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I’z on top of a stump an I caint git doawnz!
Tellz me, agin, who payz for teh cheezburgers? i iz stumped.
… why you do this? is it because I told you I wanted a panflute?
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/020605/panflute-flowchart.gif
Awwww…. but da cat ayt da ocarina!
(Hoo kin gess DAT ref?)
I tink I cn Link it to dah pitchyr.
zilly link! yu must weight to growed up firstly! den yu can do teh Fourest Templ! wheyt! how yu gets up dere? Yu know has hukshot!
I lub dat gaem.
I haz a panfloot.
Iz behbeh kitn, soe muzt start smawl. Beeg kitteh getz stuk up beeg tree. Taiynee kitn iz stukt up littul stumplet.
“Hang in there, baby!”
Caturday’s comin!
Sorree, cuddn’t hep mahsef!
cannot decide whether to rate parent all the way down…or all the way up!
babee’s ahies so wide
Claws hangin on fr deer lif
such a sweetiecheeburger pie
Teh ize, teh looong whiskrs, teh spikee fur, and speshuly teh velcro paws! An ovrlode uv kyoot!
I IS MAJESTIK TREE
… and the call me ‘stumpy’
no is majestik tree
is majic tree
dat tree gruw a kitteh !!!
Wher U findz mahjik tree?
I iz angel, can has cheeseburgers for christmas?
U iz so cyoot u can haz enyting u wantz kitteh!
the eagle has landed
I iz not chainsaz! Stop uzink mi to cutz ur trees!
Kitteh-Tree haibred iz reedy. Iz not so grate akchuily.
Hmmm. I jst red dis as “kitteh-tree Halberd”. Iv U cn get teh kitteh 2 stai put wit awl 5 sharp endz free, reeli is graet ackshulli!
Dood — kitteh halberd’s wuld be mayd of awesum!
seeling kitteh r in traneing.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES!!!
Stump kitn is watchin u… um… wut R you doin???
[sigh]
jus typin.
unforchoonitlee.
wal, i hopes u washded ur hands furst!
I can has fire department?
Mai baybee boi did that when he was a liddel kitteh. Hiz gramma still larfs bout it now
What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor’s dog?
What’s great for a snack and fits on your back?
It’s Log, Log, Log!
It’s Log, Log, it’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood.
It’s Log, Log, it’s better than bad, it’s good!
Everyone wants a log! You’re gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!
REN AN TEH STEEEEEEMPY!
U FEEEELTHY LEETLE MUUNKEE!
“Is it stinky?”
“Jus’ how you like it.”
Hey kids, start running around like idiots! Guess what’s new from Log this time!!!
That’s what she said.
No, no, BG.
“All kids love log!”
–THAT’S what she said.
Fourty-seven meeelion dollars? Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’m de cat!
I can be Gritty Kitty nao plz?
What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor’s dog?
What’s great for a snack and fits on your back?
It’s Log, Log, Log!
It’s Log, Log, it’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood.
It’s Log, Log, it’s better than bad, it’s good!
Everyone wants a log! You’re gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!
echo…
echo-san
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHJ7YTBZbkE
that was every bit as weird as it was trying to be.
THIS rly maekz mee fele awld. HAO u fynd dez tings?
DAMN EVILTWIN1!11!
how u tels dem part?
Teh eevil twin haz dah goaty beerd!
Futurama ref FTW!
Maybee, but not so mush. Lotza odder refs 2.
Original Star Trek!
BGal en paws4 r rite. Original Startrek – Spock’s ebil twin haz teh goateh beard.
Didunt yu noe??? Boaf twinz iz teh ebil!!
Yes! But … which … one … has … the … TONI????
(Iffen u noes teh ansur to dis, u is rilly rilly RILLY ol … az ol az me … an thaz OL!)
eeek, dis meen I iz rilly rilly old!!!!!!OH NOOOOOOOEESSSSSS
sigh.
no, it’s the d4mn wordpress, not letting me post and then immediately changing it’s mind !!!
( BTW : both twins are evil !!! )
M – I have a great durty story for you about my idea for a new MTV show called ‘PIMP MY TW4T’, but it’s going to have to wait for later…
OK… so on w/ the off thread story. I was at the gym as usual, and one of the aestheticians was giving brazilian waxes with “colors, shapes and stones” (little rhinestones, has anyone else seen this?) and I was like “what the h3ll? what are they doing – dying in pink hearts or putting greens, or maybe hello kitty? and how are they applying these stones? hot glue? a bedazzler? and who comes to the gym to bedazzler their freshly manicured ‘secret garden’?” and then we got into a long riff on how MTV should do a whole show called ‘PIMP MY TW4T’ (like a cross between pimp my ride, what not to wear and designed to sell), where every show they could have a new client come in looking like a 70′s p0rn star who then gets a complete makeover (where are they going to put the sound system? and what about the video monitors? cause every MTV renovation has to add in video monitors somewhere) and THEN we realized we needed to develop some sort of undercarriage lighting system like those ghetto cars that have the glowing purple neon underneath, so that if she went out in a miniskirt at night she could have her own little diva shoe lighting with her wherever she went on the dancefloor (also useful for if you wake up in the middle of the night and need to make your way to the bathroom, just clap on and a glowing purple pool of light helps keep you from tripping over cats and such) – can’t you just see that on MTV? “MTV, people called me sasquatch until you redid my noonie, now I’m the belle of the ball !!! thank you MTV !!!”
whew. hadn’t posted anything durty in a while, think it’s out of my system now… for the moment… ;o)
U should pitch it. There’s a Pr0n producer out there somewhere who would bee all over it!!!! Not for TV but sell DVD’s Like stoopy lil drunk hoes gone wild.
that was awesome, but now i’m seriously curious about bedazzling tw4ts. how do they do that, inquiring minds want to know…
yeah well *I* wanna know too – I’m guessing it’s krazy glue but jeez, wouldn’t that hurt if they caught on your clothing? I mean, if I was a girl I don’t think I’d want things glued on or even near my freshly shaved noonie – and just how far are they going with this anyways? I mean, are they using just one little gem like those gems girls use on their forehead, a whole spray of gems like what they used arund the eyes in ‘strictly ballroom’ (which, everyone, if you haven’t seen it I insist you rent immediately – freakin hysterical) or are we talking about a whole spray of little rhinestones like those bossed out shirts guys are wearing in LA now, the ones which make you look like you were jumped by a crackhead with a bedazzler on your way to the club? and whatever glue they’re using, well it can’t be water based because then the gems would come loose if you sweated during the day (and let’s not even think about the little trail of rhinestones these girls would leave on the mat if they went to, say, birkram yoga and really started to sweat) , so you know it has to be something solvent based which is probably not so gr8 for the skin actooly…
I think I need to go ask the aestheticians some serious questions about all this – such as ‘so, does your secret garden look like Jay-Z’s grille now, or what? just what’s going on here?”
No glue for me, nuh-UH! I want cornrows … with beads. Glitter beads. Yep, that’ll work.
Needless to say, this leaves Brazilian waxing and razors out of equation altogether!
OMG- I just thought of the perfect LOLslogan- I’m in ur panties, pimping ur tw4t”
meno – you mean cornrows and pony beads, like venus and serena williams? but then your chocha would have it’s own soundtrack with every step you took… maybe not a bad thing. you could get a rhythm going… like mariachi music… maybe go on one of those TV talent shows… h3ll, you might even meet ryan seacrest or joey fatone !!!
… oh, I like the “I’m in yur… ” slogan idea BTW, it’s a bit like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bND35w8joLU
I bet it’s not Krazy Glue (LOL 4 the idea), but you can use either Spirit Gum or false-eyelash glue to stick things on your skin and they’ll stay pretty well- you have to use an alcohol-based remover for Spirit Gum, so you could sweat while wearing it and it wouldn’t come off.
But cheez… spangled noonies… well, I guess since Britney started flashing hers in public, why not bling it up? Maybe a little rhinestone arrow pointing to the, er, more interesting bits?
cheese-spangled noonies? eeeeehwww…
okay, I’m still LMAO at “aestheticians”.
Pleaze to be tellings me they don’t really call demselves dat?
… some of them do, but I’m not sure about this one – I think this one may refer to herself as a ‘tw4t-blinger’, but will be sure to ask
“excuse me miss, are you the resident tw4t-blinger?”
has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? very satisfying ;o)
Doctor, you have to help me–I have this strange feeling of…deja vu!
okay, with all the posts that have filled in since I first wrote this one, it looks really strange and out of place all the way down here
nose fwekel = unfarely cutenessed.
Kitteh klymz t3h Tree
4 t3h furst tyme. Awsumz veew!
Howz doo I getz daown?!!!
Kitten inz a Tree
sune lurns dat klymeeng Up iz
eezeer tahn daown
Kood cryz owt 4 halpz
Or waytz 4 Hewmin 2 breeng
Dubbil Cheezburgr!
Jack.
Kitteh ’bout teh SIZE of a dubbil cheezburgr. Maybe smaller!
I iz k, jus chekin out wut hoomins r doin in pool. Sum intrestin!
Haytez to seein the hrblls dat goez wit dat
righteous protest kitteh sez “oanlee wen awl da treez iz gawn, an teh rivrz poyzond an teh cheezburgrz pooped wil yoo stoopee reelize yoo cant eet munny”.
Righteous protest kitteh iz right! I iz alwaiz furrrrrious wid teh munny hongry stoopeez!
My panic. Let me show you it.
I’M PANICKING!
I’M PANICKING!
Dis suks. Tayk ur stoopy pic and getz meh down frum heer.
Kitteh luks lyke she’s bout reddy to cwai. Herts mai hart!
Aye saivz u, kitteh! Jes jump! Jump fer teh cheezburgerz!
I iz teh loracks, an i speek fur teh treez!
Yay for Dr. Seuss reference.
U cutz down teh treez, u gunna hafta take me too!
I can has thneed?
Only if U need wun
buts evrywon, evrywon, EVRYWON needs!
What you meanz you need Halp! We’z about to be attaked by Giant House Sized Perching Kitteh! We neez the HALP
sumwun’s persepshins be fuxt.
iz ok
de stump brok mi fall
*oof*
This stump make gud belly scratcher
I’z practisin ta be Maysee’s Tanksgivin bloon.
hunter cat is just wateing for hiz prey to show
Thank you for purchasing your new Securikitteh Sistem TM! We have installed your watch kitteh on this handsome, natural-like wood-ish post device. Your SS is motion activated and will alert you to all things that go bump in the night!
Please do not forget the daily maintenance of cheezburgers for the Sekurikitteh Sistem or you may find yourself at the business end of the Five-Point, all bitey, all clawey, all the time attack mode of your own Securikitteh.
(message repeats in sixteen languages, thankfully one of them is lolcattish, for the translatering)
snorgenborgen snurli *fingerquotes* “lay – zer” durka durka
Thunk yuoo fur poorcheseeng yuoor noo Secooreekitteh Seestem TM! Ve-a hefe-a instelled yuoor vetch keetteh oon thees hundsume-a, netoorel-leeke-a vuud-ish pust defeece-a. Yuoor SS is mushun ecteefeted und veell elert yuoo tu ell theengs thet gu boomp in zee neeght!
Pleese-a du nut furget zee deeely meeentenunce-a ooff cheezboorgers fur zee Sekooreekitteh Seestem oor yuoo mey feend yuoorselff et zee booseeness ind ooff zee Feefe-a-Pueent, ell beetey, ell clevey, ell zee teeme-a etteck mude-a ooff yuoor oovn Secooreekitteh.
Bork Bork Bork!
ROFLBORK!
Tree growz too fast!
een teh erlee nynteen sixteez Doktr Baron Vom Nomnomnom ferst esperumentid wit teh kitteh PEZ dispenser. U cud git a candee en snorgle kitteh bellee at teh sayme tyme. Nao how cool iz dat?
ZOMG I wanna kitn Pez!!!
No, wayt- I doan’t fink I want wut comes outta teh kitn’s mouf…
Wut?! Not eeben teh liddul dermuhbrazhin treetmints wit dere liddul sanpaypr tungz? Dat comz owt dere liddul mouf 2 u noes.
wait… izzit “1-2-3 n jumped”
or “1-2 jumped”
Monorail kitteh – teh conestoga years.
mai hed sploded wen i seed dis pichure. *splort* i luvz teh spiky floofs ov teh kitteh teh bestest. kthxbai
waiting for cat-charming prinz. halp!
I iz teh Horton…
hatchin ur eggz
I mint wut I sed
N sed wut I mint
a kitteh iz fayful
100 purrsent
kitteh r hopin dey r cheezburger eggzes.
He luks liek a politishun….stumpin and doan no why, on a platform he doan unnerstan, doan noes how he gotz dere, doan noes whut he gonna do now he iz dere, and haz no idea how he gonna get down.
But much, much kewter dan enny politishun. Much more fun to have aroun and lissen to, too.
a-MEN!
Politishuns go “wahwahwah” an we go “pfffft!” Bebeh kitteh go “mew” an we go “awwwww!”
Bebeh kitteh 1/politishun -5.
Kitteh loss. Wil use powr of Cuteness to clym downe.
Dis babee kitteh way too yung to be pole dancin!
“Doodz, check it owt! I’m a totem pole!”
Using teh laytest in hai-speed fotograffy, we captured this pic of a replica CATapult being fired by teh local SCA chapter…
I iz SCA, luvz u muchly!!! Wayt til Iz sho uthrs!!!
Heh. Heh heh…kitteh has “wood” huhhuhhuh…
is perfik coment fr Frydeg!
::: hicc :::
Ahuh huh huh huhhuh huh huh huh huhhuhhuh…
(I <3 Beavis & Butthead…)
Pirate Kitteh sai, “wudden leg jus’ whut I wanted.
U has availabilitiez in smaller size?”
An older, mor experiunsed eksplorer wud have gon AROWND the obstakul on teh traiyul.
(next slide pleeze)
And nao, number 3–The Larch.
i savez u kitteh…den i takez u homz and keepz u.
Pee`ping Tom’ (n.) 1). A perverted cat on stilts.
Caber Toss: Ur doin’ it wrong.
Too bad kitteh is not a Scottish Fold
I pohl vawlting.
…I sposed to let go and fawl to ground nao?
Yarite.
Think u r doin’ it rong. Mai wae safer.
Its sooo cute! lol
I r Jack kitteh. Whar be teh henz whut layz teh golden cheezburgrs? Um…giant whut?
Mummeh, halps!
OK
I’m cumin down noa.
BANZAI!
awww! minicat! yey!
How cute
GIANT KITTEH SNIPES YOU FROM THE TREETOPS!!!!!