek FTW!!!!1!!!
Divageek, yu too funnee!!! Mor! Mor!!
Mr Kitten, we have some serious questions about your qualifications and competency… but you are a thousand times better than (withdrawn Supreme Court nominee) Harriet Miers.
C’mon. Ize more kwallified dahn Mz Miers, an I iz neider a leegull profeshunil nor a Merrycan cittyzun!
leegul profeshunal? Harriet Miers… caretroll… follow teh muneez… OMG I see teh konspeerasee! I iz in an ollie stone movee HALP!
Ummm, poly=mennee, ticks=small bitey bugz
politicks= DO NOT WANT!!!!
Kitteh noes beder dan to get involvd wif manee blud sucking tings!!!
I can has Fruntlien befoar ma confirmashun?
I alwayz new I dinna like poly-ticks fur sum reesun!! Nao I no why!
Whoo! I hoap de job comes wif lyfetime supplie of Advantij then!
uh-oh, dey r lukin at me agin, dey allus lukin at me in libary, I laffin at yu guise……..makin me luk stoopid , stop bing sew phunny
thxkbai
Sooper-Xtreem-Dubble-Plus-Jiant WIN 4 Divageek 4 makin mah stummik muskles hurt frum laffin!
Hah! I red dat “politclee motivated fryings,” en I thot – wow! Whut niuw horoars hav dey thot ov nao!
I also thought this.
Of course, I was born in Texas, where they fry everything for all sorts of reasons!
E>
taterzes, chikkinzez, amrodilloz, mentalee handikapped inmaytes…
U getz frowed out, u come to mai howse. We happeh to have bebbeh kittehs.
Put the kitteh down, fiend! Too kewt to be manhandled like a rubber ball!
Do not taunt Happy Fun Kitteh™
o no, nevr tawnt happy fun kitteh!
(best. SNL. kommershl. evr.)
Jus cuz I got on teh tabul an eated all yur cheezburgurs and wawked thru teh butter dish an likkd all teh debild eggs and playied with teh olivs a littul and pushd teh salt an pepurz off an aksidentally bumpd over a glass or two or four an chekd teh flwers to see if they hads a flavur which they are pleh wich I think yu wud be glad to noe and shridded yer nakkins to maek them eezier tu uze and layed down in teh chips bowl for a litul nap –
yu arent gonna get MAD are yu?
when Im soooo kyoooot?
Too funny…and that was just MONDAY…
Monday MORNIN, to be spessifik.
“an chekd teh flwers to see if they hads a flavur which they are pleh wich I think yu wud be glad to noe” WIN!!1!
I have read this at least ten times, and EVERYTIME I LOL! I lurves this sentunz – I tink I namez it Georj!
so much win!!!
Damn! I HAVE to remember not to drink ANYTHING when I go to this site. Now have diet soda on laptop screen
Well, it’s cleanable, unlike green kitteh puke on beige carpet!!!
Watch the soda in the keyboard, though!!
I thought I was onlee one who had a kitteh who walkd thru teh buttar dish! When I waes growing up, Caesar wud taek the lid off it so she could get teh buttar on her toes. She did lots of othar intresting things too, so my mother decreed that Caesar would haev to live outside or we miight not haev any inside left to live in. Ceze did fine and lived to be twenty, tho, and leaft us peacefully azleep on teh front poarch. A pretty good stretch foar a silly buttar-stomping kitteh.
And they say butter is bad foar u…
Can’t think of a moar appropriate way for kitteh to cross over–asleep on teh porch. Ranks right up dere with in a sunbeam on teh windowsill…
mai kitteh whalked trhu teh litl zen garden. den lef litl kitteh sandy trax cross mai chess board…
Im even cuter if you put me down
becuz i needs tu tyep, kitteh! how mani tiems i has to tels u?
nawty kitn.
[snorglebellehsnorglebelleh]
…ahh scroo teh typin
Doing curls with kitteh is like so not hot
o lil bebeh ur peepz doan dezrv u!!1!! u needz peepz frum icanhascheezburger.com dey giv u snorglez en cheezburgrz all daie long.
I onwi poops on the flor ware it smells likes poops. Iz dat rong?
no iz frowin u out. iz showin u offz! wantz teh wurld 2 c hao cyoot u iz.
what u lookin at,u never sin flyin kitteh behfor
N BTW, u hurtz da bebbeh kitteh’s frote!!! Holdn it dat wai! No mor kitteh 4 u.
wut u meen, i can’t has cheezburger? dint ur mommeh teech u hao to shares?!?!
Softball Kitteh is soft
but nawt vary bawl-shaped.
Don worreh, kitteh, I ketches u! *snorgle snorgle*
Put teh frikkin kitteh down NOW!!!!!!!!
He gonna poops on you or spit out furbl
This pic iz makings me sad ::(((
Hyoomin is yellin, “Bakk off, man… I has a kitn… an I’m nawt afrayd 2 yooz it!!!”
wee haz finully produced teh mos dedly weppin uv mass destrukshun EVAR! teh KILLR KITTEH!!! iz even bettur den teh killr phunnee joke dat makez u laff urself 2 deth, dat wuz produced bai teh montee python projekt!
diz kitteh’s kewt IZ NEW-KLEE-UR!!!!!1!1!!!!!
FTW!!
(efen gotz da NEW-KLEE-UR pronounced da wriet wayz!!)
izzent dis the foarrunnr of da “big kitteh eyes” dat the Cat uzes in Shrek?
Shouldn’t it be “Y U frowin meowt?”
@neko – u iz rite about dat!
poor kitteh – so cute!
You can come live wif me, baby, if daddy frows you out! I gots 3 cats and a puppy who all adore kittens, and they will luv you and luv you and luv you!
Dey will holdz u n lurvs u n namez u George!!
kitty sez: i kan fly!!!!!
I kin see ma litterbawcks frum here! Which reminz me, hyoomin…. [piddle puddle]
sily B is can finks of PUPPEH. nots kitn.
I no trow the bebeh out, even though she pees on teh floorz.
If u hold her up teh way dat dis gai in teh foto is holding kitteh, she mite pee on ur hed…
Wud sirv himz rite. Dis notz gud way to hold kitteh.
Awwwwwwe poooor kitteh =(
“OK lyon cub #217 pleese come out! Q mewzik and…”
“….its teh circul…teh circul of lyyyyyyyyyfe”
“NEXT!”
phunee Patrick! muches lieks Teh Lyon Keeng awdishun ref. WIN!1!
Duzn’t matter, kitteh, u get frown out, someone take u n 5 seconds. u cutest kitteh ever!
Liddil Strypee Kitteh
nebber beenz up dis hye. Needz
2 catch himz breff
Liddil Kiddeh wayz
nexx 2 nuffieeeng. Grabbitee
nawt awayrz uv dat
Snoawee wyte chess
puffs way owtz. Shoawz himz Hewmin
himz iz nawt askayrd
Jack.
Wut u meen, sine sez we kin refyooz serbis tu anywons we wont? I peyd fer mah drnks!
“I doant’z want 2B drunk in publickkk…. I wantz 2B drunk inna bar!”:
Rawn Whyte.
Jack.
Dey trew mi innto publickkk!
Where are teh planz to teh Deth Star™?
U doan’ knowz either? Hao abouts directions to teh nearest Burger King? Kthxbai.
If u movz, tak teh kittehz to new houz, den putz butteh on deh paws. Bye teh time dey likz it off, dey tinkz deyz at home.
oooo…gud idee. i neber thot ov dat. muches thx! bai
U r welcum. 4 extra funn, try peenut butteh!
Behold, i has creatid fyr!
um das speld “fur” akshuly
Awww.. No frow kitteh out!
Too kyoot to frow out!
*Kitteh smailz*
Me want dis beh be…
awww! poverina!!! this is so sad- throwing out a poor cat! I know it’s a joke, but it makes me sad!
yea why u throwin him out he likes it here u bad person!!!:( it makez me sad that u pplz r frowin him out liek dat
why would they want to throw her out i mean look at that adorable face!
[...] kitteh finally gits rebenge on hyoomin. [...]
Now that is a CUTE/ADORABLE Kitteh