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Cheezburger Network Blog
Animal Channel down again, hunh?
We need to have (yet annuder) publik serfis anouncemint—Hoomins, do not let yur kittehs watch tu muches telebishon….it will leed to kitteh on kitteh violense and much fatness – DO NOT WANT! Now, bak tu yur program….
An they mite git bad ideeas, liek buying minneral makeups frum Home Shopping Netwurk, or watching Fox Noos, or even wurse, dey mite git cummershal jingls stuk in dey tinee heds! DO NOT WANT!
Necks ting yoo noes, kittehs are whinin and beggin fur yoo to buy dem
da speshul sugar-coated kitteh nibbels. Den dey is playin da nintendo all
days long, den necks ting yoo noes, kitteh is obese an has hai blud preshur
and is riskin da hart attakz.
Do not be lettin yoor kitteh watch telebiziion..dey can die, doncha noe?
dey can gibs demselfs cuncussssion. Srsly. We wuz watchin National Geographic Speshul. Had lots of African Birdz who be flying and making delishus birdee noises. Kitteh, he no so smrt. He ran into screen tryin to get dem birdz He were very p*****d at me for LOLing. It stil phunnee.
O noes, dats tu funnee – they alwaes blame us peeples when they duz sumthin silly like we plaed a durty trik on them. an then get all miffed wen we laff.
srsly, u so rite. an u noes da kitteh wud be laffin at DMarie if SHE wuz teh wun runnin into da screen!
kittehs is so funneh, teh wae dey can has sens uv hyoomur bowt ebryfing elz but demselfs.
ROFL!!! I jest gotted in trubblez at werk cuz aih laffed owt lowd at dis comment.
Must not to let de kitteh that close to de stereo either.
Might get shoked wiv elektrisityyy
Lol, fren had kitteh wood go rown behin da tv to fin da birdie, goggie, over kitteh, whutever on da screen! Smrt kitteh, look behin da hard ting ta fin da aminul…
I hab pix of Melly as ittty bebe sittin on scratch pole watchin Wetminster goggie show. “Dem goggiez am LYTTUL! Nawt skeered uv goggies!”
An if kitteh getz too fat, or bonks hed on TV, then teh Animal Control comez and TAKES YOU TO JAYLE!!!! Den you be in cell with teh BAD PEEPS whut doez BAD TINGS to yu!!!!
So NO TVs for kitteh!!!
COL, u haz gots to make it loooooooooonger, or teh peeps mite not git ur point.
An u nede tu repete urslef bout 17 tymes. Tu mayk shur we heers u.
don’t forget to call me a troll a few times while you’re at it ;o)
Dis is krool Stoppit!!
Ok…mak it longr….repeet lotz of timez…call Stend an evil ol troll an then stoppit…GOTTIT!! I gotta make maiself a list…I keep doin it wrong!
STENDHALISMO IS MADE OF TROLL!!!!
ok, les see:
Stend is a troll.
I not members dah rest of dah list, COL. I mus be watchin too muches of dah TV. Iz bad. I noes dat. Wuz der sumthin else? ummmmm Oh, yeah, I members now
Repeat all of above ad nauseum. call names.
this is where I came in.
Stend is a troll.
I did it!!!!
DRAMA! NEEDZ MOAR DRAMA!
OVEREMOTE DAMMITT!!!
OMG FLARTUS IS RIGHT – I”M MADE OF TROLL !!! THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING !!! ;o)
you know – this is an identity I could actually get behind – I mean, I’m not getting any younger or cuter and apparently I’m made of troll already – maybe I should just switch my screename to trollahisimo?
ZOMG … think of the LOlstendz!!!11!!
umm tehatz all I gotz enrgiez foar. I padd it aot… llla lalalalalaaala
lalalala
lalalala
stend imz not a troll…
people shoul plai nice…
lalalala
lalala ummm
oh look… a shiney…
wait, whut?
ROFPMSL
WINZ!
An skold off topic fur a few paragraffs too!
OH NOES!! THINK OF TEH TROLLOLZ!11!!!!
Now if he had a tv remote under his right paw, that would be absolutely perfect.
i hopes dis link werks dis time…
lolz
tried to post it b4 and it dint work…
invisible post!
ZOMG! teh laffin, it hurtz! I kryin, srsly!
Yay!
HAHAHAHA!
I jus reeded an artikal in Smifsonyun Magzeen dat sayed dat “Clippie” was gotted rid of becuz peple hayted hims smylin at inpropyut times. But dats nawt tru. I haytd Clippie becuz hims halp advys was worfless. Hims fashul spreshun wus irelyvunt. Unforchinitly, so wuz hims halp fyles.
LOL. Boofitul.
how comez no catz in Natiunal Geografic?
Beekoz dey are de eddditers, silly! The powerz dat be, az it wer. Dey tu bizzee tu be pozin….dey bizzee makin de munniez for der cheezeburgerz
Teh saddleite rimote is lost in kitteh’s floof. Only can has lokle stashuns.
will be cute for foxtel pleeez kthx
I has a sofa !
WTF is dis crap? ‘Teh Stained Glass Network’? ‘Teh Clock Channel’? 500 channels and nothing on…plus liek ever other channel is showing some rerun of ‘CSI’ or ‘Law and Order’.
Whut channel is ‘Teh Mowsie Channel’? All mowsiez, all teh tiem…
The Stained Glass Network? LOL!
In Soviet Russia, the Clock Channel watchez u!
fiftee seben channelz n nuttin on…
Teh Boss FTW
Brruuuuuuuce!!!
“Ah’m on ur mpfree, singun bowt ma woez an trubblz!”
Ahhh kitteh…I iz bord 2. We can has Caturday now plz?
Telebishun sux. Poaker iz nawt a spoart!
Kan i get a Ay-men
AY-MEN!!!!!!!
preech on, brudda! er..um…sista…um…AY-MEN!
An Gawd sed,” let tehre bee pawker chips,
That mai peepols shouls nawgh soil tehre paws
wif filfy lucres…
Let tehm be manee pritty colrs an representen
lots of differen muny amaownt…
let tehm be small an paouncible, an easilee hidded so that pawrent will swares that tehy are losted…
and umm
look… a shiney!
It is so a spoart! It is as much of a spoart as MTV plays videeoz and peeps on “Gray’s Anatomy” can act…
Oh, wait…
but kitteh
i pays 50 bux fur expanded cable
that’s it – you’re getting a job as a floor polisher !!!
Esspanded cable sux, tu. Jus moar chanls of crap.
Awltho I do lyk Nashinul Geografix chanl (lubs me sum Dawg Wisperrer) and teh Siense chanl for awl teh strominy showes wif teh planits and starz an teliskops. I wud be asternawt if I wuzn’t chikn of spayse. An if I din’t sux at siense.
I lulz teh dog wissssssperrrrrrrerrr, too! Sum of teh peeps on dat show is so stoopy….mai doggies wer born wit no brains, but I still makez dem behave….well, sort of….ok, so dey are spoiled rotten, too….oh, nevermind…
Du yu dresses dem in frillee cotes and giv dem fufu fernicher and karry dem arownd in a lidl sak so dey doant has to git dere lidl feetses tyred? An du yu let dem run ryot an hazzle yer childruns and byt teh naybers? And slepe wid u so dat yer spowse haves to slepe on teh (ironikal) cowch?
Prolly nawt, so yer prolly onlee spoyling dem a lidl. An dats okae.
It’s teh wuns hoo tink dere dawg iz jus a lidl hooman dat a rilly stoopy.
An if I wuzn’t skeered of hites, and if I wuzn’t too old, and if I wuzn’t too fat, and if I didn’t need glazzes…….
I lykes all dose shows, too. An anyfing bowt bears and gurillas. And donkeys. not much on bowt dah donkees, tho. too bad. oh, and burros. lykes most aminal shows, akshooly.
Me, tu. An elyfunts and munkys. An I lubs the Planits Funnyist Aminals, tu. Vary phunnee.
Munkeys rool. Period.
Yeah, dey tuk away owr NASATV an giv us… da GOLF CHANNUL? DO NOT WANT!!!
iz raynin, can’t go outsied.
battries in remoat r ded
lost privliges to gameboy
finiched Hairy Pottr alredy
Wat am I gonna do?
Sumbuddy needz to dust off da “Pong” game for kitteh…
or da Purregon Trayl…
you have died of pleah
Hey, trollismo — whut if awl uv us, for a day or too, changes aawl of our nameses to be troll-ish…
I kin post for a day as Trollshyne!
Crazy Old Troll
TenHouseTrolls
TrollButtSquirrelButt
Cood be funz
hee hee..dat sowns like funz!
We sed fings lyke dat to my mama, and we wuz soon undah dah dining rum table wif dust cloth in hand.
Not so grate, akshooly.
Moral
If bored–keep it to own stoopy self!
Yer mama and mai mama mus be relaytd.
“Ur bord? Den vakume teh carpit and warsh teh dishs.”
No kiddin!
Mai mama tu!
“yu bess go fynd sumfin tu du en kwit wynin, or I GIVZ yu sumfin tu du!’
Mama’s sumfin-tu-du alwyz nastee, lyk beetin rugz en weedin flowrbedz, en iffen yu get awl smartypantz en pull up flowrz so yu dont hafta weed evvr agen, yu getz spankin en no lowance til flowrz ar replayst!
heer, i halps u owt, k? i be maekin ur nawn-gratootitussly ironnick kowch a littul less fuglee.
no noes, no needz to fank meh.
Haha. I’m suprized kitteh haddnt alredee turnd it into a skrichin poast.
that’s it, off the couch – you’re going to summer camp !!!
but mommmmm…
Oh, kitteh looks just like my boy Rusty…gone 2 years but I still miss him. He would flop in the recliner like that and watch soaps with Mom.
Don’t mind me, plz continue with teh funneh.
Aww Rusty…plz let us no ware u lefted te remote? U can tell Oscar…
In Soviet Russia, the tv waches U!!!!
In Soviet Russia, U git 2 channels. One dat waches u, an russian calistenics. All dai.
Soljurs doin jumpin jax all dai evry dai.
lolz!
I heerz dey iz addin a cukkin channel… Da Borscht Netwurkz. Awl cabbijj, awl da tiem!
Awl da tiem? Da Borscht Netwurk rilly taeks a beeting…
yeh! Tehy all sour cause tehy get creamed!
Hey, stend, u heer dat? Les go watch sojerz ecksersizin alllll daiii loooonng!!!!
Hay, sojer, taek off ur shirt an say dat!
Kitteh would like to know when he gets his Food Network show: 1001 Uses For Cheese and Meat. He even show you how to make Mowsie Burgrz.
Is good show. Network gonna love it. Maybe guest star Alton Brown.
AB FTW!!!
I ♥s AB….we no gets teh cabul enymoar…*sigh*
I heart AB tu! an I no gets teh FN enymoar either. *dubble sigh*
I fink today iz da premiere of hiz “Feasting on Asphalt 2″ an I iz missing it.
(
WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
I hope he no fall down go boom dis tiem! We wuz sad an skeered dat epersode, no let AB bez hurted!!
Ai gotz 2 meet AB wunce, at cuukin skool in Berkelee! He wuz SOOO nyse (and kyoot, 2). He wuz verry frenly wid awl fanz. He tot us to maek sooo-flays!
WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
I haz teh jelus.
^me 2!!! an i also agree dat he duz haz teh kyooteness! da calosest i haz come to wurking wit him iz a dream i had wonce where i wuz at a class in alton’s “sooper sekret chef’s camp” (dat’s wut da syne said! really!). he wuz aksing us if we thought he had put bacteria, enzymes, or couscous in2 da soop he wuz making, an den i woked up. heh
)
I haz teh jelus 3
He camed to da UCLE festival of books wun yeer, cooked sum BBQ an signed himz firs book fur us awl. Waz da awesome!!! He so nice an smrt, he makes food geeks happee!!
AB iz teh best purrsonalitee on teh Food telebishun.
Ever sinse Mtv(mowsie tv) got tookded offa teh air telbishun jus haddnt been teh same.
*sigh*
Publik Servis Anounsment: teh Surjin-Jenral hads diturmind dat xsiv telavizhn vuwing is predjadishul to teh saikalodjikl and fizikl helf of ur kittek. Xtream kawshun shld bes xersaizd.
Bewildered kitteh say, WTF! Tony Soprano dedded? Or Tony Soprano not dedded? Me need klosure!
“Just ah small town kitteh… livin in a loneley wurld… took midnite train goin anywhurrrrrrr…..”
Wher is teh “Lookin Owt teh Windo an Chitterin at teh Burdz” chanul? Dats mah favrit.
Putz it awn da Closur, demmit! Dey gotz da purrtyest kitteh awn der… o da floof…
Iz dah troof, too! I luves wen dey haz da kitteh wawlkin rownd on der!
But kitteh, u noes dat moar channelz duz not eqwal anyfing to akchooly watch, rite? Iz just moar of deh same-ol, same-ol! just moar krap.
Beeg Tawlkeeng Windo
Hewminz luvv it. Kitteh’z iz
much less eckspensiv
Windo Sill allwayz
awn. Sumtheeng gud iz to watch
allwayz happineeng
Kitteh hydez Reemoat
T3h Naytyoor Channel iz awn
juss owtsyde t3h Doar
Jack.
Kitteh r like ma puppeh. We lets her owt into teh unfenced bak yard, she sits daon and watches the burdies. She r vry srs abowt it too.
(an no, we don’t let her owt dere all by herselfs wifout any supervishun, afore i git a lekchur…)
Bravo. (Meening applawse, Jack, not teh chanul.)
Iz lubs to watches teh naytoor chanl owsyde slydng dore to dek. Sqwerls comes to teese teh kittehs, owtsyde kittehs cum to bisit wid dem n wonce eben had a gwowndhawg clawsng at skween!
I saw da male Oriole dat I sawd a few yrz ago! Brite yellow in da treez! In LA! Uzoollee onlee get skwerlz an hummingbirdies an red dragonflyz… Sumtiemz bunnies an wood rats an lizards eetin bugs… Bats at dusk…
But we need to cut our mini forest down dis yeer, iz skeery overgrowd, treez leenin ober howse an gunk in pool an gutterz… wish I cood save sum ov da shrubberies….
In case teh Nights dat sez Ni show up?
Kitteh sez, “Daaaaaaang… ai can’t bleeve ai has 2 wayt ’til next Janyooaree 4 noo episod uv LOST!!! WTF…”
too true!! aih mis jak an kayt an charlee (guez aih can keepz on misin himz) an sawher….
LOST is whut dat show did to me. Between teh “Let’s recap what has gone before” every other episode, den teh whole “Let’s start a new plotline every episode” thing they had going…
Oh, you want closure of this storyline? Sorry, writers Do Not Want.
Teh capper for me came when a few of dem was sailing around teh island, and they saw part of dat giant statue thing, and Iraqi dood had to say–with a completely straight face, yet–”I don’t know what bothers me more–where the rest of the statue is, or why it only has 4 toes…”
DOOD, WTF? Have you been taking some of that “H” that’s hidden in the statues of Mary? (oh, wait, that might end that storyline–can’t have that)
Okay, it’s a giant statue that’s entirely missing except for a foot, and you’re surprised that a toe is missing? Um, maybe it’s with the rest of the statue? Or maybe the sculpter was a cat–they only have 4 toes (usually). Maybe, it was just a giant foot statue to begin with–ya know, instead of teh Island of Dr Moreau, this is teh Island of Dr Scholls.
Lost can stay dere, for alls I care. Whut started as cool idea quickly fell victim to it’s own popularity.
I gets off soapbox nao. Thanks for your tiem.
TB (nr): I baught the first season on dvd at a haf prise books. it was engrossing. tehn I traid watchin secon season of lost ovr at frens hous. tehat nite was all abt WTF is dis Sh@t??? It was laik all the acters from the firs season got to play stebford wife version uf da castemsaways. srsly wtfness.
Enuf alreddy wit da “Dawg Wisperer” marathon…dawgs is so STOOPID!
Dat because when you try to whisper to teh cats dey claws ur face off…
yah, LOLcat… 217 channelz iz not enuf
pouting sulky kitteh is being a brat.
But I wanna wach teh teweviison!!11!
Kitteh bord cuz onlee reeruns uv Avatar.
Neeo epsods Avatar, maek hapy kitteh.
This is me rite naow.
OKey. Hwews diff”
Kitteh bored cause deres no… (ahem)
“Kitteh in teh City.”
Ben prempted by Peezidentil Noose covrge
Then kitteh sud get in2 da sunshain and pley, not sit in frant of ideeot box all dey lowng. Is good exercise.
I gettid up dis am, turn on da tv… black… evry channel. I call cabull cumpnee, recording say serviss owting in mai area. OK.. I sit down here, punch da icon, uhoh, derrrrr, no serviss meenz no hi speed cbl….
an hour wiv no lolcats or fark or plime or bbc or bartcop or imdb or mefi …..
Purty stoopy…..but I gots lotsa books…
OH NOES! ICHC WITDRAWEL!!
Acccck! DO NOT WANT!
*sigh*
I promised mah goggie dat i no reeds ichc at homes enymore…only at werks. Cuz goggie spen too much tymes lyin on teh floor lukkin at me wiles i luk at udder fuzzy wuns. dat jest doan meks no sense.
lolcat r no replacement fur reel live goggie snorgles.
Mussst have burd pic or kitteh nod orff!
i need alot more channels also………and my kitty thinks so too.He sits there with the remote under his paw and sleeps.i love cat pictures like this
kitteh luks just liek mine! he is teh cyoot.
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