“is there any tread left down there, or is it like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?”

Or taek awl dere monies.

Or sumfink liek dat.

When my kids were small and I didn’t get out very much except to go to the groccry store, I one day found myself going down the aisles singing along – with gusto! – to “Kroger Radio”.

I went home and told my husband that we were going to go out to dinner.

Cat: I goes furst. BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Dog: U winz.

—-
Essept fur skinnee fayce, looks liek my big ‘fat’ RC! Saem shape an collur! But no peenk colar wif bell, and I know she gone ober Rainbow Bridge, I seen her der, lyin all kitteh loaf inna sunbeem….

I started a filk ov dat song:
“Wearin a bra, wearin a bra… You don know how it feeeeelz!!!!”

Happins alla tiem, me an frenz inna store, peeps alwaeez askin us fer halp, eben when we in middle of big conbersashun or crackin jokeses. An we nice peeps, we try, den walk on…. Angels unaware? Mebbe…

2) Cat: Jesus Christ, Corwin–It’s a lion! Get in the car!
Dog: Car? Whut? We goin’ for a ride?

3) Cat: This is not ironic, This is a SOFAAAAAAAAA!!
Dog: Enuf with teh “300″ jokes alreddy…

I would be “I’m number WHAT? WTF? Damn, Ho, you is more crowded than teh Lincoln Tunnel, and about as wide, too, apparently. Screw teh TV show, I have to go to the doc and get a bunch of shots, then I really need to soak my wang in bleach for a few days.”

Many funny eether-aither way.

Srsly. Although I don’t speak any of them, I do understand the word “no” in about 9 languages. WTF part of “no” is difficult for you to get, Stoopy?

Mai favorites were the ones that came in “is she in?”
“no.”
“She’s not?”
“No, she’s gone for the day.”
THEN, because I am clearly an obvious liar and trying to make them look foolish, they would turn around, look at her office door that was wide open to clearly show the fact that there WERE NO LIGHTS ON IN HER OFFICE, they would stick their heads in and check her desk.
DANG, Ya got me, Sparky! See, out of the 300+ people working here right now, we knew that YOU were going to come in and see her, so we cooked up this whole thing where I would say that she was not in, and she would sit in her office IN THE DARK and pretend not to be here, and then when you left we would laugh and laugh…just to make you look stoopid.
People suck.
As my friends bumper sticker says: “The more people I meet, the more I like my dog”

purrhapz u is havin da mael pms… happinz 2 da best uv men. u can has chocolate? will halp, i promuz!

O grate Menopaws… most floofy loliness… *deep bow* I can has ur ottergraf?